Chapter Text
After dinner, Harry found solace in the attic with Buckbeak, the creature’s large head resting on his lap. The boy had no clue how much time had passed since his retreat when the door finally creaked open. He braced.
“Oh good, I figured you’d be up here. I told Molly I was letting you have a soak in the bath so they wouldn’t start looking for you just yet.”
Harry nodded dumbly as Buckbeak shuffled up to greet his rider. Sirius set down a pot of kitchen scraps and scratched at the beast’s feathery neck.
“I’m sorry you can’t be free buddy,” Sirius muttered to the hippogriff, “I get it, I do. One day we can both be free, yeah?”
Harry huffed from his corner. Finally, Sirius looked at him.
“You mind if I join you? ‘Ts alright if you do.”
The boy shrugged and shook his head. His godfather smirked and walked to the opposite corner. When he turned back to the moping teen, he held a bottle of firewhiskey and a short glass. The two sat in the darkest corner of the attic in blessed silence.
“If I had my wand, I’d make this place a bit more interesting.”
“You don’t have a wand?”
“Dung got me a placeholder, but nah, my wand was snapped back then.” He twirled the stranger’s wand in his hand. “Just not the same.”
“Oh… What changes would you make?”
“I used to turn the ceiling into a night sky; do some stargazing.” His head thumped against the wall.
“Like the great hall?”
Sirius huffed a short laugh, “Smaller, but yeah.”
“Wow, I wish I knew something fun like that. I think I’d like to– just, I’m either at the Dursley’s or trying to survive another year at Hogwarts. I don’t have the time I guess.”
“Do you struggle in your classes?” The marauder sounded surprised.
“Not really. Potions, yeah, but I think Snape just hates me…” Harry stared at his hands and picked at his nail.
“Git.”
“Hah! Yeah.”
“So… what are you surviving? I mean, I understand last year was…” Harry was glad that he stopped at that.
“Yeah, last year was the tournament. Before that the dementors, then the Chamber of Secr–”
“The Chamber of Secrets?!” Sirius sat up suddenly and stared at him with wide eyes, “What the fuck happened with the Chamber of bloody Secrets?”
“Erm, it was opened?”
“HOW?!”
“Technically Ginny, but don’t bring that up! It wasn’t her fault, she was possessed by Tom Riddle, who is Voldemort by the way, he was draining her life. So, Ron and I went to help her, but Lockhart tried to obliviate us. And then Tom called the basilisk out–” Sirius made a sound like a deflated balloon. “ – and then Fawkes brought the Sorting Hat with the Sword of Gryffindor and it was all okay in the end.”
Sirius’ jaw was slack and face pale. “Oh yeah? That’s all? ‘It was all okay in the end” A sarcastic laugh. Harry, apparently oblivious to how a (more) normal person might receive such news, carried on, “Well first year was pretty crazy too– Actually– No, not really. No one else got hurt.”
“Oh yeah? What was one of your teachers ousted as a vampire then?” Again, the boy failed to see the distress on his godfather’s face.
“No. He had Voldemort living on the back of his head,” Harry answered the sarcasm with only the most outlandish sentence ever spoken, but he again did not see his godfather’s everchanging expression. He stared at the far wall, unseeing and scrunched his face. “I think–” he swallowed hard, “I think I killed him.” He flexed his hands over his legs.
The two sat in silence as the boy frowned at his lap and his godfather failed to grasp any concrete thoughts. He watched in shocked silence as the boy raised his head only to once again refuse to meet his gaze.
“I didn’t mean to.” He sounded like a child. “Or at least I didn’t want to! Its just, he was going to kill me to get the stone and if I touched him he’d let go and– “
“Harry,” Sirius spoke with an authority Harry had never heard from the man, “I am in no way disappointed or upset if you had anything to do with that- that thing’s death. But I am growing increasingly disturbed by your casual recounting of life or death circumstances as if they are normal.” He reached over and rested his hand on the boy’s shaking fingers. “Now I understand if you’d rather not, especially after the day you had, but I think you need to tell me exactly what’s been happening to you. Because whoever has supposedly been taking care of you these last few years will be meeting the business end of my shitty second hand wand.”
Harry’s brain stalled, unsure what to say. He’d never seen such a powerful air about the once frail man. The man before him was not the one who had been in Azkaban for 13 years. This was the man who had fought on the front lines of the first war, the one who had been raised in this dark house, the heir of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black: Sirius Black.
____
Amidst the silence of their stare down, the two heard footsteps coming up the attic stairs. Harry looked away. The door creaked open yet again; Professor Lupin poked his head in slowly.
“Oh good, Molly is becoming increasingly worried by the length of Harry’s bath. However, I see that that is no concern. But you might want to wrap things up before the calvary arrive,” Remus spoke with a fake lightness. Harry watched his eyes bore into Sirius’ as if trying to parse together what might have been said.
“I promise I’ll tell you everything, Padfoot. Maybe we can spend tomorrow catching up?” Harry pushed off the dusty floor. Sirius broke away from his wordless communication with Moony to stand up as well.
“I’d love that pup. I’ll show you where my room is, and I know Molly has you bunked with Ron but if you’d like a room of your own just let me know, okay?”
Harry smiled softly and nodded.
“And if you need me, no matter the time,” Sirius was looking hard into his eye,” I will be in here, my room, or the kitchen. I mean it: no matter what, no matter the time. You can come find me, Harry.”
____
Sirius and Remus were the last two awake and sat shrouded in what was unspoken at the kitchen table. Sirius was disturbed by what he had learned about his godson’s life. Remus was disturbed by the fact Sirius had made them tea. After all their years together, and especially since moving into the old Black residence, Sirius ended (and sometimes began) every day with a stiff drink. Remus couldn’t imagine what had happened earlier and he was about to vibrate out of his skin not knowing. He cleared his throat.
Sirius continued staring into his tea. He hadn’t taken a sip.
“Padfoot?”
“Hmm.”
“Did Harry say something? Something that upset you?”
“Ha!” the man barked out a hard laugh, “Upset! He! He talked– he said– “ the man looked into the smoldering fire. “He told me he hasn’t gotten to learn any fun spells because he has been too busy trying not to die! And– and! He was worried that I was mad at him for killing a teacher with Voldemort on their skull, who was actively trying to kill him! In his first year! He– he was eleven. And he– he–” Remus watched as the man’s eyes filled with tears. “He’s just a kid, Moony, and I’ve got the feeling he’s never gotten to live like one. And that– That was exactly what James needed me to be doing for him all these years. I’ve failed them both Remus.”
He looked up into the werewolf’s eyes with a fire that hadn’t been there in many years. “Now’s my chance. Our boy needs us, Remus, and I’ll be damned if anyone gets in my way.”