Archive of Our Own

I don't know how to be fine when I'm not

'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

Just so you know

This feeling's taking control of me

And I can't help it

I won't sit around, I can't let 'em win now

Thought you should know

I've tried my best to let go of you

But I don't want to

-Jesse McCartney, Just So You Know

There's this man who spends a lot of his time at the pier on the edge of the island, near the bridge that leads back to Panorama City, who comes out and fishes, sometimes, but clearly not enough to make it a full time job. He must have another job that brought him to the island- and after enough time, when people see the amount of time that he is sometimes caught in the presence of the Rangers, people realize that he must be some sort of member of staff for the Rangers.

After a few months, he becomes something of a staple around the area, enough for people not to side-eye him as much when he appears on the wharf.

But still not quite. He's bright and he's shiny and he's full of the sort of enthusiasm for trying new things that no one else has tried before.

And he doesn’t belong.

---

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who swore to a prince that he would return as a knight- or, rather, as a samurai.

Once upon a time, there was a prince who fell in love with a commoner, but knew that he could not love him as he deserved to be loved.

Once upon a time, the sun fell in love with the moon, but neither the moon nor the sun could tell which one they were.

Once upon a time, the world was saved, and then those that saved it had to figure out how to live in the world that had continued living while they were spending their time dying.

---

Once upon a time, Antonio Garcia met Jayden Shiba, and he vowed to spend the rest of his life loving him.

And that’s the trick of the story, isn’t it?

---

It’s not like Antonio is unaware of what the higher-ups in the Samurai clans think of him. He might be brash and unapologetic and flashy, but he’s not oblivious.

If anything, Antonio has always been far too aware of what people think of him, ever since the day that a five-year-old was told that he was not good enough for his best friend, that if he didn’t go off and prove himself, he would never be able to see Jayden again.

Antonio knows that the higher up samurai clan members and their perfectly draped and attired lords and ladies don’t appreciate the fact that a working class son of a fisherman with no Samurai blood was able to sweep in and get not just a role as a Ranger, but also was able to steal the heart of Lauren Shiba’s heir. He can see it in every weird look he receives when he comes to walk back to the Shiba compound with Jayden after his meetings with the clans, can hear it in the way that some of the people dressed in full kimono speak when they're side-eyeing him when he occasionally brings some of his fish to the market, can feel it in the way that they refuse to shake his hand- or when they do, they look like they want to rub their hand on the clothes when they're done.

He can tell that they see him as Jayden’s pet, his fascination, if they think of him as anything more than an upstart annoyance.

But it’s fine. It’s not like he’s unused to being looked down on, for being working-class, for being Latino, for being too much in places where they rely on you to be too little.

Antonio has always refused to stop burning bright as can be, no matter what people think, and it doesn’t matter what they think, anyway.

It doesn’t matter that they think so little of him, despite being the Gold Ranger that finally unlocked the black box after so long, despite doing the fucking impossible and being the first person to unlock symbol power without Samurai blood in their veins, despite the fact that he brought back multiple zords from hibernation, despite nearly burning himself to the ground for the Samurai-

Alright. Maybe it was more for Jayden than for any higher goal. Maybe Antonio has always just been a moon in orbit around a much brighter sun, reflecting the light of the gravity he has never been able to escape.

He’s only here for Jayden.

He’s only ever anywhere for Jayden.

Antonio could call one of the other Samurai to complain, to bitch, but Mike is off with Kevin, with Kevin training for the Olympics while sharing an apartment with Mike, who is getting to spend his time playing video games and adjusting to being normal again. Emily is off with her sister, spending time helping her sister with physical therapy now that she’s home from the hospital. She’s set to visit Mike and Kevin for the Olympic tryouts.

And as for the Lady Shiba herself-

Lauren has gone off on a trip with Mia, as she deserves- it must really be love, being the only one who likes Mia’s cooking, and they both deserve the best- and thus Jayden and Antonio are the only ones that remained on the island. 

And he doesn’t want to ruin any of his friends’ well-earned retirements and vacations with his own annoyances.

(Besides, none of them would understand, anyway. They’re all Samurai, born and bred and bled. They have each had their own struggles with becoming Samurai, but there was never any doubt that they would. The moment that they step into a room with members of the various clans, there is never a question that they belong there. That they have earned their roles as heroes.

And yet Antonio, who bled just as much as they did, who fought and clawed his way to becoming a Ranger, is left in the dust, looked down upon because he didn’t learn how to do things the traditional way that everyone else expects.)

Jayden’s never stood up to an authority figure once in his life. Antonio knows this. He knows now that Jayden considers himself so expendable because he was never the one with the Sealing Symbol, the true red ranger, only ever the echo and not the answer.

Antonio has always been the one who stood up for Jayden, and that’s fine.

So Antonio grits his teeth when he overhears the comments, shoves his unease down, and focuses on the things that actually do matter. Not the clans, not what people think about him, but about what he has here in the Shiba household.

Antonio knows what he’s worth. He always has. It’s everyone else that didn’t understand what he was worth.

And thus he had to prove himself, to shine even brighter, but it’s worth it. It’s always been worth it, to be a Samurai Ranger, to finally be with Jayden, ever since that kiss in the middle of rescuing Jayden from Deker, when Jayden had surged forward and they’d kissed, faces covered in grime, fingers grasping tight to each other, before Jayden collapsed, still recovering from the poisoning.

It’s been worth it, to figure out their relationship, to know that neither of them will ever be alone again.

But god, that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t scrape him raw, sometimes.

---

Antonio knows that intimacy with Jayden is a hard-won thing.

Absolute devotion and a lifetime of pining and a kiss, messy and bloody and made when they weren't sure if they were going to survive, does not an easy relationship make.

Strangely enough, it's not the hesitation with intimacy, Jayden's slow approach to kissing and touching, that’s the issue.

After a lifetime of barreling so hard through the atmosphere that it’s a miracle they didn’t burn up upon impact, it's almost a relief to go slow when it comes to intimacy. To fall asleep together, just cuddling, just enjoying the solid warm line of each other’s bodies, kissing slowly as they figure out what works for them.

It's everything outside of the kissing that can get complicated.

Jayden certainly doesn’t know how to be human. He spent a lifetime as a decoy. As a backup. Never allowed to develop feelings or desires of his own, if they didn't align with the Code.

(The things that it does to Antonio's heart, to know that the only deviation Jayden ever made from the Code was to fall for him. To be his friend, to give him the Zord, to kiss him after Deker, hot and hard and blistering and starving. 

Antonio Garcia is Jayden Shiba's one exception, and that is a privilege he wears proudly.)

So learning how to find Jayden's own hobbies, his own wants, his own voice- that's the challenge.

But Antonio is more than happy to take it up.

For so long, the only time that they stepped foot outside of the Shiba compound was when they had a Nighlok to fight or new team members to collect.

(The others told Antonio, once, about that goddamn horse. For so long Antonio had fought to perform a goddamn miracle and reprogram that Zord, to get back to Jayden and be the knight to Jayden’s prince, to make childhood fairytale oaths come true, and in the end, Jayden had been the knight on the noble steed for everyone else save Antonio himself.)

Jayden deserves to get out, to explore the world, to see all of the parts that he was denied in favor of the training that was all-consuming.

And there's only one place to begin, isn't there?

So Antonio takes Jayden fishing. 

And Jayden sucks at it. You'd think, for a guy who grew up on meditation, that he’d be good at people watching and being quiet while waiting for the fish, but it turns out that Jayden has a lot of thoughts that he is learning to voice out loud. 

Jayden likes to people watch, it turns out, likes to learn as much as he can about the people who live on the island his family has been the crowning jewel of for so long, and Antonio drinks up every word and observation from Jayden Shiba, whether it be about clothing or people or fish or- most adorably- the moment where he gets excited when they see sea turtles being born and struggling across the beach to the ocean and Jayden insists on abandoning any pretense at fishing to help them instead. He marvels in every petal that unfurls under the sun.

Every moment is like this: a goddam revelation of the sort that they never could have had as kids, or during the war with the Nighloks.

Every moment of joy. Of exploration. 

Of laughter.

They make each other laugh, playing chess and joking around and playing with their zords- with the war over, they don’t have to worry about fighting, but can play with the clawzord and the lionzord and the octozord like the creatures they are instead of having to worry about them going into megazord mode.

Antonio has always loved every aspect of Jayden- his intelligence, his competitiveness, his curiosity, his worth ethic (as damning as it could be), his laugh, unlocked by the team, by their friends, who taught him a bit about learning how to have fun in the limited chances that they got at it.

And Antonio gets to experience that in all forms and contexts, now, chess and zords and fishing and people watching and sparring.

Oh hell yes, sparring.

Nowadays, sparring is about tension between them, and not the end of the world. The way the body knows a body, and continues to know it after fifteen years apart and all that.

And so many days, they don't even spar for as long as they'd planned, because they end up kissing up against the walls of the dojo in the sort of way that five-year-old Antonio wouldn’t have thought of, but that fifteen-year-old Antonio, training in the gym at school, training at the pier, training everywhere he could because he was going to make anything work if it meant getting to be a Samurai like everyone else, if it meant getting to be a Samurai like Jayden, for Jayden, could have only dreamed of, Jayden's fingers in his hair, his fingers in Jayden's shirt-

And now Antonio gets to kiss Jayden. He gets to have the joy of Jayden’s first fumbling attempts at kissing.

Or, to be more accurate, his fumbling enthusiasm. The ecstasy of Jayden Shiba, figuring out what desire is, what want is, and focusing all of that want on Antonio.

And since they’re going slow, figuring things out, they get to try everything at every step. Every angle you could possibly kiss, every circumstance that you could possibly capture someone's mouth in yours, every reason that could possibly tempt a kiss from someone else.

Antonio has the absolute delight of getting used to the fact that instead of Jayden just staring at Antonio with the dopiest of smiles on his face whenever Antonio laughs, Jayden is more than happy to lean in and press his mouth to Antonio's.

Jayden almost seems to surprise himself, sometimes, with the level of excitement in his veins, with the number of times chess games and fishing and sparring and even just reading or watching tv devolves into Jayden leaning forward and kissing Antonio, just because he can.

“We missed so many years together,” Jayden says, voice hushes, one night when they’re curled up in bed and Antonio is playing with Jayden’s fingers between their bodies.

At night, Jayden is figuring out how to voice his own opinions more and more, letting Antonio in on the thoughts that Jayden never let himself have before, when someone had to be the Red Ranger, someone had to step in and be the anchor that that Samurai tied themselves to, the foundation that the entire team was built on, and Jayden had to be perfect to make up for the fact that he was never supposed to be the leader that they all set their faith in.

(God, does Antonio hate the Samurai Code for that. For the fact that Jayden spent fifteen years underneath of the weight of the sky, Atlas breaking his back for the sake of everyone else, and he spent that entire time thinking that there was something wrong with him for it. That he was never going to live up to other people’s expectations, because he hadn’t been the right fit from the start.

Antonio is going to spend his entire life showing Jayden exactly how brilliantly he shines, fuck everyone else.)

“I just…I like the fact that I get to kiss you whenever. That we can just be whenever. You- you make me happy, Antonio, and so does kissing you.”

Jayden leans in to steal a soft kiss from Antonio’s mouth, Antonio can’t help but smile at that. At the fact that he makes Jayden likes him as much as he likes Jayden, and is so unashamed of letting him know it, now that the Nighloks are gone and Jayden can just be.

And most of all-

It’s not just Antonio who is the one planning dates, taking Jayden out fishing, figuring out ways to be romantic.

Because Jayden Shiba.

God, Jayden Shiba.

It turns out that Jayden Shiba can be quite the romantic beyond just insisting on giving Antonio flowers- wildflowers that he picks up on their walks, and Antonio treasures each and every petal.

Because one day, Jayden insists on giving Antonio a surprise. On taking him down the gravel path outside of the Shiba compound and covering his eyes like they’re kids playing with a piñata, and god, Antonio will admit that he loves it.

Antonio is more than happy to indulge in the romantic side of Jayden. The sillier side. The side of him that is getting to rediscover the fun of having a childlike sense of enjoyment in the small things, the little surprises, that everyone else figured out for themselves ages ago.

“Ready?” Jayden asks.

And it’s not even a beat of hesitation for Antonio as he says, “Of course.”

Because when it comes to Jayden Shiba, Antonio Garcia is now, always has been, and always will be ready for anything. That is the nature of the universe; he loves Jayden, and will never stop, and will follow him to the ends of the goddamn world, if it means he gets to do the travelling in Jayden’s presence.

And so it is with excitement in Antonio’s heart that Jayden’s hands drop, revealing-

A house?

Antonio’s brow furrows. He’s not sure why Jayden would be showing him a cottage, right at the place where the island begins to fade from forest to beach. From a glance, it seems to only be one bedroom, but with a fully outfitted kitchen and a queen-sized bed and tatami mats in the entry area and-

Antonio whips around to look at Jayden. “That’s a fishing rack. Perfect for my gear. Is this-”

Antonio doesn’t want to ask Jayden if this is a place for the two of them, because of course it’s not. Jayden has the entire Shiba compound to himself, and he stayed here on the island for a reason, because it’s the only place that he’s ever considered home. The only place he’s ever felt comfortable. He wouldn’t be moving into a new place if he had the option.

So why is he giving Antonio a house?

“For me?” Antonio asks, and he hopes his voice doesn’t break.

He doesn’t want to live separately from Jayden. He has spent years making his way back to Jayden, and he has been happy to spend as much time as possible with Jayden since then. Other than the time that they each spend meditating, or fishing when Jayden needs a moment alone, or when Jayden goes to his meetings that he has to, as the heir to the Shiba name, Antonio has loved getting to spend as much time together as they can.

Antonio can’t imagine going back to sleeping alone, dreaming of what it might be like to touch Jayden. To feel Jayden against him, to hold him close, to be able to kiss Jayden’s temple whenever he wishes-

But Antonio’s hesitation must not be showing through, because Jayden’s smile doesn’t falter. He gestures above the doorsill of the cottage, where a name is inked into the scrolls above the door in kanji that when Antonio squints, is all too familiar.

A name- one of the only two that Antonio knows how to write in kanji.

“Garcia,” Antonio breathes, but it comes out as more of a question than a statement.

Jayden nods proudly. “I’m giving you this house because Garcia is now an official house in the Samurai scrolls.”

Antonio’s heart shudders inside of his chest.

Antonio has spent so many years being far too well aware of how important family names are to the Samurai clans. How much his own meant that he couldn’t measure up to them and their expectations. Everyone, from Ji to Kevin to the Samurai clan members he’s met in Panorama City, have made that clear to him.

(How much it irked each and every one of the clan members that the son of a fisherman became the Sixth Samurai Ranger after centuries of attempts had never allowed more than one Ranger from each of their families at a time.

Most of their comments come from a place of jealousy, Antonio has to remind himself, and most days, he succeeds.)

“You made the house yourself,” Jayden says, “I'm just using my name to make it official. The house itself- it’s for you, if you ever need a place to go on your own.”

And god, this boy. This prince. His prince, who thinks Antonio’s name is honorable and worthy enough to be raised to lord, who was the very one to knight him and raise him up to a Samurai, who has given him a home-

Antonio tackles Jayden with a kiss for that one. They end up falling over onto the grass, but Antonio cradles Jayden’s head even as he dives into Jayden’s mouth, licking up his laughter, and god, it’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect.

---

Except-

The clans are not happy about that one. 

The whispers only grow louder and louder, moving from snide comments to outright spite, the sort of hatred that lingers and seeps through one’s veins like poison until you can’t find an antidote, no matter how hard you search.

While Panorama City is of a decent size, the island is small, mostly populated by the clans, their staff, and local workers who know each other far too well.

Antonio is heading home from getting some fishing in and overhears people talking at the cafe.

That often happens. Social life on the island is a surprisingly busy thing, for such a small group of people- maybe it’s the fact that half of them are living off of the sort of family fortunes that Antonio couldn’t dream of earning in several lifetimes that allows them the time to hire staff and have the sort of leisure and social group that necessitates gossip circles and time out together.

“I have no idea why he’s lingering around when he’s no longer useful,” Antonio hears one of the two people sitting outside of the cafe say, and at first, he thinks it’s nothing unusual, just a bit of gossip. From what he can tell, it’s Mia’s uncle and Mike’s aunt, both of them second to their siblings in terms of becoming Rangers and sitting on the main council- of which Jayden is currently attending a meeting of- but still plenty involved in life on the island. “No one keeps the help around, and especially no one gives them a house for…playing their job.”

Antonio freezes, because there isn’t exactly a lot of house-giving happening on an island as stagnant and stuck in systems put in place a long, long time ago.

There is only one person they could be talking about. Only one person that they have been talking about, for all of this time.

“I wouldn’t disparage Heir Shiba’s name,” Mia’s aunt says, and Antonio remembers when they used to call Jayden Lord Shiba, before Lauren returned and changed up everything. “But it is unfortunate that he has such an attachment to such a…commoner.”

“It does run in the family,” Mike’s uncle says. “But Lord Shiba- blessed be his name- at least had the common sense to marry the woman and birth two heirs to his name and mantle as the Red Samurai Ranger. The Heir shouldn’t just keep around a pretty face, no matter how much…pleasure he receives. His practical use has ended. What can this boy do, other than leech off of a cause that has finally been buried?”

Yeah, sure, Antonio can’t have biological kids with Jayden. But that shouldn’t mean anything, not when he was instrumental in saving the world, in making sure that the Sealing Symbol could be used and banish Xandred forever.

And yet-

Antonio can't breathe.

Antonio needs to get home. He needs to get back to the Shiba household, where he was planning on frying up some of the fish in his cooler that he caught today, because he and Jayden and even Ji all like his fry-ups, because he’s a member of the household, because he likes to cook, not because-

Antonio swallows hard as he starts walking again, passing right by the cafe because there’s no other way to get back to the Shiba house. 

He can feel their disdainful glances on him as he passes.

The help. Leech. Pleasure.

God, they think that-

They think that the only reason why Jayden keeps him around is-

Antonio’s fingers grip the morpher tight in his pocket. The morpher that he made. The morpher that he crafted out of love and devotion and grit and shrapnel of an oath that has burned at the core of him since he was five years old, too young to understand how a brand works.

(The morpher that Mentor Ji took from him, because he didn’t think that Antonio belonged, didn’t think that he had the blood in his veins and the traditional training that would make him worthy of being a Samurai, and Antonio had proven him wrong eventually, but Antonio has already helped save the goddamn world over and over again and yet these people still look down on him as if he’s nothing more than the fucking help that was brought in to take care of the Rangers’ messes, as if he isn’t a fucking Ranger himself.)

Jayden is his.

He is Jayden’s. 

That is the mantra. That is what he has lived for for so long.

And now, it’s truer than ever, now that he and Jayden are finally, officially in a relationship, learning the sort of things about each other that are left to live, making up for all of those years they spent separate, training in their own ways, alone in their own ways.

Now, they both don’t have to be alone anymore. Now, they can finally figure out what it’s like not just to spar and fight in tandem, but also to love in tandem.

And that is what makes this true. That is what makes more than anything that an outsider could think of it as.

Antonio did this for love. He did this for an oath. He did this because he burned too bright to do anything else.

He did not do this because he was chasing after glory or gold or-

He is the Gold Ranger, and that is all that gold that should matter.

But the morpher doesn't mean much when the Nighlok are finally gone.

---

This island is supposed to be the place where Antonio Garcia spends the rest of his life. The place that he was always coming back to. The North Star on the horizon that guided him home.

Well, now he’s here, and he’s found home between Jayden Shiba’s ribs, just as he always said he would, but the idea of forever here, with everyone else here, with everyone’s expectations, with the pressure of Atlas’ sky upon his shoulders-

How is Antonio going to keep up shining when the war is over and yet no one is willing to acknowledge that he fought in it? That he broke his own bones, ran himself into danger when no one else would, that he did it all because when he was five-years-old, he swore an oath to the boy that he would follow to the ends of the earth?

---

Antonio Garcia once swore to himself that he would never let anyone dull his gleam. That he would burn as bright and as hard as he had to, if it meant figuring out how to make the Zord work, if it meant figuring out how to become a Samurai Ranger, because he swore an oath to the only prince he’d ever believed in that he would not have to fight a war on his own.

What happens when the war is over, though?

What happens when the battle is won?

Antonio doesn’t know how to surrender. 

---

The Samurai clans don’t exactly do parties- more pity, that. Antonio will take any excuse to dress up and let his golden light shine.

But they do have the occasional, once a year, formal dance, in addition to the anniversary of the original sealing away of Lord Zandred- a new year’s celebration, of sorts.

While the kids around the island get to play and celebrate with lanterns and fireworks and the like, the highest ranking members of the clans have to gather together to dance and speak of the year’s events and judge each other for their manners and their lack of decorum and any failure to uphold the precious lines of the Code.

Antonio would usually like this sort of thing, the celebration, but he would much rather be out there with the kids and the paper lanterns and the fireworks, rather than trapped in here with this stiff kimono and all of these eyes on him, jealous of him, judging him, hating him for the crime of being in love and being loved in return.

Antonio knows he's a bit stiff, even when he flashes his most charming of smiles, and he can tell because Jayden is giving him strange looks- almost looking like ones out of concern.

And Antonio doesn't need that. Neither of them do.

Antonio can do this. He can be the sort of Gold Ranger that can present as Lord Garcia- a title that still sits strange on his shoulders, because he’s never been lord of anything. He’s always been the scrappy upstart, the charming underdog, the guard dog with blood under his nails and sweat staining his skin as he fights and fights and fights to prove himself to people who will never understand him and what he's been through and where he's come from.

He can wear a black and gold kimono, showing that he belongs here. He can speak with manners and bow properly and not be the bumbling fool that they all expect of him.

He can be the partner for the lead dance of the evening, which Jayden is leading as the representative of House Shiba, the head of the clans. When Lauren gets back, she’ll be the one leading dances and meetings and the like, but for now, it’s Jayden, and Antonio will be damned if he isn’t the best partner that Jayden could possibly show off.

He can prove to these stuffy fools that they were wrong to judge him, that he can be the sort of Samurai that none of them see him as, able to follow tradition as much as innovation.

And while he does so, he can take in Jayden, who looks breathtaking in red and black, like the proper heir to the Shiba name that he has always been.

Lauren is true red. She is Lady Shiba and she will do great things with it.

But Jayden has always been Antonio’s prince long before Lauren re-entered the picture, and as much as Antonio respects her, as much as he loves her, as much as he is more than happy to have her as an in-law one day (possibly) (maybe) (god, Antonio wishes, but he can’t let himself think about whether or not the clans will ever let Jayden bring Antonio into the Shiba clan- if Jayden even wants to marry Antonio, why would he make Antonio’s house official if he wanted Antonio to marry him, and Antonio can’t let himself think about that, can’t let himself think about past this moment, where he is Lord Garcia because Jayden made it so, and that’s all that matters, that Jayden loves and respects him, and that’s it), Antonio will always be Jayden’s first, more than any other Ranger.

And so he gets to take in the sight of Jayden here, dancing in formalwear, and the way that Jayden’s hand feels against his back in public, in the sort of way that Antonio once only got to dream of but finally is real, and here, and his.

And for a moment, it almost feels normal, him and Jayden, getting to dance together like a normal couple without any weight on their shoulders.

If there is one thing that rights Antonio’s world every time, it’s seeing the way that Jayden is looking at him, gaze soft, that small, tucked-away smile adoring in the sort of way that only Jayden Shiba is capable of.

They are the poles of each other’s worlds. The center of each other's universes.

For a moment, Antonio almost feels like a dual sun in orbit with another sun, rather than a lowly moon in orbit, because they are true partners as they spin around the dance floor.

But in one horrible moment, his gaze catches on the assembled clans over Jayden’s shoulder, and he can feel the looks and the whispers of those in the room, the very same people who have been judging him for months and even years now.

Because that’s the problem, isn’t it? No matter how much he plays the part of a lord, Antonio’s not the Gold Ranger anymore. He’s the former Gold Ranger who was handed a title by his boyfriend, and he earned it, more than earned it, he earned it through devotion and blood-stained nails and love, but no one here sees that.

And no one would believe Antonio if he tried to speak in his own defense.

No one would believe the little boy cradled the Octo Zord at night long before he was able to figure out how to make it work with a morpher, because Antonio missed Jayden and missed the island and he slept with a Zord because that was his reminder that one day, if he worked hard enough, he could get back to them.

The song changes and several other couples join him and Jayden on the dance floor, and as Jayden goes to switch partners- leaving Antonio to move into dancing with a lady in Mori yellow- Antonio does something for the first time in his life.

He takes the coward’s way out.

As the song changes, Antonio ditches, running out of the room, carefully avoiding bumping into anyone.

He needs the gardens. He needs his Morpher, and he needs his Zord, and he needs to fish, and he needs, more than anything, to breathe and not think about the fact that he is still not enough.

Because this isn’t something he can fight. This isn’t something that he can wage war against.

The war is over, and Antonio is left fighting a battle he was never trained for. A battle he couldn’t train himself for.

Manners, politics, tradition- that’s all something that has to be taught, and god, Antonio could do the research. He has done the research.

But it doesn’t matter, because he was not born with Samurai blood in his veins and thus failed the test before he even got the paper.

He is never going to be able to prove himself to them, because they're running off of a completely different rubric than he is. They are looking for something that he can never be, because they want blue blood instead of red, they want porcelain instead of clay, they want wealth that runs fifty generations deep and Antonio is the proud son of a fisherman, a fisherman himself, and that's never going to change.

Antonio finds himself sitting on the bench, staring out at the koi pond. Jayden is inside, and Antonio is failing him, because Antonio is supposed to be in there, charming people, being the partner that Jayden expects, the partner that Jayden deserves.

But Antonio has been shredding at the seams for so long. He has been picked apart, over and over again, by every asinine assumption, by every whispered word.

And he doesn’t know what to do anymore. He doesn’t know how to be anymore.

“Lovely night out tonight,” comes the only voice that Antonio wants to hear, and in an instant, Antonio is up on his feet, turning to look at Jayden.

And god, seeing Jayden in the moonlight, the silver moonlight falling across his hair like a crown, it’s hard for his shoulders not to relax seeing the prince of his childhood dreams, his best friend, because Jayden left the dance and came out here for him.

“You left the banquet,” Antonio says.

Jayden shrugs. “I don’t do well with large gatherings,” Jayden admits.

And Antonio can’t help but smile fondly, despite the tightness in his chest, because at least Jayden is self-aware. 

Jayden’s charm is the sort of thing that seems to only be effective on Antonio himself, on the heart of a boy who loves him with everything he has. Other people don’t seem to understand Jayden, his silences, his bright smiles and his deep melancholies, his fragmented sense of self slowly being put back together.

Antonio does, though. He understands Jayden like few others do, especially with all the other rangers gone. He understands a little boy who said goodbye to his only friend because that’s what he was supposed to do, he was supposed to be a warrior, he was supposed to be a decoy, he was supposed to be the sort of Red Ranger that people could believe in.

“It seems as if things are going better with the Council,” Jayden says, "You're the brightest person they've ever met," and his smile is an encouraging thing despite the fact that he’s putting his wooden sandals into a load of shit without realizing it.

And something shatters. Something breaks, the glass finally having gotten too hot after too long boiling and thus cracking and falling over everything.

“You could say that.” Antonio laughs, and it tastes bitter in his mouth. “I'm being called your whore and we don’t even have sex, Jay.”

Jayden freezes.

And Antonio freezes, too, because he hadn’t meant to say it until he did. He didn’t even realize he was thinking it until the words slipped unbidden from his mouth.

But here they are, right in front of them, landing heavy right between them like a feather does not.

And in a moment, the world goes still.

“What?” Jayden breathes.

Antonio's fingers tap against the morpher still sitting in his pocket, dead weight unless they decided to summon their zords.

Their zords, because Jayden gave him the zord all of those years ago, because a sun needed a moon, because a prince needed a knight, even if he didn’t realize it, even if he didn’t say it.

Antonio doesn’t look Jayden in the eyes as he swallows back some of the grit in his throat and says, “They think I'm with you because I'm a gold digger.” Something wet tears at his throat as he lets out a small, wet laugh and he says, “The Gold Ranger digging for gold, can you imagine? All those years training, and fighting, and fucking clawing my way back to you, and this is where we end up, with people thinking that I- that I’m-”

Antonio can’t complete the sentence, because he’s never-

He’s never thought-

When Antonio was training himself, and fighting to make his morpher work, he hadn’t even begun to think about what the Samurai clans would think of him. All that mattered was Jayden, and proving himself, and coming back to protect Jayden. To fulfill the oath that Antonio made when he was too much heart in too little body.

The clans don’t know that the only thing that he ever wanted was to be a samurai, a knight, not for the glory, not for the gold, not for the honor, but because the language that Jayden knew was war and if this is what it took for Antonio to love Jayden Shiba, then he would learn to speak in the syllables of battle and barracuda blades and the way that little boy’s spines bend because if they don’t, they will break completely.

All anyone else sees is the fact that he knelt. That he knelt to the main ranger, Lord Shiba, and placed himself on his knees beneath his prince, and they seem to think that was the only reason why Jayden kept him around. To be beneath him, in the bed, in their home, in the island’s precious, rigid hierarchy.

The fisher’s boy, reaching above his station.

The help.

Jayden’s whore. His mistress. Everything but his partner.

There is something viscous in Antonio’s veins, threatening to drown the light that he has done absolutely everything to keep lit for all of these years. 

Because for the first time in Antonio Garcia's life, there is nothing that he can do to fix this. There is nothing that he can do to make this all fit together. There are no gadgets to fidget, no symbol power to claw into with aching fingernails, no battle to be won with tools that he can access.

There is just this. 

There is just him, and the words and judgement seeping into his skull, isolating him, making him alone for the first time since he found Jayden again and managed to convince the team to let him join-

But in an instant, so much of that dissolves away as Jayden steps forward.

"You are a miracle,” Jayden says, “The brightest thing that I have ever known. No one else has ever done more of the impossible than you have. And they are all so very wrong for making you think that you were anything but everything to me.”

There is something that hitches in Antonio’s chest.

The way that Jayden speaks has always been certain. Has always been filled with the most faith in the world, even in his moments of doubt, even when Lauren showed back up and Jayden thought that he had lost everything- the team, his status as a Ranger, his ability to be a leader.

And the way that he speaks right now is no different.

All of these reassurances that Antonio has had such a hard time clinging to lately- Jayden speaks them as if they are facts of the universe, unable to be swayed.

“I can't-” Antonio swallows. “I have been trying so hard for so long, Jay. And I know that you've been fighting for just as long as I have, and it's stupid, that I'm upset about what some old farts have to say-”

Jayden reaches forward and takes Antonio's hand in his and kisses his knuckles, as gently as if they were still fighting a battle and he had bruised his hand.

Right now, the only thing that is bruised is Antonio’s heart, but to Jayden, that is just as important. Just as precious.

“It's not stupid,” Jayden says, voice soft. “I just wish- I just you could have come and talked to me about it. I am sorry that you had to suffer on your own.” There is a certain earnestness to his voice, a certain plea, that has to be listened to as he says, “It is- it is my fault, for not paying attention.”

It is instinct to protest. “You had enough on your plate, filling in as Lord Shiba-”

Jayden is always hesitant about physical affection. Getting to hold his hand was a triumph. Getting to kiss him was a victory.

So him reaching forward and cupping Antonio's cheeks in his hands is a massive move, and quite the unexpected one as he tilts Antonio’s head up to look at him.

“You are my priority, Antonio,” Jayden says, and Antonio knows a thing or two about oaths. He knows a thing or two about vows. And he can feel the weight to Jayden’s words as he says, “You always have been. I wasn’t always good at showing it, but- god, for years, I watched the sea for you, in the moments in between meditation. I stared at the North Star and thought- it’s bright enough to guide someone home, but it’s not him. I wasn’t allowed to hope that you would come back, because you couldn’t come back, but you did. You came back because you are impossible, and beautiful, and- god, I could spend the rest of my life telling you, and it still wouldn’t be enough."

“You are more a true Ranger than I have ever been,” Jayden says, and god, is it strange that it stitches something in Antonio's chest to be reminded of the fact that Jayden is as broken and lonely and full of doubt as he is? “You earned it. I was only ever the echo.”

Antonio jumps to defend Jayden, as he always has. “You trained for fifteen years and fought a war, you more than earned your place as a Ranger-”

“But no one here will ever see me as anything other than Lauren’s replacement,” Jayden says, “Because they’re not wrong. I spent my entire life training for that specific role. To be the decoy, the spare, the shadow. But you, Antonio- you became what no one here could ever conceive of. You broke every law that has ever existed and carved your name into the history books forever. Your legacy will burn as bright as you do. And I know I don’t always do a good job of letting you know, but you are what matters to me. You are my North Star.”

Antonio’s jaw drops as Jayden lets go of his cheeks and sinks to one knee in front of him.

A prince doesn’t kneel before his knight.

And yet, Jayden is the one on one knee, neck bowed in absolute respect, the most that someone can show here on the island without fully prostrating themselves.

Antonio goes to shift down to his own knees, to get them on an equal level, but Jayden looks up at him with nothing but absolute adoration.

“I’d been planning this for awhile, but I think it’d be right to ask right now,” Jayden says, incredibly formal and yet hopelessly endearing in the way that only he can be, the sort of thing that had Antonio falling in love with him from the start, when they were five-years-old and he was already an old man in a kid’s body, a Red Ranger and Lord Shiba to the core. “I know I can be awkward, and hesitant when it comes to intimacy, and stiff, and-"

“And I love you for all of that,” Antonio can’t help but jump in and say, because he’s made his entire life defending Jayden and he’s not about to stop now.

Jayden’s smile, impossibly, warms even further, nearly melting before he says, “But when I’m with you, I forget about all of that, because you are the best thing that’s happened to me. My North Star. And I want to spend the rest of my life getting to wake up to your sun.”

But then Jayden’s next words stop Antonio’s heart:

“Would you do me the honor of making me Mr. Garcia and allowing me to be a part of your legacy?”

There is something crackling inside of Antonio’s chest like the fireworks that are going to go off over their heads any minute now.

“You- you’re giving up the Shiba name?”

Jayden smirks. “Lauren can carry on the Shiba name, if she'd like. And even if she doesn't, if she wants to burn it all down- then good. The only name I've ever needed is yours-”

But Jayden doesn’t get to finish his speech, because Antonio is busy pulling Jayden up into a kiss, because he wants to taste Jayden’s mouth, he wants Jayden to know that there is nothing in this world that could compare to Jayden Shiba giving up his name for Antonio’s because they are partners, they are equals, and they are not soldiers anymore, not the clans’, not the Code’s- they are just each other’s.

And when they finally pull back to breathe, it is Jayden- Jayden Shiba, the lonely boy who once sent Antonio away because it wouldn’t be proper for the Shiba heir to have a non-Samurai friend- who says, breathelessly, through giggles, “Want to ditch this place to go home?”

“Absolutely,” Antonio says, and he thinks that his face might start to hurt soon, from the fact that he can’t stop smiling, from the fact that he can’t believe that he has this, he has Jayden, he has Jayden sliding a ring on his finger.

So they ditch the whole shebang, the clans and the gossip and the formal dances, to head to Antonio’s house- their house- running down the lantern path hand in hand, giggling as they play hooky like the boys that they never got to be.

And the place is smaller than the Shiba house, of course.

But Antonio doesn’t need all that space, all of those rooms, not when he has Jayden, not when he’s at least moved a few things here over the past few weeks to make it feel homey.

Sure, the floors have tatami mats- that has become like home to him over the past couple of years, fighting and training and living in that house- but there are softer things in here, too. A cushioned recliner with a small blanket that his late mother knitted thrown over the back. A series of framed photos- him and his father, and him and the team, and him and Jayden. A rack for his fishing gear and a grill for the fish.

But none of that is what matters.

What matters is the ring against his finger as the fireworks go off above the island and he and Jayden topple into bed kissing, Jayden’s fingers finally sneaking beneath Antonio’s kimono belt and peeling back the top layer to sneak underneath, warm against his skin.

And the way that Jayden smiles against his mouth, because forever means as much to Jayden as it does to Antonio, because at the end of the day, a prince would as much to like to set down his crown as a knight wants to set down his sword.

---

They don’t round all the bases that night.

But they have forever to learn each other’s bodies, not just on the sparring field, but in their own bedroom.

Because it’s been fifteen years since Antonio first fell in love with the lonely little boy with the stars in his eyes, but all of these years later, he’s still as in love with Jayden Shiba- who will one day be Jayden Garcia, not the clans’, all Antonio’s- as he was back then.

And Jayden Shiba is just as in love with him.

---

Once upon a time, a lonely little prince trapped in a tower fell in love with his knight, long before either of them wore armor.

Once upon a time, Jayden Shiba met Antonio Garcia, and he vowed to spend the rest of his life loving him.

And that’s all that really matters in the end, isn’t it?

---

Antonio Garcia has never believed in god. Never believed in anything in the sort of way that he believes in Jayden Shiba, in the way that he burns across every memory, in the way that he will keep burning until the world ends and the world falls beneath the river.

Even there, Jayden will be there.

And at the next day’s council meeting, in front of Antonio, in front of the clans, Jayden Shiba proudly lets them know exactly how and who he's planning on spending his legacy with.

“When my sister returns to the island,” Jayden announces, “She will be able to declare a new heir.”

There are shocked gasps around. “What are you telling us, Heir Shiba?” a man demands- Kevin’s father, if Antonio is not wrong, the former blue ranger.

Jayden is smiling from ear to ear, proud as can be, as he finally burns hot and high enough for everyone else to see. “I’m getting married, Lord Fujisaka. And I’m proudly entering into my husband’s house.”

It is the sort of thing that little Jayden Shiba, all of those years ago, could never have dreamed of, Antonio knows. Little Jayden Shiba was supposed to marry a woman, and provide his sister with spares in case something happened so that she couldn’t have heirs of her own outside of her brother.

But now, Jayden is saying fuck you to every code that ever held them back, that separated them, and god, Jayden has never been more beautiful.

This is Antonio’s first meeting he’s properly attended- and he doesn’t have to dress in a kimono, or a tux, or anything else to prove that he is worthy of the title that he holds, and Antonio is more than happy to wave a hand, to show off the ring on his finger. He knows that these people don’t consider him good enough to marry into the Shiba line. That they consider him nothing more than a mistress, a gold digger, the help.

But Antonio Garcia has always been more than that, and Jayden has seen that. He sees Antonio’s last name not as a chain, something to look down on, but rather a crown to set upon his own head, a rope to pull him out of the tower that he has been kept in for so long. “Antonio Garcia,” Antonio says, “Proud Gold Samurai Ranger.”

There are glowers and glares, but Antonio pays them no matter, because at the end of the day, this is the one thing that none of these council members and clan elders can take from him. Antonio Garcia was a Samurai Ranger. No, he is a Samurai Rangers, because rangers are forever. Once a ranger, always a ranger, and all that, and the bonds of Rangerhood are stronger than any Code could ever be.

“Now, as for the code,” Jayden says, “My sister is the one who will have to make the official signature on certain things, but in her absence, she has authorized me to make plenty of decisions on her behalf. And on said behalf, in my last acts as a representative of the Shiba house, I would like to begin with a dismantling of the Samurai Code."

There are protests, of course, but they will inevitably fail, because the weight of the Shiba name is a heady one, crushing every other family name in its path, and there are no Shibas save Jayden and Lauren.

And Jayden is showing them just how much that name means to him.

Jayden is destroying his own honor. His own foundations. He is burning the world down that he once dedicated his entire life to.

If Antonio is willing to burn himself to the ground for Jayden, Jayden is willing to burn down the world for Antonio.

Because this is what they are, at the end of the day: not the sun and the moon, not a reflection of a deathly glare, but rather two dual suns, forever locked in each other's orbits, forever tied together in golden light.

---

A couple of weeks later, Jayden and Antonio come back in from fishing (and taking a swim- Kevin isn’t the only one that can have fun at the beach, and Antonio is taking advantage of every moment possible to see his fiance in swim trunks, taking in the way that now that sparring for fun is the only real form of exercise they are getting up to, Jayden's abs are slowly softening into pudge and the sort of softness that shows that he is able to balance life now, that he is able to have a body to himself that Antonio can make very clear he loves every step of, kissing Jayden's softer stomach with as much tenderness and worship as Jayden has always kissed Antonio's fisherman's callouses with) and they're too busy discussing the kids on the beach who had made a sandcastle that would have knocked Kevin's socks off to notice the strangers- or, rather, not so strangers- standing in the kitchen as they open the door to the Shiba house.

“So,” a familiar voice says, “I hear that Lauren’s going to be the only Shiba, soon enough.”

Antonio whips around to see-

Instinct kicks in immediately.

Oh god. He’s gonna have to take a Tums tonight. Mia Watanabe’s in the kitchen.

But then the second instinct rushes in- god, he's missed his friends so much, as much as he's loved spending time with Jayden, he's missed all of their teammates something fierce, because by his own dedication to his mission, Antonio was as lonely a child as Jayden was and these are the first true friends that Antonio has ever had- and Antonio’s taking off towards the kitchen to wrap Mia in a hug.

Mia’s laughter rings out like a song as Antonio picks her up and spins her around the room. "It's absolutely golden to see you back!" Antonio crows.

"It is rather lovely to see you two as well,” Lauren says as Antonio sets Mia down, turning to see Lauren leaning against the doorframe, a small smile on her lips, still wearing her rather trademark combo of a blazer and shorts over leggings, but this time with a pink t-shirt beneath that looks awfully familiar in the same way that the gray and white flannel on Jayden's shoulders looks just as familiar, just as devoid of red as what Jayden's been wearing lately. "We really did miss you guys out there."

"But it was really nice, getting to learn about so many different cuisines!" Mia says, absolutely bright, and Antonio genuinely hopes that she did learn out a few new cooking techniques out there- both for her own happiness and the sake of everyone else's tongues. 

God, Antonio knows the look on Mia's face as she looks at Lauren and smiles and says, "And getting to see you relax, Lauren, and come into you own," because he knows what he looks like when he's looking at his own Shiba sibling.

Lauren nods, looking relaxed in the sort of way that Antonio hadn't thought Shiba siblings capable of as she says, “You two deserve a vacation. You should get to see the world." Her eyes sparkle as she winks and says, "Maybe treat it as a honeymoon of sorts."

There hasn't been a formal announcement made to their friends- Jayden and Antonio kind of wanted to tell them all in person- but then again, Antonio guesses that you can't get much more of a formal announcement than what Jayden did to the council and the clans.

Lauren definitely knows what she's saying, with that wink.

“Jayden and I can share the weight of figuring things out around here," Lauren says, "You’ll always have a home here, but- you should get to figure things out, not on the island.” Lauren’s gaze is soft as she smiles at Mia, and Antonio can only bet what happened with her when they were gone. Looks like continuing on the Shiba line might be a bit more interesting than any clan member might expect. “I highly recommend it. Let me be your big sister and take some of the weight of changing the Code around so that no one else has to suffer as we did."

Jayden finally takes his opportunity wraps his sister up in a hug, laughing in her ear, nothing but absolute delight. "God, I missed you so much, sister."

"I missed you as well, brother," Lauren says, and it means the world to Antonio as she flashes that same small but sure smile in Antonio's direction as she says, "But I'm so glad that you have the best of partners to spend your life with."

It's painfully formal, the way that they speak to each other, speaking to how each of them was raised alone, so lonely, more tools than children, but they speak with such fondness, such sincerity, that it's hard not to picture the prince and the princess in the tower, finally descended from their isolation, finally able to put down their swords and just be.

The two reds, right next to each other-

Except neither of them is wearing any red right now.

Lauren's wearing Mia's shirt, and Jayden's wearing Antonio's flannel and most importantly, a golden ring on his finger that matches the one that Antonio is wearing, because both of them are figuring out how to reject or change the Shiba legacy into something that they can live with.

Antonio will love to spend a couple of days reuniting and catching up with Mia and Lauren, but he is looking just as much forward to being able to explore the world with Jayden, and then when they come back, they'll have a cottage of their own to come back to, and friends to reunite with, Mia and Lauren and Emily and Mike and Kevin, all of whom are some of the only people that Antonio wants to send an invitation to, because-

Because god, Antonio just knows that Jayden will look breathtaking in a gold kimono on their wedding day.

Take me to your best friend's house

Go around this roundabout

Oh yeah

Take me to your best friend's house

I loved you then and I love you now

-Grouplove, Tongue Tied