Archive of Our Own

“Pick up… pick up… pick up… pick up… pick up… where are you already?” Squinting at the screen as she hit redial for the fourth time Jay brought her other hand to her face in yet another failed attempt at blocking the suns unrelenting glare.

"This doesn't look like any tropical paradise I ever heard of,” she muttered outloud, her fingers tapping along the edge of her phone. If Diego was ignoring her it was past being funny. If he wasn't ignoring her… well lets just say she preferred the first option.

It took three more tries to get through. By the time he finally answered she'd switched to pacing up and down the pavement, hardly noticing the other pedestrians as she switched directions yet again.

“Jay?”

She almost dropped the phone. Degos confused voice had never been so welcome - though her initial flare of relief faded as she realised there were other voices in the background… and was he shushing someone? She tried masking her unease with flippant humour but couldn't keep the stressed edge from her tone. “Who else is going to be calling you from this number, dumbass?”

Instead of firing back a similarly toned retort as he usually would, Diego held a brief hushed conversation before shushing whoever he was talking to once more.

When he addressed her again his voice was full of forced false cheer that made the back of her teeth itch. “Hey Jay, I'm going to text you an address. Grab a taxi and I'll pay when you get here.” There was more rustling as though he fumbled the phone or someone tried to take it from him.

“Can't you just meet me here?”

The major ‘I know something I'm not telling you’ vibes coming from her best friend had her freaking out more than she’d been before he answered the call - which was an achievement she could have done without.

After a long pause with more muffled muttering he spoke again, having the decency to sound apologetic this time. “No. It's probably best if you come here. I'm sending that message now. See you in a bit.” The line went dead.

“Well…” Jay ignored the sharp looks as she came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the pavement. “That's not ominous at all.”

When her phone pinged a couple of minutes later she almost ignored it, but with no money - or anything other than her phone - she was decidedly lacking in options... and answers.

With a none too quiet curse she clicked on the message, barely managing not to roll her eyes when it contained an unknown address and little else. No explanation, just unhelpful words repeating that he'd pay when she got there. Is he in trouble? Who's with him?

“What is it? Confuse the crap out of Jay day?” She muttered as she flagged down a cab and climbed into the back.

There was something distinctly off about the whole situation. More off than 'the last thing I remember I was on a plane' kind of thing. Ten minutes ago she’d thought that would be hard to beat, now she was seriously reconsidering.

Diego never had been any good at keeping secrets from her, which was why he'd put the phone down so fast. Damnit Diego… Reluctantly abandoning the urge to text back and demand answers he wouldn't give she screwed her eyes shut and hoped he'd be more helpful in person.

Why can't I remember?

She spent the next few minutes counting and holding breaths as her pulse pounded in her temples and the taxi crept its way across town at a pace she might have been able to beat on foot.

It wasn't working. Why wasn't it working? Great now she was stressing about not being able to calm down.

She switched to digging teeth into the edge of her thumb, the fingers of her other hand seeking out a tattered thread from her shirt, twisting it around her fingertip until circulation threatened to cut off - then unwinding it and repeating the action with a different finger.

Continuing to count supposedly calming breaths she dropped the side of her head against the window and stared unfocused as the scenery changed from built-up town to suburbs with open green areas that would have been calming under pretty much any other circumstance. Instead she barely noticed the crescent indents digging into her palm as she tried to ignore the cold ball of apprehension lodged firmly under her breastbone. Diego you had better be in some kind of trouble, otherwise I'm going to kill you for this stupid cloak and dagger stunt!

The cab slowed and made a wide turn onto a street that could have belonged to any number of city suburbs before pulling over outside a low wooden house. Barely waiting for it to stop Jay scrabbled for the handle, desperate to get out of the confined space and hopefully get some answers, some painkillers, some air, and…. She dropped to a crouch the moment her feet hit the pavement, hands seeking purchase on warm flagstones as her hair fell forwards to temporarily cocoon her in her own private world.

She didn't notice the group waiting outside the house or when someone who wasn't Diego came over and paid the driver. She didn't see him reach a hand out as the cab drove away or stop just short of actually touching her, his arm falling back to his side as she gasped for air in front of him. Didn't notice his face crease with concern as he took a small step back.

Eventually she managed to force her breathing into something resembling normal, though the cold ball remained insistent and solid in her chest.

Something wasn't right. Something else.

She raised her face towards the house, her insides twisting again as she fought not to deposit the contents of her stomach directly onto the street. By the door stood a large group, an air of expectation surrounding them as every single one of them stared in her direction. At first glance they reminded her of the people from the plane. No scratch that, they were most definitely the people from the plane. That was Sean Gayle and his noisy friend Craig. Why on earth would Diego be with those guys?

I guess the plane bit wasn't a dream then. Maybe I was ill and missed the holiday? That might explain why she ddin't remember. It didn't explain how she got to that street though, or why they were all here.

Pushing up from the pavement -her legs a little more unsteady than she'd like - she ducked her head to allow the swathe of waist length hair to fall back around her; a protective barrier against their unwelcome stares as she searched the group for her suspiciously absent best friend. If she didn't get answers soon she might actually scream, or cry, or something equally humiliating and this group were the last lot she wanted to lose her cool around.

That uncomfortable itch prickled between her shoulder blades before she'd taken more than a handful of steps. She stopped, suddenly certain the group weren't the only ones watching.

The gap in her hair provided a clear strip of vision as she turned back towards the curb. There it framed a familiar looking long haired man in black, hands shoved deep into denim pockets as his eyes locked with hers. Her forehead creased into a frown - The last time she'd seen that face his hair had been a lot shorter, strands falling forwards as he yelled at her to get sat down.

Maybe I hit my head because there's no way that can be the pilot. Except it was, because why would anything today go as expected? Why was he here? And why was he looking at her like… that?

Belatedly she realised he must have paid for the cab and she'd completely missed hs presence next to her since. He made no attempt to move or look away, a strange dichotomy of familiar arrogance and uncertainty as his eyes stared unflinchingly into hers.

The moment shattered as Diego finally appeared beside her, his hand on her shoulder giving her the presence of mind to move again.

Thrown by the unexpected greeting party her words came out harsher than she intended. “Diego, what's going on? What's with everyone? And what's the pilot doing here?" She almost sneered the last bit in his direction, irritated at the butterflies that formed in the pit of her stomach when she remembered the instant attraction she’d felt on the plane. Attraction that lasted until he opened his mouth and gave her that infuriating nickname. Scrap that. There was no way she was attracted to the arrogant pilot - no matter what acrobatics her insides were trying to perform. Whoever described this feeling as butterflies needed a reality check, it was closer to two vultures circling as they got ready to fight over scraps.

With some difficulty she dragged her attention back to Diego, determined to ignore Mr. ‘I give nicknames to people who annoy me.’

"It's kind of his house"

Oh. Well that answered everything and nothing. The guy in question tensed at her words, his face turning expressionless as barriers slammed down over his eyes. Spinning on his heel he headed for the house, leaving the door to slam closed behind him. Still as arrogant as ever apparently she thought at his no longer visible back.

Exchanging indecipherable glances the others followed without a word. That left her alone with Diego - something she'd have been happier about if he didn't seem more uncomfortable than pleased to see her.

Nothing about today made any sense and her words tumbled out in a confused tangle. “Are you okay? Why did you have me get a cab here? Why are they here? Why are you here?” She rubbed the edge of her thumb down the bridge of her nose and squinted at him in frustration.

Diego cast a nervous glance towards the house as though hoping someone else would answer her questions and it took far more effort than she liked to force calm into her next words.

“Look. I've no idea what's going on. If you've made some new friends that's fine - though I thought you had better taste. I just want some answers, sleep, a lot of alcohol and this blasted headache to go away. Maybe not in that order.” Her voice turned pleading. “Can we go back to yours so I can sleep for like a week? Please.”

With a final furtive glance between her and the house Diego seemed to give up on the idea of someone else rescuing him; caution oozing from his hesitant words. “We were all here when you rang. They wanted to see that you were… alright.”

Jay frowned at his pause, irritation surging at his continued evasiveness. “They? Why were you with them? Wasn't it Craig who made your life miserable last semester?”

He gave a helpless shrug, clearly uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going. “Maybe, but things… changed. Lots of things changed Jay. They’re worried about you. You don't remember?”

A cold chill trickled down her spine. What didn't she remember? Everything was fine until that island. What happened? and why did it involve everyone here? The only person missing from the flight seemed to be the perky tour guide - and if she turned up too it might be time to find a bar and start some serious drinking - provided Diego would lend her some cash… Damnit. Back to square one.

Trying to hide the fear his expectant question evoked, her words turned defensive once more.

"What? You trying to say I'm suddenly best buds with everyone in there or something?” She jerked her head, unable to help the snort that escaped as she saw curtains twitch out of the corner of her eye, a couple of faces pressing themselves up against the glass.

“I think I would remember that. Have you actually looked at them? I'm surprised anyone managed to get them together in the same room without killing each other."

“A lot happened." Diego turned imploring eyes on her as though he could make her understand by that statement alone.

“You're telling me…” Jay let out a huff of frustration. This conversion was doing nothing for her headache. Actually it was. It was making it ten times worse, which was something she could really do without. "A lot has to have happened if you expect me to believe I voluntarily shared the same air space as Mr 'Thinks he's Gods-Gift' over there."

Diego visibly winced at the sharpness of her words. "Go easy on him Jay, Please. You guys really are… friends.” He looked increasingly worried, twisting the ring over and over on his right hand as his eyes flicked back to the house. “I think there's a lot you need to know..."

Not liking this habit of selective pauses Diego seemed to have picked up Jay jammed her hands deep into her pockets, unwittingly mirroring the pilots earlier pose.

“No promises.” Her nose creased at the thought of having to spend more time with any of them, let alone the arrogant pilot. Scratch that, especially the pilot, him and the wounded expression she was convinced she must have misread outside the house.

Diego finally ran out of patience, not bothering to hide the anger or bitterness in his voice. “You know what - Do what you want.” Throwing his arms in the air he stormed off after the others, barely managing not to slam the door in his wake.

Jay hugged her arms to her chest as she ducked her head again. Way to go. You managed to annoy the only friend you've got. She aimed an overly enthusiastic kick at the path and winced. Follow everyone inside or stay out here on the driveway. Tough choice. Sticking around seems like the only way I’m getting any answers though… and it's not like I've anywhere else to go.

Keeping her head ducked she forced one foot in front of the other, her defensive curtain of hair between her and the faces that still watched from the window.

Trying to ignore the wave of apprehension that bombarded her as she opened the door she took a hesitant step into a thankfully darkened living room. One that would have been spacious if it wasn't for eleven bodies squeezed inside it. Eleven faces that turned to stare as the door closed.

Silent tension emanated from every corner of the room. To be fair it had been there since she stepped out of the cab but now it reached almost unbearable levels. She wanted to snap at them to stop looking but bit her tongue - What if they kicked her out and Diego stayed? He seemed awfully comfortable here - more comfortable than with her right now...

Not moving any further into the room she stared back through her wall of hair, thankful for the degree of comfort and security if provided. She hadn't exaggerated her surprise to Diego - this varied bunch were not ones she’d have pictured voluntarily spending any time together.

The popular girl with the picture perfect makeup, the quarterback who told everyone else what to do - even off the pitch, the guy who thought he was funny but didn't notice when his jokes came at someone else's expense, the stoner party animal, the moody one, scratch that two moody ones, her eyes fell on Alisteir - make that three. Think we're full up on that stereotype thanks.

Grace the quiet intelligent one, Quinn… her gaze softened. Quinn might just be one of those rare kind souls. Maybe they could have been friends, though she wasn't sure the ethereal girl would actually want to be friends with her. With that thought her eyes fell on Diego, trying to work out where her best friend fit into the mix.

Then there was the pilot, he wasn't even from Hartfeld, why was he still around and why were they at his house? She stared too long, her hair parting enough to leave her caught in his now guarded gaze. Jerking her head she snapped her eyes back to the floor.

I'm sick of feeling like a circus attraction. I need to get somewhere they’re not staring at me. Twisting the ends of her hair between her fingers she tried to come up with a valid reason to leave the room.

Clutching at the first plausible idea that struck she addressed her next words to the room, unable to bring herself to ask the pilot. Though she should have realised she couldn't avoid him, it was his house after all.

"Look. It was a long journey and I have no idea when I last showered. Any chance I can get cleaned up somewhere?" Please say yes. Then hopefully I can get my head sorted before I have to deal with any more of this.

All eyes turned to Jake who eyed her warily as he got to his feet and held out an arm towards a small hall. Why did it have to be his house? If he calls me that condescending nickname I might actually scream.

She followed down the hall and through a door at the far end, taking a couple of steps into the sparsely decorated room. She knew it was his without having to ask. It was too lived in for a spare room but strangely empty of personal belongings. Though the living room had been pretty empty too.

Eyeing him curiously she fought back the heat that ignited once more as he met her gaze with a searching one that seemed to see far too much. No, not good. No thinking about the Pilot.

In her haste to break eye contact her eyes darted away to the left. That wasn't any better, now she’d gone from staring at him to staring at his bed. Could the floor please open up and swallow me?

“There's a bathroom through there you can use.” Jake let out an embarrassed cough as though his thoughts followed hers. He pointed to a door that led off the room, dislodging his bobble as he dragged his other hand through his hair.

He’d meant to show her where the bathroom was and leave He really had. It's not like she hadn't made it obvious his very presence offended her, but he never imagined she'd walk into the middle of his room and stand there as though she belonged. Shit.

Realising he was staring he closed his eyes and took a step backwards towards the door, banging into a chair he really should have known was there. Letting out a curse he opened his eyes and locked with hers in the mirror. Once he did, he was the one trapped.

Being alone with her again like this was torture. He wanted to reach out and touch her, to reassure himself she was real; that she was actually here, all while hating that she made him feel he wasn't worthy of her time. He knew he wasn't, but this was the first time she'd ever made him feel that way. She was the one person in this whole stupid world he'd trust unconditionally to have his back… but now?

You were gone Princess. I felt you disappear. Why are you back now? And why don't you remember me?

Jay turned from the mirror to face him, her arms spread in a sarcastic, mocking pose as she gave him a critical once over. “Like what you see Top Gun?"

"…Princess… I …?"

Her eyes narrowed as he reached a nervous hand to scratch the back of his neck. No flippant response, no macho posturing like she expected. Just the barely disguised longing that was back as he slowly ran his eyes over her as though trying to commit every every feature to memory.

Her stance softened, becoming uncertain rather than challenging, her arms falling back to her sides as she allowed herself to really look at him for the first time. His hands were defensively shoved back in his pockets now he’d stopped running them through his hair. His shoulders slumped as he continued to stare in miserable silence, wary eyes no longer enough to mask the pain behind them.

She caught her bottom lip between her teeth, trying to work out why she was staring back instead of dismissing him and heading into the bathroom. She wanted space didn't she? So why did she have this urge to wrap her arms around him and not let go until he stopped looking so wounded. Wasn't he supposed to be arrogant? Untouchable? It wasn't even as though she liked him - though that thought didn't feel quite as accurate as it had earlier.

A niggling thought teased the back of her head… Diego asking her to go easy on him because they were… close? That awkward pause before he'd said friends.

Oh shit. Her eyes widened as realisation hit and her legs decided they were more suited for emulating jelly rather than muscle and bone.

Taking an unsteady step backwards her hands connected with the dresser, her fingers gripping tightly as she used it to stay upright. Clinging to it as a lifeline in a world that had just been shaken and dumped unceremoniously back to the ground.

"I'm… uh… going to take a wild guess we were more than friends."

Her softly spoken words barely hinted at the multitude of emotions sweeping through her: Fear - oh yeah. That held prime spot on the list right now. Anxiety - that was still there - bubbling below the surface as though happy to let fresher emotions take the lead for now; Anger - that Diego hadn't given her more of a warning, that he'd let her walk into this.

Anger was safe. Anger was familiar. Anger was a wall protecting her from everything else. Anger was… exhausting, and it wasn't doing much other than irritate everyone around her.

She watched as Jakes expression faltered, his earlier actions finally making sense as his response answered more succinctly than words ever could.

Her grip no longer enough Jay sagged back against the dresser, resignation and uncertainty becoming the latest emotions to join the unscheduled group outing - and was that… curiosity hiding among them?

Jake opened his mouth but no words came out. He swallowed in an attempt to clear his suddenly dry mouth but couldn't seem to form a coherent response. Instead he gave an almost imperceptible nod and watched her defensive posture crumble, a trace of the woman he'd married finally starting to show through.

He'd be happier about that if she didn't look like her entire world just shattered. She wasn't supposed to find out like this, hell she wasn't supposed to need to ‘find out’ at all. But then she wasn't supposed to be here either, so supposed to’s could take a running jump…

His eyes remained wary as he waited for her to move towards the bathroom or tell him to get out. Either action would be in keeping with everything else she'd done since turning up on his doorstep. Instead her head tilted to the side and she considered him with a confused frown, as though he were a puzzle she needed to figure out.

When her contemplative frown softened and still she didn't tell him to leave he took a cautious step into the room, then another; trying to ignore how much it tore at him that she seemed to only know him as ’the pilot.’ As much as he'd wished he could forget that blasted island he wouldn't trade his memories of her for anything, but Jay didn't seem to share them anymore.

He wanted to hold her close and promise she didn't have to deal with this alone, but she didn't want that - or hadn't mere minutes before. Was knowing they had a past enough for her to give him a second chance?

As he completed the final step and still she hadn't spoken the words that would send him out of the room and her life once more his thoughts flicked to that first day; how they'd instinctively sought out each other's hands while watching strange lights play across the sky. He'd let go once he realised, afraid of acknowledging whatever connection they shared; but it had been there - even when they both tried to ignore it. Oh Princess… Jay, please let it still be there.

With a hopeful confidence he hardly dared feel he reached tentative fingers to trace a line across her cheek. When she leaned into his touch instead of pulling away he let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

Keeping his eyes locked on hers he dipped his head slowly, giving her plenty of chance to pull away before brushing his lips over hers with a caress so gentle it almost wasn't there - and then it wasn't.

An invitation. A hope. A plea.

He waited, his mouth hovering over hers as he stared into pale watchful eyes. Any next step would have to be hers.

*****

Watching him close the distance between them, Jay's heart beat faster with something she couldn't quite explain. Nerves? Anticipation? She was definitely nervous but right at this moment it didn't matter that she didn't know him or that her last memories of him were antagonistic, what mattered was he was about to kiss her - and that she wanted him to. Then his lips brushed hers and questions and answers no longer mattered..

When he pulled away she followed almost immediately and pressed her lips back to his. Her tongue darting out and nudging against his bottom lip. Rewarded by a low moan that reverberated through her entire body, she grew more confident and traced her tongue along the seam of his closed lips. This time it was her turn to gasp as his lips parted, his tongue tentatively flicking out to meet hers.

This wasn't how she expected to feel. She’d expected the heat that coiled deep in her belly, even the haze that crept through her mind and stopped her overthinking - It wasn't like she could deny the initial spark of attraction she'd felt on the plane - hell if he'd kissed her like this rather than being condescending that first day she might never have left his arms again. With the way butterflies invaded her stomach from the instant she laid eyes on him today that attraction hadn't faded, but surely his touch wasn't supposed to feel like this? Like he completed a part she hadn't known was missing.

With his legs bracketing hers against the dresser she abandoned any attempt at rational thought as their hands explored. His touch experienced, reacquainting, brushing over her in ways he knew she enjoyed. Hers was less confident but grew bolder when he shivered in her arms as she traced along edges of muscles as though for the first time.

What started out as a gentle caress deepened as her hands ran up the side of his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. The first tug was accidental - repeating it when he let out a low growl and pulled her flush against him was not.

Feeling her pilot losing his calm facade in her arms made her want to find other ways to make him lose control. Wait - when did he become her pilot? As if sensing her drifting attention Jake nipped at the side of her neck and she decided that was a problem for later. There were much more promising answers to focus on right now.

With one hand entangled in his hair she dragged the other lightly down his t-shirt covered back until she reached the hem and dipped underneath, tugging at the material as her fingers played over his bare skin.

Jake broke the kiss and yanked the t-shirt over his head in a swift motion. Not taking his eyes from hers he sent it flying across the room, then his hands were at the bottom of her shirt; seemingly with the same need to have her bare skin pressed against his.

The bottom few buttons opened with ease but he fumbled the next one. “Too many buttons,” he muttered in amused frustration against her lips, capturing them again in a smouldering kiss when she let out a giggle.

“Okay yeah, far too many,” she agreed when he broke off to focus on unfastening them once more, swiftly managing the next two before the third proved problematic again.

“Princess… “ He let out a mock warning growl, reproachful eyes raising as he felt her badly suppressed laughter. He took a half step away, failing to hide his amusement at her pout before gesturing at her shirt in a way that clearly said ‘your turn’

She took over, eyes sparkling with mischief as she took her time unfastening the final three buttons, empowered by the way his eyes darkened with desire as he followed her fingers and the slowly bared band of smooth skin as her shirt finally fell open. He leaned in to murmur against her ear “You have no idea how hot that was.”

Her newly gained confidence abandoned her and she ducked to hide behind her protective sheet of hair once more.

‘Don't hide. Please. You don't ever have to hide from me,” Jake promised, his fingers curling gently under her chin to tilt her face back up as his other hand slid into her hair and brushed it back behind her ear; a mixture of awe and adoration in his eyes as they flicked over her upturned face before his mouth descended in a lingering kiss that sought as much to reassure as to encourage.

He kept the kiss tender until her confidence returned and her fingers tangled back into his hair. Then he began to explore once more, this time mapping out her newly bared skin, tracing soft circles up her stomach and sides in a tantalising journey, until they slid between her shoulders and the barely there shirt and it dropped to pool on the floor.

With eyes never leaving hers he cupped one hand at the neck of her neck while he ran the other under the edge of her waistband, goosebumps breaking out across her skin as he fumbled with the button.

In a last attempt to include reality in whatever this was Jay breathed “You know I don't remember…" but made no move to stop him.

"Don't care if you don't, Princess."

Recognising his words as an offered way out she gave them an entire half moments consideration before deciding she had other priorities right now. She squeezed him close, arching into him as he went back to trailing teasing fingers up her spine.

"Kinda takin' that as we're good, Princess.”

"Top Gun. You are talking far too much right now…"

"Understood." He captured her lips again before unfastening the button and sliding her tight denims down her legs, his calloused fingers cool on her calves as he helped her step out of them.

Instead of getting immediately back to his feet he crouched at the floor, wide eyed and more vulnerable then she'd ever seen him. This time she didn't feel self conscious or embarrassed. This time she wanted more.

She reached her hands out to him and he took them, swaying slightly as he allowed her to pull him to his feet. His eyes growing heated once more as her fingers tailed down his abs and along the edge of his waistband before dipping ever so slightly beneath.

“Princess…” He breathed out throatily and she found she didn't mind the name utterered like that. Quite the opposite in fact.

Growing bolder her fingers continued teasing trailing paths wherever she could reach. He tensed at her touch, letting out a moan when she popped the button open and her palm teased through his jeans in a touch that could almost have been accidental as she took her time lowering the zip. Almost if not for the way her eyes flicked to his before focusing once more.

When she started to slide his jeans down his hips his hands covered hers, taking over when she faltered. Dropping his jeans along with his underwear the rest of the way down his legs he kicked them to tangle on the floor with hers.

He smirked as her tongue darted out over dry lips but the aggravating expression didn't bother her right now. He had every reason to be smugly confident.

Stepping very definitely back into her personal space he raised a single eyebrow challenging her to tell him to stop or to step away. When she didn't, the tips of his fingers traced under the edge of her underwear, tugging until they lowered past the curve of her hips and gravity helped them slide the rest of the way down her legs. Then the only item of clothing she had left was her bra.

Dropping tiny kisses along the top of her shoulder, he nipped and soothed as his fingers worked the fastening behind her back until the straps slid from her shoulders and her bra joined the rest of their clothing on the floor and she stood bare before him.

Heavy lidded eyes radiating an endearing mixture of concern and restrained desire as he searched her upturned face. “You sure you're okay with this?”

Her response was a wordless nod, her mouth joining with his in a kiss that turned hungry. Jakes hands slid from her waist, palming her backside before grasping the back of her thighs and lifting her effortlessly. She let out a startled yelp of surprise before wrapping her legs around his waist, then went back to kissing him as her arms wound around his neck and her fingers dove into his hair once more.

Briefly returning to his senses Jake turned from the wall and took two swift strides towards the bed; not noticing or caring what he sent crashing to the floor as he reached his goal and lowered her almost reverently to the mattress.

“Jake…” she moaned as he positioned himself at her entrance.

His fingers flexed involuntarily along with a sharp intake of breath he couldn't have disguised if his life had depended on it. It was just a name - surely it shouldn't affect him so much… but this was the first time she'd used it. Not the pilot, not Top Gun. His actual name… Even with everything that happened today that left him exposed in a way nothing else had.

He risked a glance at her face. The shy smile she flashed told him she knew what she'd said and what it had done to him, and with that he was lost; had been since the moment she walked into his life.

Hope battered against his ribcage, refusing to settle quietly behind walls he’d been struggling to build since she arrived. Walls that crumbled further every second he spent with her. Maybe he didn't have to just be lost. Maybe, just maybe, he could be found too.

Touching his forehead to hers he stared deep into pale eyes he'd never thought to see again as he slid inside, stretching and filling as her body welcomed him home.

*****

"Fireworks…. Every damn time." Jakes lips caressed hers one last time before he fell back on the mattress, pulling her with him with a soft laugh that offered a glimpse of a younger, more carefree version, one she could imagine it might be all too easy to fall for.

With a similar smile creeping over her own face Jay curled next to him before lurching into a half seated position as she remembered the others waiting in the living room. Remembered that she'd used a shower as an excuse to get away and instead had fallen in bed with… that thought staggered to a halt, unsure how to describe what he was to her.

With an all too accurate guess at what prompted her movement. Jake pulled himself to a seated position behind her, his arms wrapping around her middle as he nuzzled his face into the curve of her neck. “Stay, please?” he murmured against her hair, “There's gonna be enough reality after we step back out that door. Can we delay it a little while?”

"You get sentimental or something?" Words that might have been harsh earlier in the day came out curious.

Twisting so she could see his face over her shoulder Jake offered a soft unguarded smile that played havoc with her emotions. "Only with you Princess. Only with you."

Somehow that dreaded nickname managed to sound different when he used it now, the mocking undertones changed to something she daren’t even try to identify.

Cautiously returning his entirely too contagious smile Jay let him tug her back until he curled around her on the bed and snuggled back into the comfort of his arms; their fingers entwining as he pressed his lips to the side of her hair she wondered what else she didn't know about this enigmatic man.

Let the others wait, for the first time today it felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

***

It grew dark as they lay wrapped in each other's arms, the streetlights drawing a reluctant groan from Jake as they flickered to life outside the window.

Knowing there was a decent chance his world was about to come crashing down once again he took a couple of minutes to appreciate the girl in his arms before acknowledging it was time to face reality before reality burst in on them, most likely in the shape of Craig - though the others wouldn't be far behind.

“C'mon Princess. We need to move - before I fall asleep with you here; and as temptin' as that sounds there's no way those guys would let us get away with that. I'm surprised no-ones come knockin' already.” He gathered her tightly one last time, placing a kiss to her forehead before reluctantly releasing her and flicking on the lamp.

Jay blinked sleepily in the lamplight, making him think she might have been just as content to sleep til morning

"Go get your shower, I'll be here when you get out... If you want me to be” he amended, hoping he hadn't overstepped that point already. He made no attempt to hide his sigh of relief at her nodded agreement.

As she climbed from his bed he briefly caught her fingers in his, giving them a final squeeze before releasing her and turning away to give her a semblance of privacy as she made her way to the bathroom.

*****

Stepping into the shower Jay closed her eyes and visibly relaxed under the relentless beat of water. More asleep than awake she squeezed a dollop of body wash into her hand, taking a deep breath as she recognised part of the smell she now associated with Jake. A quiet laugh escaped as she caught herself frowning at the bottle. Kinda Ironic to think smelling of his shower gel is intimate when we just had sex - I think we might be a bit past that part.

The critical voice residing in the back of her head decided that moment was a good time to weigh in. You pretty much just met the guy and you're in his bed?

I didn't just meet him, she thought back at the scathing voice as she began to lather shampoo into her hair. He's… she flailed for words, still no closer to describing whatever they were to each other.

…So he said. You actually believed him?

I did, yeah.

It had been written all over him, his expression, the way he held himself. She might never understand what they were, or even why or how, but there was definitely more than she could have imagined between her and the pilot with the irritating nicknames… Jake, she mentally amended. Things had changed enough between them that she needed to use his name rather than distancing herself by referring to him as 'The Pilot.'

As the water continued to beat down, she wondered yet again why she couldn't remember anything after that plane journey. It was obvious her earlier guess about being ill had been wrong - so what happened? And why was she just as scared of getting answers as not knowing?

Trying to push those thoughts away she rinsed the remains of the conditioner and slower gel before turning off the water and stepping back out of the shower. Despite initially using it as an excuse to get out of the living room she did feel better for being clean, though she was at least half convinced that was to do with Jake rather than the shower.

Had he waited? A mixture of relief and nervousness flowed through her when she opened the door and saw him by the window. He turned at the noise, smiling that soft true smile when he saw her.

As Jake took in the sight of her in his bedroom doorway in only a towel uncertainty wove its unwelcome fingers between them and he gave an embarrassed wave towards where her clothes lay strewn across the floor. “You ah… want to put those back on? Or borrow somethin' of mine?”

Jays eyes flicked towards the discarded clothing, unexpectedly reassured that he seemed as uncertain about their new dynamic as she was. Though it made the air a little awkward. “Can I borrow something, please?” She asked quietly, fighting the urge to duck behind her hair as he found her a clean t-shirt and some jogging bottoms.

“These will be a little big.” He gave an apologetic smile as he stepped close enough to hand them to her, “but you should be able to fasten 'em okay.” He gave in to the urge to brush a strand of hair from her face before turning again to offer some privacy.

Jay picked her bra back up and fastened it, smiling to herself as she slid his tshirt over her head and it fell halfway down her thighs. Eyeing her underwear she wrinkled her nose at the thought of putting it back on, her bra was one thing but... She pulled the joggers over her hips, firmly knotting them to keep them from slipping down.

Without giving herself time to second guess the move she crept behind Jake and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her face to his back. “Thankyou,” she whispered.

“Anytime.” His arms slid over hers as he half turned to smile down at her, groaning when he spotted what she’d left on the floor. He twisted the rest of the way winding his arms around her waist and pulling her close, his breath tickling as he bent to whisper in her ear. “I've got to spend the rest of the evenin’ knowing you're wearin’ nothing under my clothes. You are a bad bad woman Princess.”

Her cheeks warmed as a blush crept over them, ducking her face to his chest so he couldn't see the effect his words had. He chuckled lightly as he tilted her chin back up, brushing his lips against hers and catching her bottom lip lightly in his teeth before reluctantly releasing her and handing her a hairbrush.

He eyed her thoughtfully as she worked the brush through the tangles at the bottom of her hair. “You think you're up to facing the rest of them?

“Not really?” She screwed up her face in an embarrassed grimace.

He gave an apologetic shrug back. “As appealin' as the idea is to hide in here for the rest of the evenin’, You kinda have to. they're gonna get angsty if we don't head out soon.”

If he hadn't been watching so closely he might have missed the way her eyes dropped to the floor as she chewed her bottom lip, fingers playing with the ends of her still damp hair “Ya don't remember them either, do you?”

She gave her head a little shake, feeling insecure as she admitted “I don't remember anything after the plane, no.”

That answered something he'd been afraid to ask. A considering look passed over his face, quickly followed by a lopsided grin that resembled the smirk that irritated her so much, but was apparently just different enough. “It'll be okay. We can always kick them out if they get too rowdy.”

She took his offered hand and tried to smile in return but it didn't reach her eyes as she realised the rest of the evening was likely to bring more questions than answers - and she was afraid of both.

He used their linked hands to tug her back into his arms, not liking the uncertain air of vulnerability that swept over her. Gathering her against his chest he gently placed fingers back under her chin, his mouth descending on hers in a brief kiss that left her breathless.

She touched her fingers to her lips, eyes wide. “What was that for?”

He gave an uncertain smile of his own. Because you looked like you needed it. Because I needed it. Because I've no idea how to tell you what you mean to me without scaring you away. “Many, many reasons Princess.”

He gave her fingers a hopefully reassuring squeeze as he led her back towards the others, feeling her tense as they reached the end of the hall.

Please don't let anyone mess this fragile peace up.

*****

The living room was silent when they walked back out together. As all eyes fell on them Jay felt vulnerable once again and had to fight back an irrational urge to hide behind Jake. Her fingers tightened on his as he gave a little squeeze offering her support. Strange how quick I've come to lean on him against everyone else, when not long ago everyone else included him.

Craig broke the silence, grinning from the couch as he gave a slow clap, unfazed as Zahra dug an elbow in his ribs.

"I don't know whether to be impressed or horrified." Michelle stage whispered from beside him, Seans hand resting on her knee as she glanced curiously between them.

"I think it's sweet" Grace smiled from her seat beside Aleister on the other couch, the pale man pointedly not looking in their direction.

"You don't even remember him and still you guys can't keep your hands off each other." That was Diego, shaking his head with a smile even as he gave her a concerned look. She knew he was remembering her earlier words outside the house.

She flushed, giving serious thought to hiding but then Craig dropped the ultimate bombshell.

"I know she's your wife dude but…."

He broke off as Zahra elbowed him harder this time, glaring as everyone stared at him in disbelief before turning back to her.

Jay took a sharp intake of breath, eyes wide as she fixed them on Jake, feeling his fingers tighten involuntarily around hers as she tugged lightly against his hand.

"Something you forgot to mention Top Gun?"

He gave a sheepish uncertain smile. "There wasn't really a lot of time talking"

The room seemed to hold its breath for a second before Raj facepalmed. "Duuuude…" the tension dropped as groans, sniggers and muffled giggles erupted.

She wanted to be annoyed, really she did, but the emotion just wasn't there. Squashing a mental facepalm of her own she ignored the others, her eyes remaining fixed on his as she waited to see if he'd elaborate. She expected a sarcastic retort or that smirk, but instead he kept hold of her hand, tracing slow circles with his thumb as he ducked his head. Peering through stands of his hair he offered her an uncharacteristically shy smile.

"Surprise Princess?"

Surprise didn't even come close. What the actual…? She wished this had been something she'd found out when it was just the two of them, rather than being watched by a room full of strangers. Though she could understand why it hadn't been the first thing out of his mouth. She had no idea how she would have reacted to ‘I know you can't remember me but you're my wife…’ well actually she did and there was very little chance it would have been complimentary.

Jake shot her a worried glance as she remained quiet, only slightly reassured when she kept hold of his hand. He rubbed his thumb over the edge of her fingers as he led her to the space Quinn cleared on one of the couches, his other arm wrapping posessively round her shoulder. She had a feeling he'd have pulled her onto his lap if he thought he could get away with it and was glad he hadn't. Whatever was going on with them - she wasn't ready for that, especially with everyone watching her like she’d grown a second head.

The doorbell went almost as soon as they sat down. Quinn jumped to her feet waving Jake to stay seated as she bounded over to the door, giving her ethereal smile as she took a stack of pizza boxes from the delivery driver and tipped him.

“Food's here.”

Raj wrinkled his nose as he sniffed at it. “Next time dude, I'm cooking.”

“You're welcome to. This barely looks edible.” Zahra lifted a slice of her pizza, grimacing at the congealed cheese.

Opening her pizza box Jay smiled in relief, at least one thing was familiar today. Diego had clearly had a hand in her order as it was just as she'd usually order…

Once everyone was occupied eating, she took the opportunity to glance around without being the centre of attention. She wasn't quite ready to accept that everyone here was a friend like Diego implied, but they seemed to get along better than she’d expected.

It was pretty obvious they were waiting for her to ask questions or answer some of theirs but she had no idea where to even start. As far as her memories went they were mainly strangers, though as her eyes fell on Quinn and Raj she had to admit she felt more comfortable around some than others.

A thought struck her as her attention moved from Quinn to the brunette sat on the floor next to her. Hey. I know your name. Estela. I'm pretty sure I had no idea on the plane. The brunette lifted her chin in challenge as she met Jays stare. Not entirely sure if she was meant to feel intimidated she gave Estela a tiny nod before looking to Diego, perched on the chair arm where he was darting concerned looks between her and Jake. Yeah you could have given me a heads up she thought a little unkindly at him.

Sean was on Diegos other side staring with a brooding expression, Michelles’ hand over her mouth in a futile attempt at hiding her whispering him to stop. Jay vaguely recalled they'd been together before the trip and presumed they still were.

Craig offered a huge grin as he crammed an entire pizza slice in his mouth, not faltering when she didn't return it. She was surprised to see his other arm slung round Zahras shoulders. They were not a couple she'd have predicted.

Talking about couples she wouldn't have predicted… That brought her attention back to Jake… How had their relationship changed so much that they'd actually got married? How do you forget something like that? I don't even remember liking you. Her stomach gave a little flutter again as he rested a hand on her knee and gave a comforting squeeze. Well obviously there's that… but how could we have any sort of relationship when he annoys me so much?

Small forced conversations broke out when it became clear she wasn't about to start talking. She appreciated the effort but they were doing a bad job of pretending they weren't staring every chance they got.

Maybe they meant well but she started to wilt under the obvious scrutiny. The easy comfort she felt earlier around Jake retreated the longer she spent in the room, replaced by the unwelcome reappearance of her headache and the uncomfortable irritable tension that had filled her on the drive here.

“I finally understand the phrase caught in the headlights” she muttered to herself, apparently just loud enough for Jake to hear as he gave her knee a gentle squeeze.

“We can still kick them out if they bother you.”

“At least they told me something.” She shot him a sceptical look before directing her glance pointedly at Craig, inexplicably nervous at the thought of being alone with him if everyone left.

“Ahh… yeah.” Conceding the point he gave an unhappy half smile and focused back on his food, though he left his hand on her knee.

Just how much have I forgotten? Not wanting to admit how worried that question made her, she rubbed her fingertips over her temples in a futile attempt at stopping the building tension.

“Jay…Catch.”

She looked up to see Diego aim a pack of painkillers in her direction, picking them gratefully from where they landed in her lap. Jake got her a glass of water from the kitchen and she swallowed the tiny tablets, hoping they'd kick in soon - though she wished Diego hadn't drawn everyones attention back to her.

She felt even more awkward as Jake squeezed back into the space next to her, catching his hurt look as she shuffled away in a vain attempt to gain a bit more breathing room. He tensed unhappily beside her, though he tried unsuccessfully to hide it.

Trying to make herself as small as possible, Jays shoulders hunched inwards, arms crossed over her midsection, wishing she could just disappear. A wave of fear flooded her at that thought, so strong she physically flinched. Okay, maybe not disappear. Sheesh. What was that about? She shook her head at Jakes concerned look, not sure how to even start explaining that one.

The tension was even more noticeable once everyone finished eating and the plates and pizza boxes were pushed to the side. With nothing to distract them it wouldn't be long before they were asking questions she couldn't answer. Questions they probably would have asked already if her and Jake hadn't... Um… yeah that.

She shifted uncomfortably as one person then another opened their mouth to speak before closing it and conveniently finding something interesting to look at in a different part of the room..

For the third or maybe fourth time that day Jays stomach tried to twist itself into a knot. Stretching to sit taller on the couch, she rubbed the heel of her hand over her breastbone. When that didn't make the ache go away she closed her eyes, trying focus on taking slow calculated breaths.

It worked about as well as it had done in the cab. There wasn't enough air, the walls were closing in, the vultures had found their meal and were ripping it to pieces. Flashes intruded at the edges of her vision even with her eyes closed… Jakes hand on her knee no longer reassuring but once again a part of the panic. I can't do this. I need to get out.

She tried to gather the courage to get up and walk out of the door. It's only a small distance. They can't stare any more than they already are.

Her eyes flew back open as an extremely unhappy looking Raj tired of the awkward undertones enough to speak.

"Dudes. This is really not comfortable. You two clearly need to talk. Actually talk.” He fixed them both with a mock glare that sat uncomfortably on his usually smiling face. “Why don't you go do… Whatever you need to do and we'll meet back here in the morning.”

Low mumbles of agreement echoed through the room. This time no one would meet her eyes as she looked around, and that included Diego. Great. She let out an exasperated sigh, the painkillers not yet easing the pounding behind her eyes.

Cheeks tinged with pink, Jake got to his feet and held out a hand. "What do you say Princess?”

With a last glance around the room she slipped her fingers into his, abandoning any hope of fleeing outside as she allowed him to pull her to her feet. "Fine. Let's get this over with."

From the hurt flicker in his eyes she could tell her words came out sharper than she intended but she couldn't take them back and at this particular moment she wasn't sure she wanted to.

Fighting back nerves - and maybe tears, though she wasn't willing to admit that - she avoided looking at the others as she followed Jake back down the hallway. Both ignoring the mumbles that started behind them the instant they were out of the room.

*****

Once back in his room Jake closed the door behind them, reluctantly letting go of her hand as she stepped away.

He had a lot of regrets but his most recent one had to be leaving that bed and rejoining the others. Things had been simpler then. Jay was in his arms and he hadn't messed up by letting Craig be the one to tell her they were married…

Maybe they should just have gone to sleep. No. The others wouldn't have let them get away with that and even if they had he'd have been in this exact situation again in the morning.

Was it so bad to want a little time together before he dropped that bombshell? When would he even have told her? When they were in bed? When she got up for her shower? Just before they went through to the living room? Okay yeah… that last one might have been it - but he didn't, and this was the result.

“This is… awkward..." Jay struggled to keep the tension out of her voice, looking away when he laid an uncertain hand on her arm.

He dropped his hand and took a step back to give her space. Was this where she left? He had no hold on her, no way to convince her to stay if she didn't want to. Even their marriage wasn't something that would be binding on the mainland. This is torture Princess. Why the hell can't you remember me? What happened?

With less than a metre separating them Jay shifted her weight from one foot to the other. Her arms wrapped defensively around her middle as panic fluttered her stomach again. What to say? Where to start? What to ask when she couldn't remember enough? It was easier when she was just missing a chunk of time, but to have lost an entire relationship to the point where she married him…

It was unthinkable, and that was without the jarring dichotomy between their earlier intimacy and her last clear memory - him yelling at her in the plane.

I can't be your wife. She thought frantically at him, as tears threatened once again.

“Princess…”

That name again… Hearing him call her that just as she remembered his sneering expression reinforced everything she'd felt earlier. She didn't bother to hide her grimace as her head snapped up and her eyes locked with his.

That was a mistake. Haunted eyes fixed on hers, stripping her of every defensive wall she'd managed to drag around herself since waking on that blasted street with no idea how she got there. It was far too intimate a moment to be sharing with a guy she remembered as antagonistic, sarcastic and argumentative.

“Don't call me that.” she snapped, struggling to reconcile the memory of ‘the pilot’ with the uncertain man in front of her, the one who’d held her so close in this very room.

Her hands curled into fists at her sides as a spark of anger flared at the entire unrealistic, improbable situation. She clutched at it - shielding herself with its comforting heat - knowing she was being unfair but preferring anger to the alternative. Anger was solid… Anger wasn't feeling lost... Anger wasn't tears… I can't cry.

Jake winced as she went back to being the argumentative person who'd turned up on his doorstep. Not the one he'd just held in his arms. Not the one he desperately needed her to be.

She had plenty of reasons to be confused. If today was a jumble of emotions for him it had to be so much worse for her, but he was getting really tired of being snapped at by the person who was supposed to care about him more than anyone in the world.

“What would you prefer I call you?” His voice came out dangerously low, deceptively calm when he was anything but. Something she would have recognised if she'd actually been able to remember.

“How about my actual name? I do have one.” Her voice was scathing, pale eyes narrowing as she mocked him. An unmistakable urge to get a rise out of the carefully controlled man in front of her who confused everything and made her feel things she didn't want to feel. Who made her vulnerable and knew far too much. She choked back a sob as she fought rising panic and a growing need to scream.

“Oh you remember that, do you Princess? When you've forgotten Every. Damn. Thing. Else.” Her agitation rubbing off on him, he put extra emphasis on sneering the word Princess at her, expecting her to slam past him at any moment. Out of his room. Out of his house. Out of his life. He desperately wished he could take back the words the moment they left his mouth.

“I didn't forget everything else” she snapped back, eyes flashing in barely concealed contempt. “Just you.”

Her words tore in jagged strips, causing him to take an involuntary step back. They both knew it was a lie, but it was a damn good one if she was striking to hurt.

“When exactly did I marry you?" she continued, the tears gathering at the edge of her eyes doing nothing to stop the low pitched irredeemable words as they cascaded from her mouth."...Since you obviously left such a lasting impression.”

She knew she'd gone too far but it was far too late to take the venomous words back.

Every word punctured as it hit and Jake snarled back ones he would never otherwise have thrown at her. “The day before you died….”

With those words all the anger sucked out of the room. Realising what he'd said Jake sank to the edge of the bed, shoulders slumping as he tried to work out how they'd gone from holding each other to screaming at each other in such a short space of time.

He wanted to apologise but what was the point? There was no taking that back. Maybe there really is no fixing this. “...Shit Princess"

“I did what?” It was her turn to recoil.

“You heard.” he muttered, not looking up from the floor - trying to remind himself he'd sworn he'd give anything to have more time with her; he just hadn't expected to spend quite so much of it being yelled at.

"I died? We got married… and then I… died?" Her voice came out small as shock flooded her, anger and panic draining in the same moment as she swayed unsteadily on her feet. What do you mean I died? I can't have died. I'm here.

His head sank to his hands, feeling like a complete cretin for throwing the words at her like that. No matter how much she'd been trying to hurt she hadn't deserved to find out in that way. "Pretty much. Yeah."

"How… how did I..?"

He grimaced, his tone turning bitter. "There was a lot of shit went down on that island. A lot of crazy shit. When things really got mental. And I mean swirlin’ time vortex, world destruction mental… You got all self-sacrificin’ and gave yourself up for us."

A solitary tear trailed its way down his face as he finally lifted his head to look back at her. "I gotta say Princess. I kinda hate you a little for that."

Knowing he meant every word her mouth parted as she struggled to find thoughts let alone words. "Did I have other options?" she eventually asked.

He blew out a sigh. "Yeah, you had other choices. But they all sucked." Seeing her attention firmly on him he reluctantly continued. "You could have kept us all alive on the island but the rest of the world burned... Or… You could’ve accepted a megalomaniacs’ offer to turn back time. We'd have gone back seven months, but he'd have been free to rewrite history how he wanted. Like I said. They all sucked."

"Which do you wish I'd picked?"

"Honestly? I wish you'd chosen us. I’d have happily lived out my entire life with you on the island. The others had more to lose though, and you never were the person to watch the world burn. I knew what you'd choose before you did it." Stood on the rooftop as you disintegrated in my arms. He closed his eyes against the unwelcome reminder. “That was the last time any of us saw or heard from you - until you called Diego today."

Well that explains everyones obsession with staring at me. “So I really do know everyone out there?” she waved a hand towards the living room, continuing as he nodded. “and we?” her voice trailed off, unable to finish.

“Really did get married?”

She nodded silently, eyes wide.

“Yeah. We did. Hard as it seems for you to believe.” He gave a bitter smile as he fumbled in his pocket for his phone. “There’s somethin’ you should probably listen to. It might not make much sense but…well… You recorded it for us at the end. Froze time or somethin so you could leave us all one last message.”

He pressed play, tensing as he heard her recorded voice again. The message he'd listened to every day for the last year. The one that had been all he had left of her apart from a faded ribbon that even now sat in his pocket. He blinked back tears he refused to let fall as she listened to it all through, his jaw clenching as she skipped back to listen to the part she recorded for him twice.

When it finished for the second time she stood in silence, pointedly looking anywhere but at him as she tried to work out what to say. She hadn't thought it possible for things to get even more confusing, but that message blew things sky high. Raj sent them to talk, but she'd gone from having no information to far too much, with no time to process.

“... I don't remember recording that” she blurted, continuing in a panicked rush as she tried to hide her confusion. “I don't know you... I'm not even sure I like you."

"Believe me Princess. I can fuckin’ tell" he snarled, gritting his teeth to force down words that might chase her away for good.

She floundered in the wave of hurt that battered her at the vitriol in his voice. What did you expect? Do you ever think before you open your mouth? That had been uncalled for - even if it was true, and she didn't think it was anymore. Maybe when she'd first seen him today, but not now.

Maybe I should just leave before he throws me out. I can call Diego. He'll understand… I think.

She managed a step towards the door before a dull throbbing erupted from the back of her head; words forcing their way to the top of her tongue, demanding to be said. Keeping her mouth firmly closed she willed them away. Haven't I done enough today?

You need to say this. You'll regret it.

I regret most of what I've said

There was no response to that, not that she really expected one.

Squeezing her eyes shut so she couldn't see his reaction she opened her mouth and let the words fall. Her tone was resigned this time, though a hint of her earlier anger glimpsed through in the undercurrents. “You got your white picket fence anyway I see.”

He was across the room in seconds, fingers bordering on painful as they tightened on her upper arms. “What did you say?”

“I…. Don't know?” The words made no sense but the urgency to speak had passed so apparently she'd said everything she needed to. Though she had no idea why those words were so important or why they'd had the effect they had.

“Shit sorry.” Jake loosened his grip but didn't remove his hands. His voice came softer this time. Softer but not calmer, his words spaced with a forced evenness as he repeated his question. “Princess… Jay. What. did. you. say?”

Tension drained out of her as his hand moved softly over her arm, his fingers stroking soft nonsensical patterns she wasn't sure he knew he was making.

“I don't know.” her voice came out a whisper, barely audible in the quiet room. “Something about a picket fence?” Confused eyes met his as he stroked the back of his knuckle tenderly against her cheek and she found herself leaning into the touch.

She wasn't willing to risk prodding the strange calm that spread over them as his other arm wound around her waist and held her close. Even the headache that had been campaigning against the inside of her head receded as he held her. It made no sense, but neither did anything else today. Maybe if her head stopped feeling like it was about to explode she could stop antagonising him with every breath. Then maybe...Maybe…

“That wasn't a conversation we had on the plane.” Jake leaned forwards to whisper against her ear, his breath ticking briefly before he pulled back to look in her eyes, peering through his hair as it fell forwards.

“It wasn't?” Her lips parted in surprise and she gave in to the urge to brush his hair back from his face, her breath catching as he held her wrist and placed a kiss in the centre of her palm.

“It wasn't.” He confirmed, leaning the side of his face into her cupped hand as he considered his next words. “We'd landed on the island, no one was there to meet us. You went with me when I tried to find out what was going on.”

“And that's when we talked about a picket fence?”

“Yeah. It's not much after the plane, but it's something right?” His voice rose as he fixed hopeful eyes on hers. “You might remember more?”

It was almost painful to see, especially with the hurtful things she’d said. She opened her mouth to try to speak but her throat closed on the sound. How was she supposed to explain what she didn't even understand? To piece together the way he made her feel while remembering the things about him that irritated her beyond reason. When she tried again to speak and failed she twisted in his arms.

He instantly released his hold as she shifted. When he realised she was turning round rather than moving away he wound his arms back around her and cradled her to his chest, desperate hope welling as he waited for her to speak again.

Aiming her words towards the ceiling made them easier to say but even so it took two attempts before Jay managed to get anything out.

“I don't know if I'll remember anything more. I mean I hope so, obviously, but if I died… I've no idea what that means.” For my memories… For me… For us.

Her words ran faster, threatening to jumble into a string of meaningless syllables. “I don't know what this is between us or if there's any way to make it work.” She paused as he tensed behind but when he kept quiet she opened her mouth to continue, swallowing in the vain hope her voice would stay calm.

Torn between trying to explain and being terrified she'd only mess things up again she tried to work out how to say this while causing the least harm. No matter how carefully she worded it, it had the potential to hurt, but she couldn't imagine them having any sort of future if she didn't at least try.

She closed her eyes.

“The last thing I remember we were on the plane. You were yelling at me.”

He flinched but remained silent.

“It's… hard, accepting this… when I've only got that to compare it to. I've no idea how long it's been for you but for me it might as well have been yesterday.” She swallowed but pushed onwards. “Every time you’ve got that arrogant smirk on your face… Everytime you open your mouth and something condescending comes out… Every time you call me that irritating nickname, well most times, sometimes, I don't even know anymore...” She trailed off, no longer sure what she was even trying to say.

Taking a gulp of air that bordered on a sob she focused on his steady presence behind her, on the way his arms held her close - comforting but not restricting, on his thumb tracing soft circles as he waited for her to find her own way to get this off her chest rather than interrupting. None of which added up to the person she’d previously pictured in her mind.

Her voice turned thoughtful, tinted with a disbelieving wonder as she continued so low he had to strain to hear what she said. "...But then you hold me like this and everything else fades away. I don't know what to do. I can't remember and I don't know what to do.” She kept her eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling, trying to ignore the tears that slid down her cheeks as her words trailed off.

With a hope he didn't dare trust Jake nuzzled her hair and murmured against her ear. "I guess I'll just have to never let you out of my arms again.” She let out a choked sob and he continued more seriously.

“Princ… Jay,” he amended. “I spent the last year thinking you were dead, that I'd never see you again - let alone get to hold you like this. You don't want to know how many times I replayed that stupid message.” He broke off, embarrassment tinging his words as that statement revealed more than he intended - but she'd been brave, he could be too.

“No one expects you to have all the answers. I mean, we hoped you'd remember us, I hoped you'd remember us, but no one is going to push you for more than you're willing or able to give. Least of all me. Okay?”

Tears continued to fall as she nodded slowly, feeling his lips press into the back of her hair.

Lacing their fingers together he sat back on the bed so got back leaned against the wall. She didn't resist when he tugged questioningly and gestured her to sit in front of him, or when his other arm came around her, tugging the covers over her before cradling her to his chest. He never asked if she was staying and she was long past considering leaving.

She still had no idea what happened to change things between them, but clearly something had. Maybe she should be thankful Diego was here today. That he'd insisted she came. Maybe even that he'd been irritatingly secretive. Afterall, there was no way she'd have believed him if he'd tried explaining this. Even now it was hard to take in.

"Jake?” she asked, her voice uncertain.

“Hmmm?”

“How long was I gone?"

He started silent so long that she wasn't sure he was going to reply. "Almost a year. Those guys were meetin’ here to make sure I went with them to the anniversary."

"A year?”

Instead of answering he pressed his lips to the top of her head, not trusting his voice but knowing she could feel him nod against her.

“You didn't want to go?"

"Didn't much see the point.” She felt as he gave a helpless shrug. “Dead’s dead. What good's meetin’ up do?” She could have sworn the cocky pilot was trying to hold back tears. "Ahh hell Princess..."

It was hard to be irritated by a nickname when it almost broke under the weight of pain it carried. This time she didn't fight the urge to comfort him, instead she snuggled closer and wrapped her free arm around his waist.

Her day had been hard enough, but his? She couldn't even begin to imagine what his last year must've been like - and when she appeared she didn't know him - not just that, but actively disliked him. No wonder he slammed into the house. Could she have done anything to make today more painful for him? Probably not.

"I'm so confused" she barely whispered, her words muffled into his tshirt

“That makes two of us. Princess." His words were raw but he softened them by rubbing his cheek against the side of her head as he reached for the lamp and plunged the room into darkness.

“Go to sleep… Jay. We can carry on trying to figure this crap in the morning.”

“Aren't the others due back tomorrow.”

He gave a light one armed shrug. “We won't let them in, they wanted us to talk after all.”

“Something tells me they won’t be that easily dissuaded.”

She thought she felt him smile. “See, you know more than you thought.”

Her lips curved in a smile of her own. “Shut it Top Gun”

“Understood.” His chest rumbled with contained laughter that reassured her more than any additional words he could have said. Maybe they would find a way through this afterall.

She still had so many questions, but safe in his arms she found the answers didn't seem so scary anymore.

******

Jake lay awake long after her breath evened out in sleep. Maybe she wasn't quite his Princess but there was definitely something there.

Tomorrow would bring its own collection of problems but for the moment she was here and he wasn't the damned pilot to her anymore. It wasn't much but he clung to it - they’d faced impossible odds together before. And maybe, just maybe she’d give him that chance to build new memories together.

For the first time since he'd left that wretched island he had reason to hope.