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"I'm going to do it...I'm going to do it for freedom."
"You're an idiot, punk."
"I'm going to do it for American Pie. Truth. Justice. The American Way," Steve nodded as he stood on a ledge only wide enough for his feet, up at least forty feet in the air.
"Steve. If you do this, I will cram my entire metal fist up your idiotic ass," Bucky grumbled.
Darcy paused thinking about it for a second. She shook her head. Surely she shouldn't be making her toys that kinky.
"Make it a few fingers and he'll be onboard, Ice Ice Baby," Tony flew by in the suit, making Steve sway back and forth on the ledge.
"Steve, don't do it! You can't fly!" Pigeon Face called out from another perch where he was securely (taped) strapped in.
"You can't either Hawkass!" Tony reminded him, zooming by and not even swaying him.
"I can, cause I'm a super suave mother fucker who gets to touch Natasha's dittles," Sam swooped by Clint, kicking him on the ass.
"I'm going to do it for Mother Russia."
Darcy froze and turned to where the voice came from. Sure enough, Natasha was holding her toy figure that Darcy had imported from Japan. Darcy had the whole set of Avengers in chibi toy form on her desk. For decorational purposes only. Not to pass the time during times when the computer was busy doing processing for her. Certainly not to pass the time when her conference call with the SHIELD purchasing department was on mute. As it currently was. At that moment.
Natasha playfully walked her tiny, adorable, figurine, just a little bigger than a thimble, with shocking red hair and an adorable chibi face. Toy Natasha approached where Steve was on the ledge that was actually Darcy's computer monitor, where he watched over her all day while she toiled in the land of being the Stark and SHIELD scientific research manager.
"No Natasha!" Darcy evoked a grumbly, angry voice as she had her tiny Bucky toy rushing out onto the ledge to protect his Stevie.
"Now you can never steal my Darcy away again for your stupid dates and stupid threesome sex!" Natasha cackled, kicking the toy version of Steve off the monitor.
"I will always love you Bucky and Darcy!" Darcy called out dramatically in her best Steve voice, which really didn't sound very much different than her Bucky voice. Darcy poked at her Captain America toy with her pen. “Uhhhh...don't ever replace me...."
"Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve!" Darcy called out in her Bucky voice.
"JOIN YOUR PRECIOUS STEVE IN THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL!" Natasha cackled again, pushing the Bucky figurine off the monitor as well. "Darcy shall be all mine!"
"Not again!" toy Bucky shouted angrily.
"MY LOVES!" Darcy cooed, bringing out her own personalized lego toy that Natasha had gotten her for Valentine's day. "If only I had someone to help me through the pain of losing you."
Natasha nearly giggled as she had the Sam figurine pick her up and fly her gracefully down to where Lego Darcy lamented the loss of the supersoldiers.
"I heard you like threesomes, cutie," Natasha did her best deep bass Sam impersonation.
"I will never love again without my super soldiers. But still, a girl has needs. Hubba hubba," Lego Darcy danced around before waddling off with the toy versions of Sam and Natasha.
"THAT, was fun," real Darcy laughed. "Let's have Steve fall from the ceiling next time."
"Ahem."
Natasha smirked at Darcy as the girl turned lily white, then slowly, turned very very very red.
"How long have they been there and why didn't you tell me?" Darcy hissed at Natasha.
"They came in with me. And I thought this was much more interesting," Natasha pointedly smirked at Bucky and Steve in the doorway before she let the toy version of herself stomp on their toys on Darcy's desk.
"Darcy?" Steve questioned, as the girl slowly went boneless and slid from her seat so that she was completely hiding underneath her desk. "Sweetheart, it's okay."
"Screw you, Steve! I'm going to kill your toy version in so many interesting ways now!" Darcy squeaked out in mortification.
"I---we---there's a," Steve huffed out, unable to get words out of his mouth. Natasha had told them Darcy had liked them. THEM, plural. He and Bucky had been coveting her for months, but had resigned themselves to the fact that it would never be reciprocated. After all, how did you ask a woman to date the both of them? Natasha had told them to give her half an hour of their time after the mission and they would owe her everything.
"You have mush where your mouth should be, punk," Bucky grumbled, grabbing Steve by the shoulder and walking him forcefully towards Darcy's desk.
She saw their feet from her hiding space and brought her hand out into the light, holding her lego figurine so that it looked up at them.
"Darcy's not home right now, she died of embarrassment."
Natasha chuckled before reaching out and grabbing the Steve and Bucky figurines and tossing them to the boys. They smiled before bending down to have all three toys facing each other.
"Punk's not so great with words, doll," toy Bucky advised toy Darcy. "What he means to say is that you're the prettiest and sweetest damned lady we've had the pleasure of meeting in a long time. And we really would like to take you out to a picture."
"Yeah," toy Steve jumped up and down in his version of nodding. "Dinner? Tonight at our place?"
"Okay," Lego Darcy said softly.
Toy Natasha slunk onto the chair and up to the other toys.
"What do you say boys?" she asked.
"Thanks, Nat," they chorused, their voices tinged with boy-like giggles.
"Okay, now leave, I'm going to make out with your girl before you steal her away from me," Natasha nodded, allowing her toy to tackle Darcy's, making very unusual kissing noises.
"Uhmmm," Sammy came into Darcy's office, fresh from his post mission shower, to see Captain America, the Winter Soldier and the Black Widow all on their knees next to Darcy's desk chair, playing with themselves. Well, toy versions of themselves.
"Hubba hubba," Darcy's voice echoed from under the desk.
"Kinky ass shit goes down in this damned facility, I swear."