Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Neither Carlos nor Jannik were able to really say when whatever they had started or even how. They’ve been friendly with each other, then friends and, somehow, more than friends. Even after they started to sleep together, it’s never been a “friend with benefits” situation because neither was only interested in the sex, it just seemed natural to spend an evening together, enjoy each other’s bodies and a joint pleasure, then intimacy and vulnerability. Both were certain that traditional friends with benefits wouldn’t stay the night or just casually cuddle to take a nap during the day. At the same time, were they really in love? They never labelled their relationship or even addressed what they were doing. 

It’s been going on for years, in periods. For some weeks, they would be joined at the hip and couldn’t get enough of each other, both sexually and intimately; they would spend every minute of every day available together, to touch, to feel. Then, for whatever reason, they would distance themselves and not even share texts. The last crisis of their “relationship” happened at the end of 2023, they drifted apart, neither really realising it, it just happened. Jannik met Anna and fell in love with her. They kept it low-key for a while, it was sweet. It was their little secret. Jannik discovered that he liked belonging somewhere, knowing where he stood and hated the media attention. He hated the mean things people had to say about the person he was in love with, the scrutiny of people pointed out if they both attended each other’s matches enough, people following their moves on social media. He disliked that part. Even though she was under a lot of pressure, Anna did better than he did in dealing with it, she also had more experience, but it weighed down on him and so on them. What started as a gentle love story ended in a nightmare. The summer had been sweet, the photos in the press had frustrated him and, in return, frustrated Anna because she didn’t get why he was so upset about it. Was he ashamed to be seen with her? Jannik tried to explain to her that he was proud that she was his girlfriend, he loved her, of course it wasn’t that, it was the concept of having private moments, lovely memories to him, stolen from him for everyone to see and judge. Well, it ended in a bad argument because they couldn’t understand each other. He understood what Anna meant, 'it doesn’t matter, we had fun, we have and love each other, if people want to talk about it, what’s the matter?' But knowing there could be people taking photos made him anxious. It wasn’t rational, he knew it, there were photos taken of him without his consent all the time, journalists often chose unflattering photos of him to illustrate their articles, when he attended Anna’s matches, of course he knew people were taking photos, but to him, it wasn’t the same. There was a huge difference between knowing people were watching him, expecting people to take photos of him and people invading his off time when he was just having fun with the woman he loved. He wasn’t playing a role there, he was being happy, genuinely, and was very much not being the #1 tennis player, he was just being Jannik, a young guy really in love for the first time. It upset him deeply that just anyone could see this aspect of him when it was supposed to be private and only Anna’s. And it upset him that she couldn’t get that because it mattered to him. It was their first real argument since they got together. They went to sleep frustrated at each other and, the next morning, Anna left to start training. She hugged him, he hugged back but it was cold.

Jannik ran into Carlos in the hotel he was staying in just a few days later. The Spaniard immediately knew something was wrong and asked him what was going on. They spent the evening talking and catching up with each other, as they didn't have time to really talk since the previous year. Better now than never. Jannik told him about the stupid argument he had with Anna, Carlos tried his best to give him the best advice because Jannik was his friend and he could see how happy he was with her. They ended up cuddling in the Spaniard’s bed, Carlos was running his fingers through the red curls, it felt nice. 

The next morning, Jannik told him in detail about what was going to happen. The doping scandal. Carlos already knew, not everything, but there was some noise. Jannik valued their friendship, he didn’t want him to find out from the press like everybody else and, he wanted him to know that it was accidental, that he would never use this kind of product. Carlos held him for a long time, because they could tell it was going to be a big mess, and he asked him to talk with Anna, to not let a stupid disagreement ruin their relationship. And that nothing will change their friendship.

Carlos hadn’t said anything but it made him think. That day and a half they spent, they spent it as friends and it felt nice. His heart was full because he did miss Jannik even if he had been focused on other things. No, what got him thinking was, what was their relationship before. Carlos was pretty confident that if Anna wasn’t in the picture, he would have just kissed him and he knew for a fact that Jannik would have kissed him back, they would have spent the night enjoying each other after so long. But now, it wasn’t on the table, they were real friends and he was absolutely fine with it. Carlos was genuinely happy for Jannik to have found the one. He just wondered if that was really normal to do all of this with a friend of yours. Carlos knew he was bi, he was known to be all over some girls instagram accounts, but during his breaks in Ibiza, he was also sharing his bed and his body with men. It wasn’t an issue per se that Jannik was a man or that he enjoyed sleeping with him or being by his side, no, it was more the fact that he was an opponent. If the Italian hadn’t been his rival, maybe he would have made a move, because he cherished him, and he was cherished in return, but his heart was closed at the idea of a romantic relationship with him.

Jannik did what he was advised, Anna listened, both apologised but they agreed that some distance, even if it was only about a week and a half, helped them clear their minds. Their relationship was stronger than ever when all hell broke loose. The doping scandal. Jannik knew that it wasn’t easy for Anna either, since he confirmed their relationship, people pressured her to do better with her career and kept saying that she was only benefiting from the relationship. Now, people were expecting her to be by his side, to support him through it because that was what people expected from women: to support men. Jannik did feel guilty because most of the bad comments were kinda his fault, and now this. They celebrated his US Open win together, both in public and in private. It was dreamy and having her by his side was precious, definitely a sweet memory he will always cherish. But the noise didn’t stop, the pressure didn’t lighten and Anna asked for a break less than two months later. He understood, they kept arguing, breaking up for a day or two before being back together. It became really messy. He asked her to take care of herself. 

This was when Carlos returned to his life. Jannik was bored in Monaco, stressed with the appeals, anxious about the potential outcomes of the trial. He opened instagram and liked Carlos’ story, he was enjoying well-deserved vacations. Carlos called him later in the night, asking him what he had been up to. Well, Jannik had been honest, something in Carlos’ voice made him want to confide, to tell him about his rising anxiety, the uncertainty of his future. It made Carlos confide, too, about the relationship he freed himself from. He sounded really vulnerable on the phone and refused to elaborate more than “he was an asshole”. Jannik invited him to his home in Monaco, said that they could wallow together, if he wanted to. Carlos immediately accepted and booked a flight during the phone call, Jannik promised to get him from the airport. They fell asleep on the phone.

Carlos had already been to his home in Monte-Carlo a few times. In fact, they had been sleeping together every time Jannik was single. And Carlos was more than fine with it because it was convenient, they were often going to the same tournaments, but he didn’t want a relationship with Jannik, having some fun on top of their friendship meant pleasure and freedom, exactly what he needed. The Italian told him he was they were on a break but he knew it meant only one room was ready. 

True to his words, Jannik picked him up at the airport, waiting for him with his favourite drink in hand and a cute smile. If they weren’t in public, he would have just kissed him right there. They made their way to his nice property and the redhead helped with his bags. Once they were in the safety of his home, Jannik engulfed him in the warmest and tightest hug he’s had in a long time. Quicker than expected, salty drops of water were running down his tanned cheeks and Jannik just held him closer, drawing gentle shapes on his back, whispering soothing words in his ear. They stayed here for a long time, until Carlos moved a little. Jannik took his hand in his and led him to his house with a confident walk. Carlos was confused for a moment because that wasn’t the path to his bedroom, he felt a pang in his chest because he has always been inside his room not a guest room. Without realising it, he stopped and a very confused Jannik was looking at him.

“Charlie, you’re exhausted, you need some sleep before we can talk” he said, his thumb rubbing Carlos’ hand where he held it. “I’m just going to my room but, uh- if you prefer, we… we can go to another one?” he added but Carlos remained silent.

“But your room is not in this direction?” he only managed to say.

“Ah- Oh- Yeah” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. “I- Uh- Decided to use another room because- well… I don’t like sleeping in this room anymore, it’s… umh… officially a break but it feels more like a break up so I wanted a fresh start and a new room” he explained. “But if you prefer the other one, we can go” he offered with a soft smile.

“I’m sorry it’s over. You looked cute and happy together”

“We lacked luck” he shrugged. “The timing was awful, it’s maybe better this way. We’re not on bad terms, I wish her the best”

Carlos said nothing and just moved closer until they were hugging. Jannik gently rubbed his back until he gently held the back of his tights, the Spaniard understood and wrapped his legs around his waist. Jannik walked them to his new bedroom. It was simple but nice, the bed was way bigger and looked so comfy and he noticed the big mirror on the ceiling. Kinky. He was gently dropped off on the desk. Jannik cupped his face, his thumb caressing his cheek, felt the texture of his acne scars that Jannik loved touching and the adoration made Carlos close his eyes, fresh tears escaping.

“What’s going on?” he whispered. Carlos opened his eyes, they were red and leaking but he didn’t say anything. “Please, talk to me”.

“I- I was in a relationship for a few months. He… he-”

When Jannik saw him close his eyes, unable to hold his gaze, he acted. He held him again and walked to his bed, sitting against the headboard. Carlos was on top of him, straddling him, his head resting on the older man’s chest where Jannik rubbed his scalp, playing with his hair.

“Take all of your time, okay? Whatever it is, it is a lot, hm? What about a nap and we see how you feel after?”

In no time, Carlos was asleep. The warmth of Jannik was soothing, he was really touch-deprived and, even if Juanki and his team tried their best, this was what he missed. Jannik worried, yes he sounded bad on the phone the previous day, but that was worse than he thought. Who was this man and what had he done to his precious Carlos, the joyful and warm Carlos? Jannik didn’t know that man’s name but as soon as he did, he would be dead. Whenever Carlos looked agitated, he soothed him and after a few hours, he gently woke up. Jannik extended this moment, playing with his short hair, whispering soothing words to make him smile. Knowing how much Carlos loved them to share a bath — and how he himself loved to have a very naked Carlos against him in this shared intimacy — he offered but Carlos remained silent, reflecting.

“Hey, you can say no if you want to, Charlie, there is no pressure. You love sharing a bath with me while talking, that’s why I offered” he said. “Maybe also because I missed taking a bath with you” he added, in a fake tone of confidence, as if he was sharing a secret. 

“I have to be honest right now” he sighed, his eyes closed. “This man, Karl, he… he has shattered my self-confidence. It started as- He was lovely. We hooked up after Wimbledon, and it was nice and he wanted us to be a thing. I was reluctant but I accepted because it was nice to have him around, you know? Cheering for you in the stands, being by your side, you know what I mean” Jannik nodded. “But the honeymoon phase stopped as soon as he knew he had me. He… he was lovely and awful at the same time. He started by saying that- my body was my better asset- I mean, I know that, people think I’m sexy but I’m not good looking and- and after he would refuse to have sex with him if he could see my face, it was always from the back- you- you know it’s not what I enjoy the most- and-”

“Charlie, I’m sorry to interrupt you but I want you to know that I find you handsome, like, really, to me you’re a super attractive man even when you’re wearing your clothes. I know you’re insecure about it, I understand why, but I love your acne scars, I love the texture and I love touching them, you know that, right? I’m not saying this because of what he did but because I really think this way. And, as for the sex part, you know I always want to see you, no matter who is on top, because you’re beautiful, especially when pleasure makes you close your eyes and let out the prettiest noises. Please, please, I’m begging you, believe me”.

Carlos remained silent for a long time. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe Jannik, he knew Karl was wrong and that was precisely the reason why they broke up, it was just that the insecurities were not induced by Karl, they had always been there. He couldn’t create them, he needed leverage over Carlos, and for that, he needed to use something he was already insecure about. Of course, Jannik had always praised him, told him he was handsome. Actually, Carlos thought it was because they had mostly hooked up when one of them was injured, because it meant one wasn’t as busy as usual training, so Carlos kind of convinced himself that Jannik was telling him that he looked handsome so the focus would shift from his injured body to something else. It seemed weird to Carlos to think that Jannik could genuinely think of him as handsome. Carlos was a young guy, he used social media, he knew people thought he was hot but for his body only and the comments were clear when someone said they found handsome. So he just accepted it as a fact: he wasn’t attractive.

“Carlos, I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to you. You are handsome, it’s not only your body, far from it. He doesn’t matter, his opinion doesn’t matter and-”

“You’re the only person I’ve slept with who told me I look good” he said with a flat tone.

“What?” Jannik said after a moment.”But how’s that possible?” he added, genuinely confused. “Even the girls you’ve hooked up with?”

“Yeah. They liked my muscles and my dick” he shrugged.

“Carlos, they told you that or do you think that?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Because you might be thinking that I don’t think you are a very good looking man when I do” he said. “So, for a bath?” he asked to change the subject.

Carlos nodded. Gently, with all the tenderness he had, Jannik held him to the bathroom and showered him with kisses as he undressed him. Then, as Carlos preferred, he let him sit behind him. If the spoons were applied there, Carlos preferred to be the bigger one. When he had changed his bedroom, Jannik had chosen this bathtub specifically so they could fit like this comfortably because he knew that, sooner or later, he would be cuddling naked in his Monte-Carlo home with his biggest rival, and that wasn't an issue for him.

Throughout the next three days, they slept together a lot and both were definitely sore. They’ve always been switches, that was part of their dynamic but, for the first day and almost the entire second day, Carlos refused to top, not because he didn’t want to — Jannik wouldn’t have said anything then — but because Carlos thought that he wasn’t a good enough top to give him pleasure. Actually, when they used to sleep more often together, Carlos was topping more often than he did and Jannik loved it and always had. It was all Karl and he hated it. He took the matter in his hands and convinced Carlos to let him ride him, so he was the one in control, then he asked Carlos for help because his thighs hurt and before he knew it, the Spaniard took control and that felt really good. 

They fell back into a routine of seeing each other more often, to play some games or sleep together, until mid-December. It felt nice. Then, as they spent time home with their families, they drifted a bit apart, just exchanging a few texts here and there. Carlos had a couple of hookups, but nothing serious, he definitely wasn’t ready for a relationship after what happened with Karl. Jannik met Anna again at the beginning of January during the Australian Open. They talked throughout the tournament but agreed to part ways for good. Jannik celebrated the final with Carlos, knowing they wouldn’t be able to see each other for a long long time because his upcoming suspension would start on the first days of February. Then, they parted ways with Carlos going back to training and Jannik going back home. He knew it was going to be three long months but he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Jannik was surprised to have Carlos in Monte-Carlo after his win in Rotterdam, his championship, but he was more than happy to celebrate his win with him. They had only three days before Carlos had to go back to Murcia. Jannik had planned a trip to his mountains to go back to his first love: skiing. He offered Carlos either to come with him or that he could reschedule, but Carlos asked to come; he had never skied. The former ski champion promised that he would learn in no time and they were going to have great fun. The Spaniard agreed but said nothing to his team, he knew they would be against the idea. Jannik learnt to ski before he knew how to walk, he won championships, he was less likely to injure himself. So, on their first night, they boarded in a private jet to a private place Jannik loved and where Carlos would be able to fall down without the whole world knowing about it. They cuddled on the plane, exchanged gentle touches and spent the night in a chalet Jannik owned. 

Carlos had to agree, the redhead was a great teacher, in no time he gained confidence and was able to ski without falling down every two meters. It was a lot of fun and Carlos was so happy to experience this for the first time, especially with Jannik by his side. Carlos especially loved it when Jannik was skiing behind him, hands on his waist, pushing him. But he had the most fun when he tried the sledge; he knew it was going to be great, but it was so fun. The hill was perfect, Carlos was sitting with his back to Jannik’s chest who was holding him close, giggling in his ears. Carlos would have loved to live in this memory forever. As it was getting later, they were slowly heading back to their chalet, on their skis, Jannik was behind him, making sure the Spaniard was doing alright, when one of his skis banged into something, likely a rock, throwing him off balance and falling down, rolling on the side of the path until a trunk stopped him. Carlos, alerted by the noise of the ski on the rock, turned his head, but his own balance was tricky, the sudden movement made him slip but, luckily, he fell on his knees. He fought with his skis to take them off and ran to where Jannik was, still against the trunk, looking confused. He kneeled in front of him.

“Hey, hey, you alright? Does it hurt somewhere?” he hastily asked.

Jannik only shook his head, looking confused.

“Fuck, I didn’t see that fucking rock” he finaly said. 

“Does it hurt anywhere? That was a big one” he worried.

“For now it’s okay, I rolled a few times, it’s spinning a little but I’ve known worst” shrugged Jannik.

“Okay. Okay” Carlos mumbled. “Do you think you can get up or is it still too soon? I don’t think the chalet’s really far, otherwise I’m calling the emergencies”.

“Just give me five minutes, it’s going to be okay”.

Carlos nodded and came closer, wanting to share his warmth with Jannik who looked really pale. Immediately, two arms were wrapped around him, that was how Carlos found out the older man was shaking. After five or ten minutes, Jannik tried to get up but he fell down again when he put weight on his left ankle, letting out a pained noise. Jannik took a deep breath and got up again, holding onto Carlos, trying to not put too much weight on his ankle. He knew it wasn’t broken, likely just torn but it still hurt. Luckily for them, Carlos was right, the chalet was just ten minutes away from them. Slowly, they managed to reach it. Jannik took off his boots and hopped on one foot to have a look at his ankle. When he finally sat down on the sofa, a pained expression on his face, Carlos arrived with ice to soothe the pain. 

“Here, let me” said the Spaniard, once again on his knees in front of him. His fingers delicately took off the black sock to reveal an already dark bruise on the inside of the ankle. He gently cradled the ankle in his hand and put the ice over the bruise as softly as possible. He kissed the inside of his ankle before putting Jannik’s foot on the coffee table. “I’m sorry” he said with a broken expression.

“Hey, that’s not your fault, happened to me a lot in my life already. It’s not broken, just sore” he tried to reassure Carlos. “And, it’s not like it’ll make me miss any tournament” he giggled. The suspension was a sensitive topic but Jannik tried not to let it weigh too much on him. “Come here” he added because Carlos still looked upset. The Spaniard looked up at him and the redhead tapped on his chest. “I could very much use some affection and warmth” he whispered and tried his best to charm Carlos with his best puppy eyes. And Carlos couldn’t resist. 

Jannik wrapped his ankle later in the evening, it wasn’t as bad as it looked, he was able to put some weight on it but his ribs on his back hurt a little as well as his hip because of the fall and then the impact on the trunk. Just in his underwear, he joined Carlos in the kitchen to ask him if he had any bruises because he couldn’t see. When he entered, Carlos was sitting on one of the chairs, his phone weidged against a fruit basket but Jannik didn’t realised he was videocalling someone, so he walked behind Carlos, a hand on his shoulder, the other on the table and he leaned a little to be able to look at Carlos. That was precisely when he heard a noise coming from Carlos’ phone, Jannik turned his head and Juanki was looking back at him with an amused expression.

“Oh” said Jannik, a hand on the back of his head, nervously tangling in his red curls. “Hello Juan Carlos” he added, moving a little so his almost nakedness was hidden behind Carlos. 

“Hello Jannik, that’s a pretty impressive bruise” replied Juanki. 

Carlos frowned and looked at Jannik, but the bruise was on the other side so he made Jannik turn — giving Juanki a 360-degree view in the process — and gasped when he saw his back.

“It’s that bad?” The Spaniards agreed in synch. “I was actually coming to ask you if I have a bruise, I guess I have one then”.

Jannik had his back turned to Carlos whose hand was playing across the Italian’s belly, a possessive gesture, his thumb was gently rubbing the skin in soothing motions without Carlos realising he was doing it. Still unconsciously, Carlos kissed Jannik’s shoulder before asking him for the cream he kept in his things, that he would help him apply it. Jannik thanked him and left the kitchen. Once alone, Juanki looked at his player for a few seconds without saying anything, trying to collect his thoughts. 

“So that’s where you went, to celebrate your maiden Rotterdam title, with Jannik ” he said with a teasing tone, even if he was actually worried. 

“We’re friends” shrugged Carlos, a small smile on his lips.

“Only friends?” Juanki still asked, to make sure. 

“Of course” he said as if it was the most obvious thing ever, like how Juanki even dared to ask such a question. 

“I’m just asking” he replied gently and resumed their conversation. 

A few minutes later, Jannik entered the kitchen again, this time wearing clothes, and sat down on a chair next to Carlos, his head resting on his shoulder. Carlos stopped and switched back in English but Jannik closed his eyes and said it was fine, he could continue in Spanish and that, this way, he wouldn’t understand their secrets, with a small smile. 

When Juanki hung up the phone, he remained silent for a long time, staring at nothing because nothing had prepared him for this. What was Carlos doing? What has he done already? Juanki wasn’t stupid, he knew that Carlos and Jannik were seeing each other. At first, he believed they were just friends and that was nice, he liked this for Carlos he happened to feel loney, he was such a family guy, it was tough on him not to have any relatives and his friends couldn’t always make it to support him. He had access to Carlos’ room, especially because the young prodigy was often late, if it wasn’t weird to see the two boys passed out in one bed, too tired after spending the night gaming, he noticed that they were more often than not cuddling. He thought nothing of it, just two young homesick boys looking for affection, what was wrong with this? One morning, he found them both cuddling closer than ever, they looked shirtless but as Juanki was considering closing the door, Carlos had moved a little, revealing the small of his back. They were naked in the same bed, cuddling and Jannik stayed for the night. Juanki decided not to say anything and to analyse them instead, their behaviour and especially Carlos’. But nothing, nothing seemed to have changed. Carlos remained focused on his tennis and didn’t sneak out to go see the Italian and during his trip to Ibiza, Juanki knew he spent the night with girls. So he preferred to forget about it, maybe it was just a one-time thing, an experiment? Until a couple of months later, in the same situation, he opened the door, they were once again cuddling naked but the bottle of lube and the box of condoms were still on the bedside table. Juanki called Simone and Darren, they needed to talk. A deep conversation. They told him that they accidentally saw an explicit text from Carlos who appeared on Jannik’s phone, but they weren’t too worried as Jannik was focused on his game and it didn’t feel like a relationship. The three of them decided to say nothing but promised to keep the others informed of any potential developments.

What bothered Juanki that day wasn’t the fact that he had something going with Jannik, no, it was that it didn’t look casual anymore. Instead of going to Ibiza, Carlos has chosen to go to see Jannik, of all people, to celebrate a title and from the look of it, they were in the mountains, Jannik’s mountains. And even this, that wasn’t the worst. No, it was how oblivious they were. They were in love, it was obvious to Juanki, and likely to anyone else but them. They had this gentle way of interacting, a shared intimacy and vulnerability people deeply in love have after the honeymoon phase. The way Carlos naturally cared for his bruise, Jannik’s confidence in walking almost naked and trust in Carlos, the way he put his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes, how Carlos had kissed his head, touched his belly, it wasn’t casual. Juanki called the group chat with Darren and Simone and told them what had happened right before. They were getting worried.

Against all odds, Jannik and Carlos drifted apart again during the Italian’s suspension. They shared fewer texts and Jannik was seen with a gorgeous model in the streets of Monte-Carlo; she even watched his training session. Juanki was worried about Carlos.

“Have you seen? Jannik seems to have a new girlfriend” he casually said during a training session a few days after the videos became viral. 

“Oh yeah, he told me. She’s lovely apparently. They’re taking it slowly because he doesn’t want another public relationship, after what happened last year” he explained while stretching. “But, wait- it’s public?” he added, frowning, looking confused.

“She was watching him train last week and they were seen together in the city” Juanki shrugged. “Is it an issue that it is out?”

“I mean, I don’t know, I’m just surprised. He keeps saying he wants this to be private because he hated all the attention on him and Anna. Maybe it’s more serious than what he told me the last time” he said with a sweet smile. “I’m happy that he’s found someone that makes him happy then, because that’s a big step for him to let the people know”.

“If you had someone, you would want to keep it a secret?” asked the older Spaniard.

“Yes” Carlos said without hesitation. “First, I’m still recovering from Karl, I don’t want a relationship right now and not in the next months. Second, I don’t have time for a relationship, it requires time and constant attention and affection and I would hate for the other person to do with the little time I have and I would be a bad boyfriend because- Hey, don’t look at me like that, it’s not Karl, it’s all me - I want to be there for the person I’m going to love, to support them, as much as they support me and, right now I can’t and that’s frustrating. Like, look, I want the relationship, I crave having my person, the intimacy, the tenderness, but I can’t, right now, tennis my wife. Maybe in the future I will manage but for now, no relationship, I’m not ready to trust someone like this again and I don’t have enough time to make things right and be a good partner. You know it, with me, it’s all or nothing”.

Juanki was relieved that Carlos didn’t mind Jannik being in a relationship, it meant he wasn’t in love with him, that was good because that was what worried him. Anyone but Jannik. And he knew Carlos enough to know when he was lying; he wasn’t. Of course, the Karl part broke his heart, he loved Carlos like his son, even if he never got the details, he knew that asshole broke something in Carlos. That was why he had encouraged him to follow a therapy.

The next time they saw each other was at the end of April, Carlos asked him if he could spend a few days with him and Jannik immediately accepted, not understanding why he was asking, he always just rang his doorbell and Jannik opened the door for him. Carlos was confused, “because you’re maybe not alone, you’re seeing someone, right?”. Jannik remained silent for a moment. “It’s over” he said flatly. Three and a half hours later, Carlos was naked in Jannik’s bed, the redhead lying on his chest. 

“What happened? I thought that it was serious enough for you two to be public” he whispered, kissing his pretty hair.

Jannik sighed. “It’s stupid. She posted a fox emoji on instragram on a post about tennis, of course, people had seen photos of us, so they were quick to call this a formalisation when I specifically asked her to take things slowly. I wanted this to be just us for a while, but she didn’t listen. I was honest, you know, I told her before we even did anything how being in a public relationship hurt me last year, the pressure, the comments, the hatred but she didn’t listen. It hurts but I can’t be in a relationship right now. I would like to but I can’t, there is my schedule, of course, but I think I need time to recover. I don’t know if I will be able to have another public relationship after last year… I’ll need to find someone who can accept this and have their own life because I have so little time. And what to say about the media. There is already so much stuff online about my ‘new relationship’. It’s frustrating” he whispered against Carlos’ warm skin. 

“I get you. After Karl, I don’t think I’ll be able, either. I’m still doing therapy, it helps but just the idea of being in a relationship one day makes me anxious. I can’t. I’m still young and I hope it’ll pass but for now and the close future, I can’t commit, that’s for sure”.

“I’m so sorry, for what Karl did and for your arm” said Jannik, kissing his way from Carlos’ chest to his neck. “I hope we’ll be able to play each other again in Roma” he whispered against his lips before kissing him again. “I missed playing so much but especially playing you”.

“I can’t wait, Mister World’s Number One” he kissed him back, his hands wandering on his lower back. “Think you can go back?”

“‘m all yours to take”

Jannik was glad to be back, it would never be as it was before, the scandal had broken things that couldn’t be repaired, opened a door for a new kind of hatred that’ll never stop, but his heart was so full to be there, in the court, and in front of Carlos. He is a professional athlete, of course, he wanted to win, but he was also a realist and Carlos was more likely to win than him. So, instead of worrying about the outcome, he decided to enjoy being back and sharing this with Carlos. And enjoy he did. He lost. It hurt because he was at home, in his country, but he’ll bounce back in the future. Standing in the final was already a win after all the things that happened to him the previous year. 

Carlos had first celebrated with his team, then he had joined the redhead later in the evening for a special celebration. Carlos had almost begged him to top, to take matters in his own hands, and the Italian agreed. He took his time to prepare him, to give him all the pleasure he could because Carlos was a winner and he deserved the best there is. That night, they didn’t just have sex, they made love. It was all sweet and tender. If they were used to having soft sex sometimes, that night, it was slow and so intimate, they couldn’t stop looking at each other and kissing and whispering sweet nothings. Both their hearts were so full. They couldn’t let go of the other. But they didn’t have time to address it because they needed to separate to prepare for Roland Garros. Carlos left his room after one final kiss and a sweet “See in you in the final”.

They did just that. 

One of the greatest tennis games. They battled for five and a half hours. They went beyond what they thought was their limit; they gave their all. It was one of these rare moments where you realise you’re making history. They were both aware of it and they did their best. The loss hurt more than anything for Jannik because he almost had it for a moment, the win was reachable, but it wasn’t his at the end. He cried a little in the locker room, on his trainers arms, not even because of the pain of losing, not really, more because he had to search so deep within himself to find this strength that it left him fully raw and he couldn’t do anything else other than cry and cry. They comforted him and held him until he could stand on his own. 

Carlos went all out that night, he had wanted to join Jannik but he could understand if he needed some time, even if the text the redhead sent him earlier seemed to say otherwise. When he went back to his hotel room, he was buzzing so much energy with so many different emotions that he couldn’t sleep. With nothing to lose, he tried to call Jannik, he was certain that his phone would be turned off or that he would refuse to talk to him, but he picked up the phone. Carlos remained silent for a moment because he didn’t expect him to actually pick up so he made a fool of himself.

“Sorry, can I come over? You can say no I-”

“Yeah, I’m sending you my room number. See you soon” Jannik interrupted, he sounded raw. 

The Spaniard took his things and rushed to the address. He smiled at the few people who recognised him and congratulated him. Once inside, he made his way to the right floor. His legs should be sore but he felt like he could fly so he took the stairs, all the way to the sixth floor, almost running. He didn’t even have time to knock that the door was opened, he was grabbed inside the room by two shaking hands, the door closed behind him and his arms were full of a frail body, cold drops wetted his neck. It broke his heart. He wrapped his arms tightly around Jannik’s body, held him as close to him as he could, almost trying to hold together the broken pieces. He was the one who broke him. Carlos couldn’t stop saying he was sorry and Jannik couldn’t stop saying that he was happy for him, that he had been amazing and deserved all the glory he covered himself with today. 

As usual, they ended up in bed, naked, Jannik wanted to feel him. Carlos wanted to refuse, saying that he wasn’t in the right state but, his eyes still wet, the Italian begged him and Carlos couldn’t refuse. It was all tenderness and gentleness and so full of love. Carlos couldn’t move after they both came and Jannik didn’t want him to pull out either, he just wanted to feel him. But at some point, he had to pull out. They squeezed inside the shower, their hands couldn’t stop touching each other. Carlos took his time washing his favourite redhead, his hands caressing, massaging the body he loved so much. Jannik’s eyes were closed, he kept letting out the most beautiful noises with the delicate attention. Then Carlos took his time to wash his pretty curls. His fingers touched each strand of hair and massaged his scalp, making Jannik’s legs like jelly. The Italian couldn’t stop kissing Carlos, he was addicted and Carlos was too. They stumbled out of the shower and did it again on the bed, with Jannik’s legs wrapped around the Spaniard’s waist, breathing the same hair when they didn’t manage to keep kissing. They couldn’t get enough of each other. 

They got up again a while after. Carlos was resting on Jannik’s chest, his fingers on his hair, telling the Spaniard how proud of him he was, how good he was. Jannik wanted some air and Carlos followed him on the balcony. They were both shirtless, Carlos was standing behind him, a possessive hand on his belly, his cheek on Jannik’s shoulder. It was intimate and screamed their precious love they shared. They remained like this for a few minutes, then, both moved at the same time, their eyes locked, the next second they were kissing. It wasn’t heated, it was slow, sweet love. They headed back inside, closing the blinds behind them. 

“Please come with me, anywhere, but please, I want to spend a day with you far from everyone. I’ll be in Ibiza today but the next two days can be yours, please” begged Carlos in the morning, as he was about to leave the room.

Jannik couldn’t refuse him anything. “Tell me when and where” he whispered on his lips.

It wasn’t like Jannik to do this kind of thing but he couldn’t get enough of Carlos. He needed to be with Carlos or he might pass out.

They met in a little town on the italian coast. Carlos had rented a beautiful house. It was isolated, perfect for them. The Spaniard told him about his day and a half in Ibiza and how grateful he was to be here, with him. Jannik felt the same way. They enjoyed each other, a lot. They knew they wouldn’t be able to do so in a long time because Carlos would go to London while Jannik was going to Germany. They made the most of these two days and parted ways for two weeks. They hardly saw each other in Wimbledon but as soon as Jannik had free time after he injured his elbow, he was seeking comfort in Carlos' bed, not sex, just sweet kisses and comfort only Carlos could provide.

Eight hours before Wimbledon Men’s Singles Final, Twitter was a battlefield.

bykarl

@serendipity_

Carlos Alcaraz and Jannik Sinner are dating, I wonder how the final will go 😂 (and who's gonna top afterwards 😉)

(Two videos attached: one from the balcony in Paris where they were kissing after the Roland Garros final; the other from their little stay, blurry but they can be seen cuddling and lazily kissing in their villa)

Then, in no-time, it was all over instagram and tiktok and traditional tabloids. 

The disaster has struck. And violently so. Destroying everything. Irreversibly.