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For the first time, waking up next to Hinata...
It was a splendid morning, Komaeda thought.
The sun gradually intruded upon the quiet scene inside the cottage. Filtering in through the window, its light crawled across the floor and drew nearer to them by the minute. As its rays touched Hinata's cheek, his peaceful sleeping expression was disturbed by a grumpy twist in his brow. Komaeda rested on his side and watched, cheek in his palm, as Hinata turned about in his sleep, trying hard to ignore the morning light's attempt to pull him from his sleep.
As he tossed and turned, Komaeda soon found himself with Hinata's arm thrown across him.
How fortunate he felt to experience such a moment.
Overwhelmed with happiness, he sucked in a breath and tried to stay still, afraid that if he moved, Hinata might realize that he was hugging him – not that it was a real hug. It was sort of like half of a hug, but it was all the same to Komaeda's overjoyed heart.
They already went a lot farther than hugging, yet, for some reason, a simple, affectionate gesture like a hug felt infinitely more important than anything else. Once he got over his embarrassment the first time, Hinata had no problem having sex with him, but Komaeda wanted something more than that. Of course, it made him happy to know that someone would find him attractive enough to do those kinds of things with him too, but...
What he wanted were those quiet moments that came without fanfare. He believed that hope, as something without a physical shape, might be found in those moments. That was how it felt.
Just sitting next to him, feeling his fingers against his palm, receiving his smile...
Being held by him was nice too. He liked it when they were able to laugh at themselves, to stumble awkwardly together through the things that made them feel young and stupid. Just, there was an irritating feeling of dissatisfaction that occasionally prodded at the back of his heart when they were alone. Slowly, a little at a time, he noticed that he felt Hinata's gaze upon him less when they were around others. That vague feeling he felt inside might have been jealousy or selfishness, but, whatever it was, it was building piece by piece each time Hinata looked somewhere else.
Komaeda had the feeling that if he let it go and let it continue to grow, it would consume him. And then there would be nothing left of him for Hinata or anyone.
Insufficient...
That was it. That was the way he felt. Insufficient.
There probably wouldn't even be a noticeable difference if he let that feeling swallow him. No one would notice if one grain of sand were missing from the beach.
That moment which began so pure and perfect was already marred irreparably by his twisted thoughts. He was the only one he could blame for ruining all the things he loved. It was safer not to love at all; to ignore those feelings or crush them before they had a chance to bloom. From the very beginning, as soon as he felt the warmth of Hinata's smile inside of him, Komaeda knew that it wouldn't last. He couldn't hold on to anything when the conclusion had been long determined.
That was why it was quite mysterious that he would continue to stay there by Hinata's side, watching his face even after the atmosphere in his heart had turned dark. Struggling against what was predetermined was pointless, and yet he kept doing it. As long as his happiness persisted and those quiet moments continued to accumulate, he felt encouraged to keep struggling, as if he would somehow prove victorious against his fate known as 'luck'.
He didn't know how it would happen, but, when he closed his eyes, Komaeda could already see the way Hinata's back would look as he walked away from him. Hinata would be fortunate if he could walk away before anything worse could happen.
Really, what had he been thinking, getting himself more involved with him...?
A single look at Hinata's face was answer enough. The tug Komaeda felt upon his heart as he looked at his gentle expression was the only motivation he needed to keep pursuing the impossible. It was enough to turn that pitiable feeling hiding at the back of his heart into a flame of determination.
He had to keep him. One way or another.
As Komaeda began to ponder what he could do to solidify the status of their relationship, he felt Hinata stir against his side. With a deep breath that turned into a yawn, Hinata snuggled up closer to him, and for a second, Komaeda thought he might've died and gone to heaven. The arm around his waist tightened slightly as Hinata grumbled and rubbed his face against his shoulder, looking like he was trying to wake himself up.
When Hinata finally succeeded and cracked open his eyes, he looked up at him blankly, his eyes still clouded by the haze of sleep.
“...Komaeda?”
“Good morning.” Dipping his head, he gave Hinata a kiss on the forehead, right between his sleepy eyes.
Letting go of him, Hinata rolled onto his back and scrubbed his hands over his eyes to clear them. After a moment of painful squinting and blinking, he looked back at him with a perplexingly perplexed look. “Why are you still here?”
It was strange that he would ask. “You expected me to leave after what we did last night? I'd have to be some kind of monster if I abandoned you after something like that. Don't you remember? We fell asleep romantically locked in each other's embrace. I don't recall hearing you say that you wanted me to leave before morning. I was quite happy.”
It looked like his attempt at making him feel guilty had been successful. Propped up on his elbows, Hinata looked away, smacked into silence for a moment. “Well... You know how it is. It's in the rules. You're supposed to sleep in your own cottage and nowhere else.”
“Hm? That's in the rules? What rules? Show me where there's a rule like that.”
He really had Hinata on the run. Hinata had just woken up and he already looked like he was going to start sweating from the pressure. “It just goes without saying, okay? We could get in trouble for this kind of thing.”
“Who would we be in trouble with? I'm pretty sure that Usami wouldn't care if we explained to her that our relationship isn't getting in the way of our progress with the hope fragments.”
It was strange. Hinata was acting very unusual. Komaeda knew that he could be paranoid sometimes, but he felt certain that he wasn't mistaken about the way that Hinata was responding to him. After what they did the night before, he thought that they would be even closer in the morning, but it seemed that he was wrong, and he didn't understand why. Uncontrollably, he began to blame himself, thinking that he must have done something that bothered Hinata, and Hinata was just too kind to say it.
“R-relationship...” Hinata repeated to himself, keeping his eyes lowered. After waking up, it seemed that he must have come to the sobering realization that he was involved in something he didn't want to be involved in.
Komaeda sat up, protectively pulling the sheets with him to keep himself modestly covered. His body was in flight mode, telling him that he should get out before he could be hurt, but his stubborn determination refused to let him move. “Hinata-kun, I think you know that it would be best for you to be straightforward with me. I don't like it when people beat around the bush.” The seriousness of his words stung the back of his throat. “I'm trash... I know. I know I'm just useless, unwanted garbage, so if you have a problem being with someone like me, then... I understand. You made me happy enough already, so at least let me keep those memories.”
He waited, almost feeling too afraid to look at Hinata.
Sinking back down onto his back, Hinata lifted his arms and put his hands over his face, letting out a loud sigh. “Jeez... Why do you have to be like this?”
No amount of preparation would have been able to save Komaeda from the bolt of pain he felt in his heart.
Before he could open his mouth to respond, Hinata stopped him when he noticed the way he'd reacted. “W- Wait, Komaeda- That's not... I'm sorry.” His tensed shoulders slowly relaxed and he looked at him with a gentleness in his eyes that Komaeda found hard to look at. “I didn't mean to sound like that. I'm just frustrated. After spending so much time with you already, I should have known what to expect, but it's just... It's too much for me to handle all at once.”
Komaeda shook his head. He felt somewhat numb. “No, it's alright. You don't have to be sorry at all. It has to be my fault. It made me feel so excited to have your attention, I ended up getting ahead of myself. I should have been happy with being friends. I don't know why I thought it would be okay to go farther than that.”
Friends?
That was so presumptuous. He couldn't even ask Hinata if he would allow him to still be his friend. Hinata, being so kind, would tell him that they could stay friends, but then they would inevitably become distant. Then Hinata would stop speaking to him completely.
When he willed himself to look at Hinata, he ended up on the receiving end of a very hard stare.
“What the heck are you talking about? It's like we're having two different conversations.” Finally, he sat up and moved himself closer. “I don't know what you're imagining, but I'm not trying to break up with you. Waking up next to you just makes things... feel different.”
For a second there, Komaeda saw a little glimmer of hope, but then it was crushed by the way that Hinata said 'different'. That didn't sound like it spelled anything good, but he felt too afraid to question it. Hinata might've just been trying to protect his feelings again by saying something like that. Later, once he worked up the courage to say it properly, he would probably break it to him. At least, by that point, Komaeda hoped that he would have made himself feel more prepared.
Or...
Or, if Hinata hadn't decided to break it off yet, then that meant he still had a chance.
“What should I do?”
“You don't have to do anything,” Hinata said. “Just give it time.”
There was no way he could naively waste time. More importantly, Komaeda hadn't realized that he'd spoken out loud – not that it changed much of anything. Hinata had only figured out what he was worried about, but Komaeda still had other concerns.
“Anyway.” Hinata started pushing back the sheets. “We should get ourselves dressed and go out to meet the others for breakfast. It might be a little early, but there's nothing wrong with getting a head start on the day, right?”
Getting out of bed early? That didn't sound like Hinata.
Who was this stranger?!
“H-hold on!” Before Hinata could step one foot out of the bed, Komaeda launched himself at him and caught him around the waist, tackling him back down onto the bed. He'd almost forgotten that they were completely naked until he felt his bare skin pressed up against Hinata's. While their relationship was in such an unstable state of limbo, it felt wrong, but he couldn't help the way that his mind was filled with dirty thoughts. He'd never been that close to anyone else before, and the contact felt so nice.
Hinata pressed a hand against his shoulder and gave it a light push, trying to get him off. “What do you think you're doing?”
What indeed.
He hadn't a clue. His body was moving on its own.
Komaeda kept himself on top of Hinata, keeping him pinned underneath him as he tried to get a grip on his thoughts. While he was thinking, his eyes started to wander away from Hinata's face and eventually rested on one of the noticeable purple bruises on his neck.
That was his fault. And so was the one next to it, and the one after that, and so on.
If he kept leaving marks on him like that, then maybe he wouldn't have to worry when they were around other people. There were a lot of pretty girls with them on their class trip, but if they noticed the bruises on Hinata's skin, they might realize that he was already taken. At the very least, even if Hinata's eyes began to wander to other people, it would discourage them from getting closer to him. That was most certainly a terrible, selfish thought, but it made Komaeda's lips curl wickedly. He wasn't going to be able to stop himself.
Without answering Hinata, Komaeda lowered his head and placed his lips against his neck and laid a gentle kiss to his skin. He heard Hinata mumble uncomfortably, but no complaints were issued, so Komaeda continued, lightly grazing his teeth over the sensitive existing marks. As he traced his fingertips up Hinata's bare side, he finally felt him react, jolting suddenly.
“Komaeda, we should really-”
“It's fine, isn't it?” he replied, looking up at Hinata from beneath his lashes, trying his very best to look alluring. He shut him up by covering his mouth with his lips, sealing his protests with his tongue. Although his focus remained on his half-baked plan to sink his hooks into him, Komaeda easily got caught up in how good it felt to kiss him. It was too hard to keep acting like he was someone else, even if it was for the sake of securing their relationship. He couldn't stop his true, desperate feelings from coming out.
His kiss quickly became sloppier as he gave in to his body's craving. He loved feeling Hinata against him. He loved kissing him. He loved knowing that Hinata would care for him above anyone else – and he wanted it to stay that way. It would be alright if Hinata gave his attention to other people as long as it meant that he would always return to him and care for him the most. Even if they ended things amicably and stayed friends, Komaeda could only imagine the kind of pain he would be in if he had to spend the rest of the trip seeing Hinata being happy with someone else.
He didn't want that.
Letting out an embarrassingly needy moan, Komaeda let go of his lips and redirected his attention back to Hinata's neck. Finding one of the smaller marks, he closed his lips around it and sucked, pulling the skin between his lips, worrying the spot lightly with his teeth. Hinata's skin was surprisingly fragile there. With just a little bit of effort, Komaeda found it very easy to leave bruises on him. There was something exciting about seeing Hinata wearing the marks he'd created. As someone who rarely got to hold on to the things he valued, he didn't think of himself as a possessive person, but it would've made him feel proud to call Hinata 'his'.
Suddenly, he was on his back, Hinata over him, straddling his waist. The look in his eyes was so passionate, Komaeda almost let himself believe it. He wanted to believe it, but he was afraid that it was like a mirage; if he looked away, that gaze would wander away from him again and vanish ahead or behind him, somewhere out of his sight. So he held fast to his resolve and put his arms around Hinata's shoulders, pulling him down into another kiss. It probably made him look too needy, but he hoped that Hinata would understand what it meant. He needed him that much.
For anyone else, it might have been too much, too soon. His desperation might've looked foolish, but that was because no one else knew what it was like to fear loss that deeply. With his luck, it was all a matter of course, but he didn't want it to be that way. From the bottom of his heart, screaming out loudly without a voice, he wanted to fight against the inevitable and tie his frayed, dangling thread to Hinata's.
For him, there was no such thing as 'too soon'. There was just the illusion of time. He had no such luxury. They would either be everything or nothing at all.
Softly, their lips parted. Komaeda searched his face, looking for a trace of the love he wished to see reflected. There may have been something, but it was hard to tell when the ache filling up his chest caused his vision to blur. All he felt was his own pathetic love pounding against the inside of his chest, pounding as if begging to be let out.
When Hinata got off of him and left the bed, Komaeda wasn't surprised. He watched him, his eyes semi-blind, head clouded with a pleasant and unsettling warmth and numbness. As he watched Hinata move about the room, collecting the clothes he'd discarded the night before, Komaeda examined his own life, wondering if there was something to be found in the mysterious gap in his memory that would have explained what made him want to cling to Hinata.
What was it? They had only just met to his knowledge, so why did he love him so much?
Had they loved each other before in the time he couldn't remember?
It was probably nothing. He probably wouldn't have found anything there, either. That was all probably just romantic wishful thinking. Had there been a time he couldn't recall like some kind of other life, he was sure that someone like Hinata would've loved someone else and he would've been better off.
As he watched Hinata dress himself, Komaeda noticed the way he distinctly avoided meeting his eyes. Resentment and frustration made the feelings in his chest boil, but he swallowed past the lump in his throat, closed his eyes for a few seconds, and allowed it to pass.
“Agh-” Hinata winced as he tightened his tie. Gingerly, he placed his fingers against his neck, then quickly retreated to the bathroom where he looked at himself in the mirror. A moment later, Komaeda heard him yelling again. “There are so many... Komaeda, what the heck? I know I didn't look like this last night. What am I supposed to do about this? I can't walk outside like this!”
He was overreacting. He could totally walk outside like that. It wasn't like he would combust as soon as the sun noticed that he had a few hickeys, come on.
Grinning to himself, shelving his worries for the moment, Komaeda rolled out of bed naked and quietly went to where Hinata was still fussing over himself by the mirror. Before he could notice him behind him in the reflection, Komaeda slipped his arms around Hinata's waist from behind and rested his chin upon his shoulder.
“Oh, Hinata-kun, it's fine. You worry too much.” That sounded rather hypocritical coming from his mouth, but he was going to hope that Hinata hadn't noticed. “Shouldn't you be happy? They're like little badges of love. You're my boyfriend now, so you should try to be a little bolder – be proud! Whenever someone notices them, they're going to think you're really cool.”
“I'm not sure that's how that works,” Hinata muttered, persistently prodding at one of the greenish marks like he was trying to erase it with his finger. “If anyone sees me like this, I don't know what they're going to think.”
Really, Komaeda was starting to get annoyed.
“So?” He asked, crowding him against the edge of the sink, pressing himself against Hinata's clothed back. “Are you saying that you don't like it? If you left marks on me, I would happily wear them in front of the others. I told you that you should speak clearly, so if you don't like it, then say something. Tell me you hate it.”
Hinata struggled but managed to turn himself around. Komaeda continued to stick to him, pressing their chests together, connecting their hips. “That's not really how I feel. I don't particularly hate it or anything. It's just...”
“'Just' what?”
Hinata appeared to be unable to answer him. If it were a simple matter of conflicted feelings, then Komaeda felt like his task would become much easier. With a little bit of this and a little bit of that, he could sway him into his corner, and then he would find a way to trap him there. Komaeda decided to begin with another kiss, making it so that Hinata couldn't issue any arguments. As he slipped his tongue into his mouth, he rolled his hips, grinding against him until he felt Hinata gasp against his lips and harden against his hip.
The feeling of the front of Hinata's pants was a little rough, but that didn't bother Komaeda enough to make him stop. He opened his eyes and stared at Hinata's face. His thrillingly submissive expression encouraged him to keep going, so he took the arms he had around Hinata's waist and moved them lower, putting his hands over his backside. For just a moment, he parted from his lips and allowed him to breathe. There was still something about his expression that made him look conflicted, but Komaeda could see that his needs as a boy his age were starting to win out.
“See? You don't hate it at all, do you?” Komaeda asked sweetly. He nuzzled the side of Hinata's neck and breathed hotly over the marks beneath his jaw. “If you hated this, you would have pushed me off. I know you can be aggressive when you need to be.”
Hinata shook his head, looking dazed. “That was in your own head. I never said I hated it.”
“Are you sure about that? Because it looked to me like you were trying to get away from me. I won't allow that, you know. You're very important to me now.” The words that left his lips sounded undoubtably possessive to Komaeda's own ears. Even he felt intimidated. Yet it didn't seem to do anything to shake Hinata's interest. He was looking at him in a way that was hard to read, but he wasn't trying to get away.
He found that one little greenish spot that Hinata had been prodding at and attached his mouth to it. Applying pressure, he heard Hinata give a small groan at the back of his throat. Komaeda could feel it reverberating against his lips. It might've hurt. It had to. All of those little marks were all very sensitive, but even if it hurt, his actions were making Hinata hard. He could feel his cock through the front of his pants, nudging against him in a needy way.
Suddenly, Hinata placed a hand on his shoulder and Komaeda froze. “Komaeda, if you keep doing this, you're going to get my clothes dirty.”
So that was what he was concerned about.
“I'll take care of it for you. Remember? I enjoy cleaning.” That was his way of reassuring him. That probably wouldn't have worked normally, but Hinata looked like he was in the mood to be convinced.
As for whether he would make a mess of Hinata's clothing... Komaeda felt a little hard, but he was more interested in pleasing Hinata. He couldn't care less about himself. Keeping one hand on his ass, grabbing a nice fistful, Komaeda slipped his other hand between them and palmed Hinata's cock through the front of his pants, stroking its outline. Hinata's beautiful gasp was like music to his ears. Licking his lips, he went back to work on his neck, choosing another small mark to intensify.
Hinata was right. Komaeda could imagine the looks on the faces of the others when they saw him with bright bruises all over him. There were even a few beneath the collar of his shirt, some on his chest. Komaeda would've been happy to put them everywhere. Then it would've been impossible for him to take his shirt off and go swimming without someone noticing his indecent appearance.
It might've been embarrassing for him too, but that was an embarrassment Komaeda would have welcomed. Some things were worth suffering if they were for the sake of receiving something even greater in return. Hinata's continued affection was very worth it.
“K-Komaeda...”
Hinata could probably feel the way his voice made him grin against his skin. Komaeda released his throat with a wet sound, his mouth and Hinata's skin glistening with saliva. He moved his lips to Hinata's ear and whispered quietly. “You're quite sensitive, aren't you? If this is what you like, then call on me whenever you want – only me, Hinata-kun.”
To his surprise, Hinata finally stopped resisting and gave in to what he wanted. Komaeda yelped, even more surprised when he felt Hinata's hands grab his ass and pull him closer. With quick, short breaths, Hinata moved his hips, grinding himself against his hip. Komaeda's cock was trapped in between, rubbing on the front of his clothes in a way that wasn't entirely pleasant. He didn't want to complain, though, so he tried to move along with him, eventually finding a pace and position that turned the rough sensation into something enjoyable.
Komaeda remembered what he was supposed to be doing with Hinata's neck, but it already looked really covered in bruises. Considering his work finished, he loosely put his arms around Hinata's waist and leaned against him. Putting his cheek against his shoulder, he breathed heavily, open-mouthed, as Hinata continued to grind his hips against him like an animal. His eyes were closed and his face was really red. Komaeda thought it was a cute look for him. So earnest.
“I think I'm going to...”
Grinning to himself, overcome by another wicked idea, Komaeda tightened his arms around Hinata, holding him firmly, making it hard for him to get away. He wasn't very strong, so if Hinata wanted, he could've probably gotten away from him, but he just kept on moving his hips, groaning helplessly like there was nothing he could do about it. When he finished, Komaeda had a feeling that Hinata was going to blame him for the mess even though he could have prevented it if he tried.
Playing devil's advocate, Komaeda pressed his lips against Hinata's to get his attention, then looked between them to direct his attention to where he was looking. “It makes me feel embarrassed to be the only one who's naked here, but doesn't this look amazing? Look at how hard you are. You're going to come any second now, aren't you? Go on.”
As if he had total control of Hinata's body, he came right when he told him to. Komaeda felt him stiffen, heard him let out a startled and dismayed-sounding cry. Despite that, Hinata kept moving against him, rubbing himself against his naked body until the quivering in his hips came to a stop.
After a heavy moment of silence, Hinata pulled away from him and immediately unfastened his pants. When he pushed them down and saw the mess he'd made, he became a bit pale.
“At least your pants look like they're alright,” Komaeda said. Though, he couldn't say the same for Hinata's underwear. Those were definitely ruined. “Here, take them off. I'll clean them for you later like I said.”
Hinata stared at him, slowly taking his eyes lower. “What about you...?” he said, asking about his dick which was still half-hard. “Uh. Do you want me to do something for you?”
That was... unexpected.
“Really? Would you?” He shouldn't have questioned it. There was a phrase about that. Something about a horse. “I mean, that would be appreciated. I think I'd like that, whatever you do.”
Carefully, one foot at a time, Hinata stepped out of his pants and put his underwear in the sink, giving them a shameful glance. He wouldn't have been able to wash those where everyone else did their laundry unless he really wanted to give them a reason to think he was a pervert. Komaeda couldn't help snickering to himself at the thought. When Hinata heard him, he simply looked away and pretended that it was nothing.
“Oh!” Struck by a sudden idea, Komaeda whirled around and went over to the bed. A second later, he returned, holding something for Hinata. “Here you go!” he said, proudly presenting him with his underwear. “I heard a nasty rumor that you were collecting everybody's underwear. You know, even if that isn't true, I wouldn't mind if you had a pair of mine. Since yours got dirty, you can wear these!”
Turning a bright red, Hinata waved his hands around in front of his face to dismiss his offer. “Wh-what? No way! You wore those ones already. Besides, we're probably different sizes or something, so why would I...”
“You want to, don't you?” The look on Hinata's face said that he totally wanted to wear them. At heart, he was a true pervert even if he tried to deny it. “I'm not going to judge you. I'm the one making the offer, after all. If you want to wear them, all you have to do is take them from me. Nobody else is going to know that you're wearing my used underwear.”
After another tense moment in which Hinata was undoubtedly fighting an internal battle, he let out a sigh and wordlessly snatched the pair of underwear from Komaeda's hands. He cleaned himself quickly at the sink, then slid them on. They did look a little snug, but Komaeda appreciated the way they clung to him, showing off everything in a way that left little to the imagination. He wasn't sure which was better – seeing him in his underwear or seeing him covered in bruises left by his lips. Then again, there was no need to decide which was better when he had them both at the same time.
After receiving such a blessing, he was sure there had to be a terrible misfortune awaiting him.
As Hinata stepped one foot into his pants, he paused and turned to look at him. “Wait, what about you? This is my cottage and these are your underwear so- ...Don't tell me. Are, uh... Were you expecting this to be an exchange? You're going to ask me for a pair of my underwear now in return, aren't you?”
...Was he allowed to ask for them?
That hadn't been on Komaeda's mind, but when Hinata made it sound like a possibility, he was tempted to take him up on his assumption and ask for them anyway. But he was too kind for that. He could see that he'd already distressed and traumatized Hinata enough for one day. To ask any more from him would have surely caused another meteor to fall from the sky, perhaps crashing into Hinata's cottage to turn them both into smoking ashes.
“Not at all,” he replied simply, feeling a part of his soul die at having to turn down the possibility of wearing Hinata's underwear. Albeit, it would have been a clean pair, likely, but still. “I didn't have anything like that on my mind.”
“Then...” Hinata's eyes scanned his body and took a couple nervous glances at his pile of clothes. He wasn't going to find a mysterious second pair of underwear hiding under his jacket. “S-seriously? So you're not going to wear any? Wouldn't that be uncomfortable?”
Komaeda shrugged and waltzed back toward the bed. He didn't mind letting Hinata see him naked, but it was getting a little awkward to hold a conversation without any pants on. Furthermore, he didn't feel motivated to leave his cottage. The marks on Hinata's neck looked sufficient, but he didn't like the thought of letting him be around the others, nor did he like the fact that Hinata was clothed.
He wasn't fully his yet.
He rolled onto Hinata's bed and playfully kicked his feet up behind himself, sending Hinata a mischievous smile. “Why don't we stay here and do it all day?”
“We can't do that.” Hinata stared at him with his brows drawn together.
“Why not?” Komaeda quickly tossed back. It was easy for two to play that game and it was usually easy for him to beat Hinata into submission with persistence alone. Since waking up, he'd already beaten him once. Besides, he didn't like that look he was giving him. It made him uncomfortable.
It only turned into a more troubling look of aggravation. “We can't because the others would think something was wrong and would come looking for us.”
“So? What's the big deal? People see me visiting your cottage all the time,” Komaeda said. Rolling onto his back, he slid under the covers on the side of the bed where Hinata had slept and made himself comfortable.
“'What's the big deal'? You don't get it yet? It must be so convenient for you if you can act like you're fine with everything.” That aggravation he heard in Hinata's voice was growing, and Komaeda really didn't like it. It made him feel like he was being yelled at like a child. “This is all new to me. I don't want anyone else getting involved while I'm still trying to figure it out.”
…
…
...That was the problem?
It had nothing to do with him? It was Hinata? That didn't make any sense, but it didn't look like Hinata was lying. That look he was giving him began to look less like aggravation to Komaeda. It may have been something closer to nervousness; a bursting, passionate, youthful nervousness. Everything was always his fault, so it was just so hard to believe, but what Hinata said appeared to be the truth.
“Why didn't you say so?” Komaeda asked, propping himself up on an elbow.
Hinata gripped his fingers in his hair like he was fit to tear it out. “I thought it was obvious! You're my first b-... Y-you're my first b... boyfriend.”
“Sorry. I'm just excited... Since you're my first boyfriend, too. And my first friend. I can't help it. I want to do everything with you.”
“I'm not saying we can't do all the things you want us to do together. I just want some more time to get used to it. I really like you, so I don't want to mess it up. I feel comfortable with you when we're alone, but I still get shaken up when we're around other people. I don't know how I'm supposed to tell everyone that we're dating or whatever, especially with the way they treat you.” After that long mouthful, he sucked in a breath and let his body relax somewhat when he released it. He continued to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room with his hands at his sides. “It's not you. Seriously. I... I don't know the first thing about being in a relationship. I feel embarrassed of my own feelings.”
All Komaeda could do was stare at him for a while, letting his words process.
That wasn't a lie, right? He wanted to believe that everything Hinata said was true.
If it was all true, then Hinata was already the perfect boyfriend.
Komaeda grinned happily, feeling the darkness around his heart fading away, blessed by Hinata's cutely embarrassed appearance. “That's so pure, Hinata-kun.”
“Sh-shut up,” Hinata muttered. He stalked toward him and climbed onto the bed. Putting his hands down on either side of Komaeda's head, he trapped him beneath him and looked down at him fiercely. “It's your fault that I'm like this. I'm weird now because of you. I'm wearing your underwear.” To retaliate, he gave Komaeda's cheeks a firm pinch between his fingers.
“Dash naht mahy fauhlt!” Komaeda said, his voice muffled by Hinata's pinching and his own unstoppable laughter.
No, wait, that was totally his fault.
But that just made it even funnier to him.
Komaeda rubbed his sore cheeks when Hinata mercifully let go of him. “See, you can't say it's my fault. I just helped unleash your inner pervert. It was always there.”
Letting go of a long-suffering sigh, Hinata sunk down onto Komaeda's chest. “You're so dumb...” Glancing up, he crawled up an inch – enough to give Komaeda a fast kiss. “You're awful. I can't believe you. I can't believe me. Who am I? Honestly, who am I anymore? I don't even know.” And, after getting existential for a worrying moment there, Hinata sunk back down on top of his chest and heaved another sigh. “And now I'm covered in all these kiss marks. I don't want anyone to see me like this. Why'd you have to go and leave so many on me?”
“Warding off competition.”
“What?”
“Huh?”
Yeah, it was for the best that he pretend he hadn't said anything. Hinata seemed like he was in a good mood after all, so Komaeda didn't want to give him any reasons to yell at him. It was bad enough that he'd given him more marks. Some of the particularly nasty ones were going to last for weeks.
Hinata pushed himself up and got off of him. Komaeda was sad to see him go as he once again left the bed and stood. “I'll go ask Mioda if she can cover this up with makeup for me. She already kind of figured out that we have something going on and she told me I can talk to her - not that I require the sage advice of Mioda Ibuki.”
“Really? Mioda-san did?” Komaeda went back to resting on his elbows, his chin in his palms. “Hmm, she's perceptive.”
“What are you talking about? We've just been too obvious." Hinata shook his head. He seemed more disappointed in himself than anything else. "Then again, maybe she is perceptive. She said that Sonia and Gundam have something going on too. I think there's something between Kuzuryuu and Pekoyama, but I don't want to stick my neck in between those two.”
That was quite a bunch, though, in a way, it didn't strike Komaeda as surprising. “I think there's something between Nidai and Owari-san, too. They spend an awful lot of time together. I also got the impression that there's someone Koizumi-san likes, but they aren't on this trip with us. For all I know, the other girls also have people they're interested in. Souda seems like the only loser here.”
“It feels weird to hear you call someone else a loser...”
“Did I misspeak?”
“Nah.” Hinata stifled a laugh made at Souda's expense. “But for real, though. That's a lot of people. Is everyone hooking up on this trip?”
“Maybe. In which case, you shouldn't feel so weird about what we've got going on. Perhaps we've spent all this time collecting hope fragments as a way to draw us closer to the person who our heart belongs with. Doesn't that sound romantic, Hinata-kun? I think I could be happy if this sweet, immature summer love blossoms into everlasting hope,” Komaeda said dreamily, clasping his hands together over his heart.
After that, Hinata didn't say anything like Komaeda expected. He just looked at him with a smile and a soft look in his eyes. Whatever it meant, it felt like a lot and made Komaeda want to hide under the covers, but he was frozen, even as Hinata returned. Leaning on the bed, Hinata dipped his head and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He looked kind of proud of himself for that one.
Then he got back up and turned toward the door. “I'm going to run over to Mioda's now. Get dressed and catch up with me, okay?” He looked back over his shoulder and pointed at his dresser. “Take a pair of mine. They're all clean, though. Hope you don't mind.”
When the door closed after Hinata, Komaeda sat in stunned silence for a moment. As it settled in, he flopped onto his back and stared at the canopy overhead.
So much had happened in the span of a few minutes.
He wondered where that meteor was because there was no way he could feel that happy without consequence. Everything felt too good to be true, but when he looked around, nothing seemed amiss. The cottage had returned to being a peaceful place.
And there was one other very important thing on Komaeda's mind.
“H... He said I can wear his underwear!”