Chapter Text
Lily sat behind the cashier bored. She had taken the cashier job at Honey's, her local market, to earn a decent amount of money to afford her supplies for Hogwarts. They were ridiculously expensive, and trading muggle currency for wizard money wasn't exactly an easy process. Now that she didn't have her parents around to support her, and Petunia wasn't exactly keen on helping her, Lily had to figure out her own expenses. She wasn't sure working a minimum wage job would help her all too much, but she would at least attempt it.
It was her second day on the job, and she found it to be quite easy. No one usually bothered her unless they had a question, or they were ready to checkout. She chewed the tip of her pen, staring at the crossword, and listened to the hum of the AC behind her. They were having a particularly bad heat wave in Cokeworth, and Lily was grateful that she could get even a little bit of cool air.
The bell at the entrance of the department store twinkled, catching Lily's attention. She put on her customer service smile and straightened her posture.
"Welcome into Honey's!" she said, in her best perky voice.
The lady who walked in sniffed at her and looked her up and down. She was clutching her purse close to her as if Lily was there to steal it. After she was done assessing Lily's character, she spoke in a snotty voice.
"I need some sets of assorted, plastic utensils, and some plates. Napkins and table covers as well."
Lily blinked at her as the woman rattled out her commands to her.
"Well? Are you going to show me?" the lady said, poking her neck out and looking at Lily bug-eyed.
Lily bit down on her lip. She had so many sharp comments running through her head, but she needed to suck it up. She needed this job and arguing with your customers won't get you a glowing review to the manager. Lily figured if she helped this one client with patience and grace, she would allow herself an extra five minutes during her fifteen minute break. She left her spot at the cashier and flashed the lady another (or what she hoped was) winning smile.
"I'd be happy to! This way please."
Lily took the lead in front of the woman and took her to the aisle where they held all the plastic cutlery.
"If you need anything else, please let me know," Lily said, heading back towards her position at the front.
"You're not going to stay?" said the lady, her face aghast.
"Did you need me to?"
"Isn't that your job?"
Lily sucked in a breath. Calm down.
"Right…right you are. I will stay, while you look at cutlery."
The lady gave her another look of scrutiny before scanning the options on the shelves. Lily stood there and watched her examine and read the packaging of all their plastic cutlery options. Personally, Lily would've grabbed the cheapest option she could find and call it a day. It's plastic cutlery, it doesn't need to be anything of significance. The lady continued to shuffle through all the products, then plucked one off the shelves.
Lily let out a sigh of relief and turned to walk out of the aisle.
"Can you open this? I want to see the quality of the utensils."
Lord, this woman was testing her.
"You want to see the the quality of the utensils?"
"Yes, hello, aren't you listening?"
The lady gave her a look of disdain and snapped her fingers rapidly in Lily's face. Lily wondered if she was compromising her humanity and worth by letting this woman talk to her this way.
"It's just, I'm not sure I can allow you to open the package without purchasing it."
The lady let out an irritated sigh and stomped one of her feet. She had an uncanny resemblance to a toddler who was just denied a sweet.
"Whatever, I'll just take it," she said, shoving the box into Lily's arms and marching past her. "Show me to the plates."
The pair went through the same routine again, but this time in regard to plates. She tried insisting on seeing the quality of plates, but Lily had to explain to her again that she can't open packages without having intent of purchasing them. She tried her best to remain patient with the woman, and kept checking her watch, telling herself it was only a few more minutes with this miserable customer.
Arms now laden with plastic utensils and paper plates, Lily walked the ungrateful woman to the table cloths. She felt a migraine kicking in the back of her head, so Lily took the opportunity to stand uselessly at the corner and fixate on a random spot on the floor. Lily allowed herself to zone out and think about what she might cook for dinner.
She could eat leftovers or cook some pasta. But she doesn't have cheese. She needs to have her pasta with cheese. She could use her last few pence to get some….
"HELLO?" The lady was snapping in her face again.
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" Lily said, ignoring her stomach growling at the thought of dinner.
"Ugh, you useless girl. You've been nothing but inattentive and unkind this entire experience. I will not be coming back here," the woman huffed loudly crossing her arms.
"Who is your manager?"
Lily had enough. Here she was, carrying this woman's groceries and putting up with her spiteful behavior, and she didn't even have the decency to ask her name. If she wanted to report Lily's poor behavior to her manager that bad, she could have the decency of learning her name.
"My name is Lily, which you would know if you had the kindness to ask. And I disagree, I've been nothing but patient, and I'm standing here holding your rubbish. Forgive me if you don't give you every moment of my attention!"
Lily snapped back, using that sharp tongue she was infamous for. The lady blinked back at her surprised and stared at the objects in Lily's arms. Then, she looked down at her own hands, which were carrying two different colors of tablecloth: black and a deep purple.
The lady cleared her throat.
"Right… Lily … I was just wondering if you thought the purple or black was a nicer color."
Lily blinked at her.
"I personally like the purple."
"My dad would say the same."
The lady let a limp smile flash briefly across her face. She nodded and held up the purple tablecloth inspecting it.
"My name is Sarah," she said. "I didn't mean to take such a tone with you, my dad would've scolded me for that."
Lily nodded awkwardly. Why was this grown woman talking about being scolded by her dad?
"It's just tomorrow is his funeral, my dad, and I'm grabbing some last minute things for the wake."
Oh.
"I suppose it's been stressing me out, and I haven't talked to anyone about it. I have this nasty habit of bottling things up, till i burst. And I just … I don't know … I've been dealing with it alone."
Lily nodded slowly and studied the lady in front of her. Her brown hair was pulled back in a pony tail, baby hairs were peeking out of it, making it look quite messy. She was wearing a beat up pair of sneakers and a baggy shirt. Now that her face had relaxed from its grumpy expression, she had a sort of sad look about her. She looked tired and exhausted.
"It's alright," Lily said quietly. "I get it, my own parents passed away last fall."
The lady looked at her with wide eyes.
"Bullocks. I'm sorry. Has it gotten any better?"
"Only if you try."
"Right."
"And you don't have to deal with it alone. You shouldn't deal with it alone."
Sara looked up at her with a sad smile, nodding her head.
Together, they walked back up to the front of the store in silence. Sara was holding her own items now, and Lily walked in front of her, leading her to the cashier. After some soft insistence, Sara allowed Lily to use her shredded cheese pence to buy the tablecloths for her.
"Thank you, Lily. For every thing," Sara smiled at her.
"Yeah… hope it goes well tomorrow."
"Me too. After that I suppose I have to start trying, yeah?"
Sara gave her one last smile and exited the shop with a ding.
"I suppose I should start as well," Lily murmured under her breath, watching Sara walk down the sidewalk.
Lily thought about her friends back at Hogwarts. Remus and Marlene had pushed her to say anything, but all she did was give them a phony smile and wave them off. They'd have study sessions that Lily knew was intended to be an intervention, but she didn't care. She just buried her feelings and pushed Remus and Marlene farther and farther away. Soon, they stopped trying to help her, and Lily was quick to resent them for that. She had gotten angry and petty that they didn't care to ask her how she was feeling anymore, even though she was the one who didn't reach out. They tried so hard, and all Lily could think to do was push back.
Then there was James.
There was always going to be a James.
She had completely snapped at him that night, during the end of the year party. She was drunk on firewhiskey and all her emotions were heightened.
They had been good all year too, they were becoming something resembling friends. He stopped being immature and obnoxious, and Lily stopped jumping to conclusions and judging him. He was quite funny too, he always made her laugh with ridiculous jokes and puns that shouldn't be as funny as they were. There was a sense of ease when she was around him, she felt like she could truly be herself and loosen up from the picture-perfect student act she put on. The scariest and best thing about him, though, was the fact that he could read her mind. He always knew what she was thinking and feeling and could voice it for her when she couldn't, so of course, that night he knew something was wrong. Of course, he had to follow her and press her about it.
Lily couldn't take it. She snapped. Everything about James overwhelmed her. She didn't know how to function around him, he made her feel things she's never felt before. He challenged her, every time she thought she was at her best, he pushed her to become even better. It wasn't even in a malicious way, but in a genuinely motivating way because that was James. James was good, and everything in Lily's life was anything but.
"We're not even friends! Why do you care so much?"
She had screeched these words at him. She just needed him off her scent for one second because she wasn't ready to face the guilt and sorrow of losing her parents. She had covered it with anger and pride. She used every ounce of strength to keep her head up and a smile pinned to her face, but she kept thinking about how her parents died while she was gone at school. She didn't have the chance to say goodbye to them, Voldemort had stolen them right from under her. She thought about what Petunia said.
"If you weren't such a freak, they would be here. They would be alive. You didn't just ruin our family, you killed them."
She was right. It was eating up Lily, so she did the only thing she was capable of doing. She ruined her relationship with her friends and James too.
He had looked at her, completely heartbroken and raw in front of her, as she berated and screamed at him. He let her do it. He watched her closely as she shot him with her words. At the end of it, he had just stared at her, rejection brimming in his eyes.
"Do you mean that, Lily? Tell me to leave. I will."
Don't.
"Leave."
He walked away from her because she asked him to. She wished he stayed.
Lily peered down at her watch and realized she had five minutes till her shift was over. She locked up the register and walked slowly to the employee's room, then clocked out. She walked back home, kicking at rocks on the way.
Sara was right, she ought to start trying. Maybe she wouldn't get her friends or James back, but she could at least start her life anew. She could at least try to have a bit of normalcy back again.
Dread filled her stomach as she turned the corner towards her house.
"This is good," she thought. "You need to face the empty house. You need to accept it."
Her anxiety worsened when she remembered she didn't have cheese for her pasta. Those damn tablecloths.
She stared down at the pavement as she approached her house and took a steady breath. She shut her eyes tight, but moved her head up so it was facing the old brick house. She let her eyes flutter open, expecting to see old, rotting, red brick, an old porch swing, a green front door, and more certainly, an empty house. Instead, sitting on her porch swing was a young man with hair sticking every which way. His glasses were lopsided on his face, and he had a small scar across his cheek. He had smile lines, evidently from constantly laughing, and he was wearing a plain blue shirt and a pair of shorts. The setting sun only amplified the warmth that came off of him. Every thing about him was bright. His skin was a sunny, golden tan, and he had wonderfully hazel eyes. The boy swung back and forth slightly, as he stared right back at Lily.
"Well, it's about time you came home," said James, tapping on his wristwatch. "I was beginning to get worried."