Chapter Text
“There are way too many fingers still up.” Angela murmured as she looked around the group, mainly at you. “Let’s make this an easy one.” She downed the rest of her drink as she leaned back against the TV console and squinted, arms coming up to balance against her knees leisurely. She was trying her best to come up with something easy yet still funny. Angela was one of the most expressive people you knew, which was a hard feat considering you worked in an office full of actors and comedians, and it’s also why it was incredibly easy to see when she thought of something she deemed interesting enough for this late night semi-drunk game of ‘Never Have I Ever’.
From your place on the couch, the room felt crowded in a way that was both cozy and chaotic. Spencer had claimed the lone beanbag by the window, sunk into it with his cup glued to his hand. Chanse lounged on the loveseat to your left, already looking rosier than usual. Angela and Amanda were parked on the floor in front of the TV console, treating it like their stage as they leaned against it and egged each other on. On the carpet by your knees, Shayne sat cross-legged with Courtney curled easily into his lap. Damien was beside you, close enough that you could feel when he shifted, with Arasha on his right. Everyone had their corner, and yet somehow it all overlapped into one loud blur.
“Never have I ever…” She paused for dramatic effect, a grin slowly overtaking her face. Then she started giggling.
Amanda flopped herself carelessly across Angela’s shoulders as her laughter rattled through her body. “Oh no.” She groaned good-naturedly. “Once it starts, it doesn’t stop.”
“Bet you ten bucks it’s ‘never have I ever masturbated’.” Spencer mumbled against the red solo cup he brought up to his mouth. Despite his low volume and his somewhat isolated position in the corner, he still got a round of chuckles and giggles and you could see him smiling proudly at himself at getting the group to laugh.
“No no, promise.” Angela shook her head and her hands, wiping away her tears. “It’s not, it’s not.”
“That’s a good one, though.” Shayne nodded towards Spencer. “Bet y/n will finally put another finger down.” He looked up at you pointedly from his seat on the floor. Courtney sent you a wink and a snicker from their husband’s embrace.
“Should I?” You asked, not entirely seriously, looking around the hazy low-lit room. If your eyes lingered on Damien’s for too long, no one mentioned it. “If that’s what you’re gonna say after Angela’s turn, should I put a finger down now?”
The easy going nature of the cast helped you feel more relaxed. Someone was smoking a blunt and Shayne had his scent/humidifier thing going ( “It sets the vibe, guys! I promise you’ll like it.” ) It all added to the ambience. You weren’t an anxious person by nature, but hanging out with this group of performers brought out that insecure middle schooler buried deep within you. But Courtney knew how to set the sort of environment that could bring anyone, even a self-deceiving hermit, out of their shell.
“Oh, so you have lived an eventful life?” Chanse laughed, turning to look at you from the left. His attitude was more brazen than usual, evidence of the drinks he had throughout the night. Drunk Chanse was a bit meaner than Normal Chanse, not that you ever took offense. It was fun seeing this side of him. Like his mean jabs were his way of letting you know he’d let his walls down around you. “For a second there I thought you were born two days before you started working with us.”
“Masturbating isn’t exactly what I’d call living an eventful life. ” Arasha rolled her eyes with a smile, using air quotes to emphasize her point. “But glad to know you’ve partook in that activity.”
“Real life fuckin’ chosen over here.” Shayne whispered to Courtney, though probably not as quietly as he thought. “Is ‘partook’ even a word?”
“I don’t think it is.” Courtney laughed at Arasha, who raised her arms in offense.
“It is so a word!” Arasha yelled back at Shayne, almost leaping across Damien’s lap from the far end of the couch to reach him. “And I thought you were supposed to be Mister smarty-pants book reader over here.” Damien’s eyes met yours and he rolled them with a badly restrained smile on his lips. On the drive over, the two of you had joked about how easily Shayne could disgruntle Arasha whenever alcohol was involved. It never failed to amuse you.
The whole room was a tangle of voices layered over each other—Spencer mumbling into his cup, Shayne whispering a joke that made Courtney snort, Arasha barely contained in her seat by Damien, Amanda draped dramatically over Angela as if to keep her from combusting. It was messy and loud and impossible to follow all at once, but you weren’t really trying to. Your focus kept flicking back to Damien beside you, his laughter caught at the corner of his mouth, his eyes darting to your hands more than to the game, like he wanted to keep track of your answers.
“I haven’t even said mine!” Angela shrieked, laughing so hard she nearly toppled sideways.
“Then say it! Damn!” Amanda laughed, looking around the room with wide eyes as if to say ‘look at the state of her’ .
“Never have I ever—“ She cracked up and a few groans escaped from the crowd. “Never! Never have I ever had! An orgasm!” Angela slurred and laughed through her brilliant idea.
Chanse chortled, Amanda guffawed, and Spencer snickered. Everyone put a finger down—everyone but you.
Damien glanced down at your hands and his eyebrows jumped up. He opened his mouth to say something, though he wasn’t sure what, before someone else spoke loudly. Even with his apparent attention diverted elsewhere, his mind was still with you and your lack of action after Angela’s turn.
“I’m out!” Chanse announced, flipping over his empty cup and making a show of waving around his two fists, indicating he was out of fingers and out of the game.
“I’m surprised you even lasted this long.” Spencer giggled.
“Asshole!” Chanse yelled back, leaping forward to yell at the tittering director across the room from him. “Don’t slut shame me!”
“Can I do the masturbating one now or is that joke dead?” Spencer asked the group, but before he could get an answer, he was interrupted.
You thought you’d escaped notice—until Angela’s gasp cut through the noise.
“No!” Her mouth was agape as she stared at your hand. Only two fingers down. The same two fingers that were down for the last six rounds. She leaped off the floor and pointed her finger at you accusingly. “No, you’re kidding!”
“Angela, my ears! Please!” Amanda laughed, trying to grab Angela by her legs but failing to restrain the unruly girl. “We should get a volume warning tattooed on her forehead.”
“That’s offensive to Italian Americans everywhere.” Damien chuckled. He had moved to reposition himself in his seat and, in the process his hand landed on your right knee. He squeezed it gently as an apology before bringing his hand back to his lap. The whole thing was less than half a second long, but it felt like ages for you. The heat he left behind slowly spread throughout your whole body. You’d think that after knowing him for so long, your body would stop reacting so dramatically to any sort of contact with him.
“She didn’t put a finger down!” Angela yelled, now turning to look around the circle of her friends while still pointing at you, breaking your train of thought and seemingly everyone else’s as silence fell over the group.
That did it.
Everyone turned to look at you and your two fingers.
You could only laugh.
“Guys! You said no judgement!” Even though you had abstained from any of the very well made drinks from the hands of one Tommy Bowe, it was almost like you were hotboxed in with the rest of them. Your cheeks felt warm and your head felt light and you didn’t really care much about divulging that secret. Until maybe right then when the silence felt deafening. Where was Tommy? Still in the kitchen with Trevor? Maybe you should go help them out as an excuse to get out of the mess you just put yourself into.
Earlier in the day, back at the office, Angela had insisted that you join in on the group activities tonight held at Shayne and Courtney’s apartment.
“You’ve been working here a year and we hardly know any of your lore.” She said, “We need material if we’re gonna make fun of you. We can’t keep calling you Damien’s roommate. That only gives me room to make fun of him.”
You had tried to explain that you really were as boring as you seemed, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. You didn’t mind playing with them, not really. But, and not to pull the age card, most people here were much older than you. They had so much more experience. They had lived such full lives before they joined the team. Whereas for you, joining Smosh, even as just an editor, was probably the coolest thing you’d ever done.
Spencer was the first to break the silence. “You’re kidding, right?”
Then came a barrage of questions from almost everyone around you. Everyone was talking so loudly all of a sudden, you couldn’t comprehend a single word. You must have looked overwhelmed, because you felt Damien place his hands on your ears to save them from the noise. He pulled you into his chest in a pseudo-hug, enveloping you in his cologne.
“Guys!” Courtney’s voice broke through the noise and somehow managed to shut everyone up. Damien let you go once the room’s chaos dialled down. It all happened a too fast for your liking, wanting to feel his warmth for just a little bit longer. “Don’t do this to her, come on. The first time she plays with us and this happens. She’ll hand in her resignation on Monday.”
“Court is the only person who actually loves me here.” You smiled widely, trying to dissuade the awkwardness you were feeling, kissing your palm and miming a throw towards your friend. She smiled back with a laugh and pretended to eat the kiss once she caught it.
“No, no, no!” Angela whined. “Game over, we have to talk about this! What do you mean never ?”
“Ang, come on.” Damien joined Courtney’s attempt at calming the situation down. You weren’t exactly uncomfortable with the topic, especially when you knew that a few of the people here would barely remember it come morning, but the attention was a bit sweltering. You could only blame yourself, really. You’re the one who decided that honesty was the best policy tonight.
“The game can’t be over!” You laughed, hoping you could move the conversation along and get the group to move past this. “I’m literally winning right now. This is rigged!”
“Do you really mean never? I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood my question.” Angela started speaking quickly, like her brain was running a hundred miles a minute with a tank full of red wine. “Do you mean, like, never has a person given you an orgasm or you’ve actually like literally never had one?”
“I didn’t get an orgasm that wasn’t self induced until I was twenty six.” Amanda laughed loudly, raising her cup in your direction. “Cheers to that!”
“That’s ‘cause you only sleep with men.” Courtney laughed. “I bagged the only one of them who can actually do it.”
That comment caused a ruckus in and of itself, everyone cheering and clapping Shayne on the back. A quick 'I resent that statement!' from Spencer. Thankfully, just enough of a ruckus to make the group forget about your slip up.
Comedians lie all the time, don’t they? Maybe some of the fingers that went down during the game were just lies. Maybe you should have just put your finger down.
“Who wants another drink?” Tommy yelled out from the kitchen. “This is the last round. Once I sit down, you’re all on your own!” Maybe you should’ve joined him in the first place and avoided this whole ordeal to begin with. Because, with the way Damien kept looking at you, you knew this conversation had only just begun.
As you walked out of the bathroom, you surveyed the post party wreckage. There were red solo cups everywhere, three empty bags of microwave popcorn on the floor, and a sleeping Spencer left on the bean bag he’d been sitting in for the past few hours.
Most of the guests had left at this point, leaving Tommy, who volunteered to help clean up with Shayne, and Angela and Damien by the door. But, from the looks of it, it seemed like your roommate was held hostage by a very determined Angela giving him a serious talking to. Before you could go see what that was about, Courtney came up to you.
“Hi,” They smiled, a tad sheepishly. “I hope you had fun tonight?” She asked nervously, wringing her fingers together at her chest.
“ Hey , yeah I did.” You tried your best to plaster on a believable smile. Not that you were lying, but it was well past midnight and your social battery was flashing all its red lights. “Thank you for hosting, you guys are really great at it. I really did love the humidifier thingy.”
“Thank you, baby! You’re so sweet.” She visibly relaxed and pulled you into a hug. “You alright?”
“I’m fine.” You answered quickly, pulling them in close. With a deep breath, you shook your head a bit against her shoulder and answered honestly. “I’m tired. But tonight was great.”
With a squeeze around your waist, Courtney pulled away to look you in the eyes. “Really?”
“Really.” You confirmed with a nod.
She squinted at you with a tight lipped smile, her cheeks bunching up under her eyes. She leaned forward until her forehead pressed against yours, her arms dangling by her sides, a quiet gesture of reassurance that loosened the knot in your chest. You couldn’t help but giggle at how much like a hug it felt without arms. Courtney was already a cuddly person, but Tipsy Courtney ? It was like someone turned her affection dial up to a hundred.
“‘Never have I ever’ was a bit fucked up.” They whispered, finally bringing up what she actually came to talk to you about. “I’m sorry.” She sighed.
“No, I’m sorry.” You shook your head carefully, your forehead rubbing against hers. “I made it weird. Should’ve just put a finger down.” You shrugged.
You were trying to play it cool, but inside you were melting from the shame of it all. It was weird, oh my god, it was so weird. You should’ve just shut your mouth. Angela wanted ammunition, but this was completely different. You made everyone uncomfortable and you had to see them all at the office in just a few days and you didn’t even know if you could bear to show your face in that building, let alone—
“Hey! No! Don’t do that!” Courtney snapped at you gently. “It really isn’t a big deal, I promise. Don’t do that thing where you over-catastrophize and make it all your own fault in your head.” Damn. You didn’t know your face gave away that much. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t uncomfy. And don’t worry about the rest of them, they’re all too drunk to remember most of the night anyways.” She snickered and you joined her.
“Here’s to hoping.” You raised your brows against hers and laughed. “You’re the best ever and I love you to bits.” With a big smacking kiss to her cheek, you finally broke away.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, love you more.” Courtney waved you off before dragging you into one more hug. She spoke softly into your ear, “But don’t think we’re not talking about this orgasm thing when I’m not drunk.”
“You’re tipsy at best right now.” You retorted.
“I’m booking your lunch break on Monday. We’re breaking this down.”
“Alright,” you conceded after a sigh. “Goodbye, my love.”
“Until next time, my dear.” She smiled ever so sweetly at you and gave you a parting kiss on your cheek.
You passed by Tommy and Shayne and said your goodbyes with a quick kiss on the cheek for Tommy and a side hug from Shayne before heading to the door where the duo hadn't moved.
“I’m dead serious, Damien.” Angela said as she stared Damien down—well, up—her arms steady on his shoulders.
“I know, Angela.” Damien’s response was filtered through the kind of laugh a person has when talking to a child. You were curious, but not nosy, so you decided to interrupt.
“Ready to head out?” You asked louder than you had intended to, causing the two to turn to you.
“y/n!” Angela gasped, abandoning Damien quickly to pull you into a hug. “I love you so much!”
“I love you too, Ang.” You laughed, rubbing her back. “Do you need a ride?”
“No, ‘issokay. Uber’s outside.” She shook her head repeatedly against you before pulling back to look you in the eyes. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I can’t remember what I said exactly, but I’m assuming I should apologize.”
“No, come on—“ You tried to stop her, not wanting to have the incident so fresh in Damien's mind for the ride home considering he was clearly listening.
“No, let me finish!” She stopped you in your tracks. “I dragged you out tonight and I should’ve been more accommodating. And I’m being so serious when I say this,” Angela leaned closer to whisper her next words to you, “I’ll give you an orgasm if you’d let me.”
“Angela!” You barked out a laugh of shock, hoping against hope that Damien really didn’t hear that part.
“I’m only kidding a little bit.” She mumbled, holding up her hand to show you just how much she was kidding by pinching her thumb and pointer fingers together. Then she rolled her eyes and jabbed her thumb backwards in your roommate's direction. "That's if this g—"
"Woah, hey!" Damien was quick to cut her off, much to your surprise. He definitely heard it all, then. "Don’t leave the poor driver waiting for you outside, come on.” He ushered her to keep walking towards the door.
“I had to take money out of my goddamn savings for this ride, he can wait five more fuckin’ minutes.” She grumbled but moved along with him anyway.
Damien placed his hand on your shoulder after making sure Angela was sufficiently distracted and you felt your blood rushing to your ears. After the whole debacle hours ago, you felt his eyes on you every five minutes. You knew he was just checking up on you, but god did it make you want to explode.
“You wanna wait here while I walk her to the car?” He asked, voice ever so gentle.
“No, no, go home guys.” Angela shook her head as she shuffled into her shoes, not bothering to put them on properly. “You don’t need to babysit me. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“You sure?” You asked her. “He’s just making sure you’re—“
“I’m sure, y/n, come on, I know you guys are tired. I'll text you when I get home.”
With a quick look between you and Damien, a silent exchange, you both shrugged. You could see her car, it wasn’t too far, she’d be alright.
“Okay,” You nodded, “See you Monday. Be safe.”
With another quick hug to Angela, you all headed out the door together, watching as she walked the opposite way.
The walk to the car was quiet, only the sound of crickets and the crunching of gravel under your sneakers.
“Wanna talk about what happened just there with Angela?” You asked, breaking the silence, your curiosity getting the best of you. Why’d he shut her up like that? What was she gonna say? What did she tell him?
“ Nope .” He popped the p in emphasis of his request to avoid the subject. “Wanna talk about ‘Never Have I—’”
“I think I’d prefer just about anything else, thanks.” You cut him off his attempt of a mirroring question before he could finish, eyes glued to the ground.
“Alright,” Damien nodded curtly, tucking his hands into his pockets.
A few more moments of silence passed between the two of you before Damien spoke up again.
“Shayne’s humidifier was actually pretty cool.”
Your eyes lit up. “It really was! I was just telling Court.” You laughed. You were grateful for a change of subject. “Do you wanna get one for the living room?”
“Yeah, I think it would be nice.” He agreed.
“Do you—“ You hummed as you thought of how to ask your question. “Would Shayne think it’s condescending if I told him I actually liked it?”
“Why would you think that?” He asked as he pulled out his keys from his pocket, the parked car quickly approaching.
”I don’t know.” You shrugged. “Everyone kinda shat all over it tonight.”
”Even more reason to tell him, if you ask me.” He shrugged in return, opening the passenger door for you. With a soft ‘thank you’, you climbed in and he shut the door behind you. Once he was settled in the driver’s seat, he turned to you. “Maybe don’t include the word ‘actually’ when you tell him, though.”
”Good point.” You nodded your head one time as you buckled yourself in.
He had left you off the hook this time, and for that you were grateful. You didn’t know if you had it in you to have this conversation right now.
Damien was respectful, but you also knew he was curious. These sort of conversations weren’t exactly taboo within your friendship, so he would undoubtedly try to bring it up at least one more time. And the thought of it made your pulse quicken in a way you couldn’t quite explain.