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Merry Stobmas, You Filthy Animals

Summary:

Seasons greasons, y'all! It's that time of year time post holiday fics, so I decided to participate in the StobHolidayBingo event hosted by @panic-flavored on Tumblr. The title is a reference to Home Alone, and all the chapters will be titled after the prompts they're based on from my bingo card. Merry Stobmas, and I hope I do the toxic old man yaoi community proud.

(Also my OC Lucky is here but whatever, the main focus is Stobotnik)

Chapter 1: Baking Cookies

Chapter Text

The smell of something sweet and warm was what woke Ivo up first. He opened his eyes slowly, enjoying the smell. The groaned as he stretched, his joints aching. He hadn't felt right since that damned blue hedgehog stole the master emerald from him and tried to kill him. Ivo quickly got changed and decided to see what his assistant's latest creation was. He'd seemed to be turning quite domestic lately. Not that Ivo minded. He loved having a handsome private chef at all hours of the day.

As he got closer to the kitchen, he heard Stone humming along to the music on the radio. Was that... a Christmas song? But no, it couldn't be that time of year yet. Could it? Ivo quickly checked his smartwatch for the date and found that yes, it was indeed December 1st. Damn. Had time really slipped past him again? It always seemed to happen near the end of the year. Ivo grumbled something under his breath and sighed.

Then Stone's eyes drew him back to why he was in the kitchen. His damn adorable puppy dog eyes, reserved only for him. Ivo grumbled again, walking past Stone and over to the table where Lucky was already sitting and swaying their head with the music, kicking their legs to the beat. Lucky was the newest addition to their trio, having been added by the orders of Commander Walters back when Ivo and Stone still worked for GUN. The green rabbit alien was there to help Ivo track down the blue menace with their ability to control cameras.

Stone grew attached to the little thing while Ivo was in mushroom hell, even giving them his own last name, so he allowed them to stay. He felt absolutely no guilt whatsoever about Lucky having hurt their ankle irreparably in the process of trying to save Ivo's life from the giant mech he'd created. It didn't make his chest tighten at all to see Lucky now having to use a cane to walk now. Nope. No guilt there whatsoever.

"Mornin', Pops."

Lucky's chipper voice drew Ivo from his thoughts. Pops. It was their newest nickname for Ivo. He wasn't sure if they actually thought of him as a parent like they did Stone - their Baba - or just called him that to tease him. They'd given him quite a few teasing nicknames over the last few months they'd spent together in the crab mech that was their new home. Lucky was sipping on a steaming mug of hot chocolate; their favorite.

"So, what did Stone make today? It had better taste as good as it smells or I'm making you do another ad read for my next livestream. Don't think I've forgotten how much you owe me for getting you into streaming."

Lucky chuckles, rolling their eyes playfully. "Why don't you just ask him, Doc? He's literally right there."

Stone chuckled at their playful banter as he pulls on a pair of oven mitts, opening the oven. "I made cookies, Doctor. I thought decorating them together would be a nice way to start the holiday season, especially since it's Lucky's first Christmas on Earth."

Lucky butted in with a chuckle and a wry smile, "Well, my first Christmas where I'm not locked in a government cage and being tested on."

That was another thing that definitely didn't bother Ivo. The way that Lucky casually made light of their past. Ivo sighed, but his attention quickly refocused on Stone. The other man was bending over to take the cookies out of the oven, and Ivo found his eyes travelling down to Stone's shapely rear. Ivo only realized he'd been staring - and exactly where - when Lucky chuckled.

Ivo blushed, his head shooting toward the brat, who slyly covered their mouth with their mug of cocoa as they pretended to take a sip, their shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter. Ivo rolled his eyes and buried his face into the collar of his turtleneck sweater, turning back towards Stone. The other man had his attention on the doctor, and he also seemed to be blushing as the baking sheet dropped from his rigid mitts onto the stove.

The former agent cleared his throat, grabbing the cookies from the baking sheet and setting them down on a cooling rack at the center of the table, then grabbed a plastic bag from the kitchen counter. When Stone started taking piping bags of different color frostings from the bag and placing them next to the cooling rack, Ivo finally noticed the shape of the cookies.

"What's with these cookies? Aren't Christmas cookies supposed to be trees and candy canes and all that holiday nonsense?"

Stone chuckled. "Well, usually yes, but I thought we could decorate cookies that looked like us! I had to freehand Lucky's ears, though."

Ivo sighed. "I'm going to need something stronger than cocoa if you're going to make me do this."

"Yes, Doctor."

With a smile, Stone stood up, walking back over to the counter and quickly, yet carefully, making Ivo's favorite drink; a latte with steamed Austrian goat's milk. He was surprised Stone hadn't made it sooner, but he supposed it was because he'd woken up earlier than usual from the cookie's delightful aroma.

That wasn't an excuse, not even close, but he supposed he could let it slide just this once. It's the first holiday he's spent with someone other than just himself and his work, after all. Maybe just this once he can let himself enjoy the holiday. Not that he'd ever say out loud that he was enjoying it.

Once he'd gotten some caffeine in his system, the cookies were cooled off and ready to decorate. There were shades of green for Lucky, purples and browns for Stone, reds and a pale skin tone for Ivo, and white and black for their eyes and small details. They got to work, decorating in near silence - save for Stone's humming - until one of Lucky's bags burst open, splattering pale green icing onto their sweater.

They groaned, grabbing some paper towel to wipe it off, and Ivo started laughing. Lucky joined in sarcastically, then after a moment, their false smile turned sinister as they turned their attention to Ivo. His laughter turned nervous as Lucky grabbed one of the red frosting bags, untwisting the end and scooping their gloved finger into the icing, grabbing a decent-sized glob of frosting.

Before Ivo could react, Lucky tossed the frosting at him, landing squarely on his nose and settling into his bushy mustache. Stone's eyes went wide, and Ivo could tell he was suppressing a giggle.

"You dare defy me, child? I am the master of food fights in this crab!"

Ivo grabbed one of Stone's purple frosting bags from his assistant's hand and squeezed, a giant dollop of icing landing on Stone's lap. The man looked down in shock, then smirked, grabbing a random bag from the table and joining in as the combined laughter from the three quickly drowned out the music.