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Zanka loved attention.
Well, more accurately, he loved being recognized and praised for his efforts, which is still a kind of attention in a sense. He loved it when people saw him and thought he was cool, he enjoyed giving his two cents on topics, he loved it whenever Enjin praised him to others and he heard of it through the grapevine.
So yeah, he liked attention.
He learned at a very young age, though, that there was a difference between good attention and bad attention. The line between them has always been visible and obvious to him, knowing which one to stray away from and to which he should venture towards.
Except right now, Zanka is not sure whether the attention he was receiving was good or bad.
Riyo has been on the floor for a good five minutes laughing at him, bad attention.
Tomme had put a hand over her chest and threw him a proud thumbs up, good attention?
Rudo patted his knee and gave him a pitying look, unnecessary. Also bad attention.
Amo was staring at him enviously, probably good attention but it was probably because Rudo patted his knee so it may not be attention towards him at all.
The passing by wolf whistles are the final breaking point and now he's glaring at every passerby, attention be damned. There was no way these clowns would be giving him any good attention. Not for the situation he was in anyway.
The "situation" as mentioned, came in the form of lighter blonde hair and bright green eyes. Namely, Fu Orostor.
Zanka wasn't particularly close to Fu, only having acknowledged him as part of the team very recently. He knew Fu was meek but he wasn't a coward. He knew Fu was mentally weak but physically strong. He especially knew Fu was lonely.
He had found the boy alone in the garden one night, legs to his chest as he muttered something rapidly. Zanka had hid behind a pillar, trying to listen in but failed to make out anything coherent. He had gotten closer, thrown Fu into a panic, and ultimately offered his companionship to him.
That had been the start of their sort-of-friendship. Zanka always sought Fu out, knowing full well Fu would never go out of his way to do so, convinced that he'd be bothering Zanka's "precious time." It was never difficult to find Fu. The headquarters wasn't big and Fu was always in the garden on the same bench. Maybe waiting for Zanka.
He didn't linger on that possibility.
It was this very routine that Zanka has grown to slightly enjoy that fucked him over.
He had been unable to sleep and had decided to step out for a stroll, Lovely Assistaff in hand.
He stepped into the garden and had been surprised, if not pleased to see Fu sitting at their usual bench.
He walked closer, making his footsteps louder on purpose so that Fu would notice him instead of being scared out of his skin again.
Fu looked over at him and grinned, like he was happy to see Zanka.
Zanka greeted back with a nod and had taken a seat next to the boy before speaking up.
"Couldn't hug your doll to sleep?"
Having learned to take his quips as jokes instead of insults, Fu laughed a little it, cheeks pink from the cold. The Ground has always been cold, but at nights it was almost impossibly so.
"I actually couldn't for some reason...I don't know."
Zanka raised an eyebrow at the admittance that he did hug his doll a.k.a vital instrument and had to tamper down and irrational and inexplicable annoyance he felt over it. He simply hummed in response and let the conversation fall into silence.
It was one thing Zanka enjoyed about Fu, the silence never felt tense or out of place. It was comfortable. Relaxing.
Even for Fu, Zanka realized when he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder.
He glanced down and was hit by the sight of Fu asleep. On his shoulder. With his eyes closed. On his shoulder.
Oh God.
He doesn't process it, he can't between the lack of sleep he's gotten and the utter shock in his system Zanka doesn't process a single thing that was happening. All he knows is that he hasn't moved an inch and the sun has risen before he even realized.
Which brought him to now. With the laughter and the looks and the pressure that was still ever-present on his shoulder. Zanka didn't know what to do.
He had three choices now; gently wake Fu up, push him off, or wait for him to wake up on his own.
He considers the three choices with the seriousness of a judge and glances down as he does so.
When Fu is awake he is a coiled ball of nervousness. He's jittery, high alert, like a prey animal dropped into a forest. There's none of that right now as he sleeps. His breathing is calm, in a steady rhythm. His eyes don't shake and stay close, his lips not pressed or pulled into panicked expressions. He was at peace, and he looked beautiful when he was peaceful.
Within seconds Zanka dashes out option 1 and 2. He ignores the surrounding laughter, lesser than before as people began to realize he wasn't going to do anything about it.
Zanka barely breathes as he sits there, afraid that too deep of a breath may cause his shoulders to rise and ultimately drop Fu. He stays as still as a stone statue, accepting the numbness in his legs and spreading through the rest of his body. This was just like meditation, except for the fact that there was a boy asleep on his shoulder. One whose comfort Zanka was prioritizing over all else.
He watches Fu sleep, almost hypnotized by the sight. He thinks about his own thoughts, his decision to let Fu stay, his choice to not push him away, his enjoyment of it. He ponders and theorizes his own feelings, barely grazing the conclusion. He doesn't dare to.
But it's fine, he decides for himself. It wasn't important right now, when they had bigger fish to fry like the Raiders, the upcoming events, and Rudo as a whole. Maybe after all that, once they've gotten a semblance of peace, Zanka actually feels pride again and Fu feels true comfort, he will address all these feelings.
With such decisions, he slowly lays his head on top of Fu's. There's no one around them anymore but it's still nerve-wracking. He tries to quieten his heart, swallowing the air stuck in his throat. Fu's hair is soft, and Zanka feels as though they fit perfectly together.
When they wake up it will be awkward. Fu's embarrassment will inevitably fluster Zanka and they are going to stutter and apologize their ways away from each other.
But right now, in the silence of the empty courtyard, they were calm. They were at peace, comfortable, and something much more hopeful.
And basking in this comfort, Zanka closes his eyes and falls asleep.