Chapter Text
If L continues with this plan, this could be his last night alive. But he is not going to stop, not even to reevaluate or fine tune this plan. Because everything is ready, and he is not going to get a better chance than tomorrow. Now, L does not want to die. It is actually quite high on the list of things he would rather never do. But, losing is higher on that list.
If he does die, well, Near can take his place. Watari can enact L’s final wishes. Yagami-san has been introduced to Near; has been given his warnings and advice.
L has disregarded all advice: he is charging full steam ahead into a tunnel where he cannot see the sunlight at the end. There is a high chance that he makes it through smoothly, everything going according to plan. However, there is a small but very existent chance that he crashes and burns. And then, there is the eight to twelve percent chance that something unpredictable happens. That is the worst part.
It is late, past midnight, and L is lying in bed, scrolling through his mobile phone. He is exhausted, physically, but his mind will not settle down and let him rest. So, he is going to use this time for the vaguely productive use of seeing what is going on in the world outside his Kira Case Bubble.
It is easy to get hyper-fixated on the case at hand. It is easy to disregard the rest of the world as irrelevant, something that will wait until L is through with what has currently captured his attention. There are earthquakes, civil wars, volcanic eruptions, allegations of bribery in certain high profile world groups, missile warnings, and a lunar eclipse. All fascinating in their own right, and if L had been waiting on a case, he would have paid attention to any and all of these events in an attempt to find something worth putting his focus on.
Now, however, even all of them together are unable to pull his attention away from the confrontation tomorrow.
That confrontation can go one of two ways:
1. L wins. He gets the confession; he finally puts to rest the doubts about Light’s guilt. From there, either Light is willing to atone, which is what L’s highest hopes for tomorrow are, or Light is not, and he will need to be dealt with.
Which is…unfortunate. That is why he had told Yagami-san to not think of Kira as being human, but rather the devil. Because understanding and being able to put himself in the shoes of criminals is what enables L to catch them, and he believes that any individual has the capacity of great goodness or evil. Despite this, he has always been able to keep himself detached by never letting emotions get involved. This means that while he would like all of the criminals he catches to have the opportunity to atone, it is a sort of intellectual idea rather than one tied to passions or fleeting fancies. Just the idea that it would be a general good, since it is not as if any of these people can make amends for what they had done after they die. Unless reincarnation is actually a thing…
Which is off topic and therefore is unimportant.
The other way that L’s Get a Confession from Light that He is Kira plan could go:
2. L dies.
Light does not have his name, so L is safe from the Death Note. Unless Amane-san or the Shinigami are able to observe him and kill him. There is not really any reason for the Shinigami to, or, rather, he does not know what he could do that would prompt it to kill him, so that factor is an X for which he does not yet have the information required to solve. And it seems that Amane-san does not have her memories. But did that remove her abilities as the Second Kira to kill from sight alone, or to see a name and then write it down?
There are many other ways to be killed, not that anyone has ever gotten very close, but Watari and Roger had a lot of Safety Talks and How to Survive in fill-in-the-blank Situations. He can, in theory, survive an air raid, waterboarding, being strangled, and even shark attacks. Probably, he would just end up dying in any of those situations, though, because watching videos and reading manuals does not somehow allow him to gain the physical skills that would actually be necessary.
He stares at his phone, eyes not focusing, the too-bright light wavering and twisting.
Near is sleeping. Watari is sleeping. L should sleep. But, if he is going to die, which he probably won’t, but there is a chance, then does he really want to spend any of his last time sleeping?
What he wants is for someone to tell him he is right, that everything is going to go well, that he is worrying over nothing. It is an understandable sentiment. Humans want reassurance, and L is human. Watari and Near would both give it to him, but they are sleeping. And he is not going to wake them, because he does not want them to know he is that worried. Because it is unreasonable. It is irrational. Both things that he has been called, but rarely at the same time. And it would conjure forth more gentle accusations of emotional compromise, and suggestions of vacations for his health, because “you’ve been through a lot of stress, L, you need to take care of yourself” and he does not want to deal with that.
There is one other person who could reassure him. Not Roger, because that is very much not his role. Nor Mello, who would just call him an emotional wreck, or some other bizarre insult, because Mello’s insults only make sense in a sort of perpendicular manner, and are all the more bothersome because you have to think about how on earth that is what he decided was the most effective way to cut you down.
Light. It is Light who would reassure him. With his long pauses between thoughts and his quiet laugh, halfway between sympathetic and mocking. L has already dialled Light’s mobile number before the thought catches up with him.
Light is the reason he needs reassurance.
He hits end after two rings.
He drops his phone on the bed and rolls over to the other side of the bed where the mattress is cold. He lays facedown and slows his breathing.
His phone rings.
He fumbles around through four rings, finds it, and squints at the screen. It is Light.
He lets it ring out. Counts down from twelve. It begins to ring again. This time he answers.
“Light-kun?” he says.
“Ryuga? You called?” Light sounds very awake, considering the time.
“Mmm,” L says noncommittally.
“Is everything all right? Do you need us to come in?”
If he could only tell him. I am feeling unmoored and frankly bizarre because I might have to send you, my best friend, to be executed tomorrow. Or perhaps you will kill me. Either way, our paths are about to diverge.
“Ryuga?”
“What were you doing when I called, Light-kun?”
“What was I…I was just trying to sleep. Did you notice how late it is? You should be sleeping, too. I do not know why you always stay up so late. It is not good for you.”
He is trying to change the subject. There is a faint sound from behind Light’s voice that does not sound like the ordinary atmospheric sounds of a decently suburban home. A kind of…wind rushing?
“Trying to sleep on the subway, Light-kun?”
“No.” His eye roll is practically audible. “I am trying to get home so I can sleep. But if you need me to come in, I will.”
“Very thoughtful of you.”
“Well, it’s unlike you to call me in the middle of the night.”
“I am feeling rather unlike myself.”
Light is silent.
“It will be lonely, won’t it?” L asks. It would be better if he could see Light’s face, but they will not be meeting face to face before the confrontation.
“What will be lonely?” Light asks.
“When we part ways. It will be soon.”
“We don’t have to,” Light says. “We have caught Higuchi. It will not be long before we have this case wrapped up. But we do not have to go separate ways. You could take a bit of a vacation, and I can show you some places that do not make it on the tourist attraction list.”
Could he really mean it? Likely, he is trying to lull L into a false sense of security. Talking about after, as if they both can be there to see it. Unless, unless Light will agree to atone, and they can come back some day. It is a pretty fantasy. L lays back and lets himself picture it.
“Watari says I should take a holiday as well. I do not think I want to stay in Japan, though. Or, at least not Tokyo.”
“I figured you weren’t a big city person, since you never leave the hotel.”
“That is just for safety. I could be murdered if I left, you know.” He says it with a bit of accusation, but not enough that Light will feel the need to defend himself. That is, generally, tiresome. “But yes, I do not really like the city. Not for long.”
“There’s so much I’d like to show you,” Light says, quietly. “So much I wish you could see.”
It is oddly phrased, and Light means something by it. What could Light want to show him?
Deliberately not reading into the underlying message aloud, L laughs. “You are the one who has never left his country of origin, Light-kun. There is far more that I could show you.”
Light responds with his own laugh, which sounds methodically benevolent.
“There’s a lot you cannot learn when you never leave your room.”
“Light-kun. There is still so much I want to do with my life. So much that I could learn and experience. There is so much for you, as well. So much for everyone.”
“What are you saying?”
“I am saying that this case is drawing to a close, and that I pray we will both make it out to continue with our lives, building from what remains. There are two ways that this can end. It is your choice in the end.”
“Ryuga—"
L sighs, and it turns to a yawn.
Light laughs again, this time sounding startled. “You should go to sleep, Ryuga. You must be exhausted: you are not making any sense.”
“Rude,” L says. Maybe a little true, though. “Are you almost home?”
“Yes, just another block.”
“Mmm, okay. I am thankful you were not attacked.”
“Yes, crime has really gone down lately.”
“Ever since we caught Higuchi. Yes. Whomever the current Kira is has certainly been thorough.”
“Some might say he is an effective deterrent against crime.” Light sounds a little smug.
“Some might say?”
“I know you have seen the recent uptick in Kira supporters online. They went down during Higuchi’s time, probably since he was obviously killing people who were not evil.”
Interesting. L rolls onto his side again. “And why is Light-kun spending time on sites like that? There is little more to learn from them.”
“Little, perhaps, but I still think it is worthwhile. I am home now. Do you want to keep talking?”
He does, actually. Light is being unusually forthcoming with his thoughts on Kira, at least, more than he has since he had his memories returned. This could be related to several factors.
1. Light is planning something and is therefore preoccupied and is not thinking through what he is saying.
2. Light thinks that L being tired and talking over the phone rather than in person means that L will not pick up on any of this.
3. Light wants L’s opinion on Light’s opinion of Kira. Why? Maybe he is testing out a plan and wants to see if L takes the bait.
“Ryuga?”
“Where would you take me, Light-kun?” he murmurs.
“Take you?”
“Mm-hm. Once the case is done.”
“Oh. Um, there is a little park with lots of cherry trees fairly near the school. I used to take Sayu when we were younger, but now she says it is too boring. I think you would like it, unless maybe you would think it was boring, too.”
“Surely the first time wouldn’t be.”
“No, I guess not.” Light is whispering, no doubt to avoid waking his father and sister. “There is also a booth at the market that makes the best mochi. They have strawberry, which Sayu likes best, and I think you might like, too. Though, I guess you do not really eat normal food, so…”
“Once the case is over, I will.”
“Really? Is that a thing with you?”
“It is one of my things, I suppose. I do not like to eat during cases. I could be poisoned or drugged. Also, I feel as though I cannot actually taste what I am eating when I am focused on a case.”
“That’s a bit depressing.”
“I know.”
“Well, I’ll take you out when the case is closed.”
“Is that a promise, Light-kun?”
There is a long silence. A closing of a door, something being dropped onto a wooden surface.
“We should go to sleep,” Light says softly.
Ah. So that is how it is. That is what he expected. Light is Kira, and therefore, the case cannot end with both of them free. Light is not really planning to take L out on a date. He is planning to kill him. He should not be this disappointed.
“Ryuga?”
“Yes?”
“Good night. I will see you at headquarters tomorrow.”
Not at headquarters. But that is a surprise.
“It is already tomorrow, Light-kun. Haven’t you seen the time?”
“Good night , Ryuga.”
“Good night, Light-kun.”
He hits the end call button.
There is a lot to think about. He must be missing something because the pieces are fitting together crookedly like the pieces of Near’s puzzle. A fact mislaid; a statistic erroneously interpreted. In the end, it all comes back to Light. Because L can manipulate and orchestrate everything as he always had, but never before have his feelings been so tangled up in a solution.
He will not be getting any sleep after all.