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It is little things at first.
Charlie forgets where he has kept his keys on the table and Babe has to run out of the door to hand it to him. He is bare feet and huffing and Charlie scratches his head in embarrassment and kisses him on the lips as a thank you.
Then the wallet when they are out on a date and he apologizes repeatedly because he has been the one taking Babe out and in the end, Babe had to cover the bill. Babe jokes it didn't even cause a dent on his bank account to pay for it. "I can afford it, you know." Babe had said. "Why do you act like I am broke, Charlie? Don't embarrass me." And at that Charlie stopped.
It escalates then. He forgets Jeff's birthday for the first time in ten years. Jeff looks at him weirdly during the birthday party Babe drags him to at Alan's house because it is so unlike Charlie. Then he forgets he was to meet the team at the garage on the friday evening and ended up sleeping in instead. Babe finds him in the kitchen, sipping on hot chocolate with half lidded eyes.
"Where is your head these days, Charlie!?" Babe laughs about it.
The older Alpha checks his forehead with the back of his palm, clicks his tongue in disappointment when he is met with nothing but cold skin. "You don't have a fever. So why are you acting like this Charlie?" He seems annoyed and like always, Charlie's heart sinks. He has disappointed Babe yet again. He had thought he had stopped doing that long back. But guess, he never learns. Now Babe looks irritated and Charlie hates the fact that he is one to cause it. "Are you sick? Do you want to see the doctor?"
Charlie shakes his head. "I am fine, phi." Babe is the last person he wants to annoy or disappoint.
Babe knocks his head with his knuckles, not hard but Charlie winces for the dramatics, grinning - but he doesn't feel happy. He should get his act together before Babe realises he is becoming defective.
He forgets to put the laundry the next day, and Babe whines about not having his certain white tshirt to wear even though he has five more with different material and brands. Charlie manages to convince him somehow to put on something else and Babe grumbles like Charlie stole his cat the whole time.
A kiss and some sex against the laundry machine satisfies the older Alpha to some great level so Charlie ends up getting head pats and an I love you from his boyfriend. He smiles at Babe, wide as always but inside, he thinks he is missing something.
Something is wrong with Charlie.
He forgets to stock the cabinet with Babe's favourite instant noodles that the Alpha eats twice a week and Charlie has never for once let them go out of stock from the time he started living with Babe.
Now, Babe is staring at him with his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Did you do it deliberately, Charlie? To annoy me?"
"No, phi. Why would I do that?"
"Exactly!" Babe exclaims, uncrossing his arms and his expressions of confusion and hurt and Charlie has to remind himself the topic of discussion is instant noodles. Babe is cute when he is like this. "Why would you do that to me?" He looks like a child who was denied candy. Charlie sighs heavily.
"I am sorry, phi. Give me five minutes, I will get you from the store around the street."
Babe huffs. "Leave it." He says, eyes roaming around the way they do when he is about to throw a tantrum. "I want something else now."
"Tell me, phi. What do you want?"
And Babe answers by eyeing the bulge on his pants and Charlie laughs softly, holding out a hand and laughing again when Babe hurries in his arms. He fucks Babe hard until he is sure Babe's body feels like a one big fucking noodle and Babe kisses him so hard that Charlie cannot help but kiss him again. It is tongue and spit and moans and groans so familiar and high that Charlie is left breathless when it ends.
It is sweet, lying with Babe, getting to hold him and kiss him. Charlie wants to give him heaven and earth both. He kisses Babe again who has fallen asleep because he is not sure if Babe knows that.
He will tell Babe tomorrow.
And then he wakes up one day, and he doesn't remember the date Tony adopted him. For the first time in days, months or years, Charlie sits in his bed and stares at the white sheets mindlessly.
He is scared.
There are gaps in his memories. He doesn't remember the face of the woman who birthed him. He doesn't remember the number of powers he has. He tries to count them, but it is all static in the end. A big fucking blank dot in his head, that Charlie cannot access to.
He is losing his memories, he realises.
Babe narrows his eyes as Charlie stocks the cabinet with his noodles the very next day. He smiles secretly, and frowns when Charlie turns to him, and then frowns more when the younger Alpha laughs as if he can tell Babe is faking it.
Babe has been lounging on the couch in his black vest and black shorts counting the number of show pieces he owns when Charlie walks in with a big white polythene bag. It is mostly for Babe - the noodles, the shaving cream because Babe is running out of it, the new shaving blade because he doesn't remember where his last one is. The cream he is sure Charlie got on sale because it is buy two and one free. He leans back as he reads the contents of it, though he is sure Charlie has done it already before buying. A cream colored mug with red hearts and a pretty pink bow on the handle - because Charlie says it reminded him of Babe. How does it remind him of me? Babe wonders as he rotates it 180° degree. It is cute, he cannot deny it. There are also snacks that Babe likes.
Babe smiles, pleased as he peaks in his bag ignoring the look Charlie is giving him from across the kitchen counter. He opens the chips packet right away and stuffs his mouth with three of them at once, because he is hungry and then continues to look through the bag for something more valuable.
There is something, he doesn't know if it is valuable though.
A grey colored journal, with a blue pen.
"Charlie! Who is this for?" Babe asks, turning to face his boyfriend. The younger Alpha doesn't smile as walks to Babe, holding coffee in his one hand and cookies in another.
"For me." He keeps the plate on the table and makes sure Babe doesn't touch the hot side of the black mug as he hands it to him. Babe gives him a stinky eye at the color but Charlie ignores him, grinning at him cheekily. "Here, have this phi. Don't just eat chips."
"What are you? My daddy?" Babe teases. "Thank you, Daddy."
"You are the one who started calling me that by the way." Charlie pouts, nose scrunched up as Babe laughs. "You can't tease me now."
"Yeah yeah. You spoil me, Charlie." Because the coffee is good, the cookies are perfect and Babe's is satisfied. He snuggles into Charlie's chest as the younger sits beside him with a smile of his own.
"You deserve to be spoiled, phi."
Babe forgets about the journal and doesn't question its whereabouts at all again.
Charlie doesn't remember Babe's birthday.
He realises it on a random morning when he is cooking breakfast for them. Babe is getting ready to leave for the garage while Charlie had been early today. He also has an off which Babe hates, because he wants to be with him all the time.
Sending him to the bathroom alone was a big task, because all Babe wanted to do was have sex the whole day in his bed or anywhere possible. Charlie shakes his head as he plates the scrambled eggs and toast with butter. The milk is warm as he sets the glass on the table.
A few moments later, Babe struts downstairs as if he is not a top racer who is late for his practice but a grumpy child. He has a scowl on his face as he stares at Charlie. "Why do I have to practice? I am Pit Babe."
Charlie laughs. "Even top racers have to practice, phi. You told me that yourself."
"Don't argue with me, Charlie!" He smacks the younger Alpha's head just because he is a menace. "I want to sleep too."
"You only want to have sex."
"That is equivalent to sleep!" Babe argues and of course it makes no sense to Charlie. "See, people sleep to relax and I do it to relax? What is the difference?"
Charlie chuckles. "Right."
"Don't make fun of me, Charlie!"
"Okay, Okay." But he is laughing.
Babe rolls his eyes and extends his hand to take the toast - only to stop in mid. "Why did you put butter on it, Charlie? I hate butter!"
Charlie's smile vanishes. Babe is making a face as he stares at the offensive butter. "Oh -"
"Nevermind, I will eat eggs. You eat butter." Babe goes on to murmur something under his breath but eats his eggs while eying Charlie. "Do you not want it too? Should I make you something?"
"Oh no, I am fine, phi. I am sorry, I was thinking of something."
Babe dismisses it with a wave of his hand. "It is fine." He stops for a second, and Charlie knows his mind is running and running. "What are you going to do alone here? You will get bored, Charlie. Come with me!"
Ah. Charlie tries. He tries hard to not let the smile slip off his face. "My head hurts, phi. I will take a rest."
"What? Why didn't you tell me? Do you want me to take you to a doctor?" Babe hates getting sick, and Charlie being sick too. "Do you want me to cancel practice?"
Charlie shakes his head. "No, I took a painkiller. It is not that serious, phi." It kills him to lie to the older Alpha but Babe wouldn't let him sit in his room and write in his diary. He will insist on reading it and if he reads it, Charlie doesn't know what will happen.
He tries to grin as he kisses a grumpy Babe bye and locks the door behind him. The condo feels empty as he walks upstairs and locks the bedroom door as well.
For a long time, Charlie just sits there, on the chair beside the table, as the blank page and the pen stares at him. Charlie sighs as he picks it up and fills the date and day. He writes the time in the corner too.
3 April, Wednesday. 11:33 a.m.
Remember him.
The pen shakes from how hard he is holding it.
No matter what happens, you have to remember him. He is Babe. Pit Babe. The top racer. He is the king of Hallows.
He is your boyfriend.
You love him. He is the only person who has ever loved you. He is the only person you were alive for. Your purpose is to make the world a safe space for Babe. Be nice to him. Don't get angry at him if he scolds you. Be good to him even if you don't remember him.
Charlie's hand is shaking as he stops writing. The blue ink spread all over the page stares at him in a mocking manner. But he doesn't stop because of that, it is his phone which keeps ringing continuously. Charlie realises his eyes are misty as the screen blurs. It is Uncle Reval.
Another appointment. Another something Charlie had forgotten. Uncle Reval had warned him of the consequences of the medicine. He had said there could be side affects and Charlie had brushed them off because he would do anything for them to live a peaceful life.
He texts the old man he is coming and then types another text to send to Babe about going there. It is one of the last few dozes he needs to take before they will be able to measure the result. For now, he doesn't think his powers are affected much but many are weak. But Charlie no longer remembers the powers he has, so he wouldn't really know if it is working. Some of them - he does. Some he has forgotten. He should pen them down too, but first Babe is his priority.
Charlie needs to handle it before he loses his damn mind.
In the end, he doesn't realise he has never sent the text to Babe. The words remain as a draft in the little grey box and Babe is pacing around the living room, calling him again and again only to be met with the same autotune voice. "The number you have been dialing is switched off."
Charlie hardly remembers charging his phone on normal days, and with everything going on around him now, he had completely forgotten one needs to charge their phone. Babe glares at him so hard that he almost stops at the threshold.
"Phi -"
"How could you be so careless, Charlie!?" Babe yells, "do you know how worried I was!"
"I -"
"What is wrong with you? You have been behaving weird for days, Charlie! Why don't you tell me if something is troubling you?"
Charlie stiffens. He keeps the dead phone on the table and stands back stiffly, pushing his hands in his pocket and his head hanging low. "I am sorry, phi."
"You -" Babe is so angry, so worried. He looks like he is on the verge of hitting Charlie but Charlie's guilty face is the only thing stopping him. "You act like this after making me worry for you!?"
"No, phi. I forgot to send you the text. I thought I did - and charge - I forgot -"
"You keep forgetting things."
"I am just - it is the medicine. It is making me tired, phi." Another lie slips from his throat. Charlie should stop opening his mouth at this point if everytime he opens it, it is to lie to Babe. His heart breaks even more at the worry on Babe's face. Charlie feels the tears brimming in his eyes. Hot and stingy, and looks down to not let Babe see them.
He is feeding Babe lies now, day by day. He hates when Babe's face morphs into guilt and the old Alpha looks like he is cursing himself for getting this angry. Charlie's shoulders shake because he is such an idiot.
He is so useless he cannot even do one thing properly.
"Come here," Babe holds out a hand and when Charlie follows along, the older reaches out to kiss him on the lips before wrapping himself around Charlie. Charlie loves the way Babe's body sinks into his, the older Alpha's head resting on Charlie's chest. "I am sorry for shouting at you." He doesn't excuse his behaviour. Babe never does in moments this when he thinks Charlie is truly guilty or hurting. He could say Babe had no idea he was with Uncle Reval but Babe doesn't do that.
He leans back a bit instead, kissing Charlie's cheek this time. "I am sorry, I should have known. You don't have to keep the treatment going, Charlie."
"I can't stop now, phi." If he was not losing his memories, he could but how can he now? He is already half way there, stopping now would only hurt so many people. Babe opens his mouth to say and Charlie knows if he did, there would be another lie he will need to say, so he cuts Babe off. "Can I have a hug, phi?"
Babe chuckles. "What does it look like I am doing?"
In response, Charlie tightens the hold and presses his face in the crook of Babe's neck, kissing it softly and tenderly. Babe goes soft in his arms like that, hands grabbing for him in an instant.
Charlie feels like a monster as he fucks Babe into the mattress and more so, when Babe sleeps with a smile on his face.
He hates lying to Babe but can he afford Babe realising Charlie is forgetting him?
Because this time what Charlie doesn't remember is as minor as Babe's phone number.
Because when he was out and noticed his phone was dead, Charlie knew he could call Babe. He had stopped a stranger and stared at the screen for minutes before the man took his phone away. Charlie had apologised, eyes hazy and heart hammering inside his chest.
4 April, Thursday. 7:08 a.m.
This is P'Babe's number [number]
phi likes calling more than texting so don't annoy him. But only call once a day, he is going to get very angry if you keep calling him.
There are few things he likes. Like, having sex when he wakes up. He likes to eat instant noodles at least twice a week. So always stock the cabinet for him. Otherwise he forgets to buy and gets annoyed. And if you don't keep an eye on him, he will eat it every day and ruin his health.
He likes his black jacket the most.
He hates being ignored.
He likes to watch the same series again and again but gets bored easily.
When he is bored, he likes to have sex or he likes to go on long walks at night. He likes the ice cream from the particular shop and won't eat anyone else's.
He is a bit impatient so you have to be patient for him.
"Tell me phi, what do you want for your birthday?" Charlie ends up asking a week later. They are cuddling on the couch, Babe's favourite show going on and Charlie is trying - he is trying hard to remember the name of the actors playing the main cast but he cannot. Babe has told him too, he likes them. Charlie - doesn't remember.
Babe frowns in response, tilting his head to look at Charlie as if the younger had asked a stupid question. "What are you trying hah?" He pops a popcorn into his mouth, smirking. "I am not telling you what I am gifting you this year!"
This year. Charlie's heart sinks. Does this mean Babe's birthday went recently? How come he doesn't remember? His own birthday? "Oh?" He says dumbly.
Babe is sinking more of his body weight on him, crawling up until Charlie is literally laying down, and Babe is on top of him. "Yes," Babe places soft kisses on his chin, trailing up to his cheek and to the side of his ear before coming to his lips. "I have a surprise for you. You will love it, oh." Charlie's fingers dip into Babe's waist as he shifts the older Alpha. Babe pouts, he is always aroused by Charlie's show of strength. "What are you doing?"
Charlie laughs, or tries to. "I am doing nothing, phi." He knows Babe hates or loves when he gets cheeky. It is always amusing as much as Babe lacks the patience for it. "Tell me phi, what do you want for your birthday?"
Babe frowns, shifting and shifting and struggling until he is crawling down and facing Charlie's crotch. Charlie's hand travels to his hair as a habit, holding it there, pressing it down a little to tease Babe. Babe is not really bothered by it at the moment. "What do you think, Charlie? My birthday was three months ago, how do you think I know what I want for the next one?" He does sound annoyed, Charlie thinks.
Oh.
Charlie grins. "I want to plan ahead, phi."
Babe is almost gone, eyes sparkling as he unbuttons Charlie's pants, hand wrapping around the limp cock. "Why is it not awake yet?" Charlie laughs at his expressions. "Surprise me, then. Let me have fun now. Don't be a brat."
10 April, Wednesday. 8:07 p.m.
He is stubborn. If he wants something, let him have it. Don't argue with him, but don't also give in almost immediately. He likes to tease you first. If you give in, he won't find it fun and get annoyed.
If he gets annoyed, he won't be happy for the rest of the day. If it happens, say sorry and just do what he tells you to.
Phi has seen so many harsh times in his life. Make sure to always make him happy. You have to protect him at any cost. He is the reason you started living, and he is the reason you are what you are today. Phi is everything. So, don't let anyone hurt him.
Don't let Tony get him.
Kill if you need to, but keep phi safe.
"Charlie! We are getting late!"
Charlie closes the diary with a thud and keeps it below the bed. Babe wouldn't bother crouching down and fishing for things down there so it is the safest place in his condo.
"Coming!" He yells back, picks up his wallet and leaves his phone behind on the bed because he doesn't remember keeping it there in the first place.
"You made us late, Charlie!" Babe scolds but holds his hand and drags him out immediately. Charlie laughs as he buckles his seat belt, staring at Babe who keeps fuzzing. He is a bit irritated because they have early morning practice today and the bathroom quicke was not up to Babe's standard.
The whole team is there, and Babe forgets he was annoyed as he greets everyone while Charlie follows behind like a puppy.
For once it feels like his heart is not dropping to his stomach because Babe is happy. He is laughing. He is not worrying about Charlie, he doesn't suspect anything about Charlie. And Charlie doesn't have to lie to him.
"What's going on, phi?" Charlie turns to the side seeing Jeff standing there. "You look - worried." Charlie is more than worried but he shakes his head.
He is aware if anyone beside Babe can read him, it is Jeff. The nong always say Charlie is an open book even though everyone else in his life had told him he is hard to decipher. He was not called a robot for no reason.
Charlie hates how easily Jeff can read him like that. He doesn't want anyone to know, doesn't want them to spend their days worrying for him. "I am not."
"How's the treatment going?"
"Good? It is working, I think." It is also taking away his memory. A sudden wave of disappointment crashes over Charlie. He had hoped this would be the way to get rid of the powers that made his and Babe's life hell, or drove Tony to madness. But then, he is glad he is the only one experimenting with the medicine. He wonders what would Jeff say if he heard about the side affects. A small part of him - it aches. Charlie wants to talk to Jeff and tell him the truth, request him to protect Babe when Charlie won't be able to but he is sure Jeff wouldn't let it go. He would demand Charlie stop the treatment and they tell everyone else. And then what? Babe will know, his memory loss will proceed and Babe will cry every single time he looks at Charlie. Does Charlie want him to cry like that? He is aware Babe will be upset that Charlie didn't tell him, but how can Charlie look at him and say One day I am going to forget you and the day is coming sooner. Babe won't be able to take it. And Charlie is really selfish, he doesn't want to make Babe sad.
Jeff frowns. "You think? But you are not sure?"
"No, Jeff. I mean. It is working." He sees North walking from the side and Charlie just remembers something. He needs to talk about something regarding his and Babe's presence together on the X Hunter YouTube channel. He doesn't think he can shoot another couple video when he is forgetting everything. "Hey North, wait -"
North who is on the other end of the garage stops playing the game and looks up hearing his name. "Hey man, I am here!"
Charlie frowns, who is -
"Are you okay, phi?" Jeff asks, "Why are you calling Sonic, North?"
Sonic. Charlie blinks. His heart is beating so loudly he can barely hear anything' else. Sonic. Sonic. Sonic. North. Sonic is Sonic. Charlie confused - Charlie forgot the name of his team mate. It is all static, he can hear the distant noises. The sound of the engine. The sound of Babe's laughter as he chats with Alan. The sound of North's car crashing in the game.
Jeff is there, looking at him. Charlie forces himself to blink and look up at Omega. "I - I am just tired."
Jeff continues to stare at him in worry.
But Charlie is already running away; taking long strides to go and to cling to Babe. He wants needs Babe.
15 April, Tue Monday 11:43 p.m.
I keep forgetting things so I need to write down better. Today, I forgot Sonic's name and confused it with North's name.
Tony is a bastard. He is a bad man who adopts children only to use them and sell them for profit. He bought me, phi and jeff and many other children. He wants to take Babe away and force him to have a child with an Enigma. Way's whereabouts are unknown. I think he might be dead. But Daddy wouldn't kill him. Though he is in jail now, I don't trust the system to keep him locked in forever. And because I have phi's power, Tony cannot do anything to phi. Go away if you think you are going to put phi in danger. If you die, the power will go back to phi and put him in danger.
Run away if you think it might happen. If Tony gets released from prison. Make sure phi stays away from danger. He is yours to protect and keep safe.
Charlie hesitates, opening his calendar on the phone and ignoring the soft snores from Babe in the background. If he didn't have Babe's powers, he wouldn't even have heard it.
Babe's birthday is 3 december. Get him white lilies, he loves them. He would say birthdays don't matter but he likes to celebrate his birthday. He doesn't like big parties but a close pool party would make him happy. He wants to have birthday sex at least thrice a day so give him whatever he wants.
"Why did you buy so much, Charlie?" Babe sighs in exasperation. Charlie just bought sixty packets of instant noodles when he is the one who hates Babe having it the most. Babe has to fight for the twice and now he has sixty? But being rich doesn't satisfy him. How can it when Charlie is stuffing them in the cabinets as if the brand is about to go extinct. "What is wrong with you?"
"I got them on sale, phi." Which is not wrong but it doesn't make Babe happy either because now he has his hands resting low on his hips and is glaring at the young Alpha.
"Sale? Do you think I am cheap, Charlie!? Do you not want to buy me expensive ones?" He looks ridiculous, eyes wide and mouth twisted in an emotional frown. "You are saying I am too expensive now?" He is. His one perfume bottle costs five bottles compared to Charlie's.
Charlie looks at him guilty, scratching his head. "That's not what I meant, phi."
But Babe huffs, uncrossing his arms and slams the receipt on the counter before storming out of the kitchen.
How dare Charlie do this to him?
And how does this Alpha keep forgetting his shit here and there? It is Babe who is older but it feels the opposite. Babe frowns at the fallen socks on the floor beside the bed. The bed is not made and the table is all cluttered. Babe sighs. He needs to clean some shit.
He starts with the socks, bends down to pick them up when something familiar grabs his attention. Babe's brows pull together as he notices it is the same diary Charlie bought almost two weeks ago.
How come he has never seen it?
Charlie doesn't even journal or shit. Babe has never seen him with it in all these days.
"What is this doing here?"
He crawls the rest of the distance, picking it up and turning it around with a frown. Is Charlie really writing a journal? He didn't know Charlie kept a journal. Why is he hiding it from Babe? Is he cheating on Babe? Babe fumes in anger. What is this little shit hiding from him? Does he think he can hide shit under their bed and Babe won't find it? Is he calling Babe lazy? Is he saying Babe doesn't clean his shit?
"Phi!"
Babe's head snaps to the door and he fumes again as he stands up from his place. "Charlie, what is this? Why is this here?"
"This - Babe, listen to me."
Babe clicks his tongue in disappointment. Charlie looks like a deer caught in headlights. "Why do you hide this from me, Charlie? I am hurt." He is waving the diary and gasps when Charlie strides further and snatches it. Babe frowns, looking up at Charlie's eyes. "Are you cheating on me, Charlie?" He asks, eyes going teary and voice breaking. He even makes sure his lower lip is trembling slightly for the effects. "You are cheating on me, aren't you?"
"Phi, no. Why would I cheat on you?" Charlie stares at him as if he is ridiculous.
Babe shrugs, how does he know? Charlie is the one writing a diary in secret. "Can I read this?" He takes it from Charlie and it is the guilt for sure that Charlie doesn't stop him. He keeps his eyes on it though. What is so precious about a damn diary? Did he write his sexual fantasies in this diary and is embarrassed to show Babe? Does he think Babe will make fun of him? Babe crosses his arm against his chest, "I want to read it."
Charlie's expression shifts to one of someone guilty of committing a crime as his eyes shift to Babe's. "Phi -" Babe frowns more, looking at the diary and and then Charlie before slamming it on the younger Alpha's chest.
"Fine. I don't want to read your stupid diary either. Stupid Alpha. Stupid diary."
But later, he crawls under the bed in hope to find it again only to realise it is not there. Charlie shakes his head as he rubs his head in the evening because of course Babe was so angry that he accidentally hit his head on his way out of the bed.
"You are so stubborn, phi."
"You are mean, Charlie!" Babe sniffles making him laugh. "Why are you laughing now! I am already so embarrassed! Stop laughing!"
20 21 April, Sunday. 00:11 A.M.
Phi almost found the diary today. I am scared what might happen if he realises I am forgetting my memories.
I don't want to forget p'babe. I want to love him, want to give him the life he wants but my memories are getting worse.
Maybe I should tell Uncle Reval but he will tell me to stop the medicine. I don't think it will help. Maybe I should leave now. I don't want to p'babe again.
If he thinks I ran away, he will hate me. If I stay and forget him, he would be so hurt. Everything I do will hurt phi in the end. There is nothing I can do that won't hurt him.
These days, I am afraid I will forget the sound of phi's laughter. Please laugh a lot for me, phi. Even if I am not there, I want you to bloom like a pretty flower on a sunny day.
Charlie looks at the bed, at the sleeping Babe and his heart hurts for what is to come Babe's way. He wishes he could shield Babe from it. If only he could erase himself from Babe's memories completely. If only he had that kind of power. What is the use of having so many powers when none can help Babe?
He stares at his diary, at the words he had written - the reality he cannot escape.
I don't know what I should do.
Charlie cancels the weekend practice and instead cleans the condo. He checks if anything needs to be worked upon, changes the bulb that had gone out of battery but Babe is too lazy to call the electrician for. So, Charlie sees a youtube tutorial and does it himself. He cleans the clogged drainage in the bathroom. He restocks Babe's perfumes and body wash, Babe's favourite shampoo and the paste and toothbrush. He buys Babe a wallet with Babe's initials on the corner and keeps it in the drawer on Charlie's side of the bed. He even buys Babe some books to read if he is bored and arranges them on the shelf. He replaces all the flowers in the condo and buys Babe two more mug pieces, a cream one with lips painted in red as if someone has kissed it and the other is baby pink with white doodles. He hopes Babe would laugh when he uses them in the future.
He buys Babe a bouquet. Lilies.
"What is wrong with you, Charlie?" Babe laughs when he hugs it. It is huge and the smile on his face tells Charlie Babe loves it. "You changed the flowers too! Didn't you take off to meet uncle Reval?" That's what he had told their caption or Babe for that matter. In reality, he had stopped going to Reval from the past week.
Charlie feels hot water prickle at his eyes, and he blinks repeatedly to hold them back.
Today is not about him. It is about Babe.
"I just wanted to pamper you, phi." He says.
"Oh, it is working." Babe grins. "Did you make me food too? What did you cook me? I am hungry, Charlie! I am so hungry!"
He had indeed prepared a candle light dinner in the balcony and guides Babe with a chuckle there. Babe laughs, throwing back his head as Charlie pulls out the chair for him to sit. "Have a seat, phi."
"Yeah, what's the special occasion, Charlie?"
"Nothing, phi." Charlie grins, sitting himself and serving them, "I love you." He says then. The box with the ring in his pocket feels heavy. "I got you something, phi."
Maybe he should wait for dinner to end, but he doesn't want to forget something else and mess it up. Babe raises a brow in question, as if to ask what else could have Charlie done for him?
And he gasps when Charlie keeps the box on the table, open and the small diamond ring staring at Babe.
Because it is always about Babe.
"What the hell, Charlie?" Babe doesn't look angry despite his wording. Charlie knows he is just processing it. "You got me a ring!" He exclaims. So happy as he puts his hand out for Charlie to slip the ring on.
Charlie does so with a quiet chuckle. "Yes, phi. I got you flowers and a ring."
Babe pouts. "What is this, Charlie? You ambushed me? I didn't get you anything!"
"It is okay, phi." He should say Babe could do it other time but it feels like a promise Charlie might not be there to appreciate. So, he looks down and smiles. "You being here is enough."
Babe laughs, "You are being cheeky today!" It forms into a smile. "But I love you too, Charlie."
And Charlie leans over the table, unable to stop himself as he kisses the love of his life. Babe melts into the kiss, opening his mouth and letting Charlie suck into his wetness as much as he wants to. Charlie pulls away only to join their foreheads though. Babe looks at him with so much trust in his eyes. There is no doubt on his face, but only happiness.
And Charlie wishes he could keep it that way.
He is gentle with Babe that night, carressesing him, kissing him softly all over his body until the older Alpha is squirming due to the sweetness.
"Don't tease me, Charlie!" Babe complains at the end, too eager. And Charlie laughs as Babe pushes him off, and then climbs on top of him. "You are too slow."
But Charlie only smiles, "I love you, phi."
Babe laughs. "What is this? I know you love me already. Why do you keep saying it today?"
Because Charlie's whole existence is about Babe.
Charlie's heart is heavy as his eyes soften. The smile never fades away from his face. "You are complaining?"
Babe laughs more, shaking his head. "No. Keep saying it."
Charlie does. Because it might be the last time he gets to say it. The train tickets hidden between the pages of his diary the bathroom reminds him of what's coming next.
But because it is for Babe, Charlie will do it.
He will do it always.
27 28 April, Wed Sat Sunday 02:56 a.m.
I don't remember anything. Much of it.
Don't remember what Tony did to me, my childhood. I don't remember the name of our team's captain.
I don't remember who is Sonic or North.. or Jeff. I only remember the names. I only remember phi.
I don't remember anything' else.
I am sorry, phi.
I might not remember you when you read this, if you ever read this but please know that, I love you.
I love you so much, P'Babe.
You are the only person I have loved this much. You are the happiest thing that happened to me. You made me feel like a human. You made me love so many things. I am sorry I don't remember your birthday, or your favourite food. I don't remember the first time we met, or when you told me you love me the first time. I don't remember the things you hate, phi.
But I know you love me and I am sorry I am doing this to you.
I don't know what the future holds for me or for us. But I hope you are always safe and happy phi.
There's I have a bank account for you phi, you can flee the country in case it is not safe for you. If Tony ever comes after you. You can choose a fake identity. Uncle Reval told me he will help you. I gave him everything. He doesn't know anything though.. I think. I gave for Jeff also, but Jeff is - I think he will be safe. So I have to protect you.
This is my last entry. I am sorry for doing this to you, Phi.
I love you.
Yours, Charlie
He writes one more page, for the future him who might not remember anything.
If you don't remember him. It is fine. Read this diary, remember him again. Find him again if you are not with him. Find him before Tony finds him. Love him. Fall in love with him again.
He is worth it.
The nib of the pen breaks from the pressure, the page all wet because the tears he had been holding back falls down his cheeks now and Charlie palms his face as he cries.
Alone, sitting in his room scared out of his mind.
Charlie wakes up on a Monday morning, twisting and turning in the warm sheets. There's sunlight pouring from the cracks in his windows across the brown marble floor. It is ten, when he checks the clock.
However, his eyes narrow at the strange man sleeping in his bed. Charlie pushes the blanket away, eyes widening when he realises the man is naked except for the black shorts. The man twists, and turns to face him, eyes half open as he frowns.
"Charlie, what's wrong -"
"Who are you?"
Charlie asks.