Chapter Text
music 4 while u read ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊
The freight rolled over the tracks some minutes after I crossed, hearing the steady toll of the bell behind me. I liked to see if I could fit my shoe neatly into the gaps that separated each panel of wood. It got stuck there once and I got scared, only glad that at least no one else was around to see. I got it out though. That day was crisp and snowy, kind of like it is today - all grey blue, misty and slow. I mind being cold really I do, but Ponyboy wanted to go for a walk by our spot in the woods and he said that it was important. I figured it must be, what with him wanting to meet so early. He’s in college and I’m not, but I don’t so much mind that like how I mind being cold. My own misty breath reminded me that a cigarette might help with that as I got to walking toward the forest and wishing that there wasn’t a hole in my gloves. On the way down to our usual spot I kicked rocks and turned over a dried up animal skull with my shoe. A coyote maybe? When I was a kid I swear I saw something in these woods the very first time that I had tried to run away. These days I try not to think about it. Ponyboy showed up after I’d smoked my cigarette half way, snow crunching under his old boots - a hand me down from Soda. Now that I looked at him, Pony was getting to look something like Soda, only tireder looking.
“Sorry I’m late.”
“S’alright.”
“Ain’t sleeping too well.”
“Yeah?”
“Keep on having these dreams, freaking me out.”
“Nightmares, again? Gets worse in the winter don’t it, Pone?”
“I’ll be alright. S’nothing new.
Pony flicked his ashes at the ground while we walked. He was supposed to quit smoking months ago but I didn’t give him a hard time about it. When I’d first met him some years before, he wasn’t all that into cigarettes - which seemed weird to me cause I’d been smoking since I was nine years old. That was about the same age I’d first ever tried to run away from home too. I remember how Mr Curtis went out into these woods to try and find me and I begged him not to take me back home. I had thrashed and pleaded for him to just turn me loose and not let my folks find out where I’d run off to. He did, and I was glad for it. Back then, I didn’t expect to get dumped at the Curtis’ door like a stray. If they hadn’t let me in I might never have taught their good kid how to make smoke rings, but Curly Shepard would have taught him eventually. He ain’t as good at it as me though.
We walked in silence for a little while before Pony spoke up again.
“I might drop out.”
It lingered in the cool air for a moment. Ponyboy Curtis, a drop out?
“Why? You want to join me at the hospital?” I half joked.
“Shoot, maybe.”
Glory, but he could be dramatic. He got like that sometimes.
“Yeah, sure you do… besides, you couldn’t handle the night shift. Place gives you the creeps, you know that.”
“It’s not so bad.”
“No Pone, being a janitor sucks. I hate it. You don’t wanna end up like me and you're not gonna.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry, I’m all mixed up.”
“Yeah, I know…”
“Is your Mama still sick?”
He changed the subject abruptly and I felt my guts twist up and drop to my stomach.
“She is.”
I shifted tightly, knowing just what he was thinking. I’d recently gotten an earful from Dally too.
“Why are you takin’ care of her Johnny? You hate her!”
Pony let his head drop back like a man possessed, and let out a heavy sigh, whining about it to the trees around us. Maybe the wind would tell him why. I wished right then that it would and let me in on it too, cause I sure as hell didn’t know.
Feeling dumb, all I could do was shrug and tell him, “Yeah, I do hate ‘er.”