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Fear traced cold, jagged fingers down the nape of Tyler’s neck. Tomorrow, their plans would come to fruition. They had spent the better part of twenty-four hours preparing, and the Banditos even longer as Tyler made his way from Voldsoy in the days before. Their allies inside the city were ready and waiting for their signal. Everything was in its place. So, Tyler should have felt prepared but instead, as he stared into the distance, he felt as if he were mere moments from drowning.
“T- Clancy,” a familiar voice stumbled, just loud enough to startle him from his reverie.
A hand dropped onto his shoulder and squeezed lightly.
Josh.
Tyler was still getting used to the adopted moniker, and it was even stranger to hear it from his lips after all these months of relative secrecy between them. Stranger yet was the comforting weight of Josh’s touch. The torchbearer had been guiding him from afar for such a long time that Tyler had nearly forgotten what it was like to share physical space with the man.
“What’s up?” Tyler croaked, voice raw from disuse.
“Everything alright?” Josh dropped down to sit beside him on the log, flames dancing in his dark eyes. “You’ve, um, been here awhile.”
“Have I?” Tyler queried earnestly, only just noticing the way his joints creaked as he shifted before the bonfire. “My bad, man. I was just—”
“Lost in your head?” Josh guessed, not unkindly. “I get it. Tomorrow... It’s not like anything we’ve ever faced before.”
“Don’t remind me,” Tyler forced himself to chuckle. “I might hurl if I think about it anymore tonight.”
“Right,” Josh offered him a wobbly smile that betrayed his concern. “That’s totally fair. Can I get you anything, man? I don’t think I’ve seen you eat more than a protein bar since you’ve been back.”
Tyler shook his head vehemently, his stomach in knots at the thought of forcing himself to shove down even the fragrant stew steaming in the pot over the fire. It was a good thing that they weren’t depending on Tyler for his muscles, because he was certain he’d lost quite a bit of weight since he woke up on the beaches of Voldsoy more than two weeks earlier. Still, though, the thought of facing not just Nico but also the rest of the Bishops had Tyler sick to his stomach with anxiety.
“Nah,” he brushed it off with faux casualness. “Thanks, though. I think all I really need is some decent rest.” It wasn’t a lie. It had been months since Tyler had had a night of sleep that wasn’t either strategically interrupted by the Bishop’s minions or on the floor of some dank, cold cave.
Josh’s almond eyes flashed with some emotion, and his expression turned bashful, “Yeah, of course. I-I can have someone rustle you up a tent and a cot for the night, if you want, or... You could... Share with me.”
Tyler’s eyes widened at the offer.
“Not like that,” Josh’s face pinkened in the firelight, and he threw up his hands defensively. “I mean, unless you— I mean, like as buddies or something. Just two handsome boys sharing a tent. Normal stuff!”
“Shut up,” Tyler let him off the hook, giving him a crooked grin.
“Sorry,” Josh finished, cheeks aglow with embarrassment.
“Sounds nice,” Tyler replied, bumping him lightly with his shoulder, reveling in the ability to do so. “Just two handsome boys sharing a cot.” With that, Tyler rose from his seat on the old, worn log and started down the center of the now quiet camp, leaving Josh looking after him in confusion.
Josh hopped lithely to his feet and raced to catch up. Tyler couldn’t help but smirk at his companion’s eagerness. Yet, some part of him wondered if they were really about to blur the lines this way. Josh had been his very best friend from the moment he laid eyes on him in Trench, but they’d been quietly toeing an unspoken line between them.
Tyler wasn’t a fool: he was well aware of the warmth and comfort that Josh’s presence foisted upon him. He knew that despite himself and everything he’d ever been told was right, he had fallen for the torchbearer. The real question was whether or not he was actually prepared to do something about it.
It would have been easy to keep the status quo. It would be even easier to tuck into two different sleeping bags head to toe and sleep back to back, ignoring the yearning that had burned in his chest for months now. Then again, if he held back now, Tyler knew he might never have this chance again. So far as he knew, he and Josh were heading towards certain death in the morning, and if he left anything uncertain or undone, it may very well follow him to the grave that way.
He gnawed at his lip as he mulled it over, butterflies flapping in the pit of his stomach as the back of Josh’s hand brushed his while they walked down the line of tents at the forest’s edge. Josh’s tent was easily the biggest of them all, centered at the end of the row and made of tough, olive canvas. He had a tendency to forget, when it was just the two of them, that Josh was the leader of the resistance and that his world didn’t revolve around helping Tyler maintain his sanity.
Josh rushed ahead a few steps before nervously pulling back the flap for Tyler. He ducked inside obligingly and froze up a bit just inside the entrance, uncertain what to do with himself. The inside was dimly lit with only a couple of solar lanterns. The centerpiece of the tent was a table, adorned with a hand-drawn map of Trench, hand-carved figures symbolizing their battle plans strewn across it. A cot piled with coarse blankets and a shoddy travel pack were the only signs of Josh’s continued residence here. Nothing that couldn’t be quickly packed away and carried in the case of an emergency exit. The sight made Tyler’s anxiety surge once more, imagining Nico’s eyes upon him.
Josh stepped inside then, bumping into Tyler’s stiffened back as he entered. Tyler let out a surprised oof and stepped aside, feeling awkward and childish in the unfamiliar tent. Josh had accompanied him across the continent with his ability, but Tyler realized, for the first time, that there was a whole side of Josh’s life that he barely understood.
Josh followed Tyler’s eyes to the table, where he stared hauntedly at the roughly carved figure posed at the bottom of the tallest tower. Without hesitating, Josh brushed past him and swept both the map and the figures into a box waiting in the grass at their feet.
“Sorry,” Josh muttered as he pushed the box out of sight.
“You apologize too much,” Tyler whispered with a small, grateful smile.
“My bad,” Josh retorted, eyes glittering with humor.
All Tyler’s uncertainties still swirled in the back of his mind, but as he laid eyes on Josh, brow slightly furrowed with worry, he remembered why he had come all this way.
“Nice place you got here,” Tyler tried, mirthfully gesturing to the sparsely decorated tent.
“I know, right?” Josh replied more calmly than he looked and moved to the other side of the tent.
The torchbearer pulled back a flap high in the wall of canvas and quickly tied it back, revealing a stretch of forest wall, “Check it out. Room with a view.”
“Pretty cool,” Tyler chuckled and leaned forward to peer out into the darkness, where summer cicadas chittered uproariously in the trees.
Josh’s eyes lingered on him as Tyler stepped back from the small port. In the dimness, Tyler let himself meet his gaze needily. It was far from the first time he’d indulged himself this way; during his imprisonment in Dema, those nights staring into Josh’s eyes in the darkness of his filthy cell were the only thing that kept Tyler going. It dawned on him again, in that moment, that he was no longer relegated to just looking.
Clumsily and with just a smidge of hesitation, Tyler raised an arm and let it drop languidly around Josh’s shoulder in a sloppy one-armed hug. Josh seemed to melt into the touch, as if he wanted it just as badly as Tyler. The torchbearer leaned ever-so-slightly forward, an arm coming up to circle Tyler’s waist, pulling him closer.
“Hey,” Tyler murmured foolishly, breath hitching in his chest as Josh’s leg slotted carefully between his.
“Hey,” Josh echoed breathily, shaking a bit as they lightly held one another in the dark.
Tyler wasn’t used to letting himself go for any length of time. From the moment he was born, the world was a dark, rigid place with strict rules for how he must behave. And yet, with Josh so close to him, Tyler was helpless to watch his walls topple to the ground around him. It felt like strength, not weakness to let himself inch so close to the torchbearer that they were chest to chest. He could almost swear he could feel Josh’s heart pounding through his sweatshirt, but it could have just as easily been his own racing pulse he was aware of.
Josh surprised him then by pushing back his hood and smoothly leaning his damp forehead against Tyler’s, subtly moving to wrap his other arm around him. He was following Tyler’s lead, taking only what he was allowed, and Tyler wanted him to have anything he wanted, if only he could get past his fear. Hazel eyes stared into his, lit only by the lanterns, and yet Tyler felt like he could see the world in those eyes. Not just the cruel, awful world he was made to believe he was born into, but some hopeful future world where things were just the littlest bit freer.
“Josh,” Tyler breathed bravely.
“Yeah?” he asked with quiet eagerness.
“Kiss me,” Tyler begged, squeezing his eyes shut, fear of rejection surging unbidden in his chest. “Please.”
Everything was still for just a moment. Their ragged breaths and the screeching of distant cicadas were all Tyler could hear. He nearly opened his mouth to say ‘never mind,’ but before he could, gentle but calloused hands captured his jaw, tilting it just so.
Just then, full lips crashed into Tyler’s with an air of desperation, quelling any doubts. Tyler leaned into the kiss, pulling Josh impossibly closer as need overtook caution. They exchanged urgent, closed-mouth kisses in the dark as Tyler’s heart thundered in his ears. Josh’s thumbs delicately stroked Tyler’s cheekbones while they inhaled each other’s breath.
Tyler frantically gripped the torchbearer’s sweatshirt with barely concealed desire. They were so close, holding each other on wobbly legs, but it wasn’t enough. Tyler wanted to crawl under Josh’s skin and burrow under his rib cage beside his pounding heart. Only then would his needful desperation for him be sated. But he settled for leaning forward and licking at Josh’s bottom lip, asking for permission.
Josh didn’t resist in the slightest, softly moaning as his lips parted for Tyler. He licked into his mouth then, stroking their tongues wetly together. Tyler had never kissed anyone like this, and, in that moment, he never wanted to kiss anyone but Josh that way again.
The pair stumbled over each other’s feet a little as they held one another upright with sheer willpower. As warmth built in Tyler’s gut, he suddenly was hyper aware of every layer of clothing keeping him from Josh, and inexplicably, an indignant annoyance rose to greet him. Not just at Josh’s clothing but all the circumstances that had managed to keep him and Josh apart for all too many months.
He had never felt such pure, pressing need as he did in that moment, desperate to have Josh’s skin against his. Josh must have felt it too, as he relinquished his grip on Tyler’s jaw and smoothed his hands down the man’s arms, coming to grip his hips in a nearly bruising grip as his thumbs dipped underneath the hem of his shirt. Tyler moaned at the soft brush of skin and kissed him with renewed fervency.
With a question in his touch, Tyler slowly slid a hand over Josh’s chest, coming to rest at the hem of his sweatshirt. Leaning into it, Josh reached down and slowly led Tyler’s trembling hand under his sweatshirt, letting it rest against his firm abdomen. Tyler relished the sensation of the torchbearer’s slightly sweat-dampened skin, stroking at his belly with calloused fingertips. Josh let out the smallest whimper as Tyler’s fingers ghosted over his prominent hipbones, and Tyler had the sudden overwhelming desire to kiss him there.
He broke away from the kiss, prompting a slightly broken-looking Josh to frown deeply.
“Ty. What—?” Josh whispered, baffled as Tyler pulled away and slowly fell to his knees in the grass.
Greedily, Tyler lifted the layers of Josh’s top, and, before the other man could react, began to mouth at his smooth stomach and hips.
“Oh,” Josh uttered as Tyler’s hands roved over his chest, stroking over his pecs and delicate nipples. The torchbearer reached down and pulled his sweatshirt and t-shirt off in one fell swoop. Tyler hummed enthusiastically at the sight of Josh’s bare chest. Only the yellow bandana around his neck was left of Josh’s disguise, and Tyler might have laughed if the vision of him didn’t make his mouth go dry with want.
He licked the lines of Josh’s hipbone, earning him a hiss from the other man. A certain hardness rested evidently at Tyler’s collarbone, and he looked up at his friend with unconcealed desire.
“Josh,” Tyler met his gaze in the darkness. “I want you.”
Josh reached down and carded his fingers through Tyler’s dark hair, “I- I’m yours, Ty.”
“Can I?” Tyler nodded bashfully to where he cautiously tucked his fingers into the waistband of Josh’s pants. “I just—”
“Anything,” Josh murmured and nodded vehemently, chest heaving in anticipation.
Tyler didn’t need to be told twice. He covetously undid the button of Josh’s pants and, with a strong tug, pulled his pants down to his knees.
Gone was the shyness of their embrace. Tyler gently soothed his hands over Josh’s shivering thighs and looked him up and down. He was lovely standing over Tyler with his eyes hooded and vulnerable. Between his legs, nestled in dark curls, was the smooth heft of Josh’s erection.
Tyler had seen other men naked before in the showers, locker rooms, and even at the falls deep in the nearby forest but he’d never seen anything quite like this. Curved slightly upwards and swollen with want, Josh’s cock was a mouth-watering sight. Before he thought about it, he wrapped his fingers around the base and placed a soft, lingering kiss on the engorged tip. Josh groaned as Tyler leaned back, his lips glistening with precum. Tyler licked his lips evaluatively and was met with an unfamiliar but not unpleasant saltiness.
Tyler quirked his head thoughtfully, then decisively leaned forward to take him into his mouth. Josh swore as Tyler’s lips closed around the sensitive head. Tyler tentatively licked at his frenulum, appreciating the weight and vaguely earthy taste of him.
He wasn’t sure quite how to proceed. Tyler would be lying if he hadn’t thought of having Josh to himself like this, but now, here he was with Josh’s hard cock against his tongue, and he was quickly beginning to feel his inexperience.
Slowly, experimentally, he circled his tongue around the tip, eliciting the most delightfully obscene moan from Josh.
Oh, Tyler liked that sound.
He tried a bit of light suction, like sucking on an ice pop, and that earned him Josh’s hand fisted in his hair.
“Tyler,” Josh hissed through gritted teeth. “Oh, fuck.”
Emboldened, Tyler swallowed around him and leaned in, taking him in as much as he could. He couldn’t help it, he gagged a bit, and he was about to pull away when Josh let out a diabolically sensual mewl. And damn if Tyler wanted to take him apart in the best way.
He threw himself into it, then. Carefully, he let his tongue slide along the underside of Josh’s cock, fingers still gripping the base as tears sprang in his eyes.
“Ty,” Josh moaned, knees shaking. “You- you don’t have to—”
Tyler let his mouth fill with saliva as he licked and sucked the torchbearer’s throbbing dick worshipfully. In his mind, it was the least of what Josh deserved.
“Wait, wait, wait!” Josh begged, after a minute, fingers still in Tyler’s hair. “Please, I want—”
Tyler released him immediately, worried he’d done something wrong, but before he could ask, the half-naked Josh dropped to his knees before him and pulled him into his arms, kissing him hard.
Tyler opened up for him right away, wondering if Josh liked the way he tasted on his tongue. Josh kissed him until he was breathless, arms vice-like around his rib cage. Tyler wasn’t about to complain.
Josh’s hands found their way to the button that held Tyler’s pants fastened closed and froze.
“I wanna taste you,” Josh whispered, his breaths loud and needy. “Please, Ty, can I return the favor?”
Tyler didn’t think about it; he just nodded sharply and let out a breath of relief as Josh undid the button and ripped his pants down his thighs.
Josh moved, reaching for Tyler’s cock, and that’s when he froze.
‘Oh shit,’ Tyler thought as Josh’s hands hovered above his groin.
“You- you don’t have a—” Josh looked between Tyler’s face and his spread legs.
“Nope,” Tyler bit at his lip, embarrassed.
“You never told me,” Josh looked a little hurt.
“Does it matter?” Tyler pressed, moving to close his legs. "Does it change anything?"
“No,” Josh’s hand landed delicately on Tyler’s thigh, “It doesn’t change anything.”
Tyler’s breath caught in his chest as he looked in Josh’s hazel eyes, “Good. Then, please, touch me, Josh.”
Josh nodded and slowly opened Tyler’s thighs, revealing his vulva. Gently, Josh lowered himself between Tyler’s legs and, with agonizing gentleness, gave his clit the softest of kitten licks. The effect was immediate, Tyler keened into his fist as the sweet sensation coursed through him.
Josh wasn’t done, though. For beautifully torturous minutes, he licked circles around Tyler’s swollen clit before sliding a finger inside his wet entrance. Tyler had never been touched this way before, and he couldn’t help but buck up against Josh’s mouth and bite down on his lip desperately to keep quiet. He had intended to take Josh apart, but here he was, the one falling to pieces at the torchbearer’s hands.
As Josh added a second finger, Tyler threw an arm over his face, groaning helplessly into the elbow of his sweater.
“Josh, Josh, Josh,” he whispered as his friend quirked his fingers inside him and sucked delicately at his clit. “So, so good. I—”
Josh hummed at the sound of his name and renewed his efforts as if he could tell the heat was building in Tyler’s abdomen. He sped up his touches and tasting, and Tyler knew that he was lost. Everything tightened to a bottleneck around him, and all disappeared except Josh between his legs, and the world seemed to explode into light and liquid warmth. Then, he was coming, Josh’s name pouring from his lips slurred and mantra-like. Josh worked him through it as Tyler writhed below, and licked him until he was twitching and soaked.
Then, it was Tyler’s turn to pull Josh to him. Boneless as he was, he kissed Josh hard, admiring the wetness of his friend’s lips. Josh seemed to slot between his legs perfectly as they lay in the grass. Tyler kissed him again and again, fingers knitted in his dark curls.
It wasn’t lost on him that Josh’s cock lay thick and dripping against him. Ever so slightly, Tyler rocked his hips up against him, letting Josh feel the hot wetness of his entrance. Josh growled into Tyler’s mouth, and Tyler wanted nothing more than to hear that sound over and over again for the rest of his life.
“Need you,” Tyler whimpered, fingers stroking over the solid lines of Josh’s back. “Need to feel you.”
“Are you sure?” Josh pried, rising to look him in the eye.
Tyler took a deep breath as Josh gazed down at him and let himself evaluate the situation. In mere hours, he and Josh would be heading into battle against forces that seemed astronomically larger than them. And despite all they had faced, one constant remained for Tyler. No matter where he went, Josh was there guiding him along and keeping him safe, if only from himself. Josh was his hope. His light. His love.
“So sure,” Tyler reassured him, stroking fingers through Josh’s hair. “Never more so.”
Josh nodded and gave Tyler a winsome grin, leaning in to kiss him soundly. His hand slid just under the hem of Tyler’s sweater, ghosting over one of the small scars from his sterilization surgery.
“Can- can I take this off of you?” he asked tentatively.
Slowly, Tyler nodded, feeling foolishly nervous. Gently, Josh pulled his top over his head and threw it away with abandon. He leaned back appreciatively to take Tyler in. Tyler shivered in the dimness as Josh took in the white scars across his chest. Sure, the torchbearer said it changed nothing, but those were just words.
“You’re- you’re,” Josh began.
“What?” Tyler cut in, a touch defensively.
“Lovely,” Josh finished, his tone laden with awe.
Tyler peered up at him in surprise and, just like that, was filled with that desperation for him all over.
“C’mere,” he beckoned, pulling Josh into his arms until they were flush against one another. Josh leaned in and kissed Tyler with heartfelt sweetness. Gradually, their kisses deepened until they were panting, breaking only to gasp a breath before diving back in for more.
Eventually, they worked the rest of their clothes off until there was not a stitch of fabric to keep them apart.
Tyler rutted against Josh, earning him a deep groan from his friend. Josh wasn’t taking it lying down, though, and bucked back against Tyler, his cock sliding deliciously over his clit.
“Ah!” Tyler whined against his mouth. “Fuck, Josh, please. I can’t wait any longer.”
Josh kissed him once again and, with agonizing carefulness, moved himself into position at Tyler’s opening. As he pushed inside, the pair let out matching groans, Tyler’s blunt nails digging into the muscular plane of Josh’s back. As he bottomed out, Josh planted an open-mouthed kiss against Tyler’s jawline.
The torchbearer’s chest heaved, but his voice was remarkably steady as he murmured, “You okay?”
“Mhm,” Tyler nodded against his throat.
Josh kissed him again and rocked into him shallowly. It was like nothing Tyler had ever felt before. At 36 years old, he had fooled around a handful of times with folks in the city, but he’d never been so unbelievably close to another person before.
The slick movement of Josh’s cock inside him was addictive, even at the slow pace Josh was setting. It was only out of respect for the other rebels that Tyler managed to hold back the litany of cries and moans that threatened to pour from his throat with each stroke. It wasn’t long before Tyler was raising his hips to meet Josh, relishing the way it pushed him deeper and deeper.
He wrapped his arms around the torchbearer’s neck and kissed him hard.
“More,” Tyler pleaded with a gasp, “Need more.”
Josh obliged and licked at Tyler’s throat as he thrust faster. Canting his hips just so, Josh wrapped his arms around his shoulders and sped his movements, the curvature of his cock sliding deliciously against Tyler’s G-spot over and over. Tyler arched his back and threw himself into the sensation, eyes squeezed shut in ecstasy.
With each deep grind, the heat in Tyler’s belly grew white hot, and soon he was panting in Josh’s ear. He fisted his hands into the grass beneath them, ripping at the blades as Josh’s hips snapped to meet his.
“Yes,” Tyler whispered harshly against Josh’s neck. “Just. Like. That.”
Just then, that white light began to wash over him as he came whimpering into Josh’s shoulder.
“Oh fuck,” Josh breathed as the wet, hot heat of Tyler tightened around him. “Tyler, oh my god.”
“Josh,” Tyler keened as Josh pressed into him again and again, working him through his orgasm.
“You feel so good, Ty,” Josh hissed, wetly kissing Tyler’s face. “M’gonna come.”
That was enough for Tyler to grow just coherent enough to raise his hips to meet Josh’s increasingly erratic thrusts, “Yes. Fill me up, please.”
Josh moaned softly, his hips stuttering, and then he stilled. Tyler could feel him grow impossibly harder inside him before he began to throb as he came. He twitched and bit his lip as he let go, and Tyler held him through it, pressing kisses below his ear as he took Josh’s weight. He felt the small twitches of Josh’s cock as he filled him and couldn’t help the happy little squirms he gave below the torchbearer.
Then, as he held Josh tightly to his chest, there was only the ravaged sound of their breathing and the distant calls of insects in the trees. Josh leaned back on incredibly shaky arms and kissed Tyler softly. Tyler felt a strange sense of loss as Josh slowly withdrew from him and rolled off of him.
“Where ya goin’?” Tyler inquired, trying not to whine as Josh stood and padded barefoot across the tent.
Josh leaned down and scooped up the contents of the cot before turning to Tyler with a shy smile, “To make us a bed. Can’t have my boy sleeping in the grass.”
“Oh,” Tyler bit his lip and smiled bashfully as he watched Josh begin to lay his blankets out at the foot of the cot. “I’ll help.”
He stood on trembling legs and scooped the pillows from his friend’s arms as he set about layering blankets. Finally, when Josh nodded at him, Tyler playfully slammed the two pillows down at the top of the blanket and looked to him for approval.
To his surprise, Josh surged forward and pulled him against his chest. For a moment, the two stood bare naked in the dark, simply holding each other.
“Tyler,” Josh started, his voice thick with emotion. “I just- I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but I think you’re just... Amazing, and if anything happens—”
“Don’t you dare,” Tyler interrupted, pushing back against him. “Don’t you say anything resembling goodbye.”
“I just—” Josh’s dark eyes were wet when Tyler met his gaze. “I love you. I don’t wanna leave it unsaid.”
“Oh,” Tyler uttered, and before he knew what he was doing, he was drawing Josh in and kissing him soundly.
“Me too,” he breathed against his lips. “I love you too, Josh.”
“Thank fuck,” Josh let out a nervous laugh and pulled Tyler closer, peppering kisses all over his face.
At last, the pair crawled into their makeshift cot, lying not back to back but face to smiling face. There was no telling what obstacles waited for them inside the city walls of Dema. It was impossible to say if Tyler would ever emerge from the top of Nico’s tower, but there was one thing he could say for sure: he wouldn’t be stepping into it with regrets or leaving anything unsaid.
Morning wasn’t long off, and as he curled up against Josh’s chest, Tyler felt more at peace than he had in the hours before. The battle still lay ahead of them, but with the torchbearer covering him, he knew he could stand tall, win or lose. So, with the sound of Josh’s soft, sleepy snuffles drawing him in, Tyler closed his eyes and finally got the rest he needed.