Chapter Text
Maybe it’s a sign, the weed whacker blade nearly taking him out. Taking a deep breath, Hyun-su enters the elevator of his new home. It’s small and rundown— not that he believes he deserves any more than that— and presses the 14 button. Right before the doors close, a man, probably only a little older than him, catches them and steps inside. Meeting Hyun-su’s eyes he gives him a polite smile before turning and pressing 8. Only a few seconds pass before the silence is broken by the stranger.
“I don’t believe I’ve seen you here before. Did you just move in?” nodding towards the screen Hyun-su has in his hands.
Is everyone I come across going to ask me this? “Yes.” Please hear me. “A couple days ago.”
The stranger hums in acknowledgment, Hyun-su is grateful he heard him. There’s a chime that indicates they’ve reached the 8th floor. “I’ll see you around.” Is all he parts with, no name or anything. Not that Hyun-su cares.
Hyun-su completes his ride up the final 6 floors. He shuffles to his room, slides scraping against the tile of the hall. He sets the last of his things down, and sits against the storage shelf intended for his PC.
“Should I just die?” He whispers, asking no one in particular.
Hyun-su ends up on the roof of the Green Home apartment building, the early August breeze rustling his hair and t-shirt, and although warm, it raises the hairs on his skin. His foot hovers past the edge as he stares down at the bustle of late afternoon traffic that will start soon. A shuffle behind him catches his attention first.
Across on another section of the roof is a girl, she is likely his age or maybe younger. He watches as she stretches in what look like ballet slippers. After a few minutes she begins to dance. Elegantly backlit by the sun that will begin to set soon, she looks in her element. Until she stops, looking down under her foot with a scowl. Maybe she stepped on something.
Apparently she stepped on gum. Miraculously, she hears his responses to her questions. Pointedly ignoring her last comments, he moves to go back inside. He wasn’t exactly looking for an audience.
“Don’t die here.” She adds before he goes into the stairwell. He pauses. “You’ll just cause trouble for a lot of people here. Find somewhere else to die.” Okay. Hyun-su keeps walking.
✦
Eun-hyeok knocks lightly on his sister’s door, not actually waiting for a reply before opening it. He gently sets an envelope on her desk.
“Your lesson fees.” He lets her pretend she wasn’t messing with her ankle, intending to leave her be.
“I already paid for them.”
He turns back around.
“Where did you get the money?”
“I met a rich guy.”
“Tell me the truth.” He states, unamused.
She rolls her eyes. “I’m fucking with you.”
He just looks at her. She changes the topic.
“I saw a guy on the roof today, didn’t someone move in recently? He was going to kill himself.” She says this nonchalantly, turning her attention back to the mirror in her hand.
Eun-hyeok’s eyes widen, but not even for half a second before he composes himself. “Going to?” He asks, looking around the room, aiming to sound disinterested. Thinking back to how the guy he met in the elevator had been he figures he didn’t look particularly engaged in the moment. He just assumed he preferred to keep to himself.
“He was watching me dance, but some idiot left some gum up there.” She drops the mirror and turns to her brother. “I told him to die somewhere else. He’d only cause problems here”
Eun-hyeok scoffs at her. She gets up and shoves past him.
✦
Another sign. Hyun-su stares at the noodles he was just choking on, in a gross pile on the tile in front of him. Before he can even be annoyed at the thought of cleaning it up, his phone chimes, grabbing his attention.
02-394-1869: CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve been chosen to be a VIP tester for the remake of Last World.
Come to the fan festival at G-Tower on August 25th.
He stares at the message on his screen, and re-reads the location. ”Find somewhere else to die.” The girl’s words echo through his mind again and he opens the calendar on his phone.
He adds an event to Tuesday, August 25th. Suicide.
Having a plan eases his mind a little. His gaze returns to the mess in front of him. With a grimace he decides he’s done eating, and goes back to his game after cleaning up.
The next week drags on, Hyun-su spends his time sleeping, playing his game, and eating ramen when he’s too hungry to ignore it. He really doesn’t feel well, but it doesn’t matter. He’s going to kill himself anyway. He’s merely keeping himself alive until then.
He wakes up in the evening to a chime indicating a rare message on his phone.
010-252-018: I have left your package with the security guard.
Reluctantly, Hyun-su drags himself off his mattress. Sleep sticks to his eyes as he slowly makes his way to the elevator, sandals shuffling on the ground in the quiet hallway. He’s finally adjusted to being conscious when the elevator stops and the peaceful ride Hyun-su was hoping to have to himself is over. The guy he saw a week ago politely smiles at him as he enters the elevator. Hyun-su absorbs him a bit more this time. He’s just a little shorter than him, and is wearing a dark blue flannel that he’s pretty sure he had on last time, and thin wire frame glasses. He passively thinks he’s pretty. Hyun-su politely returns the smile, then promptly redirects his gaze back in front of him. Once again, the stranger doesn’t take long to break the silence as the doors close.
Internally, relief washes over Eun-hyeok seeing the boy again. “I didn’t introduce myself last time. My name is Lee Eun-hyeok.” For a moment, only the hum of the lights in the elevator fill the space. Maybe he really does just prefer to keep to himself and so he won’t try to talk to him again.
“Cha Hyun-su.” Is the timid response Eun-hyeok gets. Gratefully, he smiles a little to himself, and the rest of the ride down is quiet. Once they reach the ground floor, Eun-hyeok turns to the boy. “It was nice to meet you.” Hyun-su just politely nods as the doors open and they both go their respective directions.
Over the next week Hyun-su sees Eun-hyeok in the elevator three more times. He wonders if literally anyone else even fucking lives in this building or uses the elevator. Unfortunately he knows the answer is yes, due to his neighbors playing music unreasonably loud, and talking on the phone at which he is afraid is a normal volume. He also distantly knows he is choosing to go downstairs around the same time every night. Still, he’d have to run into someone else at some point. After letting curiosity get the best of him during the most recent elevator ride and tentatively asking a question first, Hyun-su learns Eun-hyeok works as a technician overnight at a 24 hour pharmacy, which is why he leaves so late in the evening. He lies about having a silly routine of getting a drink at the supermarket in the evening when asked why he is also in the elevator this late. Hyun-su does go to the supermarket, but just wanders around and goes back to his room.
✦
The morning of the 24th of August Hyun-su’s phone screen burns his tired eyes as he stares at the upcoming event in his calendar. For the first time, he sits for a few minutes and contemplates his plan; he somewhat desires to do the work. He compromises with himself and decides he’ll actually participate in the event, and then think about it once he’s there. He can always change his mind.
He gets up to start his day, drowsily making his way to the bathroom. He takes a deep breath as he looks in the mirror, and actually looks. Should I go out like this? It’s technically work. He runs his hands through his hair with a frown, he doesn’t actually like how heavy his hair feels. After rummaging through his things, he finds scissors, but quickly decides they are too old and worn. Okay. He leaves his room to go to the main floor. His journey down to the supermarket is undisturbed, but it’s like nine in the morning, if anything Eun-hyeok is sleeping. Hyun-su pushes the thoughts of the stranger’s routine to the back of his head as he searches the aisles for what he needs. The woman at the checkout counter makes a comment about him actually making a purchase, but there’s no malice in her words. He just thanks her as he leaves.
Hyun-su returns to his room with a new pair of scissors, and a peach flavored drink he thought looked good, because he thought his first purchase in two weeks being scissors alone might be weird. Back in his bathroom, he doesn’t know where to start, so he just does. After the longer hair that was framing his face is gone, he gets a glimpse of himself before. It takes a while, he accepts when he needs a break but is also sure to be thorough. Almost an hour later, he is satisfied with his work, and decides to shower. All he does is let the hot water run over him for a long time, understanding that's what he has the energy for.
The morning being more emotionally taxing than he expected, he just sits on his bed with his drink, which he figures is probably some sort of tea or juice. He didn’t read, he just saw the peach, which he suddenly remembered was his favorite.
He takes a sip, and immediately it tastes like three summers ago, when Su-a made him accompany her on occasional walks to a boba shop nearby. He’d feign annoyance, but it was actually nice to spend time with her without their parents. Hyun-su takes another sip and then puts it in his mini fridge for later. His scar itches.
✦
It’s the 25th and Hyun-su was late to the event but miraculously is still allowed to be a tester. He only makes 50,000 won.
On the train home, Hyun-su realizes he forgot his initial plan. Surprisingly neutral about this revelation, he reasons that he could make his room more comfortable, if he’s going to be there longer to eventually find another method.
He returns home with a dark grey fitted sheet. He stands in the middle of his room looking at his bed. The three different shades of grey slightly amuse him but it's better than the bare mattress he had before. His head turns to his right, and he takes in the mess on the floor with a pained look. One trash bag and a half full sink later— dishes are a problem for future him— he is satisfied with his efforts. His venture downstairs to take out the trash is uneventful.
About an hour later, Hyun-su’s body reminds him he hasn’t eaten since yesterday. Defeated, he forces himself out of bed, and opens a cabinet to the same ramen he’s had the past two weeks. Swallowing a small gag, he guesses his body is also telling him his capacity for the same food has been reached. There are plenty of prepackaged foods in the supermarket, but he’s sure his tolerance for long boring elevator rides has also been reached.
It takes fifteen minutes, finishing the peach tea in his fridge, and a particularly painful hunger pang before he gives up, putting on his jacket, and leaves his room.
Eun-hyeok follows his sister out their door, this earns him a glare.
He sighs. “I’m going to the market.”
She turns forward, defeated. They walk to the elevator.
Eun-hyeok feels a flutter in his chest when he sees Hyun-su. His hair is short— it's cute, even if he can tell he did it himself— and is wearing something other than sweatpants. The black zip up hoodie and red t-shirt he’s seen before, but the brown cargo pants and actual shoes are definitely new to him. Hyun-su is the one to courteously smile at him first when they enter the shabby elevator.
He’s about to ask if he’s met his sister yet, not wanting to imply he's aware of the situation Eun-yu told him about. Immediately she ruins this.
“I see you haven't killed yourself.” She doesn’t sound particularly happy or upset by this observation.
Eun-hyeok is visibly shocked by her statement. “Hey! Lee Eun-yu.” What the hell is wrong with you?
She just looks at him. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”
Eun-hyeok just sighs, folding his arms, and looks down, before bringing his attention back up to Hyun-su across the elevator. His face is pale, and seems to be boring a hole with his eyes into the elevator door, like if he stares hard enough they’ll get there faster.
A painful forty five seconds later the doors open. Eun-yu goes in her respective direction of the front doors, Hyun-su strolls alongside Eun-hyeok towards the market, though he’s sure he’s lost his appetite.
“I’m sorry about her.” He sighs. “I promise she’s nice, in her own way.”
“It’s fine.” Hyun-su mumbles.
Not really. He inhales, preparing for a different topic.
“I was thinking, it’s important to have contact with at least one neighbor. Unless you have someone already, I wanted to offer my phone number.”
They’re standing right outside the windowed wall of the market. Hyun-su has not met anyone else, and guesses it seems logical and reasonable. He can’t come up with an emergency scenario but he doesn’t have the energy to think much of anything at the moment. He nods, retrieves his phone from his front pants pocket, unlocks and hands it to Eun-hyeok, forgetting to pull up the contacts page.
As Eun-hyeok starts to look for the contact icon, the calendar event on the homescreen catches his attention first. His heart drops when he reads August 25, Tuesday. Suicide.
Clenching his jaw, he swallows, keeping his composure. Don’t freak him out. He glances up to find Hyun-su staring at the floor. Quickly, he gets where he needs to, adding himself as a contact.
Extending his hand, he returns Hyun-su’s phone. “I sent myself a message to make things easier.” He watches as Hyun-su nods, shoving his phone in his pocket, he looks somewhat spaced out.
He moves to open the glass door to the market, and follows Hyun-su in. An urge to not leave his side is clawing at his chest. He had seemed fine when he first saw him in the elevator, but he has grown more weary in the last few minutes. At this point he’s forgotten what he’s even here for, so he grabs a bag of chips Eun-yu likes when he sees Hyun-su grab a single drink, intending to leave at the same time as him. He successfully joins him in the elevator
While Eun-hyeok is trying to convince himself that Hyun-su will be okay, he can text him now at least, his thoughts are interrupted when there is a clatter of Hyun-su’s tea can on the ground, quickly followed by the thud of his body.
“Shit.” He crouches down, tapping his shoulder. “Hey, Cha Hyun-su.” After no response, he’s at least relieved when a finger in front of his nose tells him he’s breathing. “Okay.” After tossing Hyun-su’s tea in his own bag, he hooks his arms under his shoulders in preparation to drag him out when the doors open.
Despite the combination of his height and full unconscious weight, Eun-hyeok is able to get him to the wall right by the elevator. He moves Hyun-su on his side, resting his head on his arm, and kneels by him waiting for him to wake up. A brief wave of vindication washes over him, he’s glad made an effort to stay close.
It’s around twenty seconds later when Hyun-su’s eyes flutter open. Slowly, he sits up and meets Eun-hyeok’s eyes. “Where is this?”
“We’re on the eighth floor, you fainted.” He pushes his glasses up, resisting the urge to check his temperature by putting his hand on his forehead. He’s sure he’s not as warm as he should be. “How do you feel?”
“Oh. I think I’m okay.” He looks away. “Thank you for staying with me. I’ll go now.” He shifts to put his weight on his hand in order to stand up.
This time Eun-hyeok reaches out, setting a hand on his shoulder. “Hold on. You had to have fainted for a reason. When was the last time you ate something?”
Oh, yeah. If I lie will he keep asking me things? Probably. He looks back up at him, “Yesterday. Afternoon maybe.”
Pursing his lips, Eun-hyeok sighs. “We’re on my floor. I’ll make you something.”
Hyun-su furrows his brows. “I have food at home, you don’t need to do that.”
“Forgive me, but I’d rather ensure you have something substantial.” Right as he finishes his sentence, he quickly moves his hand from Hyun-su’s shoulder to grab his bicep, following him as he tries to stand.
Upon attempting to stand, the room spins. Wincing, Hyun-su lets himself be guided back down to the floor. “Okay.” He whispers, conceding.
“If you want to go now, we can. I’ll help you. Though, if you feel like fainting again you need to tell me.” He moves the arm he was holding in his hand over his shoulders, then wraps his arm around Hyun-su to support him. He grabs the small grocery bag with his spare hand. “I’ve got you. Try to stand slower than before.”
Hyun-su nods, bracing himself on Eun-hyeok’s shoulder, and gradually manages to stand. The room is still spinning, though slower. “Need a moment.” He mutters, staring at the floor.
Eun-hyeok’s eyes are flickering over his face, making sure he seems okay. “Take your time.” He reassures softly, matching his volume. “We’re in 807, so it will be a walk down the hall. You can tell me when you’re ready.”
After a few minutes, Eun-hyeok is guiding Hyun-su to the back half of the small apartment. Gently, he helps him sit down, releasing his side. “One second.” He goes to the kitchen, setting down the bag he’s had in his hand this whole time on the small dining table, and then grabs a water bottle to bring back to Hyun-su.
Hyun-su’s dizziness settles upon sitting. He looks curiously around the room he’s in. There’s several bookshelves and separate colorful piles of books. Medical diagrams and other miscellaneous notes seem to be scattered everywhere as well. Doesn’t he work in a pharmacy? Maybe he wants to go to school, or did? The couch he’s sitting on has a couple of pillows and blankets, appearing to serve as a bed.
Returning to Hyun-su, Eun-hyeok hands him the bottle of water. “Drink.” He watches as Hyun-su takes the bottle and drinks some of it. “Good. I recommend lying down. I’ll make something for you.”
The water relieves enough of his lightheadedness to remind him he is painfully hungry. Hyun-su nods, accepting the offer. His eyes feel heavy as he watches Eun-hyeok walk back to the small kitchen, so he does as told, setting the bottle on the floor and lying down. Promptly, he knocks out.
It takes Eun-hyeok a little over twenty minutes to make something he feels would be substantial for Hyun-su to eat. He’d like to have given him something faster and easier, but he’s fairly certain he needs nutrition. Satisfied with his efforts, he brings a bowl over to his back half of the apartment, setting it down on his desk when he finds Hyun-su asleep.
He kneels by the couch, thinking of when to wake Hyun-su up, when he notices his right sleeve has ridden up his arm, revealing part of a large scar. Taking a deep breath, he feels an ache in his chest. Seeing how peaceful Hyun-su actually looks asleep, he realizes just how desolate he appears when awake. Sighing, he brings a hand to his forehead. That feels about right. Some color has returned to his face, so Eun-hyeok feels comfortable waking him now. Lightly, he shakes his shoulder.
Hyun-su stirs almost immediately and jolts up, making Eun-hyeok pull his hand back quickly. Mouth slightly open, he watches as he stands and grabs something from the desk behind him. He’s still lightheaded, but assumes eating will help.
“I didn’t mean to startle you, here.”
He’s handed a bowl with rice and ground beef. Hyun-su doesn’t know the last time he’s had meat or any actual protein. “Thank you.”
Eun-hyeok returns to the kitchen, not intending to stare at him while he eats. There’s enough for Hyun-su to take home, so he prepares a container with another serving and two more bottles of water. He’s uncertain Hyun-su gets enough of that as well.
It’s less than five minutes later when Hyun-su pads over to the kitchen with an empty bowl. Eun-hyeok gives him a small smile. “I’ll take it.” After placing the bowl in the sink, he turns back around to find Hyun-su distantly staring at the floor.
“I imagine you’d like to go home.” Hyun-su returns his focus to Eun-hyeok. “Are you feeling well enough? It shouldn’t take more than ten minutes to recover from fainting.”
“I’m okay.”
“Good.” Eun-hyeok offers another small smile, and pauses for a moment. “If it’s alright, I’d like to accompany you home anyway. I’d feel better knowing you got there safely.”
“Okay.”
It isn’t long before they’re outside Hyun-su’s door, Eun-hyeok inhales, and hands him the bag he prepared. “Here”
Hyun-su looks at the bag as he grabs it, his fingers brush up against Eun-hyeok’s. “Thank you.” Looking up, he meets his eyes. “Thank you for helping me.”
“It was no problem, I’m glad I was there.” He shoves his hands in his pockets, fighting an urge to reach out to him in some way. “Please eat and take care of yourself. Goodnight.” After acknowledging Hyun-su’s gentle nod with a smile, he moves to return to the elevators.
In the elevator back down, Eun-hyeok crosses his arms, feeling that clawing in his chest again. He’s glad— to an extent— that he was right about staying by Hyun-su’s side. Though, he’s not confident whatever Hyun-su is eating at home is substantial. He’s also so polite. There’s got to be a sweet, happy person somewhere in there. He thinks about the large scar, Eun-yu’s interaction with him on the roof, and that calendar event on his phone. Realistically, they’re still strangers, but Eun-hyeok needs Hyun-su to know that someone does care about him.
✦
It’s late afternoon the following Friday, when Hyun-su’s phone chimes, pulling him from the game he’s playing.
Eun-hyeok: Hello.
Hyun-su: hi
Why is he texting me? Oh shit, probably his container. I have to wash it.
Eun-hyeok: How have you been feeling?
Hyun-su: okay. haven’t passed out
Eun-hyeok: Good.
Eun-hyeok: I don’t work tonight. I wanted to know if I could cook for you again?
Oh.
Hyun-su stares at his phone. He doesn’t want to burden him, though he does need to return the container he lent him. But he already did so much for me.
Eun-hyeok: I’d like you to understand I’d be happy to do it.
Remembering what eating something that wasn’t ramen was like, Hyun-su decides he could appease him this one time. There’s no reason for him to continue inviting him over afterwards.
Hyun-su: sure, thank you
Eun-hyeok: Eun-yu is leaving around 7, I expect to be done around 7:30. You can come by whenever you’d like.
Hyun-su: okay
Eun-hyeok opens the door to a shy looking Hyun-su, who offers a timid smile and wordlessly steps inside. Shutting the door, Eun-hyeok again notices the lack of sweatpants, replaced by a pair of worn, black jeans and a knitted sweater that has substituted his typical hoodie. The continued effort towards his outward appearance— at least, that’s how he interprets it— makes Eun-hyeok feel a bit more optimistic.
When Hyun-su reaches the dining table he notices a can of the tea he likes, he looks at the drink curiously, and looks to Eun-hyeok when he joins him next to the table. He doesn’t have to ask anything, though.
“You dropped your drink on Tuesday, I put it in my bag and forgot about it.” He looks away, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I wanted to save it for you tonight.” He didn’t intend to imply he’d been thinking about inviting him over since that day. Hyun-su doesn’t seem to notice.
“Oh.” Hyun-su looks back over at the tea, remembering how one second he was in the elevator and the next he was in a hallway with Eun-hyeok by his side, he scoffs, slightly amused. “I completely forgot. Thank you.”
After they start eating, Eun-hyeok doesn’t think very hard about the question he has for Hyun-su before he asks it.
“How old are you? You seem a little young to be here on your own.”
Immediately he regrets the way he phrased it, when Hyun-su stares blankly at the roll he has in front of him. He almost apologizes when he gets a quiet reply.
“Nineteen.” He looks up across the table at Eun-hyeok. “You don’t seem to be much older than me.”
Eun-hyeok smiles at his fair statement. “You’re right. I’m twenty two. Eun-yu is eighteen. We’ve been here for a few years now, it’s just us.” He says this so casually, but Hyun-su hears it in the way he’d tell someone it’s just him. He kind of wants to ask, but decides it’s not fair, if he isn’t willing to share in return, so he just hums in acknowledgement.
The silence that fills the next couple minutes isn’t particularly awkward, though Eun-hyeok still searches for discomfort in the face in front of him. He forgot he isn’t the most socially apt person, he just wanted to make sure Hyun-su ate again.
“You have a lot of textbooks.”
“Some are from my time in medical school. I stopped attending, though I still like to study.”
“That’s really cool, that you like something that much.”
Eun-hyeok’s heart flutters a little at his tone. He's used to hearing hints of disinterest when talking to other people about almost anything. Hyun-su is either actually engaged in this conversation, or he’s good at lying. Eun-hyeok gives a small smile, pushing away any negative assumptions.
The rest of dinner goes well. They end up sharing their general interests. Hyun-su thinks he's potentially considering game development. Eun-hyeok tries not to think too hard about the implications of the word potentially, and shares he's saving to return to school, but is happy supporting his sister's ballet career.
“Would you like to stay any longer? Or are you tired?” Eun-hyeok asks, he’s just finished cleaning up the table.
“Tired, I think.” Hyun-su lies, kind of. In a way, he’s always tired, but he isn’t sure he should take up any more of Eun-hyeok’s time.
“Alright.” He watches as Hyun-su stands, and walks with him to the front door. “Thank you for coming over.”
“Thank you for cooking again.” He shoves on his shoes. “I really am okay now.”
Nodding, Eun-hyeok opens the door for him. “I know.” He offers a gentle smile. “Good night.”
Like usual, Hyun-su politely nods before leaving.
The door clicks shut and Eun-hyeok leans against it, the metal surface cool on his back. Habitually resting his hands in his pockets, he turns to look at the chair Hyun-su was just occupying, and wonders if he’s being a little intense. Fortunately, the persistent urge to be near him has subsided. Hyun-su is noticeably doing better from Tuesday, but he can't help his worrying. He reasons that he’s just being a decent person, making sure this boy who is obviously alone for a difficult reason, at least gets a proper meal sometimes, and knows that even a stranger cares that he’s alive. That was the medical student in him, or something. As well as the flutter in his chest he feels each time he sees him is only because he’s relieved he’s still here.
Once inside his room, Hyun-su takes off his shoes as per usual, and immediately lies in bed. He wonders if Eun-hyeok’s trying to be friendly, or did he really just not trust that he was eating, and is being neighborly.
If he is trying to be a friend, is it worth the risk? Realistically, Eun-hyeok has only ever approached him. If he were as malicious as Do-hun, would he actually bother to invite him over and cook for him? He went to medical school, practically has a full time job, and has been raising his sister. Why would he unreasonably terrorize someone? Hyun-su sighs, it doesn’t matter, he really doesn’t expect him to reach out again. Suddenly, he really is tired.
Before sleep takes him, he hears a notification. He groans, feeling around for his phone he left on the floor beside his mattress.
Eun-hyeok: You left your drink here.
Hyun-su: ypu can have it
He drops his phone back on the floor, typo unnoticed, and knocks out.