Chapter Text
Kaveh woke up to a strange darkness in the room, lulling him back to sleep among the pillows cushioning his still half-dreaming body. It must be a rainy day, he thought, to justify the lack of soft morning light which typically rose him. Yawning, he debated staying in bed longer than usual to take advantage of the comforting warmth urging his limbs to stay under the covers. After a few lingering moments of peace, he begrudgingly stood up. My commissions won’t work on themselves.
Why was the room so dark? The curtains were evidently closed, but Kaveh had purposely installed some that were somewhat translucent; he preferred to be woken up by natural light. Sighing, he made his way towards the door.
“Kaveh,” came a mumble from his bed.
He nearly jumped out of his own body, and his mouth dropped all the way to the floor as he realised he had been lying next to a bundle of fluffy covers commonly known as Alhaitham. His roommate. His long-time best friend. The Akademiya’s Acting Grand Sage.
”Kaveh,” he called again, and the voice was clearer now. There was no doubt that Alhaitham was awake. And obviously, he had seen him. There was no running away from this predicament.
And what a predicament this was indeed. Kaveh frantically scoured his own memory for an explanation, but he vividly remembered going to sleep in his own bed after a perfectly regular workday. Had something happened during the night? His cheeks felt warm at the implication of what could have happened, but aside from a lack of memories, he also noted that he was fully clothed. And Alhaitham seemed to be too, although he was mostly covered by a blanket. Gulping, Kaveh stepped towards his roommate. This is normal, he told himself. He called me, so I’m approaching him. Maybe he had sleepwalked the previous night. It had never happened, but there always had to be a first time, right? Alhaitham probably had an explanation for whatever was going on.
”No good morning kiss for me?” Alhaitham smiled, eyes still half-closed. Kaveh stuttered, stuck in place, completely taken aback by the croaky deepness of his roommate’s morning voice. He had said what? “What, are you mad at me?” Alhaitham added after a moment of silence.
”I… no? What?” Kaveh managed.
He was then softly pulled back into bed, Alhaitham’s warm embrace pressing their foreheads together. “Are you neglecting me, senior? How rude to simply leave me in bed with not even a good morning.”
”Good— good morning,” Kaveh hiccupped. “Alhaitham, I…”
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What in the actual fuck is happening?
”Hm?” his roommate (?? probably more than that at this point?) replied. “What is it, love? Are you sick? You don’t look so good.”
Love? The word sent his gut into a somersault. Kaveh fought the urge to shake Alhaitham by the shoulders. What the fuck has gotten into him?
The pair of silver eyebrows in front of him contorted into a frown, making Alhaitham look properly concerned in an unusually expressive way.
Something definitely happened, and I can’t even remember what it was.
”Kaveh?”
But… he hadn’t even had a sip of alcohol. It was a Monday. He had sketched until his wrists hurt, made some tea, then gone to sleep as usual. In his own bed. Alone. There had to be something missing.
”I don’t remember what happened last night,” he blurted out, leaning away.
Alhaitham’s frown deepened. “At all? What’s the last thing you remember?”
”I… I remember when you went to sleep. Then, I worked a little longer in the study. Finished my sketch for the stairway in Gandharva Ville. Went to bed. In my room. Then… slept. I guess.”
”What makes you think anything else happened?” Alhaitham asked, a hint of amusement in his eyes.
”The fact that I somehow woke up here, asshole? I’m serious, I really don’t remember,” he replied, looking away sheepishly.
”Kaveh, nothing else happened. You went to sleep after me. I don’t remember anything else happening during the night.” Alhaitham softly caressed his cheek now, placing a gentle kiss that nearly made Kaveh faint on the spot.
”How did I get here?”
”You walked, I suppose,” he chuckled.
”When?”
”I don’t know, you just said you came after you finished drawing some stairs.”
”Not to this room!”
”Where else would you sleep?”
Kaveh stared at him longly, then sighed in relief. A rush of annoyance gave him the energy to push Alhaitham away. “Is this your idea of a prank? I really don’t see the humour. How did you even bring me here without me waking up? I’m such a light sleeper,” he mumbled, standing up.
”I really don’t understand what you’re referring to,” Alhaitham said, moving after him.
”Very funny. You can drop the act now, I’ve already figured out your little prank,” Kaveh scoffed, stampeding through the corridor.
”What prank?”
Kaveh nearly collapsed backwards as he opened the door to his room and found it almost empty, with disgustingly white walls. Alhaitham caught him in his arms.
”What the fuck?” he hissed. “I swear on Lesser Lord Kusanali herself, Alhaitham, if you did this, I’m never going to forgive you!”
”My darling, what in Celestia are you talking about? Do you want water? Sit down and explain this to me,” Alhaitham murmured, rubbing a delicate hand against his shoulders. “Did you drink?”
”No!” Kaveh exclaimed, poking the white wall to verify that it wasn’t fresh paint.
Alhaitham snaked an arm around his waist. “Let’s—“
”Stop touching me!” Kaveh shrieked, rushing towards the bathroom.
Alhaitham froze, eyes widening. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Did I do something to upset you?”
”Stop this right fucking now!” Kaveh yelled. “What did you do to my room? If this is a prank, I need you to stop, Alhaitham, it’s not funny! Is Cyno involved in this?”
”Kaveh, I don’t understand what you mean,” Alhaitham replied quietly. “Could we sit down and talk about this? Maybe I should take you to the Bimarstan.”
Kaveh breathed heavily, gripping the bathroom doorframe. There was no hint of amusement in Alhaitham’s face; his eyes seemed to express raw concern and confusion.
”Alhaitham. I really, really need you to be completely honest with me. Are you pulling a prank or something?”
“No,” he stated firmly. “What makes you think I am?”
What the fuck is happening. What in the actual fuck is happening?
”Why did I sleep in your bed?”
Alhaitham blinked. “Because we share a bed.”
”Ever since when do we share a bed?” Kaveh exclaimed, exasperated.
”What? Kaveh, do you—“
”No, wait,” Kaveh interrupted. “How long has that room been like that for? Like— all white and shit.”
”A few months. You don’t…?” Alhaitham looked positively horrified now. “Kaveh, do you have some sort of amnesia? How do you not remember— I don’t understand.”
Kaveh bit his lip forcefully. Amnesia? “Maybe… Maybe? I really don’t remember any of this…” He felt the sudden urge to cry. “To me, today is the third of July. Is that right?”
Alhaitham nodded, making Kaveh sigh in relief. “And… the year… we’re in the year in which you saved the Dendro Archon, right?”
”Yes,” Alhaitham replied. “Odd. So you remember what happened last night, and what happened months ago, but you don’t remember moving into my room?”
”Yeah.”
A pause.
”Is there anything else confusing you, apart from the room?”
Kaveh stared at his roommate, before locking his gaze on the floor tiles.
”I… The way you’re treating me? Calling me pet names, and touching me. I don’t… I thought we were just friends?”
It was Alhaitham’s turn to stare, dissecting Kaveh’s red eyes for any hint of unseriousness. He found nothing.
”Just to confirm. You aren’t pranking me either, are you?”
”What? Why would I do that? I don’t understand anything, Alhaitham.”
”You… forgot that we’re a couple?” Alhaitham looked small now, eyes falling with a sense of hurt, hands pausing mid-air as if hesitant to reach for Kaveh.
”What?”
They were seated by the dinner table now, two untouched cups of tea growing cold between them. Kaveh chanced a glance up, only to be met with Alhaitham’s piercing gaze. He had explained everything again, and Alhaitham had said nothing, seemingly deep in thought.
”What did we do on Saturday?”
The sudden question startled Kaveh, who furrowed his brows.
”Uh. We went to the Grand Bazaar for groceries, then you went home and I watched Nilou’s performance. I had dinner with Nilou and the troop at Lambad’s, while you… well, I don’t know. You ate at home, probably. You were asleep when I got here.”
Alhaitham finally had a sip of tea.
”Is that not how you remember it?” Kaveh asked nervously.
”No. We watched the dance together, then we came home and I cooked fatteh for you. Then we… well, it doesn’t matter.” He had another sip. “It’s not a case of just forgetting, then. You have different memories from mine.”
”Or maybe,” Kaveh suggested, “I’m the one with the correct memories, and your mind made yours up. You know, we don’t really have any evidence that I’m the wrong one here.”
”Firstly, we don’t know if there’s a wrong memory, as we don’t know what’s happening,” Alhaitham pointed out. “However, if one of us is wrong, we do have evidence that it would be you. You remember sleeping in another room, yet you woke up with me. You also don’t remember the guest bedroom having white walls, but we both just saw it with our own eyes. Plus,” he added, pulling the collar of his shirt down, “I also have evidence of what we did on Saturday night.”
Kaveh’s eyes widened as he took in a faded hickey colouring Alhaitham’s collarbone.
”You… I…” How was he supposed to react to this? “But I really… What?”
Alhaitham sighed. “Do you remember anything out of the ordinary, from before you went to sleep? Did you eat or drink something potentially suspicious, or touch an artefact or something that could have contact with elemental energy?”
”Not that I remember?” Kaveh took a moment to think. “I’m sorry if this is unfair, Alhaitham, but I don’t totally trust that you’re not pranking me. So, if you are, this is really freaking me out, you can stop.”
Alhaitham rolled his eyes. “Why don’t I prove it to you? Let’s go to the Grand Bazaar right now, find Nilou, and ask what she remembers from Saturday.”
”Fine. I’m completely sure she’ll remember our dinner together.”
”Oh, on Saturday? After my performance, I went out for dinner with the troop! I saw you two in the audience, by the way. Thank you for being here, it means a lot to me,” Nilou said, smiling brightly before excusing herself to return to practicing.
Kaveh’s eye twitched. He felt a warm hand steady his trembling fingers, before the touch receded. “Sorry, force of habit,” Alhaitham mumbled, before drawing in a sharp breath. “Well, is that enough evidence for you?”
”Who knows about us?” Kaveh asked, ignoring the previous question.
”As in, about our romantic relationship?”
Kaveh nearly choked, answering in a squeaky voice. “Yeah.”
”Well, everyone. It’s not a secret.”
They made their way to the Akademiya, and Cyno confirmed Alhaitham’s statement. “It was the talk of the town when you guys made it public. Half of the city already knew you were in love, though. Tighnari and I had a bet going on about how long it’d take you to figure it out, and I won,” he recounted smugly.
Kaveh did not know what to do with this information. How did he have no recollection of this? And, worse even, how come his memories seemed to have been replaced by different ones? It would have been impossible for Alhaitham to pull all this out for his own amusement — firstly because he was too lazy, and secondly because it would require somehow refurnishing Kaveh’s entire room and convincing even Nilou to lie. And, infuriating as Alhaitham was, he would not mess with Kaveh’s head to this point.
”Maybe I should go to the Bimarstan.”
”I agree,” Alhaitham murmured. (As far as Kaveh was concerned, it was the first time those words had left his roommate’s lips.)
”Are you feeling unwell?” Cyno asked, frowning. “Is there anything I can do?”
”He doesn’t remember we’re a couple,” Alhaitham muttered.
”What?” Cyno exclaimed, and Kaveh remarked that he had never seen the General Mahamatra so shocked. “But you were gushing about it for weeks. How come? Since when?”
”This morning.”
”Perhaps you should talk to Tighnari,” Cyno suggested. “This seems like some weird elemental energy thing. Perhaps a ley line disorder? I don’t see how a biological condition would make you forget something so specific. Tighnari is used to adventurers dealing with all sorts of weird curses.”
They went to the Bimarstan, but the doctors assured Kaveh that everything seemed perfectly normal, as Cyno had anticipated. They decided to make their way to Gandharva Ville.
”So… how did this happen?” Kaveh mumbled awkwardly, the curiosity that had been burning inside him finally convincing his mouth to open. “Like, how did we get together?”
”It was after the whole change in government and the end of the Akasha system. You were upset that I hadn’t told you anything, and you were worried. I thought your concern was cute, and I told you so. I was tired, and it just slipped. It turned out that my feelings were reciprocated and, well. That’s it, really.
Kaveh hummed. That wasn’t how he remembered it at all. Huh, so Alhaitham had found his concern “cute”? Could’ve fooled me.
The rest of the walk was silent, and it was unclear which of the two was more uncomfortable. Upon sighting Tighnari’s ears, they both sighed in relief.
”So, let me get this straight,” the forest ranger stared at them in disbelief, “until yesterday, everything was normal, then you woke up this morning with different memories? And, in your memories, you and Alhaitham are not together?”
”Kind of,” Kaveh replied. “I didn’t wake up with different memories. Up until yesterday, the world was exactly like I remembered. It only changed today.”
Tighnari hummed. “I’m trying to imagine what might have caused this. Elemental disturbances may have all sorts of effects on people, so I would not be surprised if something of the sort had somehow altered your memories.”
”But, again, my memories didn’t change. The world did.”
Alhaitham raised a sceptical brow. “Everyone else agrees that everything is the same. You were what changed.”
Kaveh paled. Could it be that… his version of his life was a lie? That his memories had changed, and so what he remembered was simply a fabrication? Could it be that, up until yesterday, he was perfectly used to everything going on around him? To… Alhaitham and he—
“Did you come into contact with anything that might have triggered this?” Tighnari questioned, interrupting his thoughts. “Or did you go anywhere different from normally?”
”Um, no. I…” He scratched the nape of his own neck, thoughts spiralling around his mind and making him somewhat dizzy.
Alhaitham gently pulled his nails from where they had come close to drawing blood. “We don’t know if your memories were actually altered. It’s just a possibility, and it may be proven wrong. Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out together, okay?”
Alhaitham spoke so gingerly it made Kaveh even dizzier, and a voice in his mind screamed that perhaps it would be better if this was real life, and if Alhaitham treated him like this all the time.
Kaveh, what are you thinking?
”I… I think we should go home,” he stated, surprisingly firmly. He needed to absorb all of this, it was too much, way too much, and it was confusing every certainty he—
“Okay,” Alhaitham replied, interrupting whatever protest Tighnari was about to profess. “We’ll come back later if we need, Tighnari. Thank you for seeing us.”
The rest of the day passed in a blur. Kaveh locked himself in the (upsettingly white) “guest” bedroom and tried to wrap his mind around what he had learned, focusing every fibre of his being into trying to remember the memories he had somehow lost. It was in vain. Alhaitham knocked on the door periodically, asking if he was hungry, or thirsty, or anything of the sort, but Kaveh just mumbled a “no” until he couldn’t take the rumbling in his stomach anymore.
Alhaitham reheated some rice in a loosened pyjama shirt that flaunted the hickey Kaveh had (allegedly) given him. Kaveh’s eyes brightened with an idea.
”Alhaitham,” he exclaimed, a little too enthusiastically. “You showed me the hickey, which is apparently evidence of what we did. But, on Saturday, did you leave any marks on me? That I’d be able to check right now?”
“How had I not thought of that?” Alhaitham muttered. “Yes. Check your inner thigh.”
Kaveh went to the bathroom and, after a couple of minutes, returned triumphantly. “See? I’m not crazy. There’s nothing on my thigh. Meaning, whatever happened on Saturday, this body of mine wasn’t involved.”
Alhaitham had never looked so confused in his life, and, after a quick moment of basking in the glow of being right, Kaveh realised this wasn’t actually a good thing. It raised more questions than answers.
”We should speak to Lesser Lord Kusanali.”
”What?” Kaveh shrieked. “No fucking way. What am I supposed to say? Oh, hello, Archon of Wisdom, I can’t seem to remember having sex with my boyfriend, can you use your godly power to help us figure out why that is?”
”I cannot think of anyone other than her who could help us with this situation.”
Alhaitham was, unfortunately, and as he often is, right. How had Kaveh (allegedly) fallen in love with such a man?
”Well, it’s late,” he muttered. “We should go tomorrow. Right now, I want to sleep for at least one billion years to get rid of this headache.”
Alhaitham nodded. “Do you want painkillers? I can get them for you.”
And Gods, that look of concern in Alhaitham’s eyes was so unfamiliar, yet so enticing, like he would take care of Kaveh no matter what. Wasn’t that what Kaveh had always wanted? Someone who looked at him like that?
He shook his head, more so at his own thoughts than at Alhaitham’s question. They had dinner silently, then he rushed to sleep in the cold, lifeless white bedroom he couldn’t exactly call his anymore.
To his dismay, however, we woke up in the warm comfort of Alhaitham’s bed once more, this time snuggled into a broad chest. Again? He didn’t remember moving bedrooms this time, either. What, do you just magically teleport to your lover’s arms when you’re in a relationship? He carefully detangled their limbs, tiptoeing to the bathroom and sighing in relief when Alhaitham did not flinch. He groaned, however, upon remembering all his clothes were in Alhaitham’s room.
”Where are you going?” his roommate (boyfriend?) called from the bed.
”On a walk. I’ll come back soon.” He needed to get out of this house.
”Okay. I love you.”
Kaveh froze. Alhaitham was sleepy, it was natural that he would slip up and treat him like he was used to. Still, it… Well. He had never heard those words from him before. It sent a blush to his cheeks.
”You forgot your ring,” Alhaitham’s hazy voice interrupted his movements towards the door, gesturing to a ring on that was, apparently, on his nightstand.
”Oh, that’s not mine,” Kaveh replied, eyeing the intricate piece of gold with a red jewel in its center. “Well, maybe it is and I forgot. I cannot afford this. Am I secretly rich, in this world?”
Alhaitham frowned in confusion. “What are you on about?”
”Nothing,” Kaveh replied, slipping the ring onto his finger. It should be his, because it fit perfectly. “This is beautiful.”
”I should hope so. Cost me a fortune.”
He opened his mouth to ask Alhaitham why he’d spend so much money on a gift, but, well. It should be pretty obvious. They were a couple in the end.
”It matches my eyes,” he remarked, touched by the thoughtfulness.
Alhaitham hummed, scooting closer and pulling the ringed finger to his lips for a gentle kiss. “You know well I’m not an artist but, if I were, you would be my muse.”
”You’re so sappy. How did you win me over, with that kind of line?”
Alhaitham grinned. “I ask myself the same thing everyday. How did I get so lucky? I half-expected you to say no, when I proposed.”
Kaveh’s eyes widened. “What?” he screamed.
His roommate was not taken aback by his theatrics. “Of course, I know you love me. We’ve been together for eight years, after all. But it’s normal to be nervous in such a moment, so don’t tease me, senior.”
”Eight years? You said we’d been together for months!”
”When did I say such a thing? Are you okay, my love?”
”Yesterday! Wait, we’re engaged?” Kaveh exclaimed, face completely pale. “Do you… you don’t remember saying that? Gods, maybe it’s you who lost your memory, now…”
”What?” Alhaitham asked, getting out of bed. “Kaveh, I really don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Déjà vu.
He explained the events of the previous twenty-four hours in detail and, to his horror, Alhaitham had a completely different recollection of what had happened. They had allegedly gone to work as normal. To confirm whose version of the events was correct, they approached Nilou once again.
”Hm? No, I didn’t see the two of you yesterday. Did you pass by? I’m so sorry, I really didn’t notice!”
Kaveh felt his head go light, and it was only distantly that he heard Alhaitham calling his name and pulling him into a patch of shade. “We should go see Lesser Lord Kusanali.”
The Sanctuary of Surasthana looked imposing, and were it not for the nerve-wracking situation he found himself in, Kaveh would have admired the delicate architecture of an Archon’s home.
”Kaveh and Alhaitham! What a surprise. What may I may help you with?”
Kaveh had half-expected her to immediately know what was wrong, laugh it off, and fix it in the snap of a finger. Evidently, that was not the case. Confronted with Kaveh’s pessimistic silence, Alhaitham took it upon himself to synthesise the morning’s events to the best of his ability.
”Interesting…” she remarked, tilting her head. “Kaveh, may I examine your consciousness to investigate the issue?”
He nodded. “Of course, Lord Kusanali. Thank you.”
She giggled. ”You may call me Nahida.”
He then spent way too many moments with the Archon staring into his eyes with an intensity that not even Alhaitham could rival. He was afraid to move, but it was uncomfortable to remain still for so long.
”This is very interesting,” Nahida repeated once the gaze in her eyes returned to normalcy. Is that a good thing? “Kaveh, did you ever modify the Akasha terminal you used?”
”Yes,” he replied, somewhat embarrassed. “I tinkered with it several times over the years. I wanted to figure out how the mechanism worked.”
She hummed. “That is probably the cause of the issue then. You see, Kaveh, you don’t belong here.”
Well, first of all, ouch. As if there wasn’t a mean little voice repeating that in his voice all the time, now the God of Wisdom had to say it. What’s that even supposed to mean?
”There is a lot about time and space that scholars can’t even begin to fathom,” she continued, “and this is an example. I cannot reveal the entire explanation of this to you but, essentially, in modifying your Akasha terminal, you affected how the attempted dream harvesting worked on your mind. When the Sages attempted to put you in the Samsara for the Sabseruz Festival, as in, when we relived the same day again and again in a dream, it seems to have affected you differently.”
”But… I was in the desert at the time of the Festival. I thought I hadn’t been affected by the Samsara at all.”
”It seems that the Samsara still had some effect on your consciousness, and there was a physical impact on Irminsul. Your consciousness was transferred to a plane of existence where it does not belong.”
”I don’t understand,” Alhaitham interrupted. “I thought the Samsara was the cycle of a dream. Is this real life?”
”This is real life, yes, but not in the correct sense of the term for Kaveh. You and I are in what you would call real life,” Nahida replied.
”What?” Kaveh felt nauseated. “I’m sorry, L— Nahida, I don’t understand what is happening.”
”I don’t understand all the details either, I’ll have to investigate,” she answered, to his dismay. “Let me try to explain. The roots of Irminsul may sometimes be different branches of reality, in which different versions of time take place depending on different decisions individuals could have made. It seems that, somehow, Kaveh managed to move from one branch to another, which I have never seen happen before. So, he does not belong to this branch. Hence, the two of you have different memories.”
”And, much like the Samsara, this is happening in a loop?” Alhaitham asked. “So, next morning, he will awake in a different branch?”
”I would assume so.”
”And…” Alhaitham cleared his throat. “My Kaveh, as in, the one who belongs to this branch… Will he come back, then?”
There was a certain sweetness to the vulnerability in Alhaitham’s eyes, but it also brought a bitter taste to Kaveh’s mouth. Right. I’m not his Kaveh. The love and the concern and the glances were never for me. The ring wasn’t for me. It’s not me he loves.
”I am not sure,” Nahida sighed. “I have to investigate this further, to understand the mechanism of what is happening. For now, try to inform the least number of people of this.”
”In yesterday’s branch, we told Cyno and Tighnari, as well as a doctor in the Bimarstan.”
”Thank you for telling me. If I have further information, I will reach out to you.”
They left the Sanctuary with a sense of nausea and the threat of tears.