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14 YEARS OLD
Gaoshun was currently running around trying to find his mother to speak with her about a troubling matter, his father, leader of their branch, had just given him an envelope. Telling him that he mustn’t open it before finding his mother, he had to walk all the way across camp just to find her. Gaoshun ran up to her, waving to his mother.
“Mother, hello!” Gaoshun said excitedly, having the expected energy of a 14 year old boy who had just been given a secret message from his father. He bowed quickly before countinging with what he was saying, “Father has given me this letter and he said I could not open it until I found you, should I open it now?” He asked curiously.
Gaoshun’s mother stared down at him, a warm smile covering her face as she humoured her young and only son. He was so cute when he was acting so innocent, “Of course you can open the letter my son, read it out to me. I’ve been having trouble seeing in this sunlight!” She said with a laugh.
“Of course I’ll read it out for you mother!” Gaoshun said, buzzing with excitement as he opened the letter as gently as he could. Talking the note out and unfolding it carefully, “It says… oh..?” Gaoshun stared at it confused, “Father has only written one thing on it: “I love you my dearest son and wife, I’m sorry for the burden I’m about to pass onto you. Goodnight.” Why would he be saying good night..? It’s still the afternoon!” Gaoshun said confusedly, his mother looking just as confused.
“I wonder what he meant by burden..” His mother pondered, “Maybe we should check on him..?” Gaoshun asked.
“That would be for the best.” His mother replied, slowly the two of them began walking back to where Gaoshun’s father’s office was. Gaoshun just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong but he didn’t want to scare his mother so he just kept his mouth shut. As they reached the building, it was eerily quiet. No sound of a quill scratching on paper or the scrapping of chairs. Just silence. It was nearly more disturbing than any other sound Gaoshun incisions he might hear. He timidly walked up to the door knocking once, then twice before pushing the door open. His mother behind him as they walked in.
“Hello? Father! Sorry for disturbing you-“ Gaoshun was quickly cut off, in front of him was the swinging figure of his father. He was hung from a bar in the ceiling, guess this is what he went by “goodnight”. Gaoshun heard his mother gasp, then start crying behind him. This had been one of the first times Gaoshun was exposed to a dead human body, yes he had seen animals, even killed some but his own father’s dead body. It made his legs feel weak, it made him feel like he was going to be sick. Tears were already rolling down Gaoshun’s face as he fell to his knees, a hand covering his mouth as he tried to stop himself from throwing up. Sadly, that nauseating feeling stayed however he wouldn’t throw up. The only sound that came up from his throat was a gut-wrenching scream, full of emotion and pain and sadness. Gaoshun couldn’t take his eyes off of his father’s face. It was nearly purple, blue creeping up from where the rope was tied around his neck. The way he swung gently with the breeze gusting in. Gaoshun didn’t know when he stopped screaming, it slowly became background noise to the point that he couldn’t tell what was going on. Only that his throat was in immense pain and that his knees and face were soaked with tears. His father was dead. He didn’t even get to have a heartfelt conversation with his father before he killed himself, he just wanted to talk to him. Comfort his father, talk with him, hug him, do something, anything. A wave of sobs and more tears washed over Gaoshun. At this point he was sure his mother had probably ran off to get help, trying to find someone to help deal with his father’s dead body and it was only a matter of time before he would never see his face again. Gaoshun looked up, his voice croaky due to all the screaming and crying,
“Father…” he managed to get out before tears clouded his vision again, at this point he was going to pass out from dehydration due to how much he was crying. Gaoshun tried to wipe his tears but no matter how hard he tried, more tears fell. He could hear footsteps behind him now, probably his mother with the help. He let himself be ushered away, taking one last look at his father as other members of their branch tried to take him down calmly. As Gaoshun was taken away, it slowly dawned on him that he was now sort of in charge of their branch of the Ma clan, he wasn’t ready for that responsibility! He was only 14, his parents weren’t even thinking about engagement yet. How was he meant to lead part of a clan..? Gaoshun was slowly taken away from his father, feeling lost and alone. Hopefully his mother could take control of the clan for now because he truly wasn’t in the state to do so now. Not after that…
16 YEARS OLD
Gaoshun felt weird, he was only 16 but engaged to a 22 year old woman?! How was his mother fine with this? Because he wasn’t! Not only that but the woman, Taomei had been betrothed to the heir of the Ma clan before he was killed, disowned, Gaoshun didn’t know the specifics. Only that he was about to be married off at 16 and soon be the leader of the Ma clan. He wasn’t ready for this, not at all! Maybe he could just ask Taomei to take charge for now, she was older after all so maybe she would say yes..? Gaoshun groaned as he let his head hit the desk he was sitting at, he had been moved to live with Taomei so that they would become closer but how could Gaoshun do that? He was practically just her replacement husband, she was meant to wed the heir of the Ma clan, not some random 16 year old boy from a branch of it! How did his mother even let him be taken away? He still had at least 3 or 4 years before he was expected to be married or at least engaged. He had time! Gaoshun groaned again, maybe his mother had just married him off so she wouldn’t have to bear seeing his face. Even Gaoshun couldn’t look in mirrors at times because every time he looked he always saw his father’s cold face for that day when he was 14. Almost everyday Gaoshun wished that he had got more features from his mother but then again, not everyone can be that lucky. Gaoshun knew that he didn’t have much time left to actually act like a teenager, his wedding would be in a few months then he would be expected to father children with Taomei which made his stomach churn. Seriously, they couldn’t have gotten anyone else? Really had to pick the 16 year old to go with a 22 year old? Anyway, he should’ve been grateful. One day he would lead the Ma clan and then his children would. He could be close with the imperial family and help protect them, that should be an honour! But every time Gaoshun thought of it, his stomach churned just a little bit more. This was too much responsibility, no wonder his father had killed himself.
17 YEARS OLD
Gaoshun never imagined that he would be a father at 17, but hey you never know where life will take you. She was beautiful and Gaoshun and Taomei had decided to name her Maamei, they had also decided that Taomei would be leading the clan as Gaoshun was getting to an age where he would have to leave to serve the imperial family. It was already decided as to what he would be, the emperor’s attendant and he was ready to take the responsibility this time as he had been training for the role for a while. One more year until he would go to work with the imperial family, during that time Gaoshun planned to spend as much time with his family as possible.
19 YEARS OLD
Gaoshun had three children now, his oldest Maamei, Baryou who was born a year after Maamei and Basen who was born just a few months before. A new son to the imperial family was born just today, making him the crown prince’s younger brother. With Taomei having just given birth to their youngest son, Basen, she was sent to be the boy’s wet nurse and Gaoshun went with her. Leaving their three young children to be taken care of by a relative. Gaoshun wasn’t keen to leave his children, however Taomei was practically ecstatic realising that they could get closer to the imperial family this way.
“Don’t you see Gaoshun!” Taomei said excitedly, “We’ll make the Ma clan unstoppable! Our children will have an amazing life, once the boy has grown to a toddler age then I’ll go back and take care of them while you continue to raise him. When the emperor dies, that boy will be the crown prince and we’ll be the greatest clan out of them all!” She said quickly, packing her things even faster than she already was.
“I…I don’t know though, I don’t want our children thinking that I’m some horrible father. If I spend my whole life taking care of another child then they’ll just forget about me.” Gaoshun said anxiously, causing Taomei to scoff
“Oh shut up and listen, you’re just 19, I’m 25 which means I’m smarter than you. I’ll just try to convince someone to let you visit sometimes.” Taomei said casually
“Who? Who would you be able to convince to let me leave?! Only someone in the imperial family would be powerful enough to let you and I’m sure they all want their prince to grow up strong, they’d never let me leave!” Gaoshun shouted, stopping his packing as he turned to face Taomei, “I don’t want to be some fairytale to our children.”
Taomei stared at him, a beat passed before her face warped into something like… disgust?
“How dare you! I’m trying to help our clan by getting us good with the soon to be emperor and you’re trying to stop me?!” She spat, “If you won’t come then I’ll go by myself and let you be executed.” Gaoshun looked at her, mouth agape and a look of betrayal on his face. He could feel tears pricking at the corners of his eyes but he quickly blinked them away.
“I-.. fine.” Gaoshun said begrudgingly, “I’ll go, but you better make sure that our children know me. I don’t want to come back when my job is done and have them staring at me like I have three heads.
“Fine!” Taomei said annoyedly, “I swear they’ll know you. There! Now can we finish packing so that we aren’t late?” She shouted, exasperated.
“…Okay.” Gaoshun said quietly, turning back to what he was packing. He was nearly done, not wanting to pack too much. As he and Taomei left, Gaoshun made sure to hug each one of his children tightly, kissing their foreheads and reassuring them that he’d be back in a few years but it wouldn’t feel like that long.
34 YEARS OLD
Gaoshun’s life had slowed down at this point, he was Jinshi attendant for now, who had now practically become another one of his sons as he had been a surrogate father in a way. Gaoshun helped with Jinshi’s duties now instead of leading the Ma clan, that was Taomei’s job now. Gaoshun was rather proud of Jinshi, he had watched Jinshi grow up, saw every milestone and achievement and had slowly accepted his job. Yes his children didn’t see him often, but at least he could visit every now and then. Right now, Jinshi was attempting to flirt with Maomao it seemed and Gaoshun watched over the two of them, a slight smile ghosting over his wrinkled face. It was funny seeing how smitten Jinshi was for Maomao yet how Maomao wouldn’t show any emotion back, staring at him like he was some disgusting creature. Slowly, Gaoshun had settled into this life and slowly he had decided that he enjoyed it.