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For someone who’s birth altered the balance of the world, his death didn’t seem to change much of anything, Megumi thought as he stood in front of Gojo’s grave. Even though it had been months since his death Megumi found himself returning more often than he expected. He knew life was supposed to move on after tragedy, but it felt as though everyone else was taking it in stride while he felt stuck waiting to process what happened. He didn’t know why but he found himself at Gojo’s grave at least once a week, talking to the stone like it was the man himself.
He knelt in front of the stone and looked at the thin layer of dirt that had begun to accumulate on top. The stone seemed too ordinary for someone who had such a vast impact on the world. Megumi had been the only one to ask about Gojo’s grave after he had situated Tsumiki’s grave. He was unable to gather any part of Gojo’s remains, so it was more of a memorial than a grave, but Megumi had wanted some way to honor him. Yuji and Nobara had chipped in a little, but they had limited funds, so the stone ended up being very plain.
“Hello Gojo,” he said as he looked over the kanji of his mentor’s name inscribed on the stone. The grass around the site had begun to grow long, it wouldn’t be much longer till it needed to be cut. “I don’t think you would have wanted me here as often as I am, but I felt the need to stop by again.” His words were swallowed up by the crisp evening air that rustled his hair and the leaves nearby. The weather had been slow to warm up in the early spring, but greenery had already returned full force. The trees were full, and flowers could be seen everywhere. “I’ve already visited you way more than I have Tsumiki which I’m sure would surprise you.” Megumi sighed and moved to sit in front of the stone. Shoko’s latest offering of flowers had long since shriveled up, but Megumi didn’t feel right removing them just yet. He hoped she would return again with new flowers.
Clouds passed by slowly overhead as he sat. The quiet was nice he decided but it was uncharacteristically not Gojo. Gojo was always loud and vibrant. He never knew how to shut up, but Megumi missed his loud voice right now.
“We have asort of split for the moment, me, Yuji, and Nobara. We all have loose ends to tie up, I guess.” He sighed and looked up at the darkening sky. “Nobrara went home to see her mom, I was surprised when she told me. Yuji when back home too. I wonder if he is visiting Ozawa while he’s there.” He said with a huff. “I shouldn’t be bitter, I know he’s there to clean out his grandfather’s house.”
“I know that you didn’t want me to let Yuji go without being honest with him, but I didn’t want to burden him with my feelings. He’s delt with so much by staying with me so far, I can’t ask him for more. He should be allowed to move on,” He let out after a pause.
“If I’m being honest with myself, everyone is moving on, but I’m still here, sitting at your grave.” He thought about Geto. He didn’t know much of him, but he caught Gojo looking at pictures of him occasionally when he was young. He always had a certain expression when he did. He never understood what that meant at the time, but even as an asshole kid he had the insight that Geto was a line he shouldn’t cross. He wondered if Gojo had a grave for Geto that he had visited. He wondered if he grieved on his own or if he talked to Shoko about it. Most of all he wondered if Gojo ever stopped grieving Geto. He didn’t think so. While it wasn’t the same, he didn’t realize how hard Gojo’s death would be on him. As everything slowed down after Shibuya, he expected his feelings to fade, but lately it felt like his grief was only growing stronger.
“It feels like everybody has already forgotten you.” He whispered. “It seems like Shoko has stopped visiting and Nobara and Yuji only visited when I asked them too.” He watched as a petal from Shoko’s flowers drifted off in the wind.
“I know I can’t expect for everyone to wait around for me to catch up, but I expected there to be a greater pause after Shibuya. I lost you and Tsumiki, but I know other people lost more. Even Yuji has no family left, but he seems perfectly ok, why can’t I be ok too?” He looked at the headstone wondering if he would find an answer in the swirling rock pattern. “You know I thought Tsumiki’s death would hurt the most, I thought without her I could never survive. But, now in this future, it's you who I can’t seem to live without.”
“I never thanked you properly for helping me and now I never can. I think I thought you would live forever; I thought you would always be a part of my life and now that you aren’t I don’t know how to return to normal.” Megumi thought back to when he was little. Gojo put up with so much shit from him. He didn’t even need to take him and Tsumiki in, but he did. It wasn’t perfect but Gojo was there for him when he needed him. The sky was darker now, today there was no vibrant sunset, just a slowly darkening grey sky. Megumi thought it was fitting for this moment.
“If your birth shifted the balance of the whole world, why does it feel as though I am the only one altered by your death.” He whispered as a silent tear slipped down his cheek.
The world stayed quiet as he continued to sit. The wind grew colder as the sun finally dipped beneath the horizon. Even with his admission nothing changed, the earth kept on spinning and Gojo Satoru stayed dead.