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Ryu Ho Seon observed his wife from a small distance. In the kitchen, his mother and sister were teaching his beloved how to make his favorite tea.
Ho Seon had a small smile on his lips. Ki Wan watched everything with great attention, following his mother’s hands every movement. The smoke from the teacup was visible from the small distance, the smell of the herbs filling his nostrils and a weird feeling flooding his heart: contentment. Being with his family in the last weeks has bought him a peace he had never felt, he realized, and for a moment he let himself believe that was his real life.
Lost in his thoughts, Ho Seon didn’t notice when Ki Wan locked his eyes on him. They stared at each other for a while, another smile escaping Ho Seon’s lips, making Ki Wan look away, blushing a little.
They kissed the other day. A chaste touch of lips just to show his mother the affection she so much desired to see between her son and daughter-in-law. A sign that his marriage was working and maybe, in a few months, there would be a child on the way. Ho Seon didn’t enjoy lying to his mother, but he agreed to this whole situation the morning he woke up with Choi Ki Wan pretending to be his wife.
It was him who suggested the kiss, after hearing his wife talk about how he was afraid Mother was suspicious of him. She thought her daughter-in-law wasn’t really trying to get close to her husband, or maybe even pushing him away.
“I don’t know how to keep this farce, Ho Seon, I think she knows something, or at least she suspects something” – Ki Wan rambled in their room at night, pacing in front of Ho Seon.
“We should kiss” – Ho Seon said, with the most neutral voice tone he could manage to put on.
Ki Wan stopped on his tracks. He had his back to his husband, turning around very slowly with wide open eyes.
“We should show her we are happy together” – Ho Seon then hurried to follow. “Kissing for her to see”.
Ki Wan didn’t respond. There was a lot going through his mind. Ho Seon got close to him, taking his hands.
“I’m sorry. I did not want to offend you”, he tried to assure Ki Wan.
“I’m not offended”, Ki Wan responded, lifting his head to look into Ho Seon’s eyes. “I’m just grateful for everything you have been doing for me”.
“I think you’re a really brave man, Choi Ki Wan”, Ho Seon told him. “Doing what you’re doing for your sister.”
“I’m just trying to protect her. You would do the same for yours”. Ki Wan extracted himself from Ho Seon’s hold. “And about us kissing…”, he took a deep breath, “maybe you’re right. Maybe we should.”
It happened three days after that. They were eating on the porch alone, but Ho Seon’s mother was observing them.
Under the sunlight, in Mother’s eyes, their faces were shining like a couple of young lovers discovering the mysteries and delights of marriage. The kiss was short, but she let out a content sigh.
Now Ho Seon observed his wife and, for a moment, could not think of a reason why they shouldn’t kiss again. He would kiss Ki Wan right now, bringing their lips together and breathing the same air would feel so natural, so simple. He would just have to get close, put his arms around Ki Wan’s waist and… he remembered.
The feeling of Ki Wan’s lips stayed on Ho Seon’s for days after that small kiss. And the thoughts of kissing him again didn’t disappear from his mind either. The hardest part was trying to convince himself why they shouldn't. Not when being near him felt so good, or talking to him always made his heart beat faster and his smile so easy. And certainly not at night, when they laid together on the bed, so close to one another it would take only a small movement of his hand and they would be touching.
The little "goodnights" they had gotten used to exchanging felt particularly heavy for Ho Seon lately. The longer they spent acting out this lie, the more real it felt. Ho Seon feared this feeling would be one-sided, or worse, he was increasingly becoming hopeful that the confusion within his heart would be shared by Ki Wan as well.
From Ki Wan’s side, it was hard to tell. He was always so focused on impressing his Mother. The moments they shared alone were always suspicious, he was almost never truly relaxed. Only in the quietness of their bedroom, when they were reading, studying, or drinking tea together, he would let himself be free and more like Choi Ki Wan, the young master of his house. Ho Seon thought he would be weirded out by this in the beginning, by the fact that his wife was a man, after all, something they only let out in private moments. But instead, he found himself longing for these moments, when they were all by themselves, just two young men that could have been purely best friends. Ho Sean knew how delightful the time they spent together was.
But now they have kissed and the feeling of Ki Wan lips on his hasn't abandoned him yet. It was still lingering, like a touch of warmth or light. Like the smell of the herbs of his mother’s tea, surrounding him and everything around.
This night, when they were lying in bed together, back to back, both pretending to be asleep, Ho Sean could sense the tension coming from the body besides him.
“Are you still awake?” – Ho Seon asked as he turned around. His response came a few instants later, when Ki Wan also moved to face him.
“It’s been three months” - he said. “I’m deeply worried about my sister.”
Without even thinking, Ho Seon reached out and crossed the small distance between them, touching Ki Wan’s shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to comfort the other man, so brave and yet so delicate in this moment.
“I know she must be alright, Ki Wan” – Ho Seon tried to be firm with his words, even if he was whispering them. “Your father is fully committed to finding her…”
“And I should be too” – Ki Wan interrupted, his face contorted with pain, his eyes shining in the darkness of the room.
“You are. You’re being the most committed person to your sister right now, pretending to be her to her own behalf”, – unable to control himself, Ho Seon moved even closer, pulling the other man near to him, wrapping him in his embrace. After a few moments, there was a sob on Ho Seon’s chest, and he could feel tears wetting his clothes and touching his skin. “Please, Ki Wan…”
“My sister could be in danger, lost or hurt, and I...” – Ki Wan kept crying, sobbing into Ho Seon to muffle the sound. “I’m here lying on her husband’s chest, warm and…” - He stoped, abruptly.
Ho Seon touched the other man's face, pushing him away a little just to look into his eyes. He silently asked for clarification, “warm and?”, but Ki Wan turned around again, still embraced by him.
“I’m not her husband”. Ho Seon whispered, lips almost touching the other man’s ear.
Ki Wan tensed even more and Ho Seon tightened his arms around him. They were both breathing hard by now, Ho Sean couldn't help but inhale Ki Wan’s hair, his neck, feeling their skin getting hotter and hotter.
“You promised.” – Ki Wan begged with a murmur.
“I know” – Ho Seon answered. “But when your sister comes back, I don’t think I can pretend it was her all this time.”
Ki Wan sighed and withdrew from the embrace, sitting on the bed with his back to his husband while he murmured. “Then what am I doing here? What is the purpose of this sacrifice?”
Ho Seon sat too, not knowing if Ki Wan was talking to him or to himself.
“It doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to me anymore” – He said, touching his wife’s shoulder once more, feeling the skin that the night robe didn’t cover under his fingers. Ki Wan’s long hair was loose and falling over his shoulders and back along with a gooseflesh running through his spine.
“This will destroy my sister, I can't allow it.” – Ki Wan’s voice was low. He reached for Ho Seon’s hand and removed it from his shoulder.
“And what about us? Won't we be destroyed too? – Ho Seon asked.
Ki Wan turned to face Ho Seon again, looking into his eyes. The things left unsaid between them in the last three months were all coming to the surface, impossible to hide anymore. A desperate sob wanting to ripe their throats.
“We can’t” – Ki Wan tried to say, only to be held again, with Ho Seon’s hands cupping his face this time. “You are my sister’s husband, Ho Seon, you said your vows…”
“Not to her” – Ho Seon said, leaning his forehead against Ki Wan’s. “It was not to her I said my vows, it was not her I brought to this house, to this bedroom, it’s not with her that I lie down every night”.
They were both crying now. Ki Wan’s hands lying on top of his husband’s.
“It’s not her I want to kiss again”.
“I’m a man, Ho Seon. I can’t be your wife.”
“Then I won’t have a wife.”
Before any of them could help, they were kissing, lips tasting the tears that were streaming down their faces seconds ago. One of Ho Seon’s hands ended up on the back of Ki Wan’s neck, underneath his long hair. The other one went straight to his waist, making him whine.
They parted to breath, gasping like two drowning men. Ki Wan knew he should stop this madness right now, he knew he should get up and run from this room, from this house and from this lie that his life had become.
Instead, he pushed Ho Seon against the bed, attacking his lips, leaning over him completely. His hands started fumbling with the other man’s clothes, desperate to touch, to reveal skin. Ho Seon responded excitedly letting Ki Wan have everything he wanted, he moaned loudly in his ear as he helped with the undressing, never stopping kissing and touching.
With Ho Seon’s chest barred under his hands, Ki Wan stoped for a second to appreciate, as if only now coming out of a stupor. His hands roamed over his stomach, over a hard little nipple and Ho Seon writhed, the movement making Ki Wan feel the other man's hardness pressing against his leg.
Ki Wan then thrusted his hips against Ho Seon, pressing his hard cock against the other man. He expected to be thrown off of the bed at this right moment, when his husband finally realized what he was doing, and with whom he was doing it. What he was not expecting was for Ho Seon to keep moaning, for him to thrust back and to open his legs even wider, making space for Ki Wan to fit between them. And so he did.
They got rid of their pants as quickly as possible, without much grace but with intent. Finally free, their bodies were attached to each other like they have been doing this since their wedding night.
“Please, touch me” – Ho Seon begged under Ki Wan. “Please”.
Ki Wan obeyed, one of his hands reached down and wrapped around Ho Seon’s cock, hard and warm. They both closed their eyes, the sensation almost to much to bear. Ho Seon never had another hand on his body like this, always knew it would belong to one person only. And now it belonged to Ki Wan, who also never did this before. It was a while since he even touched himself, being trapped in this awful cage of lies.
But together they found a pace, a rhythm that led them to a pleasure they had never experienced together before.
Under Ki Wan’s hands, Ho Seon came with a grunt, sweat dripping down his face and making his body shine, almost too exhausted to even think. But still so excited, he rushed Ki Wan to lie on top of him and touched him, finding him as hard as he himself had been just moments ago. Ki wan's cock was pulsing, leaking already, and after a few strokes he came too, head resting on his shoulder through his orgasm.
They fell asleep like this, on top of each other, with their own release drying on their skin and with only one certainty: their marriage was consumed, and now, before heaven and earth, they were together forever.