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Lizzy was always taught to be pliant.
Where Mabel is brash and impulsive, Lizzy is reserved and cautious. Mabel acts first and thinks later, while Lizzy barely acts at all. Mabel, despite being the youngest of the two sisters, is the ringleader. She creates the schemes while Lizzy follows along, always obliging.
Every morning, Mabel would drink her coffee fast, ignoring the acidic burn on her tongue for the warmth down her throat. Lizzy preferred to sip from her cup, warming her hands until her fingers itch from the blistering heat. Lizzy would rush to drink the rest when her coffee was lukewarm, all sense of restraint and control forgotten.
Like day and night, the two of you, their old Governess used to exclaim, exasperated at their childish antics.
The differences between the two sisters had decreased dramatically with the introduction of Conchita. Nan had rushed up to the Elmsworth sisters with blushing cheeks and wide eyes, exclaiming how wonderful and funny and exciting the new Closson girl was. In the same breath, she demanded they all must meet and claimed they would all get along famously.
Mabel, excited at the prospect of a new friend, grabbed hold of Lizzy's arm tightly.
Lizzy, who has only really ever felt comfortable in the company of Mabel and the St. George sisters, felt her stomach twist.
"Are you sure we can trust her?" Lizzy had asked. Mabel released her hold on Lizzy while Nan looked up quizzically.
"Why wouldn't we be able to trust her?"
And so Lizzy fell headfirst into this new friendship. She allowed Conchita's warmth and good nature to incite adventure into her life. Lizzy giggled over champagne and danced barefoot in the grass, holding hands with Jinny. She placed flowers in Nan's braids and teased her little sister relentlessly.
One day, a few months after meeting Conchita, Lizzy could admit to herself that they were better this way. The four of them had been missing something, and that something had turned out to be Conchita.
Little by little, Lizzy kept discovering something new about herself. She learnt that she could be courageous and daring and sometimes, if the situation called for it, sneaky.
But she never forgot about needing to be pliant.
"Men do not care for women that are impertinent and loud," her mother would say. Mabel would scoff and roll her eyes, annoyed at their mothers' hypercritical claims.
"But Mother," Mabel had said. "You are impertinent and loud."
Lizzy had giggled over Mabel's teasing, but to an extent, she agreed with her mother.
Her mother was many things, but well-liked was not one of them. And Lizzy, for better or for worse, so desperately wanted to be liked.
It had worked out for her, in the end. Hector was nice, kind and loving. He smiled and worked hard, and is respected. Hector would expect very little of Lizzy, which both worried and excited her.
Perfect disposition, Hector had said to Lizzy the night he proposed. You are perfect for me.
And it was true. With Hector, she was the perfect politician's wife. She smiled during his speeches and acted sympathetic when he endured a bad day in parliament. In return, Hector would shower Lizzy with admiration and gifts.
With Hector, Lizzy was never angry, or spiteful, or jealous.
But with Theo's hands on her skin and his teeth on her neck, Lizzy allows herself to be.
"Nan doesn't deserve you," she whispers into the night, into his skin. "She never did."
"Yes," Theo agrees, although Lizzy isn't sure if it's in response to her statement or the fact that she had lowered her lips to his chest.
Sometimes, when it's late at night and Lizzy is twisted up in Theo's expensive sheets, she thinks of his wife. She thinks of Nan, her love for Guy and her lack of respect for Theo.
Lizzy knows she should feel guilty. Sleeping with your friend's husband is akin to blasphemy, and Lizzy knows that there is no coming back from it. Knows that Nan will never forgive her, and that because of it, she will lose Jinny and Conchita forever. Mabel, bound by blood, will stick by her. That, Lizzy is sure of.
For a sobering moment, Lizzy isn't sure if this is worth it. Breaking up a marriage and, as a result, losing the respect of everyone close to her.
Except, a small, wretched part of Lizzy thinks, you didn't destroy this marriage. Nan did.
Sweet, innocent Nan. Who loves deeply and freely and selfishly. Who took Guy to bed and then married another man the next day. Nan, for all her generosity and good nature in friendship, treats love as if it were merely a game. To Nan, men are playthings on a board, ready and willing to be moved by her hand.
Lizzy is sick of watching Theo be a pawn in Nan's game.
Theo stirs next to her, and Lizzy smiles. An arm snakes out of the sheets to wrap around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his chest. Lizzy suppresses a giggle as he kisses her forehead.
"Morning," he says, his voice thick with sleep. Lizzy can feel him pressing up into her stomach, and she rolls her hips. Theo's smile reaches his eyes.
Lizzy was always taught to be pliant, but that does not mean she has to stay that way.