Chapter Text
Ben thought that he'd be seeing more of Darius. But the thing about it was that they actually began to see each other less and less. For one thing, when Darius comes home from his job, he goes straight into his room, staying in there for hours. He'd say he was tired, which was understandable, but he'd also hear strange, muffled noises, leaving him with more questions. One day, many of the pieces finally came together.
It was a Thursday morning when Darius came downstairs in more casual clothes, noticing Ben at the kitchen table with his shirt riding up his stomach, giving him a peek at the hair growing up his stomach, trailing down to …
He shook his head pushing away those thoughts. Nope! Nope, he wasn't going to do this again!
His stomach twisted in knots from these thoughts. There were some days he found it easy to be around Ben, but after moving in together, it got harder and harder. Long ago at som point, he'd come to terms that he was forming a growing crush on his friend. It was innocent really. His heart ached when there were days that he couldn't talk to him. And it came to a point where he was part of his nightly routine.
But then Ben moved in and it hit him….Ben was really hot. So much so he felt like he was going to burst. But it just left him with the uncomfortable shame anytime those feelings arose. They had been friends for Soo long and he didn't want to ruin it by making it awkward. As he has with people before in the past, he's made friends with people and gained crushes, and when those feelings become apparent, they pull away…
He walked it off and buried those feelings inside himself to keep things moving. He focused on what he did have when it came to relationships, the friends he's made along the way and so forth. He was used to rejection by now, for various reasons, he wasn't everyone's cup of tea, and it was fine. Never meant it didn't hurt even as his confidence got better.
After all, on occasion, old wounds opened and….he just found ways to numb them.
And even if Ben did reciprocate his feelings. It wasn't right for him to think of his friend this way. It was objectifying to do so; it was gross…Even if his pyjamas really weren't leaving much to the imagination. Showing off his sun-kissed skin on his toned stomach….
Not that he'd mind because if he was honest Ben really filled them out well.
REALLY REALLY WELL
He realised he'd been staring for a while when he looked up to see Ben staring right at him. “Oh, hey Ben, sorry if I'm distracting you! I was just about to head out and grab a few things from the store!” He'd say with a slight nervous chuckle as he shuffled to grab his jacket. Cursing himself internally as he cast his gaze to the floor.
His friend's eyes lit up at this, “ Oh so you're not going to work today? That's great! We can hang out when you get back?” Ben asked a little timidly, sounding a little unsure of himself. “We don't have to do much though, maybe just relax and watch a movie when you get back? I'm almost done with my assignments for today so I should be free when you get back.”
Darius smiled, liking the suggestion “Yeah, that would be nice,’’ he thought back to when he really, really hung out with Ben as he began to grab the last of his things before he headed out.
If he had to be honest, he wasn't super busy; he just didn't want to bother the guy. He'd made a compromise to get his degree fully online so Darius wouldn't have to move either way from his job. And at that point, he's been living on his own for so long, he just didn't bother changing his typical routine outside of just giving Ben his space to study undisturbed. It honestly would be great to just enjoy each other. “Hey, I'll grab us some snacks while I'm out. Feel free to text me any specifics!” he says, heading out the door.
“Sure see ya later!”
Sometimes, later, as he was just finishing up an assignment, the overall silence of the cabin really began to sink in. He was alone and Darius wouldn't be back for maybe 30 minutes or an hour from then.
After closing up his lab top and washing up his dirty dishes he went upstairs to go to his room when he noticed Darius's bedroom door ajar. He wanted to just close it but….it started setting in that he really hasn't seen the inside of Darius's room since living there
After opening the door the first thing he noticed was that for one thing. It was very clean and put together filled with snacks by his gaming table. Nearly everything was very organised. It did look like there was less nerdy dinosaur paraphernalia, like posters, and on the walls that he used to see back when they were younger. A few figurines still had their place in his shelves.
Everything looked fairly normal “Gosh, I guess I am really just being nosey, huh..”
Ben picks up the long blue, strangely shaped object with a confused frown. He examines it closely, turning it over in his hands. It feels cold to the touch and has an odd texture. Ben's eyes widen in shock as the object suddenly starts vibrating in his hands. He nearly drops it, his heart racing as he realises what it is. His face turns red with embarrassment and arousal as the toy continues to buzz loudly against his palm. "Holy shit…”
It wasn't super long, it was honestly a little bit more on the girthy side...it had a suction bottom with a pulsing, moving bulbous middle with movements that mimicked thrusting.
This belonged to Darius….
His roommate Darius
His best friend Darius!
Was this the reason he stayed in his room for so long? It looked so strange that he never thought that Darius would even be into this sort of thing. He tried... he really tried not to think about it, but it was consuming his thoughts. Ben swallows hard, dirty thoughts trickling into his mind, images of his friend in rather compromising positions.
He runs a hand through his hair, trying to compose himself."This… this is wrong I shouldn't even be here! He asked me not to go into his room unless he asks me to, and look where I am in his room, looking through his things, and this is what I found!”
Ben's eyes go back to the vibrator, his cheeks burning as he takes in its design. The pulsing middle and suction bottom are clearly designed for...pleasure. He swallows hard again, his mind racing with questions about Darius's private life. Slowly, he reaches out to grab it again.
It was still weird thinking why Darius needed this….it was fake it wasn't real. It was mechanical and rubbery cold….why would he need this if he…
He didn't hear the front door open or his name being called
But when suddenly he hears the floor creak by the door and looks up to see Darius frozen in the doorway, his eyes widening as he takes in the scene. Ben's blood runs cold.
There stood Darius, his face unreadable, but Ben could sense there was something horrible behind those eyes. His gaze shot down to see Darius immediately drop the bag of groceries he was holding, the contents spilled onto the floor with a clatter.
Now, getting to Darius, his mind was racing, trying to process what he was seeing. Ben was in his room, touching his- oh God…no, it was horrible. He saw it and he knows he touched it to its not even where he left it."Ben....what are you doing?” Darius asked shakily, stepping into the room circling around his friend.
Ben's face turns even redder, if that was possible. “I ... .uh Darius wait!”He quickly tosses the vibrator down on the bed, his hands shaking slightly. He looks at Darius, trying to find the right words to explain the situation without making it worse. "I... Well… dude I can explain.”
Darius groans not wanting to hear this; he just wanted this to go away and disappear. It was too much…. he'd forgive Ben later he just couldn't stand feeling like this. The embarrassment, the shame it was all choking him.
He lets out a sigh of defeat, shaking his head, tossing his jacket on the bed. "You know what? Forget it. Just forget it." He suddenly deflates, running a hand through his hair in frustration as other emotions drain out of him, leaving only exhaustion and something that strangely felt like...hurt."Just...get out of my room…please?” He begs softly.
“Darius….please I'm sorry…”
“Get the fuck out Ben!” Darius snapped instantly regretting losing his composure after seeing how hurt Ben looked. “Just please I don't wanna have this-”
Ben's eyes widen at Darius's sudden change in demeanour. He holds up his hands in a placating gesture, trying to calm the situation as he takes a step back to distance himself from his friend. "Darius, wait. I wasn't—" He takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words.
"Look, I know what I did is wrong, like really wrong, but I've just been feeling like you've been shutting me out. D. I mean, every time you get home, you spend hours in your room and then when you leave, the day is practically over, and we don't do anything really…..I thought maybe you were hiding something from me and wanted to figure it out.”
Darius’s face twisted in confusion and frustration for a moment. Ben sees his expression soften slightly at his words, but his arms cross over his chest defensively. The anger is still there, simmering back beneath the surface.
"And what does that have to do with you playing with my things in my room? I've asked you just to respect my boundaries and leave my room alone. It's the only thing I don't really want to share and just be and you broke that promise, so what excuse is there for that, huh?? " Ben could see tears brimming in Darius's eyes as he took a step closer to Ben, “Answer me that,” he pressed.
Ben takes a step back as Darius steps closer, he swallows hard, his mouth suddenly dry. "I...don't know, here really isn't, and I'm sorry, Darius, I really am. I just saw it and one thing led to another...why do you even have something like this?”
Darius cocked his head, taken aback by that question,” What, why do you even need to know?
Ben groans in frustration, trying hard to keep eye contact with Darius, but it was too much. Looking into his eyes felt like he was looking into the sun, his friend's once warm gaze now felt unbearably hot. “Because I'm jealous alright?! You spend all your time up here for hours we barely hang out. And you'd rather use something like that when I'm right here!” Ben blurted out.
Darius freezes, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he uncrosses his arms completely, his eyes darting about trying to make sure if everything was real and if he was truly in his own reality. His mind was having the hardest time processing what Ben just offered. “I- uh…okay,” he chuckles nervously "Ben....Can't you be serious? Because I don't think you know what you're suggesting....”
For Ben, it was sinking in that he had just said it was crazy what he was offering. His body for his friend's own pleasure there wasn't a logical explanation for something like that!?
But deep down he really knew he meant what he said. He'd do just about anything for Darius, not that he advertised it, but Ben knew he would. If Darius had asked him to do it himself, he would've agreed, no questions asked. Maybe it was because he was so used to following his lead he just started to have a form of loyalty that led him to act this way.
He nods slowly, his jaw clenched with a nervous grin, his hands fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Yeah... I mean, if that's what you need, then yeah, I can help you... I mean, we're best friends, right? Friends do stuff for each other…”
Darius could do was stand there stunned as his mind reels as it really sinks in what his best friend is genuinely offering himself up to be his…fuck buddy??
He never really liked to broadcast things like this or openly share things like this casually. Not that he was a prude far from it….he just had complicated feelings when it came to his sexuality as it was. And found himself in less than comfortable situations because of it.
Much like this current one ….
And it had to be with his friend.
One of his best friends.
The one with whom he already had a struggling relationship as it was. But if they did this it could ruin Soo many things between them. He'd break this guy with the things he's into, it would just make it all worse. "Oh gosh...Ben, I'm not really sure you could...give someone like me what I need.”
Ben's eyebrows furrow as he processes Darius's response. He steps closer, his voice gaining confidence despite his nerves. "What do you mean? You think I can't handle it? Darius, I'm a guy. I know how guys work... better than that dildo ever could."
"No...that's not what I mean." He responds quickly, his voice strained as he tries to maintain some semblance of control over his emotions. "It's just...I'm kinda into some...hardcore stuff and I don't think you'd be into that....it's a little more than just sexual for me, it's a little mental and emotional, and this is just my way of working things out.”
Ben pauses as it sets in what Darius is trying to say “OH …” he nods “Okay, so you're into BDSM? That's not so bad.” he snorts
That simple response was enough to make Darius do a double-take, “What do you mean??”
Ben shrugged, scratching his head. “ I mean, don't get me wrong, here are things that are a no-go for me, but I think I can be flexible…. So what are the things you…you know??”hevasked not knowing the best way to put it.
Darius grimaced looking even more unsure.
“I mean I'm not judging !” He reassures, “It's just as long as we've known each other, you've always seemed pretty put together, confident and self-assured.”
Darius groans feeling himself put back on the spot again. “ It's complicated, I'm human, you know I have good days and bad, and my life isn't exactly perfect… There are things about myself that I.... he stops himself before continuing, focusing on something different. “ Sometimes I have these fantasies about things like being dominated, or experiencing pain, I mean, I have a pretty high tolerance for it, so for me it's fine…But I don't know, I've just started feeling like I need it because it feels like a release. It makes me feel better about things because I get to choose how it happens and who gets to do it…”
He grimaces at the thought. “ Becoming friends with you and the others made my life a lot better and I really liked feeling accepted. But there were still moments where I still just felt rejected as a whole and I guess I've just got into the habit of pushing it down and pretending it's just not there.”
“Darius I-” Ben starts, but he didn't know exactly what to do, so he moved in a little closer in case his friend wanted a hug. “Hey, that's why I wanna be here for you, so you don't feel the need to do that, okay? So uh…” Ben clears his throat if we were to do things, how would you want me to do them exactly?”
“Okay….,” Darius starts “, Well, let's just say I also like the feeling of not being in charge sometimes when I'm just alone …” he explains, still feeling awkward about this. “I fantasise about there being someone taking control for once and being the one who follows. I feel like there's a weight lifted when I don't have to be strong or put together and know what to do and be vulnerable…I don't know the idea of there being someone who accepts me completely and cares for me just in thought makes me feel nice.”
“So well I'd be fine with you doing whatever you want to me, honestly ....like I said, I have a pretty high pain tolerance, and as long as it's not super brutal or leaves anything permanent, I'm fine.” Darius snorts at the thought, “ though I know a little too well to know you wouldn't hurt me, I guess that's why I'm willing to trust you with this,” he says, flashing Ben a nervous smile as a bit of reassurance. He could see his friend's nervous posture. Ben was never great at hiding his feelings and Darius could see many thoughts whirling through his brain.
“You okay there Ben…?” He asked
Ben nods, looking back up at Darius, “Y-yeah! Uh-so…I'm getting what you're saying, you like me to dominate you..?” Ben asked, his voice croaking slightly.
“Yes…if it doesn't scare you…” Darius says with an unsure look. “ If you wanna back out, that's fine with me. I know it's a lot to ask, I don't wanna take you out of your comfort zone.
Pulling away a bit, Ben takes a deep breath. He wants to do this for his friend, but he holds his own worries. He's had his own fantasies over the years all with Darius in them. Yearning to just kiss him and hold him and just be enveloped by his body and attention. Looking down at Darius seeing all the trust and vulnerability in his eyes. He felt weak Darius really didn't know the power he held over him.
“No, no, I can work with this…” Ben says with a sigh, he lets himself relax “ Okay, so I was to do this thing for you. Would you promise to always tell me if I've taken something too far? I really really don't want to hurt you in any serious way. Or push you past any limits mentally or physically.”
“Yeah, no problem. I'm not a pushover, I'm just into masochism….” Darius chuckled, mumbling the last part.
“Great!” Ben chuckles with a slight tone of nervousness in his tone “So what would you want me to do first?”
Darius lets out a sigh, realising they weren't fully out of the awkward stage “Woooow..” he feels his cheeks grow warm at the thought, “Well uh, haha…I like a lot of things, honestly…maybe start with grabbing me and pinning me down?
Pressing his lips together, he felt his palms grow sweaty and his neck tensed at the thought. “Okay, how would you want me to do that?” Ben croaks, moving in close, looking down at his hands, not sure what to do with them.
“Oh uh ….Ben,” Darius gulped, taking in Ben's size as he moved in. Their height difference wasn't super huge, but the fact that he had to look up at him was still something for him to get used to, even after a couple of years. And now it suddenly made him feel really small. He could feel his own heart thudding against his ribs. It gave him a funny feeling in his gut he couldn't describe. Part of it felt like anticipation, arousal while the other half felt fear
It felt like walls were moving in on him and he couldn't breathe. His stomach felt like it was in knots under Ben's gaze. There was a feeling of expectation even though this was supposed to be for him. He found his feet moving back till the back of his legs pressed against his bed. “On second thought, why don't we just let some things come naturally and work on it from there…?”
Seeing Darius shrink away, he takes this as a cue to stop an uncomfortable feeling forming in his stomach, “Hey, it's okay, you're right. We were moving pretty fast weren't we? ” Ben backs off looking back over the bags Darius had dropped earlier.
"Oh yeah.." Darius sighs remembering he had put up the groceries. He shifts uncomfortably, wondering what Ben is thinking "We should probably pick that stuff up...what movie do you wanna watch by the way?” He asks quietly, trying to sound casual despite how awkward
Ben forces out a weak chuckle , his mind drawing back to reality as the sexual tension in the room begins to dissipate. He could see that Darius wasn't ready to just jump in, and honestly, he wasn't ready either, even if he wanted to, and he wanted Soo badly ....But Darius meant more to him than that.
For years they'd used to spend nights as kids on calls that went past their bedtime just so he would be the last voice Darius heard before falling asleep. He remembered how his heart swelled knowing he could hear Darius's smile on the other end. I wanted nothing more than to just be in the same room with him. That was always enough for him then and it still was now. "You know what Dare? Let's get that stuff put away first. Then we can pick a movie...something funny, I think that's kinda what we need right now?" He pauses, his eyes meeting Darius's.
*Yeah sure...uh could you take care of those I'll be down in a bit...I just gotta..." he trails off, pointing to the bathroom. Ben nods with an awkward smile, taking the hint, and grabs everything in one go before leaving.
He smiles softly at his friend before disappearing downstairs. Once he is gone, he closes his bedroom door, leans against it, and groans. "Stupid stupid stupid..." He whispers to himself. He had almost slept with his best friend. He unzips his pants and lets them pool around his ankles. He steps out of them and walks over to a nearby drawer, rummaging through it till he finds something. Images of Ben running through his head as he gripped the item in his hand, running a hand through his locs. "God...im being stupid...." he groans as he lies back on his bed, uncapping a bottle of lube, pouring it on his fingers.
"Ben..." he whispers his name like a prayer as he pushes two fingers inside himself trying to imagine what it would feel like with Ben instead. “Oh…oh God Ben…”His hushed whispers slowly turned into urgent whimpers as he thrust and scissored inside himself feverishly yearning for something more.
To feel Ben's body flushed against him
To feel the weight of the other's body in him as he used him. Out of frustration, he grabs his favourite toy, a realistic-looking dildo with a suction cup base. He spreads his legs wider and presses the toy against his hole, teasingly rubbing it against his entrance before plunging it in.
He starts to thrust the toy in and out of himself, using his other hand to play with his hard dick. He imagines Ben's thick cock replacing the toy, fucking him open. "Ben," he moans softly, his hips bucking up to meet the toy. "O-ohh fuck- Ben…” he chokes out, feeling utterly pathetic. If Ben walked at this moment to see him like this, he'd simply died. There he was, lying out, legs spread, moaning, repeating his friend's name, giving such a desperate, wanton display.
Deep down in his heart of hearts he wanted Ben to walk back in. Say he forgot something….wanted him soo badly. He starts at a gradual pace moving the toy in and out of himself slowly, experimenting with the angle and speed. Gritting his teeth he imagines it cleaning at his own sheets as the older male slammed his body into him. Pushing the toy deeper and faster into his hole.
He whimpers weakly " Oh God Ben….I feel Soo dirty thinking about you this way I can't help it. I wish you'd just fuck me…fuck me until I'm sore and I can't walk straight…anyway you want it, you can do what you want to me. He whimpers pounding away at a punishing rhythm that felt sadistically good, hitting his prostate with each thrust.
He reaches down to grab his weeping cock and start stroking it in time with the toy's movement. "Ohh...nngh…” he'd stay there for another couple of minutes until he was done. Taking a few minutes to clean himself up and wash away the embarrassment before heading downstairs to find a surprising sight.