Chapter Text
He’s alone. Completely, irrevocably, alone. The house is too quiet, there’s no crutches scratching across the floor, there’s no pancakes or cookies being cooked in the kitchen, no discussions on wildlife or dinosaurs or the vastness of the sea.
There’s nothing. And Eddie’s alone.
Eddie knows loneliness. He was lonely at war, away from the only family he knew. Away from his mother’s vile tone, away from his wife’s comfort and his son’s faint heartbeat. He wanted to cry, sob at leaving the family he had created, no matter if he wanted the family or not.
Of course, now, Eddie wants nothing but to drive 800 miles to El Paso and grab his son. Jesus, it’s only been 2 hours since they boarded the flight. Buck had left after Eddie broke down sobbing in his arms.
Chris didn’t hug him back. They walked out the door, Christopher’s crutches being the last thing he heard. A warm, knowing hand on his shoulder.
Eddie had turned around, eyes red-rimmed and exhausted. He fell into Buck, his legs going weak as Buck held him up, whispering soft comforts. Just like Shannon had, Eddie thinks.
Everything Eddie did for his son, the nights where he worried about his son seeing him as a failure, the nights he laid awake waiting for the nightmares to come, just wanting to fix the damages that his son had seen, to heal the hurt of the waves crashing over him.
But then, Eddie began having nightmares more frequently. The war, the well, the shooting. More likely than not, his son would find his way to Eddie’s bedroom. Softly opening the door a crack, light from the hallway barely shining through, his son’s small voice asking “are you okay?” and a small pair of limbs cascading his body, easing him into a comfortable sleep.
Eddie had ruined everything, it was always his fault, he always did this to his son. Now, he was alone and had nobody to blame but himself.
He didn’t go to work the next day, and everyone understood. Eddie did nothing for himself, ever, it was only ever for Christopher. Everyone knew Eddie was nothing without his son. His son was the only thing that kept him going.
The texts came through when the calls were few and far between. Hen checking in, making sure he was eating and drinking enough water. Bobby, always reaching out a hand, offering pre-planned meals and a shoulder, if needed. Chimney, sending memes, and awkwardly reaching out, “if you need anything, ykno where to find us”.
But Buck? Buck took the day off too.
Shift started at 8. Buck was at Eddie’s front door with muffins and coffee from their favorite place, miles away from both of their homes. Eddie graciously accepted, while looking like he didn’t sleep for a second. LAFD hoodie clinging to the cold sweat of his body, sweatpants hanging off. His bedhead making his hair go flat against his scalp, except for the back which stuck up. He didn’t care how he looked, his world had been ripped away.
But Buck had come in, sat him on the couch, handed him muffins and coffee. He cracked jokes about how they were skipping work, how they weren’t as dedicated as everyone had thought. At least Eddie had chuckled at that.
Buck puts on Eddie’s favorite comfort show, Full House. Hands him a blanket that he definitely won’t use, but the idea of comfort is anything Buck thinks about. Buck went to the kitchen, cleaning up and doing inventory on the cabinets and fridge.
Buck slyly recommends Eddie get in the shower, he doesn’t get angry, he doesn’t get annoyed. He knows he needs to shower, he knows it’ll help. He doesn’t care, his life was just ripped away from him.
Eddie still showers. He has a warm mug of honey black tea waiting for him. Buck mentions going to the store, but he doesn’t want to go alone. Eddie follows like a lost puppy dog with the pitiful look Buck gives.
The days blur. Eddie doesn’t go to work. He agrees to a few weeks off, Cap’s orders. Eddie doesn’t care. He can’t force himself to care.
How can you function when your life force leaves? What would happen if the sun stopped shining, forcing everyone into a darkness forever until the fields run dry and the electricity stops sparking? What is someone to do in an instance like that, where there looks to be no way out of the darkness? The darkness becomes life, but not a very good one.
Christopher was everything Eddie worked for, everything Eddie did was for his son. Dating Ana, or Marisol, or even Kim, it was for Chris. Bringing Shannon back into his own life, just for her to leave again, was always for Chris. Eddie wants nothing but his son to be happy, and he has tried so damn hard all the time just for that kid to smile at him again.
Will he ever see it again? Will he ever get to see his son again?
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