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“Oh dear god…”
“This is not funny!”
“How – how did – what even…?”
“Stop laughing!”
“I – I – I’m trying; I s-swear!”
“Miss Hart, please.”
Rivet Hart sucked in a deep breath through her muzzle, only to completely lose it as she burst into yet another gale of laughter. It was bad enough that she had to grab the nearest table to stay upright, nearly knocking over a row of beakers as she did so. Alpha-Clan Gaster grimaced and, with a slight twitch of one of his four ghostly hands, moved the tray away from the hysterical deer. The scientist sighed as the younger monster ended up slipping and landing on her tail on the floor, most likely bruising her rear but not caring in the least as she shook with laughter. On the table beside him, several small voices sighed and one swore in annoyance.
“Okay, okay, I’m good!” Rivet pulled herself up and grinned widely at the group of monsters standing on the table. And they were standing on the table, despite there not being enough room. Well, there wouldn’t have been enough room if they had been the correct size. But they weren’t the correct size – they were tiny.
“You done, bitch?” Itty-bitty Edgy sneered at her, arms folded over his chest. Even at four and a half inches tall he was a ball of anger. Beside him were four other skeletons, each in varying states of disgruntlement.
“Not even close, asshole.” Rivet smirked at the angry little skel, moving to stand beside their table and leaning over, propping her elbows on the top and resting her chin on her fists. Beside Edgy, Mobsy (as the deer had taken to calling Mob Clan Sans) smacked Red on the back of the head.
“Show ‘er some respect,” he demanded in his thick accent, threatening despite being the same height. He was still dressed in his sharp pinstripe suit – whatever had caused this had, thankfully, shrunk their clothes alongside them.
“Easy, mob-man,” Orange pulled the cigarette from his teeth and blew the smoke away from the group.
“Mob-man?” Gaster Sans nabbed the cigarette from the taller skeleton and stole a drag. “Heh, I like ‘Mobsy’ better.”
Orange pulled another cigarette from the shrunken package in his hoodie pocket and lit it with a flash of his eye. “Heh, Mobsy. Nice and manly.” He winked at the aforementioned Sans, who bristled.
“Look, ya punk…”
“Okay, that’s enough!” Sans – Alpha Clan Sans, clad in his signature blue hoodie and slippers – pushed his way to the middle of the group, looking less than pleased. “Cut it out, all of you. There’s no call for short tempers.”
As the Sanses (and one Papyrus) either cracked up laughing or began yelling at each other, Rivet twisted her head to look at Gaster, who had moved to stand beside her.
“Okay, serious talk, how?”
The scientist heaved a sigh and pointed to the far corner of the lab. There was soot staining the floor and walls, except for five small imprints where she guessed the five had been before Gaster had found them. “They were experimenting.” His voice was deep and had a heavy undertone of calm, despite the annoyance in his eyes. “Something went…wrong.”
“Really?” When he shot her a rather terrifying glare at the sarcasm, Rivet back peddled and tried to look apologetic. “I mean, uh, yeah. Sorry. So why call me?”
“As the owner of the only Reader shelter in the city, I figured you would know best how to handle creatures this…small.” Gaster sighed and ran a hand over his smooth skull. “It will take me several days to figure out what they were doing and find a way to fix it. It would be best if they were not underfoot during that time. Although we have never formally met, you are the only one I would trust with this task.”
Rivet straightened up, crossing her arms and raising a brow. “You want me to babysit them while you fix their mess?”
“Well, I would not say it like that…”
There was a flash of light and a weight settled on Rivet’s shoulder. With practiced ease she twisted her head and peered down her muzzle to Sans.
“C’mon dad, you want her to babysit us. No need to sugarcoat it, even if she is a pretty sweet monster.”
“Sans!” Gaster snatched his son off the deer’s shoulder and deposited him with the others. “Look, I am more than willing to pay you for your help,” he told Rivet, who suddenly looked much more interested. “I know the shelter is a non-profit, but I would be happy to make a very generous donation if I were able to get this fixed without five miniature skeletons underfoot.”
“It’s probably a good idea,” Orange chimed in from where he’d teleported to the top of her head, laying between her antlers without a care in the world. “Knowing those two,” he jabbed his thumb at the group on the table, “Sans and Edgy might start blowing stuff up just for the hell of it.”
“If you’re getting cigarette ash in my hair, I’m going to lock you in the glove compartment of my car,” Rivet threatened the skeleton, who immediately stubbed his cigarette out on his boney palm. “That’s what I thought.” She sighed and nodded to Gaster, making Orange yelp. “Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on them. How long do you think it’ll take for you to fix it?”
“No more than a week,” Gaster promised, looking relieved.
Rivet looked at the four on the table, who still looked unhappy with their predicament. None of them spoke out against the idea though. “Alright, guys, let’s head out so dear old dad can fix this all up.” She held her hands out, but wasn’t surprised when instead both Sans and Gaster Sans (she would have to shorten that…Gast? Gast would work.) teleported to one shoulder, making themselves comfortable there. Edgy and Mobsy, not to be outdone, copied them, and two weights appeared on her other clavicle. The deer rolled her eyes and retracted her hand.
“You’ve got my number, right?”
Gaster nodded, patting his coat pocket. “Yes. I will call you when I know something.”
“Good luck!” With a wave, Rivet left the lab with five small passengers. Once in her car, she made sure they were safely in the carrier she always kept in the back, strapped into the passenger seat, and were settled before dissolving into laughter once again.
“She’s a fucking banshee,” Edgy muttered, rubbing at the side of his skull as Rivet’s random snorts and giggles interrupted the quiet night drive. It was late – just past midnight – and the passing streetlamps lit up the inside of the carrier as the car sped past them.
Orange and Gast were sharing a cigarette, and the former blew smoke at the Underfell skeleton. “Chill, shorty,” he muttered, “it could be worse.”
“How? How could this possible be worse?”
“She could be making size-related puns.” Gast pointed out. Across from him, Sans feigned offence.
“How dare you!” He rested a hand daintily over his chest. “Honestly, I can’t believe you’re all being so small minded.”
Mobsy barely grabbed Edgy in time, yanking him backwards when the little ball of anger lunged for Sans classic. “Stop baiting him,” he growled to Orange, “and hand me a damn cigarette.”
“Didn’t think you liked ‘em,” Gast tossed him the box and watched as he fished one out, fingers a bit clumsy.
“I prefer cigars,” Mobsy grunted, throwing back the box and lighting his stick, “but we don’t have any of those, unless yer holding out on me.”
“Nah,” before either of the reasonable skeletons could stop him, Sans made his pun, “Cigars are in short supply.”
Edgy crashed into Sans with a wild snarl, and the two were quickly tumbling head over heels about the carrier as the other three watched, in varying states of amusement and annoyance.
Outside the carrier they heard Rivet sigh, giggles gone, and quietly wonder what she had just gotten herself into.
“Alright, house rules,” Rivet announced as soon as she entered the backroom of the shelter, the five skeletons sitting on her shoulders and head. “No fighting, no yelling, no screaming matches, no swearing, no harming each other OR my Readers, no destroying anything, no smoking inside, no explosions, and no summoning any of those floaty-skull-things that fire laser beams.”
“Gaster blasters.” All five corrected her at once.
“I don’t care if they’re lollipops, no lasering my stuff.” Rivet stopped by her bed and pointed to the messy nest of pillows and blankets on the floor beside it. “Okay, rides over, last stop, get off of me.” Any affection she’d had for the cute little skeletons had been squashed when one of said floaty-skull-things had been summoned by Edgy and nearly took out the engine of her car.
Obediently the five teleported to the pillows and blankets, and the deer flopped on the bed. “All of the Readers are asleep right now,” she muttered past her pillow, pulling out her phone and checking the time, “since, y’know, it’s three in the morning. I expect you five to stay back here and sleep until I’m able to explain everything to them.”
“Sure thing, Rivet.” Sans flopped back on one of the pillows, and was out like a light in seconds. Orange and Gast (who had given up their cigarettes when they entered the building) laid down near him, both beyond tired after the day’s events. Edgy laid down a few pillows away, muttering idle threats about a certain punny skeleton beneath his breath.
Mobsy kept an eye on Rivet, who in turn watched the others settle down to sleep. When she caught him staring, he gave her a slight smile and teleported to the mattress.
“What are you doing?” The deer asked as he made himself comfortable leaning against the edge of her pillow.
“Keepin’ an eye on my favorite monster.” He shut his sockets and rested his hands over his stomach.
“Papyrus isn’t here,” Rivet settled her head down as she spoke.
“Heh, right. Then I’m keeping an eye on my second – no wait, that would be dad…third is Alphys…fourth is Asgore…uh…”
“Goodnight, Mobsy.”
She was asleep before he could finish counting her place on the totem pole of favorite monsters.