Work Text:
There were things Juyeong was realizing about Dohoe that his teenage innocent mind could not comprehend before.
Obviously, there were bound to be many changes within Dohoe different from his high school days since Juyeong saw him last. Some obvious, like his stoic facades were stronger now. His voice had gotten deep and meditative. Any words ringing from him felt as true as an omnipotent judgement. Despite the fewer emotions, his eyes had small wrinkles at the sides, and when his lips smiled, his eyes smiled with them. Juyeong wanted to see the wrinkles settle more firmly, including the faint smile lines. He wondered if Dohoe saw the lines reflected back at him through his face.
There were also specific realizations that Juyeong had about Dohoe in closed rooms. After the frantic month when Dohoe was callously disarming and Ju Yeong was living each day as if it was slipping beyond his grasps, each movement from either of them shaking the unstable platelets of emotions, the hidden secrets had finally been revealed. The revelation came and took their city to ruins, but now that the dust had settled down, Juyeong could see things more clearly. There were places for new emotions, newer love and desires that are newer still.
During the first month of their step towards reconciliation, the ghost of Dohoe’s dad haunted them. However, after a few weeks, Juyeong noticed that the hustle and bustle, whispers and little joys of their new life had driven the traces of the ghost faint. Dohoe is no longer shaking at the loud sound of a telephone, takes fewer sleep medications, drinks less coffee. Juyeong had ghosts of his own. He no longer kept quiet in meetings with his parents now that he had family of his own. He had burned the heavy cross in the fire above the taekwondo gym and now has replaced it with a small silver chain that he tends to fiddle with out of habit when he is nervous. This has consequently led to another new discovery about Dohoe.
One day, Juyeong was fiddling with his silver chain after looking up a particularly difficult recipe on French toast when he noticed Dohoe with coffee in his hand and glint on his. His eyes, intense and wide, were lingering on his neck and then on Juyeong’s hands. He looked at his hand resting on the table and noticed it had a silver band around his forefinger. Juyeong smiled. The ring was a gift from Dohoe before the court proceedings started. But then Juyeong started whipping the eggs whites and totally forgot about his train of thought to do anything about this new information to focus on airing the mixture.
Juyeong also discovered on a random Tuesday night while watching taekwondo match that Dohoe liked to touch him. Often as much he did that himself.
He remembers during the high school years when Dohoe would sneak into the gym after his school in the pretense of training him and would attempt to run his hands over his arms. Subtle enough so it seemed casual but because it happened often, Juyeong had called him out on it once. Dohoe had stuttered and blushed and denied. It was aggressively cute. However, this new Dohoe had learned a different trick. One that was even more effective. He no longer made excuses to touch him. So Juyeong followed suit and gave himself permission to touch Dohoe as often as the situation allowed.
The present Dohoe would use his words to coax Juyeong to touch him, never directly asking for it but making it impossible for Juyeong to resist. His voice, sweet as honey coaxing Juyeong closer indirectly. Instead of his voice dipping lower, it would sound sharper and more playful. A slight rise in syllable, a little pout when Juyeong tried to resist and open smile lingering on his lips. Then Juyeong would inevitably succumb to his arms and kiss it close.
Juyeong was not a prude. Despite his experience being limited to an awkward fumble in Grade 10, Dohoe in his teens and Dohoe in his thirties, he had dabbled into porn for educational purposes. Yes, only for educational purpose, because he considered it to interfere with healthy desires of a young man. He did not know if he firmly believed in that thought anymore but it was just something that stuck with him even after his long years of transformation. He would rather not admit it, but he had also in the past 12 years, tried drinking himself to oblivion and picking people up. It made him feel horrible afterwards, as if the disgust would swallow his body and he would fiddle with his cross in regret afterwards. The aftereffects of the alcohol were also punishing enough for him to vow never to do it again. Juyeong knew even then that laying with Dohoe felt different. It did not feel like a sin.
The first night they had together after 12 years, before they had laid their hearts completely bare with each other, Juyeong could barely remember anything. He remembers holding Dohoe’s stoic body, his palm caressing his warm back and a vague sense of frustration afterwards. He would rather not recall that memory. It was a necessary step and one that he would never regret. However, it felt like an endless repetition of body on body until they finally stopped and truly reconciled. Then Juyeong felt his vision clear, and he could remember much more.
He remembers when Dohoe would push him down on bed as he trailed his warm lips down his navel. He would then look up at Juyeong as he swallowed his length. Juyeong noticed his expressive eyes would close and open in random intervals. Juyeong would notice the lashes fluttering in dim yellow lamp light as his cheeks hollowed and came up. Dohoe would attempt to hold him with his short delicate hands on the base as he tried to take the rest into his mouth. He would choke a little sometimes. Juyeong would simply lay there and let Dohoe take what he wanted; his enthusiasm was very childlike. Juyeong would hate to deny Dohoe anything in this life.
Sometimes Dohoe would mumble in frustration when his jaw ached, and Juyeong would try to hold him on his shoulders and pull him up without success. Dohoe was adamant and stubborn. His stubbornness had only amplified with time. Then finally when Juyeong came, Dohoe would reach for the tissues.
Sometimes Juyeong wondered how a clean freak like Dohoe could give a blowjob. Dohoe had even tried swallowing once out of his own violation and made a funny face. They had both giggled after. But because Dohoe would go down on him often, Juyeong felt like maybe- just maybe he was not dirtying Dohoe entrirely. Maybe Juyeong was the exception.
Then finally it would be Juyeong turn to give back. Despite initiating most of their encounters, Dohoe was rather shy when he was under Juyeong. Juyeong focused on making it as messy and wet as possible. He never questioned it before why it gave him more pleasure to lick and press into Dohoe’s supple wet skin than to receive the pleasure himself. But taking off his cross, it became clearer to him day by day. Juyeong was a sick person. Crazy enough to want to make Dohoe ‘dirty’ and get depraved pleasure out of it.
The realization did nothing to stop him, instead, as he swallowed his throat around Dohoe’s length that day, he let the saliva pool and trail down. He watched with fascination as it glided at the juncture between his ass and thighs and dip into the valley between his cheeks. It did not take Dohoe time to come in his mouth. But despite the heavy breathing and half-lidded eyes, Dohoe reached out for tissues with trembling hands and handed some to Juyeong without looking at him in his eyes. Juyeong swallowed and used the tissues to clean Dohoe instead. Their encounters ended like this most days, both tired to anything more due to work.
Dohoe was busy finishing his mandated community service hours and studying for exams, and Juyeong was looking to take the entrance exam for taekwondo himself as he prepared while doing odd part time jobs here and there. During the past few months, they had random intervals of time when they would catch up eating together and talking about their day; which would end up in kissing, which in turn, escalated to quick hand jobs.
Sometimes Juyeong would hold Dohoe against the fridge as he took both of them in his palms. Juyeong would notice when Dohoe shivered as he looked down to see the sight. A secret that Juyeong kept closed to his heart was that Dohoe would get extra wanton with his desires when the silver ring stayed on during it. Juyeong himself thought that it came in the way, the slide already a bit dry, but he made sure the ring was touching them as he moved his hands. Dohoe would lean his full weight on him, his head tucked neatly on Juyeong’s shoulders and wet breath being felt through Juyeong’s t-shirt. Juyeong would try to kiss Dohoe so he could swallow those pretty noises, and they would come breathing in each other’s mouth.
After, Juyeong would see the cum stained hands and feel incredible amount of fondness in his chest. Dohoe’s head, which was still resting on him and hands gripping loosely around his back felt like home. He wanted to push them together despite the mess in between them, sticky and warm, but he held back. The urge to ‘dirty’ them both was overwhelming, but he had to get to his delivery job in 15 minutes and Dohoe needed to shower.
Juyeong wanted to fuck Dohoe.
There was no simper way to put it. Sometimes he wondered if Dohoe changed his brain chemistry entirely because he could not remember having this desire so clear anytime in his life. Not when he saw pop-up ads of naked bodies from pirated websites, not when kids in high school sneaked racy magazines in the class and not when he kissed his first crush before he met Dohoe in their teenage years. His desire towards Dohoe also felt pure back when they were young, maybe because he was looking back with rose tinted glasses. His desire now, on the other hand, had grown several heads and it surprised Juyeong how it did not scare him.
There was something else that did.
As he felt bursts of want in his stomach when Dohoe looked at him with crinkled eyes and spit soaked lips after a heady kiss, Juyeong wanted to never stop. Juyeong wanted to make the spit run down his lips and trail along his adam's apple. But Juyeong also never wanted to do anything Dohoe did not want. So, when Dohoe said they should sleep shortly after their makeout session, Juyeong nodded without keeping his eyes off those lips. He wanted to pull Dohoe back and leave openmouthed kisses to the collarbones visible from the stretched neckline of Dohoe’s t-shirt. He wanted to press him to the floor and keep him there. But these desires that would pop up in Juyeong’s mind after Dohoe looked away would come with sudden fear and anxiety that would flag his boner in seconds.
Because there were two months left.
Only two months until the entrance examination.
This was a crucial time for Dohoe. Juyeong would rather die than ruin it for him this time. The thought fueled his nightmares and if he thought about it for too long, he knew he would end up crying. So, he blinked away the start of the thought and followed Dohoe to bed.
Two months dwindled down to a month and Juyeong could notice the changes in Dohoe. Sleep came less often to him, the medicine rarely helped, the lamp was being lit throughout the night and the space beside Juyeong in bed cold until the next morning. The little snacks that Juyeong made for Dohoe in his days off remained on the plate until they were cold. Juyeong did not know what to do so he decided to take a day off from work.
It was like wrangling a lion to bed. Juyeong wondered how Dohoe looked so good hunched over a small desk half his life. Tuesday morning when he felt the bed cold for three days in a row and the hunchback Dohoe in front of desk as usual, Juyeong decided to take matters onto his own hands. Calling a day off was the easy part, pulling a stubborn Dohoe away from his stupid laptop took strength of Hercules.
Halfway through the struggle, it was no longer about just pulling him up by his arms but a matter of putting himself between Dohoe and the table and physically pushing him back. Dohoe might have been taekwondo champion back in his days but Juyeong had played it for a decade more. Finally, Dohoe laid motionless in the bed, given up fighting and Juyeong hugging him from back. Juyeong’s arms and legs were wrapped tightly around Dohoe like an octopus, but when Dohoe abruptly gave up the fight, Juyeong was confused. He was reluctant to let his appendages loose in case Dohoe would choose that moment to break off and sprint back to the desk. Dohoe started coaxing him loose, but any words he said only prompted Juyeong to tighten it further. After a while Dohoe gave that up too and laid sideways in the immovable position.
Juyeong does not remember who nodded off first, probably him, but he slowly came to consciousness by someone touching his neck. He hadn’t realized how tired he had been juggling several jobs. He woke up startled now that he remembered he was supposed to be making Dohoe sleep, not sleeping himself. He could see that their position had changed, Dohoe was now facing him, his own arms wrapped around his waist and Dohoe’s head on his arms. He could feel the tingling in his arms, unsure about how long they had laid like this. Juyeong felt comfort radiating off their tangled bodies.
Have you woken up?
Yes, sorry, how long was I out for?
Two hours, its just past 10 now.
Juyeong removed his hands which he could not feel from under Dohoe and gingerly rubbed his eyes. He looked back at Dohoe who was still smiling, radiant in the soft light coming through the light curtain. His hands were now playing absently with chain and ring on Juyeong’s neck which he had removed from his finger yesterday before gym and looped on the necklace.
Juyeong felt the indescribable joy spreading on his chest and filling his lungs, This was what he had always prayed for in his childhood. He was sleeping in a place that was truly his home and Dohoe was the most beautiful boy in the world in his arms. Even with the dark circles forming underneath his sunken eyes.
Did you get any sleep?
A little.. Dohoe tapered off, his face back to looking incredibly guilty for something he could not control. Juyeong turned towards him and hugged him, his own face resting on top of Dohoe’s head.
Close your eyes. Juyeong whispered despite his body wanting a stretch. No cheating. He added.
Instead of listening to Juyeong, Dohoe was inching suspiciously closer to Juyeong, his lips now pressed on base of Juyeong’s neck as he said, Can you make me sleep?
Juyeong smiled, he always liked it when Dohoe asked something from him. Usually, Juyeong would have to guess Dohoe’s needs and hope for the best.
What should I do? Should I sing a lullaby? Should I close your eyes with my hands again? What should I do?
The silence was filled with humming as Dohoe considered his options. Juyeong was not a singer but he tried to remember what could be a good lullaby in his head.
I heard..
Yeah?
I heard that if your body is exhausted, the mind shuts off by itself.
Juyeong tried to understand as he rubbed his palm up and down Dohoe’s back.
Do you want to go to the taekwondo gym, I'm sure she will allow us to use it until the kid’s lesson starts... atleast until 3.
Dohoe let out a groan and stayed still.
Juyeong’s brain was working in overdrive now. Oh.. OH !
Oh ! He repeated aloud dumbly, But I thought because ...
He looked down at Dohoe’s face which peered up at him, faux innocence, and mirth swirling in his eyes.
... exam. Juyeong whispered. He did not want to bring it up, but he had to.
To his surprise, Dohoe just shrugged.
It’s a month away.
Dohoe spoke as if that was a long time, but Juyeong knew that a month was the closest it could ever be and it was now looming over them, somewhat entangled with all the shadow of the traumas. Dohoe’s eyes were downcast as if he was trying to convince himself more than Juyeong.
There were hundreds of emotions swirling in Juyeong’s mind, fear, anticipation, love, unbearable fondness for the man in his arms, anxiety... So instead of speaking, he bent down and laid a firm kiss on Dohoe’s closed lips. He moved slightly apart but Dohoe was snaking his arms around his body, so Juyeong just smiled and placed couple more on his lips and his cheeks.
After.
Dohoe looked at Juyeong in betrayal almost as if a child ready to throw a tantrum. Juyeong never liked to say no to Dohoe, so he averted his eyes away.
The consequence of denying Dohoe was Juyeong being pressed down to the bed as Dohoe climbed on top of him, his legs on either side of Juyeong and his ass pressing directly on top of his stirring interest.
They kissed openmouthed and sloppy. It had been a long time since they had had time, nothing to rush for and nowhere to get to. Juyeong did not want to say it, but he was frustrated as well. The quickie in small breaks they got, worked each time to increase his desire more than to quench it. Slowly but surely, Dohoe started grinding down on Juyeong, both panting on each other's mouths. Although Juyeong did not want to relent to what Dohoe was asking for, in fact he was not even sure if Dohoe was asking for what he thought he was asking for, but there were other things that he could do. The least he could do was partially fulfill his wish and make Dohoe tired. Juyeong knew vaguely that he was building it up way too much in his head.
As they were kissing, Juyeong pushed his hands at Dohoe’s back underneath his t-shirt and pressed him down towards him. He could feel small goosebumps rising in Dohoe’s skin, possibly from cold as the blanket was now trapped under both of their weight instead of above them. As he clasped his hand on back of Dohoe neck and another on his lower back, he quickly flipped them around so that Dohoe was back under him now.
Both were desperate to get naked quickly, so in their usual fashion, they made a quick work of it separately, threw the clothes haphazardly to the floor and collided back to each other for a sweet kiss.
Seeing Dohoe naked always fascinated Juyeong. Dohoe never hesitated removing clothes in front of Juyeong. Even when they were kids, it was always Dohoe who wanted to see them both naked and Juyeong the one cowering into where the lights were off. It felt too much to see each other so vulnerable, so naked. Back then, there was yet another reason for keeping the lights off which Dohoe could not know about.
Now, Juyeong was so hungry for touch or even the sight of Dohoe’s skin that he had no time to think about his own nakedness. Dohoe was always so brave, so strong, and so much like the familiar boy he fell in love with at 16, underneath his padded adult coat and old-school sweater that were sized up. Dohoe did not have any protruding abs or bulging muscles but everywhere in his body, he was smooth and toned. There were no weird bones sticking out, unlike himself where he could sometimes feel the bones in his spine from outside. The small streaks and patches of slightly darker skin was the only evidence of their shared past that remained on Dohoe, fortunately, it did not scar on Dohoe’s skin like it had in his. His own body had bumps and visible raised tissues. But it was a futile comparison. Juyeong’s was a human body.
As he held on to Dohoe’s sturdy waist and pressed it down to the bed and raked his eyes from Dohoe’s neck, and clavicle, to his chest, to his stomach, and his sides, he noticed something else. He noticed Dohoe’s hands curled up on the sheets, white-knuckled and gripping tightly. Dohoe was shy, and it was adorable. So Juyeong stopped staring and bent down to kiss Dohoe once again. Dohoe made Juyeong want to be brave like him.
Slowly as they resumed their previous passion, his hands skimmed over Dohoe’s rib case. Then he trailed his lips little down to Dohoe’s neck sucking on the pulse there beating loudly on his lips. Dohoe skin felt pure and untouched. Like a cherub who came down to earth only yesterday. But Dohoe had seen too much and been through too much. And despite that, there was sweet innocence to him now as he laid pliant on bed waiting for Juyeong to continue, his eyes open and expecting. Juyeong knew decidedly then that he could never be a devout to his religion. What he was doing now would be too sacrilegious, his desires too crude, and his want burned him from the inside.
He went on kissing forever and Dohoe did nothing to stop him beside quiet moans and tightening hands on his shoulders and hair as Juyeong moved to kiss his other nipple. He could see the purple bruises blooming from Dohoe’s neck to beside his left nipple. Juyeong wanted to cover more of Dohoe’s body with these marks. The vision it painted on his mind was ironic. He would repress that particular intrusive memory that came with it so down into the recess of his mind that it would never mingle again with this happy one.
Ah..
Dohoe tightened the hand on Juyeong’s head further as Juyeong bit into the side of his chest. Apologetically, he licked small indents on the supple skin and looked up at Dohoe. Dohoe looked so utterly debauched. His hair was in disarray despite no one touching it, he must have moved it himself as Juyeong saw one of his arms bent around to hold the pillow above his head. The arm holding him had now fallen to his side, palm up and loose. His mouth was open and want so evident in his watery eyes, the biting must not have been a problem.
Juyeong thought his hands were flailing as they kissed each other again. Their bodies were attempting to move together as Juyeong lost control of his limbs and let them do what they wanted. Instead, Juyeong concentrated in his hands covering the span of Dohoe’s stomach.
He loved to see his fingers fan out to touch Dohoe’s skin. Juyeong had never told Dohoe this secret, but it gave him butterflies to see himself touching random places in Dohoe body. His shoulder, his sternum, his fingers at the side of his ribs. It didn’t even have to be sexual most times. But today as Juyeong’s fingers pressed in Dohoe’s ass gripping them and seeing the flesh jut out from the spaces between his fingers, Juyeong didn’t think he would last long. He felt a strong urge to reach with his mouth on the bulged flesh. So he did, biting at the junction between Dohoe’s ass and thighs.
Dohoe was still wriggling below him, so Juyeong looked up just to see him pull out lube from the edge of the bed. But Juyeong didn’t want to stop this just yet. He kept kissing and licking where he could until Dohoe forcefully thrusted the bottle to Juyeong’s face.
The first time they slept together in high school days with nothing but innocent touches and naked body with each other under the covers, Juyeong felt at peace. It felt like laying beside a warm furnace of home on a Christmas night. The cross-necklace laying on the table beside Dohoe’s Chapstick didn't feel out of place. Now as Juyeong was over him, kissing away on his stomach and fingers prodding wet inside Dohoe’s insides, he no longer felt just that. He felt desperate. Dohoe’s moans would ring in Juyeong’s ears muffled from the stubborn press of Dohoe’s thighs besides his head. But even as Dohoe writhed in pleasure, Juyeong still wanted more. He wanted to press himself in the tight wet space in Dohoe body and stay there. He wanted it wet and messy and imprinted forever in Dohoe’s mind and body. He wanted it in all ways humanly possible and then more. One day, Juyeong feared he would lose his sanity in longing for what he already has. He had always been greedy for things he desired, a bad thing to be when he had the cross. He wasn’t sure of the same when he had the ring now instead.
Juyeong could hear Dohoe mumbling above him, his hands trying to press Juyeong away from him. Juyeong ignored it in favor of increasing his fingers to three as he pressed it in and mouth latching onto the rim of where the fingers disappeared. Dohoe did not stop writhing away from him, so Juyeong, equally stubborn, held his hips and turned the two fingers inside him to three and sometimes four. Juyeong wanted Dohoe to come like this, so in a particular thrust, he found Dohoe’s prostrate and stayed there rubbing it.
Juyeong felt as Dohoe tensed up in his fingers so he quickly removed them and replaced the action with his tongue instead.
Kiss.. Juyeong finally heard from Dohoe. It pulled his heartstrings despite what they were doing. He looked up and saw Dohoe breathing heavily, eyes half closed looking and waiting for him. So he reluctantly crawled up and looked at Dohoe. He wanted to close the small remaining distance between them but he stayed put hovering above as Dohoe’s sure hands caressed his arms and stilled at his nape playing with his hair.
Dohoe made an attempt to pull him down again, but Juyeong was as surprised as he was touched
Are you sure? Juyeong asked. He wanted to make sure. His mouth had just been in places, and despite Dohoe asking for it, he wanted to make sure. He was also not sure how he could hold back once Dohoe let him loose.
Dohoe rolled his eyes and pulled Juyeong down again. Juyeong felt freer than he ever had before when he went down and kissed Dohoe filthy. And then he did not stop and kissed his sweet cheeks and his temples and eyes and nose and again until they were both laughing breathily.
Juyeong loved Dohoe. He was aware Dohoe loved him too and despite how long they had known and understood these feelings for each other, Juyeong’s heart soared every time he learnt something new about Dohoe.
One of Juyeong’s hand slowly stretched down to hold Dohoe’s ass in place as he grinded down himself. Once in a while, his dick would catch in Dohoe’s hole but it was too slippery, it would glide up and graze his balls instead. And it would repeat again, giving Juyeong a short burst of anticipation followed up with snowballing frustration for Dohoe. Dohoe tried to bring his hand down to hold Juyeong and direct it inside himself, but Juyeong held his hand and put it up next to his head instead.
Dohoe closed his eyes and did not move it away even after Juyeong let go. They were now fully grinding onto each other, each time Juyeong’s dick would catch a little longer and pleasure would shoot up his spine when it rubbed his hole. Dohoe was getting louder and louder, most of it swallowed by Juyeong’s mouth as he licked in Dohoe’s mouth filthily. Dohoe has resorted to gripping his hands on the pillows instead.
It went on like that for a while. Juyeong noticed how Dohoe tried to lie still despite his body stretching taut from anticipation. Juyeong once again moved himself away from Dohoe’s hole when all he needed was a little push. He didn't know why he was stretching it out either.
He suddenly felt himself being pushed away from Dohoe. After stumbling away, Juyeong propped himself in his hands in shock as he felt Dohoe shimmy away and hike up in his elbows as well. Juyeong was now sitting on Dohoe’s lower legs looking at him with surprise, and when their eyes met, Dohoe removed himself from Juyeong entirely and sat up. Then all of a sudden, he saw a sob break out of Dohoe as he sat there dumb and helpless. Juyeong felt he could finally move his rigid body once he saw Dohoe hands bunch up in front of his face as his shoulders moved in small hiccups.
Juyeong was panicking. He did not know what happened, he thought they were both having a great time and so close to coming. Now Dohoe was crying because of him. And Dohoe never cried. Not when he was bullied by his friends, not when he failed the test and definitely never when he was with Juyeong.
Dohoe-ah.. Dohoe-ah.. Hey hey .. Juyeong slowly touched his arm trying to get it away from his face to see him.
Dohoe was still pulling his shaking breaths in, Juyeong was devastated. When prying his hands did not work, Juyeong hugged Dohoe tightly and rocked him slowly until he calmed down. The sobs subsided after minutes and now Dohoe was hugging Juyeong back, his hand loosely wrapped around Juyeong’s naked shoulders.
What happened? Juyeong whispered.
There was a stretch of silence where Juyeong was holding his breath mentally preparing for what was to come from Dohoe. It had been so long since he was hurt by Dohoe’s words and now, he felt weaker preparing to face the upcoming sentence than he ever was. He was getting too used to warm words from Dohoe, it would be harder to bounce back from one harsh one than he could stand facing 12 years of silence. An appropriate punishment for the sin perpetrated.
Why don't you want to fuck me?
Dohoe voice was surprisingly stable even when it was muffled by his shoulders.
Shocked once again, Juyeong abruptly pulled Dohoe away from his arms. Juyeong opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to form a sentence but stopped and started questioning what he heard instead. Dohoe was slightly hunched, looking his red eyes down at the space between them.
What. Juyeong voiced finally.
Dohoe looked up at Juyeong, and this time, he looked unsure of himself.
You are wearing my ring. He said accusatorily, and Juyeong felt the small ring of metal that was hanging on his throat with his fingers even more confused.
I don't understand why you wont ... Dohoe tapered off and Juyeong noticed the redness in his ears and flushed chest littered with small blooming bruises that he placed there. Before Dohoe could make another attempt to finish the sentence, Juyeong pulled him back into his arms.
Juyeong hadn’t even realized when he had started justifying suppressing his emotions and desires around Dohoe. They hid things from each other before, but it never went well for them. Dohoe had just started opening himself more, while Juyeong was repeating the mistakes he made with his old family. Even with this fresh start, they had reverted to their old habits. It was also not a surprise that Dohoe would notice before he did himself.
I want you so much. Juyeong said.
Dohoe stayed quiet.
I want you so soooo much. Juyeong smiled this time. Nothing mattered to him more than Dohoe.
Instead of reiterating it again, Juyeong bent down, holding Dohoe at the base of his nape with both hands tilting his head up towards him and kissed him. Juyeong could feel some tears on Dohoe’s cheeks so he put as much want as he could in the kiss to quell any doubts inside Dohoe’s mind. They both separated only to catch their breath, the saliva strand barely broken before Juyeong kissed him again whispering, I’m sorry in between each interval.
Juyeong was so stupid. Dohoe clearly needed him now more than whatever he had judged Dohoe needed in his stupid head. He had made the same mistake again, he had selfishly put too much meaning on a simple act, decided by himself that anything before the exam would be bad for Dohoe.
Juyeong hated that he made Dohoe cry. What Juyeong hated more was that he had the power to make Dohoe cry. It felt like a world on his shoulders.
Juyeong felt as tension bled out from Dohoe’s shoulder, so he slowly reclined them both back to their initial position. He held Dohoe’s thighs, pushing them apart and aligned himself in between his legs, he had enough of waiting as well.
Juyeong finally pressed himself in as he stretched Dohoe open slowly and firmly. He closed his eyes with a shaky exhale as Dohoe held him tightly. When he felt that he could not push himself in anymore, not without hurting Dohoe, he began slow and shallow rocking, The slow pressure increased further as Juyeong went a little bit deeper with each thrust until he was completely inside Dohoe.
Juyeong was going a little bit insane at the noises Dohoe was letting out as he pushed in. Every time he withdrew a little bit and went back in, a moan would tear out of Dohoe that he had never heard before. Dohoe was not a very vocal person, his reaction mostly made of heavy breathing and occasional deep sighs and quiet moans. But the noises were now getting punched out of him as Juyeong tried to find his prostrate and angle his thrust towards it. Dohoe was so tight around him. And so warm. Dohoe felt like homecoming. And he felt completely his.
The feeling was overwhelming for both, and Juyeong bent down to breathe into Dohoe’s mouth.
I love you, Juyeong repeated again as if he was drunk.
They were getting a bit sweaty, both trying to cling to one another, making Juyeong unable to move in any strong way. Dohoe’s arms were wrapped around Juyeong’s back, his eyes closed and lost in pleasure. Juyeong rose to move in strong strokes, but Dohoe let out a whine before Juyeong could go anywhere. Juyeong shushed him and kissed him some more before he kneeled with Dohoe’s legs spreading out on either side of him.
As Juyeong repeated his thrusts in and out of Dohoe, now finally being able to see how debauched Dohoe looked, he wanted to cry. Dohoe eyes were tightly closed, his hands scrunching up the pillowcase and body twisted awkwardly to the side from the pleasure. Dohoe was so boyish in his charms, his voice naturally deep and little breaths he was letting out on each push was unfamiliar and new to Juyeong.
The tremendous effort against the universe it took to get here for both of them was evidenced by even just the amount of emotional toll it took to make love. Now that they have reached here, Juyeong didn't want to come. He wanted to stay like this forever, buried in Dohoe and being cause of his abandon. Juyeong wanted to kneel in the alter of Dohoe and ask for his forgiveness. So Juyeong bent down to bury his face in Dohoe’s chest, no longer able to keep looking at Dohoe without tear pooling in his eyes. He closed his eyes and slowed his thrust, slowly grinding in Dohoe instead, unwilling to end this despite both of them hanging in the edge.
Juyeong lost track of time with the pushing and pulling between them as sweat trickled between their bodies. He felt reborn as Dohoe hand slowly came up and brushed through his hair. Unsurprisingly Juyeong came first. Surrounded in his own sweat, tears and cum, Juyeong was baptized into a new man.
Juyeong noticed Dohoe burying his face into his hair as his body trembled into an orgasm when he wrapped his hand around him not so long after him.
Later, when Dohoe snored in fitful sleep, but asleep nonetheless, Juyeong knew with absolute certainty that Dohoe would do just fine in the upcoming exam. Juyeong also knew that he himself would do just fine in life. His discovery of Dohoe was just a pilgrimage that would lead him back to himself.