Work Text:
He was in love with Jacaerys Strong. They had met at the beginning of the school year. Jacaerys had always belonged to this club, but Cregan was only there out of obligation. His mother, who was the principal, had forced him to join theater due to his bad grades.
Jacaerys had helped him a lot to adapt, and over these past few months, they had become closer... too close—so close that Cregan could barely breathe when he saw him. He stared at his phone screen, unsure whether to delete that message. Why had he sent it in the first place?
Of course, he knew. At first, he was just curious about the boy. His expressions while acting. His intelligence when writing scripts. The way his eyes crinkled every time he laughed. The way his curls bounced when he laughed. His booming laughter echoing through every corner of the theater. His strange but friendly personality. And his stupid green eyes that looked at him with a blinding glow, as if they said, “everything will be okay.”
He was only 18 years old and now he was in love with a pair of eyes that probably would never see him. He hadn’t fallen all at once. He was confused during the first few days. He didn’t know what to do... and had no one to ask. So he had to deal with his thoughts all on his own.
He thought his feelings would fade if he ignored them... but they only grew, to the point where just breathing near Jace hurt. He had no choice but to accept it—but no one told him that what came next would be worse: the need.
The need to see him every day, to be near him. The need for those eyes to only look at him. The need for Jacaerys to love him back. The need to love him freely.
He soon discovered that accepting his feelings was more painful than ignoring them, because dark thoughts tormented his mind.
“Jacaerys is just a friend”
“Of course he doesn’t feel the same”
“He’s an honor student—why would he notice someone like me when he has so many better options?”
But he learned to settle. To settle for a kind smile. For a brush of hands. For being called “class partner,” even though his heart ached to be called something else. He was content—until the day Jacaerys rested his head on his shoulder unintentionally.
A gesture that meant everything to Cregan. His skin burned at the contact and his heart started running a marathon he knew he wouldn’t win.
And he knew it for sure when he saw him talking to that girl, Baela. They laughed like it was the end of the world. She touched his hands, his shoulders, and he... let her.
It was jealousy. Quiet and uncontrollable. That day, he locked himself in the school bathroom and cried, feeling too overwhelmed to hide.
And now, he simply couldn’t hide anymore. Especially not when he would soon return north to start university, just as he had promised his father.
His mother was in the kitchen when he came downstairs. His parents had divorced fifteen years ago. His father, Rickon Stark, had remarried shortly after, and they had moved south not long after the wedding. His mother was a rather lonely woman—she never remarried and had devoted herself to raising him. The thought of disappointing her hurt.
Cregan stepped into the kitchen and pretended to open the fridge to grab a bottle and take a sip of water.
It was like carrying a rock on his chest, day after day, night after night. It was no longer just a secret. It was pain. An open wound that only deepened.
He was nervous. He didn’t know what his mother would think of him. But even so, he gathered a bit of courage and got straight to the point. Whatever happened, he would soon go north, and everything that happened in the south... would stay in the south.
-- Mom… -- he began, placing the bottle on the table and shoving his hands into his pockets.
She turned to look at him with a calm smile.
-- Tell me, honey.
-- I have to tell you something. Just listen... even if you don’t quite understand it.
She stopped what she was doing and sat at the table. With a serious expression, she motioned for him to sit down, and Cregan did.
-- I like someone. -- he licked his lips before continuing -- And… it’s a boy.
She didn’t blink. She just looked at him. And then, slowly, she took his hands.
-- Is that what’s had you so quiet lately?
He nodded, and she smiled.
-- Creg -- she said, smiling and squeezing his hands -- I’ve loved you since you were a little baby, and nothing is going to change that, no matter who you love. I will keep loving you until the end of my days.
The tears came without permission. He now felt relieved. His mother loved him and wasn’t disappointed.
-- You’re not mad? -- he asked between sobs. She stood and went to hug him. Suddenly, the boy was just a crying child again, like years ago.
-- Of course not. If you're happy, then so am I. You don’t have to be afraid of being who you are.
-- Thank you, Mom -- he whispered into the hug.
Cregan, for the first time in a long time, felt that everything would be okay.
The next day, he had sent Jacaerys a message to meet in the theater room at school. Now that his mother had accepted him, he felt invincible.
When he arrived, Jacaerys was there—just as beautiful as always. They talked about a few things before falling silent.
Cregan took a deep breath before speaking.
-- I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while -- his voice came out lower than he expected, more of a whisper that Jacaerys had to lean in to hear -- But I admit I’ve been confused and I’m scared. Scared of losing this... whatever this is.
It felt stupid to even mention it. They weren’t even friends—because of that, he didn’t even dare look at Jacaerys’ expression.
-- Scared you’ll hate me.
Jacaerys said nothing, but Cregan had his full attention.
-- I like you.
He said it plainly. The silence that followed was eternal. Jacaerys took a step back.
-- What did you say? -- Jacaerys asked. He didn’t sound angry or disgusted—he seemed more confused than anything.
Cregan finally dared to lift his gaze. His eyes were brimming with tears. He felt humiliated and rejected.
-- I like you... a lot. And I don’t know if I’m gay or bi or... Jacasexual. I just know that not saying it is killing me.
Jacaerys stared at him, scanning him with his eyes. For a moment, Cregan thought he’d get punched or insulted. But then Jace burst out laughing.
Well, that was humiliating. And what came next was worse.
-- That’s all? -- he asked between laughs.
-- All? -- Cregan replied, ready to let his tears fall. What a humiliation.
But then, Jace smiled. A sincere smile. He stepped forward, cupped Cregan’s cheeks in his hands, and slowly leaned in to leave a kiss on his lips. Just a soft touch, like a caress.
-- Yes. Because I’ve also been waiting for you to give me some sign that you felt the same. I stayed quiet earlier because I didn't want to scare you off. But I like you too.
And in that moment, in that theater room, under the dim light, for the first time in weeks, the cold in Cregan’s chest turned into something else: warmth.