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Poob was talking with Folly over tea. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence. The parasite insisted on making sure they hadn't started trying to hurt themself again, as if they didn't have an amazing boyfriend who got upset even when they got hurt on accident. They couldn't imagine the fit Pest would throw if they hurt themself on purpose.
But they had a feeling she was also checking to make sure they hadn't picked up the same preferences as their boyfriend. They hadn't. The thought of consuming human meat freaked them out as much as getting hurt usually did. They only seemed to be able to stomach it when they were the one causing themself injury.
"I still dislike that you actually accepted that bug."
"I like him, Folly."
"How unfortunate."
They rolled their eyes and sipped their tea. It was lavender with plenty of sugar added. Folly was sipping from her cup, filled with Earl Grey, when Poob set their cup down and shook their hands. They hated waiting; it felt like something was skittering under their skin whenever they had to wait too long, but they knew Folly was making them wait on purpose. They could recognize that, but it didn't stop the bugs crawling under their skin.
"How have you been?"
"Fine. A little worried that the police will try to implicate Pest in the recent heist over at the jewelry store somehow, but other than that, I haven't had any issues."
"Good."
Folly sipped her tea again. They forced themself not to shake their arms again. They wanted to step out of their skin and shake it out to get rid of the bugs, but the bugs weren't real. They were just a "figment of their imagination" as some of their relatives put it. It didn't matter, at least to those relatives, how real the bugs felt. They were always to suck it up and deal with it. Easier said than done.
Instead of shaking their entire body like they wanted to, they picked up their tea and sipped it slowly. The warmth from it filled them, pushing away some of the bugs. They didn't like waiting, and they didn't like silence.
Folly set her cup down on the saucer and looked at them.
"You do not need to mask around me."
"I know but—"
"No buts. You are of no use to the rock if you are overstimulated or having a meltdown. If you need time to settle, let someone know."
"Right. Sorry. Some of my relatives raised me to believe that those things were wrong and that I just needed to deal with it."
"That is incorrect. More than that, asking for help is a way of "dealing with it", as you have so phrased it."
"Huh. I never thought about it like that."
Folly sipped her tea again. They mimicked the action with their own cup. They set it back on the saucer when they felt their hands starting to shake. The tea was really good and they'd rather not spill it by accident.
"You do not need to bottle everything up all the time, pup. You have plenty of people to talk to if you need it."
"I know."
"Good."
When they got home that night, Pest was already fixing something for the both of them for dinner. It smelled amazing. They breathed it in and smiled.
"Hey babe!" Pest called from the kitchen. "Dinner will be ready soon."
"Alright. I'm gonna head to the bedroom and lay down for a bit."
He stepped out of the kitchen and said, "How'd your talk with Folly go?"
"Fine. She gave me the much needed reminder that I don't have to bottle everything up or hide behind a mask. And the tea was nice."
"Are you fine with being touched right now?"
"Not really. I wanna lay down right now."
"Alright. I'll come get you when dinner is done."
Poob nodded and headed to the bedroom. They set their satchel on the hook on the inside of the door and slipped off their shoes before flopping onto the bed. It was freshly made, so Pest must've fixed it up either before he left for work or after he got home. He was always more particular about having the bed made than they were. At least unless the sheets got dirty enough to the point it made their skin itch, but Pest was usually pretty good at changing the sheets regularly so that didn't happen very often, if at all.
They closed their eyes and breathed in and out slowly. Going to a party after their visit with Folly had seemed like a good at the time, but it had ended up just being dizzying and overstimulating. They really should've just come back home when they had finished their visit with Folly. They shouldn't have gone to a party when they weren't absolutely sure they could handle it. But that was in the past.
Right now, they were on their bed, surrounded by familiar scents. They would grab one of Pest's hoodies and bury their face in it, but that required getting up.
They continued to lay there, enjoying the quiet ambience of their apartment. It was calming.
After a few more minutes, a knock came from the door before Pest stepped in and informed them that dinner was ready.
They got out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Pest had already prepared them a plate and was working on fixing a plate for himself.
They took the plate and sat at the dining table. Pest sat across from them. He had made dino nuggies and mac and cheese. It was one of their comfort foods, which meant he had probably expected them to need familiarity when they got home. It made them smile. Things like this were just one of the many reasons they'd fallen for him.
They ate slowly, something they had needed to train themself to do so they wouldn't eat too fast and choke on the food or look like a freak in public. It was just another method of masking.
Pest watched them as they ate, not saying anything. They didn't mind. They usually didn't like being watched because it made the bugs skitter under their skin, but Pest was one of the few exceptions. It felt comforting when he did it.
"You overstimulated yourself today."
It wasn't a question. They were able to glean that much from his tone. They nodded and said, "It wasn't on purpose."
"It rarely is."
He didn't sound angry, but they knew from experience that people didn't always show their emotions in their voice or on their face. That was why they watched body language. It was much easier (for them at least) to ascertain how someone was feeling by studying their body language. Most of the commons (which is how they referred to neurotypicals; they liked thinking of people in terms of what rarity they'd be in a game) didn't realize how much their body language told someone about them and how they were feeling.
But sometimes, it was better to just ask.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Of course not. Just worried. You have a habit of not recognizing when you need the familiar until you're already overstimulated."
They didn't say anything. He was right, and they both knew it.
"You always get overstimulated when you go out after visiting with that parasite. What did you two even talk about?"
"Various things. She was making sure I haven't started hurting myself again."
He scoffed and said, "As if I'd let you."
They smiled again. They knew how protective he was. He always had been, ever since they started dating and even a bit before. Maybe he had liked them before his protectiveness had started, but if he had, he'd been very good at hiding it in his body language. Or it was possible that they hadn't known what to look for. They'd never had someone like —love— them in the same way Pest did. Most people liked them for their looks (with the exception of their chub) or because they were cheerful, or some other shallow reason. Pest was the first person who hadn't shied away from them the first time he saw them having a meltdown. He had stayed and helped them through it in any way he could. When they had made an offhand comment about wishing they were thinner, Pest had held them close and reminded them that old statues of Aphrodite had rolls and curves just like they did.
"Finish your food."
Poob nodded and focused back on their food.
Later that night, they were laying in bed together. Poob had their face buried in Pest's chest, breathing in his scent. It was wonderful and comforting and familiar.
Pest had all four of his arms wrapped around them with his lower arms gently kneading the rolls on their stomach. One of his upper arms was running through their hair while the other just held them around their waist.
"Thank you for this," They said. They kept their voice low and soft. "I know I'm not the lightest person.
"Hush. I like how heavy you are. You're like a weighted blanket. Very warm. And mine. All mine."
They smiled softly and breathed in his scent again. It was calming, safe. It always was.
"Mine," Pest said again as he buried his face in their hair. "My treasure."
Their heart skipped and stuttered in their chest at the pet name. It was one of the rarer ones, and he never used it around other people. He had mentioned that he used to get odd looks when he was too possessive of a partner so he learned not to show it so much in front of other people. They had responded that they didn't care about looking weird to people and hadn't for a while and that they loved how possessive he was. It made them feel safe.
"What should we do for dinner tomorrow?" They asked, their voice muffled against his chest.
"We could go to that Mac Bar that opened up nearby. I know you've been wanting to try it."
"That sounds good."
Silence settled over them like a blanket. They enjoyed the feel of Pest's body under theirs, the feeling of his hands massaging and kneading their skin, the feeling of his fingers running through their hair. It was nice. They were safe.
It was a few days later when the police came with a warrant for Pest's arrest. They tried to protest, but the officers refused to listen. They felt like they couldn't breathe as those people took the person they cared about the most away. The person who always made them feel safe. They couldn't breathe.
When the police were gone and they felt like they could somewhat breathe again, they called Folly. They didn't know what else to do and hers was the first name they saw through their tears.
They pressed the phone to their ear. Listened to it ring. Once. Twice. She answered on the third ring.
They tried to speak. The only sound that came was the horrible keening sound. It sounded awful. It sounded like they couldn't quite get enough air. It sounded like something was wrong with them. Something was wrong. They had just lost the person they loved most. He had been stolen from them. And they wouldn't be able to defend him in court. That would be a conflict of interest.
"Pup? What's wrong?"
"I— They—" They couldn't get the words out. Their throat closed around them, and there was nothing they could do to force the words out. Their vision was getting blurry. They felt light-headed. Those god awful bugs were back. It felt like their muscles were being chewed on along with the usual skittering on their bones but a thousand times worse. They could feel the meltdown approaching.
"I'll be there in five minutes."
She hung up.
What did that mean?
It took ten to get here from where she took up residence when on this plane.
They couldn't let her see them like this. They had to hide. She hadn't seen them in a meltdown before. They'd been doing so good.
But for some reason, they couldn't make their body move.
They were on the floor.
When did that happen?
They tried to focus on breathing.
It didn't work.
The image of Pest in handcuffs kept floating through their mind, haunting them.
It hurt to breathe.
The edges of their vision were getting dim.
Tunnel vision.
That's what the doctors called it.
They couldn't focus on seeing anything.
Their vision was blurry and dim.
There was a sound, then a voice.
Someone was on the floor next to them.
They heard the voice.
They couldn't make out who it belonged to or what it was saying.
Their body was so loud. The bugs were a torment.
They wanted to rip their skin open and dig the bugs out.
They felt warmth. Someone was holding them. There was another voice. This one was more robotic. Who?
Who?
Who was holding them?
Who was talking?
They wanted to scream.
They tried to scream.
The only thing that came out was that horrible, broken keening sound.
They tried again and again.
It was just that horrid sound. The one they had tried so hard not to make. The one their parents had tried to beat out of them.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
They needed to breathe.
They couldn't seem to draw in enough air.
Breathe.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
They could feel themself starting to calm down.
They wanted Pest.
The image of him in handcuffs flashed in their mind again, and the air left their lungs.
They made the keening sound again.
They gasped desperately for air.
In.
Out.
Don't think about Pest.
In.
Out.
Don't think about the men in blue stealing him away.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
Their vision was starting to clear up. They still couldn't see anything, and they realized their face was pressed against something. They breathed in and recognized Folly's scent.
Her sweater was wet. So was their face. They must've been crying.
Don't think about Pest.
They forced themself to keep breathing.
The voice was still chattering. It wasn't Folly's. It was robotic. They thought of every robot they knew.
SCAG? No. It wasn't Prototype either. Or Melanie's, though they did catch a bit of her scent, so she had to be nearby. It didn't sound like Reddy, who would've only freaked them out more at the moment. It was Null. It had to be.
That made the most sense. That's who Folly would've called first after she hung up. She must've realized something was wrong.
They didn't wanna get up, but they had to.
When they tried to move though, Folly held them tighter.
"Not yet, pup."
The words came through clear. That was a good sign. Breathe. They still needed to breathe.
After a few more minutes, she finally let them go. They wiped their face on their sleeves. Their face was still stained with tears. Wait. This wasn't their hoodie. This wasn't what they'd been wearing when Pest was taken away.
They sniffed the sleeve and immediately recognized his scent. Their breath hitched and they forced the thought of him in handcuffs out of their mind.
Folly grabbed their face and forced them to look at her.
"What happened, pup? And where is Pest?"
Their breath hitched, but they had to tell her. They would tell her. They took a deep breath.
"The blue people came and stole him."
They could see the confusion in her eye.
"Blue people?"
"Do you think they mean the police?"
Melanie's voice. It came from the kitchen. Was she making something?
Folly eyed them and asked, "Is that what you mean?"
They nodded.
"Why did the police take him?"
"They said he had something to do with the heist."
Folly cursed quietly.
"Well, that's just silly."
DrRETRO's voice. They were startled to hear her speaking English. They hadn't even known she could.
They tried to turn their head to see if they could find her, but Folly held their face tighter. She squished their cheeks.
"Listen, chubs, we aren't gonna let him stay there. We'll get him out. But you aren't going to do anything. I don't want to find you in the middle of another meltdown."
"Can I still visit him?"
"Sure. I'll drive you. But not today."
Folly finally let go of their face.
They buried their face in the sleeve of Pest's hoodie and breathed in his scent. It was calming. It would be better if he was actually here.
After a few more minutes, Melanie brought them a plate of food. A quesadilla and a grilled cheese. Comfort foods. They took the plate, trying to ignore how their hands still shook. They are the food because otherwise they would start crying again.
After they ate, Folly helped them up from the floor and settled them on the couch. She sat on one side of them and DrRETRO sat on the other side. Melanie and NULL grabbed the ottoman and a stool respectively and sat down in front of the two.
"S-So what are we gonna do now?" Melanie asked, fidgeting with her sleeves.
"Well, leavin' them alone doesn't seem like a good idea right now," DrRETRO pointed out. They hated that she was right. They were not in a good headspace and being alone would only make it worse.
"We could play some video games."
"Most split screen games only allow up to four players," Folly stated.
"Then a movie?"
"Sure," Folly said before moving from her spot. She got up and put a movie on. One of the DVDs they had. She settled back in her spot as Melanie and NULL turned around and adjusted where they sat so they weren't blocking anyone's view.
The movie was one of their favorites, and as they watched, the feelings of bugs under their skin slowly faded.
Folly had decided to stay over that night. That was helpful. If they were alone too long, they might reach for something sharp. They knew they shouldn't. They had been clean for almost nine months. 8 months, 23 days, and 7 hours. But meltdowns had a tendency to wreak havoc on their mental state.
That was why Folly had insisted on not leaving them. DrRETRO had done much the same. They had gotten into an argument about who would stay. It had made Melanie distraught. Eventually, NULL just flipped a coin. Before she left, DrRETRO ran through basic medical stuff with Folly and made sure she had what she needed if they got hurt. Folly had absorbed the information, and NULL had listened in as well.
They wanted Pest back.
They couldn't get to sleep. His side of the bed still held his scent, but he was gone. His warmth wasn't there to envelope them and lull them to sleep. The comforting weight of his body pressing against theirs wasn't there. His presence was gone, stolen away by the system. But they trusted Folly. They had to. Otherwise they'd go mad.
They wanted him back.
They wanted to lay on top of him again and feel him squeezing and kneading and playing with their chubby bits and running his fingers through their hair. They hadn't realized how much his presence affected and comforted them until he was gone.
They wanted him back. He was theirs, and they were his. What right did the police have to steal him for something he had no part in? They wanted to burn themself. Or the police.
They found themself digging through their closet, pulling out the familiar ashtray, lighter, and incense. Pest had insisted that they put the stuff in a place where it would be hard to reach since they used to put the sticks out on their arms if they didn't have the time to let them burn all the way down to ash.
But they'd been a lot better about not hurting themself and the aroma of their incense helped prevent a meltdown, usually. And they needed whatever they could get to keep them from going into another meltdown so soon.
Don't think about Pest in handcuffs.
If they thought about it, they would panic again.
They set everything up and lit the incense. They watched it burn down, watched the ashes tumble into the ashtray, occasionally moving it to make sure the incense was still burning safely over the ashtray.
When the incense was a quarter gone, there was a knock on their bedroom door.
"Door's not locked."
Folly came in and stared at them.
"Are you alright, pup? You usually don't like it when people come into your spaces."
"I'm fine."
"You're burning incense."
They just nodded.
"You better not use your skin to put it out."
"I won't."
"Good. Do you want company?"
"Close the door. You're letting the smoke out."
Folly pushed the door closed, but she stayed by the door.
"You miss him, don't you?"
"They stole him from me. For something he didn't even do!"
"I know, pup, I know."
They focused on the incense again.
Don't think about Pest in handcuffs.
"When do you go visit him?"
"Maybe in like a week or two."
"That's a good idea. You need time to yourself so you don't have another meltdown."
They nodded.
She settled next to them and stayed with them until the incense had burned down to the end.
Poob fidgeted with their sleeves. Folly was currently driving them to the jail where Pest was being kept. The bugs were crawling along their bones again, but there thankfully weren't too many and they were moving at a rather sluggish pace.
But they were still anxious. They missed him. A lot. And they were getting to see him today. That didn't help to ease the anxiety any at all, but they had some of their chewy necklaces to bite and chew on if it got too bad.
They watched as the pickup pulled up in front of the jailhouse. They put the chewy necklace into their mouth and started chewing as hard as they could.
"Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"Yeah, but just wait in the lobby."
She nodded. They gently took her hand and walked into the jailhouse. The receptionist was a sweet woman. Folly let go of their hand as they were led to a visiting room. They bit down harder on their chewy. The dullness of this place was horribly understimulating.
The second the guard stepped out of the room, Pest immediately latched onto them and crushed them against his chest. The skittering against their bones immediately stopped. It felt like they could breathe again. It felt as if they were taking their first breath after being underwater for a while. They buried their face in his chest and breathed in his scent, taking deep, desperate breaths. He held them tightly. His lower arms found the rolls on their lower stomach/abdomen and began massaging and kneading their flesh. They clung to him tightly, and he just held them close.
"I missed you," Pest whispered in their ear. The words sent a shiver down their spine.
"I missed you too."
"How have your been?"
"Not too good. I had a meltdown after you were stolen."
"Stolen? Is that what you've been calling it?"
They nodded. He chuckled softly, his breath ruffling their hair.
"That's adorable."
He continued to hold them close for several minutes. The silence was comfortable.
"Before you go, cause I'm not sure how much longer we have, can I ask a favor?"
"What is it?"
"You know about my… preferences?"
They nodded, not liking where this was going.
"If there's some of the ingredients in reserves, would you be willing to make me something from my cookbook?It should be in the closet under where you keep your incense."
"I can try."
"Thank you. If there isn't anything in reserves, don't worry about it."
"I won't."
"Good."
He kissed the top of their head.
"You missed!"
"Huh?"
They stood on their tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. He grinned against their lips before returning the gesture.
If visiting the jailhouse made them nervous, going to check Pest's storage unit was downright terrifying. He had told them the code once before, but they had never actually been. They weren't actually sure what to look for, but Folly was with them and she has said she'd help look.
Having a friend with them made it less frightening.
When they got there, they put the code in and the gate squealed open. The sound grated on their ears. Thankfully it didn't last too long. When they reached the unit, Folly opened the door. The two of them looked around, but they couldn't find anything. It was empty.
They stepped back out and Folly closed the door before turning to stare at them.
"You better not be planning to do anything drastic."
"I would never. I don't like hurting people."
"I know that, but I also know that you haven't had any problem with hurting yourself, at least in the past. That could've changed."
They didn't answer. The thought of using their own flesh hadn't even crossed their mind until Folly had brought it up.
"Well, now that u mention it—"
"You're not using your own body, pup! That would be suicidal."
"I know first aid!"
"Enough to keep yourself from bleeding out?"
"If it comes to it."
"Look chubs, I'm not letting you hurt yourself. In fact, I think I'll stay the night just to make sure you don't try anything."
They pouted, but they didn't argue. They were smart enough to know that it wasn't an argument they could win.
That night, they laid wide awake in bed. Pest's scent was mostly gone from it by now, and they hated that. It wasn't fair! He hadn't been any part of the heist. They hated it.
But that's not what was stealing sleep for them this time.
Pest had seemed hopeful when he had asked them to make him something from his cookbook. They didn't want to dash those hopes. They weren't going to go hunting to get the meat for anything in the cookbook, but they were planning to look through it and see what recipes used a calf. They weren't stupid enough to risk cutting off anymore than that. Though they would most likely cut just above the knee.
But they weren't going to do it while Folly was here. She would stop them before they even got the chance to start. However, they could start looking through the cookbook.
Carefully and quietly, they slipped out of bed and headed to the closet, grabbing the flashlight from their nightstand. They stepped into the walk-in and closed the door behind them. It would be better to do this in the closet since it was further away from the guest room Folly was staying in.
They clicked on their flashlight and began looking through where they had kept their incense until the night of their meltdown a week back. Finding the cookbook wasn't too difficult. It was in Pest's handwriting. Something about that calmed the bugs skittering along their bones. They sat down on the floor and opened it, using their flashlight to read by. It creeped them out a bit that the book was sectioned by body parts, but it was very helpful.
When they eventually found a recipe, they made sure to bookmark before tucking the book back where it belonged and heading back to bed. As they laid in bed trying to sleep, they began to think through their plan. They would probably have to make this recipe the day Pest was released because it would probably be easiest since they could hide in the bathroom until they had taken care of themself. They would need to get a tourniquet and plenty of bandages though, but that shouldn't be too hard. There was already a tourniquet in the hall bathroom, so they really just needed to buy the bandages and they knew some people they could go to for that. They would also need tarp, but that was also pretty easy to get. They would also have to make sure whatever they used to take the limb off was sharp enough to bone.
Despite their planning, they were still scared. They couldn't tell anyone about what they were doing because whoever they spoke to would try to stop them, especially if they went to Folly or DrRETRO.
Poob's hands shook as they closed the bathroom door behind them. It was currently 8:14 AM. They had just gotten the call that Pest was being released today at noon. That gave them about four or five hours to get this done. It was a terrifying thought. They were afraid, but they weren't going to let them stop them.
They pulled off their pants and lowered themself into the tub which they had filled with tarp. They had set everything they needed in easy reach. The cleaver had been difficult to find. They grabbed the tourniquet and placed it just above where they were going to make the amputation.
They picked up the cleaver and brought it down just above their left knee. Pain screamed through them, but they didn't stop. They brought the cleaver down again. There wasn't as much blood as there would be without the tourniquet, but there was still a lot.
They brought the cleaver down again. They heard the splinter of bone. They had to pause. They were shaking too much. They were getting close to being done, at least with this part of the process.
They raised the cleaver again and brought it down. It was weaker this time. They brought the cleaver down again and finally finished amputating the limb. They felt dizzy.
They grabbed the bandages and started wrapping them around the stump.
Once that was done, they got out of the tub. It was difficult to stand one leg. They grabbed the amputated limb and headed to the kitchen. The process of actually cooking the meal for Pest went by in a blurry.
When they finished, they looked at the clock. It was 10:57 AM. He would be home soon. They set the plate on the dining table and headed back to the bathroom. They had to clean up the mess they had made.
They ended up in the tub after they'd pulled the tarp out of it. Their body felt weak and shaky.
They heard the front door open, the sound of footsteps entering the apartment and approaching the dining table.
It was silent for a long time.
They were struggling to keep their eyes open.
Suddenly, the bathroom door opened. They jolted awake. When had they dozed off?
Pest was standing in the doorway, staring at them. He was completely silent.
He stared approaching, chittering in frustration.
"You idiot. What did you do??"
He knelt next to the tub, reaching for them. He pulled them out of the tub, cradling them against his chest.
"I wanted to make u something from your cookbook, but there wasn't anything in the storage unit…"
"I told you not to worry about it if there wasn't anything in reserves!"
"But—"
"No buts! I didn't want you to hurt yourself. I hate seeing you hurt."
He started carrying them out of the bathroom. They tried to move, but he tightened his grip.
"Don't struggle. I'm taking you to the hospital."
He carried them out of the apartment and into the elevator.
"Can I close my eyes? I'm tired."
"Yeah get some rest."
When they finally woke up again, they were in a hospital bed. Pest was leaning on the bed near where they had amputated their leg. He was dozing off with his head in his arms. The sun was shining brightly through the windows. Their head felt much clearer, though they were rather hungry.
They sat up slightly, and Pest instantly jolted awake. He stared at them for a long moment before gently taking their hand.
"I love you, but please never do that again."
"I won't."
"Good."
"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make you happy..."
"You don't need to hurt yourself to do that, treasure."
"But—"
"No buts. You don't get to pull a stunt like this again."
They nodded slowly. He smiled.
"Once the doctor clears you, do you wanna go out and get dinner?"
They nodded again.
That night, Pest took them to a fancy Italian place with really good (and unlimited) breadsticks. They had a great time, and when the got home, Poob slept much easier with Pest beside them again.