Chapter Text
Meredith had been having stomach cramps for hours, chalking it up to bad decisions and pepperoni.
She was sprawled out on the bed, clutching her bump—now the size of a well-inflated basketball—and mentally bargaining with whatever higher power might be listening to please calm the storm inside her before her wife got home.
The same wife, mind you, who explicitly told her that two family-size pepperoni pizzas with a side of peanut butter (don’t ask) were a one-way ticket to gastrointestinal hell.
The pressure in her body started to build, like a soda can left in the sun. With a grunt and a wobble, Meredith pushed herself upright, desperate to reach the bathroom before the tea she’d been chugging all afternoon decided to stage a jailbreak.
But the moment she stood— splash .
It hit the floor.
She froze, eyes wide, heartbeat skipping.
“…Oh, shit ,” she whispered.
By now, she was no stranger to bladder betrayal. Her baby had been using her bladder as a bouncy house since month seven. But this … this was more than just a leak. This was Niagara .
Blushing furiously, she waddled to clean up the mess, muttering curses under her breath like some kind of heavily pregnant sailor. Her back ached, her stomach cramped, her pride? In shambles. But somehow, she managed to mop up the splash zone just in time to hear the familiar sound of tires on the driveway. Addison was home.
She wanted to greet her wife at the door with a kiss, maybe a sexy wink to distract her from the pizza box graveyard—but her body had other plans.
Because suddenly, there was pressure. A lot of it.
The kind of pressure that screams, Hey girl, time to push.
Meredith’s eyes widened in horror as she clutched the wall and waddled—no, sprinted in slow-motion —back to the bathroom.
⸻
Meanwhile, back at the front door…
Addison Montgomery had just returned from performing a literal miracle—an emergency surgery on a newborn with her organs on the outside of her tiny body. The baby had pulled through. Stable. Breathing. Kicking. It was the kind of high that made even the most cynical surgeon feel like the world might be okay for five minutes.
As she walked into the house, exhausted but glowing, she was met with a strong scent of—was that…?
Chamomile tea and desperation.
She chuckled. That was so Meredith. Probably trying to flush out the pepperoni demons from last night. Addison shook her head fondly. “Two boxes of pizza and a jar of peanut butter,” she muttered. “Who even does that?”
She slipped off her shoes and called out, “Love, I’m home!”
Silence. No soft “hey baby,” no sarcastic quip, not even a snore. That was… weird.
Concerned, Addison made her way up the stairs. Just as she reached the top landing, a soft whimper echoed from the bathroom.
“Mere?” she called gently.
Then—
“AAAARGHDDISON ADRIANNE FORBES MONTGOMERY-GREY!”
She dropped her bag like it was on fire and rushed into the bathroom like the seasoned trauma surgeon she was, expecting blood, broken water pipes, maybe even an escaped raccoon at this point.
⸻
Inside the bathroom…
Meredith was on the toilet, gripping the sink with one hand and her belly with the other. Her face was scrunched up, red, sweaty, somewhere between panic and a primal scream.
“I think I’m having the baby!” she cried.
Addison blinked. Once. Twice. Then the words processed.
“Oh hell .”
“Something is coming out and it is NOT pee!” Meredith shrieked. “I thought I needed to poop but—Addison—it’s—this baby is trying to evict herself! ”
Addison snapped into gear. She crouched, peered between Meredith’s legs, then popped right back up like a Jack-in-the-box. “Yeah. That’s a head. That is a head. We are not making it to the hospital.”
“I told you we should’ve scheduled a C-section!” Meredith wailed.
“You also told me we didn’t need to baby-proof the bathroom yet, so here we are!” Addison was already grabbing towels and yelling for Siri to call 911. “Okay. Deep breaths. Just not too deep. You still have pepperoni in your lungs.”
Meredith barked a laugh that turned into a groan. “If this baby comes out named Pizza, I swear to God—”
“She’s crowning, babe. You gotta push.”
“ On the toilet?! ”
“Alright, fair. Let’s relocate—bathtub time.”
Addison gently helped her wife up, maneuvering like a bomb squad technician diffusing a crying explosive. She padded the tub with every towel they owned, braced herself, and locked eyes with her wife.
“You got this.”
“You owe me a lifetime supply of back massages.”
“Deal.”
⸻
Ten minutes later…
The bathroom echoed with one final scream… followed by a new one, high-pitched and perfect.
Meredith collapsed against the tub wall, crying and laughing at the same time as Addison cradled the tiny, slippery bundle they’d brought into the world.
“Hi, baby,” Addison whispered, her voice cracking.
She gently placed their daughter on Meredith’s chest. The baby squawked indignantly, already full of attitude. Meredith sobbed. “She’s perfect. She’s so small.”
“And very vocal,” Addison smiled, brushing hair from Meredith’s sweaty face. “Definitely yours.”
Meredith looked up at her wife with glassy eyes. “We just had our daughter in a bathtub.”
“Yup. Home birth. Very granola of us.”
“I still want pain meds retroactively.”
“I’ll call it in,” Addison winked.
They stayed like that—wet, exhausted, stunned—wrapped around their brand new, screaming miracle.
“Oh my God,” Meredith breathed. “We’re moms.”
“You’ve been a mom,” Addison said, her voice soft. “But this—this is ours. ”
Meredith kissed her baby’s forehead, then Addison’s. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
The baby made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a fart.
Meredith blinked. “Did she just—?”
Addison snorted. “She takes after you already.”
⸻
In the middle of a tea-scented, pizza-regretful bathroom, love expanded. A little messy, a little loud, but absolutely perfect.
And honestly? They wouldn’t change a thing.
Except maybe the peanut butter.
⸻
The baby was swaddled in a towel that had probably only been used for hair once or twice—look, desperate times, okay? Meredith was slumped in the bathtub like she’d just survived a medieval battle, Addison kneeling beside her in soggy socks and a red robe with little stars on it, like some kind of wizard-doula hybrid.
And then—
DING DONG.
Emergency services had entered the chat.
“Oh my God,” Meredith whispered, eyes wide. “You called 911?”
“You screamed my full government name from a toilet, what did you think I was gonna do?” Addison whispered back, cradling their daughter as the baby let out a squeak that was equal parts cute and vaguely judgmental.
Footsteps thundered up the stairs.
“Addie, if a man with a mustache walks in here and sees my vagina, I will haunt you.”
Before Addison could promise to murder any mustached intruder with her bare hands, the bathroom door burst open—dramatically, of course—and three EMTs entered, freezing at the scene like a Scooby-Doo reveal.
There was a tub.
There was blood.
There was a baby.
There was Addison Montgomery in a bathrobe holding a newborn like she just summoned it from another dimension.
“…Y’all good?” one of them asked, clearly reconsidering all of his life choices.
“Peachy,” Addison said, not even looking up. “Vitals are stable, APGAR score looks like an 8 or 9. Can I get some clamps and a fresh blanket?”
The EMT blinked. “Uh—are you a doctor?”
Addison gave him a look . The kind of look that could turn a man to dust.
“I’m a neonatal surgeon. I specialize in delivering babies born with their internal organs outside of their bodies. This was a Tuesday to me.”
“…Cool. I, uh, fix broken arms. And once removed a Lego from a toddler’s nose.”
“Impressive. Truly.”
Meanwhile, Meredith—still in the tub, still half-naked, still emotionally wrecked—lifted a finger. “Can someone please get me a blanket and some dignity?”
“On it, ma’am,” one EMT said, gently draping her in something that smelled like antiseptic and confidence.
The female EMT stepped forward, smiling softly as she approached. “Hey there, Mama. You just gave birth at home—do you want to go to the hospital, or do you feel okay staying here?”
Meredith blinked at her. Then at Addison. Then down at her very loud baby, who was currently chewing her towel like it owed her money.
“…I want pancakes.”
Addison kissed her forehead. “She’s fine.”
⸻
Thirty minutes later
The bathroom was clean(ish). The EMTs had left (after taking a group selfie with Addison, which was not Meredith-approved), and Addison had finally changed out of her robe into actual clothes. Meredith was wrapped up in bed like a burrito with their baby asleep on her chest, looking both radiant and like she’d fought a bear.
Addison brought over a plate of pancakes and sat on the edge of the bed. “You did good, babe.”
Meredith groaned. “I gave birth in a bathtub. I look like a drowned rat. My ass is numb. And our daughter came into this world watching me cry while trying to hold in pee.”
“Okay, yeah. All true. But…” Addison leaned in and kissed her softly. “You also brought the coolest, sassiest little human into the world. With no epidural. In a bathroom. You are a goddess.”
Meredith cracked a sleepy smile. “You’re just saying that because I didn’t name her Pepperoni.”
“Oh, I still might put it on the birth certificate as a middle name.”
“Addison, I will kill you. ”
⸻
Later that night…
They lay together in bed, their newborn between them, finally quiet. Peaceful.
And just as Meredith began to drift into sleep, her eyes fluttering closed, she whispered, “Next baby? Hospital. Drugs. No bathtub.”
Addison smirked. “Next baby? You’re lucky if I ever let you near pizza again.”
A soft gurgle rose from their daughter’s tiny body.
Meredith opened one eye. “Was that…?”
“Yup,” Addison said. “She just farted.”
They both burst into laughter, their baby wiggling like a little burrito bean in the middle.
And there it was: a family.
Messy. Loud. Unexpected.
Perfect.