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“Hello and welcome you all to this special New Year’s episode of Taskmaster. I am Agatha Danbury, the Taskmaster. Over the next couple of hours, you will witness five people try their best to please me, sacrificing their dignity, in the hopes of winning my mighty head!” presented Agatha to the camera, pointing at the life-size replica of her head, spray-painted in gold that served as the trophy for this show.

“Please, join me in welcoming Alfie Debling, Charlotte, Michaela Stirling, Penelope Featherington, and Phillip Crane.” Each name the host listed was followed by a pause from her to allow the audience to convey their excitement with their cheerful applause.

Penelope was anxious on her chair. Her feet were barely touching the floor, despite her high heels, which made her feel all the more smaller and undeserving of sitting where she was. As an author, she was not used to being in front of so many people, especially without having control over what they would see of her.

Penelope Featherington had gained popularity with the publication of a loved book series. The success of her first book, that she had published freshly out of university, had allowed her to avoid the doom of having to find an unrewarding and underpaid job to boost her CV. Instead, Penelope had built her career as an author, telling the story of an undercover spy, plotting for a revolution against the monarchy, while managing the reality of being a woman during the regency era. There were politics, love, and smut, and it had become a bestseller rapidly. Long gone were the cover letters, replaced by manuscripts and meeting with her editors to plan out the rest of the series.

While Penelope had gone to conferences and done public readings, most of her time was spent alone behind her desk in her home-office, lounging in cosy clothes. Not in high heels and a fancy dress, on a stage in front of a large audience that was ready to judge and laugh at how she had interpreted the various tasks that she had been put through a few months back.

The author had been excited when Rae, her agent, had informed her that the Taskmaster team had reached out to invite her to join the cast of contestants for the New Year’s special episode.

While this show was usually filled with panels of comedians, these special episodes took in other types of public figures like athletes or TV show hosts, or, apparently, authors. Penelope had been excited to accept this invitation. She had been a fan of the show since its first season. It was fun to watch, series after series, comedians perform various tasks before being judged by Agatha Danbury, who wore the title of the Taskmaster.

When she had recorded her own attempts at the tasks, almost six months prior, it had been easy to forget about the fact that every decision Penelope made would get televised and judged. Her time at the Taskmaster’s House had seemed so far away from the studio recording where she currently was at. And now that she was there, Penelope could not stop herself to cringe when she remembered some of her actions during her attempts at the various tasks presented to her, all the while Agatha continued with her introductions.

“And now, the person assisting me in all these endeavours; it’s Colin Bridgerton!”

“Thank you, Taskmaster,” answered Colin, fully in his role as the Taskmaster’s Assistant. It made Penelope smile at how different he behaved in front of the camera. Even the way he carried himself while sitting down next to Agatha on his ornate chair (although not as ornate as the Taskmaster’s) was completely different than how he was off stage. Penelope and Colin had been talking just mere minutes before walking on stage, before he had slipped into his character. With his fitted suit and his iPad in hand, Colin was more than ready to co-host the show.

It was clear that Colin, unlike Penelope, was used to being in front of an audience. He had been working on this show for a few series now. He was completely in his element. As Colin went on to banter with Agatha, Penelope grew distracted from her worries about her performance, getting lost in her thoughts while watching him instead. Although there was the façade of the role he was portraying, the author could still see glimpses of the real Colin she had learnt to know over the last few months.

The two had met for the first time a few months prior, when Penelope had arrived at the Taskmaster’s House to record her tasks. She had known about Colin much earlier than that, however. Penelope had been a big fan of his work for a long time, before he would become the Taskmaster’s Assistant. When Colin was a host on a travel show.

As a homebody, Penelope had loved to travel with him through her TV screen, discovering parts unknown of the world, learning about new cultures and salivating at the images of meals Colin enjoyed so much and described with such details it felt like she was tasting them herself.

Penelope had been disappointed when Colin had announced his departure of the show. In the Instagram post he had published, he had explained his reasoning, about missing his family and his tiredness of constantly be on the move. She could not fault him, even if she would miss him on her small screen. To say she had been excited when, a few months later, Colin had announced his new show, would be an understatement. Penelope had blindly followed him, eager to watch him again on her TV.

Years, and a few series later, she was now on this show, watching Colin work with her own two eyes.

“While our lovely contestants are playing to win my lovely head, they are also hoping to win the prizes we’ve asked them to bring,” Agatha said, bringing Penelope back to the studio where they were currently recording. “What did we ask them to bring?”

“You’re going to like it. We’ve asked them to bring their most magnificent stationary item.”

Penelope was quite happy with the prize she had come up with. As in every episode of Taskmaster, contestants were always asked to bring a prize for the first task. The unexpected part was the theme it would be about. As an author, coming up with the perfect stationary item had seemed appropriate. Hopefully, Penelope would not be judged more harshly than the others because she was supposed to be an expert.

The prize task was also a nice segway to introduce all the contestants and learn more about them and how they might perform their tasks. The first person to go was Alfie Debling. He was also the only person Penelope had actually met before beginning filming for this show. They had gone on a few dates together, about two years prior, before agreeing that they were not compatible. Penelope had thought they had ended things on good terms. Until Alfie had talked about her on his podcast.

Alfie Debling had a popular podcast. At first, it was a place where he could talk about ecology and how everyday people could contribute to fight climate change. It had been during this period that they had gone on their dates. Penelope had liked how passionate he had been about his topic of interest. Unfortunately, Alfie had not been able to expand his curiosity onto Penelope’s own interests.

Over time, and after some different business deals, Alfie’s podcast had evolved and turned into something more similar to gossip – even if he refused to call it that. Alfie, now joined by his co-host Fife, had now access to more famous and popular people than before. They were invited to private parties and went to the VIP sections in clubs. The two podcasters loved to report what they had learnt about these celebrities on their podcast. They ‘tried’ to keep their gossips anonymous, but it was always easy to figure out who they were talking about.

So, when Alfie had talked about the dates he had gone on a couple of years back with “a mousy and frigid writer, who didn’t have much more than a nice rack,” people had been quick to figure out who he had been describing, especially because he was still following her Instagram account. His fans had started tagging her all over social media on extracts from the podcast where she was hinted at. Penelope had not minded his comment too much; he had been awfully boring himself and completely self-centred, she did not care about his negative opinion he had of her.

However, she had been hurt when Fife had thanked Alfie for doing “charity work, taking out undatable women to have things to report to the podcast.” That one had been more painful, even if she had decided to take the high road and had never made any comment about it in return. They were not worth it.

Especially now that she could watch the same old boring Alfie try to defend his boring and empty notebook as the most magnificent stationary item. “It’s not empty, it’s full of possibilities.”

“Possibilities of receiving one point,” Agatha shot back, with a glare that made it clear he should not try to argue further.

That was the aim of the prize task: find the object that would be on theme and please the Taskmaster the most in order to receive the most points out of five. For each task, Agatha would judge their performance and distribute points to each contestant. All the other tasks, except the last one, had been recorded individually a few months back. Penelope had no idea how the other contestants had performed, and they were about to discover the edited versions of their attempts.

At the end of their special episode, the person with the most points would receive all the prizes brought by the contestant for the first task, which now included Alfie’s boring empty notebook, as well as the golden replica of Agatha’s head that served as the show’s trophy. And, of course, the winner would also get bragging rights for having won Taskmaster.

Next down the line was Charlotte. She was famous enough that she could go only with her first name. And famous enough that Penelope could not believe she was in the same room as her – let alone that Charlotte actually knew her name and who she was.

Penelope had been taken aback when she had learnt they would be on the same show and that they would interact. As an actress, respected by all in the industry, it was surprising that Charlotte had accepted to participate to this show. Colin had confided to Penelope that the actress was apparently a big fan of Taskmaster and enjoyed watching it on her downtime. It had been her own team that had reached out to do the show, not the other way around.

“I’d say my item could go well with this notebook, but it’s so much more magnificent that it would be downplaying it by association,” Charlotte first introduced, looking at Alfie with so much disdain that Penelope almost felt bad for him. Almost.

“She already hates it, no need to bash it any further,” Alfie tried to defend himself.

“Anyway,” Charlotte continued, turning back towards Agatha, “this item was gifted to me by a close friend after I received my first BAFTA. And I used it to sign the contract for my role that led me to my second BAFTA.” On the big screen was a photo of a Montblanc fountain pen, with diamonds inserted in it. It was clear that it was a really expensive pen. Probably a too expensive pen. And it was quite magnificent.

It did seem to impress Agatha. Her and Charlotte were actual friends, not that it would impact the Taskmaster’s judgements. She did not say anything about the pen, but Penelope started to worry seeing the slight eyebrow raise. It did look good for Charlotte, less-so for Penelope who was yet to present her prize.

Before that, however, was Michaela Stirling’s turn. A well-known singer, whose album had served as the soundtrack of Penelope’s last breakup. While openly queer, and openly singing about it, Michaela always managed to convey emotions in such a raw way that translated universally. Including for Penelope’s very heterosexual anger against James Basilio, her ex, and his dodgy breakup text and suspiciously very quick rebound with his now fiancée. (To say she had dated someone who had compared her energy to his dead horse and used the excuse that it was too painful to see here in person in his breakup text. That had been a lower moment than the whole podcast debacle.)

Fans of Michaela had been happy when she had been announced in the cast for this New Year’s episode. They loved how cheeky and confident she was, which the singer illustrated well with the prize she had brought with her.

“A sexy calendar with pictures of yourself?” asked Agatha, while taking notes for her ranking.

“Thought you might enjoy it, the summer months are particularly hot this year,” Michaela answered with a wink. A sexy wink, something Penelope had never attempted but knew she would only do poorly.

After another eyebrow raise, Agatha turned towards Penelope. It was her turn. Up until then, she had been confident in her choice. She knew her stationary and was convinced that her choice was great. But with all the attention suddenly on her, she felt nervous. Ignoring how dry her mouth felt, Penelope tried her best to play it cool and say the little speech she had practiced in front of her mirror.

“This was hard for me, because I love stationary.”

“And you think I don’t?” interrupted Agatha.

“Well,” Penelope said, slightly taken aback. She had not prepared for that during her practice. But she knew people loved to see banter on this show, maybe she could try. Fake it ‘til you make it, right? “I don’t know if you love it as much as me. Because I love it the most, you know, as a writer.”

“As a stationary connoisseur, and because I know what’s the queen of stationary items is, I truly hope you brought it. Otherwise, I don’t know how many points I’ll award you, but my disappointment might be greater than when that boring notebook got revealed. Should we say it together?” asked Agatha. Penelope’s nod made the entire audience whisper in trepidation.

Colin counted them down, clearly excited, like the other contestants, to find out if they shared the same opinion on what was the greatest stationary item.

On the count of three, both Penelope and Agatha exclaimed at the same time “A laminator!” to the excitement of everyone in the studio.

Penelope was proud of herself. She could breathe better now that her first proper interaction in front of the audience had gone well. Agatha had liked her prize, and, more importantly, Penelope had not ridiculed herself. Things were starting well. Maybe it would balance out her other choices and mistakes she had done during the recording of the tasks.

Once everyone had calmed down from the excitement over the laminator, Agatha turned towards Phillip, who visibly swallowed.

“I don’t know it it’ll rise to the laminator level. But I have a passion for gardening,” the last contestant started. While he was most commonly known for being a presenter on The Great Pottery Throw Down, Penelope was more familiar with his previous work as a host on a children TV show. He used to teach them about all things related to nature and what activities children could do outside, including gardening. Penelope had been introduced to Phillip’s show through her nieces, but she had actually learnt a few things while watching him with them, including how to save her fern that had been dying next to her desk. “And so, I’ve brought to you what I consider to be the best, and most magnificent, stationary item: a seed ruler!”

Unfortunately for Phillip, his excitement was followed by silence. Everyone looking at the photo of his ruler on the big screen.

“It’s just a ruler,” said Colin, his voice raising at the end of his sentence, as if he was asking a question. Phillip tried his best to explain the importance of the object he had brought, detailing the necessity of planting seeds at the correct distance. Unfortunately for him, it was clear that he was the only person passionate about gardening in the room.

“It goes without saying, five points to Penelope. Then, I’m going with Michaela – I like the commitment and boldness. Three points to Charlotte, two to Phillip; it’s just a ruler. And finally, Alfie: lack of efforts, lack of points,” Agatha distributed, marking the end of the prize task.

# Bridgerton House #

Everyone in Anthony Bridgerton’s living room clapped for Penelope, hollering at the recent addition to their ranks, making her blush. She had met the family a few times already, but it was her first experience at one of their watch parties.

Since the beginning of Colin’s career on television, it had become tradition for the family to meet either at Anthony’s or Violet’s houses to watch the new episode airing, just as they were currently doing for this special episode of Taskmaster. Usually, it was to cheer on Colin for his role as the Taskmaster’s Assistant. This time, however, as they celebrated the beginning of the New Year, most of the attention was on Penelope – the one who was actually a contestant on the show.

Penelope’s appreciation for being the centre of attention had not changed since the studio recording a couple of months earlier. Thankfully, although the Bridgerton family was big, it did not compare with the size of the audience at the studio recording.

And this time, she could sink into her boyfriend’s chest instead of meeting his eyes from the other side of the stage. Colin, aware of his girlfriend’s shyness, wrapped his arms more tightly around Penelope and whispered his congratulations into her hair.

“A laminator, who would’ve thought,” Anthony pondered. “I would have gone with a label maker.”

“It’s a good option, but nothing beats the satisfaction of actually using a laminator, and getting the warm, perfectly plastic-y sheet out of it,” Kate answered back.

Ignoring the debate that was about to form between Anthony and his wife, Gregory preferred to redirect the conversation with something he was actually interested in.

“Col’, do you think there’s a way to bribe the winner to get Michaela’s calendar?”

Colin decided to ignore his younger brother, watching his mother explain to Eloise the importance of seed ruler and how she disagreed with Agatha’s ranking of Phillip’s prize. Instead, Gregory’s question was rewarded with a punch in the arm from Hyacinth, who was sitting next to him on the floor, at the feet of one of the two couches. “You’re not going to goon on her sexy photos!”

“Ouch! Of course not. It’s not for me, I was asking for Fran!”

“Don’t drag her into this, especially when she’s not here to defend herself!” Benedict countered, defending the only Bridgerton sibling absent from their watch party. Francesca was away in Scotland, where she had gone to celebrate the New Year’s with some friends. She had promised she would catch up on the episode as soon as she could. All the siblings knew that if it were not for Colin or Penelope, she would do it for Michaela, on whom it was clear she had a crush on.

“Now shut up with your dumb questions, the next task is starting!” Daphne called out, trying to grab the remote control from her husband’s hand to raise the volume on the TV.

# Taskmaster's House #

Colin was always nervous when a new contestant came to the Taskmaster’s House, particularly when he did not know them personally beforehand. As he waited in the garden, Colin watched through the glass door the crew set up the room for the upcoming task. He had briefly met Penelope Featherington when she had arrived, before watching her being led around the tour the house to learn its layout. Colin had been on the makeup chair in the bedroom that served as the green room. It had not allowed him for a proper greeting as he would have liked.

During their brief introduction, Colin had been tongue-tied, which rarely happened to him anymore. It used to happen more when he first started, when meeting people whose career he respected greatly. Nowadays, Colin was more used to it, and he had gained confidence in his own skills as a host on a comedic show. However, with Penelope it had been different.

Colin had not expected her to be so much more beautiful than on the photos and videos he had seen of her before. Her red and curly hair were brighter, her smile more welcoming and her green dungarees and yellow undershirt made her look even cuter. She was the perfect woman and for a few seconds, he did not know how to deal with that while remaining professional.

The Taskmaster’s Assistant kept getting lost in his thoughts of her while he was supposed to do his last check-ins. Will, a member of the crew, called out for him to go to his spot on the chair next to the camera to wait out for Penelope to enter the room. Shaking his head, Colin reminded himself that he had to focus on his job.

They had already recorded the tasks for this New Year’s episode with a few of the contestants already. Charlotte and Michaela were done with it, Alfie had done half of them and would finish them after his ‘work trip’ to Ibiza, and Phillip was slated for the following week. It was always complicated to balance everyone’s schedule, particularly with the special celebrities. Colin was happy not to be the person in charge of organising all the calendars and to just show up when he was asked to.

In addition to his normal nervousness, there was also excitement to spend his afternoons with Penelope for the coming days. She would work on her book in the morning before joining them at the Taskmaster’s House to film her attempts at the tasks. Meaning, Colin had the opportunity to get to know her better over the next few days.

Colin had been a fan of Penelope’s work for a long time. Longer than he was willing to admit publicly. He had discovered her first book back when he was still hosting his travel show. Colin had bought it in a small bookstore in the middle of Ireland, when they had to pause the recording of his show due to bad weather. It had given him time to read the entire book in a couple of days. Immediately, Colin had fell in love with the author’s wittiness and clever choice of words. It had been her first published book, and Colin had bought all of her following publications and had enjoyed watching the book series become more and more popular. Colin also routinely listened to Penelope’s interviews, enjoying the sound of her voice and how intelligent she was in her answers.

Her stories had started as an escape for Colin. He had found her book when he had started questioning his willingness to continue with presenting his travel show. Back when the idea of travelling was starting to feel dreadful. Back when just the thought of quitting made him feel queasy with guilt because of all the other employees who would be out of a job because of him. Back when he did not know what he really wanted to do in his life.

Despite Penelope’s stories taking place during the Regency era, and including murder attempts, it also told the story of flawed characters, who had their own problems and questions. It had helped Colin immensely when he was questioning his own life choices. Her books had served as companions as Colin had come to term with his tiredness for his nomadic lifestyle.

Penelope’s way with words had also contributed to Colin’s speech he had given his boss when discussing the option of not renewing his contract for further series of travel. He had explained his lack of enthusiasm at the idea of leaving his family again and had admitted wanting to settle down. His boss had, thankfully, been understanding, and aware that Colin was a pulling force to get an audience to tune in. Their conversation was what had led Colin to co-host Taskmaster alongside Agatha Danbury. And, in his mind, Colin was always thankful for Penelope and her stories for giving him the courage to seek something else.

And now, he had to play it cool while he was sitting on a chair, next to cameras, waiting for Penelope to enter the room. He just needed to play his character of the Taskmaster’s Assistant while watching the most beautiful and intelligent woman in the world do her tasks.

# Studio Recording #

Everyone in the studio turned towards the big screen to watch the first pre-filmed task. This was going to happen throughout the studio recording. They would see edited versions of each contestant’s attempts at the tasks before they would debrief and comment of the different performances. Then, Agatha would distribute the points as she saw fit.

Penelope was nervous once again. The calm she had felt after successfully presenting her prize task was long gone. She wondered which task they would show first, and whether it was one where she had ridiculed herself.

With the first image of her entering the Taskmaster’s House’s lounge, Penelope immediately knew which they had picked to be first. And she felt all the blood drain from her face. Based on the way she had greeted Colin, it was clear that it was her first task she had filmed. And she knew how it had ended. As much as she had prepared mentally, Penelope was not sure she was ready to relive it – especially not in front of an audience.

Looking at Colin instead of the screen, where her and her fellow contestants greeted the Taskmaster’s Assistant, Penelope made eye contact with him. He was already watching her, and she was grateful for the reassuring wink he sent her way. He, too, knew how the task would go. And knew he needed to reassure her.

Bringing her attention back to the screen, Penelope watched herself and the four other contestants read aloud their first task.

After putting down the paper with the task back on the table, Charlotte’s first question was about the possibility of wrecking a car. Alfie wondered if he was allowed to destroy the golf course that stood next door. Michaela asked if she could run into the traffic outside the gate. Phillip laughed menacingly while scrolling on his phone. Penelope lamented, her head in her hands, complaining about the fact that “I don’t like to make a mess!”

“As you can see, Taskmaster, we had to remind a few of the contestants about safety,” Colin said once the video was over and the attention was back on the seven people on the stage.

“I can see that. And I have to say, I’m intrigued. Who shall we see first?” Agatha asked.

“First, we’re going to the kitchen to have some Fettucine Alfredo and a Charlotte Royale. We’re going to see Alfie and Charlotte!”

Penelope knew that her boyfriend was proud of his joke. He had told it to her already one evening when she was staying at his place. She had been falling asleep while he was still writing down ideas on his notepad ahead of the recording. Penelope loved the way his eyes sparkled when he made a pun. Especially when he knew it would annoy Agatha. Who clearly showed her disdain for it, before turning towards the big screen once more.

The video showed both Alfie and Charlotte’s attempts. They both entered the kitchen, a look of determination on their face, ready to make a mess like the task demanded. They both threw eggs on the floor, played with bags of flour, sprayed water everywhere. They took the task at heart, particularly Charlotte who laughed throughout the entire process.

The actress proceeded to make herself a sandwich, spreading mayonnaise both on the slices of bread and on the kitchen counter. Any crumbs, whether on the cutting board or on herself, were brushed to the floor.

Alfie decided to swap the sugar and the salt, making a mess in the process. Charlotte walked on the biscuit she had dropped on the floor. Alfie spread some Marmite on the window.

“Both similar approaches,” Agatha said when the edit presenting the two different attempts was over. “I liked Alfie’s sugar-salt swap. It’s basic, but it can cause some long-term damage in the future if the crew forgets about it. Who’s next?”

“Next, I’ve been asked by production to inform people that they should not do that at home. There were safety precautions taken before this attempt.”

It was immediately clear why Colin had to share this reminder. Watching Michaela take out the cushions from the caravan that stood in the house’s garden, pile them on the ground in front of the house, and lit them on fire felt like a fever dream to Penelope. She could vaguely remember noticing the burn mark but would never have imagined they were caused by a fellow contestant. Thankfully, the fire did not catch as much as Michaela seemed to have hoped. It did cause a clear burnt mark on the cushions, but it did not destroy them or made a big mess.

“What is wrong with you?” Agatha asked when the attention was back on her.

“So much, you’ve got no idea.”

Turning back to her assistant, the Taskmaster asked, “Why did we think it’d be a good idea to invite her to my house?”

“Foolishness. And while she didn’t require our on-set medic, our next contestant did.”

“Oh no,” Penelope could not help to mutter. Loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Oh yes! I can’t wait,” Agatha said giddily, turning her body towards the big screen, her eagerness clearly visible.

# Taskmaster's House #

Penelope spent two full minutes not doing anything, looking into the void. While his work-brain was thinking of how they would make it interesting in the edit, Colin was also actually starting to worry for Penelope herself. She had not said anything since her admission that she did not like messes.

Before he could check up on her, Penelope suddenly stood up, looking more determined than ever and asked Colin, and the rest of the crew, to follow her. At that moment, Colin was surprised at how eager he was to do it. Since he had first heard it, the Taskmaster’s Assistant had always loved her voice. And now she was using it to give him order. It was over for him. Colin would have followed her anywhere in the world. Thankfully, she simply led him to the front of the house, near the caravan that stood in the garden.

“Stay here,” Penelope ordered (that too, Colin could get used to), before walking to the small shed that stood behind the caravan. She came back with her arms full of various objects she had found there.

Penelope repeated the same process a few more times, along with some whispered mutterings that sounded a lot like “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Colin did not know either, but he was enjoying watching her, especially when she tried to run with her arms full and her tiny legs slowing her down. He probably should not find it as endearing as he was, but was it really his fault if she was the cutest?

Colin tried to remind himself that he was being filmed. He probably should try to hide his endearment from his face. As the Taskmaster’s Assistant, he was supposed to stay neutral in front of all the contestants, not show any favouritism. Especially not show his crush on one of them.

“Do you need help?” Colin could not stop himself from asking, seeing the timer running low. “You only have two minutes left.” She had just walked up to him, piling up even more objects at his feet.

After a quick look at him, scanning his entire body, Penelope nodded. “You look tall enough, you giant. Follow me.” With no question, Colin eagerly obeyed.

In a normal setting, he would tease her about her own size. Maybe flirt a little if he was brave enough. But Colin was more than aware of the cameras around them, and of his colleagues behind them. He needed to stay in his role of the Taskmaster’s Assistant.

It seemed like he would have to remind himself of that fact regularly while in Penelope’s company. Refocussing on her demand, Colin quietly followed the contestant and waited for her instructions.

When they arrived in front of the shed, Colin was surprised to find it completely empty. He had seen the pile of objects Penelope had brought out, but he had not expected it to be everything from the shed.

“Stay there and get ready to catch it. I’m going to push it from the back.”

Colin stood where Penelope had instructed him, not truly understanding what she was asking of him. “What are you going to push exactly?”

The contestant turned back to him, with the most devastating smile, and simply said, “The shed.”

To say that Colin had little hope for Penelope’s plan was an understatement. He could not imagine such a small person lift a wooden structure like the shed, even if it was not particularly big. She was not either, after all.

And what a mistake it was. Colin had been too busy chuckling at the small shakes of the shed to actually react when Penelope finally managed to make it move towards him. Instead of his hands, it was his face that caught the small wooden built.

“Oh fuck.”

“Colin are you ok?”

“What happened?”

“He’s bleeding!”

Everything happened so fast. There were voices all around him. Colin barely had time to register his surroundings and what had just happened to him. He had walked backwards after getting hit, letting the shed fall on the ground with a crack – something must have broken. Still standing, but a bit shaken, Colin made eye contact with Penelope. She had not moved from her spot on the other side of the shed, and the sheer panic on her face was fully readable, even to a stunned Colin. It took one member of the crew putting a cloth to his nose for him to realise that the warm liquid dripping down his nose, and onto his shirt, had been blood.

“Colin! I’m so sorry!” Penelope exclaimed, finally moving towards him. He could not detach his eyes from her. Even in her panic, she was still just as beautiful. Colin watched her while she struggled to reach his side, which made him realise how many members of the crew were hovering around him, trying to tend to his nose.

Once the medic arrived at his side, almost at the same time as Penelope, things started to move. Colin was taken to the green room, where he was given a check-up: nothing broken and no signs of concussion. There was nothing to be done aside from settling down a bit. “Just lay down while they get everything sorted. Enjoy your break,” the medic told him before leaving the room.

Less than a minute later, there were knocks on the door, followed by Penelope’s head peaking in. She only let herself enter the room once Colin invited her in, encouraging the contestant to sit down on the couch by his side. She, too, looked shaken up. Penelope had probably waited outside the door for the medic to come out before knocking.

“I’m so so sorry, Colin,” the author apologised once she sat down next to him. Her eyes were travelling across his face, assessing the damage she had caused, and looking for any signs of greater damage.

“You’ve got nothing to apologise for. I should’ve listened to you and gotten ready to catch the shed,” he shrugged off. His nose bleed had stopped before he had even reached the green room, and he had been able to clean his face. The only remnants of the accident were the tiny cut on the bridge of his nose and the blood drying on his shirt he was yet to change. “That wasn’t really well done of me, was it?”

“No, it’s all my fault. I’m sorry I ruined everything. I was convinced you’d catch it easily.” Colin watched as Penelope refrained herself from bringing her hand to his nose. He truly wished she had not had the decorum. Colin was convinced her touch would have stopped the pulsing pain he still felt in his nose, but that he would never admit to her.

“I was distracted. You warned me and I didn’t listen,” Colin interrupted before she could continue apologising. He did not want her to feel any guilt over this accident that was caused by his own lack of concentration.

The Taskmaster’s Assistant also worried that she would not enjoy the rest of the tasks they were meant to film if he did not manage to put her at ease. He wanted her to have fun while they filmed her tasks. “You were asked to make a big mess. I think you’ve achieved that quite well.”

“I don’t even know what I was trying to do. I panicked and I hurt you.”

“It’s just a scratch, I’m fine. I have seven siblings, I’ve survived worse than that,” Colin reassured her. “We’ll see how much of it they’ve got on film, but I know that Agatha will like your attempt.”

Penelope’s apologetic look changed to horror. She was even paler than she normally was. “Oh no. They’re going to show it to everyone. All your fans are going to know I’m the one who broke your perfect face,” Penelope lamented.

Had Colin not been convinced she was on the verge of quitting the show, he probably would have flirtingly teased her about her comment on his face. Instead, he kept his mouth shut and enjoyed the compliment coming from the most beautiful woman. It was probably not as healing as her touch would have been, but it did make him forget about the pain in his nose.

This time, there were no crew nor cameras. Just him and Penelope, whose face was hidden in her hands. He could bask in the compliment without hiding the effect it had on him.

# Studio Recording #

“I wasn’t expecting that,” Agatha said, breaking the silence that had fallen onto the studio once the edit of Penelope’s attempt was over. “I don’t know exactly what you were originally trying to do, but you did create a big mess.”

“I’m still very sorry, Colin,” Penelope said, ignoring Agatha. Instead, she turned towards her now boyfriend, not that anyone in the room knew about that. As anytime this conversation came up, Colin shrugged it off.

“I just want to reassure everyone watching – and Penelope. My face is safe and sound. Nothing broke, it was just a shock to the nose and some light bleeding. You might see a small scar heal in one or two tasks that were filmed directly afterwards, but that’s all. In the end, there was a bit of a mess that required some cleaning up while I sat down to recover. All is well.” The tone of voice he adopted for his last sentence made Penelope know that it was aimed at her specifically. All was well.

“I always love watching Colin suffer. It balances out for all the times he annoys me or my contestants. Props to you, Penelope, I think you’re the first person to actually draw blood on this show. And now that we’ve all been reassured that Colin Bridgerton’s pretty face is still as perfect as before, Phillip, you’ve got some work ahead of you to make a bigger mess.”

“I sure did try my best, Taskmaster. Although it was a lot less bloody.”

On cue, everyone turned back to the big screen to watch the last attempt. Everyone but Colin and Penelope. He wanted to check up on her, to make sure she was feeling fine after watching the edited version of her task. And she wanted to apologise one more time.

In the background of their silent conversation, Phillip’s task was being played. He had interpreted the task differently than the rest of the contestants. Instead of destroying the Taskmaster’s property, or Colin’s face, Phillip had decided to call his father and announce that “I’ve had a one-night stand and she’s now pregnant. You’re going to be a grandpa!” before hanging up without answering any of the questions asked. He spent the rest of the time of the task reading aloud panicked text messages and dodging phone calls from his father, brother, and sister-in-law.

When the attention of the room was back on Phillip, including Penelope’s and Colin’s, Agatha started to interrogate the contestant about the fallout of his phone call.

“Oh, I don’t really know how he reacted. We’re not super close, so I haven’t seen him since then. I hope he’s watching the show. Otherwise, I don’t think he knows nothing of it was true.”

“You didn’t call back to explain it was a prank?” Agatha asked, surprised.

“Unless my brother told him, he still thinks I’m going to give him a grandchild.”

After their discussion, as Agatha had seen all of the attempts to the task, she distributed the points to the contestants.

Charlotte and Alfie were at the bottom, not impressive enough for the Taskmaster. Although she did give Alfie the two points as she considered the swapping of the salt and sugar to be something  the crew might forget and serve to a future contestant.

Then, there was Michaela, unfortunately (or fortunately) the fire had not caught as she had intended and made it less impressive. Phillip was the one to win the five points in the end. “You did create a big mess. And Penelope, you did too, but it was mostly by accident, four points for you.”

# Bridgerton House #

“How’s Colin Bridgerton’s pretty face going?” Benedict asked as Agatha introduced the commercial break. “Still as pretty?”

“Reddit is already analysing Colin’s Instagram to answer that question,” Hyacinth answered instead of her brother, showing her phone to the room. “Someone suggested you’ve gotten cosmetic surgery.”

“You’ll see, it’s barely noticeable as Pen’s tasks go on. It’s really nothing,” Colin reassured the room once more. It was, once again, mostly aimed at Penelope, who was still cuddled in his arms. “I’ve gotten more hurt during Game Nights with you guys than with this shed.”

“Hyacinth, have you seen the post about people wondering if he has a crush on Penelope?” Gregory asked, ignoring Colin’s comment. “They think it’s because he was too busy drooling over her that he didn’t catch the shed.”

“How could I be distracted by her if I couldn’t see her? She was behind the shed!”

“You did look lost in your thoughts after Penelope told you to follow her,” Daphne agreed with their younger brother.

“No, I wasn’t! I was a professional!” Colin could feel Penelope try to hide her laugh against his chest. He was more than aware that he was fighting a losing battle. Everyone knew, himself included, that if it had been any other contestants, it would not have had happened.

“Well, some people in the comments of that thread are arguing that his crush is on Micheala. And one person is shipping him with Phillip,” Hyacinth informed the room.

# Studio Recording #

Agatha and Colin went along the script they had written for the banter after the commercial break and teased the following task. Before Penelope could try and guess which one it would be, the video started on the big screen.

All five contestants entered the lounge, one after the other, and wondered where Colin was. While Alfie, Charlotte and Michaela were suspicious of his absence, and Phillip asked the crew if it was normal, Penelope was visibly disappointed when she noticed he was not in the room.

Penelope hoped the fans did not know her well enough for it to be noticed. She did not want to fuel the rumours from the fans of the show about a potential relationship between them. Especially because, back then, they were still strangers to each other.

However, based on her boyfriend’s small smile, she noticed from her chair in the studio, she knew that he had caught her disappointment. And, had they not been sitting in front of a large audience with cameras pointed at them, Colin probably would have teased her about it.

Each contestant sat at the table in the middle of the room and opened the envelope containing their next task. As soon as they finished reading the last line on the paper, they all immediately jumped into action to find their best hiding spot.

Penelope remembered how she had instantly known where she wanted to hide. When she had toured the house to learn its layout, she had been shown a room that looked abandoned and never visited. Although she had rarely played hide-and-seek as a child, Penelope knew that her small size could lead her to victory and maybe she could get five points for this task.

“Did you set up this task because you never got to play hide-and-seek as a child?” Agatha asked her assistant once the focus was back on them after the introduction to the newest task had finished playing.

“I grew up with seven siblings, do you really think I never found people to play with?”

“Colin, I hate to break it to you, but they were hiding from you, not playing hide-and-seek with you,” Michaela jumped in, making the audience laugh.

“Well, at least my siblings were better at hiding than some of the contestants. Do you really think you’re one to talk?” Colin asked Michaela. Agatha, eager to see how the singer had performed, immediately asked for her edit to go first.

As Colin had teased, Michaela had not performed well in this task. She had tried to jump over the garden fence and to hide at its feet, outside the House’s property. However, she had not taken into account that Colin had heard her while she had climbed it, and that he was taller than her, and therefore able to easily check over the fence.

“So, I found her in one minute and thirty-seven seconds,” Colin informed the room once the video was over.

“Agatha, I think it’s unfair that your Assistant is so tall. He forgets that other people are normal size, and I think he’s cheating,” Michaela tried humorously to defend herself.

To no avail. Agatha argued that given her stature, she could have found a better hiding spot. Penelope had to agree. Michaela was not much taller than herself, even if her feet did touch the floor of the studio. Who in their right mind would think that jumping over the fence was a good idea. And how could Micheala forget about Colin’s size?

“To see if the hider’s size is really that important, let’s have a look at the attempts from our two tallest contestants, Alfie and Phillip!”

Their attempts brought back a smile on Michaela’s face. It was even more disastrous than what she had done. Both men had hidden near the caravan – where Colin was counting down. Michaela had made some noise, but it was more discreet than Alfie hiding in the bushes behind the caravan and Phillip under it.

“You do know it was written on the task that Colin was in the caravan?”

“I thought he’d go and check the house before the caravan,” Phillip tried to defend himself.

“I checked the caravan every time,” Colin informed the room. “But in both of your cases, I also heard you guys hide.” The Taskmaster’s Assistant continued by giving details about their attempts and how long it had taken him to find them. There was just a two second difference; Phillip successfully remained hidden for eleven seconds, while Alfie was only for nine seconds.

“Micheala, I need to apologise. Maybe your attempt was not that bad,” Agatha told the singer.

“Maybe we should watch the last two performances before apologising?” Colin asked as he pressed on his iPad to start the next video.

Colin came running out of the caravan, checking around and under it first, before going inside the house. It was clear that the Taskmaster’s Assistant knew the layout of the house well, and that he was well-practiced in the art of playing hide-and-seek. He was organised and methodical. Ticking off possible hiding spots as he looked in each room, leaving no place unchecked.

On his first round of the house, Colin ran his hand through the coats in the wardrobe near the kitchen. His face shifted when he touched something, but not to excitement, to horror. Soon, Charlotte came out of her hiding spot, and Colin was unable to make eye-contact with her.

The awkwardness between the two made the entire audience laugh. Penelope was sure they would come back to it once the rest of the video was over for an explanation on what had happened. However, first, past-Colin still needed to find her.

The Taskmaster’s Assistant kept running around the house, calling out for Penelope in the hope she would react. Only then did the editing team started to include the footage from the small camera Penelope had with her in her hiding spot. It was unclear where exactly she was, but it showed how she was squeezed under a wooden panel.

# Taskmaster's House #

“She just texted me,” Colin informed the camera, showing his phone. There was a photo of Penelope at the beach, dressed in a beautiful pink gingham dress attached to her message. Her hair was also shorter than fifteen minutes earlier when he had last seen her. It was an old photo, and as beautiful as she was in it, Colin should not let it distract him in his search.

Putting her message aside, Colin kept on looking around the house for any sign of the author. It was his second pass through the house and still, there was no sign of the petite woman. She should not be this hard to find. Her hair alone was like a big neon sign, inviting everyone to look at her.

Colin went through the house again, slowly losing his mind. He was even looking under the pillows on the couch and behind the kettle. And every so often, Penelope would text him with new photos of herself, each time in a clearly different setting.

While he normally would enjoy receiving these photos and knew he would look at them more thoroughly at the end of the day once he was home and away from the cameras, at that very moment, his competitive nature was taking over.

“Where the fuck is she?” Colin asked the crew, who were more than happy to ignore his plea. “What the fuck?” he asked when he noticed that Penelope was bored enough to actually call him. Apparently, the photos were not enough to entertain her anymore.

“Hey Colin. Where are you, I’m waiting.”

“Hello Penelope. Can you tell me about your day?” Colin asked, already walking around the house in the hope of hearing her voice.

“Well, you know. I’ve come to your house, did a couple of tasks, including one where I broke your face. I’m still very sorry about that,” and she was, based on the tone she adopted for her last sentence.

“I’m more annoyed at how well you’re hidden than about that accident,” Colin cut in. He should be leaving her talk and listen in to find where she was, but he also needed Penelope to know he was absolutely not bothered by the small scratch he had on the ridge of his nose. Any pain he had felt before were long gone by then.

“Yeah, about that. I’m starting to really need to use the restroom, so if you could make haste and find me already, that would be highly appreciated.”

“— highly appreciated.”

“Shut up. No, actually, don’t shut up. Keep talking.” Colin was fairly sure he had heard her both on the phone and around him.

“Are you finally near me?” Penelope asked. And indeed, Colin was finally closing in. Lifting the wooden panel that was laying in the shower they never used, sat Penelope. Looking down at her, she seemed even smaller than she really was. It made him think that maybe checking under the pillows had not been that terrible of an idea.

“Can you help me up? I can’t feel my legs anymore.”

# Studio Recording #

“Penelope, we’ll come back to your wonderful attempt. But first, what was that exchange Charlotte, Colin? Can we watch it again?”

Before either the contestant or the Assistant could answer the question, the crew managed to extract and show the very awkward interaction the two had shared after Colin had found the actress.

As Charlotte exited the wardrobe, Colin was looking at his feet, his face fully red. He stuttered a small “I found you, I stopped your time,” to Charlotte. The woman looked less shocked than he was but did not know how to react to the man in front of her. Instead, she whistled and announced that “I’ll see you next task, I guess,” as she walked away from Colin.

Penelope enjoyed watching her now boyfriend be uncomfortable once again, on his chair next to Agatha. She also knew what was going to come out of his mouth as he had shared the story with her already.

Colin had been uncomfortable when it had happened, uncomfortable while retelling it to Penelope during one of their date nights, and uncomfortable now that he had to explain what had happened in front of an audience.

“He touched my breasts,” Charlotte cut in, putting an end to the anticipation.

“First time? I reacted like that too,” Michaela joked.

“First time without pre-approved consent,” Colin answered, before turning to Charlotte. “Once again, I’m sorry.”

“Ok, enough apologies. Between you and Penelope, I think we’ve hit our quota. You make quite the pair you two,” Agatha said, making the secret couple blush. As far as Penelope knew, no one on the panel, including the Taskmaster herself, knew about their relationship.

They had wanted to keep it a secret to the team at least until the studio recording. Afraid that some hint might be dropped during the recording when they still wanted to see where their blooming relationship was going without the public eye watching them.

“How long did she stay hidden?” Agatha asked, and Colin fumbled on his iPad to find the information. He too, was shaken up by the Taskmaster’s comment.

“Charlotte was hidden for eight minutes. So, six more minutes than Michaela. As for Penelope, she made herself known after thirty-nine minutes.”

“Probably would’ve gone longer, but I was really uncomfortable.”

Agatha officialised the point distribution based on the amount of time each contestant had remained hidden, before asking Colin for a summary of the leaderboard of points after the first three tasks.

“The middle pack is quite close, and Alfie is trailing behind, while Penelope stands ahead with fourteen points. But nothing is done yet, there are still six tasks remaining!”

# Colin’s phone #