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‘Look to the western sky’.
Those were the words Elphaba had bellowed to the guards as she soared above all of them. Voice harsh and fierce, the first moment when the shackles life had placed on her were broken. When she wasn’t weighed down by anything, even gravity, any longer. She defied physics, expectations, even her own fantasies when she soared through the air that day. Where she flew with power, with the purpose of something bigger than all of them. Glinda always knew Elphaba was the strongest person she had ever met, a force to be reckoned with, but she had decided to show them all.
The cold air of the Emerald City brushed honey spun hair gently as it blew, the burn of the low temperature did nothing to thwart the roaring fire of Glinda’s inner turmoil. She was lost to the world, gazing only out into the sky, the iron of the balcony being her only friend as it dug into her delicate skin. The grip she held was unrelenting, harsh and honesty- stupid. The burn of the iron would not make her feel better, it wouldn’t replace the aching hole in her chest that she let bleed freely. No- nothing could, not really. Someone could, maybe a figure of green and black, that had the sweetest smile Glinda had ever seen. Maybe she could cease the bleeding, could soak up the red and tie the severed arteries.
But that wasn’t possible, for that girl was gone. Had Settled into a pile of long worn robes and a single pointed hat. Glinda’s ear still rang with the echoes of thunderous and dying screams.
Sometimes, she believed she could still smell the woody scent of smoke that had curled up into the castle's air, that had billowed from remains of the witch, on the ends of her hair, clinging to the strands as she clung to the late-woman’s boots. A fleeting scent she should hate or gag at, but any reminder, any tether to Elphaba only felt like a reprieve. Felt like a single moment where she could fall back into nicer memories.
Laughter on her dorm room bed as they exchanged blows to each other, the small twist in Green lips when she tried to hold back a crooked smile after insulting Glinda’s heels, that even she could admit had a bit too much glitter. She remembered when the other girl had pointed out a trail of pink sparkles she had left from class all the way to the dorm- laughing through each syllable.
It wasn’t fair.
Nothing was funny anymore.
This girl who had solely fought for the peace and happiness of all Ozians was celebrated for dying, for melting into nothing at the hands of a stranger- a child no less. Cheers still echoed in the streets of Oz months later, harsh and biting at Glinda’s ears. Children parading with crudely drawn caricatures of her closest friend in their grubby little hands.
So, here she was, staring up into the western sky in the small hours of the morning, hoping, begging to see something- anything.
Just a flicker of hope, something to keep her going, to help her hold out just that longer.
Nothing, just the darkness of the vast sky stared back at her, mocking and cruel. She felt the very moon laugh at her wishes.
Elphaba Thropp, was gone- dead. She was no longer.
Glinda never did heed her warnings, for wishing only does wound the heart. This ache of reality carved its path into her, pulling and prying at her softest parts, that soft underbelly of love that she couldn’t put out. Torn apart by grief, mutilated by self hatred and isolation.
Oh by why does it even matter. Every day was suffering, she had always been told time heals all wounds but it just seemed to worsen her pain, just seemed to cut her deeper each waking moment she lived through without her other half. She was not being healed, she was being tormented by what once was.
And it seemed, even through getting what she believed she most desired- the crown, the wand, the love; it still wasn’t enough. Even as the crowds screamed her name till their throats went raw, she felt nothing; wanted nothing, enjoyed- nothing. It was all meaningless now, small and worthless; exactly how she felt.
The tears that fell from her eyes fell freely, unrestrained and intending. Cooling quickly against her pale cheeks in the night air. She had no reason to wipe them from her face, and no other hand would come and softly do it for her.
Shaking hands lifted and gently plucked the crown from her hair, pulling the pins that held it securely in place loose until they tumbled and hit the floor with a small ding. She clutched at the crown and ripped it from her head, not even flinching when it pulled at the soft strands of her hair. Holding the cool metal between her hands as she looked down at it. This object that symbolised everything- head of the state, of the country- princess to the people.
She let it tumble somewhere off to the side, hearing as it clanged and fell quickly. It was as if she wasn’t there, staring but not seeing, eyes that usually broadcast every emotion she felt were blank and dull. She had been different in the months after, light and graceful In front of the people; but something took over her when she returned to the cold halls of the emerald palace. Her steps were slow and wobbly, that perfect smile that she held so perfectly was whipped from her face and the twist of sadness instead replaced it. The guards would all converse about how she wouldn’t speak, wouldn’t eat; how some of them didn’t even think she noticed when they spoke to her. Brown eyes just stared, unrelenting in their gaze at nothingness. They all spoke when they thought she wasn’t listening of course. But she was, she always was. A small hope that maybe they would secretly talk about sightings of that beautiful green skin, or if someone had heard that witch-like cackle the girl loved to perform.
Instead she was just reminded of how small she had become, how people didn’t look at her with awe anymore, but now, worry and concern. Like she was a prized life of China about to shatter. Even if she did feel like shattering.
What was worse was, she couldn’t even bring herself to care. Years ago she would have been horrified to find people thought her appearance was worrying. Now she enjoyed it almost all most, the thought that her torment had become physical in its wake. That was she couldn’t blame it on her own mind, not when her body reflected the anguish too.
Glinda became a shell of herself, purple grew steadily in the bags of her usually bright eyes, her once smooth and supple skin became pale and blemished, random bruising appearing from where she had been pinching herself during her own stupor.
Maybe that was why her hands didn’t shake when she stepped out of Elphaba's boots, and placed them securely behind her. She’d been wearing them non stop since that day, her closest tether to the girl, clothing that swept her away in dreams of what could have been.
Maybe that’s why she didn’t shudder when her foot found purchase in the metal of the balcony, or when she pushed herself up and placed her other foot to mirror it.
Though her heart did thrash the fastest it ever had when she looked down into the dark abyss below, into the streets of emerald city where she could still see the faint outline of low glowing street lights.
The iron grip she had released, and she stood, fully up and tethering on the edge of the balcony. Staring down into the collection of stone and brick that would soon become her resting place, that would soon be splattered by red and pink.
You’ll get to be with her this way.
The thought made her heart unclench, made her first unfurl and let her suck in a long overdue breath. Made the fierce wobble of her knees that she was trying to expel cease and become steady. The oxygen burned as it travelled down her throat, it tasted of freedom and hope. She smelt the soft scent of poppies and books glided through the air as she stepped forward- for the final time, arms lifting to come out, like a swan in dance. Perhaps, it was Elphaba's way of letting her know it’s okay- from the other side.
The wind whipped at her face as she fell, it didn’t try to keep her floating, it dragged her down with a vengeance. Because this is what she deserved, no comforting hand holding her and whispering sweetness in her ear. Just the cold and harsh reality that this was the end.
The tulle of her dress billowed in the fall, like cotton candy floating in a warm summer breeze. The blonde of her hair was pushed back out of her face, it let her see everything before her. The array of greens in the city, the pretty lights of every other life that was continuing while hers was ending, the smell of the morning dew that had begun to settle on the grass.
She closed her eyes, she didn’t want to see the end, even if she wasn’t scared.
Just as the lights became brighter, even from behind her eyelids and she knew the ground was coming up to meet her- everything stopped.
A harsh force ripped into her arm, pulling and tugging at her until she could do nothing but let out a vicious scream. She felt a hideous pop in her shoulder that made her body ripple with shivers. Then darkness overtook her.
Glinda blinked open her eyes slowly, darkness still surrounded her and she was still dressed in pink ruffles and only the pink socks she wore beneath Elphaba's boots.
She was back on that balcony, the same one where Elphaba had left her for the first time. Sitting on the cold marble of the floor.
Her shoulder throbbed with a pain unlike anything she had ever felt. Harsh, thick and fast.
Suddenly there was a voice talking softly but urgently into the curve of her ear. The person's warm breath grazing her ear and making goosebumps erupt across her skin.
That voice was so very similar. That cadence of knowledge and care, the same voice of the one person Glinda knew it could never be. Because that woman was gone, dead and cold, on the other side of whatever came next.
Hands pressed against her aching shoulder, firm in their grip- but not painful. With a crunch, Glinda felt as her bone was pushed back into place.
The pain of it made Glinda clench her jaw so tightly she feared her teeth would crack under the pressure. Her mind blanked of any thoughts of green girls and soft voices- lost to the pain.
Luckily, the searing faded into a slow ebb and she remembered to breathe again. Soft hands rubbed at her bare shoulder where her dress didn’t cover.
It hit here then, when she finally broke through the haze of the suddenness. She was supposed to be falling, she was supposed to be making her grand exit and meeting with the person who haunted her dreams and every single waking hour.
Someone had taken that from her. Someone who was kneeling right behind her.
Glinda thoughts were irrational, she didn’t stop to think that only one person had to the power to fly through the air and pluck her from gravity, only one woman had the talent to sooth her in the right ways, who knew which tone to speak soft comforts in her ear, or gently stroke the angle of her shoulder.
She was lost to her anger, furious at the disruption of her wants- her need for it all to stop.
Blonde hair whipped round with the speed she snapped her head towards this stranger. Outrage burned on her tongue as she went to speak, it replaced the taste of hope that had once settled over her teeth.
A stutter was all that fell from pink, strawberry glossed lips. No- that couldn't be possible-
Terrified forest green eyes bored into hers, a tremble played at the women’s eyebrows as they were drawn into a horrified expression.
Please.
“You- what- I don’t,” a tremor racked through her hand as she lifted it, hesitant and scared, pushing forward slowly until ivory met emerald. A soft stroke of the woman’s cheek, the warmth seeped into Glinda’s skin, penetrated into her heart and made it squeeze with something she couldn’t name. She doesn’t know when the tears on her face began, but she only knew that they had begun to steadily soak the silk of her dress, dripping into gentle splats of darkness against the brightness of the pink.
Breath caught softly in the back of her throat, she choked on the thought that she was seeing the person she loved once again, even if maybe this was some sort of dream during death. Maybe the last synapses that were firing as she lay bent and broken on the bright created this image for her. A final moment of peace before it was all over, a reprieve from the torment, the last light before darkness.
Her hand grasped at Elphaba's cheek fully, holding her as if she was something precious, something sacred that would break if she dared grip too hard. The steady run of her thumb over the girl's cheek bone was all she could focus on.
Screw that. Shifting so her other arm wrapped quickly behind the back of the girl's head, despite the pain that flared with each movement of her other arm, threading pink nails through the soft braids- she pulled, harsh and unrelenting. Sending the girl tumbling into an unshakable hold.
Glinda curled into her, pressing her face deep into the woman’s shoulder, breathing in the soft scent of the forest that now lingered on her, long gone was the scent of books she once held. They were older now, and neither of them got the luxury of spending hours wandering around the vast library of Shiz.
She clawed at the green girl's back, holding her against her as if she was suddenly going to turn into a wave of bubbles and float away.
“Glinda. I’m- I’m so sorry I- are you alright? I caught you wrong- I panicked-“ Elphabas grip was a mirror, Glinda felt that same fence, right hold against her own frame as Elphaba ticked her face into the softness of Glinda’s golden hair.
The words were lost to the blonde, she was still stuck in her own head, her own twisted delusion of reality.
“D-Did I do it? Finally. I get to see you again.” The broken words were forced out from a trembling mouth, sobs had started to rack her small frame, shaking her entire body with their force, with the force of a love that could never be snuffed out.
“G-Glinda- what- what do you mean do it?” Elphaba choked out the words from a throat that was inhumanly tight, constricted by emotions she was desperate not to drown in. “You fell didn’t you? I-i caught you.”
“Oh, Elphie. I couldn’t bear it anymore, being here, alone. With- without you.”
Elphaba nearly gagged as realisation dawned upon her, couldn’t bear it, no- she wouldn’t- she would never.
But she had.
Elphaba had always thought herself a strong person, withstanding anything the word forced her to go through and never letting it break her. But this, those words coming from the girl she thought she had left for the better- shattered something within her. Shattered something that could never be put back together, each word a shard more that splintered into her skin.
The words were like glass upon her skin, each new syllable of conviction, of what they implied pierced her flesh and left her freely bleeding, no force in the world could sow her back together.
Glinda whimpered as Elphaba pulled back, the warmth she was soaking in gone and left her vulnerable to the cold of the night to seep back into her skin.
Elphaba was frantic as she stared at Glinda, mind twisting into violent scenarios that made bile rise in her throat.
Glinda sighed something soft when she felt the warm hands of Elphaba cling into her face and make her meet the terrified expression that bored into her.
“No- tell me you didn’t- you fell right? Tripped or something- anything. Just tell me you didn’t actually jump, please.”
Confusion bloomed over Glinda’s features, a twist in her pink lips, the upturn of her sharp eyebrows, and the questioning look that swam in her eyes that usually made Elphaba smile made her heave.
Glinda lifted a palm so it covered her friends, holding it tightly on her face as she opened her mouth, “But Elphie, that's how we’re together now, right? I’m not- I died. Now we’re reunited. It’s okay.”
Elphaba cried in a way Glinda had never seen her, in a way she didn’t even know the other girl could. Loud sobs shuddered over her as she almost wailed, a river of tears trailed down her skin, twisting and intertwining down the contours of her face. Linda watched as a tear ran down the length of her nose and fell from the tip. Heard the low splat when it hit Elphaba’s coat skirts, sliding down the hydrophobic leather.
Elphaba curled in on herself for a single second until she pulled Glinda back into her space.
With tears still streaking her face and the worst pain she had ever felt hammering through her heart, Elphaba pulled Glinda against her, in the same way she had dreamed of for so long.
Green met soft pink, as Elphaba kissed her. Pouring every feeling she could never say properly into the kiss. Hoping, praying that Glinda felt even a fraction of what she was trying to show her.
Glinda felt as the wetness of Elphaba's cheeks met her own, as the salt and water mixed between them. As Elphaba poured her heart out to Glidna through a single kiss.
Elphaba tasted of salt and sorrow, but Glinda burned with love anyways, she pulled Elphaba deeper into her as she kissed her, over and over and over.
Feeling as Elphaba breathed into her, as in a way, they became one- as she felt the sorrow Elphaba was suffering through.
It dawned on Glinda then, that this wasn’t a fantasy of her last dying moments, this wasn’t the afterlife she was theorising. No- this was Elphaba, solid and real as ever.
Alive.
Holding her, kissing her, saving her from a stupid decision.
The knowledge only made her kiss Elphaba harder, hold her tighter, and breathe her in. To memorise every single detail she could store. The softness of her lips, the way the curve of her jaw felt in Glinda’s hand, the scent of forest and lavender that poured from her.
They were pressed so tightly that Glinda could feel the terrible thrashing of Elphaba's heartbeat, thudding into her own chest. Fast and strong, living and breathing.
Glinda pulled away with a gasp, breathless and flushed, trembling in the aftermath of pain, realisation and something that made her knees wobble. Love, conviction, passion.
All of it blended into one powerful feeling that overwhelmed her. Longing.
“You’re alive. You’re real?” Gasped out of her still kiss swollen lips, the question hung in the air softly. Broken when Elphaba gently grabbed her palm and pulled it against her chest, holding her own hand over hers. Until Glinda could once again feel the harsh pound of her beating heart, a final confirmation that this was real, she was here, holding her- loving her.
“I’m here, my sweet. I’m real,” whispered Elphaba, still cradling Glinda’s hand between her own and her chest, “I’m never leaving you alone again. I promise.”
Elphaba pulled the blondes palm up to her lips and left a soft kiss against the warm skin she found there. Tears carved paths down her cheeks as she let a smile dance upon her lips.
A kiss that spoke of promise.
A promise that Elphaba would never break again.