Chapter Text
i. Step With Me
”He’s buying.”
The slurred statement is accompanied by a finger nearly jabbing Gan Ning in the eye, and he shoves it out of his face with a scowl.
“I thought we agreed on starting the tally next time, asshole.”
“Yeah, but! But I totally had more than you at Hefei. C’mon, man….” Ling Tong trailed off and eyed the remainder of his drink critically before downing it all at once. He beckoned at the bartender for another before turning back to Gan Ning. “I mean, didja even see me against Zhang Liao?”
“I coulda done that, that doesn’t mean I have to pay for your ass to get drunker than me and then carry you home later!”
Ling Tong grinned and punched him -rather weakly, Gan Ning noticed - in the shoulder in response. “Well, you’ll just have to get as drunk as me then, won’t you? Ziming can carry us home!”
Across the room, Lu Meng looked up and scowled at the idea of being responsible for the idiots again, but his reaction went unnoticed. He was already practically their babysitter anyway.
Gan Ning stared at Ling Tong and watched as he enthusiastically accepted the next round of drinks before shrugging in defeat. ‘If you can’t beat them, join them’ worked well enough with joining Wu, he thought as he grabbed one of the drinks out of Ling Tong’s hands and took a long swig.
By the end of the night, they had to support each other just to stand, but that didn’t stop the pair from taking poorly-aimed cheap shots the whole walk to back.
ii. Love you when I’m drunk
Ling Tong opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn’t.
The sunlight was too bright, the ceiling was unfamiliar, and he half suspected some Wei officer had knocked him in the head with one of those ridiculous clubs in the middle of the night. He scrunched his eyes shut and tried to focus on anything but the splitting pain in his head. He was barely dressed, and there was another body shifting beside him - a heavy one, and the arm draped over his chest was distinctly masculine.
Ling Tong didn’t really want to confront whoever he ended up in bed with but he groaned and opened his eyes again - more slowly this time - as he turned on his side to see who it was.
And promptly shouted wordlessly and attempted to scramble out of the bed.
Next to him, Gan Ning lifted his head and stared blearily at the panicking figure on the edge of the bed as Ling Tong desperately tried to find the rest of his clothes. “Gongji…? What’re you…” He trailed off as he realized the situation. “Aw, fuck, what the fuck happened last night?”
“Hell if I know, asshole!” Ling Tong immediately cringed and buried his face in his hands at the volume of his own voice.
Normally Gan Ning would have been all too happy to laugh at the sight of his friend and rival dealing with a hangover, but he was in a similar situation himself, and there was the matter of them waking up naked in the same bed. He sighed and pushed some stray hair out of his face and tried to remember the previous night. They were celebrating a victory, and even Sun Quan had joined them - though Lianshi was careful to keep him from going crazy drunk - but Gan Ning himself wasn’t so careful. He remembered agreeing not to hit Ling Tong at least for that night, and he remembered stumbling home with somebody’s help, and from then on everything was fuzzy and dark.
Gan Ning snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed Ling Tong staring at him intently.
“Xingba, I think I kissed you,” he said quietly.
“Uh.”
“We were fighting, and you pushed me against the wall, and I kissed you, and then you kissed me back and it kept happening and what the actual fuck it just kept happening.” The realizations came out of him all at once and left him a little breathless. His stare hardened and became accusing. “What the fuck were you thinking, asshole?”
“What the fuck was I thinking? I was drunk! I wasn’t thinking! Nor were you! But you never think at all so I mean—” He didn’t mean that. The insults were routine; they came out as automatically as breathing.
“Shut up!”
Ling Tong’s head is back in his hands and he repeats himself weakly. “Shut up. That was never supposed to happen. You were — I’m leaving.” He began tossing on clothing carelessly, already knowing exactly it would look to everyone around them, and was almost out the door when Gan Ning’s hand latched onto his arm.
“Gongji.” Gan Ning’s voice was low and rough, and his gaze was more intense than ever. “Can I kiss you again?”
“Xingba—”
“I’m serious.”
Ling Tong looked down, away from Gan Ning’s intensity and away from the hand gripping his. He hated how vulnerable he felt, hated how close they were, hated how Gan Ning was actually serious. Tried to hate his own response.
“Yes.”
Failed.
Gan Ning’s other hand came up to grasp Ling Tong’s chin and gently - so unexpectedly gentle - turned his chin up and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss, wildly different from the night before, and after a few moments Gan Ning pulled away to study the man in front of him. A heartbeat passed, and then another, and then Ling Tong drew him in for a much longer, deeper kiss, the kind full of suppressed passion and longing. This time, he was the first to pull away, and he drew in a deep breath as he dodged around Gan Ning.
“I’m still leaving.”
Gan Ning watched silently as the younger man hastily pulled on the rest of his clothing and walked out the door without a glance back.
iii. Stardust
Gan Ning can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen Ling Tong look at him, really look him, since that morning. There’ve been plenty of insults and fights and he’s fairly certain nobody else has noticed the difference, but they’ve fought for too long for him to not notice.
He’s resolved himself not to push the issue. He knows he’s not doing it out of spite - except it kind of is, and he can’t help but get stubbornly angry every time he gets brushed off.
It is during one such event that Gan Ning finally gives in and snaps at Ling Tong. He has him shoved up against a wall (he tries not to think about the last time they were in this position) and an arm braced at his throat and he can’t stop shouting.
“Look at me, Gongji! Look at me!“
Ling Tong stared blankly over Gan Ning’s shoulder. “I don’t want to.”
Gan Ning snarled in response and drew back his fist as if to punch him, but halts at the absent look Ling Tong has. He didn’t even look angry. He looked… almost pained, and somewhere along the line Gan Ning lost track of his intentions to let things be and kissed him roughly instead.
He wasn’t expecting Ling Tong to respond in kind, but he did - enthusiastically, even. Gone was the blank attitude. It was replaced by arms snaking around Gan Ning’s neck to draw him closer and breathy sounds escaping as he returned the kiss with equal passion and roughness. It almost felt like one of their fights, but far more enjoyable.
Again it was Ling Tong who broke away, though Gan Ning took a measure of pride from his flushed face and panting breaths. His pride crumbled a moment later, though, as he was shoved away and treated to the sight of Ling Tong’s back once again.
“I can’t do this, Xingba. I just - no. I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t do it.”
Another attempt on his part to walk away, another strong grip stopping him. It was starting to feel like a flashback for them both. Ling Tong looked back over his shoulder, and instead of the spark of rage Gan Ning expected to see in his eyes, all he saw was helplessness. He drew the younger man in close again and pushed his hair out of his face.
“Gongji, what can I do to make it okay?”
“You could have never killed my father,” Ling Tong spat.
Gan Ning yanked his hand back as if burned and it was his turn to look hopeless. “Anything but that, Gongji. I… anything but that. Please.”
Ling Tong smiled sadly and stepped away once more. “Then I don’t think there’s anything you can do. You can keep kissing me, and trying not to hit me, and maybe eventually I’ll learn to tolerate you, but you can never go back and fix what you did.”
Gan Ning felt like a statue as he watched Ling Tong walk away from him once more.
iv. Overrated
Ling Tong did, eventually, learn to tolerate Gan Ning. More than tolerate him. He might have even learned to love him.
He learned to tolerate (and return) stolen kisses in storage closets and dark corners. He learned to return Gan Ning’s tenderness with only a few reservations, and in turn his boundaries went uncrossed.
He never learned to stop fighting him, and he never learned how to stop seeing his father when they kissed, and he never quite got the hang of pushing aside the past in favor of the present.
But they enjoyed the present they had, with all its rough kisses and sweaty nights and gentle touches, and although Gan Ning would never make everything completely okay, there were days when Ling Tong found himself thinking that he came damn close.
They learned to sometimes be happy together, and sometimes was enough for them.
v. Happy Ending
Nothing would ever fill the void he left behind.