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Ann was fearless, there was nothing that made her ever feel afraid. She always thought logically, she never feared something such as ‘the dark’ or ‘the ocean’. That was something people knew her for. There was one thing that always made her nervous, and that's in the district of love.
Love was always a complicated thing for her, she was unsure if whatever she was feeling was romantic or simply platonic, so she stayed away from that. For Ann, it was quite easy. Hiding your emotions and neglecting them— it always came naturally. As if she was just meant to never express, or it could come from the fact that she experienced extreme neglect and had never experienced more than anger growing up as child.
So, that's it. No feelings for Ann, simple. Not until she met this one girl— Hikari Kuina. The store clerk at their local coffee shop. From the very beginning of their meeting, Ann felt something different. After years of ignoring her emotions, they got too strong to the point that she didn't know what to do. Ann was never strong in that category, this was new. This wasn't solvable by science— love goes way beyond that.
She cursed herself for this. The state of the world in accepting the queer community was rough. Everybody knew this, and so did Ann. She always told herself that if she ever fell in love, she'd pursue it in a desperate cling to feeling something other than coldness. Yet, how will she? This time, she felt cowardly. Struggling to find the courage to even confess. So she went silent, staying friends with Kuina— ever so oblivious to the burning pain Ann carried in hiding a big part of herself.
After a while, Kuina came out to Ann, telling her that she's trans— it wasn't easy. Lingering in the back of her mind were the losses she went through for simply being her pure and true self. Ann admired Kuina for this, falling even harder for the woman in front of her. It was hard to admit that Ann still felt afraid. Afraid of her feelings— they burned and burned inside her heart, yearning to be let out. Each time she'd feel overwhelmed, she could always go to Kuina, but her anchor was the exact reason for her current pain.
As soon as Ann found the courage to confess, it was like a 10 ton truck had hit her. Kuina was dating a woman, she was too late. That woman could've been her if she hadn't been so... so timid. That night, Ann cried to her pillow, she could only laugh at herself— her young self that vowed not to ever cry of stupid things. How pathetic, was Ann growing weaker?
Years past, Ann started to date a man in hopes to forget about Kuina. But how could she when she's standing there at the altar, waiting for Kuina to come out— yet she wasn't the bride, she was simply the maid of honor. After Kuina and her soon-to-be wife get married, they're forever bound. Ann could feel her tears, but she ran through it and played it off as ‘sister-like proudness’.
Ann thought, that maybe— just maybe— in her next few lives, she wouldn't waste her time denying who she is. Regrets filled Ann, the once burning red heart that continued to flame because of Kuina was put out, replaced with a darkness that consumed her each day she lived.
A small box that gathered dust under Ann's bed remained untouched, inside it were her letter for Kuina. The ones that she was supposed to give every time she was going to confess, yet backed out. For the first time in months, she took it, dusted it off as she added her last letter. Every unsaid word was written down, promising to herself that— in this way— she could get closure. The next few years that ran by, multiple things happened. Ann broke up with her boyfriend, now ready to accept herself, moving out of her old apartment in a desperate attempt to start a new life. Kuina remained in a happy marriage with her wife, still good friends with Ann.
Kuina offered to help Ann move out, and— well— Ann accepts. “Hey what's this?” Kuina asks as she takes an old dusty box that she found after moving Ann's bed frame. Ann immediately takes it from Kuina's hand and plays it off, “Just a box with things.” Kuina chuckled lightly, raising an eyebrow at her best friend's explanation for the small thing. Ann brushes her hand lightly on the dust-covered box and gives it to Kuina. “Since, we won't be meeting any time soon after my move, there's nothing left to hide” she says in hesitance.
Kuina curiously lifts the lid and found a stack of folded paper that seemed like they had things written on them. She sets the cardboard container down and takes the paper on the top of the pile. She opens it to find that Ann had written letters for her, it read:
To Kuina Hikari,
I'm happy to see you with your wife, I'm glad you've found the one for you. It is hard to keep all of these feelings intact— so— with these few words, I hope to bring clarification and closure for me. I love you, and perhaps, I always will. I've lacked courage in love, I always did. I got with my boyfriend in hopes to forget you, but now I realize, I cannot lock away a big part of me. I hope to meet you in another life— to be your friend once more is enough. I don't expect you to love me, to carry my last name, to grow old with me, to talk to me in the sweetest way. I just wish to bask in the sunlight your presence carries.
Your dearest friend
— Rizuna Ann
Kuina slowly looks up at Ann, the Ann that stood there so still, yet carried the softest eyes. “I'm over you now, don't worry— or at least I think. Now I know I can be comfortable with who I am because you are who I've been looking up to. Point is: being your friend helped me accept myself, so thank you” Ann says. The younger woman hugs her for the last time, and as they're apart, she speaks “I'm glad you now accept yourself, I'm sure your future girlfriend— or wife— would be so lucky to have you.”
So maybe confessing wasn't so bad. The heart that was empty, now felt complete again.