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The first stop was Camp Lehigh where he took more Pym particles in case anything went wrong.
Then he went to Vormir to return the soul stone.
Steve wished he’d asked Clint more about what had happened there and gotten something beyond a weird man in a cloak. Maybe then seeing Shmidt’s face would not make his blood boil as much as it did.
He was angry and he wanted to punch him in the face for all the suffering and misery he had caused but he stopped himself. There was something more important that he needed to do.
Steve clenched his jaw but put down Mjolnir, then opened the briefcase, revealing the six stones that flickered with immeasurable power. Schmidt's lifeless eyes flickered too at the sight. Steve put on a glove and grabbed the soul stone, then outstretched his hand towards Schmidt.
Schmidt reached for the stone but Steve closed his fist before he could take it. “A soul for a soul.” Steve said firmly, looking Schmidt straight in the eye. “If I understand correctly.”
It wasn’t easy to read emotions from Schmidt’s face after what he had done with it but a spark of curiosity got Steve’s attention. “Yes. That is the transaction.” He said, his hand falling to his side. “And who is it that you want to bring back, Captain?” He tilted his head to the side, eyes settling on Steve. “Do you want to bring back Tony Stark?”
Steve felt his heart tremble. He hadn’t told anyone about his plans, only Bucky. He’d already heard the endless litany of warnings, the does and don’ts. All the risks of messing with time or changing the past, even if their own timeline would stay unharmed. He didn’t want to give them hope in case it didn’t work out. “Natasha sacrificed herself for this.” He said, proud of himself for keeping his voice from shaking. “Bring her back.”
There was no room for argument in the tone of his voice, he kept it firm. Even though he had no idea of what he was asking for was even possible.
Schmidt, infuriatingly, stayed silent for a couple of seconds, hollow eyes looking at Steve like he was trying to look right into Steve’s soul. And who knew, maybe he could. “How noble of you, Captain.”
Steve clenched his jaw, shifting on his feet. There wasn’t anything noble about it. Natasha deserved to be back, yes. Steve also missed one of his best friends terribly and if he couldn’t get her back, then he didn’t know if he could go back at all. “Will you bring her back or not?” Steve asked sharply.
His heart was beating fast but he tried to control his breathing while he was waiting for the verdict. Schmidt said nothing but he reached his hand towards Steve, palm up, and wiggled his fingers, a sinister smile crossing his awful face.
And Steve found himself facing another impossible choice. Only it wasn’t much of a choice. What else could he do but place the stone on Schmidt’s hand and hope that his best friend would miraculously come back to life? Schmidt hadn’t even told him that it was possible. Still, Steve gave in, trusting that there was no other way but to trust, not Schmidt, but the universe that it had any mercy on him.
The moment the soul stone touched Schmidt’s hand, it disappeared and his face fell, as though he expected something else to happen. Then it occurred to Steve that perhaps Schmidt didn’t know if it would bring Natasha back either, and his face fell too, grief replacing the newfound hope in an instant.
“What happened? What are you doing here, Steve?”
Steve’s head snapped back and his heart dropped to his stomach, and he almost fell to his knees in relief. Natasha stood behind him, looking exactly the same as when he saw her last. She looked mildly confused, gaze traveling across the cliff, probably looking for Clint.
He didn’t have words for what he felt in that moment so Steve rushed forward and wrapped her in his arms. “It worked.” He said into her hair, squeezing his eyes shut. “We brought everyone back.”
She was silent for a longer moment, arms wrapping around Steve in return. “Is everyone okay?”
Steve’s heart clenched and he held her tighter. “I’m trying to make sure that they are.”
He knew Natasha had questions for him but Steve had no time to answer them. Instead, he pulled away and grabbed Natasha’s wrist, putting the coordinates into her watch, and slipping in the Pym particle. Before she had a chance to make sense of what was happening, Steve looked her in the eyes and said with a smile, “See you in a minute.” And pressed the button, sending her home.
Then Steve went to Asgard. Luckily, he found Jane sleeping so it wasn’t difficult to inject her with the Aether. He felt guilty but he knew she would eventually be fine and he did it gently.
Steve intended to leave Mjolnir somewhere on the floor in Odin’s palace and go but he caught a glimpse of Frigga’s robes and he couldn’t help himself. Thor had told them stories of her magic and wisdom and Steve was too tempted not to talk to her.
The Queen knew immediately who he was and greeted Steve with a kind smile, then offered him to sit down and have tea with her. Steve didn’t protest.
Her smile turned sad when she listened to his story and his request. “Magic can’t bring back the dead.” She said gently, taking his hand. “I’m sorry.”
Steve nodded and smiled back, even though he knew that his smile didn’t reach his eyes and that it was probably more of a frown. “Thank you anyway.”
There was a spark in her eyes though. “At least not my magic.” She said, “If this is really what you want, don’t give up.”
Steve didn’t. He wouldn’t. The Master of the Mystic Arts knew magic too. When he returned the Time Stone though, Steve didn’t ask the Ancient One about it. She knew him though and she knew his heart, if the knowing look in her eyes was anything to go by. He could almost hear it, the familiar mantra spoken in a British accent meant to bring him relief.
Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice.
The Ancient One would say the same thing about Tony. Probably something about respecting choices and accepting sacrifices. Bucky sacrificed himself to save his life. The consequences of that choice haunted Steve to this very day, and he wasn’t going to let that happen again. Not when he had the power to do something about it.
He returned the rest of the stones. Seeing Tony again made his heart shatter. It felt like dying all over again. Like dying but being unable to die because his heart kept pumping blood and he didn’t know why.
When Steve got to Strange, he had one particle left. He could either use it to go back or do something else with it. He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t think he could.
Steve never really talked to Strange before and Tony’s stories about him had been vague, and for good reason. Still, he wasn’t surprised when Strange knew what he came for as soon as he looked at Steve.
“What do you want to do?” He asked, almost conversationally, curiously. They were in sanctum sanctorum, upstairs in a large library surrounded by books and ancient artefacts. Strange stood by the window, half of his face hidden in shadow as he watched Steve.
Steve looked him in the eye, wondering if he would turn out to be another person that wanted to stop him. “What can I do to save him?” He didn’t clarify the name, knowing that Strange would know either way.
“You can use the particle.” Strange said. “But that would open another timeline with two different versions of you.” Steve frowned at that. “And you would leave your old timeline behind forever.”
Steve thought about Bucky and the idea of leaving him again sent a shiver down his spine. He couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to leave the rest of his friends either, not if he had a choice. But that choice was awful because he didn’t want to go back to a world without Tony either if he could help it.
And the look in Strange’s eyes told him that he could help it. His gaze went down to the amulet hanging from his neck, a golden sphere that contained the time stone. “Did you close all of the timelines?”
Steve nodded. “I did.” At least he hoped that he did but he’d returned all the stones to their places of origin and he hadn’t done anything else. Well, apart from saving Natasha but that was one thing that he wouldn’t take back. No matter the consequences.
“Then you could use this.” The golden sphere moved, its mechanism whirred quietly and the green stone floated out, staying in the air between them. Steve looked at it, transfixed. “It should send you back to where you want to go and merge all the rogue timelines together.” Strange’s gaze lifted from the stone and locked in on Steve. “If I gave you this chance, what would you do with it?”
The answer was simple and it came to Steve immediately. “I’ll make sure Tony survives.”
“How?”
Steve said nothing. There was really only one way that he could think of that would spare Tony and everyone else. He clenched his jaw and looked at Strange again. “Can you do this for me or not?”
“What will you do if I don’t?”
Steve didn’t say anything to that either. He thought about the funeral, about seeing Tony’s eyes shift to him for the last time, knowing that they would soon close forever. And that it was Steve’s fault. “Please.” Steve said and ran a hand through his hair, feeling slight prickling in the corners of his eyes. He was tired and he didn’t have much fight left in him.
There was apparently something in Steve’s eyes that told Strange that it was the only thing he could do for him. The only thing that made any sense. His features softened and he looked at the stone as it floated all the way over to Steve. “Touch it and think of when and where you want it to take you.”
Steve didn’t have to think for long.
The smell of dust was overwhelming. So was the bloodloss, the haze in his head, and the few broken bones that Steve could feel already trying to put themselves back together.
The picture painted in front of him was familiar too. Thanos desperately trying to put on the gauntlet and the rest of them desperately trying to stop it from happening. And then he saw, the moment his heart broke, the moment he knew.
Tony looked at Strange, then at Steve. Finally, at Thanos.
Only Steve remembered what happened next and he remembered it well. He wouldn’t let it happen again.
He held out his hand and after less than a second Mjolnir found its way back to him. Steve felt its power surge through him as he spun the hammer in the air and sent it flying, not towards Thanos but towards Tony instead.
Too confused and taken by surprise, Tony didn’t have time to move out of its way. Mjolnir hit him square in the chest, right in the middle of it, and sent him flying away from Thanos.
Steve picked up the shield instead, letting the hammer stay on top of Tony’s chest, and charged at Thanos.
In the corner of his eye, Steve noticed Bucky looking his way, eyes terrified because he too knew what his best friend was about to do. “Steve-”
At the same time, Steve heard Sam’s voice in his ear. “What the hell are you doing, Steve?”
“Stay out of my way.” Steve said through the comms, looking pointedly Bucky’s way while he continued to march towards Thanos, hands gripping the shield tightly. Sam started saying something else but Steve took the comms out of his ear and tossed it on the ground.
Everyone else was busy and didn’t really notice what he was about to do. Good, Steve thought as he threw the shield at Thanos. He barely flinched as the vibranium hit the side of his head but he turned towards Steve, looking more annoyed than anything else. Steve ignored it and threw himself at Thanos, knowing that Tony had already loosened the gauntlet during their scramble.
Steve didn’t have anything to grab the stones with so he grabbed them with his bare hand, knowing that at this point it didn’t really matter anyway, he would end up dead either way.
Power surged through him and it was more overwhelming than anything he’d ever felt before. It was power and it was pain. It was the worst pain he’d ever had to endure, worse than when Erksire injected him with the serum. The power reached all throughout his body, filling every pore, merging with every cell in his body, surging through his blood. Steve didn’t know what to do and he didn’t think he could do much in his state, so instead of trying to do anything he focused on keeping his fist clenched around the stones as hard as he could and he simply thought about keeping his friends safe. About keeping Tony safe.
Then he blacked out.
The first thing Steve’s scrambled mind registered was a steady beeping at his left side. A heart monitor. Something that shouldn’t be as familiar to him as it was.
He was in a hospital room. Other than that he didn’t know much.
Steve opened his mouth to ask the same question he always asked but he was beaten to the punch. “It’s 2123. Congratulations, Cap. You’ve slept through another hundred years.”
At that, Steve’s eyes shot open and he blinked against the sudden brightness until his gaze focused on the lone figure that sat on a chair by his side. Obviously tired, sleep-deprived and bruised but wonderfully alive. “Tony.” He tried to say his name but his voice was raspy from disuse, his throat burned with pain and felt incredibly dry.
Tony clearly noticed and reached for a glass of water that stood on Steve’s bedside table. “Kidding.” He said, bringing the glass up to Steve’s lips. He tipped it forward carefully until Steve could take slow sips. “Serves you right though.”
While he drank the water, Steve’s memories slowly started to rush in. Two realities trying to merge together, one where Tony died and another where Steve almost did, but somehow survived. With the memories came also the pain. It was an awful pain that burned through every fiber of his body and when he looked at his arm, Steve realized that his skin was actually burned. Most of it was covered in thick bandages though and he couldn’t see much.
“Is everyone okay?” Steve managed to ask when he was done drinking and Tony put the glass back down.
“Everyone’s fine. Just some broken bones and minor burns.” Tony leaned back in his chair, arms coming up to fold over his chest as he watched Steve with a grim face despite the good news. “You took the worst of it.”
“Good.” Steve let out a sigh of relief, ignoring the way his lungs burned in the process.
There was a beat of silence, and then. “Do you actually want to die, Steve?”
Steve locked his gaze on Tony, on the dark circles under his eyes, the gray at the nape of his hair. Steve wanted to answer Tony but he didn’t know what to say because he had a feeling that Tony wasn’t only asking about his latest stunt but about every other time Steve almost died.
Yes, Steve wanted to die when he watched Bucky fall off the train. He wanted to jump right after him, only he knew that there was something good he could still do. Yes, he wanted to die when he crashed his plane into ice because he didn’t want to go home without his best friend. That wouldn’t be home anymore. Even if it meant that he would miss out on a chance to have a life with Peggy, the life he’d always dreamed of having but never thought he would actually get a chance at.
Yes, Steve welcomed death with open arms when he fell into the Potomac, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he had to see Bucky’s hollow and unknowing eyes one more time.
Steve didn’t want to die when he watched Tony’s heart float away from him. But he didn’t want to live either because it meant life without purpose, life without another thing that kept his heart beating.
Steve looked at Tony as he waited for his answer. “I don’t want to die.” Steve said firmly, as firmly as he could, because after everything, he’d managed to survive through every awful thing that had ever happened to him and if Tony was alive and with him, maybe it meant something. Maybe it meant that his death could be peaceful.
“Well, good.” Tony’s shoulders slumped and he reached out, grabbing Steve’s hand and holding it gently through the bandage. Steve felt the warmth seep through the fabric. “You broke a couple of my ribs, you know that?”
Steve couldn’t help but smile. “At least you’re alive.” Tony let out a humorless chuckle at that. “How did I survive?”
“Quill remembered he was half god or something.” Tony shook his head. “He remembered that you can actually take on the power of the infinity stones together, distribute it or something. Thor, Carol and Bruce grabbed you and took some damage for you.” His features sharpened then but his eyes held so much love and fondness that Steve knew that any anger was superficial and that it didn’t matter in the long run. “I would have pitched in too if I wasn’t crushed after Thor’s hammer at the time.”
Steve continued to smile but then a thought occurred to him. “What about Natasha?”
“She’s been hovering by your room for the last two weeks.” Tony said. “Said something about you saving her.” He paused for a beat or two. “You’ve got some explaining to do, Rogers.”
He did. It was only fair that he explained everything to Tony, to Natasha too. Steve didn't want to do it then though. Despite pain, he felt light and happy, and like maybe everything could be okay in the end. “Later.” He said and felt sleep pull him back under. Tony kept holding his hand though so Steve didn’t fight it.