Chapter Text
Suguru had been teetering along the edge for months now.
Almost an entire year to be exact.
Satoru and Shoko had tried their best to pull him away from it, when they noticed him starting to fall off. Tried to hinder him from jumping head first into the pitch-black, all-devouring abyss of his mind.
The deterioration of his sanity had started slowly after Riko’s death. But somehow the blows wouldn’t stop coming. He’d absorbed so many curses over the cause of a single year, that he wished to have lost count. Then, they had almost lost the purely good soul that was Haibara. The boy had only survived by the miracle that was Satoru being sent in as backup and a whole lot of Shoko’s healing and he had the scars to prove it.
Otherwise Yu would’ve been another person on their long list of sorcerers who died protecting the weak.
And those monkeys didn’t even appreciate it.
Suguru guessed that that’s just how life as a jujutsu sorcerer was bound to be.
Full of misery and death and mistreatment.
But this?
While his friends had done everything to try and pull him back, this had the capacity to send him flying over the edge and with that right into the dark, looming chasm of insanity.
“What is this?” The words barely wanted to leave his mouth, but Suguru forced them out, gritting his teeth as he refused to look at the man and woman who had brought him down here.
His eyes were entirely fixated on the two pitiful children, caged and beaten, watching him with big eyes as they clung to each other. The girls were scared for their lives, looking at Suguru like he was the grim reaper himself, here to take them to their death.
“What do you mean ‘what’?! These two are responsible for the latest incidents, aren’t they?” The man yelled so loudly that Suguru could hear the spit flying out of his mouth. The two girls in front of his eyes flinched and Suguru had to close his eyes for a moment.
He was trying to breathe.
He was trying to calm down.
Suguru had to stay calm.
He had to fulfill his duties as a sorcerer.
“No, they’re not.” Suguru stated, trying to keep his voice level and controlled as he scratched his forehead with the nail of his thumb. He knew these two wouldn’t listen to him. There was no reasoning with these… monkeys.
“These two are certifiably insane! They used their mysterious powers to attack the villagers!” The man raged on, gesturing behind Suguru wildly to undermine his point.
Suguru knew it.
There really was no reasoning with monkeys.
“I’ve already exterminated the cause of those incidents.” He tried to explain once more, feeling hot rage curse through his veins with every passing second. Everything that Satoru and Shoko had tried to soothe in his soul and help him heal was being ripped wide open. Every wound, every sorcerer lost. It was bleeding into Suguru's soul, painting it bright red.
“My granddaughter was nearly killed by those two depraved girls as well!” The woman screeched, her annoying voice tearing through Suguru’s skull like with cruel, cursing sound waves.
“That’s because she-” One of the little girls spoke up, only to be shut up by the hysterical woman again.
“Shut up, you evil little monster! Your parents were just as bad as you two are!” The woman’s voice was dripping with venom, her words speaking ill will into the world.
Typical monkey behaviour, only creating more work for the jujutsu sorcerers that protect them despite being the superior humans.
Suguru finally had enough.
Turning away from the caged girls, he forced himself to smile as he walked up to a candle at the edge of the cellar. He had always been rather good at faking a friendly smile. Taking one last breath he used his exhale to blow out the candle in front of him before turning around to face the man and the woman again.
“Everyone. Why don’t we all step outside for a second?”
The two agreed, clearly under the impression that he’d be taking care of the problem. Little did they know that he was ready to take care of a whole other problem right about now.
Walking up the stairs, Suguru could feel the pure rage and the urge to kill creep under his skin, buzzing and itching in his fingertips to finally put the last nail into the coffin after holding back for so long.
He could make the decision to once and for all change the trajectory of his own and everyone else’s life right now.
All he had to do was finally give in and let himself fall over the edge like he was expecting to fly instead of fall.
If only those damn, bright blue eyes wouldn’t keep appearing in his mind, trying to lure him back with all their love.
Suguru closed his eyes for a moment, thinking about the night he had promised Satoru to tell him whenever this happened again:
“If you ever feel like you’re losing it, you’ll tell me right?” Satoru’s voice had sounded more fragile than Suguru had ever heard it that night.
Suguru hadn’t planned on ever spilling his worries and darkest feelings to his best friends, but they had prodded and pushed for months on end until he finally snapped.
After the initial wave of darkness had splattered out of him, they had spent hours on the floor of Satoru’s bedroom, a snuck in bottle of liquor and a pack of cigarettes shared between the three of them.
Shoko had laughed at both of them for their coughing fits as she guided them through the first proper drags of a cigarette. Before they knew it, the ridiculously expensive bottle of whiskey that Satoru had stolen from his clan’s cellar, had been passed around until it was empty and Suguru had picked up a new unhealthy coping mechanism about half a pack of cigarettes in.
The first few drags of the cigarette had been awful, but the way it calmed his mind almost instantly had felt soothing.
It was so terribly mundane, almost monkey-like, that Suguru wanted to deny it at first, but then it had felt like his head was momentarily floating. Like his brain had been coaxed into relaxation after months of running on overdrive.
Shoko had warned him immediately that the effect of nicotine was temporary and that he would likely want it again soon. Suguru had believed her right away.
Only a while later he had sat there with a second cigarette, hanging from his lips as he held up the lighter he had carried around mostly for Shoko’s sake. By the end of the night, him and Shoko had finished the entire pack, each smoking about half of it, while Satoru had only been able to stomach half of a singular cigarette.
Neither Satoru nor Shoko had judged him for picking up smoking that night. Shoko knew how it felt and while Satoru didn’t really understand the appeal, he was just happy to finally see Suguru’s face muscles relax after so many months.
If nicotine was what it took, so be it, all three had thought.
Needless to say, the nicotine had helped, but it had not been enough.
They had talked for hours and Suguru knew that his friends felt helpless in the face of his depression. But talking to them and being able to share the very belief that something in the jujutsu world needed to change had been enough to pull him from the edge.
Both Shoko and Satoru had agreed wholeheartedly and the three of them had sworn that they’d be the ones to make the change someday.
It had been comfort to know that at least his two best friends could share some of his views. The details of any type of execution could wait.
So, when Shoko had already fallen asleep in Satoru’s bed, Satoru had thrown some blankets and pillows onto the floor for himself and Suguru and the two had kept talking in hushed voices, cuddled up in a pile of consolation.
“Of course. I’ll tell you.” Suguru had answered, Satoru’s head a heavy, warming solace on top of his chest, his hand buried in the soft, white hair of his best friend. Satoru had stayed quiet for a moment, before sitting up to look at Suguru properly.
Those perfect blue eyes had shimmered in the silvery moonlight weakly beaming through the curtains, like the brightest, most beautiful thing in the world. And yet they had been full of pain and worry.
“I mean it, Suguru. If I can’t be with you physically, you have to at least call me.” Satoru had pleaded, grasping Suguru’s hand tightly when he too had sat up.
“I promise I will.” Suguru had assured, squeezing Satoru’s hand in an attempt to comfort his best friend.
“No matter where I am, I’ll try my best to pull you back, okay?” Satoru’s eyes glistened with tears, but Suguru knew they wouldn’t spill out.
Satoru Gojo didn’t cry, after all.
“Okay.” Suguru nodded, being pulled into a tight hug after that.
For the first time in months he had found comfort that night.
Suguru wasn’t surprised that it had been in Satoru’s arms.
“I have to make a quick phone call, this won’t take long.” Suguru announced once he reached the top of the stairs and the cooled night air hit his face.
The man and the woman seemed to have calmed down a little, now that they were out of the cellar, giving him a nod and a small hum as an affirmation.
Suguru fished his phone out of his pocket, pushing it open while simultaneously getting out his pack of cigarettes. He placed one between his lips, quickly lighting it for a deep first drag, hoping the nicotine would put a damper on his murderous rage.
He pressed down the '1' button for his speed dial, waiting for it to start ringing.
Satoru was on a mission as well, so there was a good chance that he wouldn’t be able to pick up right now.
Suguru was proven wrong after only two rings, as he slowly turned around to look at the employers again, disgust bubbling up in his stomach that he tried to calm with another deep puff of his cigarette.
“Yo, Suguru! What’s up?” Satoru’s signature way of lazily dragging out his name managed to calm Suguru’s nerves for a brief moment, “All wrapped up?”
“Not yet. I’ve taken care of the curse, but I’ve run into a bit of a… snag, if you will.” Suguru couldn’t hide his ominous tone from Satoru, watching the man in front of him gulp and the woman shift uncomfortably at his change in demeanour.
“A snag?” Satoru sounded baffled for a moment, before his breath hitched ever so softly, Suguru’s tone finally beginning to sink in, “What happened? What’s wrong over there, Suguru?”
“Two sorcerer children. The village has them caged up in a cellar, beaten and…” Suguru faltered for a moment, hearing Satoru’s breath quicken on the other end of the line, “… and presumably starved. Treated like they are the cause of the incidents when all they wanted to do was help.”
The man opened his mouth to say something, Suguru merely lifting his hand to signal for him to shut up if he valued his life. He took another drag of his cigarette, letting the nicotine soothe his buzzing nerves sparingly as it flowed through his bloodstream.
“What do you wanna do?” Satoru sounded a little hollow, almost afraid of the answer he seemed to know already. Suguru tapped his cigarette, excess ash falling to the ground before he took one last pull, throwing it to the ground and stepping on it to extinguish it afterwards.
“What do you think, Satoru?” Suguru sounded much more cheerful all of a sudden, “I want kill every last one of these filthy monkeys with my bare hands.”
The woman covered her mouth in order to muffle a scream of fear trying to fight its way out of her throat, while the man stumbled backwards a step, lifting his hands to show his lack of interest in a fight.
“Hm.” Satoru hummed, causing a grotesque grin to splay over Suguru’s lips, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Debatable.” Suguru’s voice was calm. He was waiting for Satoru to start pulling, but so far he was tipping over the edge, still ready to let go this time. A snort out of Satoru’s mouth pulled him back into the moment.
“Suguru.” Satoru started, “I know you want to, okay? I get it. I would probably feel the same if I was there. But we want to change something. Actually change. A bunch of dead civilians is a mess neither of us can clean, nor is it going to change anything.”
“We could still bring about change this way.” Suguru argued, “It’s a more direct approach, if that’s what you wanna call it.”
“You want to help those kids right? They’ve probably been through enough, just take them and get out of there. It’s not worth your time, Suguru.”
Suguru let the words sink in for a moment, but before he could answer, Satoru was already speaking again.
“I can’t force you not to do it, but I’m asking you to. Please, don’t. I want to change the world together. You and me through everything, yeah?” Satoru’s voice was gaining back a cheeky edge and Suguru couldn’t help but smile.
“You and me, huh?”
“Yeah. We’re the strongest after all.” Suguru could hear Satoru’s grin through the phone, “Call Shoko, the kids will need a medic. And call Yaga too, see what he can do to have them stay somewhere safe.”
“Okay.” Suguru agreed, hearing a sigh of relief from the other end.
“The parents? Are they…?”
“Dead. From the sound of it.” Suguru sighs and Satoru does the same.
“Of course. Just double-check, okay? And then bring those kids home.”
“I will.” Suguru nodded, forgetting for a moment that Satoru couldn’t see him, “I’ll bring them home.”