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Ryuunosuke scowled when Atsushi asked if he could come over after training, but he still said yes. They barely made it through the door, before Atsushi’s lips were on his. This wasn’t the first time they’d done this, and it wouldn’t be the last. In fact, at this point it had become routine.
Every time they fought together, whether training with Dazai or saving Yokohama, they went back to Ryuunosuke’s place and fucked until they forgot their own names, only remembering each other’s. It started sometime after they defeated the Guild, and as much as Ryunnosuke had hated Atsushi, he’d always loved the rage fueled sex that followed.
Now though, Ryuunosuke would hardly say he hated Atsushi. Ever since the defeat of Fyodor, Ryunnosuke had felt his feelings towards the weretiger shifting, softening in a way that he didn’t appreciate. He needed Atsushi in his life, needed the other man to care for him in a way that went far beyond friends with benefits.
Though, as drastically as Ryuunosuke’s feelings for Atsushi had changed, the sex hadn’t at all. Ryuunosuke always woke in the morning alone, bite marks and hickies on his neck and bruises on his hips. He knew if not for the weretiger’s healing, Atsushi’d wake with claw marks down his back.
Ryuunosuke didn’t mind the aggression, it was honestly really hot. He didn’t appreciate waking alone, but he put up with it because he knew it was all the weretiger would ever give him. He was lucky enough that Atsushi always cleaned him up after, and held him until he fell asleep. He just wanted more than he deserved. He always did.
He groaned as Atsushi shoved him up against his wall, licking into his mouth with the same force he fought with, bringing his attention back to the present.
Atsushi growled. “Stop thinking. I’m right here.”
Ryuunosuke wanted to make a witty retort, but his words caught around a moan, as Atsushi ground his thigh between Ryuunosuke’s legs.
He got lost in the sensations. Atsushi’s hand in his hair. Atsushi’s hand on his hip. His mouth on his, his thigh underneath him. His smell, his panting, his chest under Ryuunosuke’s hands. Atsushi. Atsushi. Atsushi.
He was so lost in the moment, he didn’t notice Atsushi slipping on hand under his ass until he was in the air. Atsushi didn’t stop kissing him as he carried Ryuunosuke to his bedroom.
Ryuunosuke hated how hot he always found the weretiger strength Atsushi possessed. He was holding him in one arm without struggling at all, and Ryuunosuke’s tight black slacks were getting tighter.
Atsushi threw him against his sheets and climbed over him.
Ryuunosuke chuckled darkly. “You’re a fucking animal.”
Atsushi snarled, smirk on his face as he proved Ryuunosuke’s point, biting gently on the pulse point in his neck. “You’re into it.”
“We’ll see.”
They both knew that he was in fact into it.
Atsushi started kissing him again, hands running up and down his sides. Ryuunosuke snuck his hands under Atsushi’s shirt, running a hand up his abs to grab at his chest. Ryuunosuke was struck with the sudden need to see him. Atsushi was beautiful and Ryuunosuke loved seeing him bare.
He started tugging at the hem, getting frustrated when he wasn’t successful at pulling the shirt up. “Off. Take this off, now.”
Atsushi laughed, but leaned back to pull his shirt over his head. “Of course, princess.”
His tone was teasing and it was clearly meant to be a snarky joke, but Ryuunosuke felt his dick twitch in his pants. He just hoped Atsushi didn’t feel it too. That would be humiliating. He hadn’t even known he’d be into that until just now.
Then Atsushi’s shirt was off and Ryuunosuke forgot whatever he was thinking about. It didn’t matter how many times he saw Atsushi naked, he was always in awe. Atsushi was significantly broader than him, strong muscles and soft fat. There was strength in the way he held himself, the way he moved. Ryuunosuke loved having his mouth on Atsushi’s torso, biting into his soft stomach and burying himself in ample pecs.
Ryuunosuke leaned up and licked down Atsushi’s chest. Kissing tanned skin covered in signs of his resilience. If there was a type of scar, Atsushi had it. Whips, knife slashes, hot metal rods, cigarette burns. His skin was more scar tissue than unblemished skin, and Ryuunosuke thought it was incredibly attractive. His strength painted clearly for anyone to see.
Though Ryuunosuke would prefer it if no one else ever got to see Atsushi’s scars but him.
Ryuunosuke flipped their positions, continuing his worship of Atsushi’s chest. Atsushi looked up at him, eyes half lidded and lust-filled. Ryuunosuke felt heat rise to his face. He smirked and grabbed Atsushi’s face, pulling him in for another heated kiss.
He was panting into Atsushi’s mouth as he grinded down. Atsushi had a bruising grip on his waist and Ryuunosuke groaned at the feeling. He buried his face in Atsushi’s neck, breathing in his natural scent, and biting down to get a gasp from Atsushi.
He leaned back, kissing down Atsushi’s chest, leaving hickies he knew would be gone in a minute as he did.
He followed the curve of Atsushi’s stomach and the line of fine hair leading exactly where Ryuunosuke wanted to go. However, when he started working getting Atsushi’s belt undone, the other man hooked his legs around Ryuunosuke and threw him onto his back with Atsushi on top of him. It was impressive and endlessly attractive.
Atsushi smiled, and started his own work on Ryuunosuke's belt. Atsushi had Ryuunosuke’s pants down at record speeds.
“Desperate much?”
Atsushi nodded. “Need to be in you.”
Ryuunosuke huffed fondly, letting Atsushi put their lube on his fingers and started slowly opening Ryuunosuke on his fingers. He kept one finger pumping in and out, looking for his prostate. Ryuunosuke moaned and arched into the bed when he hit it.
Atsushi folded Ryuunosuke in half, so that he could kiss him firmly as he added another finger. He didn’t give him quite enough time to adjust before adding a third finger, but Ryuunosuke was into the twinge of pain that shot up his spine.
Ryuunosuke moaned into Atsushi’s mouth and wiggled his hips, trying to grind down on the fingers in his ass. It felt so fucking good, but it was nowhere near enough. He was getting desperate, he needed Atsushi’s dick in him now.
“Atsushi fuck me.”
“Hmm? Do you want something?”
Ryuunosuke scowled. “Fuck me now.”
“Maybe if you ask nicely.”
Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes, and then as sarcastically as possible said, “Please fuck me.”
Atsushi smirked, and lined himself up, pushing in with one thrust.
Ryuunosuke’s back arched, hands grasping at the sheets under him. Atsushi leaned over and bit at his neck, starting a punishing pace right off the bat. Ryuunosuke reached around to claw at Atsushi’s back. His mind immediately overwhelmed with pleasure-pain shooting up and down his spine.
Ryuunosuke gasped. “Atsushi, fuck…harder.”
Atsushi was already panting but still snarked back. “What do you say?”
This time Ryuunosuke didn’t have the wherewithal to banter back, simply giving in. “Please. Please Atsushi, harder.”
“Good boy.” Ryuunosuke tried to glare at him, but his eyes rolled back when Atsushi did in fact pick up the pace.
Atsushi’s hand came up to pull Ryuunosuke’s hair. “Fuck, Akutagawa, you’re so hot when you’re all fucked out like this.”
Ryuunosuke whimpered, dick leaking precum onto his stomach.
Atsushi leaned down and buried his face in Ryuunosuke’s neck, taking a deep breath. An action so unusually gentle, it caught him off guard. Atsushi placed a soft kiss against his pulse point, and sighed.
“Does it feel good Ryuunosuke?”
Atsushi didn’t call him that. He didn’t kiss him like this or speak to him in this way. It was too much, but Ryuunosuke was desperate for more.
Suddenly, he needed to feel Atsushi’s chest against his own. Needed to feel their hearts beat against each other.
He’d never taken his shirt off in all the months they’d been fucking. Not because he was particularly insecure, no, Ryuunosuke couldn’t care less about his appearance. He knew he wasn’t attractive, but that didn’t really matter when you live the life he does. No, he can’t be bothered to keep track of what features of his others would be most disgusted by, he didn't take his shirt off because he didn’t dare be without Rashoumon.
Ryuunosuke often took his jacket off when he was with Atsushi, and it was the one small sign of trust he allowed the other man. He refused to be completely naked. He knew Atsushi wouldn’t hurt him, he’d fallen asleep with the other man enough times to know he would be dead if Atsushi wished it. But it didn’t change the fact that removing his shirt would leave him completely defenseless, at the mercy of an inhumanly strong weretiger with every right to kill him. It was a little bit of a boner killer.
For some reason, this time was different. He wanted Atsushi in the soft way he’d never let himself have him. In a way where he could convince himself that Atsushi could ever possibly love him. Pretend for a night to be someone worth loving.
His hands shook slightly as he started unbuttoning his shirt. Atsushi stopped fucking him and pulled back from his spot on Ryuunosuke’s chest, dick still buried inside him.
“Are you sure this is okay?”
Ryuunosuke rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t okay, fool.”
Atsushi reached out and gently held Ryuunosuke’s hands, steadying them. “You’re shaking.”
“Astute observation. I can see why you’re a detective,” Ryuunosuke replied sharply.
Atsushi paid him no mind. “You know I’m fine with you keeping your shirt on. If you’re worried about that.”
“I want it off.”
Atsushi smiled, helping him undo the rest of the buttons and toss it to the side.
Then he gasped, eyes tracing up and down Ryuunosuke’s body. His rough hands came up to stroke along his stomach. His hands traveled up his chest, brushing nipples, and down tracing his ribs and sternum. One of Atsushi’s hands traced his happy trail, smiling to himself as he did.
“Akutagawa you’re so beautiful.”
Ryuunosuke couldn’t stop the scoff that escaped him even if he tried. What nonsense.
Atsushi’s smile slipped. “What?”
“I appreciate your attempt at dirty talk, weretiger, but you need not lie to me.”
Atsushi’s brow furrowed. “What makes you think I’m lying?”
Ryuunosuke raised one of his brows in response. “Atsushi, I know what I look like. I own a mirror.”
“And?”
“And I know damn well I’m not pleasant to look at! I’m sickly, too thin, so pale I’m nearly translucent. My illness has made me look like I’m decaying from the inside out. I do not appreciate being lied to.”
Atsushi cupped his face in his hands, wiping a tear Ryuunosuke didn’t know had fallen.
“Ryuunosuke, you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
Ryuunosuke went to argue, but Atsushi shushed him gently.
“It’s my turn now. Just listen to what I have to say, okay?”
Ryuunosuke sighed. “Fine.”
“I don’t see any of the things you mentioned as bad things and they’re certainly not ugly. They’re simply visible signs of the struggles you’ve endured and the strength you still possess. Seeing you bare, and knowing that even without your coat, despite your perceived frailness, you could kill me, it turns me on.”
He grinded his dick into Ryuunosuke shallowly.
“I mean, does it feel like I find you unattractive.”
Ryuunosuke moaned when Atsushi bucked his hips once.
“But the hottest thing about seeing you without your shirt,” He started thrusting again, slowly, “is knowing how much you must trust me to let me see you like this. To allow me in your space without your strongest defense. It makes me unspeakably happy.”
Ryuunosuke was crying. Atsushi was holding his face like he was something worth protecting, worth caring about. He was fucking into him with a gentleness Ryuunosuke didn’t deserve, and Ryuunosuke was crying.
“Hey… don’t cry. Do you want me to stop?”
“No, god no. Keep going.”
Atsushi smiled, and kissed him gently, softly, if Ryuunosuke didn’t know better, he’d think Atsushi kissed him with love. But, Ryuunosuke did know better, and there was no universe where Atsushi, kind, beautiful, perfect Atsushi, loved a dog like Ryuunosuke.
Ryuunosuke felt the heat in his gut grow, as Atsushi slowly abused his prostate.
Then Atsushi started talking again and Ryuunosuke knew he wouldn’t last long.
“You’re the most gorgeous creature.”
Ryuunosuke huffed a laugh at the dramatic compliment.
“Your smile is so stunning, please do it again.”
Ryuunosuke flushed bright red and brought one of his hands up to cover his face, but Atsushi caught his wrist.
“Please don’t hide. I just learned that you need to hear how beautiful you are and I’d like to see the adorable blush as I do.”
Ryuunosuke looked back at him, flushed, crying, and on the edge of an orgasm. Then Atsushi said something Ryuunosuke never thought Atsushi would say to him.
Atsushi leaned in and gently brushed his lips against Ryuunosuke’s lips, then his forehead, and then his cheek. He buried his face in Ryuunosuke’s neck again and Ryuunosuke could hear his breath against his ear. He could feel his muscular chest against his own, his heartbeat in sync with Ryuunosuke’s. He felt more connected to him than he ever had.
Then Atsushi spoke, softly tentatively, almost scared.
“Ryuunosuke, I love you so much it hurts.”
Ryuunosuke’s vision whited out as he came, dick spilling between them, back arching into Atsushi, legs clamping around his hips. It felt never ending, like he was floating through his orgasm, pleasure wracking his body.
Distantly, he felt Atsushi cum inside of him and pull out.
Atsushi held him to his chest, and Ryuunosuke closed his eyes, just resting. He felt more at peace then he ever did after they fucked. He knew that Atsushi most likely didn’t actually believe any of the things he had said, but it still made him warm and relaxed to have heard them.
He whimpered when Atsushi pulled away. But he was back quickly with a soft warm damp towel. He cleaned Ryuunosuke up and pulled him back to his chest. Ryuunosuke sighed and nuzzled into him.
Ryuunosuke didn’t want to break the comfortable silence that had fallen between them, but he had to know if Atsushi had meant anything he said. Specifically if he actually loved him. Because as desperate as Ryuunosuke was to believe him, he figured it was too good to be true.
“Did you mean it?”
Atsushi looked affronted. “Ryuunosuke, I meant everything I said. You’re so beautiful and I’ll say it until you believe it.”
Ryuunosuke didn’t mean that part so he just looked at Atsushi blankly.
“You love me?”
Realization dawned on Atsushi’s face, and he ducked his head, flushed bright red. “That’s what you meant, huh? Yeah…uhm I do. I know that’s not what we do, though. If you’re uncomfortable, I-”
“I love you too.”
“…what?”
Ryuunosuke chuckled and placed a soft kiss on Atsushi's lips. “I love you too, idiot.”
A bright smile split across Atsushi’s face and Ryuunosuke was suddenly being squeezed in a crushing hug.
Ryuunosuke fell asleep happy and warm, content to lay on Atsushi’s chest.
When he woke up, Ryuunosuke looked to the other side of his bed, hoping that Atsushi had actually spent the night for the first time. He was disappointed to see the bed empty. Maybe saying he’d loved him hadn’t meant as much to Atsushi as it had to Ryuunosuke. He sighed and slowly got out of bed.
He pulled pajamas on and breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been on edge when he’d noticed he’d woken up naked. Ryuunosuke hadn’t slept without a shirt on since he developed control of Rashoumon. Atsushi must’ve made him feel insanely safe for him to fall asleep naked.
He wasn’t going to let Atsushi’s leaving get to him. Maybe he had work or important business. Or maybe he just didn’t want the kind of relationship with Ryuunosuke that Ryuunosuke wanted with him. That was fine. Ryuunosuke hardly deserved what he already had from Atsushi, let alone more.
Ryuunosuke went to his kitchen to make himself tea, but froze when he saw Atsushi humming to himself as he cooked something Ryuunosuke couldn’t see on the stove. There was already a pot of tea ready and his favorite mug was set next to it.
Ryuunosuke smiled. This was more than he could possibly ask for. More than he’d ever thought he could have.
Atsushi startled when he noticed Ryuunosuke in the doorway, then he frowned.
“Awww I was trying to surprise you with breakfast in bed!”
Ryuunosuke chuckled. “You should’ve woken up earlier.”
“I did! But you were just so pretty, I got distracted staring. Didn’t start making breakfast till half an hour ago.”
Ryuunosuke flushed, but still rolled his eyes. “Well you’ll have to get a stronger will if you want to bring me breakfast in bed.”
“Go lay back down!”
“What?”
“Go go go. I’m gonna bring you breakfast. I’m almost done, anyway. Pretend to be surprised.”
Ryuunosuke laughed to himself as he did as he was told, walking back to the bedroom.
Maybe he and Atsushi could be something soft and sweet. Maybe they could have domestic bliss and gentle sex. Maybe they both deserved that.