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If there was one thing Dean loved more than anything else, it was taking a moment to enjoy some stolen time with his boys.
Usually, someone like him, so full of quirks and weirdness, never had the luck to keep people around long enough to grow fond of them. And he wasn't just saying this to be pessimistic or because he had low self-esteem; he was just being realistic. And maybe brutally honest, too. But he had experienced it. Before. When he was another man, with a different name and in a different world from this one. A time when the metallic taste of blood lingered in his mouth at all hours and the pain caused by broken glass and barbed wire never left his scarred back.
He knew because he had tried. You know, this weird thing about feelings and love. But no one stayed, they all looked down on him, regretting having stumbled upon that skinny, love-starved boy, hoping to get rid of him as soon as possible, because his tics and his nasty addiction to cigarettes were too much, too much to deal with.
And perhaps that was why he had grown up so full of resentment, becoming a time bomb that constantly exploded with rage at the slightest provocation, both inside and outside the ring. Fortunately, wrestling, death matches, and blood had always been a perfect outlet for channeling all his frustrations, choosing physical pain over emotional pain. Maybe that was also why others looked at him strangely, because of his bizarre fixation on self-inflicted pain, which he drowned with a bottle of whiskey every night.
But then.
Then he met Roman and Seth.
What could he say? Of course, it wasn't love at first sight. No, theirs had been something slow, something they all had to work for, fight for, something carefully considered.
Seth, for example, had been something instantaneous, something Dean felt in his gut from the first time they had a match together, but something they both had to develop beyond the ring, because sometimes chemistry wasn't everything in a relationship. And that was hard for Dean, really hard, because opening up to him, leaving his heart in his hands for Seth to do whatever he wanted with it, had been difficult. But after an exhaustive effort on Seth's part, Dean finally gave in.
Roman, on the other hand, had been even more complicated. Not because Roman was difficult, no sir, but because Roman was too quiet, too shy, always overthinking every word he wanted to say until he ended up drowning in his own anxiety, unsure of voicing his own opinion out loud. That, coupled with Dean's impatience and natural chaos... Yes, it hadn't been a good combination at first, the tension and fights during the first few months were proof of that.
But once the three of them got in sync, on the same page and on the same wavelength, Dean finally, finally understood why everyone longed to be loved.
Because being loved by Seth and Roman, oh, it was fantastic.
He could feel it in every gesture, every touch. In every “good job” whispered in the middle of a match, in every kiss on the forehead and every hug in their cramped beds (too small for three men who were too big) after a long day.
He noticed it there, too, in that moment, as Roman's warm body pressed against his chest. Because the wonderful (but also terribly inconvenient) thing about loving and being loved was that it was never enough. You would always be looking for more, one more caress, one more second, just... more. So you became an expert at looking for an opportunity, at stealing a moment in time to enjoy with the people you loved.
And Dean, in particular, loved stealing moments before their matches, when they were all hiding in the loneliness of their secret basement, at risk of being discovered by any member of the staff if they weren't careful enough, quiet enough.
“Shhh, Ro,” Dean whispered, his warm breath hitting Roman's sensitive, sweaty neck, while his hands slipped under Roman's tactical vest to rub his soft belly. "You need to be quiet, remember? You don't want anyone to see us, do you, princess?" he hummed, a satisfied smile playing on his lips as Roman's soft, low whimper echoed through the empty warehouse.
“Dean—” Roman gasped, sounding almost breathless from the great effort he was making to remain silent. “Please.”
“Please? But I'm not doing anything, princess,” Dean laughed, his tongue tracing the area behind Roman's ear, licking the warm skin and savoring its musky taste. “Right, Seth?”
Seth let out a muffled sound, catching both their attention. Immediately, Roman and Dean looked down, meeting the kneeling figure of Seth, who remained obediently nestled between Roman's spread legs as his swollen, reddened lips wrapped around Roman's cock, eagerly sucking the thick length until strands of saliva dripped down the shaft.
“That's it, look at the good job Sethie is doing,” Dean sighed dreamily, his intense blue eyes closely following every movement of Seth's mouth. “His mouth must feel amazing, right?” Dean murmured, his nose pressed against Roman's cheek, immediately feeling tickled by the stubble on his face.
“Yesyesyes—such a good job, Sethie,” Roman babbled, his throat visibly vibrating with each moan as his eyes closed tightly. “His mouth feels so good, so perfect around me.”
"What about his fingers? Are they getting deep enough?" Dean asked, trying to peek past Seth's head (and failing) so he could see the two fingers that he knew had been buried inside Roman's tight hole for quite some time now.
“Yes! H-his fingers, I love his fingers,” Roman sobbed loudly, his body arching against Dean's.
However, Dean didn't hesitate to entangle his fingers in the long strands of hair at the nape of his neck and pull hard at that very moment, drawing a pitiful moan from Roman's swollen lips.
“What did I say, princess?” Dean warned, his tone so dark and deep that even Seth whimpered around Roman's cock.
Roman sobbed again, clearly overstimulated by the fingering and blowjob, but he managed to organize his thoughts inside his dizzy head and mumble in a low voice: “That I need to stay quiet.”
“That's right, such a good puppy, remembering what I commanded you,” he praised, leaving a soft kiss on Roman's bearded cheek and sighing with satisfaction as he returned his attention to Seth's full mouth. “Are you going to make him cum in your mouth, Sethie? The match is about to start, and you hate being late, remember?”
Seth hummed, closing his eyes and sucking Roman's cock harder, causing the larger man's body to writhe between Dean's arms. However, Dean's hand remained tangled in Roman's hair, pulling hard from time to time and mumbling soft “shh, shh” against his ear to silence him whenever his moans became too loud.
Still, he allowed himself to revel in the sight, feeling his own hard cock trapped between his tactical pants, which was pressed against the base of Roman's back and, from time to time, he rubbed against him to relieve the tension. But no one could judge him for being so fucking horny, because the sight of Seth on his knees, with his two-toned hair perfectly styled in a bun, sucking and slurping Roman's beautiful cock while simultaneously fingering him was maybe the most fucking erotic image he had ever seen in his entire fucking life. And he had lived many lives apart from that one, so he could afford to make a statement like that.
And of course, there was Roman. Roman, who looked so pretty trying to stifle his moans, totally shattered and overstimulated, all because he was eager to obey Dean's orders about not making any sound. There was an inexplicable beauty in the tears rolling down his cheeks from the effort, as he bit his swollen lips to silence his own moans or leaned harder against Dean's chest to help himself stand after his legs became too shaky. Dean wasn't going to lie, he loved breaking Roman down, dismantling him piece by piece until he became a mess of tears and sobs under his hands, only to put him back together again.
Same with Seth, it was fun, satisfying, it made him feel like he could be in control, even if it was only in one part of his life.
“Roman, you're being too loud. Do you want someone to see us? Do you want someone to see you?” Dean hummed, feigning disappointment, as he pulled harder on Roman's long hair.
And Roman tried to bite his lower lip harder, but clearly that wasn't enough to silence himself so Roman had to bite the palm of his own hand when he reached orgasm to muffle the broken moan that escaped his throat, although Dean didn't care too much about the noise anymore.
Because, again, there was that weird shit about feelings and love as he watched totally stunned at Roman's expression as he came, feeling his heart swell with love inside his chest as he saw the ecstasy painted on every feature of his beautiful face. Oh, and he didn't even have the words to start talking about everything he felt as he looked down just in time to see Seth swallow Roman's cum with a smug smile.
This right here. These feelings, these moments with his boys were better than any bloody deathmatch. He knew this because the urgent need to feel pain, to inflict pain on others, and to destroy himself in order to drown out the voices in his head always seemed to fade into the background of his damaged mind whenever he looked at them like that, smiling and happy after being together. And maybe he shouldn't repress that part of himself that much, maybe it was something he should embrace and accept, especially when the tics got out of control and the explosive energy itched under his skin, ready to explode (but without doing so, because he couldn't, he was a different man now, so he was satisfied with just scratching his collarbone, relieving the itch), but Dean preferred this. Dean preferred to replace the pain with the love his two boys made him feel.
Oh, Dean really, really loved these men.
And he loved them so much, so much that even the kisses he pressed against Roman's flushed cheeks to comfort him were not enough to express everything his heart held. Neither were the gentle pats he left on Seth's two-toned hair when Seth stood up to help him arrange Roman's clothes, but he tried, because he had learned that love was in every gesture, every word, no matter how small.
“Good job, Sethie,” he said, just as Seth's alarm on his watch started beeping loudly, indicating that it was almost time for their match. “I'll reward you when we get to the room. Both of you.”
“Huh? But Seth already took care of me,” Roman mumbled, confused, as he tightened the straps of his tactical vest correctly. “We should take care of Seth only and—”
“Both of you, I said,” Dean repeated firmly, earning a mocking laugh from Seth and a shrug from Roman.
Oh, these two didn't know how much Dean loved them and all the love he was ready to show them.
Oh well, they'd just have to put up with it. Those were the consequences of taking in a poor, love-starved boy like him, and they had to deal with it now.