Chapter Text
When Buck heard a soft knock and fleeing footsteps outside of his door he just brushed it off, the neighbours kids were going through that knocking on random doors phase. Thinking of it he simply resumed his baking, he was knee deep in flour and cookie dough batter when he heard it. A cry. A baby's cry. He frantically scrubs at his hands and bounds to the door, ripping it open in a single rapid motion. Blue meets Blue, the baby stares at Buck- completely forgetting they were crying only seconds ago. Buck searches his hall but finds nothing, attention flitting back towards the infant, he notices a neatly placed folder tucked into a baby bag. He spots the note, choosing to examine that before anything else.
It reads, 'Buck, meet your daughter. She's 2 months old now, I was going to tell you sooner but I thought maybe I could do this without you but the truth is I don't even want this. I don't want children, not now, maybe not ever so, she's all yours. My parental rights have already been signed over to you, you'll find all the important forms in the folder. I know you'll give this baby the best life Buck it's the reason I'm leaving her to you. I don't want contact, from either of you I'm sorry but our paths end here. Take care of yourself Buck. -Sincerely, Taylor Kelly.'
This was a joke. It was a joke right? He gazes back at the baby, his daughter watching him in wonderment. She's so tiny, despite this fact Buck is pretty sure she's 90% hair. Her strawberry curls sitting atop her head, short and well cared for it's clear Taylor actually got her the right products for it- Buck suddenly doesn't feel too bad about explaining every single curl product and their differences to her anymore. She's babbling away to herself; she's probably trying her best to communicate with Buck, still he can only stare at the baby that is wholly his. She even looks exactly like him. Blue eyes, the freckles marring her entire face, hell even the long blond lashes look strikingly similar to Buck's own. She smiles towards him, she's got his dimples well she has the one dimple specifically on the left.
A panic builds in Buck's chest, working its way from the centre where his heart sits travelling his whole body until he feels as if he's vibrating with it. He brings his daughter into the loft in her carrier, nearly forgetting to grab her fully stocked baby bag but Buck knew the fullness of it wouldn't last long. He needed things. He needed to buy so many things for his little girl, a crib, diapers, formula, pacifiers maybe but that's just the basics she'd need clothes too obviously. Buck feels helpless, he needs help, he hasn't taken his eyes off of his daughter but he's too scared to actually try and hold her himself. He sinks to his knees in front of her carrier (his leg will hurt later but he'll deal with that when the time actually comes-or he'll ignore it). Tears threaten his eyes, he rubs the offending sting of emotions away as quickly as they come. He needs a plan, he can't break right now, not when someone needs him. His daughter needs him.
Buck needs help, he hesitates to ask. Sure, he's back at work and his family are finally talking to him but it's still a fresh wound. He's scared that he'll be asking too much too soon. 'You're exhausting', he shakes the thought away. Trembling hands reach out, he can't feel his phone anywhere. Gazing upwards he realises that he left it in the kitchen but to get it he'd have to step away and break eye contact with his baby, he simply picks her up and brings her to the kitchen with him. Placing his baby on the floor and sitting himself in front of her he calls the only person who never actually stopped being there for him even during that stupid lawsuit, she was right there at his side after that first awful meeting-holding Buck as he cried over all the angry, hurt faces he saw from his family after that ambulance chaser Chase Mackey aired all their dirty laundry out.
"Buckaroo, this is a surprise. It's your day off right? Already missing everyone?" Always, he thinks to himself. He hears Athena let out a faint chuckle, god he might actually cry.
He scrubs at his face once more, badly failing at hiding his sniffles. "Hey 'Thena.. I actually..Can you come over please? I-I don't know what to do." A broken sob escapes his throat, his daughter just stares at his face as if examining his every move.
"Baby, is everything okay?" He hears shuffling in the background and the tell-tale signs of an engine starting, "I'll be there soon okay? Are you hurt? Should I call Bobby?"
Should she? He contemplates this request, should Athena call his captain who he is only just starting to really gain the trust of again? But he can tell what question she's actually asking without it having to be said aloud. 'Should I call your dad?' He nods his head despite the fact that she can't actually see him. "..please.."
"Okay baby it's okay I'll be there soon and I'll ask Bobby to meet us at your loft okay?"
"Thanks 'Thena.."
"None of that now, I'll be there soon okay just hold tight."
Athena wasn't lying when she said she'd be right there, he opens his door when he hears her knock. She cups his cheek lovingly, she wipes a stray tear from his face. "Hey baby."
Buck nuzzles his face towards the hand cupping his cheek in a way his own mother never would. "Hey 'Thena.. uh sorry I'm I-I'm a little overwhelmed right now I think." They head further into the loft, Athena pauses at the sight in the living room. She looks between Buck and his daughter, who is on the living room floor in her carrier still, and her face softens.
"Oh Buckaroo, they're yours?"
"She's mine.." He rubs his hands together in an anxious gesture.
"She's beautiful, Buck." Athena makes her way to his daughter and Buck can only follow helplessly, following her like a duckling with their mother. She gently unfastens the carrier and scoops the bundled up baby Buckley into her arms, swiping a stray strawberry curl away from the baby's eyes. "Taylor?" He nods mutely in response, simply gesturing towards the letter open and abandoned on his coffee table. She rocks the baby gently when she starts to kick up a fuss. "I think she's hungry, do you have any formula?"
He grabs the bottle and formula tucked away in the baby bag and simply holds them both to his chest. "H-how do I?...I've never done this 'Thena.." An affectionate smile works its way onto Athena's face at his admission.
"Here I'll make it, you hold your daughter, it might calm her a little." He shakes his head frantically, he stumbles backwards towards his kitchen-his hip colliding with the counter with a painful thud. Athena softens.
"I-I what if I hurt her? She's so tiny I-I don't want to hurt her.." A knock interrupts his downward spiral, it opens a second later to Bobby letting himself into the loft.
"Hey I came as fast as I could. Is everything ok-" Bobby turns to the scene before his, he sees the wounded look on Buck's face and hurries to his side. "You okay kid?" His hand is placed on Bucks shoulder as a calming, grounding gesture. Bobby turns towards the living room to see his wife watching Buck with a concerned frown, that's when he sees her. "That's a baby." Bobby glances between Buck and Athena. "Your baby?" He studies Buck's face when he asks, seeing the tears welling in his eyes again as he can only nod at Bobby's question.
"It's Buckaroos' daughter. I need to make her a bottle, could you hold her for me?" Bobby looks to Buck as if asking telepathically why he's not holding his own baby, Buck shrinks in on himself just a little more.
"Yeah, I mean- of course I can." He calmly takes the baby into his own arms and rocks her softly. "Come on Buck lets get you sat down, you look like you're about to fall over kid"
He might. He lets Bobby guide him to the couch and takes a seat obediently. He watches helplessly as his captain and his police sergeant wife take care of his baby because he's incapable of doing it himself at this moment in time. He pulls his knees all the way up to his chest and buries his head, soft sobs rock his body as he feels himself unravelling just that little bit more. A gentle hand rubs at his back in a pleasant, balmy way that has him melting an his anxiety easing just a little.
Buck doesn't realise he'd closed his eyes until he's being gently shaken awake by Athena. "Hey baby, we've got to go you think you can handle it for the night? Little miss has already had her feed and been changed she should only wake once in the night for her bottle, we've left her next one on the counter all you have to do is add hot water okay?" Her fingers card through Bucks curls in an effort to rouse him from his sleep fogged brain. "she's already asleep, we had to improvise on the bed situation for now but we'll be back in the morning with stuff for her and you okay?" He nods and stretches in response.
"Thank you 'Thena. Where's Bobby?" Buck wonders.
"He's just putting the last few containers in your fridge, that man has been cooking you meals non stop all evening to fill that fridge of yours." That gets Buck to chuckle, he loves these people like his own parents. Buck rises to his full height and walks Athena and Bobby to the door, the pair both giving Buck and tender hugs and forehead kisses before they leave.
He's now alone. That wasn't true but he wasn't sure where Athena had left his daughter, he chooses to search his loft for her and stumbles upon a scene that has his eyes shining once more. Not with overwhelming fear this time though, fondness Bobby and Athena have placed his daughter on his bed tucked away in a pulled out drawer big enough for the baby to wiggle- blankets are piled high for maximum comfort and Buck can't help but take a picture of the scene. It's adorable, he can't wait to show Eddie. Shit, Eddie. He hasn't told Eddie but in his defence he's only told Athena and Bobby so far so he's hoping Eddie isn't too mad when he finds out. 'You're exhausting' The words pierce deeper every time he remembers them, Eddie finds him exhausting but is willing to talk to him again after everything that happened. He doesn't want to exhaust Eddie with this fresh situation, so he'll keep it a secret. Not for long, he really wants his family to meet his entire world tucked away in this dresser drawer on his bed but he needs time.
He'll give himself time to settle and get used to this new aspect of his life, Bobby and Athena know so at least he can rely on them for now- he's not completely alone. "You are already so loved, kid." He places a soft kiss to his daughters forehead and lays beside her, he's never cuddled with his dresser drawers before but he supposes there's a first time for everything. He studies the tiny human tucked by his side, a tiny human he made and didn't even know about. On one hand he's so angry with Taylor Kelly, why didn't she tell him when she first realised she was pregnant? They never even properly dated and yet he has the proof that they did it laid right next to him. On the other hand though, he's so grateful to Taylor Kelly- Buck has always wanted a family but he was sure he'd never find anyone who would want that with him. Taylor didn't want that with him and yet he still has a family of his own now.
Yes, Maddie was his family by blood but she had her own thing with Chimney and Buck knew it was only a matter of time before they end up with a child, he can't wait to be uncle Buck. And sure he had everyone at the 118 in his family, he had Eddie and Christopher too but it wasn't the same. No, now he had a daughter to care for. His own family. He is going to raise his little girl with all the love and attention he has even if it kills him, he won't let his own child be brought up the way he was. Buck knew his parents never actually wanted him- he knew with every scoff or scowl that he was a smudge in their perfect family that they desperately tried to ignore or cover up. When Maddie left the truth that he wasn't needed became more obvious, his 'accidents' not receiving any loving words or attention anymore now that he was alone.
So alone, he remembers seeing that truck and only speeding up- closing his eyes and waiting for that cold embrace to finally take him. He was heartbroken when he had woken up and Maddie was there caring for his injuries- still he got out with her help. He got away from the Buckley's, yet he was still alone. That didn't really change until he made it to LA but even that didn't last, he ruined it and almost lost it for good. He fought to get back to his family so fucking hard, it almost killed him, and now he had a daughter. Buck never wants her to feel any of the anguish he's felt in his life, he'll keep her safe.
The team, Maddie, Eddie, they're gonna be so angry when they find out but he hopes they understand the need to protect this secret for a little while.
He can do this.