Chapter Text
Monday, 3:32 PM
Evil twins 👿(2)
“gentleman”: JEONGHAN
“gentleman”: HAVE YOU CHECKED YOUR EMAIL??
“angel”: email??
“angel”: this isn’t the 1900s Shua
“angel”: if u wanna talk to me use our texts like a regular person
“gentleman”: I’m not the one who emailed you dumbass
“gentleman”: And you don’t check your messages anyway
“Angel”: yes I do!
“gentleman”: Mhm. Anyway our professor emailed us, our huge project for that humanities class is due by the end of the week
“angel”: yawn
"angel": see Shua maybe I’d be more responsive if you texted me more interesting things
“gentleman”: it’s worth 20 percent of our grade and we haven’t started yet.
"angel": psh a week is plenty of time
"angel": I’m going back to sleep
“gentleman”: no it’s not considering as we don’t even have enough group members yet. We need at least 4 people in one group
"angel": okay so we can just ask somebody
“gentleman”;: I bet everybody is already in groups, we’re starting this so late
"angel": can’t hurt to ask
“gentleman”: okay but let’s make sure we pick someone who looks like they’d be a smart student and responsive
"angel": it’s too late I already did it
“gentleman”: .
“gentleman”: is that the guy you have a crush on.
"angel": ?? no idea what you mean
“gentleman”: pretty sure you do considering he’s the only thing you ever stare at if you’re not sleeping during class.
“gentleman”: how did you even manage that, he literally sits across the room. When did you get there.
"angel": a little thing called walking Shua
"angel": anyway he says he’s down!!
“gentleman”: fine, he better be a good group project partner.
"angel": he’s asking if his friend can join our group too
"angel": this is perfect
"angel": we can double date
“gentleman”: reminder that these are complete strangers
“gentleman”: and what happened to not liking him??
"angel": I’m bringing them over now
“gentleman”: …
“gentleman”: JEONGHAN. THATS MY EX
"angel": huh
"angel": is that why you’re hiding under the desk
"angel": cheol???
“gentleman”: what? Who is that??
"angel": that’s the cute guys name
"angel": Seungcheollie
“gentleman”: no not him!!! The guy next to him! His friend
“gentleman”: DO NOT BRING THEM OVER HERE.
"angel": okay okay
"angel": awkwardly diverted them
"angel": Seokmin??
“gentleman”: YES
"angel": Hm I think you got the wrong guy Shua
“gentleman”: jeonghan how. He looks the same, you just said his name was Seokmin.
"angel": yeah but you always described him as like,,,,
"angel": evil and horrible and mean
"angel": but he’s so nice?. And smiley and cute
“gentleman”: wtf? I never said that
“gentleman”: we even broke up on good terms..
"angel": oh maybe I was just imagining the evilness then
"angel": but that was like foreverrrr ago in highschool
"angel": why’d you guys even break up?
"gentleman": I don’t know
"gentleman": he broke up with me
"gentleman": I never found out the reason - by the time i had found out Id been broken up with i was already in the US for that summer
"angel": ohhhh yeahh
"angel": oh hey he says I look kinda familiar
"angel": did we meet back in highschool?.
"gentleman": Jeonghan. He cannot find out that I’m his ex.
"gentleman": or I will never be able to come back to this class ever again
"angel": c’mon Shua aren’t u overreacting
"angel": that’s all in the past now
"angel": where did you go ??
"gentleman": I left!! I’m not dealing with that right now
"angel": you can’t just leave me here with this hot guy and your ex
"gentleman": I just did
"angel": you’re horrible.
"angel": but I don’t get it, if you guys ended on good terms then why are you avoiding him
"gentleman": because
"gentleman"; I may or may not still have feelings
"angel": Hong Jisoo it’s been 4 years.
"gentleman": I KNOW
"gentleman": some of us don’t go from guy to guy without developing feelings okay
"angel": rude r u calling me a whore
"gentleman": you’re literally eyeing your next boy toy rn.
"angel": lol true
"gentleman": the point is I’m still not over it
"angel": he’s just a guy + it’s been four years + there r plenty of cute guys for you to pine after once youre over this
"gentleman": yeah a guy that was my first love!!
"angel": sure if you say so!
"gentleman": just wait till you fall in love
"gentleman": then you’ll get it
"angel": LOL
"angel": sorry but that is not happening anytime soon that’s stuffs for old ppl
"angel": it’s way more fun without strings attached
"gentleman": wow…true romance is dead
"angel": yeah ok gentleman
"angel": if u ever catch me developing feelings pls knock me out
"gentleman": some of us are looking for a lifetime partner and not STDs
"angel": and some of us are getting laid and not crying over their highschool crushes
"gentleman": ☺️. fuck you
"angel": fuck me?? but I thought you were waiting till marriage??
"gentleman": I’m going to block you seriously
"angel": hehe just joking shua ~
"angel": so what do you want me to do abt the group project… should I find someone else?
"gentleman": no it’s okay
"gentleman": I’m not that petty to the point I can’t put aside feelings to work on a simple group project.
"angel": great cuz I alr got their numbers hehe
"gentleman": just don’t tell them my real name
"angel": Okie!
Yoon Jeonghan created a groupchat and added Joshua Hong, and two Unknown Numbers
Jeonghan changed the name to “ group project”
Group Project (4)
Jeonghan: hello guys, this is jeonghan
Jeonghan: and this is my friend Barnaby
1####: barnaby??
Jeonghan: he’s from the states
1######: i don’t think that’s a typical American name…..
jeonghan: you’re prettier when you don’t talk
1#####: ???
Evil twins👿(2)
"gentleman": WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
"angel": hm did I come on too strong
"gentleman" no not that I mean what the hell id that name
"angel": hey you told me not to tell them ur name!
"gentleman": but why. THAT
"angel": what’s wrong with it?
Group Chat (4)
barnaby: hi… this is … Barnaby.
1#######: this is Seungcheol
Seungcheol: I don’t remember seeing your name on the class list
barnaby: it’s kinda a nickname.
barnaby: given by one of my truly horrible friends
0######: hi barnaby! Hi jeonghan! My name is Seokmin!
Seokmin: I like pizza and I don’t have a nickname…
Jeonghan: I can give you one!!
Seokmin: sure!
Jeonghan: how about the X
Seokmin: … the X??
Seokmin:I don’t get it? But it sounds cool!
Seungcheol: who the hell did we pair up with
barnaby: haha jeonghan you suck at giving nicknames
Barnaby: anyway our project is due in a week and we have to hurry up. It’s a four page paper about reimagining our self images
Barnaby: the sooner we complete it the better !
Seungcheol: sure, I can take the intro
Jeonghan: I’ll do whatever
Barnaby: okay, I’ll split it up into four parts assigned,
Barnaby: oh, and I can turn it in once it’s done! so just send your parts to me
Seungcheol: cool
Jeonghan: so...... seungcheol what’s your major
Seungcheol: I’m a bio major with a concentration in physical therapy and a personal trainer
Seokmin: he’s training to be a physical therapist
jeonghan: wow so u have both the brains and the brawn huh
Seokmin: cheol hyung is super strong
Seokmin; if you’re looking for. A personal trainer he’s your guy
Jeonghan; wow that’s crazy I was just looking for one!!!
Barney: since WHEN ?!?!
Brabant: u hate working out
Jeonghan: since right now !
Seungcheol: you can drop by the recreational center gym
Jeonghan: okay ~~
Seungcheol: what about you guys, what are your majors?
Jeonghan: I’m a psych major and barnaby is a bio premed major
Seokmin: ooh that’s so cool
Jeonghan; what abt you Seokminnie
Seokmin; environmental science!! I guess we’re all science majors here then!
Seungcheol: what a coincidence. I know this class is required and everyone takes it, so I wasn’t expecting such similar majors
Jeonghan: we can help each other out then ☺️
Seokmin: sounds good! Looking forward to working with you all!
______
Evil twins 👿(2)
Monday 4:10 pm
“Angel”: class is over
“Angel”: have you gotten over your crisis yet
"gentleman": there was no crisis
"gentleman": I’m just going to work on this project with him and that’s it. We can go back to never having to talk to one another
“Angel”: how do you plan on avoiding him the entire semester??
"gentleman": I just won’t come to class. Attendance isn’t required anyway
"angel": nooo you can’t do that!
"angel": attendance is required!
"gentleman": I read it on the syllabus it’s not
"angel": okay but what about the "this is the only class we have together this semester so I need your company" attendance policy
"gentleman": you’ll live
"angel": tsk I need to get a new best friend
"gentleman": even if I;come you’re just gonna spend the entire class flirting with that cheol guy anyway.
"angel": and?! You need to be my wingman!! There’s only so many excuses I can make to talk to him
"gentleman": right. What’s with the sudden interest in a personal trainer?! Your scrawny anemic ass won’t last a day
"angel": rude
"angel": point is I get to see him more often to woo him with my charms
"angel": then personal training will be the last thing on his mind ehehehe
"angel": plus ppl like it when you take a interest in things they like
"gentleman": genuinely don’t know if your actually majoring in psychology to help people or manipulate them
"angel": sometimes that means the same thing! like I’m manipulating cheol to help myself get some 💕
"gentleman": 💀
Elsewhere, on another spot on campus:
BSS 🍊🐯🍕 (3)
Monday, 4:15 PM
Sugar: my weird humanities class just ended!
sugar: cheol hyung and I got paired up with these two really strange guys…..
ajunice: that’s great and all but get over here SEOK you guys promised me you’d help put up fliers around campus after your classes!
ajunice: the dance team isn’t gonna gain more members without promotions
Sugar: coming!!
Sugar: you guys are at the performing arts building right?
ajunice: I’m here but a certain someone who is currently breaking their promise is absent
ajunice: @spice @spice !!! 😡👹😾🐯🐯🐯🐯
Spice: sorry sorry hyung I got kind of caught up in something
Sugar: like what?
Spice: uhm I’m at an event..
Ajunice: AN EVENT? why didn’t you say so. Drop your @ me and seok are coming right now to hand out fliers
ajunice: this is a perfect opportunity with all of the foot traffic!
Spice: yeah well that’s the thing… there’s barely anyone else here…
ajunice: where are you seungkwan??
Spice: I’m in the basement of the science building… at some weird meeting called exposing the cosmic connection????
ajunice: what WHY are you there
Spice: The guy handing out fliers was really cute, okay?!? I may have glazed over the details of what he was talking about and followed him here and now theres another cute guy talking about some weird conspiracy and Ill feel bad if I leave because Im the only one here…….
Spice: I thought it would be over before Seokmins class ended, but no. Its been 3 hours
Sugar: seungkwan did u join a cult
Spice: you know what that makes a lot of sense actually
Ajunice: WELL let’s go! I need to learn their ways
Sugar: ?? Should we not be going the opposite direction away from the cult
Ajunice: hell no I need to establish a cult of my own
ajunice: I mean we
ajunice: …. for the dance team
Spice: Seokmin keep Soonyoung away from here. It’s already weird enough without his…. Eccentricities.
Sugar: already on it
______ a couple minutes later
Ajunice: ehehehe I’m here
Spice: Seokmin I said keep him AWAY
Sugar: I tried!! Kinda
Sugar: he gave me a gift card for the dining hall pizza
Spice: THE DINING HALL PIZZA IS SHIT SEOK. ADMIT IT
sugar: okay but what if the chef just had like a bad day that one time we ate it
Spice: weve eaten it several times. As per your insistence. Everytime it’s disgusting. Everytime you make excuses. And then we end up back there and I’m forced to spend my precious dining dollars on the shitty pizza.
ajunice: one time I had it it was sooo good
Spice: Soonyoung I’m going to shank your ass you just want him to take your dining gift card.
ajunice: 🐯
Ajunice: so what room is this event at??
Spice: go away.
Sugar: I see some weird green gas leaking from this one Soonyoung
Ajunice: oh nice that’s probably it
Spice: so you guys see a room leaking weird gas in the science building and go in. How have you lived up til this point.
Sugar: hey you’re the one who went in this weird cult first
ajunice: I bet he just wants to gatekeep all the goodlooking dudes to himself
Spice: NO
Spice: I’m only here to be polite and listen to these two dudes yap about whatever the hell they’re talking about and then I’m going to leave. No matter how cute they are I am beyond weirded out and you two coming here is just going to make things worse.
Ajunice: Woah theres a bunch of alien stuff everywhere this is kinda cool
ajunice: they even decorated with a green smoke machine nice
Sugar: we’re peeking our heads in the door, do you see us seungkwan!!
Spice: I’m going to murder you guys. Leave! 😀
Spice: if you step another foot inside your dead meat.
ajunice: hm they are pretty cute but totally seungkwans type
ajunice: thoughts min
Sugar: theyre nice but ive seen cuter
ajunice: r u never going to move on from your highschool fling
Sugar: hey you said you wouldn’t bring that up!!!
Sugar: and it was not a fling. It was a full-fledged relationship I gave my whole heart to
Spice: soonyoung r u dumb hes gonna start crying again
Sugar: No im not im over it
ajunice: mhm we believe you seokmin!
Spice: and both of you are objectively wrong these are the finest men that have ever walked the earth
ajunice: the finest men that ever walked the earth are talking about how beef would taste on a UFO for what reason
Spice: okay. So they're a little weird.
ajunice: is one of them holding a …probe???
Sugar: which one I can’t see
ajunice: the foreign looking one
Sugar: they both look foreign to me
ajunice: the white guy
Sugar: oohhhhhh
Spice: That’s the one who lured me into this weird cult
ajunice: makes sense totally your type
Spice: hmph I dont have a type
Sugar: no but didnt you have a crush on young leonardo dicaprio
Sugar: cuz this guys like a korean carbon copy
ajunice: yeah seungkwans always been into the weird types
Spice: hey don’t call them weird!!!
Sugar: but you just did??
Spice: shut up
Spice: I am not into the weird types okay
Spice: from an outside perspective they look conventionally attractive and thats why I was drawn here.
Sugar: the white guy is wearing a neon adidas tracksuit?? Werent’ you just complaining about those the other day
Spice: ………..
Spice: listen its not my fault I can just see the potential of beautiful people okay
ajunice: sureeee
Spice: stfu soonyoung you of all people have no right to be calling people weird you tiger furry
ajunice: I just have an appreciation for them!! Tigers r cool
Spice: how have you still not grown out of your grade school obsession.
Sugar: okay okay guys don’t fight
Sugar: ooh looks like they’re ending soon
ajunice: nows our chance seokmin, lets go
Spice: I hate you guys.
[a few minutes later]
Spice: Soonyoung.
Ajunice: OKAY BEFORE YOU COME FOR ME
ajunice: the dance team really needs more members!!! And that guy was totally interested!!!
Spice: so you're supposed to give him a flyer and then walk away.
Spice: TELL ME WHY we just had a 10 minute long conversation lying about how we’re into whatever freaky stuff they were talking about.
Ajunice: hehe thats all business baby
Spice: and WHY ON EARTH DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM ALL OF OUR NUMBERS.
Sugar: did we just join the cult
Ajunice: hey i did you a favor okay!!! Now you got the numbers of the cute guys you like!!
Spice: this is going to end poorly i just know it
________
An Unknown Number added 4 others to a groupchat
####: Hi
####: it’s vernon
Vernon renamed the chat to ET Enthusiasts
ET Enthusiasts (5)
####: hello, I’m Jun!!!
Jun: I’d like to extend a welcome to the clubs newest members
Seokmin: hii this is seokmin
Soonyoung: Hi this is soonyoung!! the dance team captain I was talking about earlier
Seungkwan: this is seungkwan
Vernon: Great, seems like we’re all acquainted now
Seokmin: r u from america 🤩 i like new york pizza
Soonyoung: is this a cult
Seungkwan: please ignore those two Im so sorry
Vernon: no it’s okay! I was actually born in new york
Vernon: but my parents moved to Korea when I was really young tho lol
Vernon: Juns also from China, he’s come here more recently tho
Seokmin: woah thats so cool
Vernon: as for your question Soonyoung I don’t think it’s a cult…?
Vernon: jun is this a cult
Jun: I don’t think so
Vernon: oh really
Seungkwan: why are you surprised??? Did you recruit me into a cult without knowing if it was a cult or not
Vernon: yes
Soonyoung: can it be one
Jun: I guess?
Soonyoung: yay
Seokmin: what IS it exactly? Seungkwan just told us it was some weird cult
Jun: We’re the extraterrestrial enthusiasts club!!
Seungkwan: so… why ,, ?? is this a thing??
Jun: Well theres so many student associations but none for aliens
Jun: so it thought we should unite humans and alienkind together under one roof
Seokmin: aww thats cute
Seungkwan: …right
Vernon: jun thinks aliens are real
Jun: they are real
Seungkwan: and what do you think?
Vernon: i dunno
Vernon: Im here cuz im super into scifi films and alien movies
Vernon: like ET
Seungkwan: okay thats kinda normal I guess
Vernon: when the aliens finally come down I’ll be able to communicate
Vernon: i want to know why they always take the cows
Seungkwan:......
Jun: theyre among us right now….
Seokmin: damn… what if someone we know is an alien
Jun: that could very well be the case
Jun: have you ever noticed anyone close to you acting odd or out of the ordinary
Seungkwan: by that definition every one of you is an alien.
Seokmin: OMFG
Seokmin: soonyoung…??? 👀
Soonyoung: im not an alien im a tiger 🐯
Jun: interesting defense.
Vernon: he seems to be familiar with earth species
Jun: he gives me more hamster energy though??
Soonyoung: apologize.
Jun: oh im sorry Did I say something wrong
Seokmin: don’t worry about him he’s also delusional
Soonyoung: hey !!!
Seungkwan: I might as well be the alien here because am I the only one who thinks this is all INSANE and crazy
Jun: don’t worry seungkwan, its like that for everyone the first time they hear the truth
Seungkwan: okay. so this is a weird cult. everything is fine
Vernon: wait so how come you joined if you thought it was a weird cult
Seungkwan: ….
Seokmin: he thought u were cute
Seungkwan: no id dint
Seungkwan: I was just curious about the subject and wanted to see if this was a cult or not
Vernon: Oh okay
Vernon: well curiosity is the driving force of our club
Seokmin: I think he’s more curious about you
Seungkwna: Shut up seokmin
Vernon: Oh… but I’m not an alien??
Seokmin: yeah seungkwan
Soonyoung: thats so rude seungkwan hes just from new york
Seungkwan: ??????!?!?! I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING
Jun: don’t worry hes not I already tested him
Seungkwan: thats concerning….
Vernon: you can test me yourself if you don’t believe me
Seungkwan: I don’t think you’re an alien!!!!
Soonyoung: really? but you said people who wear adidas tracksuits crawled their way onto earth
Seungkwan: …..
Vernon: do aliens wear adidas tracksuits
Jun: I’ll pen it down for our next club meeting discussion
Soonyoung: JUN are you still fr about joining the dance team tho?? Cuz we really need some new members
Jun: Oh yeah!! It sounds fun
Soonyoung: yes!! I knew joining this club would be worth it
Seungkwan: it is not worth it. I’m slowly starting to lose my sanity with the rest of you
A few days later —
Evil twins 👿 (2)
Thursday 3:45pm
“angel” : SHUA
“angel” : HELP
“gentleman” : what.
“angel”: is that how u respond when Im literally yelling for help
“Angel”: what if I was dying or being kidnapped or something
“Gentleman”: are you??
“Angel”: no
“gentleman”: exactly. it’s more likely you kidnapped somebody.
“gentleman”: knowing you i know its gonna be some shady thing you need me to do for you thats gonna land us both in trouble
“angel”: actually I retract that statement
“angel”: I think i may actually be dying
“gentleman”: mhm
“gentleman”: tell satan i said hi
“angel”: 🖕
“Angel”: just pls pick me up :(
“gentleman”: fine where are you
“angel”: im hiding in the bushes behind the sports and fitness center
“gentleman”: ???... why ??
“angel”: so remember when cheol told me to come to the rec center for our personal training session
“gentleman”: yes…
“angel”: ok well things did not go as planned and I ran away and now im hiding from him in the bushes and hes looking for me
“gentleman”: wtf?? Is he some kinda psychopath or something??
“angel”: no you know im into that
“gentleman”: …. ur gross
“gentleman”: so did he try to hurt you or something r u ok
“angel”: worse
“Angel”: he tried to make me workout
“Gentleman”: and I just put down my keys.
“angel”: no im serious u need to come get me please!!!!
“angel”: the session started off normally but he was like… nervous and formal and stuff
“angel”: so I tried flirting with him to ease the tension
“angel”: but he got even more nervous and it was even more awkward
“gentleman”: so? By the sounds of it I should be saving this cheol guy from you
“angel”: so then I was like screw it and laid it thick with the innuendos
“angel”: but he’s so dense i’ve been flirting with him this whole time and he doesn’t realize😭
“angel”: so we started working out and it was TORTURE and i kept being liek lets get away somewhere BUT HE KEPT MISUNDERSTANDING and making me do more stuff im so exhausted i feel dead
“angel”: i just wanna get laid and istead he made me do the wrong kind of full body workout
“gentleman”: LMFAOOO
“gentleman”: it sounds like you got what you deserved hannie ngl
“angel”: literally any person with brains could see it wasn’t the workout I was interested in it was HIM how is that my fault hes denser than his sixpack
“angel”: and now everything hurts and I panicked and made a dumb excuse about how I need to go because my sister was calling and then he started asking me a bunch of questions about the fake sister so I lied and made up a whole story and and then he insisted on having me bring the fake sister to the gym because his friends were looking to personal train some people too and it spiraled out of control so I just ran away
“gentleman”: …. Wow
“gentleman”: karma
“angel”: shut up and get over here already
“gentleman”: im on the way
“gentleman”: really curious how you’re gonna lie your way out of the next session
“angel”: sigh… when is he gonna get it?? Im gonna have biceps before he realizes 😭
“angel”: Im just gonna be upfront next time. I cant take any more of these
“gentleman”: poor guy, he’s probably just excited to finally be personally training someone and its you … a conniving little rat who just wants to fck him
“angel”: ok when u phrase it like that it sounds really bad
“gentleman”: thats how it is!!!
“angel”: i just wanna know if he’s down for it!! If not ill just leave him alone
“Gentleman”: sure
“gentleman”: okay, I’m here. Get in
“angel”: thank u shua, my savior <3
BSS 🍊🐯🍕 (3)
ajunice: um
ajunice: I hate to ask
ajunice: but why is our dorm clean.
Sugar: hyung turn around and run now.
Sugar: this is your last chance
Spice: Soonyoung.
Spice: finally back from dance practice I see
ajunice: um actually I had this thing at this place at like right now I need to go to
Spice: no. It’s too late for you.
Spice: get over here.
ajunice: …yes sir
[a couple minutes later]
ajunice: seok which thing we did is this punishment for
Sugar: he’s making us clean the dorm for embarrassing him in front of his crushes 🥺🥺
ajunice: ooohhhh
ajunice: hey how is it our fault he finds us embarrassing! We’re just being ourselves 😾
Spice: that’s a punishable crime in and of itself
Spice: now less yapping and more folding the laundry
ajunice: sigh
________