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The train begins to pull into the station, so distinct and garish against the grey of his district. It’s relieving to see the simple people of District 12, no bright colors or inane fashion choices, just people, real people, with brighter smiles than usual adorning their face. But among the people are cameras planning on capturing his homecoming. And the excitement of going home has been overshadowed by despair of Katniss’ betrayal and the anxiety of seeing his family again. He wanted so desperately to crawl into his father’s arms and cry like he did when he was a kid. His mother wouldn’t allow such a thing, though. When he turned fourteen she began yelling at his father for coddling him. When he first got to the capitol he was comforted by knowing that at least he had Katniss, who knew better than anyone what he’s been through, to comfort him. Now he has no one.
The train has slowed almost to a stop when he extends his hand to Katniss. Everyone is watching and he knows now that they have to put on a show, even if it turns out Katniss didn’t care for him. He can tell from the movement out of the corner of his eye that she’s turned to look at him but he doesn’t bother to do anything but stare ahead.
“One more time? For the audience?” He asks, though it’s barely a question. He feels so empty that he wishes, suddenly, that he died in that cave thinking Katniss had loved him. Katniss took his hand, squeezing it tight. Originally he would take it as a desire to be close but now he knows it's just her way of playing the part. When the doors opened he was immediately overwhelmed with how loud and bright it was as cameras flashed in his face. Then there’s a small voice that screams out Katniss’ name and a blur as Primrose Everdeen runs into Katniss’ arms. The camera's train on her as she scoops up Prim, smiling wider than she ever did in Peeta’s presence. She presses a kiss to Prim’s temple and her mother comes in to hug them both. Gale and his family joins them, Katniss setting down Prim so she can envelop him in a hug. The hug doesn’t last but something else pulls Peeta’s attention away from Katniss’ reunion.
There’s his father, mother, and brothers walking towards him. He goes to his dad, pulling him into a hug as a sigh of relief leaves his lips. Then, a bit surprisingly, his mother is hugging him too while his brothers pat him on the back. He’s sure the cameras are on them but he doesn’t care. Let Panem think they are a happy family. It doesn’t matter either way. Everyone pulls away and his mom, trying in no way to be quiet, speaks up,
“It’s so great to have you back, honey. We’ve missed you so much.” Peeta freezes, turning to face her. She’s never called him ‘honey’. She never has called any of them by some endearing term. It’s strictly their name or some string of insults. Not only that, she’s beaming at him. His mother always had a stern angry or irritated look on her face, the happiest he’s ever seen her is when she’s able to make more money at the bakery than usual. Yet, here she is, a smile adorning her face. But the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“It’s great to be back!” He tries to meet her excitement despite his befuddlement. He didn’t get to say much else before cameras and microphones were shoved towards him and Katniss regained her position by his side, holding his arm and pressing against his shoulder. Playing her role. To please the Capitol. He suddenly hates her, hates how much he craves and loves her touch and yet knows she doesn't feel the same way. She clings to him like he’s her lifeline but he knows it’s just a performance. Despite the turmoil in his mind he tries his best to answer the questions thrust at them. Everything was moving too fast, too much going on. At some point, a reporter asked Asterid, Katniss’ mother, what she thought of Peeta and she responded that Katniss was too young for a boyfriend. Peeta dropped Katniss hand then, immediately hating how he missed her hand in his. She was probably glad for the separation. But it didn’t last long.
By the time the reporters had packed up to leave District 12 Peeta was exhausted. With a final wave to the stragglers with their cameras still pointed at them, they finally were alone, unwatched by the capitol, and Katniss pulled away from Peeta.
“See you around,” Peeta says gruffly.
“Yeah.” Katniss turns away from him, grabbing Prim’s hand instead and walking away. Peeta watches her a moment before his mothers voice pulls his attention away.
“We’ve prepared something special for you at home, to celebrate your victory. I’m so proud of you, honey!” His mom envelops him in another hug. This time it takes everything in him not to shove her away. Something is wrong. This is not his mother. He realizes she’s waiting for him to say something,
“Thank you.” She lets go, still beaming.
“Alright, let’s head home!” She pats Peeta’s arm and turns towards the bakery, Peeta’s father by her side. Before his oldest brother could walk away, Peeta grabs Brio by the arm.
“What?”
“Why is mom acting so weird? What is going on?” Peeta demands. Brio looks back towards their mother, who hadn’t even noticed two of her boys weren’t following, before looking back towards Peeta.
“I’m sorry, Peeta.” Brio’s voice, always gruff and raspy, was soft.
“What?”
“She bet all of our money on you,” Brio says, unable to look at Peeta, “On you losing the games.” The world began to spin. Peeta backs away from Brio, staring blankly at him. His mouth opens but nothing comes out.
“She did it without talking to any of us. Said we ‘ought to make some money off of this whole thing’” Anger and panic was bubbling up inside him, betrayal and confusion threatening to overwhelm him. He’s trying to take deep breaths, to calm down, but he all but growls out his next words,
“How bad is it?” Brio doesn’t talk for a while, but as Peeta’s eyes bore into him he reveals the answer.
“Rye is thinking he might have to take out tesserae.” It takes everything in Peeta not to explode right there, to start yelling and making a scene. He would never describe his household as one of comfortable living, made up of stale food and hostility, but in comparison to the Seam they had everything handed to them. None of them had to take out tesserae, even if they had to tighten their belts during rough times. Even then, they had enough to eat to get by, unlike most of the district. Burnt and stale bread was a staple in their house. To risk everything, all that privilege and opportunity, by betting against your own child?
Everything clicked into place. “Honey.” “We’ve prepared something special.” “I’m so proud of you.” She wasn’t overjoyed or proud he won the games, she’s doing whatever she can to get his winnings as a victor. Putting on a show, playing her part, because her mistake of a son lived when he was supposed to die. Every nicety just a role to play to get what she wants. First Katniss did it, now his mother. His feet are moving before he can register them, vaguely aware that Brio is shouting something at him. When he reaches his house he slams the door open, something he’s never done for fear of his mother’s biting words. But after the games, after what she did, how could he be anything but angry?
“You bet everything on me dying!?” His mom jumps, sending the cake she was holding to the floor. It lands right side up, Welcome Home Peeta written in neat orange icing.
“What? Who told you that?” But Peeta doesn’t need to answer her as Brio walks in behind Peeta.
“You ungrateful brat!” She immediately screams at her eldest, opening her mouth again to shout more insults but Peeta stops her.
“Shut up!” The whole family stares at him in utter shock. “You don’t get to talk to him that way! You don’t get to talk to any of us that way! I have done everything I can to live by your rules! I have tried so hard to be perfect because no matter what I did I did something wrong! To say you think Katniss would win is one thing but betting against me is- augh!!” Peeta’s vaguely aware that he struck something and it breaks, clattering to the ground.
“I am your mother! I don’t have to explain my actions to you!” She shouts.
“No! A mother cares for her kids! All you ever did was hit and berate me! I don’t deserve this, I never did. That’s it. I’m done.”
“What?” Brio is the one who speaks now, the word slipping out.
“I have my own house now in the victors village. Don’t bother visiting me.” Peeta pushed his way past his mother and the ruined cake towards his room. Grabbing the largest bag he could find, he started stashing everything worth keeping into it. He’s just about to leave when a large figure blocks his door.
“Don’t try to stop me.”
“I’m not.” His dad says, moving past him to sit on the bed. Peeta looks towards the door. This is his out, he can just leave and avoid whatever difficult conversation his dad is surely asking from him now. But his feet stay rooted in the floor as he waits for whatever his dad has to say.
“I don’t approve of what she did. But we need help, Peeta. I’m sorry.” His father looks up at him, almost pleadingly. He knows he’s right, he can’t just leave them all to starve. As infuriated as he is, his father and brothers should not suffer for it.
“A month of my earnings. But she doesn’t handle any of it, only you. Promise?” His father shakes his head yes and Peeta heads out the door. The trek towards the Victor Village takes longer than he thought and the anger only builds as he walks the abandoned path only taken by Haymitch. Finally, he reaches it, the twelve mostly untouched houses that now make up his neighborhood, where the only people close by would be Haymitch, who is too surly for good company, and Katniss, whose presence is too painful to bear. He opens the door to his house and drops his bag by the door. He is immediately hit with how luxurious the house is. Nothing in comparison to the capitol, but so beyond comprehension from his home as merchants.
Everything happens so fast as rage consumes him at the sight, flinging things aside and watching them shatter against the wall. A stool. A vase. Paintings of some capitol site hanging on the wall. His throat burns as he screams. Screams because everything he had and knew vanished the second his name was called in the reaping. And now he was bound to a life of luxuries he never wanted in exchange for suffocating solitude and the torture of the Games he would never be allowed to forget. With every new broken item he feels the tightness of his chest lighten, fatigue weighing him down until he is sitting against the wall panting. It is then he begins to cry, burning eyes to match his burning throat. Sobs choke him and again he wishes for death. Hours pass by but he remains unmoving. Vaguely, he’s aware he hasn’t eaten since the train but he doesn’t feel anything except broken. He almost doesn’t hear the rapping of a fist against his door. He wipes his eyes and examines the state of his knuckles. Rubbed raw and slightly bleeding, small dots of red pooling where the skin broke. He moves across the hallway and opens the door, expecting his mother, but instead there stands Katniss.
She opens her mouth then takes in the sight of the ramifications of Peeta’s anger. Whatever words she was preparing stops in her throat,
“What happened?” If this was any other time, he might have told her. But she wasn’t his lover, not a friend, simply a stranger who shares a painful past.
“I had a falling out with my family.” Is all he says. Katniss’ eyes ask more questions, but he refuses to answer them. “I didn’t think ‘see you around’ would come so soon.”
“Peeta, I’m sorry.” The apology takes him by surprise but more than anything else it brings a new sense of anxiety. If this was anything like the last apology, he’s not sure he could handle it.
“For what?”
“Everything. I- I didn’t realize you weren’t playing the part like I was. I thought it was all some strategy Haymitch prepared you for. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“But you did.” The words came out before he could stop them.
“I know.” There's a silence, a suffocating silence as the two stare at each other. Not exactly lovers nor friends but not just strangers like Peeta thought. Something else entirely.
“So, what does that make us?” He finally asks.
“I don’t know,” Katniss says with a little helpless shake of her head, “I wish I did but.. I’ve been so confused. All I can focus on is how scared I am, there’s not much room for anything else. But..” The words seem to get stuck in her throat, “I know I’m scared of losing you.” Peeta searches her eyes, which are filled with earnest despair. He feels hope flutters in his chest, his resolve, his false hatred of her, cracking as he takes in her words. Even though that short time from the homecoming to now he had missed her, missed her closeness and comfort that he thought he’d never feel again.
“Me too,” he whispers back.
“Friends?” She asks. Peeta smiles.
“Friends.” Katniss smiles, that sweet expression that Peeta so loves. It makes him want to kiss her, to feel her lips on his, but he just looks at her instead.
“I have to help my mother and Prim move in… if you want you could join us?”
“That’s okay, I need to clean up.”
“Okay.” Katniss turns to leave, then hesitates, as if there was something she forgot to do. She looks back at Peeta, starting to move forward for a second, ever so briefly stopping, before kissing him on the cheek and leaving before she could see his reaction. Peeta stares at where she stood as the door closes behind her, his hand slowly moving to touch his cheek where Katniss had kissed him. A smile breaks out onto his face, then a soft exhale of relief. Maybe he hadn’t lost the Girl on Fire after all. Maybe there was a chance for them still.