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Richie used to be a bartender in the evenings alongside working at The Beef during the day. This was years ago, when Mikey's ... situation wasn't as bad. Before he quit this job to take care of him.
He needed a little extra money since child support and alimony was sucking his bank account dry.
It was fun for the most part. It was much like being at The Beef. Loud and dirty. He had regulars who would buy him shots through the night, even if most of the time he gave them away. There was not enough time to drink anymore, not when he was juggling waking up early to drop Eva at school, working all day at the shitty restaurant and then coming to the bar until the early hours of the morning.
Richie didn't really think too much when he offered a shot of tequila to the girl sitting at the end of the bar. She was pretty and seemed like she needed it more that he did.
"Hey! This is--isn't mine." She said pushing the shot back toward him.
"It's on the house, sweetheart." Richie smirked, pushing it back.
Her face contorted into a one of disgust and anger. "Don't call me sweetheart."
"Woah! I'm Italian." He gestured to himself, "It's my culture. Besides, I don't know your name, princess."
Richie's grin widened as she visibly bristled.
She took the shot and hesitated for a second before swallowing it down. "It's Sydney, you creep."
"Nice to meet you Sydney. I'm Richie."
She rolled her eyes. "I think they're trying to get your attention." She pointed down the other end of the bar. The other patrons were getting louder.
Richie shrugged. "To be continued." He winked.
He couldn't deny that he was attracted to her. He was attracted to most women. But Sydney was too young to even entertain.
Throughout the night, he could feel her looking at him and on more than one occasion they made eye contact.
She had pretty eyes.
Just before Richie's shift ended, Sydney stood up and left. Richie stood there feeling both relief and disappointment. He knew if she had stayed he would have flirted with her and been shot down hard. But it would have been nice to look at her longer.
When he left the bar, he turned into the alley next to it so he could smoke a little before driving home.
Richie was about to light his cigarette when he heard someone kick the metal dumpster a few feet away. He pushed himself off of the wall and walked over to see Sydney guiltily looking up at him.
"Shit, what'd it ever do to you?"
"Nothing." Her voice was clipped. "Go away."
"Darling, that's my bin you're assaulting."
"Fuck off, no it's not."
He laughed, slightly mumbled by the cigarette in his mouth. "No it isn't."
He lit the cigarette and blew out smoke.
"So what's up?"
Sydney lifted an eye brow at him and squinted. "Why do you care?"
Richie shrugged. "Bored."
Sydney scoffed, but her head hung lower and she leant on the cold brick. "I got broken up with. Apparently I was 'too much' and 'never around'."
"Shit."
"Yeah. Shit."
They were quiet for a moment.
"So what are you gonna do about it?"
"Huh?"
"How are you gonna get over this... fuckwad?" He gestured loosely.
"I don't know." She kicked a stone. "He was my first real relationship."
She looked up at him. Her eyes reflecting the murky yellow of the streetlights. Richie couldn't help but notice how close they were. She smelt of salt and coconut.
"I always used to hook up with someone after I broke up. Not the most mature thing to do but it gave me something else to think about."
Sydney blinked slowly, long eyelashes fluttering. She could feel her cheeks warm.
"Is this a preposition?" Sydney wasn't sure what made her say it. Whether it was the alcohol or the fact that Richie was hot.
Richie smirked. He rested his arms on the wall either side of her and looked down. He flicked his cigarette behind him. "Do you want it to be?"
Sydney just pushed herself forward into a kiss. Richie pushed back.
His hands grabbed her waist and he slipped a knee in between her legs. Her hips tried to roll towards his.
"Eager?" Richie huffed out amused.
"Fuck you, get on with it."
"Bossy."
Richie kissed down her jaw, neck and clavicle. He lifted up her dress and pulled down her panties, dragging his fingers along the soft skin of her leg.
He knelt down and looked up at her. She was divine. He took off her panties and tucked it into his pocket.
Richie puts Sydney's leg on his shoulder and kisses the join of her hip and her thigh.
"Hurry up!" She whined, holding Richie's head tight.
She was so wet already.
Richie licked into her core languidly. Sydney couldn't help but buck into his lips. She didn't know if she wanted more or if it was too much. Richie's nose kept nudging her clit in a way that she would become addicted to.
He slipped in a long finger, rough with callouses from years of service work. Sydney bit back a groan and threw her head back a little too hard on the wall behind them.
Richie couldn't help but wriggle his eyebrows suggestively.
"Urgh, shut up -ah- shut up Richie."
In response he slipped another finger in and started hitting the spongy bit of her pussy harder.
Sydney couldn't stop the whimper that fell from her lips. Her legs started to shake. Richie crooked his fingers inside her and Sydney felt a pressure start to build.
"Rich-ie!"
His thumb rubbed tight circles above her clit. "I've got you sweetheart."
And Sydney was done. She fell forward into him, gasping. His fingers pumped in and out slowly, letting her ride her euphoria out. Richie could feel her clench around his fingers.
She felt empty when he pulled his fingers out, kind of cold. She put all her weight onto the brick wall.
Richie held her gaze as his pink tongue licked her glistening spend off his fingers. He grins and tilts her chin up, kissing her, letting her taste herself on his tongue.
With him this close she could feel his hard on pressing against her thigh.
"Think you can give me another, sweetheart?"
Sydney could only nod, pushing back her now dishevelled braids. "Yeah. You have a condom?"
Richie digs around for his wallet and pulls out a condom. "Always prepared."
"Creep." But Sydney let Richie turn her around and bend her over. He flips up her skirt and grabs at her hips.
"Look at you, so ready for me." He slips the condom on.
"You're so irrita-"
Richie started to push in. Inch by inch. Sydney couldn't help but scrabble at the wall. She hadn't had honest to god sex in months. His dick was hitting all the places that her fingers couldn't.
"Half-way there darling," he grunted into her shoulder. "You can take it."
"What?" Sydney panicked. "You're going to split me in half!"
"You're feeding my ego, princess."
Finally their hips met. Sydney was breathing hard, a stream of sweat was running down her back. Richie rubbed her side.
"Ready."
Richie fucked into her. Every thrust hit her cervix just right. Sydney couldn't ignore the wet slapping sounds their bodies made. She couldn't ignore Richies hot breaths on her.
Sydney turned her head and kissed him, swallowing his moans, tasting the bitter cigarette ash that lingered on his tongue.
She could almost visualise them on the third person. Them fucking in this dirty alleyway, and the way that Richie's body met hers. The noises she made were embarrassing.
Richie was repeating her name in her ear. She could feel their wetness spread to her inner thighs. His crucifix pushed into her shoulder blade.
"Harder." Sydney said. "Uh, uh, more, Richie."
"You're so fucking bratty," he dug his fingers into the fat of her hips, "So annoying."
He was getting close too, his movements stilted and less consistent.
"Richie, Richie, Richie!"
Sydney's orgasm was forced out of her. Her vision blanked and for a moment she felt weightless. It was so good. Too good for a one-time thing.
A few seconds later she could feel him come too. He thrusted in and out slowly, and pulled out slowly.
He rolled over and leant beside Sydney, breathing heavily. He took off the condom, tied it and threw it into the dumpster.
Sydney struggled to get herself calm again.
Richie pulled out a cigarette and lighter from his back pocket. His hands were still slightly shaking and he struggled with the lighter. After a few empty clicks, Sydney took it and lit his cigarette for him.
Richie inhales and exhales smoke away from her face.
"Don't be annoying about it." He ran a hand through his short hair. "But, that was the best fuck I've had in a while."
"Same."
He laughed.
Sydney tried to smooth out the new wrinkles in her dress but it was futile. She hoped that she didn't look too obvious.
Richie pulled out her panties from his pocket. "Here."
"Wow, what a gentleman." She said as she slid them back on, wincing at the feel of slick skin on fabric.
"You were going to whine if it touched the floor."
She rolled her eyes.
Richie stubs out a half finished cigarette and turns to her. "I'll drive you home."
Sydney raised an eyebrow.
"Not like that. Do you want to walk home?"
"...no." Sydney said. "Fine, but don't kidnap me or anything."
"I wouldn't dream of it sweetheart." He pressed a hand on the small of her back, guiding her to his car. "You'd be too much of a bitch about it anyway."
They never exchanged numbers and would only meet up after his shift. Often they would just fuck in the alley but sometimes when they were feeling fancy he'd drive them over to his apartment. She'd slept over a few times, whining about her hair and the lack of lotions in his bathroom.
It all stopped because Richie had to quit his bartending job to take care of Mikey. It was getting too much. It was kind of sudden and he didn't have the opportunity to properly say goodbye to Sydney. He hoped that she wasn't too mad at him. He tried not to think about the two silk pillow cases at the bottom of his closet and a slowly expiring bottle of cocoa butter lotion in his bathroom.
When he saw her again at the Beef in the walk-in of all places, he knew he was fucked.
Sydney gasped involuntarily.
Carmy's eyes darted between them. "Do you guys...know each other?"
Sydney was the first one to snap out of it. "What?" Her voice was high pitched. "No!" She shook her head frantically. "Nope!"
Richie twitched and rolled his eyes. "No. It's nothing, cousin."
"...Alright. Sure. If you guys say so."
She avoided him the whole shift. But Richie could feel her eyes on him. It didn't surprise him that as soon as they were both done for the day she pulled him outside the back of The Beef.
Richie couldn't help but think that her heavy angry steps were a little adorable.
"I can't believe it. Of all places! Of all people!" She mumbled angrily.
She whipped around and looked at Richie with surprising vulnerability. "You-- you won't tell anyone right? What happened?"
Richie couldn't help the grin that pulled at his cheek. "You mean when we had se-" the rest of his sentence was muffled by Sydney's hand.
"You're such a dick, Richie!"
"You love this dick." His blue eyes flashed with amusement.
Sydney pulled her hand away and looked at him with disgust.
Richie acquiesced. "Fine. Fine. Nothing happened. We don't know each other, etcetera, etcetera." He patted himself for his cigarettes.
"They're in your back pocket."
"Thank you, sweetheart."
"Urgh. Bye Richie."
"Bye, princess."
Sydney walked away with her middle finger in the air.
Richie could only chuckle.
So, back to square one. But Richie wasn't sure if he could forget her taste or what she looked like next to him.
It was fine. They were fine for the most part. But Richie had this special skill. He knew which buttons to push to get Sydney to explode.
Sydney just couldn't do it anymore. She would never apologise for stabbing Richie. It was an accident. Sure, she definitely hoped that it would happen but it was an accident nonetheless.
She hated him standing over her, using his height to look down at her. She could feel that ugly clawing feeling in her chest and throat. She felt light-headed as she shouted.
Her insults were targeted and when they hit Richie she knew that she went too far. She shouldn't have brought up his ex or his daughter.
God, she knew that this wasn't going to work out. She should have walked right out that door as soon as she saw Richie.
Sydney remembered the line made her quit. Richie got close to her face, his nose brushing against her temple. "What would loverboy say if I told him I fucked you."
After that it was a blur and it felt like all she could hear were loud drumbeats.
She was never going to come back to this hellhole.
Sydney stayed up all night. She regretted it. Then she was glad she left. Then she felt like slapping herself for getting that angry.
She knew how restaurants worked. She knew that there was a hierarchy. That there were power imbalances. But yesterday? Yesterday was the tipping point.
Wasn't this the very environment she sought to leave when she created Sheridan Road? Why should she stay and rot from the inside?
Carmy was an atrocious leader. He never listened. He never compromised. He just yelled all the time.
And Richie. As much as she wanted to avoid thinking about him, he was the crux of her problem.
If she was being honest with herself, she was embarrassed. What Richie said was true. Sydney had more feelings than admiration for Carmy. But for someone to point it out? It was too much.
She rubbed her face in exasperation.
She'd hate it if Carmy found out. She knew that he'd never look at her the same again. It was childish how she felt about him.
She kept replaying the argument in her mind. It was hard to feel bad for shouting at Richie. Being that close to Richie, even during an argument, made her feel hot. She couldn't help but remember his bruising fingers on her hips. The scruff on his jaw scratching sensitive skin.
Where did he go all those years ago? She hated revisiting these questions because she knew that he wasn't thinking about her as much as she was thinking about him.
Sydney felt like she was used and thrown away. Even though she was normally the one instigating the sex. She still felt silly asking for Richie weeks after he left.
So, no. She can't get hung up on this old man again. This time she's going to leave his sorry ass.
Sydney had cooled down the next day and considerably more after she and Marcus talked shit about the Bear together.
She kept her mouth mostly shut about Richie, keeping the conversation about how trash Carmy was as a boss, which wasn't hard.
When Marcus was about to leave he asked, "So, will I see you at work?"
"I-I'm not sure. Let me think on it?"
Marcus smiled knowingly and nodded.
"Sure. I'll see you later, Syd."
That evening she got a text.
It was an unknown number but she knew who it was
"Come back."
So Sydney came back. Of course she did. She never did know when it was too much.
Richie's grin widened and he winked at her as he passed her a can opener.
They had both been dancing around each other for about a month now. They hardly spoke and when they did it was strictly about the restaurant.
So it was weird when she got a call from an unknown number and it was Richie on the other side.
"It's me. Can you come pick me up?"
"Richie? What? Why?"
"I got arrested for aggravated assault and I need you to pick me up at the police station. Come on! I just spent the night in jail."
She started shrugging on her parka over her pajamas.
"What about Carm?"
"That little bitch isn't picking up as usual."
She left the house and got in her car.
"Why'd you call me?"
"I remembered your number."
A beat of silence passed.
Richie grumbled. "Don't be weird about it. I know Carmy's, Tiff's, Sugar's. But you're the only one who doesn't have a kid and picked up the phone."
"I didn't say anything."
"Yeah, yeah." He hung up.
Syd was going to be weird about it. The only numbers she knew where her dad's and one childhood friend that she didn't speak to anymore. It was weird to know that Richie put her in a group with his closest family, right?
What was weirder though, was how easily she got out of bed to get him out of jail.
She could see him leaning against the walls of the police station. The dawn sun bounced off his features.
He slid into the passenger seat and grinned at her.
"Thanks sweetheart."
"Shut up, Richie. What did you do this time?"
"Hey, hey. I didn't start it. The bachelor party was fucking trashing the restaurant, what was I supposed to do?"
"Not get charged with fucking aggravated assault."
Richie shrugged. "Yeah. There was probably a better way to stop the fight."
They were silent until Sydney turned in to his road.
"You remember my address?"
It was Sydney's turn to blush.
"Shut up, Richie."
He turned toward her with a wide wide smile. He laughed. Richie leaned forward and smacked a kiss on her cheek.
She shrieked. "Richie! You fucker!" But he was already out of her car and opening his door. Sydney honked her horn and flipped him the bird. She could see his whole body rack with laughter.
As she drove away, she couldn't help but wish the kiss was on her lips instead.
Sydney missed him when he went to go stage. Just a little bit.
When he came back it was genuinely like looking at a new person. No, that was wrong. This was still Richie. Still the same wild smile that stretched a bit too wide. He moved stiffly sometimes, like he wasn't used to how his new suit restricted his movements. Richie didn't lean on the walls anymore. His nails were clean.
He still smelt like Richie. Weaker, but the scent of cigarette ash and cheap aftershave still clung to him.
Sydney couldn't help but run her eyes up and down him.
"You clean up good, Richie."
His ears felt warm. "Thanks, Syd."
When Carmy got locked in the walk-in on family and friends night, it was clear that Richie's transformation wasn't just skin deep.
When he stood there at the top of the kitchen, he could feel his heart beating a million times a minute. He was scared of messing up, scared that all his work was going to come crashing down.
His eyes met Sydney's.
"Richie."
All the voices in his head quieted and he focused on her.
"Drive."
And he did it. He fucking did it. And not even Carmy shouting at him could take away the accomplished feeling that sat in his stomach. He had officially saved the day.
He opened the back door with a celebratory slam. And pulled out his cigarettes from his back pocket.
Richie could hear retching and turned to see Sydney vomiting next to the dumpster. He tucked the cigarette behind his ear and went over. Richie held back her braids and rubbed her back.
"I'm fine. I'm fine, Richie." She said still crouched over.
"Sure, princess."
She turns toward him, wiping at her mouth. "Don't call me that."
Richie made an uncommittal sound and shrugged. "Let's go inside. You need to eat something."
She hesitated. "Is Carm still there?"
"No."
She followed him in.
Richie fills up a deli cup with water and passes it to Sydney. He grabs a sandwich bun and heats it up in a pan. He worked in silence as Sydney watched him.
"In this whole kitchen, there's not a single toaster." He gripes, grabbing the now toasted bun and put it on a plate. "Here. Eat."
Sydney picks at it, pinching the bread and eating small bits at a time. "Thanks, Richie."
"It's no problem. I used to do this for Mikey." He started clearing away the pan.
"Was...was it really bad?" Sydney asks.
"...yeah." He sighs. "I had to quit bartending so he had someone during the nights. I didn't really want to. But he was my brother. And I thought he was getting better. The week he died. He was really happy. He was using less."
Richie cleared his throat. "Well. You know what happened."
Sydney nodded.
She felt a bit silly now, thinking about how mad she was that Richie left without saying goodbye.
Richie turned toward her and stood close. His fingers tapped on the counter erratically. "Hey. I'm sorry that I just disappeared. You probably don't care but--"
Sydney put a hand on his arm.
"I cared. A lot." Her cheeks warmed. "I used to curse you out actually."
He laughed loudly. "I deserved it."
"No, you didn't." She leaned closer. "But you can make it up to me if you want?"
Richie met her in the middle.
It was familiar and new, like a song that you used to play on repeat summers ago. Syd was used to the way that he would lift her up but it was new, watching him unbutton her chefs whites.
Richie unclasped her bra and cupped at her breasts firmly. When he put his mouth on them, Sydney groaned. Richie unzipped her black slacks and pulled them down.
She could feel him mumbling how perfect and how soft and pretty she was into her skin. He rubbed at her soaked panties before pushing them aside and sliding two fingers in. Sydney couldn't stop the yell that came out of her. She gripped at the counter tightly.
"So, so lovely, aren't you sweetheart." He whispered into her ear.
Sydney closed her eyes and whined. "Shut up, Richie. You're going to stretch out my underwear."
He pulled out his fingers and slipped them into her mouth. Sydney rolled her tongue around his fingers and focused on not gagging. He pulled down her pants and panties.
Richie unbuckled and took off his pants with one hand. He was red and leaking. His precome smeared across his length as he stroked it.
He took his fingers from her mouth, string of spit still connecting them. He rubbed the extra fluid on his dick and shuffled into place between Sydney's legs.
Richie bullied into her. He loved to hear her gasp. They both knew she could take it and enjoy it. It was rough and hard and Sydney could feel every vein of Richie's dick. The sound of skin smacking together and the smell of sex in the air was obscene.
Richie could feel every shiver, twitch and clench. It was everything. She was so warm. Sydney had missed this. All her memories and fantasies lived up to this. The heat and friction was driving her crazy.
Soon they were both reaching climax. Richie's thrusts became more clumsy and Sydney had given up on bringing her hips up to meet him.
"Syd. Syd." Richie said huskily. "I'm going to pull out."
"No. Don't do that!"
"I forgot to put on a condom. I'm going to--"
"I don't care. I don't fucking care, Richie. Come in me."
"Syd, sweetheart, you're killing me." He groaned into her hair.
With renewed vigour he moved faster and started rubbing circles on her clit. He bit hickeys into her collarbones and relished in the salty taste of her bruised skin.
"Richie! Oh-oh!" She grabbed at his back hard, the ironed cotton of his shirt wrinkling beneath her hands. The edges of her vision whited out and all she could focus on were the blue of his eyes.
Her pussy fluttered around him and he was done too. Sydney could feel his warmth inside of her and if she had more energy, she could have came again from being filled. Richie finally stilled, his head resting on her shoulder.
"Fuck."
He pulled out, and they both winced at the move. Richie's eyes caught on the drops of come that started to leak out of her. Sydney started to close her legs, but Richie kept them open.
"Stop looking there, creep."
As usual, Richie ignored her and licked the drops away. She still tasted as good as ever.
Sydney's legs shook feebly at the feeling of his scruff against her skin. "Richie."
"Fine. Later, then."
He reached up grabbed one of the cloth napkins and wiped Sydney carefully. He sorted himself out and threw the napkin in the bin.
"You need to throw that out properly." Sydney griped, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. Richie liked seeing her messy. Her bra was still half off, her trousers around her ankles.
He grinned. "Still so bossy."
But he tied the plastic bin bag and took it outside. He washed his hands when he came back inside. Sydney was waiting for him, all packed and holding his blazer. The counter was sanitised and gleaming.
"Ready?"
"To mine?" Richie asked.
"Yeah."
"You can't get enough of me can you?" He laughed, nudging her.
"Shut up Richie."
His cigarette was still behind his ear.
They got closer after that. They willingly pair themselves together to run errands for the Bear. They still insult each other but it's far more good natured than before. Even Tina and Marcus have mentioned how nice it is that they aren't blowing up at each other anymore.
Sydney had been going over to Richie's more often than not. She used to justify it because it was more efficient since they work at the same place. But she has a toothbrush there. A set of old pajamas. Even a bonnet. She was still trying to ignore the fact that Richie kept those silk pillow cases from years ago.
She wasn't really sure what this was between her and Richie. She didn't want it to stop. And the sex was always amazing, even if it was just lazy rutting in the early morning.
He likes to manhandle her. Throw her around a bit. She likes his hands around her waist.
Sydney likes it when he pushes her head down onto the pillows, and drags her hips up. Richie likes dragging a hand down her arched spine.
Richie also likes it when Sydney sits on his lap and rides him. He likes seeing her hooded eyes, her bouncing breasts.
Sydney was always gorgeous. In her chef whites, in sweatpants, in dresses. But Richie liked to see her like this the most.
When she's spent, sweat on her smooth skin, her eyes closed. He loves to hear her hurried breathing slow. Maybe he really is a creep, but nothing will stop him from feeling accomplished to bring her to such a state. Richie pushes back her braids away from her face.
He could probably live in this moment for ever.
Richie broke the comfortable silence and turned toward Sydney.
"Hey, this might be fully overstepping boundaries but I'm just going to ask." Richie said with forced casualness.
Sydney looked at him with a frown but nodded.
"Come with me to Tiff's wedding. As friends."
"O-oh. Um."
"It's just that, ahem, I think we're friends and I would feel better if I had someone there at the wedding."
"Richie. I-I'm not sure. Isn't the rest of the family invited? Carmy, Nat?"
"Yeah, but they won't want to hang out with me. And they've got dates."
Richie tried his best to ignore Sydney stiffening against him at the idea of Carmy having a date.
Richie continued. "It's just a party. You're right, people we know will be there, but I want you there too."
"Won't it be, I don't know, weird to bring this 'situation' to your ex-wife's wedding?"
He didn't like the word 'situation'. Richie mumbled. "If you're not comfortable, you don't have to come."
Sydney put a hand on his arm. "Richie, I didn't say that. But I don't want to make the bride uncomfortable on her wedding day."
"She knows." Richie looks away. "She actually gave me the idea." His fingers twitched for a cigarette.
A second passed.
"I-Its not like I wouldn't've invited you. It's just you know? Anyways. Tiff's just happy I'm not lonely."
"I'll go with you."
"Yeah?"
"Of course, Richie. You're my friend."
Richie ignored the squeezing in his chest and kissed her hard. His hand ran across Syd's inner knee up to her hip.
"Wanna have some fun?" He grinned.
Sydney chuckled. "You're disgusting."
Sydney wasn't really sure what caused Carmy to change. Something happened after the Ever funeral and after Tiff's wedding. He made a conscious effort to collaborate, and communicate. It was slow and new but she could see it.
She used to think about what would happen if Carmy started working out his issues. She used to think it would be easier to have a crush on him. To not have to swing from intense admiration to harsh frustration.
But, she was wrong. She didn't feel anything but grateful and happy for him. She liked seeing him smile but she liked seeing Tina, Marcus and Sugar smile. Somewhere along the line of the stress of creating the Bear, her hero worship died down and all she could see was a man struggling.
Sydney was glad to spend time with him. After all, they were the only two who understood who much food meant to the other. Sydney couldn't have technical discussions about flavour and palate with anyone else. It was like they had a single mind when they discussed the menu. It was nice. It helped that Carmy paid for all her meals at the restaurants they visited as repentance.
Richie noticed it. Of course he noticed it. Sydney started hanging around Carmy more often now, since Carmy got his head out of his ass. They've been going on "not-dates" at restaurants for "work".
Richie couldn't even be mad. He and Sydney were never official, never exclusive. They just had sex.
Richie was the guy you wasted time with until the next best thing came along. Carmy was the person you spend the rest of your life with.
They would make a lovely family. Two parent, 2.5 children household. They would probably be on front pages of magazines, posing in front of IKEA kitchens.
Their kids would have Sydney's eyes and Carmy's curls. It hurt to think about. Even though it was unrealistic to think that Sydney would ever have a family with Richie. He was too old, he'd been through it all before.
It was pitiful to mourn the loss of a child. But here he was, trying to get the image out of his head.
Carmy will probably ask him to be his Best Man.
And he'll say yes because sometimes when Richie looks at him all he can see is a 6-year-old boy with impossibly blue eyes asking if he could play with him and Mikey. Richie wondered if this was revenge for all the times he said no.
He'd swallow his heavy feelings and make some sort of inappropriate joke at Carmy's expense. He'd spend too long on a speech he didn't mean. He'd probably get too drunk at the reception.
Richie didn't even want to think about Sydney in a white dress, walking down the aisle to get married to another man. He'd have a front row seat, standing behind Carmen while they read out their vows.
Maybe, he thought, he would be put out of his misery if Carmen knew how he felt about Sydney. Perhaps, Carmy would blow up in his face and Richie would take it. He'd be forced to leave the Bear and he wouldn't have to see their romance.
Richie knew he would survive it. He always survived it. When his mom left, when Tiff left, when Mikey left. What's a few more people?
Eventually, he wouldn't think about Sydney before he went to sleep and when he woke up.
Over the next week, Sydney could feel a shift in the air between her and Richie. He didn't flirt with her, or touch her back when he passed her on the line. She wasn't really sure what caused it and when she asked what was wrong, Richie would get a look in his eyes and mumble that he was fine. She ignored the heavy weight of dread everytime.
It came to a head when they were the only two left in the office after closing. She leaned forward to kiss him and he moved back.
She felt hurt, "Richie?"
Richie took a deep breath. "I don't think we should do this anymore."
"What? Why?"
"Look, I know you don't want to talk about it with me but I know what's going on between you and Carmy." He rubbed his mouth. "And I don't want to hurt him. So let's stop."
"Nothing's happening between me and Carmy!"
"I'm not fucking blind, Sydney. You've been going on fucking dates together."
"They're for work! Nothing happened!"
"I can see how he looks at you."
"What?"
"He loves you." Richie looks down and clenched and unclenched his fists.
Sydney puts a hand on his face to force him to look at her.
"Richie. I don't care how he looks at me. I don't." She swallowed. "Don't you see how I look at you?"
"Syd." He ran his hands along her forearms. "Syd. You don't want this. I'm old, I'm never going to be able to retire. For fucks sake I only started getting my shit together this year."
"I don't care."
"Look." Richie pulls away. "I don't think I can continue just having sex. I want more, Syd. I want the whole thing. I want to show you off, wake up to you everyday. I want you to be a part of Eva's life. I want to shoot the shit with your dad."
"I want that too! You don't know how badly I want that too. I-I hate that I miss you when I wake up. I hate your stupid face and your stupid laugh." She kisses his cheeks and the corner of his mouth. "I'll hate you more if you leave me."
"I don't think you get it Syd. Fuck, I love you."
She kisses him hard, "I love you too."
"You don't have to say it back." He whispered.
"Richie. Of course I love you." Sydney said. "I don't just sleep over at random men's houses for most of the week."
"I don't want to fuck this up. I-I don't want to lose you."
"Neither do I. But, I've never been happier. I want to try this Richie."
Richie hugs her tightly. "Okay."
He laughs. "Okay."
He kisses her again and again and again.