Chapter Text
It was noon on December 30, 1898. Rosina Moore was doing the wash when she felt her first labor pain. She doubled over and gasped sharply. She'd been in near-constant pain over the last nine months, so she didn't think much of it at first. When it passed, she straightened up and took a breath.
That evening, as she was making dinner, she felt a stabbing pain that shot through her entire body. It was as if something had split open inside her. She dropped the wooden spoon she'd been holding and cried out.
Adam Moore, hearing her cries, rushed to her side. "Rose?"
Still doubled over, she breathed, "Get.... get Louise."
Rosina's cries seemed to echo through the house that night. Adam kept turning from his wife to Louise, whose brow was furrowed, deep in concentration. The whole business was so visceral, so raw. His wife was soaked in sweat, sobbing. Not quite sure what else to do, he wiped the sweat from her forehead and smoothed back her damp curls. From time to time, Louise would send him out to get fresh water.
The labor was long and arduous, showing few signs of progression as the night wore on. Rosina turned to her husband. "Adam?" It was barely a whisper. "I don't think I can do this no more."
"C'mon now, Rose. Don't say that."
The sky began to brighten. "I think I see a head," said Louise. "You with me, Rosina?"
"Uh-huh," she said weakly.
"Good. Now start pushin'."
She shook her head. "I can't...."
"You can. You almost there."
Sobbing, she pushed, the muscles in her neck bulging from the effort.
The boy let out a piercing cry as soon as the air hit him. Louise cut the cord, then cleaned the blood and fluid off of him and wrapped him up. "Big and strong, like his daddy," she remarked. "He got some strong lungs, too."
Adam held the baby. He had a fine dusting of dark hair and big dark eyes that seemed to stare into him. What do you want from me, son? He looked up. He could see the sunrise through the windows.
"Can I see him?" asked Rosina.
"Yeah."
He showed her the baby, and she reached out to him and smiled. "Oh, he's beautiful."
But the moment was short-lived, as yet another wave of pain hit her. "I think it's two of 'em!" said Louise.
So it is twins, like everybody said. Rosina continued to strain, but she was growing weaker and weaker. "Yup, there's the head." She looked up. "I need you to push, alright, honey?"
Adam could tell things were taking a turn, and this worried him. "C'mon, baby, stay with me."
"Oh, God...." She tried to push, but nothing was happening.
"I think he's stuck," muttered Louise.
It all happened so fast. Adam could hear the crack of the baby's tiny little bones and his resulting cry- weaker than his brother's, but audible all the same. "Wha- what's goin' on now?" asked Rosina.
He couldn't even begin to explain. "It's- it's alright."
"It hurts so bad," she sobbed.
"Sh, I know."
"Now try and push," instructed Louise.
She was beyond spent, but with Louise's encouragement, she pooled all of her remaining strength into pushing. "One more."
Rosina pushed one last time, crying out. The boy let out a louder cry this time. She collapsed back onto the pillow.
As Louise was cleaning the baby up, Adam turned to his wife. "See? It's over now."
She looked at him, eyes half-lidded. Her vision was starting to blur. "How- how are my babies?"
"They good."
"Both boys?"
"Mm-hm."
"They look exactly the same. See for yourself," said Louise. But when she went back over to Rosina, her demeanor changed. "She's losin' a lotta blood."
"Hey. Hey," said Adam. "Look at me, baby. Look at me."
She smiled weakly. "I love you."
"Love you, too, baby." I can't lose her. "C'mon, keep ya eyes open."
"My- my babies?"
"They alright." But right now, they were the furthest thing from his mind. "Stay with me now."
"You gon' take real good care of 'em. I know it." She shivered a little, and he pulled the blanket up over her. "I'm real tired."
"I know."
"Oh, God, I think we're losin' her...." said Louise.
No, no, no, no, no. Her breathing was beginning to slow. The look in her eyes was vacant now. He was starting to get choked up, and he hadn't cried in years. "Can't you do somethin'?"
"I can't. I'm sorry." Louise placed a hand on his shoulder.
Rosina's breathing grew ragged, and his eyes began to blur with tears. Finally, it stopped altogether, and Louise held her wrist up to check for a pulse. She looked up, her expression somber. "I am.... so sorry, Adam...."
He took one last look at his wife, her eyes fixed to the ceiling, lying in her own blood. The only woman he'd ever loved, dead at only twenty-two. And then he looked to his twin sons, identical bundles wrapped in white, who- although he knew he shouldn't- he was already starting to hate.
The older boy was named Elijah John, the younger Elias Jacob. Elias had a mark on his right ankle that resembled a crescent moon. That was the only way to tell which boy was which. To Adam, it seemed that all they did was demand, demand, demand. Their incessant wailing grated on his nerves. When one twin had finally quieted down, the other would start again and wake his brother up.
Elias irritated him the most. If it wasn't for him getting stuck inside Rosina, she would still be here. Looking at him was just another reminder of that. And on top of that, he had the audacity to be the twin to wake up the most during the night. Late one night, having had enough, he roared into the boy's face, "WHY WON'T YOU SLEEP?"
Louise, on the other hand, seemed to have endless patience for them. The boys quieted almost immediately whenever she held them. When they had gas, or were teething, she knew just what to do to ease their pain. She could pin diapers on them without poking them. And she would rock them, and sing to them, and love them like it was the easiest thing in the world to do.
"They want their mama," she said one evening, both boys asleep in her arms.
Adam scoffed. "Yeah, well.... can't exactly fix that."
"Of course. But sometimes, babies don't need nothin' else, just to be held." She looked up at him. "Maybe hold 'em from time to time, see if that helps."
"Hm," was all he had to say to that.
The boys grew up. They were together all the time, spending their days exploring outside, stopping by Louise's house from time to time. Their father couldn't care less what they got up to.
One morning, when they were six, the twins crept into a barn. Elijah looked around, listened for footsteps. He saw nothing, heard nothing. For now, they would be undisturbed.
The boys jumped into the piles of hay, giggling all the while. But as Elias's feet hit the hay, he heard some rustling. His heart skipped a beat. He stopped to listen. More rustling, then a tiny "mew". A little orange head poked out. The kitten's ears were still rounded at the ends. He pulled it up, and its little feet were wiggling, grasping at nothing. "Where yo' mama at?" he whispered.
He cupped it in both hands. He could feel its tiny claws pressing into his skin, but not hard enough to hurt.
"What you got there?" asked Elijah.
"A kitty!" With a big smile on his face, he presented the kitten to his brother. "Let's take him home!"
"We can't do that! How we gon' feed it?"
"We could go to Mama Louise. I'm sure she's got some milk." Elias pouted a little. "C'mon, please?"
Elijah found the whole thing ridiculous, but it was hard to say no to him. "Worth a try, I guess."
Elias put the kitten in his shirt pocket, and the boys walked down the path to Louise's house. He fiddled with his loose tooth, his right incisor. "Don't play with it," Elijah reminded him. He'd lost his first tooth a month earlier. "It'll come out by itself."
"I don't wanna wait that long," whined Elias. Instead of wiggling it with his finger, he stuck his tongue in the socket between his gum and the tooth. It made a sort of wet clicking sound.
The boys took turns knocking on the door to Louise's house, their little fists hitting the wood so hard it almost hurt. Finally, she answered. "No need to beat my door in, boys." Just then, she saw the kitten's head poking out of Elias's pocket. "Where y'all find that thing at?"
"That barn down the road." Elias pulled it out of his pocket. "You got any milk for him, Mama Louise, ma'am?"
"Oh, Lord," she muttered. The kitten was so small that she already knew this wouldn't end well. But out loud, she said, "I just might. C'mon in."
Louise checked the kitten for fleas and found none. Then she poured it a bowl of fresh milk, which the animal eagerly lapped up, its ears wiggling as it drank. "Y'all eat yet?"
Both boys shook their heads. "Sit down, then. Lemme fix you somethin'."
As Louise began gathering ingredients, she grumbled to herself, "He don't hardly feed them."
She made them soup beans and cornbread. Elias nearly burned his fingers picking up the piping-hot bread, but he didn't care. Louise always made the best food. Her four-year-old daughter Mary ate with them, sauce and crumbs gathering at the side of her mouth. "Can I pet the kitty-cat?" she asked, pointing to the kitten.
"Eat your food, darlin'."
She frowned. "But I wanna pet the kitty!"
"Once you done eatin'."
Finished with their food, Mary and Elias took turns holding and petting the kitten. "Lookit how little he is!" exclaimed Mary.
Elijah sat back at first, watching them. He wasn't as enthralled with the animal as the other two were. And besides, he couldn't help thinking that the little thing would scratch him if he touched it. "Elijah?"
His brother was looking at him, a little smile on his face. "Yeah?"
"You wanna pet him?"
"You keep callin' it 'him'. How you know it's a 'him'?"
Elias shrugged. "He just seem like a 'he'. And Mama Louise say she think he got a ding-a-ling."
"She don't know for real, though." He inched closer to his brother and reached out a shaky hand to the kitten's head. "It ain't gon' scratch me now, is it?"
"He ain't scratch me."
Lightly, he stroked its head. Its fur was soft, and it let out the tiniest mew. It was cute, he had to admit.
The boys stayed at Louise's house that night- Adam was nowhere to be seen. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence these days. He was either out drinking, or whoring, or both.
Elias's tooth finally came out that night as he was eating his dinner. He caught the little white tooth in his hand and marveled at it. It looked so strange outside of his mouth. There was a jagged edge at the top, where it had once been attached. "Hold onto that," instructed Louise. "Keep it someplace safe."
Later that night, as he was sleeping, Elias heard a voice. "Hey. Psst."
He opened his eyes. Mary was standing over him, large brown eyes staring down at him. His heart skipped a beat. "Wha-"
"Good. You're up." She smiled, a big, toothy smile.
He rubbed his eyes and sat up a little. "You scared me. What you doin' up, anyhow?"
"Can't sleep." She knelt down. "I wanna show ya somethin'. C'mon."
"I- alright, then."
He followed her as she led him outside, the grass tickling their bare feet. Finally, they stopped at a sycamore tree, its branches big and thick. "You know how to climb a tree?" she asked.
He nodded. "I do it all the time."
"Then follow me." She grasped onto the trunk and began to pull herself up, and then shimmied her way onto one of the branches. Elias followed close behind, sitting next to her.
He looked down. Their little legs swung over the branch, the cotton fields down below them. "So," began Mary, "do y'all got a mama?"
Elias shook his head. "She dead." Then he turned to Mary. "You got a daddy?"
She nodded. "I do, but... I ain't never seen him before."
"Hm." He wasn't sure what was worse. Then he turned to her. "You come up here a lot?"
"Sometimes." She looked up at the sky. "Look up at the sky."
So he did. It was clear tonight, and the sky was dotted with stars. "Ain't that pretty?" she asked.
"Sure is."
They sat there for a while, not saying anything. Then Elias began to make his way down. "I'm thinkin' we should head back. 'Fore Mama Louise see that we ain't in bed."
She sighed. "Okay, then."
In the early hours of the morning, they were all awoken to thunderous knocking at the door. Rubbing her eyes, Louise got up to answer it. And it was Adam, his eyes rimmed with red, reeking of corn liquor. "What you doin' here at this hour? You'll wake the kids."
"Where the boys at?"
At the sound of his voice, both boys could feel their hearts stop. Elias was starting to shake a little, and Elijah put his arm around him. "They sleepin' right now. Now go home, sober up, and come back in the mornin'."
"Nah, you ain't keepin' me from my boys." Before she could say anything, he shoved past her.
As his father's footsteps loomed closer and closer, Elias felt a trickle of pee running down his leg. And before they knew it, they felt his large hands yanking them to their feet. "Get up!" he roared.
Seeing the wet patch on Elias's pants, he snarled. "Done peed yourself like a li'l baby!" He struck the boy so hard he fell to the floor.
The tears pooled in his eyes, and he held the side of his head. "And you quit that cryin', or I'mma give you somethin' to cry about."
"Go home, Adam," snapped Louise, getting in between the two.
It took a while, but she managed to get him to leave the house, and he lurched his way to who-knew-where. And Elias was full-on sobbing now. "I'm here, baby. It's alright now," said Louise, holding him.
Her embrace was warm, soft, just what he needed. But he was still pretty rattled. "Why he gotta be so mean all the time?" he sobbed.
She sighed. "I don't know, honey. I really don't know."
When he quieted, she said, "Let's get you cleaned up now."
Tenderly, she wiped him down with a warm, wet cloth. Then, when he was clean and dry, she rubbed his back until he fell asleep. And as he drifted off, he thought, I wish she was my mama.
She got up and looked down at the sleeping boys, lying close together. Elias held onto his brother's finger. They looked so sweet, so innocent... Her heart sank a little. Adam's gonna ruin them. I just know it.
When Elias woke up the next morning, he half-expected the encounter with his father to have been a bad dream. But his pounding head and the wadded-up pants in the laundry basket told him otherwise.
He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. The other two children were awake now. Then he remembered. The kitty! "Let's go look at the kitty!"
The three walked over to where the kitten had slept that night. It appeared to still be sleeping, curled in a little ball. "Hi, kitty!" said Elias.
He reached out to pet it, but its fur was cold to the touch. He couldn't feel the vibrations of its purring anymore. "....kitty?"
Elijah knew what had happened now, but he didn't want to tell his brother. Louise went over to them. "Food's ready."
Upon seeing them, and the kitten, she squatted down to get a better look. "What's goin' on here?"
"He ain't wakin' up." Elias's eyes were starting to sting a little.
"Here, lemme..." She reached out and touched it, then turned to the children. "I'm sorry, kids, but.... he gone now."
"He ain't gone. I see him right here," said Mary.
"No, I mean... he dead."
"Y- you sure he ain't just sleepin'?" squeaked Elias.
"I'm sure, honey. I'm so sorry." She put her arm around him and stroked his shoulder.
Elijah sat in a patch of grass that afternoon, unsure how to feel. He hadn't been as attached to the kitten as Elias was, but seeing his brother upset made him upset, and watching something so small die before his eyes made his stomach turn.
Elias walked out, his eyes red and swollen. He sniffled a little, then plopped down next to his brother. "Mama Louise said there wasn't nothin' we could do. That everythin' and everyone gotta die at some point."
"Right."
"But he was so little." He was starting to cry again. "And now he gone. Forever."
Elijah rubbed his shoulder. "Well, he probably woulda died in the barn, if it wasn't for you findin' him."
"M- maybe you right." He sniffed again. "She- she also said that... that when they that little, they need they mama." Another sniffle. "We needed our mama. But she dead, too."
At this, he broke down. Elijah started to tear up as well, and they held each other and cried in the grass.
Finished, he wiped his eyes on his sleeve, then did the same for his brother. And all he could think was, We all we got now.