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I.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” Levi spat as he stalked past the squad leader in the empty courtyard.
“Levi,” Smith nodded politely, impervious to Levi’s rudeness.
“Creepy bastard,” Levi muttered.
Everywhere he went, Smith was never far away. On the training ground, in the mess hall, in the corridors and courtyards He was subtle, never made it obvious, but Levi could feel his eyes on him. It pissed him off.
He even turned up in the showers once while Levi was washing away the sweat and grime of the training ground. Though maybe Smith had already been there when Levi turned up? He couldn’t quite recall. What he could recall, vividly, was Smith’s presence, the soap running down his broad back, blond hair plastered to his forehead as he tipped his head under the spray. The feeling of his gaze slipping down over Levi’s body as he turned his head and smiled. The thought made Levi’s skin prickle and burn.
II.
Levi shivered as he ran the brush over his mare’s flank, cleaning away the gore and dirt of the expedition. The stables were empty; those that had returned had limped to the infirmary to have their wounds patched, or trudged back to the barracks to mourn their loss. Even the grooms had turned in for the night, leaving Levi alone in the stable block. He could feel the cold seeping into his bones now that the steaming Titan blood had evaporated from his skin and the adrenaline drained from his veins. Blood was trickling from a cut in his hairline and pooling in his boots from another raking down his thigh. He didn’t even notice the squad leader until he was standing by the open door of the stall. Damn, he really must be exhausted. Smith looked even worse.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” he asked wearily.
“Levi,” Smith started. His voice hoarse from yelling orders amid the carnage beyond the walls. His uniform was torn and stained with blood and there was a smear of mud across his forehead. “What are you doing here? You should have been back at the barracks hours ago. Why haven’t you been to the infirmary to get your wounds seen to?”
“It’s fine, it’s nothing,” Levi shrugged, wiping his hand over his brow and smearing more blood over his face. “Why are you here?”
“I came looking for you, to thank you. You fought well today, Levi. Hange’s squad would have been wiped out if it hadn’t been for you. If our right flank had been breached, the whole formation would have been decimated. The way you took down that Abnormal, I’ve never seen anything like it.” There was something akin to wonder in his voice. “A lot of soldiers owe their lives to you tonight Levi, and I owe you a debt of gratitude. So thank you, you’re a credit to the Corps, I’m proud of you, but please, please, don’t take unnecessary risks like that again, I…” Smith paused and cleared his throat, “we, can’t afford to lose you.” He smiled, a tired ghost of a thing, but his eyes burned.
Levi swallowed and stared down at his feet. He didn’t know what to do with this gratitude, this naked sincerity. It smouldered somewhere deep in his chest. A small ember chasing away the creeping cold.
III.
“Oi Erwin, what the fuck are you looking at?”
“Hmmm, what?” The commander blinked, cheeks colouring faintly in the lamplight, as a drop of ink dripped from his pen onto the neglected paperwork scattered across his desk.
“You’re staring.”
“Sorry, was I?”
Levi rolled his eyes.
“Fucking creeps me out.”
“I was just thinking…”
“Always dangerous,” Levi muttered, setting aside the report he had long since given up reading. “Come on then, spit it out. Don’t just sit there looking constipated.”
“Well,” Erwin laid down his pen and sat back in his chair. There was a spot of ink on the sleeve of his shirt and Levi made a mental note to wash it out. “I was just thinking how much I appreciate you being here.”
“Where the fuck else would I be?”
The question was rhetorical. At this time of night there was nowhere else Levi would be. Spending the evening on the battered couch opposite the desk in the commander’s office, as Erwin poured over reports and charts, had become second nature to Levi. Sometimes he helped with the death notices, (that had been the original pretence), sometimes he sifted through reports, sometimes he curled up and dozed, lulled by the rhythmic scratch of the commander’s pen and the soft hiss of the gas lamps. Erwin didn’t seem to mind.
“You could be anywhere, but you're here.” Erwin replied, and there was a softness in his eyes that made Levi’s breath catch in his throat.
“You’ve finally cracked, haven’t you?” he said, looking away, unable to hold the commander’s tender gaze.
“I don’t know,” Erwin laughed quietly. “Perhaps I have.”
IV.
“What the fuck are you looking at?” Levi slurred, opening his eyes slowly and mooring himself to his body. Erwin was lying beside him propped up on one elbow, gazing down at him with an intensity that made Levi’s heart stutter. His cheeks were flushed from climax, hair a riot.
“You,” he replied simply.
“Tch.” Levi turned his head away, throwing his arm over his face to shield himself from that beloved blue gaze.
“Don’t,” Erwin said, lifting his arm away. “I want to see you.”
“Don’t you see enough of me every day?”
“No. Never. Besides, I love to see you like this.”
“Like what? Fucked?”
“Yes Levi, fucked. With your pink cheeks and your eyes shining. You’re beautiful. You’re always beautiful.”
That made Levi snort.
“I’m not beautiful.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not, I’m a fucking runt, a violent thug with a face like thunder.”
“You’re not a runt, or a thug, you’re not violent without necessity. And thunder can be beautiful. It’s dark and exhilarating. Just like you.”
“For fuck sake.” Levi snorted an inelegant laugh and swatted Erwin on the chest. “You’re just talking shit now.”
Erwin grinned, boyish for a moment, before reaching out to brush a strand of hair off Levi’s forehead, running his fingers through dark, sweat-slick hair. One thumb brushing lightly over his lashes and on to trace the slope of his cheekbone, around the shell of his ear, down the column of his throat, to rest lightly where his pulse beat steadily beneath his skin.
“Maybe,” he said, “but I wish you could see yourself as I do.”
V.
“What the fuck were you looking at?” Levi hissed as the last of the squad leaders filed out of the office at the end of the meeting.
The commander was looking much too pleased with himself, and that invariably meant trouble. His gaze had wandered over to Levi far too often during Hanji’s interminable proposal to, well, Levi had no idea what they’d been proposing. He’d been far too distracted by the heat in Erwin’s gaze, which had left him shifting uncomfortably in his seat, desperately willing away the pressure growing in his lap.
“You’ll see,” Erwin replied and Levi couldn’t fail to notice the dangerous glint in his eye. “I’d like you to report back here at eight tonight.”
Levi narrowed his eyes, trying and failing to suppress the shiver of anticipation that trickled down his spine.
“Is that an order?”
“It’s a request, Levi, but I can make it an order if you wish.”
“Yes, sir.”
VI.
When Levi entered Erwin’s office at eight promptly, he found the commander out of uniform and pacing the floor. There was an air of simmering tension in the room, like pressure building before a storm.
“Levi, thank you for coming.” Erwin smiled in a way that was all too knowing.
“What the fuck is all this about?” Levi crossed his arms defensively, in an attempt to contain the rapid beating of his heart.
“Follow me and you’ll see.”
“Follow you where?” Levi asked but Erwin simply picked up a lantern that was sitting on top of his desk and held the door open.
“After you, captain.”
Levi huffed and rolled his eyes, but he had to suppress a shiver as he brushed past the commander on the way out the door.
Erwin led him along the corridor and up a winding flight of stairs to the upper floor of the old chateau that served as the Survey Corps headquarters. The corridors up here were dark and dusty, the rooms rarely disturbed, used only for storing old furniture and kit that could no longer be salvaged.
“It’s fucking filthy up here,” Levi grumbled.
One room, at the end of a corridor, housed the Survey Corps archive, a silent record of the fallen and forgotten. Their footsteps echoed in the empty corridor as they passed it by.
Turning a corner, Erwin stopped abruptly in front of an unassuming door.
“Here?” Levi frowned, cocking his head to one side.
“Here,” Erwin nodded. “Now I want you to close your eyes.”
“Really?” Levi asked drily, making a poor attempt at feigning nonchalance. “What kind of games are you playing, Smith?”
“Do you trust me, Levi?”
“What the fuck kind of question is that? You know I do.”
“Then close your eyes.”
Levi sighed pointedly but he closed his eyes. A strong hand gripped his shoulder, ushering him into the room.
“You can open your eyes now.”
The room was unremarkable, but mercifully cleaner than Levi had expected. Old furniture had been pushed back against the wall, the floor swept clean and a small couch placed in the middle of the room. Nothing Levi could see appeared to warrant the unnecessary theatrics.
“And?” he asked. “You hauled me all the way up here to look at some mouldy ass furniture?”
Erwin was standing behind him, a warm presence at his back, hand still resting on his shoulder.
“Turn around Levi.”
Levi turned round and found himself face to face with a large mirror propped against the far wall. The gilt frame was chipped and worn, the silvering crazed and spotted with age, but the surface of the glass sparkled in the soft glow of the lamplight.
Levi’s eyes widened as he stared at the reflection. Erwin stood behind him, a whole head taller, his chin barely brushing the top of Levi’s head, broad chest framing his smaller body. He held Levi’s gaze, his eyes deep blue pools reflected in the glass.
“The first time I saw you flying through the Underground,” Erwin started, his voice soft, reverent, “I was captivated. By your strength, your agility, your grace. You flew like nothing I’d ever seen before, nothing I could have believed possible, like a creature of air and fire. I had to know if your wings were real. I told myself that you’d be an asset to the Survey Corps, the weapon humanity needed to defeat the Titans, but you are so, so much more than that Levi. More than I could ever have imagined. I’m still captivated by you, now more than ever.” He ran one hand lightly down Levi’s cheek, soft as a feather.
“All right, that’s enough,” Levi interrupted. “Stop this shit, it’s embarrassing.”
He attempted to turn away from the mirror, but Erwin slid his hand around his jaw, tightening his grip, preventing him from looking away.
“Look Levi, I want you to see what I see, I want you to see how beautiful you are.”
Levi swallowed, cheeks burning, but he found it impossible to look away.
“I wish I could describe the colour of your eyes,” Erwin continued. “It drives me to distraction that I don’t have words for them. All these clever words and none of them come close. Sometimes they’re dark, grey like a storm, or silver, like moonlight on the water. I could spend my life wishing and wondering and never find the words to do them justice.”
“And this furrow between your brows.” Erwin reached around and traced one finger down from his brows to the tip of his nose. Levi scrunched his nose involuntarily, making Erwin smile in the mirror. “It’s always there you know, even when you sleep. It’s precious to me, it’s one of the many things that makes you unique.”
“You’re waxing lyrical about my frown? You’re so fucking weird.”
Erwin huffed a laugh. “So I’ve been told. Just bear with me.”
Slowly, almost reverently, Erwin slipped his jacket from his shoulders, and undid the knot in his cravat. Levi shivered as the fine fabric slid over his skin, and Erwin’s breath ghosted against the back of his neck, lips brushing lightly against his undercut.
“You’re so sensitive,” Erwin murmured appreciatively. “You respond to just the slightest touch.”
Folding the jacket and cravat and placing them on the couch, Erwin started on his shirt, which joined them in short order.
“There,” Erwin said, resuming his position behind Levi, hands resting warm on his shoulders. “Look.”
Levi had never been ashamed of nudity, bodies were just bodies as far as he was concerned, but standing shirtless in front of the mirror he felt exposed in a way he had never experienced before. His skin was porcelain pale, criss-crossed with ugly scars, some red and puckered, others faded to silver with age.
“I love your scars,” Erwin said, silencing his thoughts. “I want to venerate every one. They’re a testament that you’ve survived. Everything the world has thrown at you, all that cruelty and violence, you have fought and you’ve survived. They’re a badge of honour written on your skin.” He placed a kiss on a scar that traced over his shoulder, following the silver path with his lips. Levi watched, fascinated, self-consciousness dispelled by growing desire.
Erwin slid his hands down Levi’s arms, curling around the swell of his biceps and down to circle the slender bones of his wrists. Levi clenched his fists, but Erwin prised them open, lacing their fingers together, his larger hands almost engulfing Levi’s own.
“Your hands fascinate me. They’re so small, delicate almost, and yet they’re so strong. How many lives have these hands taken, how many more have they saved? I know you can kill, I know you have killed. I know you could kill me right now.” Erwin’s voice dropped lower, kindling the desire stirring in Levi’s blood. “I can’t deny that it thrills me.”
“And your heart,” releasing one hand, Erwin clenched his fist over Levi’s heart. “Is this where all that strength, all that love is contained? It seems improbable that a body so small could hold such fathomless depths of courage and compassion. I don’t think this world deserves a heart like yours, Levi. I know I don’t.” Levi lowered his head, squirming under the intensity of Erwin’s reflected gaze. “And yet…and yet despite everything, you give yourself to me so freely, so honestly. So openly.”
Erwin opened his salute, spreading his hand wide over Levi’s chest, brushing against his nipples, making his breath hitch.
“Ah there it is, that sensitivity again.”
Levi hissed as the rough pad of Erwin’s thumb circled his nipple, making his back arch involuntarily.
Erwin’s hand moved lower, following the dark trail of hair that ran down over the taut plane of his belly disappearing into the waist of his trousers.
“The way you lower your guard, and give yourself so freely, so willingly, it’s a gift, a blessing I don’t deserve. I want you to see how beautiful you look when you give yourself to me. Keep watching Levi. This I will make an order. Keep watching, don’t look away.”
“Erwin…” Levi’s voice was a low growl, a threat or a warning. Or maybe he was begging, he could no longer tell.
Erwin’s hands were on his belt now, opening it deftly, pulling his trousers open and sliding them down over his thighs.
“Exquisite,” Erwin said, cupping one hand around Levi’s hardening cock. “I love that you’re so small. No, listen, you’re so perfect. You fit so neatly in my hand. Or in my mouth.”
Levi moaned softly as Erwin released his hold. He was fully hard now, aching to be touched, aching for Eriwn’s hands, his mouth, anything he would give him.
“Wait. Patience, love. I’ll give you all that you deserve.”
Erwin stepped in front of him and got down on his knees, settling on the floor at his feet. The sight of his commander, the man who he had chosen to follow, the man who he held above all others, kneeling at his feet, blond head framed against the pale plane of his belly, made Levi’s head swim.
“Keep watching Levi, that’s an order.”
Erwin’s breath fanned hot against his sensitive skin, making a shiver ripple through his body. Erwin nosed at the base of his cock, pressing his nose into the tight black curls, breathing him in. His hands slid up the back of Levi’s thighs, pulling him closer.
“I love the way you smell. Warm and clean and all you.”
He inhaled deeply, making Levi’s cock twitch, a bead of precum gathering at the tip. Erwin sat back on his heels for a moment and when Levi tore his gaze away from the mirror to look down at his face, his eyes were dark with desire, lips shining.
“Fuck Erwin…”
“Keep watching.”
Starting at the base, Erwin licked a broad stripe up Levi’s cock, gathering the dripping precum neatly with his tongue. He closed his eyes for a moment and hummed in deep satisfaction.
“And your taste…gods the way you taste. I could die happily with the taste of you on my lips.”
The heat and pressure was building low in Levi’s belly, coiling tighter and tighter.
“Fuck, shut the fuck up Erwin, get on with it,” he pleaded, unable to stand it any longer.
Erwin laughed, a warm huff of air against his cock.
“So impatient.”
But he relented.
Taking the head of Levi’s cock in his mouth, he circled it once, delicately, with his tongue before swallowing him in one smooth movement. Levi doubled over, grasping Erwin’s shoulders for support, only his firm grip on his thighs keeping him standing. The heat of Erwin’s mouth enveloped him and it took all his effort to straighten up again to look in the mirror. He would not disobey an order. Levi watched, captivated by the sight of Erwin’s cheeks hollowing and distending as he worked over his cock, golden eyelashes fluttering closed against flushed pink cheeks, only to open again and look up into his face, blue eyes swimming with desire and devotion. Moving one hand from Erwin’s shoulder to the back of his head, Levi tangled his fingers in his golden hair, letting it spill through his fingers. Tentatively, he tightened his grip, pulling at the roots. Erwin hummed appreciatively, the vibration sending a shockwave of pleasure bursting up Levi’s spine. Sliding his hands up Levi’s thighs, Erwin palmed the cheeks of his ass, spreading him apart, one finger circling his tight heat, pressing insistently inwards. Releasing his cock with a wet smack, Erwin nipped at the sensitive skin at the top of Levi’s thigh, before sinking his teeth deep into the muscle, groaning deep and ravenous as though he meant to devour him. The sharp flare of pain made Levi hiss, muscles clenching as his legs started to shake uncontrollably.
Taking Levi’s cock in his mouth again, Erwin circled his tongue around the head, lapping delicately, making a show of it, leaving Levi trembling with want, before swallowing him down again and again, enveloping him in a heat so intense it set Levi’s blood on fire, liquid flames coursing through every vein. Pulling back, Erwin dragged his teeth over the head of his cock, a careful threat that caused a burst of white static in Levi’s head.
Levi gave himself over, letting go of all that pent up tension. It was easy with Erwin. He trusted him instinctively, unquestionably, unconditionally. Erwin took the broken ugly parts of himself and held them with such reverence that Levi could almost believe his pretty words; beautiful, beloved, precious. He was putty in Erwin’s hands, Erwin’s mouth, shaped only by him. He saw nothing but their reflection, his face flushed, red creeping down his neck, staining his pale chest. His eyes were dark, hair falling forward over his face, open mouthed as he struggled to catch his breath. It made him dizzy and disorientated, staring at their reflection like that, unable to connect the picture of wanton abandon with his grim, guarded, hypervigilant self. But there he was; free and unfettered, vulnerable and unrestrained.
“Fuck Erwin,” he managed to gasp, heart pounding in his chest, battering against the cage of his ribs, “stop, I’m going to come.” He tugged at Erwin’s hair but he shook his head, tightening the grip on his ass, pulling him closer, swallowing him deeper, until the heat and the pressure overwhelmed him. Levi came with a shout, voice splintering in his ears, eyes wide open, gaze fixed on their reflection in the mirror. The sound that tore out of him came from deep within, something deep and primal wrenching free.
And perhaps in that moment he saw it, with the commander kneeling at his feet, one hand tangled in his blond hair, his own head thrown back, throat arched, mouth open, lips shining. Maybe, just maybe, in that moment he caught a glimpse of the beauty Erwin saw, if only for a heartbeat.
VII.
Later that night, as they lay together drifting on the precipice of sleep, Levi spoke into the warm cocoon of Erwin’s body.
“I hated you when we first met, you know that. But I knew that you had your sights fixed on something important. I couldn’t see what that was, so I told myself that I’d follow you until I could see what that was. I’ve always been trying to see what you see, Erwin. That’s why I’m here.”
Erwin lay still beside him, a silhouette lit by moonlight.
“And can you?” he asked.
“I don’t know, maybe. I guess I’ll just have to keep following you until I’m sure.”
Turning towards Levi in the darkness, Erwin kissed his cheek.
“Thank you Levi. I hope you’ll keep looking.”
~ END ~