Chapter Text
==> Nepeta: Pounce!!!
“:33 < karkitty!”
Nepeta pounced on Karkat, knocking him over gleefully and nuzzling into his chest.
Her prey flailed wildly while being tackled, attempting to break free from her grip. “GOD DAMNIT, NEPETA! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” Karkat yelled, his face flushing a candy red.
He attempted to push her off, failing miserably due to his short stature and overall lack of upper body strength. Not that he truly wanted her to leave him alone anyway. He just didn’t want to be crushed to death by an overexcited Nepeta.
“…PLEASE.”
Nepeta merely giggled, her tail flicking back and forth. Although it wasn’t real, she had gotten Equius to install a foam core, allowing her tail to bend and sway as she moved her hips. She lightly licked Karkat’s shoulder, purring as he furiously rubbed his cheek clean.
“:33 < you’re such a moody karkitty! i just want to roleplay!!! won’t you roleplay with AC? or help update my shipping wall?” The huntress asked, looking down at her captured prey with excited, hopeful eyes. She had long gotten over her shyness around him, used to his crabby demeanor and foul mouth. If anything, she found it adorable!
Karkat screeched angrily, wiping away her cat kiss one more time, punctuating his overexaggerated disgust.
“KARCAT ASKS THAT YOU STOP SLOBBERING ALL OVER HIM AND GET TO THE POINT. WHY DID YOU INVITE ME HERE?”
“:33 < oh!!! that’s right!!! AC invited you here for a very special reason!” Nepeta purred, jumping off Karkat and running towards her bed. As soon as Nepeta released him, Karkat instantly sat up, grateful to be able to breathe properly again. He shivered as he felt the cold air hit his skin, Nepeta’s warm touch no longer shielding him from the chilly weather.
“:33 < AC called you here tooooooooo……!!!!!”
“TO WHAT?”
“:33 < to paw some ships with me!!! i even made this fur you!!!” Nepeta exclaimed, presenting a red hat. It looked similar to her own, but came with smaller holes for Karkat’s horns. The face also had furrowed brows, as if the cat was angry. She held it out towards him, an olive blush forming across her cheeks. When Karkat didn’t respond, she shook it a bit, as if to indicate he was free to grab it from her.
“:33 < i thought… I mean! AC thought that Karkitty would like his own hat so that when we roleplay he can get into character easier!” Nepeta explained, slipping into her AC persona out of bashfulness.
Karkat merely stared at the gift. His mouth was wide open, but no words came out. He blinked, sputtering as he realized he was staring at her like a bilgesack on the gargantuan teat of a musclebeast. He quickly reached out for the hat, almost snatching it from her out of embarrassment.
He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as he inspected the present.
“OKAY. WOW. I MEAN. OBVIOUSLY THIS IS… HOLD ON. I’M TRYING TO FORM A COHERENT STRING OF SYLLABLES THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT SOUND LIKE MY THINK PAN IS FRIED.”
He fumbled with the hat, holding it away from himself as if it might catch on fire from the heat radiating off his weirdly warm face.
“I… UH…”
“YOU MADE THIS? FOR ME? LIKE, WITH YOUR ACTUAL HANDS?”
He glanced at her. Just a glance, because looking directly at Nepeta for too long while she was doing that sappy, soft smile felt like a guaranteed cardiac event.
“IT’S…”
“IT’S REALLY GOOD.”
“LIKE STUPIDLY GOOD.”
“AND THE ANGRY FACE? FUCK, IT LOOKS JUST LIKE ME.”
“WHICH IS INFURTIATING. AND…”
“…REALLY NICE.”
Nepeta perked up at this. Her tail swished as she wiggled her hips side to side happily, all the previous excitement returning to her face.
It took every last ounce of self control Nepeta had to resist tackling Karkat. She didn’t want to scare away the wild Karkitty, after all! Not when she had finally caught him!
“LOOK, NEPETA.”
“I’M NOT…”
“I’M NOT USED TO PEOPLE DOING THIS KIND OF THING. NOT FOR ME.”
“SO… I’M SORRY IF I DIDN’T REACT IN THE RIGHT WAY.” Karkat swallowed, eyes flicking between her and the tiny angry eyebrows sewn on the front.
Flushing, he jammed the hat on his head with all the grace of a panicked newborn grub trying to hide under a blanket. The horn holes lined up perfectly, as if she had measured them. Which she probably had.
Which only made this worse. Or better. Or something in the middle that he refused to define.
“THERE.”
“LOOK.”
“IT FITS.”
“HOW DO I LOOK? LIKE A COMPLETE JOKE? LIKE A DICKLARK? BECAUSE IF SO, FINE. I DON’T CARE. I’M WEARING IT EVEN IF I LOOK LIKE A HEINOUS COD PACKING FUCK.”
Nepeta clasped her hands together, tail swaying behind her in delighted zigzags.
“:33 < it fits perfectly!!! i knew it would! i measured your horns when you fell asl33p on your husktop that one time!!!”
Karkat choked. “WHEN I WAS WHAT.”
“HOW MANY OTHER THINGS HAVE YOU MEASURED WHILE I WAS UNCONSCIOUS???”
Nepeta gave a giggle and waved a pawlike hand dismissively. “:33 < shhhhh!!! don’t worry about the technicalites! AC simply n33ded the exact dimensions for accuracy!”
Karkat’s eye twitched. “TECHNICALITIES, SHE SAYS. JEGUS TROLLING CHRIST.”
With a purr, Nepeta pounced. She happily tacklehugged Karkat, once again knocking him onto the cave floor. She straddled his lap once more, nuzzling his neck affectionately.
Nepeta nipped at Karkat’s lips. He opened his mouth to retort, hissing in slight pain, before being engulfed in a kiss. Nepeta slid her tongue into Karkat’s mouth, happily lapping up his saliva, prodding his tongue with her own. Karkat let out a small groan, encouraging Nepeta. She purred into the kiss, her tail excitedly swishing behind her.
Karkat froze up, hands hovering uncertainly for a moment before settling awkwardly on her waist. His think pan struggled to process the fact he was being kissed for the first time. Ever.
He allowed himself to give in, using his knowledge of troll romance movies to deepen the kiss. She tasted nice, the mix of roasted game and milk surprisingly pleasant. Karkat was suddenly hyper aware of his chapped lips, making him a bit self conscious. But Nepeta didn’t seem to mind. And if she didn’t, why should he? Fuck it. Instead, Karkat decided to focus all of his attention on the girl before him.
He couldn't believe he was doing this. He couldn't believe he was kissing an autistic girl in a cave. Karkat mystified in infinite befuddlement over the fact he was letting Nepeta lick the inside of his mouth while kissing him happily.
“:33 < hehehe! off they go!!!” Nepeta exclaimed, tugging lightly on his jeans. Karkat tensed up, but complied, lifting himself off the ground a bit to make it easier for her. His face was flushed, twisted into a mix of embarrassment, anger, nerves, and salacity.
“NEPETA…” Karkat sputtered out, gently guiding her onto the middle of his lap. His eyes darted around the room, subconsciously looking to see if they were truly alone. Besides her sleeping lusus, the room was empty. Good. No one could see this. If anyone did, Karkat would have to personally gut himself with his sickle. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her, letting out a shaky breath.
Nepeta squealed in surprise as Karkat pulled her closer, happily melting into his touch. It was rare for him to show such straightforward affection towards her. He was usually such a sourpuss! How could this day get any better?!?!?!?!
She mentally patted herself on the back. She knew he was simply a tsundere!!! Her headcanons are never wrong!!!
“:33 < this feels so nice, karkitty!!! AC wants to continue! purrchance we could even roleplay!!!”
“NEPETA THERES NO WAY IN FUCK I’M DOING THAT.”
“:33 < oh :((”
“GODDAMNIT FINE. WE CAN ROLEPLAY OR WHATEVER WEIRD SHIT YOU WANT TO DO.” Karkat grumbled. He yanked her into an even tighter hug, hiding his embarrassed expression in her hair.
“KARCAT IS READY TO GIVE INTO THE HUNTRESS AND HER TWISTED SADISTIC GAMES.”
“:33 < yay!!! :DD” Nepeta purred, unsheathing her claws. “:33 < don’t move karkitty! i don’t want to hurt you so be sure to stay still!”
“WAIT, NEPETA WHAT ARE YOU DOING”
“:33 < i said hold still! >:((” Nepeta pouted, slicing off Karkat’s sweater with one swift, precise motion.
Karkat froze for a single second, stunned as his sweater was ripped to shreds, falling unceremoniously onto the floor.
Then,
“NEPETA THAT WAS MY ONLY SWEATER. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????? WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK COMPELLED YOU TO DESTROY MY ONLY ARTICLE OF CLOTHING THAT DIDN’T HAVE HOLES IN IT ALREADY??????????”
He yelled, flailing his arms in wild circles. “YOU HAVE JUST DESTROYED THE SINGLE MOST FUNCTIONAL ITEM I OWN. THE ONLY THING PROTECTING ME FROM THE CRUEL, UNFORGIVING ELEMENTS.”
Nepeta squeaked as he accidentally pulled her closer mid-flail, feeling the warmth radiate from his bare chest. He was rather skinny; Lean but lacking muscle.
He was even more purrfect than she had imagined!!! :33
Wait, she shouldn’t focus on that! She had a job to do! She couldn’t let their moment be ruined! She had to subdue the wild Karkitty!
“:33 < okay, that’s enough karkitty!” Nepeta huffed, lunging forward with both paws. “:33 < you’ve left me no choice!”
“NEPETA— DON’T— DON’T YOU EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT—”
“:33 < SHOOSHPAP!!!”
Nepeta pounced, placing her paws on Karkat’s cheeks. “:33 < shoooshshooshooshshoosh!!!” She whispered, papping Karkat’s cheeks with soft, rapid, devastatingly rhythmic motions.
Karkat stiffened, shaking with the effort of staying enraged. “S— ST— STOP. NO. I’M NOT— THIS ISN’T— CUT IT THE FUCK OUT—”
But she kept going.
Pap. Pap pap. Papapapapapapap.
“:33 < calm… calm little crabby kitty… shooshshooshshoosh…”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT—”
Another round of paps. Softer. Ceremonial.
His eyelids drooped. Nepeta leaned closer.
“:33 < shooshshoosh… calm down.. furget about your anger!!!”
Karkat’s limbs jerked in slow, pathetic arcs, as if he wanted to flail but his body had betrayed him. “THIS… THIS IS HUMILATING.”
Pap pap pap.
Karkat tried to protest, tried to muster the tiniest shred of rage, but the syllables melted into one pathetic, wobbly grumble. “…NNNNNNOOOOOOOO…”
Nepeta papped the back of his head soothingly. “:33 < purrpare… for the finale!”
“THERE’S A FINALE??? FUCK—”
Nepeta purred, centering her stance. She raised both paws, enacting the TRIPLE SHOOSHPAP COMBO.
Lips. Cheeks. And for the grand finale, she very deliberately papped him between the horns.
Pap.
Karkat let out a completely involuntary noise. Almost like a hiccup. A hiccup full of defeat. He flopped forward, face landing on her shoulder. Completely neutralized. Completely pap-neutralized.
“:33 < there we go!!! feeling better karkitty?” Nepeta asked, rubbing small circles into his back. “:33 < AC rolls over happily at having successfully caught her prey!!!”
She booped his nose. Boop-pap.
“YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE…” Karkat grumbled, returning the nose boop begrudgingly.
Nepeta beamed, nuzzling against him. “:33 < AC is glad that her prey is back to his usual level of anger!!! now then… she gives him 10 seconds to hide before she pounces!”
Karkat’s eyes widened in horror. “HEY, WAIT, SHOULDN’T I GET MORE TIME???”
“:33 < karkitty, you agr33d to roleplay! you’re at the mercy of the huntress now >:33”
“FUCK I DID AGREE TO THAT DIDN’T I. FINE, BUT GET OFF ME FIRST.” He grumbled, gently nudging her off his lap. Karkat did not need to be told twice to hide, immediately running off towards the darker side of the cave.
“FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS.” He yelled, ducking behind the giant carcass of what appeared to be a wolfbeast.
He knew Nepeta regularly hunted animals twice her size, but seeing one of her recent kills up close still came as a minor shock. She’s stronger than most people give her credit for. It’s one of the reasons he had first messaged her to join the red team. It’s also one of the reasons he was so pissed when Eridan discarded her as nothing more than a kittycat shipper cave girl.
“:33 < AC pounces!!!”