Archive of Our Own

Chan looked up in surprise when Felix entered the room alongside their manager. He'd been waiting for too long already, confused and nervous about the reason he'd been brought in. He hadn't gotten much information, just that there was an important matter to discuss about the group.

It wasn't uncommon that management talked to him alone and expected him to inform the kids about the changes or shortcomings of the company. As the leader, he just had to put up with that. But there was no comeback standing up right now. No tour going on. For once, it seemed like there was some calm. A small space for them to breathe.

A few weeks ago, the company had cleared this spot in their schedules. The reasoning had been vague, something about the group needing to take care of their health and taking some time to recover. He hadn't questioned it, then. He'd take any off time he could get. Now, however, something about that felt off.

"Thank you for coming," the manager said to Chan, waiting for Felix to take a seat before he sat down at the table himself. He sat across from Chan, Felix at the side of the table. He didn't look up at Chan, staring straight at the wooden surface in front of him with a blank expression.

"What's this about?" Chan asked, looking at Felix worried.

"We're here today to discuss a quite urgent matter," the manager started, making Chan look at him.

"About what?"

"About a clause in your contact, Chan-ssi."

Chan frowned slightly.

"The contract? What clause? What is this?"

He was getting increasingly more confused, looking between Felix and the manager. When Felix kept staring down, unmoving, the manager sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on the table.

"Your dating ban has been lifted in 2021. So you're free to see people as you like. But you signed in your contracts that, should any of your teammates present without a secure partner, and refuse an institution for cycles, the responsibility is on the group to take care of this. As the leader, it's your job to take care of them. So, I'm leaving the choice to you."

Chan's lips parted, and he blinked a few times.

"Cy...cles?"

"Heats. Ruts. That kind of thing."

Chan swallowed and nodded.

"Yeah. I know. But this case has never actually happened. All of us are already presented. No one struggled with their cycles so far."

He wetted his lips, glancing over at Felix. He was still wordlessly staring down. Chan frowned.

"Is something wrong?"

"Felix-ssi has refused institutionalization for his upcoming heat."

Chan squinted at the omega.

"Lix-ah? Did something happen? What’s with your boyfriend?"

No reply came. Chan was getting worried, leaning closer to Felix. That's when he noticed the scent patches on his neck, poking out from under his sweatshirt.

"Hey. What's wrong, mate?"

Felix took a shaky breath, and he looked like he was nearly trembling, but he never looked up. He was like frozen, unable to face Chan in this situation.

"Felix-ssi contacted management to let us know that he no longer has a reliable contact for his cycle. He refused a clinic, too. Therefore, it is up to the group to take care of him through his upcoming heat."

Chan looked up at the manager.

"I don't understand."

"To the public, your group is presented as a pack. It shouldn't be controversial to outsiders. This is the last resort, but that's why that clause exists. He can't go through his heat alone for health reasons. It is up to you whether you'll step up or ask one of the other alphas in Straykids to take him in."

Chan took a deep breath, looking back at Felix.

"Lix. What's this? Why didn't you tell me something happened between you and..." Chan's brows furrowed when he saw a small tear running down Felix's cheek. He looked up at the manager, rubbing his thighs with his hands.

"I will think about it. I'll get back to you."

"You have a week to consider. His pre-heat could set in any day now."

Chan didn't know what to say. He watched the manager leave the room and then looked back at Felix once they were alone. He shook his head, taking a moment to collect his thoughts. Then he put a hand on Felix's shoulder.

"Did you break up?"

Felix's lips were pursed now, and he was still staring down when he finally spoke up.

"Yes."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Did something happen between you and him?"

Felix shrugged.

"What do I know? It's not like I'm around enough to know what's going on in his life. I'm never home. I forgot the name of his dog. I couldn't be there for his rut. I couldn't be there for his birthday. I couldn't be there when his mother passed away. I couldn't be a good boyfriend for him. I couldn't be a good omega."

Chan clenched his jaw, unsure of what to say. He rubbed Felix's shoulder slowly.

"That's the idol life, Felix-ah. It's the price we all pay for the life of our dreams."

"Who do you see?" Felix asked, finally looking up. When his eyes met Chan, it felt like an accusation.

Chan knew he hadn't done Felix any wrong. And yet, it felt like he'd been punched in the gut the moment Felix's gaze met his. An ugly hope screaming to be heard by Chan. A bitter desire that he had to swallow back down before it could wash up the casualties of the war against his emotions all those years.

"I'm not seeing anyone," Chan replied, keeping his calm.

"For your ruts, hyung."

"Yeah. Like I said. No one."

Felix's eyes widened slightly.

"We're not allowed to spend them alone."

Chan let out a small chuckle. Better to laugh than to let Felix see the grimace on his face.

"I know. Are you gonna tell on me?"

"Does anyone else know?"

Chan shook his head.

"I made someone up. I book a hotel room and spend it by myself. I don't like company very much during my ruts."

Felix tiled his head, eyes softening at Chan's words.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you were dealing with that."

"I know it's not the right thing to do. You did right asking for help. But why didn't you agree to a heat clinic? You've been to one before. They can’t be that bad, Innie goes to one too."

Felix's eyes flickered down again, and he picked on his fingernails under the table.

"I don't want a clinic. I don't want to spend my heat with a nameless alpha who gets paid to cover me in his scent. I can't handle that on top of the break-up."

Chan sighed, an understanding look on his face.

"I get that, Lix. I do. But you know what you're doing, right? To the public, we're an official pack. They expect us to step up and take care of this. You know what that means, right?"

Felix huffed, leaning his arms onto the table and sliding forward until his chest hit the wood.

"Why? Am I too undesirable even for my own pack?"

Chan swallowed hard. There was no pack. There never had been. That was nothing but a tactic used by many companies to market the relationships of a kpop group as pack dynamics. Ever since a rookie group of the third generation had tried this method, many companies had followed and sold off their idol groups as packs. The close ties between the members attracted people easily. But it wasn't a secret that most of that was staged. The trend was already dying down again with the fifth generation.

Straykids wasn't a pack, and Chan was no pack alpha—yet here he was. Looking at his omega, who wasn't his omega. Asking if he was too undesirable for his pack. Chan cleared his throat.

"No. You could never be. Your pack loves you." I love you, went unsaid. But Chan digressed.

"So take care of me, hyung. This once. I promise I'll find someone for the next one. If not, I'll do the clinic. But just this once, let it be more than fan service."

"I'm not leaving you alone, Felix. I told you to always find me. I meant it. Don't feel lonely, yeah? I'm always here. Always find hyung."

He squeezed Felix's shoulder slightly, making him look up again. This time, his gaze was weak and teary. It hurt Chan deeper than it should have.

He'd always had a soft spot for the omega. His Australian friend. The boy who'd barely spoken a word of Korean, travelling the world with nothing but a shabby suitcase and a dream.

All that love he'd habored for that boy was coming to haunt him now. Fucking him over and making him stumble down pathetically. He was falling right into that deadly trap he could never get out of again once he set a foot inside. A single touch, and it would snap. And Chan was oh so ready to be caught.

____________

He should have asked any of them, really. Changbin was an alpha who wasn't in anything committed. He simply had a friends with benefits situation for his cycles and had always been open to other acquaintances outside of that. Minho frequently spent his ruts with Jisung, despite swearing off any further involvement. He was a territorial alpha, but Chan was sure he'd help out their sweet sunshine omega if asked.

Hell, even Jeongin would surely be open to it. He was the only one who actually visited clinics regularly out of their group. He'd never been interested in a relationship so far, seeming happier to spend his ruts under medical surveillance with some rental omega at his disposal. He would definitely help Felix if he was asked. Any alpha would, in their right mind, help Felix if asked. And maybe that's exactly why Chan didn't ask any of them.

Maybe it was selfish. Maybe it was greedy. Maybe all the years of emotional constipation were catching up with him. Chan told himself he was taking one for the team, but it was hard to lie to himself for longer than till his next evening shower. If 1am could still be considered evening.

The pictures just wouldn’t leave his head. Felix, looking at him with those big, round eyes, asking Chan to take care of him. Chan knew what that meant. Felix might have made it sound innocent, but the reality was far from that. The truth of the matter was that Felix had asked Chan to spend a heat with him. Something reserved for lovers, in Chan’s humble opinion. He knew he wouldn’t be able to play it cool once this was over.

Chan didn’t have to lie and pretend like he didn’t favor Felix over the other kids sometimes. There was just no use in that—all of them already knew it. A simple truth. Felix was Chan’s favorite. He’d long stopped trying to deny this. Felix himself knew, and had sometimes used it to his advantage. A simple “Channie hyuuung,” was enough to make him cave and scramble to help Felix with whatever he needed.

Chan was generally known to be a giant softie for the kids. But they really had no idea how far Chan was willing to go for his favorite omega. His own heart on a silver platter. He’d feed it to Felix, piece by piece, if he wanted to. He’d let him still his thirst with Chan’s own blood and then apologize for the mess. He would clean it up for Felix and bathe him in a bath of his tears after turning to ashes from his burning soul. There was nothing in the world he would ever be able to deny Felix. And Felix had just asked his life of him.

___________

“I texted the manager I’d take care of it,” Chan said, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Felix looked up at him while eating his cereal, sending Chan a warm smile at the news.

“Thanks. I’m really glad I don’t have to spend five days in a room that smells like scent-neutralizer and artificial pheromones.”

Chan chuckled, nodding at Felix’s words.

“Sure. Do you, uh, wanna spend it at the dorms with Seungmin or want me to book a hotel?”

Felix brought his spoon down, swirling it through the cereal in his bowl. They suddenly had his full attention, and Chan wasnt sure if Felix’s sudden shyness was a good or a bad sign for him.

“I was kind of hoping I could stay at yours and Innies dorm.”

“Oh.” And your heart, please, Channie. Your heart and your body and your entire soul. Chan had knows he’d agree before Felix had even voiced his question.

“That works, too. You know the code, yeah? You can come over whenever and bring stuff. I can also help you if you need anything with you, um… I’m not really a…heat expert.”

Felix let out a small giggle that made Chan melt a little.

“How much experience do you have, hyung?” He asked, now looking curious.

“With heats? Very little. Mostly theory and anecdotal knowledge.”

“You never spent one with someone?”

“No. Not yet. But um, I’ve been reading online…”

Felix laughed at that, taking another bite of his cereal.

“Of course you would. Find anything interesting yet?”

Chan shrugged.

“I dunno. But um. Do you, um. Nest?”

“I do, yeah. Do you mind?”

“No, no ofcourse not. Just asking. I wanna be prepared, y’know. Just. This is just new for me. But I’ll… We’ll get through it. I’m doing my best. I’ll do what I can to comfort you.”

Felix’s lips curled into a smile again.

“Thanks, mate. I appreciate that. I need to be coddled a bit before I can face the shitty dating pool for the idol scene again.”

Chan let out a short laugh, but it got stuck in his throat halfway out. He nodded and exhaled.

“Sure, um. I’ll leave you to it. Call me if you need anything, yeah?”

“Will do. Alpha,” Felix purred, giving him a cheeky grin. That typical grin that Felix did when he was teasing on purpose. Chan turned around so fucking fast that he nearly made a full 360 degrees turn.

Alpha. Alpha. Alpha.

Chan groaned, burying his face in the mattress of his bed. The voice hadn’t left his mind the entire day. He must have gone insane by now. There was no way he was going to survive this if Felix decided to use that word with him again. It did things to Chan that he didn’t like. A bunch of tightly shut cans of worms somewhere in the back of his mind had been ripped open, and long repressed and forgotten feelings had started pooling to the surface. He knew he was going to drown.

“Shut up,” Chan growled, trying to will his own wolf to be silent again. It had been giving him a headache all day since that instance in the morning. Felix telling him he wanted to be coddled by Chan, immediately followed by his admission that he wanted to look into the dating scene again afterwards.

“He doesn’t mean this. This is nothing. It’s nothing to him, it’s nothing to me. It’s nothing to anyone. It’s fine. I’m just being a good hyung.” He was so not fine right now.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, and he quickly sat up.

“Yeah?”

The door opened, revealing Felix, carrying a bag with him.

“Hi. I know this is kinda early, but I think me pre-heat set in and I kinda felt like starting my nest… If it’s a bad time it’s fine, I’ll come back tomorrow.”

“No, it’s… You’re good, come in. I said whatever you need.”

Felix nodded with a small smile and slipped into the room, puting his bag down on the edge of Chan’s bed.

“Where do you wanna make it?” Chan asked, looking around in his room. “I could get you an extra mattress or something. Where do you usually make them?”

“Usually… On Taejun’s bed.”

“Do it on my bed, then.” Chan had spoken before he’d had the time to think this over. But he wasn’t gonna take it back. Felix opened his bag.

“Are you sure? Your bed’s not that big, and it will stay here for a while… “

“I don’t care. I’ll sleep on the couch if necessary.” Okay, maybe he wasn’t being all chill and nonchalant about this like planned. But then again, Felix had walked in here seconds after Chan had been gripping his hair and coughing up his guilt in buckets, so he allowed himself to excuse the little slip-up.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll keep it on one side of the bed.”

Chan didn’t say anything else. He feared he would just start to cry, or maybe something even more embarrassing, like beg Felix to spread his nest over the entire bed so he could sleep in it as well, surrounded by Felix’s scent. Yeah, it was probably for the best if he just stayed silent for now. It was late anyways.

“Fuck, Christopher, get it together,” Chan hissed, staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror while he was white-knuckling the sink. Felix’s scent had covered the entirety of his room and was even now still occupying his senses, making him feel so out of control.

“You’re just tired. Go to sleep,” he muttered. But he knew that would be impossible with Felix’s clothes all over his bed. Soon enough, Felix’s scent would cover him as well. Other people could think he’d been scented.

Chan would die to be scented by someone like Felix. No, scratch that, he would die to be scented by Felix specifically. But this was just pathetic. Getting the omega’s scent all over him because he was Felix’s rental alpha for the week, and his dorm Felix’s heat clinic. There should be nothing desirable about his situation. He would help Felix through this and then everything would go back to normal, exactly how things had always been.

Except things had never been great to begin with, and Chan knew that he would never be the same, even if Felix could. Tiredness and Felix’s sweet scent were clouding his mind. He knew he wasn’t thinking straight, but when had he ever, when it came to Felix? No, Chan would not go back to normal after this. Partly because he knew that once he crossed this line, there was no going back for him. But mostly because he’d never been normal about Felix in the first place. But he wasn’t ready to face that truth yet.

“Chris?” The knock on the bathroom door forced Chan back into the moment.

“Coming,” Chan replied, running a hand through his hair before opening the door again. He stared at Felix who was smiling at him like always. It wasn’t like Felix didn’t sometimes stay over, cuddled up to Chan through the night. Chan could handle so much. He could tell himslef it was affection between friends. But when he looked up, he could now see the first layer of a nest on his bed.

Felix’s nest. In his bed. In preparation for his heat. That was more than a bit of affection between friends. And Chan hated more than anything that he couldn’t lie to himself this time.

“You look a bit pale,” Felix said. He stepped closer, cupping Chan’s face with one hand. “Your scent’s off, too. You’re so tense. Are you stressed?”

Chan wetted his lips, shaking his head. Of course he knew that hiding his feelings from Felix was impossible and would only lead to problems. But he couldn’t even be honest with himself right now, so telling Felix the truth absolutely wasn’t an option currently.

“Is the heat thing stressing you out, Chris?”

“It’s just unfamiliar,” Chan replied, squeezing Felix’s arm gently. “It’s new to me. Nervousness, I guess. Don’t worry about it. Nothing you should worry about.”

“I’ve always worried about you a little bit too much,” Felix admittd quietly. Chan took a deep inhale, not knowing what to say. Of course he felt the same. But Felix wouldn’t get that. Their connection was pure as of now. Felix was pure. Always would be, in Chan’s eyes. But Chan wasn’t. He was wicked. He had ulterior motives that Felix could never know about lest the past years and their entire friendship all went to shit within minutes.

“Don’t. I’’ll be fine. I’m supposed to take care of you, aren’t I?” He chuckled.

“My heat isn’t there yet. Until then, I’ll worry about you the same way I always do. I don’t wanna burden you with this.”

“You never burden me.” At least so much he knew. He didn’t have to lie about this. “Let’s sleep this out. Are you gonna stay?”

“If you’ll have me.”

“Always, Felix. Always find me.”

Felix nodded, allowing Chan to lead him back to the bed, snuggling up in his nest. He was so proud of it. In the past years, time had been so limited around his heat that he’d barely had the chance to build a real nest when visiting his boyfriend. He’d had to make do with the bits of fabric and a few blankets and throw pillows laying around. His omega was purring in happieness at the feeling of a real, soft nest surrounding him.

“Sleep well, Lix.” Chan pulled his blanket up, watching Felix curled up in his little nest.

“Thank you for this. I’m really so grateful, Chris,” Felix whispered. Chan smiled. He would smile as long as he still could.

“Of course. It’s my duty, as your pack alpha. And as your best friend. And as your hyung.”

Felix blinked at him seleepily, seeming to think about his words.

“Your duty?”

“Mh,” Chan nodded.

Felix watched him for a while until Chan’s eyes fluttered close in the darkness of the room.

“Hyung?”

Chan’s eyes opened fast at the title.

“Hm?”

Felix studied his expression for a moment before going on.

“Are you doing this because of the contract?”

Chan let out a small sigh, his hand finding Felix’s through the mess of clothes and blankets between them. Was he? He wasn’t sure he had an answer for that question, nor whether he wanted one. Maybe it was better if none of them knew the answer.

“Let’s sleep, yeah? You’ll need the energy soon.”

Felix obviously wasn’t satisfied with that answer. But he nodded anways, finally closing his eyes as well. Chan rubbed slow circles into the back of Felix’s hand with his thumb, watching his soft expression in the dark. It was almost like Felix belonged here. Next to him. In his arms. By his side. All Chan could do was to close his eyes, too, and hope to forget about the picture of having his omega so close. Close enough to touch, but not close enough to keep. His own, personal hell.

______________

He couldn’t actually pretend and say that Felix’s pre-heat had gone by well. After realizing the first night Felix had stayed over that sleeping next to the omega while he was smelling increasingly more sweet and enticing was not an option, Chan had moved to the living room and was working on tracks like a man possessed. Jeongin had obviously found out what was going on at some point, but only sent Chan a few worried looks that he ignored in the name of keeping his cool.

Though he’d been counting down the days to Felix’s heat, the moment it hit, Chan felt wholly unprepared. Felix was panting and squirming in his nest when Chan arrived, having gotten a call from the omega somwehre around noon. As soon as he entered the room, a thick wall of pheromones hit him and amped up all of his senses to a hundred.

“Felix. You okay, mate? I’m here now.” He kneeled on the mattress next to the nest. Felix was reaching for him blindly, his pants pooling around his ankles. He seemed to have tried to take them off but failed at it, legs kicking out in frustration.

“Let me help,” Chan said carefully, reaching for the bunched up fabric. He pulled it over Felix’s feet, setting him free.

“Alpha,” Felix breathed, tugging Chan closer as soon as he was freed.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘m here, Lix.” He allowed himself to be pulled into the nest, welcoming a sweaty Felix in his arms. “I got you.”

Felix started rubbing himself into Chan’s side feverously. His scent was slipping through every crack and pore into Chan, forcing every bit of attention onto the poor omega.

“Alpha please.”

“What do you need?”

Felix only whined loudly, burying his face in a pillow and arching his back. Chan bit his lip. Of course he understood what Felix war trying to tell him. He knew that sooner or later, Felix would ask him for more. And he would give, because that’s all he could ever do.

“Good omega,” Chan praised him, running a hand soothingly up and down Felix’s deeply arched back. “So good, Lix. I’ll help you now, okay? I’ll give you a finger, yeah? You tell me if anything hurts.”

Chan slowly trailed his hand down to Felix’s leaking hole, watching him for any signs of discomfort. But Felix was melting under his touch, and when Chan circled the pad of his middle finger over Felix’s fluttering entrance, he let out such a needy whimper that Chan was certain he could bust a nut from the sound alone.

“Shhh, relax, Felix. Let alpha in.”

Felix shuddered from Chan’s voice, and he let out a broken moan when Chan’s finger finally pressed inside. Chan felt the give a few times before breaching the muscle, wiggling it slightly before sinking it deeper. Felix was breathing faster now, and Chan could see the slick gushing out around his finger in real time. It was nothing less of erotic. He was dying for a taste. But that little voice inside his head convinced Chan that he shouldn’t. Because that would be indulgence, and he wasn’t here for that. He was here to help Felix, nothing more. This was nothing but a moment of weakness.

Felix’s hips tried to meet the intrusion, and Chan could see the way his legs buckled when his finger had finally entered to the knuckle.

“Hyung, alpha,” Felix rasped. His voice was so deep, it sent a shiver down Chan’s spine.

“Yeah. Alpha’s here.” Chan felt his wolf growling inside his chest. His alpha had always been a little too demanding. A little too rough and greedy when it came to his sweet boy Felix. Chan absolutely had to keep it in check and not slip a single time, or he’d be done for.

“Where is it, hm?” Chan asked softly, curling his finger in different directions. Felix was whining quietly, trying to rock back against Chan’s finger. It took him another moment before he finally found the spot and rubbed over the little bundle of nerves that made Felix cry out in pleasure and thrash.

“Alpha, ngh!” Felix moaned, hips bucking at the sensation.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I found it. Let alpha help you.”

Felix’s breath came in whiny, stuttered, erratic gasps while he was fighting to stay in place for Chan. When he angled his fingers just right, Felix cried out and his knees slipped.

“Alpha, alpha,” Felix babbled, fratically pawing at Chan for leverage.

“Woah, woah, little one. There, let’s turn you around.” Chan helped Felix to get onto his back. As soon as he could see Chan again, he was clinging onto him.

“Need— need you alpha, wanna be full please, nghhh,” Felix pleaded. He was gripping Chan’s shirt tightly, nails scratching Chan’s back even through the fabric.

Chan didn’t say anything else, knowing that Felix didn’t care much for words right now. Felix’s scent was absolutely dizzying. Chan had to physically restrain himself from diving down between Felix’s legs head-first and drink up his slick likea a starved man. It’s what his wolf wanted, though, so Chan couldn’t give in to it.

Just one taste, his wolf was begging. Just a lick of his fingers would be enough for the addictive sweetness to spread in his mouth. But Chan knew how dangerous that was. It would work faster and stronger than any aphrodisiac and destroy any abilities of Chan to think or speak coherently, instead turning him into a desperate madman, a primal animal lusting after every bit of Felix’s being. He could never risk nearing Felix’s neck with his sharp teeth in that state.

So he pushed all of those thoughts down and brought two fingers to Felix’s entrance this time. The squelch was obscene, and Chan had to suppress a growl from his wolf, which was irritated with Chan’s refusal to taste the sweetly splayed out omega under him.

“F-Fuck, god, yes, alpha, ugh!” Felix’s eyebrows furrowed deeply and his back arched off the bed at the intrusion. His scent was reaching new peaks every other moment. Every shoot of pleasure through Felix’s body was making his sounds a little needier and his pheromones a bit sweeter, stronger, harsher; it was stinging in Chan’s lungs.

Chan was breathing with an open mouth now to avoid smelling more of the intoxicating sweetness. His head was hanging low, Felix’s nails scratching all over his back. One hand had even made it under Chan’s shirt, digging deeply into his skin. He couldn’t feel any of the pain. All he could think of was Felix. Felix, Felix, Felix. He was all encompassng, intoxicating, and so, so willing. It would be so easy to sink his teeth in. That untouched little patch of skin at his neck was spreading the pheromones that were calling Chan like a siren song.

Felix was moaning like he wanted it. Trembling and thrashing under Chan’s touch like he was begging the alpha to claim him. Chan clenched his jaw tightly, gritting his teeth. He had to focus, had to control every single muscle in his body so he wouldn’t do something irrevocable. Felix would hate him if Chan lost control. It could never be undone. They would never be the same.

The company would probably seperate them immediately and try to cover up Felix’s mark, and they would possibly even force Felix to leave the group. JYP could even sue him for what he did to Felix. Mating bites weren’t allowed, and this could lead to StrayKids’ downfall. A dramatic controversy would be their legacy to the industry where they had once been known as legends. Chan could not let that happen.

“Alpha,” Felix hiccupped, suddenly grabbing Chan’s hair with one hand. He pulled Chan’s head closer, pressing his nose up against Felix’s neck. Right into the crook where his sugary sweet scent was flowing out. Chan moaned against his skin, fingers curling mercielessly inside of Felix. His entire hand was covered in slick by now, but his mind had a new fixation.

Chan’s jaw hung open over the soft skin. Perfect and unmarked. Sweaty and lightly swollen. Smelling of everything that Chan had ever wanted. Everything that Chan could never have.

Felix’s scent had him on the edge. His lips brushed against a bit of warm skin, and he exhaled hot air against the spot. Every muscle was tensing up. The proximity alone, and the drug that was Felix’s sweet scent had Chan’s mind teetering a dangerous line.

“Felix,” Chan breathed, “omega. My….” he sucked in a sharp breath, trying to shake his head. No. No, Felix wasn’t his. He shouldn’t say it. He shouldn’t make Felix believe it. He was too deep into his heat to understand what was going on. But he only inhaled more of his personal aphrodisiac. Felix was squeezing around his fingers hard. He was so close, wailing out in mind-numbing pleasure.

“Gonna get you there, Lix,” Chan rasped. He used his arm to thrust his fingers slightly instead of just curling them, and it didn’t take long until Felix couldn’t hold on any longer.

“Show alpha. Show how good you are.”

The moment Felix came, Chan felt his eyes rolling back. The well of slick and pheromones gushing out of Felix was overstimulating all of his senses at the same time, and for a moment Chan almost thought he was going to cum untouched just from how intense all of it was. His breath stuttered and Felix’s skin was calling out to him, and suddenly his free hand was around Felix’s neck. He had no idea when that had happened, only that he was delirious, out of his mind, mouthing over Felix’s scent gland with itching gums.

A deep growl ripped him out of his own daze. It took him a moment to realize he was the one who made that sound. His vision was slowly returning, and that’s when reality crashed into him hard.

Chan sat up so fast he instantly felt dizzy, but it didn’t matter. He scrambled off of Felix, who grabbed for any part of him in panic immediately. Chan stumbled and fell off the bed, feeling Felix’s sweaty hands clamping around his ankle.

“Let me go, Lix, please, I need to…” He needed to get away. He needed to breathe. But Felix didn’t let go, so Chan pulled on his leg frantically until it came free. He didn’t care if he looked pathetic, half crawling on the floor.

“Alpha don’t leave,” Felix sobbed, trying to go after Chan.

“Alpha won’t leave,” Chan panted, finally getting onto his feet now. “I’ll be back before you know it. Wait for alpha. I’m just… getting water,” Chan said, not knowing what else to tell Felix. Then, he ripped the door open and closed it behing him, making a run for the nearest soft surface, which was the living room couch.

Chan collapsed in the couch cushions, burying his face in his hands. Tears were welling up behind his eyes, and he wasn’t sure if it was from guilt or relief. He hadn’t done it. Felix was unscathered. He’d kept his control. But at what price?

Before Chan could spiral any further, the front door opened and Jeonging entered the dorm apartment. He tossed his keys away, nose flairing slightly when he caught a whiff of heat pheromones swirling through the hallway. He saw Chan sitting in the living room and frowned.

“Channie hyung? You good? I thought you were with— Hyung?” He stepped closer now, not believing his eyes when he saw Chan trembling hard, hiding his face. “Hyung, what’s wrong?”

Jeonging touched his shoulder, but Chan flinched away.

“What happend? Where’s Felix hyung?”

“He’s fine,” Chan brought out, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. He was overwheled, but he knew he didn’t have much time before Felix would seriously start to panic and cry for help.

“What’s happening? Why are you shaking? Hyung, should I call an ambulance?”

“No,” Chan quickly replied, forcing his hands to lower slowly so he could face Jeongin. “It’s fine, it’s all under control. I’m good, Ayen.”

“You’re not good, hyung. You’re shaking. What happened?”

Chan just shook his head.

“This is because of Felix, isn’t is?”

Chan looked up at him, not knowing what to say. It’s not like he could lie to his youngest member. Jeonging always knew, even if it didn’t appear that way.

“You knew this would happen, hyung. You need help.”

“Felix needs me,” was all Chan said. He got up slowly, but Jeongin pushed him back into the couch.

“You’re not fine. You’re out of your mind. You’re hurting yourself, hyung.”

“I don’t care!” Chan suddenly yelled, squeezing his hands to fists. “I made a promise and I’m going to keep it.”

Jeongin was stunned, taking a step back. Chan might not be his literal pack alpha, but his words still carried authority. Jeongin was not going to fight Chan on this. At least not on his own. It was useless to try and keep Chan away from Felix. The omega was like a beautiful flower, and Chan the bee that found its way back to the sweet nectar time and time again. They couldn’t be seperated. And Chan was just as willing to die stinging anyone that got between him and his favorite flower.

“Let me help you, hyung,” Jeongin pleaded. Chan had gotten up again, walking back towards his room.

“Don’t touch him,” Chan growled, low and threatening.

“I don’t want your omega. I want to take care of you.”

“I’m fine. This isn’t about me.” With that, Chan opened the door to his room. The scent hit Jeongin so hard that he stumbled back, gasping for air. It was sweet and bitter at the same time. Fear, arousal, and despair were poisoning the air around them, and Jeongin immediately ran to open all the windows in their apartment, leaning his chest outside until the dizzying fog left his head again.

When he was able to go back, he realized to his horror that Chan’s door was shut again, the two of them back inside of the room together. Jeongin cursed under his breath. He paced through the hallway a few times, considering his options. He kept staring at the door of Chan’s room, hearing the pityful whines of Felix. Eventually, he pulled oout his phone and clicked on Minho’s contact.

“Iyennie, miss me?” Minho asked upon answering his phone.

“Hyung, Chan isn’t doing well.” Jeongin didn’t beat around the bush, getting straight to the point. “He’s spending Felix’s heat with him and I don’t think he’s handling it well.”

“Felix’s heat?” Minho blurted out. “What, why would he—”

“I know as much as you, hyung. But he was shaking and he didn’t look good and I think he’ll hurt himself.”

“Okay. Is he with Felix right now? Are they in danger?”

“They’re in his room togehter. Chan was shaking earlier and he seemed out of his mind. I don’t know what they’re doing and I can’t go inside because of the scent…”

“Wait there. Hyung’s coming. Stay at the door and listen for any signs that one of them is in pain.”

“Hyung, they’re going to fuck in there!”

“I don’t care, if Channie bites him your trauma is going to be greater than listening to some live porn, trust me.”

Jeongin didn’t get to reply before Minho had hung up the phone.

Jeonging had nothing left to do than wait. So far, it didn’t sound like anyone got hurt. There was no screaming, no loud crying, just a few whines and moans here and there. All of them sounded like Felix. Jeongin wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad sign that he couldn’t hear anything coming from Chan.

When Minho finally got there, Jeongin was relieved.

“They seem fine right now,” Jeonging muttered, stepping away from the door. He’d heard enough. Minho just gave him a nod and knocked on the door. When he didn’t get a reply, Minho eventually pushed the door open. The scent was still as intense as before, but for some reason, Minho seemed mostly unbothered by that. He took a look at the bed, seeing Chan turn his head to meet Minho’s eyes. He looked surprised to see him.

“Hyung? Are you..?” Mino looked at the omega curled up with his back to Chan’s chest, trying to tell if they were still connected. Felix seemed to be at least half-asleep. Chan licked his lips, nodding eventually.

Minho siged and stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He walked through the room and opened the window to let in fresh air, then he grabbed a chair and sat down, facing the bed.

“I didn’t wanna talk about it like this, hyung.”

Chan looked confused now, hugging Felix a little tighter.

“Look. I know how you feel about him. You don’t have to act like offering to spend his heat with him was all selfless of you.”

“I didn’t offer,” Chan said, one hand now sliding over Felix’s ear, making sure he couldn’t hear them even in his dizzy state.

“Don’t worry. He won’t remember anything afterwards,” Minho said when he noticed.

“What? How do you know that?”

“Jisung.”

Chan shook his head.

“You’re no better than me with him.”

“This isn’t about who’s better, hyung. And besides. Jisung and me know how we feel about one another. Just because we don’t share these parts of our relationship with others doesn’t mean we don’t talk about it. But you and Felix don’t know how you feel about one another. And that’s the problem.”

Chan looked down at Felix slowly, watching his sweaty face and the way he huffed out little breaths.

“You and Jisung were meant to be from the start. Everyone could tell. It’s not the same for us. Felix wants to go back to dating after this. I’m just meant to watch him from afar and be happy about the time I get to spend with him.”

“You’re hopeless, hyung,” Minho scoffed, shaking his head. “Stop whining. He’s literally full of you as we’re speaking.”

“He already said he’ll go back to dating,” Chan said, sounding bitter. He looked back up at Minho, expression hardening. “I’ll be there for him every time he gets his heart broken. And I don’t care if that makes me the worst person, but I hope it keeps happening. I hope he never finds the one. I’d rather want him broken than gone.”

Minho squinted, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Shouldn’t you be all selfless? You’re usually the one who wants everyone happy and sacrifices himself for all of us.”

“Not this time,” Chan muttered. “Not with him. I can’t lose him.”

Minho tilted his head.

“You’ve been pretty selfless so far. You never intervened with his relationships. You kept your distance. What changed?”

Chan lets his head roll closer to Felix, taking a breath next to his scent gland and groaning quitely.

“He never allowed me this close. Now that I know what he feels like, I can’t give it up again.”

“You know that he’s vulnerable, right?”

Chan just stared at Minho for a moment before speaking up with him.

“I might not be able to be as rational as I used to, Minho. Can you promise me something?”

“What?” He asked.

“If I overstep, let me know. Just…hit me in the face or something. Crush my scull. Pull my hair out. I don’t care. Don’t let me hurt Felix.”

“You’re a lost case.”

Minho got up now, pushing the chair back to its original place.

“Please, Minho-ah. I need someone with an objective perspective. Was this a mistake? Did I take it too far?” Chan looked up at him with a pleading look, bracing for the impact of Minho’s words. He knew that Minho never sugarcoated. That’s exactly why he was asking him.

“You’ve always been a pushover for Felix. Don’t let him take things to far with you, hyung.”

With that, Minho opened the door and left the room.

_______________

Chan didn’t have much time to dwell on Minho’s last words the next few days. The days morphed together into a big mess, time becoming irrational when he was so close to Felix. Nothing felt quite real except for Felix. It all faded into the background and disappeared the moment Felix’s big eyes looked up at him and his soft, whiny purrs reached Chan’s ears.

He lost count of how many times he’d heard Felix begging for his knot. He only knew that he obliged every time, unable to deny the omega anything for even a moment. He gave Felix everything he asked for, till he finally came back to consciousness by the end of the week.

When Chan stepped in the studio for the first time afterwards, Changbin and Jisung looked up at him, their conversation coming to an abprupt stop. They stared at him in silence, making Chan confused.

“What’s up?” He asked, sitting down on the couch since Jisung was in the producer chair.

“How’s Felix?” Jisung asked, blinking a few times. Chan frowned slightly.

“Felix? Why?”

“We know, hyung,” Changbin interrupted.

“Ah.” Chan nodded, adjusting his beanie. “Felix is fine. He took a long bath and he’s sleeping now. He should be all fit again by tomorrow.” He looked at them with a small smile, as if this was a completely normal situation.

“Did you confess to him?” Jisung asked. Chan’s mouth fell open.

“Confess?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t…understand,” Chan chuckled, looking a bit nervous at Jisung’s question.

“Did you confess your feelings to him?”

Chan let out another breathy laugh, stopping when he saw that Changbin looked at hm just as expectantily.

“How the hell do you guys know about this? I never talked to any of you about Felix.”

“You’re obvious,” Changbin said, a crooked smile on his face.

“Really? How obvious?”

“Everybody and their mother knows you have a soft spot for Felix,” Changbin replied.

“If you kissed Felix, Seungmin owes me dinner. Did you?”

Chan stared at him, not knowing what to say.

“I came here to stop thinking about Felix, you know?”

“Oh my god, did you fight?” Jisung asked, eyes widening.

“What— No! No, we didn’t fight. I had a rough couple days, I’m here to work and take my mind off it.”

“How rough?” Changbin asked with a smirk.

“Honestly, I don’t remeber much of it. Can we just…?”

“Yeah, of course. Changbin hyung stop peing suggestive,” Jisung scolded.

“You thought the same thing!” Changbin yelled, looking betrayed while Jisung only snickered.

“Hannie-ah, did you work on that song I marked for you?” Chan asked, now getting up to take a look at the screens.

“Uhh, yes sir! You mean this one, right? I canged the base line during the bridge, I hope you don’t mind.”

______________

The kids mostly left him alone after that. Felix was glowing after his heat, the way an omega should. Wide smile, bright eyes, clear skin. Chan envied them for this feature. Alphas after their ruts usually looked like they had the worst hangover of their life and spent at least three days being moody and groggy. Felix looked like straight off a cover magazine.

Chan watched him whenever Felix wasn’t looking, and Minho in turn sent Chan meaningful looks. Chan mostly ignored it. As long as Minho didn’t pull him aside and tell Chan that he was acting weird, he figured he was doing fine. If he still laid awake for hours every night, unable to sleep because Felix’s fading scent and the absence of his nest didn’t let him, no one had to know.

He missed Felix in his bed. In his arms. Holding onto him. He missed the closeness and the touches. he missed being the one Felix turned to with his every need. And the worst of it was that Chan knew he would never have that again. Not this close.

It felt like the ceiling was staring back at him every night. Mocking him for being so stupid. Maybe he’d gotten delusional during Felix’s heat—thinking that someone like Felix would seek him out for more than some comfort. He was nothing but that—a shoulder to cry on for his best friend. An anchor in his chaotic life after a bad breakup. After every single breakup he had ever been through. Those were the only times Chan felt like he could be close to Felix without the naggig guilt telling him he was crossing a line. Filling a role that wasn’t meant for him.

Honestly, this was all his fault. If he hadn’t been so selfish, Felix could have spent his heat with someone else. And then Chan wouldn’t be sitting in his bed every night, forcing himself not to cry over this. He felt…used.

Felix couldn’t know how Chan felt about him. And yet, it was the worst Chan had felt in a long time. He’d helped Felix. He’d been there for him, sacrificed his working hours, his sleep, his bed, and his sanity to help Felix through this. And now he was alone in his cold bed while Felix was who-knows-where. Probably meeting some guy at a bar. Maybe hooking up in a club. Being with an alpha who had the privilege of being able to look Felix in the eyes and tell him just how amazing he was.

Felix was the sun himself. He was everything beautiful in Chan’s life. But he’d never been able to tell him so much without giving away his true feelings. He did not have that privilege. And he felt crazy at the thought that another alpha could ever have Felix in the way he did.

Chan felt so used. Disposable. Tossed to the side after he was done giving Felix everything. He couldn’t build resentment now. He couldn’t blame Felix for not knowing when he’d done everything to hide the truth for so long. It was entirely his own fault, and there was nothing he could do about it now.

Chan was about to pull the unfailable move of tossing his pillow to the foot end of his bed and turning around to finally get some sleep, when he heard a knock on his door. He looked up, worried about why Jeongin was still up at this hour. But peaking his head through the door was none other than the person who had been keeping him up these days.

“Felix? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you sleeping, it’s late.”

Felix slipped into the room, closing the door behind him.

“Minho told me to go to you,” he said quietly.

“Minho?”

“Seungmin told me to call Minho and Minho told me to go to you.”

Chan frowned, shaking his head in confusion.

“Why did… What happened? Why are you even up?”

“I went out with someone.”

Chan felt his chest tightening. He had no right to be angry. Or jealous, he reminded himself bitterly. He had no right to Felix.

“How did it go?”

Felix took a few slow steps into the room, eyes averting at the question.

“Kind of shitty,” he replied truthfully.

Chan sighed.

“I’m sorry, mate.” He held up the edge of his blanket, and Felix took the invite, slipping under the sheet next to Chan. “Wanna tell me about it?”

Felix hummed, snuggling up to Chan and scenting him lightly. It only made Chan’s chest burn harder with the pain of knowing that, even if Felix was here right now, he’d rather be somewhere else. Chan was only ever the second choice. Felix’s last resort when all the other plans didn’t work out.

He hadn’t even come to Chan because he wanted to. He’d been sent here by Minho, because of course the evil bunny would force Chan to confront his feelings when he’d been doing absolutely everything to avoid having to feel a single human emotion ever since Felix’s heat.

“He was nice. And cute. Handsome face and everything. We danced and he bought me some drinks.”

Chan hummed. He didn’t want to imagine it. He refused to. He closed his eyes instead, pulling Felix against his chest. Letting Felix’s scent fill his lungs and selfishly soothe the deep ache in him.

“He asked me to come back home with him.”

Chan swallowed hard. Took a deep inhale of Felix’s scent. It did little to soothe the pain now. It was just salt on the wound in his heart now.

“I don’t usually do that on first dates. I don’t know them well enough. But he was a gentleman and it’s only been a week since my heat, so I was kinda… You know, I was being a bit hopeful. Thought that it’s fine to live a little. Who cares. I just got broken up with, I wanted to hook up. He smelled nice and he said the right things.”

Chan sucked in a breath. He turned his head a little. He couldn’t continue breathing in Felix’s scent. His whole body was tensing with sudden anger, practically vibrating under his skin. Felix’s scent was turning sweet. He was fucking turned on talking about this guy.

Chan cringed, coughing lowly to cover up an angry snarl that was threatening to leave his throat. he wanted to punch something. His mind was already conjuring images of a nameless stranger with a bleeding nose. He would not let that guy go easily if he got his hands on him.

“We got to his place and he opened the bedroom door and sitting there was another guy looking mad as fuck.” Felix huffed, sounding disappointed. “I didn’t think someone who’s cheating could be so polite and sweet. I walked out of there because I didn’t wanna be part of the drama when the yelling and begging started.”

“He tried to cheat on his boyfriend with you?” Chan frowned, trying to keep his voice as light as he could in his current state.

“Yep. Seems like it. I’m kinda pissed now. I was all excited.”

Chan rubbed his back to comfort Felix, halting his movements when he noticed Felix’s scent blooming at the touch.

“Sorry. I’m just… Your scent is kind of…exciting… after last week,” Felix chuckled. Right. Of course. Felix associated Chan’s scent with his heat now. He should have known it wasnothing more than a conditioned response.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“I don’t mind. It’s kinda nice. Since I didn’t get to…get any, tonight.”

Chan’s breath hitched slightly at that.

“Are you didappointed?”

Felix nodded against his chest.

“Minho told me you’d know how to help. I guess he wasn’t all wrong.”

Chan hummed slightly, ghosting his fingertips over Felix’s back under his shirt.

“What did you really come for?” Chan whispered, moving his head a little closer to Felix so he could look him in the eyes. It was just a guess, a wishful attempt, but he had to try. Felix bit the corner of his bottom lip, looking back at him for a moment before inching closer.

“You don’t have to say yes.”

Chan laid there quietly while Felix snuck his fingers to Chan’s back, under his shirt and up to his shoulder before scratching his nails down very slowly. Not hard enough to leave marks, but enough to burn the slightest bit. Chan shuddered, goosebumps errupting all over his back. He bit back a moan at the feeling.

“You didn’t ask me anything yet,” he breathed, trying his best to keep his composure.

“Do I have to, Chris? Will you make me use my words? I think you already know my question.”

Chan’s breath picked up slightly, and he felt his self-control slipping away. This was totally different than when Felix had been in heat. He hadn’t been fully conscious, then. He’d needed it. He’d needed anyone. Chan had just been convenient. This wasn’t the same, right? Felix was seeking him out on purpose. he was coming to Chan in particular. Right?

“I don’t know, Lix. Shouldn’t we, uh… Like, talk about that?”

“What’s there to talk about?” Felix had sulldenly rolled on top of him, pumping out strong pheromones. They were sweet and alluring, and Chan almost wondered if Felix was doing it on purpose. There was no way a bit of cuddling had gotten Felix this horny, all things considered. Was he trying to…convince him? Was he trying to seduce Chan? Not like that had ever been necessary.

“I… You really…want that? You sure? That’s not weird or something?”

“Do I have to beg?” Felix suddenly asked. Chan tensed. Felix looked different. He was so close to his face, his scent assaulting all of Chan’s senses—but he looked desperate. Maybe Chan’s mind way playing tricks on him. Maybe the lack of sleep was finally catching up with him and he’d started to imagine things.

“No. You never have to beg. Never.”

Felix leat out a breath, moving closer. His breath hit Chan’s face, and Chan quickly turned his head. He couldn’t allow himself to think about Felix’s lips. He couldn’t look at those soft eyes that held the entire ocean of Chan’s desires in them. He couldn’t see the galaxy of freckles that went further than space. He was scared that if he looked too closely, he’d get lost in the depths of Felix’s beauty. And he wouldn’t want to find his way out again.

“You want it, yeah?” He rasped instead, turning Felix around. He saw him nodding fast, and made Felix kneel so his hips were propped up, chest arching down into the bed.

“You come here after a bad date to get it from me again. Got too attatched after your heat?”

Chan didn’t mean for the words to slip out, but he couldn’t help it. He tugged down Felix’s clothes to find his boxers soaked.

“Fuck, since when have you been slicking? Since you came here? Or since you met that asshole?”

Felix whined at the question, and Chan bit his tongue. He was playing on dangerous grounds right now, and he knew it. But all he could do was hold onto Felix’s thighs and pant like a dog at the view of Felix’s slick hole fluttering helplessly. The growl that escaped his throat came too fast for him to stop it.

“Tell me what you want, omega.” Because that’s what Felix was. An omega, desperate to get satisfied after being stood up. Maybe if Chan stuck to that story, he would forget that this was Felix, and he could do this without feeling like he was being used again. Always the second choice. Always the one to pick up the pieces when Felix fell apart.

Maybe he was just a sick masochinst. All he knew was he’d let Felix use him again and again util he found someone he truly wanted. Someone who was worth Felix’s love. Someone who would be allowed to hold Felix and call him his. And even then, Chan couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t give in if Felix wanted him. His moral compass was strong, but his mind was a wreck. He wouldn’t have a heart anymore, then. Felix would always take it with him. And if he left, there was nothing that Chan could do.

“I don’t care,” Felix replied, his voice muffled by a pillow. “Just want you, please, Chris.”

Chan let out a deep sound at his words. This wasn’t good for him. Felix was fuelling all his darkest fantasies. He had to keep it together, and the way Felix said his name just now was surely not helping with that. But Chan’s decision had been made since the moment the smell of that sweet, sweet slick had met his nose. He ran one hand up to cup Felix’s round cheek and pulled it apart, breathing hard at the sight.

“You gon’ let me taste you?”

Felix whined, clenching and unclenching his hole on purpose. Trying to coax Chan into giving him what he wanted. As if Chan needed any convincing at all.

He leaned in and ran his tongue flat over Felix’s hole. It immediately earned him a long moan, and he repeated the motion until new slick started trickling down Felix’s skin.

“Pretty boy,” Chan groaned, grabbing Felix’s hip with his other hand. He had practiced a lot of self-restraint during Felix’s heat, when the omega had been vulnerable and needy. But now, Felix was here again. Because he wanted to. Because he wanted Chan. So he would let himself indulge.

Felix whined loudly when Chan buried his face between Felix’s cheeks. He grabbed the sheets under him and rocked his hips back, eyes rolling back into his head with every lick and suck on his sensitive rim.

“Fuck, fuck, ahh yes, Chris, oh please, yeah—” Felix was babbling out words and moans, hips twitching from how sensitive he felt. It got Chan feeling a little crayz when he realized just how much Felix liked his hole played with, and now he couldn’t stop. He flicked the tip of his tongue over the soft rim, and Felix’s voice cracked, a high sound falling from his lips despite his uaually deep moans.

“Like that, like that, again, please, holy fuckin’— yes, yes, hah, ngh, fuck!”

Felix thrashed when Chan pushed his tongue past his sensitive muscle. Felix’s mind was completely blank, mouth hanging open and drooling into Chan’s pillowcase. He was trying to grab onto Chan’s hair behind him, but could only helplessly paw at his head, gasping for air. Chan let out a satisfied growl, holding so tightly onto Felix’s hips that it might bruise later. Gods, he hoped it would.

He kept eating Felix out passionately, mixing spit and slick and pushing the mess back inside with his fingers until Felix was loose and sobbing from pleasure and from Chan avoiding his prostate. Chan wasn’t doint it on purpose, but he also wasn’t trying to find it. He could lie to himself another time. Maybe when he wasn’t so fucking tired and riled up. Maybe when Felix didn’t talk about trying to fuck a stranger, Chan would find it in him to practice some restraint. But today wasn’t that day.

“I wanna fuck you.”

“Please,” Felix moaned, sounding unberably turned on. His scent was going haywire, smelling of lust and desire and everything sinful Chan never should’ve given in to. He was way past any point of return now.

Chan was glad that he’d been wearing nothing but a loose shirt and his boxers, so he was able to get rid of them fast. Despite Felix not being in heat anymore, Chan felt absolutely crazy with need. He needed to be inside Felix and feel him. He needed Felix to feel him this time, now that he was sure to remember all of it the next day. It felt like he was committing the worst mistake of his life, but he couldn’t rationalize it. Felix was single. Felix was here. Felix wanted him. And Chan wanted Felix.

“Put it in, please,” Felix croaked. Chan was so weak to those little pleas. He needed it just as badly.

Putting one hand on Felix’s hips, he ligned himself up, feeling dizzy at the sight of his tip rubbing over Felix’s hole. It was already slicking up again, so wet and ready for Chan. He wanted to burn the sight into his brain.

“Chris,” Felix urged, head resting onto his forearms. Chan wouldn’t make him wait any longer. He pushed his hips forward slowly, keeping his grip steady until his tip finally slipped past Felix’s entrance.

“Shit, you’re tight,” Chan moaned, closing his eyes for a moment to adjust to the feeling. He wanted to shove his cock all the way inside immediately, but he would probably cum on the spot and he didn’t wanna hurt Felix either. So he took his time, making small, careful thrusts to ease his length into Felix’s slick hole.

“Fuck, more please, deeper,” Felix gasped, already trying to rock back. “All of it, Chris. You’re so…big, fuck!”

To say he was down bad was an understatement. Felix was swallowing up his cock inch by inch, slicking a waterfall down his thighs and moaning his name. He was going to cum rediculously fast and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

“Lix,” Chan panted, fingers digging into his hips. He let out a small groan before suddenly thrusting forward and burying the last bit of his throbbing erection in Felix’s lean little body.

“Fuck, you take it so good. That what you wanted?”

Felix was nodding eagerly, trembling slightly under Chan’s hold. All tiredness had left his system now that he was all the way inside Felix. He was awake and alert and so fucking desperate to fuck his knot into the omega.

“Move.”

Chan didn’t give a shit about Felix’s demanding tone. He put one hand on the bed to keep himself up, hovering over Felix in a mounting position. The other stayed on Felix’s hip. His position was too close to a mating position, and Chan could feel his wolf urging him to fuck the willing omega under him, fill him up and keep him on his knot to make sure it would take. It was a thought he didn’t allow himself to indulge in much, but right now, he didn’t have the strength to fight it.

“Good omega,” Chan whispered, before starting to move his hips. He worked up to a rhythm, until Felix was spluttering out little staccato moans with every thrust, being pushed into the mattress at a fast pace. He seemed absolutely blissed out, drooling freely as he tried to get a hold of the sheets.

“Need alpha to take care of you,” Chan growled into his ear, scratching his teeth over Felix’s shoulder. He smelled too sweet. “Need me to fuck you so you can forget about everyone else.”

Felix wailed, trying to reach for his dick that was pathetically leaking pre-cum the entire time. But Chan noticed and grabbed Felix’s wrist, pinning it over his head into the mattress.

“You’re gonna cum on my knot, omega. I’ll fuck you so good you’ll need nothing else.”

Felix let out a hight pitched whimper at that. He tried to tug on his wrist, keening when Chan didn’t let go of it. Chan felt delirious at the revelation that Felix liked to get pinned down. Taken. Held. Restrained.

“Fuck. You like being helpless?” Chan moaned, feeling his knot rubbing against Felix’s hole with every snap of his hips.

“Chris,” Felix sobbed, legs trembling dangerously. “Bo-Both, please. Please. Do it— Do it hard…”

Chan was confused for a moment about what Felix meant, when suddenly he saw Felix’s second wrist appearing over his head, and it clicked for him.

“Felix, holy shit. Yeah. Yeah, I’ll give it to you hard. Whatever you want, I’ll give you everything.”

He grabbed Felix’s other wrist and pinned them together, moaning when Felix’s back arched that much deeper from the new position. He was breathing short and ragged until Chan started to make his promise true. He fucked his hips up harder, rustling Felix and pushing him into the mattress in fast, rhythmic snaps. That’s when Felix teared up.

“Yea, yes, fuck, daddy!”

Chan fucking lost it. His hand left Felix’s hip and gripped his neck instead, starting to set an unforgiving pace.

“Fuck, say that again, say it,” he growled out through gritted teeth, clenching his jaw in attempt to soothe his aching gums. He wanted to bite down, to feel Felix’s soft, freckled skin give between his teeth. Wanted to taste his blood when his mark would be engraved into Felix for the rest of his life. It was too much.

“‘M so close daddy,” Felix hiccupped, voice breaking when he tried to let out more pleas.

“I’ll give you my knot, gonna give it to you, baby.” He had no time to notice his own slip-up in the heat of the moment. Not like it was worse that what Felix called him. Chan was too far gone to give a shit about keeping his dignity.

With a guttural growl turning into a shaky moan, Chan shoved his expanding knot into Felix, finally tipping over the edge. Felix came right after with a cry, clenching hard around Chan’s knot as his orgasm wrecked through him. A moment later, they both slumped onto the mattress. Chan nuzzled his nose against Felix’s neck, quietly mourning that he’d never be able to mark this spot.

Felix melted into Chan’s hold, breath slowing down and evening out eventually. His eyes were shut, wolf purring contently in his chest.

“Thank you,” he muttered into the silence.

“Hm?” Chan hummed, a bit too lost in Felix’s scent to understand what he meant right away.

“Thank you for having me. Even after my heat.”

Chan blinked a few times, letting Felix’s words sink in.

“Of course. I told you. Always find me. I’m always… I’ll always have you.”

Felix nodded, turning his head slightly to look at Chan.

“You feel good.”

Chan felt himself getting flustered at the comment. He couldn’t deny that Felix’s warm heat around his knot did feel abolutely blissful. He shifted his hips ever so slightly, cringing at the lewd squelch of slick. That’s when he froze.

“Fuck, did we— Oh my god, no, no, nonono—”

“Chris? What’s wrong?”

“I— We— Felix please tell me you’re on birth control.”

“I am.”

“Thank god,” Chan sighed, head falling against Felix’s shoulder. Felix chuckled lightly.

“You think I would’ve let you hit it raw without a condom if I wasn’t?”

Chan winced at his choice of words, but only hid his face in Felix’s back.

“Sorry. I wasn’t sure. We used condoms during your heat, so... You could’ve forgotted. I would’ve taken the blame.”

Felix frowned.

“The blame?”

“Yeah.”

Felix tilted his head at an awkward angle to look at Chan.

“What do you mean? Walk me through that…hypothetical situation. What would you do if I wasn’t on contraceptives? I’m curious now.”

Chan huffed, closing his eyes to think about it for a moment.

“I would… First of all, I would probably apologize to you. I’d convince you that it was completely my fault so you wouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed. Then I’d drive to the pharmacy and get a plan B. And a pregnancy test.” Chan frowned slightly. “Two pregnancy tests. Then I’d wait three weeks and make you take the tests. If they’d be negative, great. If not, I’d tell the company. I’d tell them it was my fault completely. Maybe I’d lie and say it happened during your heat so they’d believe me and you wouldn’t get punished. I’d ask you if you wanted to keep the pup or not… You’d probably have to leave StrayKids if you wanted to raise a child. But if you’d choose that, I would go with you. I’d raise it with you. I’d be the best dad I could.”

He opened his eyes again, and to his surprise, Felix was looking back at him with tears in his eyes.

“You would…do that? You would abandon StrayKids to be a dad?”

Chan was a bit taken aback that Felix was taking this so seriously.

“It was a hypothetical.”

“But would you?”

“Yes. If it was you, I would.”

Felix swallowed hard.

“I love you, Chris.”

Chan let out a long breath and pulled Felix back against his chest. He wanted to say it back. But he couldn’t. Not right now. Not without losing composure.

“Sleep, Lix.” He hoped his words still carried his feelings and told Felix just how much he really cared.

____________

“How many times?”

Chan licked his lips, staring down at the floor.

“How many times?” Minho repeated, crossing his arms and looking at Chan.

“A few times. He’s been going out a lot lately, and it never seems to work out the way he hopes.”

“Never works— Hyung, are you kidding me?”

“He keeps asking.”

“Of course. Of course he keeps asking, because you keep saying yes, hyung. You’re killing yourself.”

“I’m…” Chan sighed, rubbing his temples with his hands.

“Hyung.”

Chan shook his head.

“I’m old enough to handle this.”

“That would be true if 27 year-old you was in love with him. But it’s still 20 year old you who fell for him. And he is not old enough to deal with it. We’ve all had to come to terms with it at some point. Our youth messed us up, especially yours. Stop playing tough. I thought we were over this.”

Chan had nothing to say to him. He kept staring at his lap. He was angry at himself, Minho could tell. It was the one thing they could never protect Chan from. His own wrath. The only certain thing about their leader. Chan carried this group on his shoulders, and to try and take that away from him was completely useless.

Chan was the most self-critical person any of them knew. But they had never stopped trying to convince him not to take the blame. That’s just what they did, being a group. Being a family. Maybe the whole pack thing wasn’t that far from thr truth after all.

“I don’t have to tell you that you should talk to Felix.”

Chan slowly looked up at Minho again, brows drawn together and jaw clenched. Minho wanted to take his shoulders and shake them wildly and yell at him until he’d understand. But Chan had the right to keep hurting himself if he wanted to. There was nothing Minho could really do if he chose to keep going on like this.

“They’re both in love with him. That’s the problem,” Chan chuckled, sounding almost sad.

“Hm?”

“20 year old me and 27 year old me. They’re both in love with him, but one is still naive enough to believe that there’s a chance it could be returned.”

“And is that the you who keeps allowing Felix in your bed every week?”

Chan exhaled and nodded. Minho let his arms fall to his sides with a sigh.

“I swear to the gods, if you isolate yourself from the kids because of this I’m gonna tell them exactly why.”

“I won’t,” Chan quickly replied.

Minho nodded, grabbing his bag from the desk where he’d tossed it earlier upon entering the studio where Chan had been holing himself up. Before he could leave, Chan grabbed Minho’s wrist.

“Can I ask… You and Jisung. How long did it take?”

“Take for what?” Minho asked.

“Till you talked about it. Till you came clean to one another.”

Minho chuckled lightly.

“Don’t repeat my mistakes, hyung.”

“No seriously, how long?”

Minho pulled his lips tight, giving Chan that typical Minho-look.

“All I can say it there’s no use in drawing it out. What’s meant to be is meant to be. That’s what Jisung always says.”

Chan leaned back in his chair as Minho left the room. Of course. Because Minho and Jisung were meant to be. But life couldn’t be that simple for all of them.

He pulled out his phone, staring at the last texts that he and Felix had shared. Felix was the sweetest person he knew. How was he ever supposed to stand in front of him and admit that all these years, he’d wanted more? Maybe that wasn’t even the whole truth. Because while 20 year old Chan had been naively hoping for a future with Felix, the adult in him had long given up on that. He’d given up on all hopes and dreams. He’d stopped dreaming when every friend he’d ever had left him.

When Felix had been eliminated during their survival show and then brought back, Chan had still dreamed. It had seemed so improbable, against all odds. He had believed that maybe there was a star watching over him. He’d felt lucky. Like his fate was written in the stars, laid out for them. But as the years had passed, and he’d been at Felix’s side throughout all of it, he realized that while Felix was a star on his sky, he was not on Felix’s.

Chan had been there when Felix had his first relationship, and his first breakup. Back then, he’d held Felix and hoped that he would see how much Chan cared. How much he wanted to fill that space that Felix had always been so desperate to fill. He’d wanted to be the one Felix relied on, the one he could put all his trust onto. But another relationship came, and another breakup always followed. Chan never left his side once.

Chan still remembered it like it was yesterday. The day that Felix had sat in front of him with teary eyes, barely an adult yet, confessing with teary eyes and hiccups interrupting his words that he thought he might be attracted to men. Chan thought that was probably when he’d had the most hope. He still remembered how he hugged Felix close with a smile and whispered into his ear, “That’s okay, Felix. Wanna know something? Hyung is, too.”

But…another relationship came. And another breakup followed. And the blade only dug deeper every time. Chan thought he would have grown immune or numb to the pain after all those years. But every time Felix left the dorm with makeup on and a hopeful smile on his lips, it hurt just like the first time. By now, the blade must be peaking out from his back with how deep it had been rammed into his heart over and over again. The pain wasn’t something he could get used to.

But he’d gotten used to smiling anyways. He’d gotten used to holding Felix anyways and letting him twist the knife with every word about whoever had broken his heart that time. He’d gotten used to the anger boiling in his chest and the resentment towards himself after getting too close to Felix all over again after telling himself he’d keep his distance this time.

One day, he’d break the cycle.

One day, he’d stop believing he could ever escape this hell.

______________

Against all better judgement, Chan kept saying yes. The temptation was too sweet. He’d never been this close to getting what he wanted. And yet, the closer he got to Felix, the more he learned about him and how to read every whine, every whimper, every twitch of his body—the futrther Chan felt away from him. He had gotten estranged to himself. Sex with Felix had become almost…casual. Though it was never casual to him.

It became a kind of routine. Felix never apologized for coming back. But he always thanked Chan for not sending him away. As if he’d ever dreamed of sending Felix anywhere.

Chan had been more careful after the first time. He didn’t call Felix “baby” again. He didn’t want these things to become casual, too. There still had to be a line for him to stay behind. Because the closer they got, the further he felt away from Felix. There was nothing he could do.

“Chris,” Felix gasped, mouth dropping open and brows drawing together as he came once again in Chan’s hold, crying out when he felt Chan’s knot locking them together. He slumped onto Chan’s chest, all strength gone. He only opened his eyes again when he felt Chan’s chest trembling under him.

“Chris?” Felix slurred, looking up at him. Chan brought his arm over his face, forcing himself to slow down his breaths.

“Sorry, I’m alright.”

“What is it?” Felix asked, reaching out to pull chan’s arm away. Chan was too boneless to fight it right now.

“Nothing. I’m just a bit…overwhelmed, lately. It’s nothing.”

“You always say it’s nothing,” Felix replied, frowning. “I know you don’t want us to worry. You’re a good leader. But you could, for once, let us be good friends to you. Would it hurt to let me in every once in a while?”

Chan let out a short, bitter laugh.

“You have no idea how much that would hurt.”

Felix’s expression faltered at that.

“What?”

“Forget about it.”

“No— What do you mean? Why would it hurt? You know I wouldn’t judge you or anything, right?”

“Yeah. I know. I know you wouldn’t. But this isn’t something I can share with you. It’s for the best, alright?”

“I’m not sure it is.”

Felix sat up now, and Chan held back a groan when he felt Felix squeezing around his knot.

“Chris. You’ve been acting weird lately. Why can’t you be honest with me if youre admitting that there’s something there?”

Chan gulped.

“Some things are better not said.”

Felix gave him a look of disbelief.

“Why would it be better unsaid?”

Chan let out a breath, his hands coming up to Felix’s hips.

“Because I’m selfish. And I wanna keep doing this.”

“Keep…doing…what?”

“This.” Chan ran his hand down Felix’s thigh. “You.”

“I…” Felix looked confused, a bit of anxiety mixing into his scent that Chan couldn’t quite tell the reason for.

“You know you don’t have to…do this, right? I never meant for this to become so…”

“Shhh,” Chan interruped him, putting a finger over Felix’s mouth. “Don’t. Please don’t. Unless you wanna stop…don’t bring it up.”

Felix grabbed his wrist, pushing Chan’s hand away from his mouth, staring at Chan startled.

“What’s wrong with you? You never… What the hell is going on with you?”

“Don’t make me talk about this, Felix. I like how things are now.”

“Well, maybe I don’t. What then, hm?”

“Then we’ll stop.”

“What if I don’t want to stop?”

Chan let out a shaky breath.

“Then…we don’t.”

“You’ll just do whatever I ask of you? Do you have any opinion in this?” He frowned.

“I… I’m not… Felix—”

“What? What is it, Chris? You can fuck me, but you can’t talk to me? You don’t wanna talk so you can keep making me feel wanted and then act like nothing ever happened the next day? I’m… I’m so…” Felix was suddenly fighting tears, and Chan felt an ugly twist in his chest. Felix’s scent was burning. He could almost taste the ashes on his tongue.

“No, no that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what the fuck did you mean? You don’t ever say anything! You don’t— you don’t even say ‘I love you’ back anymore…” Felix finally teared up at that. His head dropped, and he covered his eyes as tears began rolling down his cheeks. Chan was fighting with himself, trying to keep his own scent steady. He couldn’t make Felix even more distressed than he already was. Though he knew that all of this was his fault.

“I’m sorry, Lix. I’m very sorry. I do love you.”

Felix shook his head.

“It’s too late for that. It’s insincere now.”

“I know, but believe me anways. I’m not lying to you.”

“Are you?” Felix glared at him through tears. “Then tell me why.”

Chan opened his lips but closed them again. Felix shook his head, crying more. If he wasn’t still stuck on Chan’s knot, he probably would’ve left by now.

“I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that.”

“I don’t know what else to say,” Chan admitted. “I just know I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I just…couldn’t send you away. You kept coming. I kept saying yes. Minho told me to stop. But I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Felix’s arms buckled and he leaned down, resting his head onto Chan’s chest.

“I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop coming. But you touch me like I mean somethin to you, and I’m addicted to it.”

Chan’s breath picked up at that, and suddenly his arms wrapped around Felix’s body.

“You do. You mean everything to me. I love your soul. I love your spirit.”

“Stop…stop talking like that,” Felix croaked out, choking on tears. “Stop talking like you love me! I’m so fucking…sick of it. Every fucking…breakup, you hold me like you love me. And you treat me better than anyone ever has. And you kiss me like no one else and you make me feel so special… and then you pull away again. Like all of this is just pity because someone else couldn’t love me the way you do. So I kept…kept playing the pity game. Because you only love me when I’m hurting.”

Chan had given up on keeping his composure. He held on to Felix tightly, shaking his head as a few tears burned in the corners of his eyes.

“I love you way more than I should,” he whispered, not ever letting go of Felix.

“You leave me every time I reach out! You run away every time I try to talk to you! You fuck me and then you leave me and it’s fucking killing me, Chris. Please just tell me you fucking hate me so I can move on!” Felix’s voice cracked, heavy pants leaving him while he tried to hit Chan’s chest, crying and screaming like a child, feeling so lost and helpless.

“Never. Never, Felix, never,” Chan rasped, shaking his head. He tightened his grip around Felix even more, pinning his arms down. The tears were smearing on his cheeks as well, but he didn’t care. Dignity was a luxury he couldn’t afford right now.

“You can hit me. You can yell at me. I’ll still love you. And I’m sorry I fucked it up.”

“Why?” Felix whimpered, crying quietly now. He didn’t have the strength to keep fighting. “Why?!”

“Because I’m scared.”

Felix moved his head, glancing up at Chan for the first time since he’d started crying.

“You’re never scared.”

“I am always scared, Felix.”

Felix huffed, but it was interrupted by a sniffle.

“What would you be scared of? You have everything you wanted. You’re keeping me at arm’s length, you get to have me and not have me at the same time. What would you be scared of?”

“Of wanting you.”

Felix scoffed.

“You already have me. You’ve got it all, Christopher. My heart, my soul, my body. What else could you want?”

Chan took a shaky breath, and decided that losing Felix like this was better than forever living in this painful state of in-between.

“I want you. I want you as more than a friend. More than a group mate. More than I want anyone else. But you’ve never wanted me that way.”

Felix’s eyes slowly widened as realization set in.

“You… you… what?”

“I’m sorry, Felix. I couldn’t move on. Not after all those years. You kept coming to me, and I could never send you away. Because I love you. But lately I couldn’t say that anymore, because I would have told you the truth. I love you so fucking much, Felix. You don’t have to return that, but please don’t ever think I ran from you because I didn’t want you. I want you more than anything.”

Felix’s breath stuttered. A sob got stuck in his throat, and no sound came out when he opened his mouth. He was breathing erratically now, trembling hands reaching for Chan’s head.

“It’s okay. I swear. I can lie to myself. I can lie to you, too. It doesn’t have to be real if it hurts too much. We’ll go on and we’ll learn to…”

Chan bit on his lip, fighting more tears at the view of Felix. He shook his head fast, nails digging into Chan’s shoulder.

“You should have told me, you should’ve told me Chris, why did you…lie to me?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” Chan whispered. “You already liked someone else. And then again and again.”

“I would have dropped them all for you in a second!”

Felix was letting out raspy breaths, hitting Chan’s shoulder with his hand.

“I loved you! I loved you, Chris, I loved you! I loved you, I loved you, I loved you, I— “ He broke down when Chan pulled him back against his chest, and Felix’s head buried into the crook of chan’s neck, sobbing loudly.

“I loved you,” Felix babbled, grabbing onto Chan’s hair. He was breathing fast, unable to calm down. Chan squeezed him tightly.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Felix let out a scream. It was deep and guttural, tearing up Chan’s heart and leaving it open and bleeding in his chest.

Chan bit back a sob, holding Felix against him.

“I’m sorry, Felix. Please believe me.”

There was silence after that. Felix’s cries faded out slowly until they became quiet whimpers, and Chan didn’t dare to speak up again. He continued to hug Felix close until his scent had settled again and was no longer burning like a wildfire. He seemed too exhausted to scream anymore.

After a while, Felix moved again. Chan’s knot had gone down enough for him to slowly slip off, and this time, Chan let him go. He watched in silence as Felix grabbed his boxers and pulled them up, then reached for his shirt.

“Are you leaving?” Chan asked quietly. There was fear in his voice. A new kind of fear. Felix was holding his entire heart now. He could shatter it if so he pleased. All of Chan’s guards were down. He was helpless, and it was so terrefying to be vulnerable.

“Do you want me to?”

Chan shook his head.

“Then I’ll stay.”

Chan swallowed.

“Do you want to hear it?”

“What?” Felix asked.

“My reason. I know I messed up. But if you’ll let me, I wanna try to explain myself.”

Felix looked at him with his puffy eyes and slowly nodded.

“I’d like to hear it.”

Chan sat up too, now, holding his hands out. Felix only hesitated for a moment before putting his hands in Chan’s, allowing him to hold them.

“Felix... I’ve always tried to be a good friend to you. I supported you, even when you didn’t see me the same way I saw you. I rooted for you, even when you fell into someone else’s arms. Because I want you to be happy. And I thought that was selfless of me. But in reality, I’ve used every weak moment of yours to be a person I could never be to you. I showed you a kind of warmth I wasn’t allowed to. I wanted more than you were willing to give. And I can’t evan say I regret it. Those days, I felt the closest to you. And you were right. I only loved you when you were hurting. But that pain was just an excuse for me to justify loving you the way I always wanted to. I never wanted to be cold the other days. I just couldn’t keep my distance on those days I watched you suffer.”

“You’re an idiot, Chris,” Felix muttered.

“I know. I should have told you years ago. But then you wanted to see other people. And with every new breakup…I lost hope of ever being more to you.”

Felix averted his gaze at that. He took a few deep breaths, exhaling shakily before he started to speak.

“At first, I dated because I wanted you to see that I was old enough. That I was mature and that I could do these kinds of things. I broke up hoping you’d take that spot. Then, I dated to make you jealous. Then, I dated because I was petty that you never gave in. I was having a fucked up, one-sided beef with you. But as the years passed, I only ever dated to forget you. And every breakup was like a fix. Like a relapse. I stayed in relationships that were way overdue because I knew the moment it would be over, you’d be there. And I’d fall in love with you all over again.”

Chan inhaled, but he was speechless. His lips closed again. He tried again, Felix’s words weighting heavily on his chest.

“Why did you never ask?”

Felix huffed, giving Chan a once-over.

“You’re Bang Christopher Chan. Leader of Straykids. Leader of Threeracha. Singer, songwriter, producer, dancer, performer, model. Oldest of the group. Dad of the group. Alpha of the pack. I was just…Felix. I never stood a chance. You’re way out of my league.”

Chan’s mouth was gaping.

“I— you… what? You din’t ask me because I’m… Because you think I’m out of your league??”

“Yeah. You’re mature. You’re always busy being an even better leader. I didn’t want to burden the group with internal relationships or for anyone to think I was trying to get special treatment from the leader. But then Minho and Jisung became a thing, and I felt so stupid. I missed my chance when we were still young.”

“I’m… That’s not… You… Felix… You were… I adored you. And if your goal was to make me jealous…it worked. It worked every time. And it hurt every time.”

“Im sorry,” Felix sighed.

“I deserved it. I was a coward. But then you… You wanted to spend your heat with the group. And I got greedy. I made you think it was okay to sleep together without any feelings. There were always feelings. I was…scared.”

“I know that now. It was my last resort. I wanted to have you. Even if I could never have you.”

“You had me from the start,” Chan breathed.

“You never sent me away. But you also never made the first step. I felt like I was convincing you. Tricking you into sex. I threw up after the first time from guilt.”

Chan winced, moving a little closer to Felix.

“I’m so sorry. I was a fool. I was a fool, okay? You would never need to convince me. I did this to myself. It hurt, but I couldn’t ever stop. I also wanted to have you. Even if I couldn’t really have you. But I want you now. If you still…want me too.”

Felix let out a small sniffle, lips partting.

“You want me now?” He asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“Will you still want me tomorrow? When we go back to our lives?”

Chan reached up with his hands to cradle Felix’s face.

“Every day of my life. Every moment, I want you. Ever since I’ve met you, until now, there hasn’t been a day in which I haven’t wanted you the most.”

Instead of a reply, Felix leaned in and crashed his lips on Chan’s. Finally.

Chan melted immediately. His hands fell slack, sliding down to Felix’s neck. His eyes were closed, head tilting slightly and moving in closer. He felt a hand in his hair, and didn’t resist when Felix moved his head as he wished, deepening the kiss. Chan’s brows were pulled together, breathing heavily through his nose. He didn’t want to pull away.

It felt like years of unspoken confessions were exchanged in this moment. All Chan could do was breathe and kiss Felix and let the tears of relief fall freely.

When Felix pulled away slowly, Chan felt his wolf purring in satisfaction. He finally had Felix. Just like he’s always wanted him.

“Promise to want me every day. Without holding back, this time,” Felix whispered.

“Till the end of forever,” Chan promised. He leaned forward, playfully touching Felix’s nose with his own.

“It’s you and me.”

“It’s always been us.”

Felix leaned in one more time, and this time Chan kissed him with more intent. He wrapped one arm around Felix’s waist, pulling him onto his lap.

“Did you plan this all?” He muttered against Felix’s lips between kisses. “The heat. The breakup right before. The failed dates.”

Felix made a small sound in his throat.

“Maybe.”

“You’re the cutest. You didn’t have to trick me. I loved you anyways, all this time.”

“And you didn’t tell me either. So looks like we were both the fool.”

______________

Epilogue

“So does that mean you two can finally stop your hopeless pining and we all get some peace?” Hyunjin asked after the group meeting Chan had called in. He hadn’t wanted to do it at first, but Felix told him that it did concern the group, and that they had remained silent about this matter for long enough. Chan couldn’t really argue with that.

“Yeah, that’s what that means,” Chan laughed.

“Good. Ayennie, you owe me twenty bucks.” Hyunjin held his hand out, and Jeongin groaned, getting out his wallet.

“And you owe me too, hyung!” Seungmind said, pointing at Jisung.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll pay you later.”

“I don’t know if I should feel offended that you all placed bets on out relationship,” Chan said.

“I didn’t,” Changbin said, putting his hands up in defense. “But I did place a bet on these two that’s still going.” He pointed between Minho and Jisung.

“What?” Jisung blinked at him with wide eyes.

“I bet Minho hyung that you’d start dating till the end of the year. Every year since almost debut. So far I’ve always lost, but I know I’ll win some day.”

Jisung’s mouth fell open and he looked over at Minho slowly, who only had an evil grin on his face.

“Minho hyung and me have been dating since 2020.”

There was silence. Then—

“Oh, I’m gonny kill you—!”