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Stretched out on his couch, illuminated by only the soft glow of lamplight and the harsher glow of the television, Oliver let out a groan as he tried not to think about the last week. The last twenty four hours. Whatever he was watching, a movie favorite, had become meaningless background noise unable to calm his racing brain.
He understood the anger. The hurt. Everything was an ungodly mess and there was nothing he could do but sit back and just….wait.
It made his skin itch. Made his head feel like it was full of buzzing, angry bees. How it all turned into this was both shocking and not surprising all at once. And while his head felt like bees, he knew that all of social media, the fanbase, was like enraged hornets that got their nest kicked in.
The urge to pack up. Pack up his dogs and fuck off to literally anywhere else, was tingling under his skin. Making him vibrate. He could just do it. Just throw shit in a bag, pile his dogs and himself in his truck and just drive.
He would. If not for one thing he’d have to leave behind.
The one thing that was turning the lock on his front door and letting himself in Oliver’s home.
“Ry?”
Ryan didn’t respond. He just closed the door and locked it. He toes off his shoes. He gives Jade, who came over to greet him and pat and a smile before walking over to Oliver and wordlessly settled between Oliver’s legs and on Oliver’s chest. He lays there for a moment before lifting his head up and placing a soft kiss on Oliver’s recently described ‘plump’ lips and lay his head back down.
Oliver put his arms around Ryan, deeply inhaling the scent of Ryan’s shampoo, coconut and vanilla, and exhaling, the weight of Ryan’s body on him giving him comfort and calm.
“What are you watching?” Ryan asked, the smell of Oliver’s hoodie, a mix of Oliver’s natural scent and his fabric softener giving Ryan his own feeling of comfort. He let out a groan when he looked at the movie playing on the screen. “Really.”
Oliver couldn’t even be bothered to feel any shame at having put in Step Up: Revolution. Not that he had any shame about it. He didn’t. “Yes. Problem?” He chuckled softly.
A smile played on Ryan’s lips. “No. But I think we should put on one of your greatest hits after.”
“No we won’t be doing that.” Oliver said, feeling Ryan’s chest vibrate as he laughed.
“But I love Mindgamers.” Ryan giggled, earning him a light sway on the butt from Oliver.
“Oh piss off.” Oliver said, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Oli?”
“Yeah?” Oliver replied, reaching a hand up to stroke Ryan’s hair.
“How did this get so messy and ugly.”
Oliver tightened his hold on Ryan. “Too many bad and not well thought out decisions. Things too rushed. It’s not our fault though. So don’t you dare blame yourself. We have a job to do and we did it. We did our job. We don’t get to make the big decisions. I wish we did but that’s not how it works. We can have input, sure. But at the end of the day, the final decision isn’t ours.”
“People are blaming us. At least for the buddie part. Throwing that word around. The shit they’re saying about you. Me.” Ryan said, curling his fingers into the fabric of Oliver’s hoodie.
“Stay the fuck off of Twitter, Ry. Stop reading posts and comments. You’re only going to make yourself sick with upset. All we can do is remember that we did our best with what we could and couldn’t do and say and that this fucking disaster isn’t on us. We have no control and are just doing our jobs.”
“All of the press we did, should have waited until after the finale. Don’t you think? I get why people are upset. How all of that was perceived.” Ryan said.
Oliver hummed in agreement. “I agree. Nothing was handled well. Everyone’s characters, Peter most of all, got fucked hard and this, it’s just really shit. Everything I’ve been fighting for. For me and you, Buck and Eddie, if I hear the words ‘not yet’ one more bloody time-“
Sitting up, Ryan leaves forward and places a gentle kiss on Oliver’s lips, his hand cupping Oliver’s neck and rubbing softly. “Breathe. Not going to spin out. Either of us. I kinda did that on the drive over actually. I feel better now though. Here. With you.”
Oliver huffs out a laugh and smiles.
Ryan smiles back and presses another kiss to Oliver’s lips. This time longer and deeper.
Oliver kisses back, humming softly as he opens his lips to allow Ryan entrance.
Ryan takes full advantage and licks his way into Oliver’s mouth. His hands curling against Oliver’s ribs before he drags them up Oliver’s chest. Oliver’s own hands gripping Ryan’s hips, moving down to briefly give Ryan’s ass a squeeze.
They kiss like that for a while before Ryan breaks the kiss and smiles down at Oliver. Placing a tender kiss on Oliver’s flushed birthmark and then lying back down, his head pillowed on Oliver’s chest once more. “It’ll all be ok right? It’s not all for nothing?”
“Yeah. We just have to ride this shit show out and get it all back on track. It’s not all for nothing. It’s just being taking down the messiest fucking road imaginable. I’m still livid over Peter. How that was even a decision that was made. Absolute rubbish. I really think maybe we all need to have a sit down with Tim, everyone, and air our grievances and figure this all out. No one is happy and everyone is suffering.”
“Oli? Not that I want to, come out, like this. But…If we….if we were open. About us. Would that help?”
Their relationship was something they kept to themselves. Finally giving in to the tension and feelings that had been harboured on both sides for as long as the show has been running. It was nearly two years of loving each other privately. Going public was something they both did want eventually, but it was also something that had to be handled with care. Something they both had to be ready for.
Oliver tensed, putting his hands on Ryan’s shoulders, pulling him up. He packed his hands gently on Ryan’s face, tipping it up to look at him. “No. Get that out of your head. This will not be the reason we become open. We will not be forced out to save face. We have no face to save. We didn’t do anything wrong. I will not allow you to do something you’re not ready for. To come out like that. You have a lot more at stake than I do. You need to do this for yourself and no one else. The way you want. When you’re ready. So, no. That’s not an option.”
Ryan nods from the gentle grip of Oliver’s hands and turns his head to place a kiss on Oliver’s palm. “Thank you.” Ryan breathes, relived. “Yeah. Ok. God I just want to be away from all this. Just like, a week not having to think about any of this.”
A small smile plays upping Oliver’s lips. “Funny you say that. I was thinking, just before you came over, that I want to just throw a bag together, pack up the dogs and fuck off for a while. So, what if, I did that, and you came with.”
“You-really? You’d want me to come with you? I’d get to join an Oliver off grid adventure? Like, a little couples trip?” Ryan smiles.
“Yes. I very much want. Completely off grind. Very couples trip. That I will not be sharing a single thing from.”
Ryan places a kiss that’s more teeth due to the smile that’s threatening to split his face in two. “Just a week. Won’t been too suspicious and I don’t want to be away from my babies for too long.”
Oliver kisses back and brushes Ryan’s now named ‘slut strand’ off his face. It falls right back. “Perfect. That’s perfect. I would never keep you away for too long. You’re a good dad you know.”
Ryan smiles. “Thank you. You’d be too. Just so you know.”
“You’re a good man too.”
Ryan left out a soft huff. “Sometimes I wonder. But then, you love me so I guess I’m doing something right.”
“No one’s perfect Ryan. Myself included. This whole season. This last week. Has been proof of that. It’s going to take a lot of digging to get out of this hole. I’ll say it again, we are not at fault. We did our jobs and did what we could with what he had to work with. Not our fault the boss is a daft fuckwit.”
“Yeah. I just keep, in my head, I just keep coming back to the things people are calling me and you. I feel like a bad person again.” Ryan says, worry washing over his features.
Frowning, Oliver, strokes Ryan’s cheek with the pad of this thumb. “You’re not. Not even back then. Your actions, yes. You? Never. You don’t deserve this. People need to touch grass, as they say. We can’t come right out and say people want to hear and I don’t think people realize how exceedingly difficult is is to lie and evade. To not give things away no matter how much we want to.”
Ryan just nods silently.
“You really think I’d be parent material? I mean to human children?” Oliver smiles.
Ryan lets out a laugh. “Yes. I do. I don’t know if that’s what you want, with me. With my kids. But I want that. Or whatever role you’d be comfortable with. I want you in my life. All of it.”
It was always unspoken between them. Having this relationship and what that would mean in the long run. It always made Oliver a little nervous. Never having been sure that, a family, was something he saw in his future. Ryan, though, Ryan was changing that.
“As long as it’s with you.”
“Like I said. Whatever part you want in their lives, whatever you’re comfortable with, it’s yours.”
Oliver kissed Ryan again with a soft hum. “So. Where do you want to go for a week to escape this disaster before it gets cleaned up.”
Letting out a contented sight, Ryan flips his body and lays his back on Oliver’s chest. He takes Oliver’s hand, entwining their fingers and laying their joined hands over his heart. “As long as I’m with you, don’t care.”
“I love you” Oliver whispers softly.
Ryan brings their joined hands up to his lips and places a kiss on Oliver’s knuckles. “Love you too.”
Everything was a mess. Holding on to hope to come back from it all, to heal all the hurt and to give everyone what was needed and deserved, to right all the wrongs, was all they had. For now.
But until then, they have an escape, the have hope and they have each other.