Work Text:
❦ ❦ ❦
If Nakahara Chuuya knew beforehand that this day would just bring him to the school infirmary for literally passing out in rage, he wouldn’t have bothered waking up at all.
Alas, Chuuya’s Ability isn’t Flawless or some other version of it that allows people to foresee the future.
So he was forced to endure this day like your regular highschool student who didn’t deserve all the bad karma in the world.
A small recap of how his day was, so far:
• rudely woken up in the morning because Kouyou-neesan screeched like a harpy when she saw someone upload a photo of Kyouka gobbling up crepes with that man-tiger freshman, never mind that ‘prim and proper’ and ‘Yamato Nadeshiko’ are the battlecries of their house
• got his coat nearly ripped because he took a shortcut so he wouldn’t be late for his Advanced Spellcasting class, and instead got an unwelcome eyeful of the man-tiger freshman as he was eaten alive, and oh god, half-naked, by the infamous rabid dog Akutagawa, and wow he so did not need another definition to the phrase ‘cats and dogs’
• had his lunch spoiled by the downpour of Higuchi’s tears as she mourned the fact that there were people who spread the rumors of her senpai (the one and only rabid dog) dating that wow-he-was-kinda-popular-now-that-he-thought-about-it man-tiger
• a subset of the previous bullet point: because women were wonderful, strong, scary creatures, Higuchi multitasked her grief with burning hatred at the fact that people didn’t gossip about her and her senpai instead; her hatred took form in the shape of wrecking the cafeteria that he regularly relied on for sustenance
• washed his face to get rid of the soot from the destroyed cafeteria, only to encounter another infamous person from their school - the slimier than slug and fishier than mackerel Dazai Osamu
• lost the ability to wear the damn unique ring he’s taken to wearing recently, because it had French inscriptions in it, rare in a country that welcomed supernatural abilities more than it welcomed foreigners; did he seriously become fatter after he was unable to eat lunch, what the hell
• almost blew his whole shebang of being a ‘prim and proper’ student who had zero angry outbursts and had the same calm smile no matter what kind of shit life threw at him, and oh boy, it threw a lot, but the alternative was to return to Mori-sensei’s anger management lessons and that’s the biggest turd in a steaming pile of shit, so no
• had aforementioned slimebag Dazai saunter into his homeroom during the ‘self-study time’ not because it really was ‘self-study time’, but because nobody could track down Fukuzawa-sensei, even after all the cat shelters in the vicinity were upended and all the Neko Atsume players rounded up
• in conjunction to the previous point, had the infamous-for-suicide-attempts-and-grade-A-lecherous-casanova-antics Dazai disrupt his homeroom and saunter right to his desk by the windows at the last row, before the other unceremoniously dropped what-should-have-been a unique ring, and oh fuck no
• still in conjunction to the previous point, because this was a disaster that almost had Chuuya ripping out his hair and by gods, he spent a lot of time styling his hair just so: they apparently took each other’s rings by accident during the face-washing incident and he hadn’t been able to stop Higuchi from loudly fantasizing about sharing the same rings as her senpai because it apparently meant DATING and ROMANCE and oh to all the hells no
• received a lecherous grin that was both sleazy and disgusted along with an undeserved line of ‘I’m grossed out to share rings with a random guy’, which was supported by half the girls in his class, because wow stupidity is apparently no big deal during this school’s entrance exams, and wow someone with a universal brand of ‘asshole alert’ on his face had fans, who knew
• was asked by Kunikida-sensei to drop by the faculty office, only for him to get the ‘no fornicating on campus with Dazai Osamu even if you’re boyfriends’, followed by the Sex Ed talk, only instead of gross slides of STDs and condoms-on-fruit, there was a powerpoint with lists and Chuuya could only take so much, which made him run away to the nurse’s office because nobody dared visit it because of Yosano-sensei, but he’d surmised that being beaten to half-death was a hundred times more preferable to hearing another word about being sexually active with Dazai Osamu—nonoNO he needs brain bleach stat
Chuuya turned over the bed he passed out on, exhausted from the mental recap he did. Small mercies included Yosano-sensei being away from here when he stumbled in, but oh god, he couldn't imagine maintaining mental fortitude and calmness when he had to attend class and be a good student and graduate as a certified magician all while the entire school merrily continued on thinking that he’s on a relationship with Dazai Osamu.
If Nakahara Chuuya knew beforehand that this day would just bring him to the school infirmary for literally passing out in rage, he wouldn’t have bothered waking up at all.
He believed in working hard for one’s goals though.
With that thought, he aggressively buried his face on the school-issued pillow and promptly slept, the bells for the next class soundly ignored in favor of sleep.
❦ to be continued ❦