Chapter Text
“It’s this one.” James pointed to the biggest coffee machine River had ever encountered as they entered the appliances section of the department store. “I saw it online, I thought the price point was about right, plus…” James knelt down to get a better look at the label. “It’s on offer.” He smiled up at River smuggly. River could not help but scowl.
“It’s massive.” He grumbled. “How would I even get that in my kitchen?” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“Well, obviously you’d have to move the microwave, granted. But they’re heinous things anyway. You don’t need it.” James stood back up and regarded the machine again with glee.
“How much is it?” River sighed. Last week he’d found out his father was a homicidal terrorist who had trained his half brothers from birth to kill, his father had promptly tried to kill him, and then to top it all off, he had been forced to betray his Grandfather’s wishes and leave him in a care home. Somehow, he wasn’t quite sure how he’d ended up shopping for coffee machines in John Lewis with his boyfriend after all that. The mundane still felt very surreal, but there was something grounding about it. After everything he had been through, James was still there, nagging him about how awful his instant coffee was.
“Five hundred pounds.” James smiled at him. “But it’s on offer, remember. So it’s only Four hundred and fifty.” James shrugged as if it made the purchase sting any less.
“So, just to recap, you want me to spend four hundred and fifty pounds on a coffee machine identical to one you already own.” River asked, glancing at James who still wore an unfaltering grin.
“It's that or you move into my place full time because I’m not dealing with that crud in your cupboard for another morning.” James fluttered his eyelashes at River sweetly. “It makes me want to murder someone. Mostly you.” He slung his arm over RIver’s shoulders.
“I’ll add you to the list.” River huffed.
“Oh, don’t be Mr Grumpypants. We’ve all got family drama.” James gave up the act, crossing his arms at River in annoyance.
“Hmmm, yeah, you’re right, explain to me how our ‘family drama’ is in any way equivalent?” River snapped at James who responded with a bored expression.
“So your dad put a live grenade in the hood of your jacket, I don’t talk to my old man either.” James turned from River and ogled the appliance again. “They do them in brushed steel now. I think that’d look pretty good with your colour scheme.” He tapped his foot impatiently.
“I have a colour scheme?” River raised his eyebrows in surprise. Before he could answer, there was a hand on his shoulder.
“What the fuck are you guys doing here?” Roddy Ho whispered loudly at them both. “Are you guys tracking me? Because I’ve already told you I will dox you both if I have to.”
“Ho,” James started in surprise. “Why the hell would we want to follow you to John Lewis?” Spider winced at him as if the whole interaction pained him.
“What are you doing here, anyway, this isn’t really your scene is it?” River intrigued.
“Buying USB sticks, cleverclogs. I buy them all from different shops, in cash so no one can trace the purchase.” Roddy nodded enthusiastically as if his ritual was the most devious and clever process for procuring USB sticks. “Hang on, if you aren’t tracking me for an op why the fuck are you here together?” Ho gestured between the two of them, frowning. River made eye contact with James who, all of a sudden, was glaring at him in a way that said ‘don’t you fucking dare’, all the sweetness of the earlier performance having drained away. He turned back to Roddy who was staring at them both.
“Just, y’know…I’m considering buying a coffee machine…for the office. Ja-Spider’s a coffee snob. Wanted to make sure I got a good one.” River found himself nodding over enthusiastically the same way Ho had been moment’s ago in an attempt to sell the lie.
“I’m not a snob, arsehole. I just have a working tongue.” James sniped at River. He glared back at James to convey ‘really? You want to have this argument now?’ And they both looked at Ho who had a suspicious look on his face, but clearly was uncomfortable with the situation.
“I don’t think I’ll buy one now, anyway…should probably check with Lamb first.” He gave a short, awkward chuckle as he turned back to Roddy.
“Oh. Ok. Bye then.” Roddy smiled sheepishly and backed away from them, disappearing into the hubbub of the shop.
“Well that was fucking disgraceful. Could we have seemed more gay if we tried?” James placed his hands on his hips.
“‘I just have a working tongue’.” River quoted back to him. “That was a personal highlight for me.” River cocked his head to the side. He watched as James’s face softened, the smallest smile erupting.
“Fuck off Cartwright.”
“What else can your tongue do?” River quipped, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Are you gonna buy the machine or not?” James attempted to school his features back into a scowl but failed, allowing a telling smile to form instead.
“Hmm. No, I don’t think I will.” River stepped closer to James, pleased with himself.
“I’ll pay you back.” James promised.
“You just buy it then, ‘arsehole’.” River smirked.
“I wasn’t suggesting I give you the money.” James replied.
“Oh no you don’t. You can’t bribe me with sex every time you want something.” River shook his head, laughing.
“I already am.” James furrowed his brow in confusion. “I thought that was the deal here. Why, are you gonna start buying me stuff just because you like me?”
“I don’t like you.” River stated plainly. He was smiling, forever comforted by his boyfriend’s snide remarks.
“Well exactly, I thought our arrangement was mutually beneficial.” James looked up at River again, faux sweetness edging its way back in.
“What, I spend money and you get fucked? That sounds like you benefit twice.” River held his gaze challengingly.
“Since when were you under the illusion I liked getting fucked by your ugly, hairy body.” James grimaced at River.
“And this is supposed to make me want to spend four hundred and fifty pounds on you how?” River raised his eyebrows at him. James dropped the grimace and smiled apologetically.
“Sorry, you just have one of those faces that make you so easy to insult.” James gestured generally in River’s direction. “Fine. Don’t buy it, it was probably overkill anyway. Just get one of the countertop ones from over there, they’re only like a hundred quid.” James smiled sweetly.
It wasn’t until they got back to the car, coffee machine sat comfortably on the back seat that it dawned on River.
“You planned that, didn’t you.” River turned to Spider who all of a sudden was captured by the emails on his phone.
“Hmm?” Spider looked up innocently.
“You tried to flog me the expensive one so I wouldn’t complain about the midrange one.” River smiled incredulously at him.
“Slow horses,” Spider sighed, leaning over the central console of River’s car. “It takes them a while, but they get there eventually.” He kissed River and chuckled to himself.
“I hate you.” River chuckled back against his mouth.
“Yeah but isn’t this so much fun?” James said as he pulled away. River shook his head disbelievingly.
As they drove home, River’s music playing at the prescribed low volume James had agreed to, they fell into a comfortable silence. It wasn’t until they neared River’s flat that James broke it.
“I think..” He said tentatively. He sighed and looked out the window. “I did a lot of thinking. When you were away, I mean.” He turned to River, crossing his arms as he regarded the other man.
“If you’ve just made me buy a coffee machine and then decided to immediately break up with me I am going to have to take it back. Just as well I got the receipt.” River said jovially, attempting to lighten the somewhat heavy mood he could feel coming from James.
“Ooh don’t tempt me.” James joked back. “No, just whilst you were gone and no one knew where you were, I was thinking… I think I’m done. With this life, I mean. Life in the service.” James smiled sadly at River who had furrowed his brow. James was freaking him out a bit, however ’done with this life’ was exactly the sort of melodramatic phrasing James would use, so nothing could be too wrong with him.
“I’m sorry if I freaked you out when I disappeared.” River shook his head softly, pulling the car up outside his block of flats. It had been extenuating circumstances, and even James had been surprisingly laid back about it much to River’s relief upon his return with only a ‘you’re an idiot’ in lieu of punishment, but River did still lay awake at night worrying about what he put his loved ones through. River couldn’t quite bring himself to forgive himself for the pain he had caused them.
“Well you did, you freaked all of us out, I’m not denying that. I’m a bit cross that you let us all believe you were dead for a while. I get why you did it, but we were all…concerned, never mind the fact it was mind-numbingly stupid of you.” James nodded softly, catching River’s eye. “But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m gonna quit MI5, I think.” He held River’s gaze. River couldn’t believe what he was hearing. For as long as he’d known James, their rivalry trying to climb the ladder at MI5 had been the cornerstone of their relationship. But in recent months, James had looked tired of it. “Think about it, wouldn’t life be so much nicer if one of us wasn’t being shot at or kidnapped or tortured or threatened every once in a while? I’m not asking you to quit too, I know what it means to you, but I’m done being scared.” James breathed deeply.
“If that’s what you want.” River nodded solemnly. “So what you’re gonna quit and then what? Don’t tell me you’re gonna go into politics.” River reached through the seats to grab the box for the coffee machine off the back seat. James snorted.
“Mmm, the agent and the politician, that’s one way to get yourself blacklisted from every government department.” James opened the car door, his mood seemingly lifted by getting the load off his chest. “Thought maybe I’d do some freelance security consultancy stuff for a bit, maybe start my own firm.” He shrugged at River.
“Be still my beating heart.” River rolled his eyes as he exited the vehicle. “You just got a whole lot more boring.”
***
“Webb, how delightful.” Taverner didn’t even attempt to smile as James walked into the dim office.
“Ma’am.” James replied simply.
“Well, whatever it is, get on with it.” She looked at him expectantly. James removed the white envelope from his jacket pocket and placed it on her desk.
“This is my letter of resignation, Ma’am. I’ve decided to leave the service.” He smiled shyly at her, hoping she wouldn’t look too elated by the news.
Taverner furrowed her brow at James.
“Don’t get we wrong Webb, your resignation comes as a relief to a lot of us. I’m more confused as to why now?”
“Change of circumstance, Ma’am.” James left his explanation brief in a futile attempt to keep his private life well away from conversations held in Taverner’s office. He thought she probably knew about River and him already, he couldn’t see a conniving old bastard like Lamb harbouring that information for long, but he wasn’t going to be the one to rumble them if that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t just River. Over the past year or so, he’d been shot, his skull had been caved in, he’d been kidnapped, held hostage and frankly life endangering scenarios were becoming quite boring. He had never signed up to be a field agent for this exact reason. He thought the service would be his ticket into political espionage, but it turns out that the grunts at the bottom are no more that cannon fodder for the big wigs at the top. He was fed up with it, and he knew from experience the private sector would pay him a hell of a lot more to do a hell of a lot less.
“Well,” Taverner seemed underwhelmed by his reasoning, but not interested enough to pry. “I’ll accept this letter of resignation on one condition. One last op.” She looked at him coldly.
“I really don’t think that’s appropriate, Ma’am. We’ve been here before. As I remember it you told me under no circumstances was I to be in the field, Ma’am. That’s why I was placed in Slough House.” James shook his head in disbelief. What could she possibly expect from him now? Had he not done enough? Fucked up enough? To escape her every whim?
“Quite honestly, Webb, I don’t want to give it to you. We already have a team of agents looking into the matter. We just need a set of eyes on the ground. I need you to watch Anya Marik.” She looked tired as she attempted to explain what she needed from him. James expected she had been told to give it to someone who already knew the Albanian mole situation well to avoid the rumour spreading through the park. It wasn’t fair. All the slow horses knew about the mole, so why was it always him?
“Marik, Ma’am? All due respect, but we already have McAvoy as well as proof he was the mole. Why do we need to watch Marik?” James wanted nothing to do with it anymore, it had almost cost him his life already.
“The more you know the more there is to debrief, the longer the hold up before you can leave the service. I’m not asking for intel, I just need you to make sure she isn’t a flight risk.” Taverner concluded.
“That’s it, I’m just watching her? For how long?” He fiddled with the signet ring on his little finger anxiously. River was going to hate this.
“Not long, we’ve almost got her. Shouldn’t be more than a week, give or take a few days.” She smiled thinly, eyes not joining her mouth in the expression. “There’s no need for you to watch her whilst she’s here, our agents can do that.” James felt a flash of resentment at her wording. ‘Our agents’, well what did that make him? “Just check she comes home at night, if she leaves, follow her, make sure she comes into the park as normal. It’s routine.” She stood to show James out, not allowing time for follow up questions.
“Right. Thank you Ma’am.” James mirrored her thin smile. The plan had seemed simple enough, hole up outside Marik’s flat for the next week and make sure she didn’t employ that flight fund all agents were told to squirrel away.
As he got back to his car, he checked Marik’s personnel file for her address and chuckled as he read it. It was just round the corner from River’s. He was gonna love this.