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“You cannot be serious.”
“Please tell me this is some kind of sick joke. Not even a funny one at that.”
“Yes I am serious, and no this is not a joke,” Faragonda addressed the very off-put professors, who were all staring. But not at Faragonda.
The professors instead were gaping at what, or rather who, she brought back to Alfea with her. Understandably so, since it was someone nobody would have expected in a million years. Or, well, 17 years would be more accurate.
“Why the sour faces, professors?” the man in question smirked. “It’s not like I can hurt anyone now. You have your headmistress to thank for that fact.”
“That’s correct, Faragonda nodded. “Valtor has been stripped of all of his powers, and currently has the magical capability of a toddler.”
“You didn’t have to rub it in, Faragonda,” Valtor grumbled. “This is humiliating enough as is.”
“You’ve slaughtered hundreds in your rampage through Magix, you can take a little bit of humiliation. I’d say it’s more than deserved,” Griselda made her cutting remark.
“I don’t recall anyone asking for your opinion,” Valtor shot back at the disciplinarian.
Faragonda sighed heavily, her shoulders sagging. “Anyways, since he’s now powerless, it’s safe to keep him here, under our watch. It’s a necessary measure to ensure he doesn’t regain his former strength. All of us have enough combined force to stop him, provided he doesn’t get back to full power.”
“Oh, you flatter me…”
“Don’t get me wrong, I can understand the logic behind this decision,” Palladium started slowly. “But… How in the name of magic is this going to work? Is someone going to be charged with his constant supervision? Or is he going to be restricted to only a few rooms?”
“A mix of both. He can wander the halls during free time and passing periods, but he has to remain in a classroom of my or his choosing during class. And on weekends, yes, one of you will be babysitting him. Some rooms will be enchanted to prevent his entry, such as the library and the storage rooms for your potion ingredients and such.”
“However this is going to work, you are going to need to give me a raise if you want me to go anywhere near him,” DuFour said.
Valtor cast her a peeved look in response to her snark.
“Now that the plan is clear, since classes are beginning shortly, do we have any volunteers for Valtor duty?”
“Come now, I’m not a child,” Valtor was getting noticeably more annoyed at the demeaning.
No one volunteered. Either they stayed dead silent, or straight up refused, which is understandable considering who it was they’re expected to watch. Eventually though, after no one else spoke up…
“I… suppose I can do it first, get the ball rolling,” Palladium raised his hand. “Maybe it could even spice up my lecture today…!”
No one laughed at Palladium’s attempt at a joke, instead looking at him like he was being sent to death row.
Valtor smiled slyly, wasting no time in going to the professor’s side. “Now we’re talking… How kind of you to accompany me.”
“Don’t push it,” Palladium said, chiding him as if he were one of his students. “I’m just doing what is necessary for all of our safety. I expect you to behave yourself in front of the children, it’s the least you can do.”
“Well I suppose, since you’re the one that’s asking,” Valtor replied.
“Professor Palladium is your supervisor, not your toy,” Faragonda warned him. “You’d better do what he tells you, otherwise I’ll leave you in the custody of someone a lot less amicable.”
“Yes yes, whatever you say Faragonda,” Valtor waved his hand dismissively as he walked out of the headmistress’ office with Palladium. “If you would, please, tell me more about what kind of class you teach…”
When the door closed, DuFour shook her head. “I do not envy him… I’m glad he’s the first to do it though, that takes some courage.”
“I’m a bit worried though,” Wizgiz chimed in. “Palladium is the youngest of us aside from Parker, and Valtor might try to take advantage of his inexperience, or naivete.”
“And he can be far too kind for his own good sometimes,” Avalon’s brows knit together anxiously. “Headmistress, are you positive this is a good idea?”
“What other decent option do we have?” Faragonda replied balefully. “If he simply goes to prison, he’ll be unmonitored, he’ll get bored… And when he gets bored, he’ll try to find an escape.”
“Besides, if he managed to escape from the Omega Dimension, who knows what other realms he can get out of?”
“Exactly. Whether this idea is good or bad is up for debate, but it’s the best option we have.”
“By the way, why isn’t Parker in attendance of this meeting?” Wizgiz asked. “I would think that matters pertaining to the school’s security would concern her as well.”
“Because if we invited her, she would have likely killed Valtor on sight,” Faragonda answered. “Or at best, would have caused a scuffle. Her animosity for that man is rivaled only by Griffin’s own hatred for him.”
“Why??”
“Magic only knows…” Faragonda muttered. “Parker is by far the bitterest witch I’ve ever met in all my years. And Griffin’s my ex.”
“Damn, fuckin’ rude. I mean yeah, everything else was accurate, but that last bit was uncalled for.”
Faragonda almost jumped at the sound of the voice of Alfea’s security guard. She looked around the room until she spotted Parker’s shadow looking at her with what vaguely appeared to be an angry expression.
“How long were you there?” Avalon gasped.
“Whole time.”
“No wonder we didn’t notice her, Parker finally shut up for once in her life,” DuFour crossed her arms, cracking a grin.
“First of all, fuck you, second of all, a warning would have been nice before you brought a war criminal on campus. Maybe like a sticky note or a text or some shit.”
“I’m sorry Parker,” Faragonda apologized. “I didn’t want to take any chances. You are quite the wildcard after all.”
“Whatever, I don’t care,” it was hard to tell because she was a shadow, but Faragonda could have sworn she was rolling her eyes. “I guess I won’t kill him, but I’ll still be keeping an eye on Valtor. I’ll see you later, coworkers of little faith.”
The silhouette disappeared from the office wall, turning back into the normal shadow the desk and the professors were casting.
“This is the first time I’ve actually felt better because Parker is around,” Griselda said under her breath. “If push comes to shove, clearly she has no issue with ending Valtor’s life.”
“Shall we be a little more optimistic about this arrangement? Valtor is now easier to manage, and who knows… Maybe he’ll even change his mind about a few things.”
“When trolls fly, I’d say.”
Sure, Valtor may not be able to hurt anyone now, but that doesn’t stop him from being a bother. Quite the opposite. Palladium was finding that out first hand.
“Ooh, so you’re a potions professor?” Valtor examined the elf’s cast iron cauldron, well-loved judging by its wear. “I’ve never been much for potions. Too unreliable, and far too unpredictable.”
“Unreliable— Hardly so! It takes some time and determination to master the art, but once you have it down-pat, potions can be your best friend, especially if you’re not in a position to do magic! Perhaps you’re only saying that because you’ve never had the patience for potion-brewing.”
“Aren’t you a cheeky thing?” Valtor said amusedly. He’d strolled away from the equipment and towards Palladium, placing both hands on his shoulders from behind, giving them a squeeze. “I thought you’d be frightened of me.”
“I’m frightened of a lot of things, Valtor. Snakes, demons and ghosts, going back to high school… An egotistical wizard is not one of them. I can defend myself against you just fine.”
“Mm, I’d love to duel you… Perhaps with swords, since my magic is gone. It should be a good spot of fun… ”
“Professor?? Valtor?!”
Palladium’s head whipped around to see who had spoken up. It must be his oh-so- lucky day, because it was Bloom that walked in.
“What the fuck is going on?!” she cried out.
“I promise you, it’s not what it looks like!” Palladium waved his hands desperately.
“Oh yes it is~” Valtor grinned kittenishly.
“Hush, you! Listen, his power is gone, and I am supervising him, only for everyone’s safety! We have no romantic relations whatsoever!”
Bloom’s face of righteous anger switched to one of more confused anger. “Romantic— I thought you were just working for him, but are you seriously having an affair with— With Valtor ?! He killed my parents!”
“I’m not having an affair with anyone!”
“Valtor said so himself!”
“Valtor is being an ass! Don’t listen— Oh get off me, you’re not helping!”
Valtor laughed heartily as Palladium practically shoved him away, his face hot and his pointed downturned ears reddening at the tips.
“As funny as this is, he is indeed telling the truth, child, we’re not involved like that,” Valtor calmed his laughter down enough to speak. “I’m being kept here while my powers are completely depleted, so Faragonda can keep an eye on me. So you’d better get used to it, because you’ll be seeing much more of me.”
“Good, ‘cause I’ll be watching you,” Bloom stared at the well-dressed, smug-looking wizard accusatorily. “And you’d better not hurt Professor Palladium! He might be boring sometimes, but if you do something to him, I swear the whole school’s gonna be on your ass like fire on kindling!”
“My students care about me?” Palladium’s voice cracked, his hand held to his heart.
“Yeah! I mean, you’re still really nice, and you tutor us whenever we need help.”
“Aww… Goodness, my heart can’t take this…!”
“Bottom line here Valtor, watch yourself. You take one step outta line…!”
“Shouldn’t you be sitting in your seat?” Valtor’s smug smile widened. “Class is starting after all!”
Bloom shot Valtor one last sharp look before dutifully sitting at her desk.
“You’re such a pest,” Palladium told the wizard. “Would it kill you to not be snide for one sentence?”
“I think it very well may, professor.”
“Oy vey…”
Valtor took a spot in an empty chair near the corner of the classroom while more students filed into the room. At his being-there, some looked alarmed, some looked confused, and others looked fascinated.
The bell rang to begin classes for the day, at the exact time the last few students scrambled into the classroom, not wanting to get another tardy on their record.
Palladium tried to be normal for all of two minutes before resignedly sighing and giving up on the fruitless endeavour. “Alright, I might as well address the elephant in the room. Quite literally.”
Palladium turned to face the curious class of girls. He used his arm to gesture to Valtor. “For those unaware, this is Valtor. As some might know, he was a very dangerous war criminal. He is here because his magic has been completely drained, and is safe for us to monitor while he’s here. He will not hurt anyone, me, the other professors, the headmistress, and Voidheart will make sure of that.”
That inspired whispers and chattering amongst the students, though no one said anything aloud. Part of them was afraid to speak up about the whole ordeal.
“Unfortunately, I cannot answer any questions about the situation at the moment, so if you would direct your queries to Headmistress Faragonda. For now, let’s get back to lessons. We’re studying poison potions and the cures for each of them. If you all could set your burners aside and take out your notebooks for the time being.”
Palladium taught his class, but not without some resistance. However, it wasn’t from the students. In fact, it was during that hour that he found out something about Valtor. What kind of secret did he learn? Well, he learned that Valtor, for all of his mystery and charisma, was the biggest know-it-all Palladium had seen in a long time.
Valtor had stayed relatively quiet during the potion-making portion, but during the prefacing lecture, he did nothing but obnoxiously correct the smallest mistakes and butt in to add details Palladium chose to leave out for the sake of time, since they were pretty pointless to include, especially for a basic class like this.
Palladium couldn’t even discern if he was doing it on purpose to undermine him, or if he was just that much of a stickler.
Palladium kept up a friendly smile as he waved goodbye to the students leaving to go to their next class. Then once the last girl exited, he shut the door, dropped his smile, and glared at Valtor.
“Would it kill you to at least pretend to respect me?”
Contrary to the potion professor’s assumptions, Valtor was caught off-guard by the charged question.
“I’m sorry? When have I ever said that I didn’t respect you?”
“Your actions today have shown me all I needed to know.”
“But I do respect you, potions is a complicated science, and I applaud you for mastering it so, and for having the patience for teaching these… children.”
“Oh but you couldn’t help yourself the moment arose to one-up me,” Palladium scoffed. “Constantly trying to correct me, shoving in useless facts that didn’t need to be included, speaking while I am trying to explain something, I swear, you’re worse than Stella!”
“I was just trying to make sure everything was correct,” Valtor said. “You know, I took a peek into that textbook of yours and saw that it was just riddled with errors and inaccuracies. It’d be a terrible shame if an intelligent man like you believed in such idiocy.”
“I don’t use the textbook for that very reason!” Palladium snapped. “Have you seen me open up that rag even once? Trust me, I’m well aware of how outdated that book is, I’m working on attaining one that’s more up-to-date. For now, I’m going off of my and other professors’ notes to make my lesson plans.”
“But there was also a lot you left out—”
“Because they’re completely pointless! And the class is only an hour long! This is a normal potionology class, meant to teach the basic knowledge of potionmaking! Those extraneous details are for people who care to delve more into the subject. Because of your meddling, we only had time for one attempt at brewing a poison cure.”
“O— Oh. I… see.”
It was hard to tell since Valtor kept his face neutral, but Palladium could tell he was the slightest bit embarrassed by Palladium’s admonishing.
“Just… For the next class, do not say a word. Don’t interrupt me, don’t try to ‘help’, just sit in your seat and— Read a book or something. You’re centuries old, you can keep yourself entertained.”
Valtor was… quiet after that. Like he was licking his wounds, or had his metaphorical tail between his legs. For years, he was always the smartest in the room, he knew all the things others didn’t. He was an expert in dozens of magic arts. But for once, he wasn’t the smartest in the room. Sure, he knew a good bit about certain ingredients and their effects, but Palladium had an entire degree in potionology, and he was a woodland elf. Alas, he had become the very person he despised. A mansplainer.
When he realized that, during Palladium’s next class, he let out a low groan.
The students and Palladium turned to him.
“Are…you alright? Do you need to go to the nurse? If you feel ill, I have some potions that can…”
“No, I’m fine,” Valtor responded to Palladium’s concern.
“If you say so… Anyways, back to the subject at hand…”
And so for the rest of classes until lunch, Valtor stewed in his shame, never before feeling this… humble . It was then that the true nature of his predicament had hit him. He was stuck in a school full of fairies with powerful magic, well-trained professors, and a homicidal security witch, all without having a lick of magic. He was completely at the mercy of the entire school.
“ What is this feeling in my stomach… Is it anxiety? No, stronger than that… Oh by the dragons… Is this fear ? How long has it been since I’ve felt fear? ”
“Valtor? Valtor?”
“Huh, what is it?”
Valtor was snapped out of his spiral by Palladium tapping his shoulder. The professor had something in his other hand. A plate with what Valtor assumed was today’s lunch.
“You’re probably starved, so I got you something to eat,” Palladium said. “That chair doesn’t have a table, so why don’t you come eat at my desk? You can pull up the chair and we can eat together.”
“S—Sure, sounds… fine.”
Valtor obediently pulled his chair up to the side of Palladium’s desk, and his plate was put in front of him, along with the proper utensils. Palladium sat down in his own chair, reaching down to get his lunch box, which appeared to be a sort of bento box.
“I know I’ve asked before, but really Valtor, are you feeling well?” Palladium asked. “You’re a lot less snarky all of a sudden. I do hope you’re not upset about my scolding of you earlier… I’m sorry if I was a bit harsh, but I stand by my words.”
“No no, it’s not that,” Valtor replied, taking a bite of the food presented to him. “I’m just not used to feeling so… subdued. I’m not used to people being smarter than me or more powerful than me. It’s a… new experience.”
“I’m sure you’ll get used to it,” Palladium meant that to be a tease, but coming out of his mouth, it sounded reassuring.
Valtor, after taking a few more bites, swallowed and said, “This isn’t very good, is it?”
Palladium chuckled. “Not terribly, no. That’s why I bring my own. I'm a pescatarian, so I’m not too keen on eating their chicken or beef.”
“I can see why… As someone who enjoys meat a good bit, this is not something I’d ever like to put in my mouth again unless I’m dying of starvation,” Valtor pushed his plate away from himself to emphasize his statement.
“Would…you like some of mine?” Palladium offered. “I’d hate for you to go hungry until supper, and I don’t have that big an appetite.”
“Oh please, I’m Valtor,” Valtor flipped his hair cockily. “I can feed myself, thank you very much. I can simply conjure—”
“With what magic?”
“…”
The way Valtor’s face blanked out made Palladium giggle, before he stifled it.
“N— No matter, I’ll find something else on my own. I do not need you to feed me.”
“And how will you find something else? That food was from the cafeteria, and that’s the only food available. Unless you’re planning on going to the kitchens and making yourself something?”
“Of course, how hard can cooking be?”
“Have— Have you never cooked before…?” Palladium’s fork hung in the air as he almost gaped at the wizard. How does a juggernaut of a man that has brought Magix to its knees, not cook anything in his life?!
“Like I said, it can’t be that hard of a feat if a bunch of children can do it,” Valtor scoffed.
“If you’d like to give it a try, be my guest, but s— surely you’ve operated a stove before, right?” Palladium asked. “Or an oven? Or a microwave at the very least!”
“What is a microwave?”
“Oh for the love of Nature’s Voice… Please tell me you know what the other two items are…”
“Of course! I’m not stupid. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cooking to do.”
“Wait— I’ll come with you, just to make sure everything goes alright! Kitchen equipment can be quite dangerous, and we don’t need you getting into the knives!”
“Please, I’m above such violent acts,” Valtor curled his lip. “I am not a brute. In addition, blood is such a pain in the arse to clean off, and in this outfit, it’ll be a complete eyesore. As for my safety, I’m the greatest wizard of all time, and a grown man. I can do things without a fussy elf looking over my shoulder like he’s one of my mothers.”
“Fussy elf…?! I’m not— Fussy!”
“Oh yes you are!” Valtor said with a laugh in his voice.
“I am not! I am just— Concerned for your well-being! Kitchen equipment can cause a pretty nasty fire! You can burn yourself, cut yourself, hit your head on a cabinet…” Palladium listed off all of the kitchen’s various hazards, counting on his fingers.
“I assure you, I’ll be just fine. Tell you what, if I don't come back in half an hour with a plate of food in hand, feel free to check on me. Not that that’ll happen of course…”
“If you insist…”
While Valtor was gone, Palladium finished his meal, put away his lunch box, and spruced up the classroom for the next set of students that would be coming in after lunch. He checked the clock ticking on the wall.
“Hm… It’s been 25 minutes and he’s still gone… To hell with it, I’m going to go see how he’s faring in the kitchen. He can call me fussy all he likes, I just can’t help but worry. Besides, better to be fussy than to be flippant about others’ safety.”
He left his classroom and headed in the direction of the kitchen. As he got closer, something piqued his sense of smell and his enhanced hearing. The distinct odor of smoke, and the faint sound of a crackling flame, as well as alarmed yelling.
“Goodness sake…!”
Palladium broke into a run, bursting into the kitchen, the source of the smoke and fire. Just as he predicted, a fire had broken out on the stove, coming from a tipped pan over the burner. The fire had spread to a few places, luckily it hadn’t overtaken the entire room. Valtor was desperately trying to throw cups of water at the fire.
“Stop it! Damn it all, why won’t you go out?!” he cried.
“Valtor, are you okay?” Palladium had to raise his voice over the volume of the fire.
“Pal— Palladium!” Valtor almost jumped at the sound of the professor’s voice. “Yes, everything is under control here! Just a minor combustion, I’ll have this out in no time at all! If I could only find out why the hell the water isn’t working! No matter how much I throw on, it’s not letting up! In fact, it seems to be getting worse!”
“Valtor, did you use cooking oil?!”
“Yes, why?”
“You can’t use water in an oil fire, you foolish man! Stinguo flamma!”
A mist of blue and white magic washed over the kitchen, the flames retreating and eventually fading into nothing, leaving slightly burnt surfaces and charred food.
Valtor heaved a heavy sigh of relief.
Palladium promptly went over to the oily pan and burner and snapped his fingers in a silent cleaning spell. The slick oil disappeared from the stove, and Palladium put the pan in the sink to be washed.
He turned back to face Valtor, his arms crossed and his lips pursed. Valtor knew what he was waiting for. So he sucked it up, abandoned his pride, and let out a groan.
“You were right, I should have let you help me.”
“Thank you. Now, are you positive that you’re uninjured?”
“Well…”
“Valtor…” Palladium said in a chiding tone.
Valtor, reluctantly, showed off his burned hand. It wasn’t burned too badly, but half of his hand was an angry red color that looked like it hurt.
“You said you were okay!”
“Yes I did, and I am. I do not need your assistance, the fire is out now, and unlike cooking, I actually do know how to perform first aid.”
“If you merely perform first aid, then that burn will hurt for days on end, not to mention the chance it might get infected… I have potions and salves that can cure it in a few hours. Come back with me to the potions lab, and I can get you some.”
“I suppose it couldn’t hurt to let you assist me a little bit more…” Valtor admitted begrudgingly. “I do not enjoy the idea of being stuck with this damned burn for weeks on end while I wait for it to heal… Out of all the times for my magic to be taken from me…”
“Well at least you’ve got me to heal you. Now come on, let’s go see if there are some potions that can help you.”
Palladium, careful not to irritate the burn, clasped Valtor by the arm and took him back to the potions lab, some of the students and teachers giving them odd looks as they rushed past. Once there, Palladium sat Valtor into his chair, and began rummaging through his cabinets, taking out neatly labeled glass bottles filled with liquids of various colors.
“Nope… That’s not going to help… Oh goodness, definitely not an ice potion… There’s also this one…” he muttered to himself, organizing his thoughts out loud while sorting through his many brews.
“Okay, I have a few that will help!” The elven professor took the three bottles in his arms and brought them to his desk, where the injured warlock was waiting. “This one is a healing potion, so drink this… This one is a weak cooling potion, we can dip your hand in that, and this last bottle is like a paste or an ointment to reduce skin irritation.”
While Palladium prepared the bowl of cooling liquid, Valtor popped the cork on the healing potion and drank in a few swift gulps. He cringed slightly at the bitter flavor.
“Tastes like black licorice…”
“I know, I’m sorry, that particular potion is made with anise,” Palladium said apologetically. “Everyone else hates it too… Besides Parker, oddly enough. She’s one of the few that actually likes black licorice.”
“Parker? Right, the void witch,” Valtor remembered. Then he snickered. “She’s like a chihuahua, always yipping and trying to act fierce. It’s cute in a way, how harmless she is to me. Like a kitten attempting to slay a lion.”
Palladium felt bad for laughing, and he tried to hold back, but he couldn’t help it. It really was true. His coworker, though she was a prodigy for her age, was also young, reckless, arrogant, and generally pissy. Safe to say that the chihuahua metaphor was not lost on the professor.
“Perhaps statements like that is why she despises you so.”
“Oh, I know it’s why she loathes me. But what’s she going to do about it? Hit me?”
“Maybe…!”
Palladium had finished preparing the cooling bath for Valtor’s hand, and carefully put the extremity in the large bowl of liquid, rolling up Valtor’s long sleeve beforehand.
“How does it feel? Do I need to dilute it at all?” Palladium asked.
“No, it’s perfect, love.”
“I— I beg your pardon…??”
Valtor seemed to realize what he had said, and cleared his throat awkwardly. “Force— Force of habit. I didn’t mean—”
“No no it’s okay, I understand, I just… Wanted to make sure I wasn’t hearing things…”
They sat in silence for a moment while Valtor’s hand soaked in the potion.
“You know, you don’t need to stay here all day,” Palladium spoke up. “I know it must be pretty dull to listen to the same lesson over and over again… You can always go to another classroom, that is if the professor of that class is willing to let you in.”
“No, I’d rather stay here if it’s all the same to you,” Valtor replied with a light shake of his head. “I’d wager you’re the only one here who’s willing to even get near me, much less care for me like you have today. Perhaps when they get more accustomed to my presence, if there even is a “when”...”
“I’m sure they’ll come around one of these days, but really, if you’re bored, I can probably convince Avalon to let you—”
“Sorry, let me rephrase. I’m not bored, and I don’t want to leave. I’d much rather be around someone compassionate and charming than someone who cannot stand me, even if it means unwittingly memorizing every single poison cure in the magical world,” Valtor twirled his hand, punctuating his sentence.
“You…think I’m charming…?” Palladium asked softly, unbelievingly.
“How can I not?”
“Oh… Well that’s…nice to know… Thank you…”
“ Yes, it’s incredibly advantageous to get on the good side of one of the professors, I’m glad I made the effort, ” Valtor thought. “ All so I can eventually get my powers back. But until then, I can play the long game. Long games are the most fun. S— Surely that’s the only reason I’m endearing myself to Palladium? No other reason whatsoever. None at all. After all, love is a foolish pursuit, a waste of time.
…right? ”