Work Text:
Jay pulled into his assigned parking space and got out of his car, walking to the entrance of the apartment complex where he and Tim had been living. It wasn’t the nicest place—it had bad water damage, they lost power frequently, and the heating system broke at least once a month—but it was out of Alabama and that was all they could’ve asked for. He locked his car behind him, pressing the button a few times to make sure it worked. He’d developed the habit both because his car was old and the buttons on the fob often didn’t work at first, and because he had his car broken into a few too many times. Tim’s car had been totaled a few weeks ago so they were stuck sharing a car at the moment, not that they weren’t used to it. Currently, Jay worked from home electronically and Tim worked at a warehouse, so they really only needed the one car anyway. Eventually, Jay wanted to take some college classes online about film so he could hopefully get back into the space and maybe start working professionally in the industry.
Jay had always wanted to work in film, and even after everything he had been through, he still loved filming and his camera. Tim had gotten him a new one for Christmas the previous year and though it wasn’t a super expensive one as far as camera’s go, Jay was still overjoyed. Jay had gotten Tim a new guitar he had found a secondhand shop since his old one got destroyed along with most of his other possessions when Alex burnt down his house. Oftentimes after doing the grocery shopping, Jay would come home to the apartment being filled with the sounds of Tim practicing and he never got sick of it.
As he made his way up the few flights of stairs he had to climb, he noticed the florescent overhead lights weren’t on like they normally were. He didn’t notice at first, as it was still day time and the windows along the back wall flooded the staircase with enough light that it wasn’t an issue. He really hoped the power hadn’t gone out again, but he suspected it might’ve.
He finally made it to his floor, and silently cursed their decision to live higher up. He and Tim had both agreed at the time that they wanted an apartment on a higher floor so there was no risk of someone peeking in through the windows should they decide to open the curtains. They both knew they were being paranoid, as everything seemed to be over now, but this was one of their less… weird… choices based in mutual trauma. Even though they got this apartment with the intentions of letting some natural light in once in a while, they still rarely opened the curtains and when one of them did it was never when they were home alone.
Opening the door, Jay immediately noticed the room was submerged in darkness and eerily quiet. There went any of his doubts about the power being out, it definitely was. Neither him nor Tim liked being in total darkness, even when they slept. They always had either the TV on, a distant lamp on, or even the larger overhead light if they had a particularly bad day. The only times they considered being in total darkness was when Tim had a migraine and even then he would just put something over his eyes to block the light out. When they power had gone out previously, they either just left the apartment for the day, or they surrounded themselves with flashlights and candles. Because of this, Jay was a little confused as to why everything was dark since he assumed Tim would’ve immediately found any other light source he could.
Finally stepping through the doorway and shutting it behind him, Jay was immediately caught off guard and pushed up against the wall, a hand pressing into his chest while the other kept one of his hands pinned to his side. Jay’s heart beat rapidly in his chest, immediately assuming the worst that someone had broken in and was going to drag him back into everything again. As his eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, he was eventually able to focus on the face in front of him. He squinted his eyes slightly and was able to make out the face of Tim, though Jay could almost immediately tell he wasn’t himself.
“Tim? It’s just me, it’s Jay,” he said quietly, not wanting to scare the man in front of him any more than he already was.
Jay watched as recognition slowly crept over the other man’s face and he slowly released his hold on Jay, taking a step back. He still didn’t say anything, and by now Jay was able to make out more of his face. His eyes seemed distant and while Tim’s brow was usually furrowed, his face was disturbingly blank now. Only then did Jay realize he likely wasn’t looking at Tim at all.
It had been a while since Tim had reverted to this state, and neither of them really understood it still. All Jay knew was that when Tim got like this, he was normally heavily dissociated, he was mute, and he didn’t like being referred to as “Tim.” Tim didn’t seem to know much else as he almost never remembered the things he did in this state, but he knew he acted differently and was often on edge. Last time this had happened had been after Tim had a particularly bad nightmare and he didn’t come out of it for about a day or two. Jay had to call him out of work, which was not a fun conversation because the person on the other end had too many questions and wouldn’t accept his calling in at first. After about an hour of arguing Jay had essentially told the worker to suck it up and miraculously, Tim hadn’t been fired.
“Tim?” Jay asked. He shook his head and took another step back, confirming Jay’s thoughts.
“Okay, that’s okay. Was it the power outage?” He nodded this time, the movement a bit stiff.
“Okay. I’m going to back away from the wall now and grab some flashlights so we can see,” Jay stated, waiting a bit before actually moving. While Tim didn’t usually react violently when he was like this, he had slightly lashed out at Jay a few times if he made sudden moves, similar to how he had reacted when Jay walked through the door. Tim always apologized profusely after it happened, but Jay insisted he didn’t mind and he wasn’t hurt, physically or emotionally. He understood that it was likely just a fight or flight response and he took no offense from it and he promised he’d just find ways to make Tim feel safer when he was like that. Jay found that if he explained what he was going to do before he did it, the man wouldn’t have as bad of a reaction and would just let Jay go about his business.
Jay also knew that Tim tended to be more protective of him when he was in that state, but that didn’t come as much of a surprise considering he had also broken into Jay’s house to watch over him while he slept. As weird and creepy as it was, it was a little endearing looking back on it. There have been an instance or two where Jay would wake up in the morning to him watching over him in the corner of their room.
As he slowly pushed himself away from the wall, the other man took another small step back, but still followed Jay as he went into their small kitchen to fish some flashlights out from a drawer. They likely had more flashlights than any normal person needed, but they often came in handy. Jay grabbed two out of the drawer and turned around to face the man who was lingering nearby. Normally when they power went out, he and Tim would use every flashlight they had in every corner of every room, but Jay didn’t want to overwhelm him right now so he figured less might be better.
“I’m gonna turn these on, okay? You can hold one if you’d like,” Jay said, holding one of the flashlights out. The man slowly walked over to Jay, softly taking the flashlight from Jay’s hand before turning it on and pointing it in Jay’s direction. He didn’t back away from Jay this time either, staying close enough that Jay could reach out and touch him if he wanted. Jay turned on his own flashlight and briefly pointed it around the room just to reassure himself that no one was there before turning it on the man in front of him.
In better light, he could now see that he had his tan jacket on, though didn’t have the mask covering his face. Tim had thrown it out as soon as Jay was healed enough to leave Alabama which Jay was slightly thankful for since he could read his facial expressions now, as inexpressive as they often were. Every time Tim was like this, he put the jacket back on, regardless of if he was actually cold or not. Neither of them quite knew why, but Jay assumed part of it was because he found it secure.
“Do you feel a little safer now?” Jay asked genuinely, though not really expecting much of an answer. The man tilted his head to the side a bit and blinked at Jay before nodding slightly. He supposed that was better than a no.
“Come on,” Jay said, walking away now to their bedroom. He didn’t even need to look behind him to know he was being followed closely. Once in their room, Jay sat on the floor in the corner across from the doorway and placed his flashlight on the ground, pointing it in the door’s direction. The other man followed his lead and sat next to him, close enough that their shoulders touched.
Jay knew by now that one of the places Tim felt safest was in corners, both when he was like this and when he wasn’t. Tim had explained that it was because he could have a complete view of the entire room, and he had something sturdy against his back, which prevented anything from coming up behind him. Every so often, he would find Tim sleeping in a chair in the corner of their room instead of their bed, and more often then not, Jay would join him there. After a while, Tim had opened up to him more and said that when he was growing up in the hospital, he would often sleep in the corner as well so he felt less surrounded. When the orderlies would check in on him and find him there, some would admonish him for it, likely because it was another thing that was “wrong” with him and it wasn’t “normal.”
“Better?” He nodded again, less hesitant this time. Jay smiled at him slightly before holding his hand out for him to hold if he wanted. After moving in together and experiencing this a few times, it took a little while for Tim to be comfortable with physical touch when in this state but now Jay knew it helped ground him. The man gently placed his hand in Jay’s as Jay lightly squeezed it and rubbed his thumb along the back of it, hoping the movement helped keep him present.
While they were there, Jay would sometimes fill the silence by talking about simple mundane things, like his to-do list for the next couple days, while the other listened intensely, never really breaking eye contact. It unsettled Jay a bit, as he never was good with eye contact or people looking at him too closely, but he took it as a sign that the talking was helping in a way. They ended up sitting there, huddled together, until the power came back on.