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The thought came to him, as most of them tended to do, entirely at random from the recesses of his mind. That, or the Tardis had nudged him into it, but either way, once the thought of Jack Harkness struck him, it seemed to take root. Dancing with Amy and Rory on some far off planet, he can’t help but think, wouldn’t it be nice if Jack was here? Walking through some alien marketplace, spotting a stand of candied fruit he’d remember it had been a favorite of Jack’s when they traveled together on the tardis with Rose and wishing he could turn around and point it out to him. It seemed a bit cliché, seeing your old friend in everything like reminiscing over a lost lover, but in a way what else was Jack to him if not a lost love?
Well, not lost. Never lost, never gone, fixed forever, always there, a solid point in space and time never too far from the Doctor's reach. It’s a selfish thought. He knows it’s selfish, but it’s authentic, and he thinks Jack would respect that at least, so he doesn’t feel too guilty about it . There are plenty more things to feel guilty over, things he’s done to Jack especially.
Jack was lost to him in some ways, lost to the Doctor’s own hubris and mindless cruelty, his unwillingness to admit his own mistakes before it was too late to correct them. And he knows, deep down at the core of it- he knows what Jack has seen, what Jack has had to do to protect the Earth when the Doctor couldn’t interfere. Jack could never forgive him for his inaction or any other indiscretion- he shouldn’t, and the Doctor had decided a long time ago that he wouldn’t ask it of him.
It doesn’t stop the thoughts, though.
It doesn’t help when River comes around more- the day she first mentions his name in conversation the Doctor chokes on his tea, but River’s laughter is so delightful he can’t manage to glare at her. Of course they know each other- it doesn’t surprise him in the slightest once he thinks about it, and River’s sly grin at his questions makes him think they know each other very well. That isn't surprising either, really.
It’s Amy, in the end, who encourages him, in that backwards way of hers. She’s staring into the Tardis console, watching the photographs of his past pop up in a show that he’s certain is the ship's way of punishing him for being particularly rough on her repairs lately.
“Right.” He says, loudly, spinning his way around to flick irritability at the console, “That’s it, we’re gonna find Rory-“
“Who’s that?” Amy’s shriek nearly makes him lose his footing, and his gaze snaps back to screen to meet the smiling face of Jack Harkness.
Ah. Well.
“Doesn’t break the trend of stunningly attractive, though.” Amy points out, turning her grin on the Doctor with a meaningful wiggle of her eyebrows. “Who is he, then?”
“An old friend.” The Doctor answers, vague in the way he knows Amy will pick apart within seconds, but he’s growing slightly desperate here, and Jack's eyes are still staring at him from the monitor. He looks up at Amy instead, but realizes his mistake as she advances on him, a wicked smile on her face.
“I’m sure I’d love to meet him.” Amy practically purrs, glancing back at Jack’s grinning face on the Tardis screen.
“Absolutely not. Jack is very busy, you know, can’t just drop in-“
“Jack, huh?” Amy exclaims, and the Doctor curses himself as he spins on his heels to bolt away from his meddling friend. “Why’re you being so snippy? He’s not your ex, is he?” Amy laughs, but quickly cuts herself off at the expression her words draw to the Doctor’s face. “Oh my god, is he?”
“No!” The Doctor hisses, before grimacing. “Well. Maybe a little.”
Amy’s mouth drops open.
“Not like that!” He quickly adds at Amy’s expression, equal parts scandalized and, oddly, somewhat proud. “Didn’t know you had it in you, raggedy man.” She giggles after a long moment, glancing back at Jack’s picture with another wiggle of her eyebrows. “He’s quite the looker, you know.”
“He knows it too, don’t worry.” The Doctor grumbles, feeling his cheeks starting to heat up. Amy laughs, the sound bright and delightful as always, drawing a smile to the Doctor’s face despite his embarrassment.
“Wait, does River know?” She asks suddenly, her face suddenly suspicious, and the Doctor nearly laughs. “Oh yes, River knows.” He answers, exasperated, and instantly regrets it as Amy grins salaciously.
“Take me to meet him.”
The Doctor balks, turning to face his companion like she’s suddenly grown an extra appendage. “No! Absolutely not! Not going to happen!”
“Why not?” Amy asks, following him as he attempts to flee around the console.
“Aha, well,” the Doctor splutters, “Jack’s very busy, you know. Can’t just pop in on him.”
“Busy with what?” Amy prods, her face set with mischief, and the Doctor knows with dawning horror that she’s not going to let this one go.
“Protecting the Earth,” he tries anyway, gesturing vaguely, “full time job, couldn't interrupt.”
“You’re lying to me.” Amy decides, spinning on her heels and prancing back to the Tardis console. “Where is this Jack, then?”
“I told you, only I can use the Tardis systems- Amy!” He exclaims suddenly, having turned to see her scrolling through all the info his ship has on Captain Jack Harkness, displayed on the screen for Amy as if the Doctor isn't standing right there. The Doctor gapes. The Tardis must be more peeved at him than he thought- or, perhaps, she just always liked Jack.
“Says here his organization doesn’t exist anymore.” Amy tells him over the sound of his spluttering, voice smug. “Sounds like he’s available for a visit.”
The Doctor grimaces. “Ah. Right.” He leans over Amy’s shoulder, reading the details on the screen- he already knows, but it still sends a pang of sorrow through his hearts as his eyes scan a photo of the ruined plass above the old Torchwood hub. Oh, Jack.
Amy must glimpse the expression on his face, because she quiets, gazing up at him.
“Why don’t you want to see him?” She asks after a moment, and the Doctor sighs, pushing a hand through his hair as he steps away from his friend. “Jack is… complicated. In a lot of ways. And we’ve got a lot of complicated history. He wouldn’t want to see me.”
“But do you want to see him?” Amy questions, leaning back on the console and crossing her arms, tilting her head and looking at him with an odd, considering expression.
The words make him pause, fingers fumbling to a halt on the tardis console. He can’t lie to Amy- she’d know he was, and it’s hardly worth the effort to try. And has to admit- he does want to see Jack.
“It doesn’t matter what I want.” he says in the end, avoiding Amy’s sharp gaze and staring morosely at the console, still displaying that photo of Jack, grinning up from the screen in that wild, reckless way that sends the Doctor’s pulse racing. Amy only stares at him, eyebrows furrowing.
They stand in uncomfortable silence for a moment, until suddenly, they’re both thrown off their feet by the abrupt movement of the Tardis as she takes flight.
“Doctor, what did you do?” Amy shrieks, gripping one of the support beams as she struggles to pull herself upright, crashing back to the grating as the ship lands.
“It wasn’t me, blame her!” The Doctor shouts back over the roar of the engines, clambering to his feet as the shaking ship finally quiets and hurrying over to the console. “Why’ve we gone to Sto?” He asks the ship, frowning at the vague hum he receives in response and poking at the console in irritation. The Tardis’s hum sharpens in retaliation and the Doctor grumbles, turning to face the door before he freezes, watching the lock click open.
Amy hears it too, spinning on her heels with an alarmed noise as the door practically slams open.
And then Jack is there, silhouetted in the doorway with his coat billowing behind him like an action film star. The Doctor can’t help the way his breath catches in his throat, eyes wide as they lock onto Jack’s. His friend’s face is in stark contrast to the bright grin of his photograph, sharp and angry, hands curled into fists at his sides.
It’s Amy who breaks the sudden silence, gaping as her head swivels between him and Jack. “It’s him! Jack!”
Jack looks over at this, seeming to register for the first time that they’re not alone in the console room. His expression shifts too quickly for the Doctor to decode before they fall flat, looking Amy up and down with a raised eyebrow. When he turns back to the Doctor his anger seems to have drained out of him, and the Doctor’s hearts crack as he gazes into his friend's eyes. Oh, Jack...
Jack seems to see it, shaking his head in quiet resignation before his face splits into a small smile, worn and broken but still so inherently Jack that the Doctor can’t help grinning back.
It seems to be all they need before they’re colliding, Jack’s strong arms wrapping around his torso and lifting him momentarily as they practically collapse into a hug. The Doctor can feel Jack’s fingers gripping almost desperately to the back of his jacket, and he buries his face in the shoulder of Jack’s woolen greatcoat with a shaky sigh. Jack is murmuring under his breath, a quiet prayer of Doctor, Doctor, Doctor… The undeniable, immovable fact that is Jack Harkness wraps around his senses as they cling to each other, whiting out their surroundings like the black hole Jack has always been.
Somehow, it’s both predictable and startling as Jack suddenly pulls back from their embrace, pulling the Doctor’s face into a bruising kiss. Heat surges suddenly through the Doctor as he kisses back, hands flying to Jack’s lapels as he tugs him closer, until his back hits the console and he jolts, Jack’s steading grip on his hip the only thing preventing him from crashing to the floor.
Amy’s loud, cackling laughter suddenly registers as he rights himself, feeling his cheeks flush red as he meets Jack’s smirking gaze.
“Shut up.” He tells his friend firmly, poking a finger to his chest, and he definitely does not squeak as Jack’s fingers pinch teasingly at his backside.
“Right!” He steps quickly away from Jack, who simply leans against the console, grinning in that lopsided, mischievous way that makes the Doctor’s stomach flip. He turns back to Amy, only to blanch at the equally mischievous expression on her face. He groans, burying his face in his hands.
“So, Doc,” Jack starts, pushing off the console and sauntering towards them, “And the Doctor’s companion.” he winks at Amy, ignoring the Doctor’s spluttering protests as he turns his attention back to him. “What brings you here?”
“...The Tardis took us.” The Doctor answers, turning his back to his friends to fiddle with a few dials. He can hear Jack’s contemplative hum from behind him, though he doesn’t turn, flipping a lever he’s honestly not sure the purpose of. Nothing seems to happen, so he deems it unproblematic.
“I was asking him about you, actually.” Amy chimes in, and the Doctor whirls around, pointing a finger at Amy in warning, although she only smirks at him before turning back to Jack. “I wanted to come meet you.”
“Oh yeah?” Jack grins, “Well, it is certainly a treat to meet a lovely lady like you.”
“Stop it! Off limits!” The Doctor shoves his way in front of Amy, arms spread protectively. Jack grins, his eyes sparkling. “Tell me, Doctor, why is it that all of your friends are so achingly attractive?”
“That’s what I said!”
“Shut up.” He says, loudly, although he’s not sure which of his friends he’s speaking to. It’s a futile effort, really. Between Amy and Jack, he’s not sure he’ll ever have a moment of peace again.
It’s a surprisingly happy thought.