Archive of Our Own

***

It was just another quiet, but rather busy day for Harry at the bakery. There weren’t many costumers today but as it was the day before Christmas holidays he had to stay behind and make sure everything was properly wrapped and put away. He also had to make sure everything was clean so he walked towards the tool closet to get out their washing bucket. He wiped at this forehead, which was getting very sweaty, on the way there and as soon as he got the bucket he proceeded to fill it with water.

He filled the bucket placing it in the sink and when he tried to lift it out he yelped in pain grabbing for his lower back and letting the bucked spill back into the sink. He breathed deeply while massaging his back and closed his eyes slowly falling against the wall. It wasn’t first time this happened with Harry, he had problems with his back ever since he could remember, but since the accident at home, as Harry likes to call it, his back hurt more often than he could handle.

~

Six weeks ago he returned home as any other work day. As soon as he opened the door to their flat the stench of alcohol mixed with cigarette smoke hit him. He stopped before entering and took a deep breath to compose himself; it would be another one of those days.

As soon as the door clicked shut behind him he could hear a heavy set of footsteps approaching him. He dared to lift his gaze from where he was untying his boots and was met with bloodshot eyes and a smirk on his boyfriends face.

“Well, hello darlin’,” Jason slurred and Harry’s body immediately covered goose bumps.

“Hi,” he simply responded hanging his coat.

“What’s the matter sunshine,” he stepped closer, “had a bad day at work?” He continued lifting his hand and swirling one of Harry’s curls around his finger.

Harry knew him well enough to know that all Jason was trying to do was pick a fight, so he could just yell and shove Harry a couple of times so he could feel better himself.

“No, I’m just tired and work was busy,” Harry responded with a forced smile Jason's way and slowly made his way to the kitchen, “I’ll start on the dinner now if you don’t mind,” he continued.

“Yeah, you better do because I’m starving waiting for you whole day, while you waste your time away at that stupid bakery” Jason slurred making his way back to the sofa in front of TV.

“That stupid bakery pays our bills” Harry murmured under his breath.

“You said something?” Jason asked raising his voice above the sound of footy going on the telly.

“N-no,” Harry said washing his hands.

He took a deep breath and wiped his hands on the towel. It was getting harder and harder to resist his urge to speak out loud and tell him all what’s been stored in his mind, but the fact Harry has nowhere to go if he decides to tell him all of those things, stopped him.

He settled on cooking some potatoes with grilled chicken and salad, he didn’t even dare to cook something simpler than that, with Jason being drunk and already trying to pick a fight.

He cut onions for the salad while everything else was cooking and it stung his eyes and made him tear up. He didn’t know why, but suddenly he felt his throat close up and he’was crying. He sniffed quietly and wiped at his eyes and it mad him think about what his life had turned into. Almost every day for the last couple of years he felt like his life has gone downhill. He had lost every friend he had just because he has been too blind to see what his friends had seen and warned him for all along ever since he moved in with Jason. Harry even dared to call his friends not worthy of his friendship just because of all the things he refused to see. There were red flags all around him, but he was too naïve, believing that he could change Jason, but it took too long to finally see it that, in fact he couldn’t. That there is nothing to fight for and after all, realise that he doesn’t feel the way he did all those years back when he met him.

The first time when Harry realised his mistake was after their first fight. He was sitting on the floor in their bedroom, his back against the wall and stinging pain on his cheek. It was just a slap from Jason, but it was enough for Harry to see stars before he fell on the cold wooden floor. He realised how Jason did everything to have Harry to himself. How he got overly jealous of Harry’s friends and of the time he spent with them. How Harry wanted to visit his family over the holidays and Jason would do everything to make Harry feel sorry for him so he would cancel his plans just so Jason would be happy.

Day after day, week after week and month after month Harry got more and more isolated from everyone just to make Jason and their relationship his priority. Harry ate up every lie Jason fed him and didn’t realise how poisonous their relationship really was.

Then one Thursday Harry came to their shared flat and found Jason drinking. As soon as he saw him in his state he understood that something wasn’t right and Jason proved him right. It was the day when Jason lost his job at the factory and Harry just ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. As soon as Jason saw him he lashed out at Harry, yelled at him how he only cared about himself and not Jason. How he always wanted to visit his own family and never spent time with him. Harry let him, he took it all in not even trying to protest and say that he didn't even see his family anymore and that he had given up all his friends. That just because of him he can’t have anyone else in his life but him. Their relationship was all about making Jason happy, but he refused to see how Harry made all offers and blamed him for everything that went wrong. 

And then Jason slapped him.

It came out of nowhere and Harry was frozen for a moment, just blinking at Jason, stinging pain on his cheek. Harry wanted to leave, go as far as he could from him and that’s what he said, his voice small and hands trembling. But as soon as the words were out Jason shoved him against the wall and said that he wouldn’t let him. That he had nowhere to go, that nobody wanted him, he had just Jason in his life.

Those words hurt more than his cheek, because it was nothing but the truth. Harry had nowhere to go, except his family who lived somewhere in LA now and came over to England only a few days in the summer, and he knew that there was no chance to earn enough money for a ticket at the bakery. Even if he could, all he would receive from his family would be disappointed stares and “I told you so’s”. It wasn’t worth it so Harry had to accept the truth. A truth told by the person Harry didn't even want to see anymore.

It wasn’t the first or the last time Jason would shove or slap Harry or yell and blame him for the fact that he lost his job. Jason never even tried to find a new one, he most likely enjoyed to stay at the flat and live off of Harry’s payslip.

So there he was, once again crying about what his life had turned into, blaming it all on the onions.

“What you cryin’ about now? Haven’t I given everything you need?” Jason slurred catching Harry off-guard.

“N-no it’s just the onions” Harry sniffled forcing a smile and wiping at his cheeks.

“They better be onions,” he answered taking a shot glass and filling it with the liquor.

Harry made quick work of finishing their dinner after that and once he was done eating he rushed to the bedroom, sighing as he fell against the closed door. He took deep breaths, finally enjoying being alone. He tried to talk as little as possible over the dinner, he really wasn’t up for Jason's temper tonight.

There was a knock on the door and Jason's voice “can I come in?”

It made Harry close his eyes once more and he realised it wasn't like he could refuse. It was their bedroom after all.

“Y-yeah, sure”, he stuttered out before stepping away from the door and going into the bathroom. He locked himself in and preyed the god that Jason would fall asleep before Harry returned into the bedroom.

It wasn’t his lucky day, Harry knew it wouldn’t be. As soon as he stepped outside the bathroom his eyes met Jason's, bloodshot and dark. He stared at him from the doorway where Harry left him, an ugly smirk on his face.

Harry slowly made his way to the bed and could see Jason approaching him, he could see him lifting his hand in his peripherals and he flinched, ready for the hit, but it didn’t came.

“What's the matter with you?” Jason said reaching for Harry’s curls. “Do I scare you?” he asked leaning in and sniffing at Harry’s neck.

Harry shuddered. “N-no, it’s just...” he started, “wasn't expecting this, is all” he gulped and closed his eyes.

Jason proceeded to touch him; he dragged his hands down Harry’s sides nibbling at his neck.

“Fuck, you smell so good darlin’,” he whispered against Harry’s neck.  For one second he reminded Harry of the old times, when they would be so passionate about each other, couldn’t take their hands off one another. It made Harry miss old times, the old Jason. All those memories made his eyes well up and he had to suppress yet another breakdown of tears.

“I want you so bad baby,” Jason proceeded to nibble at Harry’s collarbones and kiss him up his neck. When Harry didn’t respond he added “don’t you want me too?” He stopped to look at Harry.

“Y-yes...” Harry stuttered out, still frozen, not touching.

“Yes what?” Jason asked his voice on edge of anger.

“I-I want you too,” Harry swallowed once those words were out.

Jason pulled him onto his torso and Harry yelped from surprise, his hands landing on Jason’s chest.

“Kiss me,” Jason said and before Harry could say something he pulled him into the kiss.

One thing led to another and Harry lost himself in the things Jason did to him, he felt like he was on the outside of his body and watched it all happen from the side. He watched how Jason ripped off his t shirt and how his sweats fell to the ground. He watched how he pushed Harry onto the bed on his hands and knees. How he opened him up with his rough and calloused fingers. The stinging pain they gave him, even though they were slicked up with lube. He pumped them in and out constantly hitting Harry’s prostate and all Harry could do was cry out in some cruel mix of pain and pleasure, watching his sweat drop into the sheets. Once he decided that Harry was prepared well enough he slicked himself up and thrust inside of Harry with a low grunt. Harry could feel how his legs trembled against Harry’s thighs. Soon enough he pulled out and thrust back into Harry hitting him on the spot yet again. Harry cried out with every hit and it made Jason get going harder till he fisted Harry’s hair in his hand and pulled him back onto him. All Harry could hear and feel was his back cracking painfully and Jason's hot come spilling inside of him. He reached around to tug at Harry’s cock and in couple of strokes he came too, unwillingly but he did. Before he could realise what happened Jason pulled out of him and pushed Harry onto the mattress to take off and use the toilet.

Harry lay there wincing in pain of his back, tears starting to well up in his eyes. He felt filthy, disgusted and so tired, he dared to close his eyes just for a second and didn’t even realise that would be enough to send him into a dreamless sleep.

~

Ever since Harry had more occasions when he would do simple jobs and his back would hurt like that night.

He rubbed at his lower back trying to straighten. He understood that it wasn't a good sign, but he couldn’t really afford to go see a doctor without telling Jason where he was going and why without picking up a fight. Harry could already hear his baritone telling him that it’s just another excuse to do nothing or to get away from him. How he wouldn't waste their money on some stupid pain in Harry’s back. He would go on telling that he should just take a couple of painkillers and that's it, his problem would be solved.

Harry breathed through the pain, suddenly feeling a little sick. He tried to compose himself but with every breath he took he could feel the sandwich he had for lunch coming up. He grabbed the washing bucket and threw up, his eyes tearing up and body covered in cold sweat. He wiped at his forehead when he felt like he wouldn’t throw up anymore and secretly was thankful that his hair was in the bun under the hair cap he had to wear. He washed his mouth under the running tap water and took the bucket to the toilets to get rid of his sick, which almost cost him another round of throwing up.

When he was finally finished with his work at the bakery it was almost 10 pm. Once he locked the back door he sighed, relieved that he would have a week off. He started on his way back home, breathing in the cold air. It started to get chilly during the night and Harry couldn’t wait till it would snow. His mood lifted just thinking that maybe they would have a white Christmas this year, but then again, reality hit him like a ton of bricks and he was once more reminded that Jason doesn’t like Christmas, doesn’t like wasting money on stupid gifts and decorating a stupid tree which only makes their carpeting difficult to clean. Not that Jason ever did any of the cleaning at their flat.

Harry slowed down his steps once he has almost reached his flat. He looked up on their windows seeing that it was all dark, just the blue light from TV reflecting on the day curtains.

He didn’t know why but something in his gut told him to turn around and go somewhere else. He smirked at his thoughts buzzing himself in and starting on the stairs up. He wondered where he would go; he had nobody to go to. No friends, no family. His thoughts were interrupted when some old lady from the second floor with her little dog stepped in the stairwell and passed Harry on the way down. Harry smiled at her being polite, but the old lady didn’t even look his way. Yet another reminder that Harry didn’t even know any of his neighbors.

He finally reached the door of his flat and as soon as he opened the door he sighed in relief, because for once he didn't smell any alcohol.

“Who’s there?” Harry heard Jason's voice coming through from the living room.

“It’s just me,” Harry answered with a roll of his eyes. As if anyone else would come in using a key to the flat.

“Finally decided to come home? I’m starving! Make something to eat!” Jason said his voice coming through louder.

“Yes, just a second,” Harry answered taking his boots off.

He sighed and went straight to the kitchen not even bothering to change out of his work clothes. Every day for months it was the same, like a routine. He took a second there, his hand resting on the fridge handle. He went to open it, but he didn't make it that far as he was hit with another wave of dizziness. He smacked the fridge door and ran to the bathroom. He got there just in time to land on his knees and throw up in the toilet, his body already covered in cold sweat. Once he felt like there wasn’t anything else coming up he fell back against the tiled bathroom wall, feeling how his sweat soaked shirt stuck to his body. He closed his eyes just for a second, thinking when he could have caught any stomach bug or was it some cruel fate that he would catch something right on time for him to spend the Holidays sitting in front of the loo, throwing up.

“What’s happened to you?” Harry was pulled out of his thoughts by Jason’s voice.

“Don’t know, might have caught something,” Harry responded weakly still with his eyes closed.

“Damn right you have,” Jason said and Harry could hear him going away. “Stay there, don’t want to catch your germs, ‘m going to have sandwiches tonight,” he added in the distance and for the first time Harry was grateful that he was feeling sick. He smiled to himself and bent over the toilet to have another round of vomiting.

Anything Harry would eat that night made him throw up so in the end he went to sleep hungry, just a glass of water on his side table.

Next morning Harry woke up to an empty bed. He looked to his left and saw that Jason's pillow was missing as well. He stretched in bed enjoying the warm sunlight and the fact that he didn’t had to work today, tomorrow or even any day for the following week. He sat up in bed feeling much better than last night, but as soon as his feet hit the cold wooden floor he went running to the bathroom, cursing himself, he had never been lucky, why would sickness be the exception.

He showered after he felt he wouldn't throw up anymore. Once he got out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his hips and washed his teeth by the sink. Once dried, he was about to go get dressed, but something caught his eye in the mirror. He turned sideways in front of it and looked at his stomach. He smoothed his hand over a small, but still there tummy. He frowned at it rubbing curiously and thought that he might have to quit on sneaking cupcakes at work for himself or he’d end up with a larger belly.

“Thank God I have a week off,” Harry said to his reflection, “no more sweets for you,” he added rubbing his tummy and proceeding to the bedroom to get dressed. Once dressed and hair pulled back in a bun he figured that he should try to eat something. On his way to the kitchen he passed the living room and saw the pillow and the blanket on the sofa. The flat was strangely quiet, no TV or radio on, not even a sign of Jason.

He settled on making himself a sandwich, just to see if he would be able to keep it in. He thought that maybe he could make use of the moment when Jason wasn’t home to go and see the doctor about his back, if he would be home by the time Harry got back he could easily lie that he was for a walk. Jason would buy it anyway, knowing that Harry was sick last night.

He cut his sandwich in small bites and ate each of the pieces slowly, carefully sipping on his glass of water after each bite. When finally, all of it was gone and Harry didn’t feel like he would be sick he slowly stood up, moving ever so slowly. He would almost laugh at himself for being so ridiculous.

Once he washed his plate and the glass, Jason still out somewhere, he wrote a note for him, just in case he came back and found out that Harry wasn’t home. He attached it to the fridge with one of the magnets, saying “Went out for a walk. Still feeling sick. H.”

He grabbed his coat and was out of the door and on the streets in a couple of minute’s time. He settled on taking the subway to the closest hospital not having a GP since he moved in with Jason.As soon as he set foot inside the carriage the strong smell of greasy crisps and sweaty bodies hit him. He could feel himself getting nauseous again and he spent most of his journey with his nose buried into the collar of his coat, praying that he wouldn’t throw up in sub.

Once the sub stopped at Harry’s destination, he quickly jumped out and moved as fast as he could up the stairs and outside. As soon as somewhat fresher air hit his nostrils he already felt a little better.

He had to walk a few streets down the busy road to reach the hospital. It took him another 10 minutes, but he was somewhat happy that he could have time to calm himself down. Once arrived, he stood outside for another couple of minutes, because he couldn’t get himself to enter. He always hated the smell of hospitals and in his current state he knew he would get sick as soon as he would enter.

When he finally felt brave enough he walked through the automatic doors. On the first floor the smell luckily wasn’t that bad, he could make his way to the receptionist easily, but that might be because of the entrance being on the same floor.

“Hello, would it be possible to see a doctor today?” Harry asked as soon as he walked up to registration.

“Hello, let me just check it for you,” a blonde nurse with a name tag Tony answered. She made a few clicks on her screen and picked up the phone. “Can I have your name please?” She asked still looking at the computer screen, Harry wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or the person on the phone, “Sir?”  This time she looked at Harry.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Styles. Harry Styles,” he answered in a rush, plastering an apologetic smile on his face.

“Thank you,” the nurse murmured typing away. She put the phone down and started to shuffle around in the drawers. “I’ll need you to fill out this form,” she put an A4 sheet on the counter and slid it Harry’s way. “And you’ll have to wait a while, as Doctor Phillips, the one on duty is busy at the moment,” she continued smiling at Harry.

“Okay, that’s fine. I’ll-I’ll fill this out then,” Harry said grabbing the form and going to find a seat. He found a quiet space just around the corner and sat down wincing a little when a stab of pain shot through his back once more.

Once Harry was done filling out the form he slowly stood up and made his way back to registration table. There wasn’t the same nurse as before so he handed the form to the older lady that was now standing there.

“Thank you,” she skipped over the form, “I’ll call you over when Doctor Phillips is ready to see you,” she added.

“Okay, thank you,” Harry said once again and sighed turning around to find a seat. At first he thought that it would be fast, he would just come, see the doctor, he would give him some pain relief and he’d be home in no time. But of course there were tons of people wanting to see the doctor right before the Holidays and here he was, half an hour later, still in the stuffy waiting room filling out forms and waiting for his turn.

He found a seat between two couples. One of them was young and the lady was pregnant, Harry couldn’t resist the urge to sneak a peek at her baby bump. He smiled at it and when the lady caught him looking their eyes met for a second before Harry turned away. At the other side was an elderly couple, they were busy looking in the paper and discussing someone's outfit.

Harry sat there just staring in one point on the opposite wall. It seemed like forever, every time any of the nurses walked by Harry looked at them expecting to be called but they just walked off onto a different direction.

“The doctor is ready to see you now,” Harry was brought out of his thoughts by a nurse’s voice. He looked at her and was ready to stand, but the couple besides him stood up instead. Harry looked how the guy helped the pregnant lady to stand up, holding her by her elbow, her own hand resting on the baby bump. Harry followed them with his eyes until they disappeared around the corner, once he returned to himself he realised that his own hand somehow has ended up on his stomach. Harry smiled and shook his head at his silliness and reached for a magazine to pass the time.

He was onto reading his year old horoscope when the nurse from earlier called his name. He looked up at her still sitting on the chair, she repeated her call looking expectantly at him and only then Harry realised that she was calling him and that he was the only person left sitting on the chairs. He quickly dropped the magazine and stood up following the nurse.

She guided him to the door that read Doctor Dave Phillips and opened them.

“Mr. Harry Styles is here, doctor,” she said peeking inside. Harry could hear a voice say “let him in” and the nurse stepped aside opening the door wider. Harry walked past her murmuring thank you and was met by middle aged man smiling at him from behind his glasses.

“Hello Mr. Styles,” Doctor Phillips said, reaching out for a handshake, “I’m Doctor Phillips” he added.

“Hello,” Harry squeezed his hand and sat down in the chair just opposite the doctors’ desk.

The doctor picked up few of the papers scattered on his table until there was just one left in his hand.

“So, you wrote in your form that you have a problem with your back. Is that correct?” Doctor Phillips looked at Harry over the paper in his hand.

“Yes, although I always have had problem with my back, it never hurt as much as it does now,” Harry answered fiddling with the hem of his jumper.

“For how long have you been experiencing this pain?” Doctor Phillips asked placing the form on the table and writing something in his journal.

“Well, it might be around five or six weeks, I’m not sure,” Harry answered.

Harry watched doctors hand pausing on the paper and looking up at Harry. “Do I understand correctly? You had these pains for more than a month and you haven’t been seeking any medical help?” He asked looking sternly at Harry.

“Y-yes, I’m sorry,” Harry gulped. “I mean, I... I took some pain killers and was feeling fine, but recently the pain re-appeared and...”

“Alright Mr. Styles, let’s try differently,” Doctor Phillips placed the pen on desk and asked. “What caused the injury?” He continued.

“I-I... got it at work, I work in a bakery, so-so I had to lift some boxes and I guess I strained it?” Harry lied and he felt bad, but he really couldn’t find himself explaining the doctor how he got injured by his abusing boyfriend during sexual intercourse.

“Okay,” Doctor Phillips continued, “Let’s have a look at your back,” he added standing up.

Harry followed him to the side where Doctor Phillips sat down on the high chair and asked Harry to take off his jumper.

“And the pain is mostly located at the lower back, yes?” Doctor asked digging his fingers into Harry’s lower back.

“Y-yes,” Harry answered, his skin starting to cover goose bumps.

“Aha, good,” Harry heard doctor murmuring behind him. “Okay, you can get dressed now,” Doctor Phillips said standing up behind Harry.

He quickly got dressed and returned to the doctor who was typing on his journal again.

“Everything seems fine with your spine, but you do have muscle sprain in your lower back and that caused the area around it to become inflamed, which is why you are feeling the pain. We could perform an x-ray, but in your case I don't think it’s necessary.” Doctor Phillips continued, “I’ll prescribe you painkillers and I also would suggest to have a massage therapy at least three times a week, it does help your back to heal faster if you put a hot compress on it as well,” he added.

“Okay,” Harry said, all this information was making him feel dizzy.

“Are you alright? You look rather pale, please sit down,” Doctor Phillips placed the journal on the table and hurried to help Harry to sit down.

“Yeah, it’s okay. I-I... I just, I forgot to mention that since yesterday, when my back started to hurt again, I’ve been feeling sick as well, like, I couldn't even eat without throwing up,” Harry said taking the glass of water the doctor had somehow procured.

“Well, that’s new,” Doctor Phillips said scratching his head. He walked over to his side of the desk and picked up the phone. “Doctor Phillips here, can I have someone to come to my cabinet and take a blood sample? Okay... Yes... Yes... Alright,” Harry could hear the doctor saying in the phone.

In a couple of minutes there were a knock on the door and one of the nurses came in.

“We will take a blood sample, just to make sure there isn't any infection that could cause the nausea,” Doctor Phillips said putting on gloves. “But for now I would suggest you stay in your bed with a hot compress on your back, no longer than two days, okay?” He continued.

Harry nodded and rolled up his sleeve for the doctor to take a blood sample. The sanitize wrap was cold and left him with goose bumps all over his body once more.   There was a little pinch and next thing Harry knew Doctor Phillips was throwing his gloves into the bin and the nurse walked out with his blood sample.

“If the blood comes back without any infection I will assign you to do x-ray as well, just to make sure your back has nothing to do with your nausea,” the doctor said picking up the clipboard from the desk and writing in it.

“Okay,” was all Harry could say. He was starting to feel tired and wanted to return back to the flat to get into the bed and sleep.

“Okay, that would be all” doctor said still typing. When Harry didn’t move he looked up from his clipboard “any questions?” He asked.

“No, it’s okay. Thank you doctor,” Harry said taking the sheet from Doctor Phillips.

“We will call you on your contact number once the results are in,” doctor added.

“Okay,” Harry said and walked out of the office. He stopped by the chairs and placed the sheet on them putting on his coat. Once he was outside he took a deep breath of relief that it wasn’t anything serious, though he still had to wait and see what his blood would tell. He folded the sheet the doctor gave him in four and slipped it into his pocket starting on his way back to the subway.

It was nearing the dark when Harry finally got back. He had to stop at the pharmacy to get the prescribed painkillers. He stopped just outside his flat and saw that the lights were now on. Through the majority of his ride back he thought of ways how to tell Jason that he was on bed rest. How to explain that he was at the doctor? He could feel in his gut that there would be another fight as soon as he walked through the door.

Harry’s eyes started to tear up as soon as he thought about it. He already felt tired and hungry, and on top of that he would have to deal with Jason's offensive words.

He wiped at his eyes and checked the mail box. Harry was surprised to find anything in there; it was a white envelope with little Christmas tree stickers on it, addressed to Harry. He blinked a couple of times to be able to see who sent it. Liam Payne was written on the back, along with his address. It had been years since Harry has see nor heard from him and even this small gesture made Harry smile through his tears. He felt warm that somebody has remembered him, even though he hadn’t been a good friend. He opened the envelope carefully and took out the card. It was one of those glittery ones that Harry would see in magazine shops. He always liked them the most. He opened the card and it said: “May this holiday season be full of surprises and cheers, simply because you deserve the best! Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

P.S call me sometime, I’d love to hear from you,

Liam”

It was simple but it made Harry cry harder. He thought that he had no more friends left, but here he was receiving a card from his best mate. Not sure if he still is Liam's best friend, but to Harry Liam always stayed his. He notices a little smiley face in the corner and a little message besides it: “sorry about this face, Louis drew it while I wasn’t looking.” Harry smiled, he wasn’t sure who Louis was, but somehow his smiley face made Harry’s card feel special. It wasn’t all just words; it was a little something.

Harry hugged the card close and wiped at his eyes again. It might be hell upstairs waiting for him, but at least he knew now that he wasn’t alone. He started up the stairs tucking the card in his coat pocket. Step after step his heart beat louder and louder until he reached for the door handle. The door was locked and Harry looked for his own set of keys. He unlocked the door with shaky hands and stepped inside, the almost common smell of alcohol hitting him.

He tried breathing through his mouth to quell the stench while taking off his boots and coat. He tried to be as quiet as he could, maybe he could just sneak into the bedroom and go to sleep, but once he turned around he bumped his knee into the small table there and the vase fell against the mirror, Harry luckily managed to catch it in time before it rolled off and broke. He swore under his breath, but heard no sound or movement, just the TV. He slowly made his way to the bedroom peeking into the living room and saw Jason fast asleep on the sofa. He realised in relief that maybe tonight he was lucky enough to escape his drunken fit of anger. His tummy growled and Harry snuck into the kitchen, there was a plastic bag with sandwiches in it and Harry took one of the packs making his way to the bedroom.

Once the door behind him was closed he leaned and sighed. He made his way to the bed opening the pack of sandwiches and ate sitting on the bed. When he was done he threw the package out in the bathroom bin, brushed his teeth and crawled under the blankets. He fell asleep thinking about Liam’s card and the little smiley face.

He wasn’t sure if he was awake or having one of those too real dreams where he could actually feel how someone touches him. Harry gasped dreaming how a hand wrapped around his cock, slowly pumping up and down. He moaned turning his head into the pillow, his own voice too real to be a dream.

“You love it don’t you,” he heard a voice in his dream say.

“Yes,” he moaned feeling another set of fingertips nudge against his hole.

He gasped and moaned at the feeling of calloused hands pumping his leaking cock. He could feel it dripping onto his belly. He grunted lowly when the fingers inside of him hit his bundle of nerves and thrust into the air seeking for more friction.

“God you look so pretty like this,” the voice was back, “fucking yourself on my fingers, mmh,” this time the voice made a low grunt and the hand from Harry’s cock disappeared leaving it heavy and leaking pre cum on Harry’s belly. For a moment all Harry felt was the constant pumping of the fingers, his own hands wandered down to his shaft, he started to stroke himself lazily until the fingers were gone too. Harry moaned feeling the heat building up in his lower tummy. It wasn’t until he was about to come from his wet dream that he opened his eyes at something stretching him open. It felt too real to be a dream and as soon as Harry’s eyes locked with Jason's in the dim morning light he understood that all of this wasn’t dream at all.

“Jason?” He gasped, his hand frozen on his cock. He could feel his cheeks burning.

“Fuck, I love it when you are so submissive,” Jason grunted sliding deeper into Harry. He wrapped his own hand around Harry’s which was frozen onto his cock and proceeded to stroke. “Touch yourself more, it turns me on so bad,” he moaned around his words now thrusting into Harry.

Harry’s lips let a moan escape once Jason hit his prostate. He felt too high to stop what Jason was doing, to understand what was happening. All he could think in that moment was how close to coming he was and how good it felt with each of Jason's thrusts into his prostate. He couldn’t hear his own thoughts, his ears filled with Jason's grunts and his own moans. He stroked himself to the climax and after a few more thrusts Harry could feel Jason spilling inside of him, he fucked Harry through his orgasm and fell besides Harry on the bed, his chest heaving like he would have run marathon.

Harry laid there coming down from his high, his own thoughts returning. He squeezed his eyes shit willing himself to sleep, but he couldn’t, thoughts about sex with Jason haunting him. He couldn’t forgive himself for actually enjoying it, for how good it felt. It reminded Harry of the very start of their relationship. When he still loved Jason and he wasn’t this angry, drunk beast he is now. When he would come home from work and find flowers on the tableor a little miss you note on the fridge, or how they would talk about having a family in few years’ time over the dinner. It was all good back then and as weird as it sounded to Harry, he missed the old Jason.

Harry turned his head to look at him. His eyes were closed, his chest still heaving with each breath. He looked so much older now. Scruff covering his chin and cheeks, his hair which Harry loved the most, a dishevelled mess, it wasn't shiny as it used to be, just greasy. Harry traced his eyes further down his body. His torso was still muscular as before but he already started to fill around his stomach from drinking beer in front of TV. Harry couldn’t understand how a person like Jason, who always were about working out and eating healthy just like Harry, could turn into this. This mess Harry is looking at now. It’s like he could feel Harry looking at him and his eyes opened. He looked back at Harry and they locked eyes just staring. There used to be a time when Harry could read him just by looking into his eyes, but now all he saw staring back at him was emptiness. Harry saw him lifting his hand to stroke at his cheek, but when he was about to touch Harry jumped up in the bed and ran to the bathroom. He bent in front of the toilet throwing up and feeling Jason’s come dripping down his inner thigh. It reminded him of what had just happened between them and prompted another wave of nausea.

Later when he's showered and went back into the bedroom, Jason was gone. Harry settled on making himself a heat compress and after changing the sheets on the bed he stayed in it all day reading his book. Jason didn't come looking for him when it’s lunch time and Harry felt strangely relieved that he would be able to stay in bed all day without having to cook like Doctor Phillips recommended. He opened his bedside drawer and took out a small pack of crisps, gulping down all of it. He didn't take the medicine though, figuring that if he doesn’t move there is no pain, so no reason to take painkillers. 

It was the same for dinner, no sign of Jason. Harry got out of bed, just long enough to grab something from the fridge and then returns, not even making the effort to check if Jason was still in or not. He fell asleep listening for any sounds, but the flat was still silent.

~

Three days after Harry’s visit to the doctor he already felt a little better. Thanks to the hot pack he’d been using for two days while staying in bed, the pain has subdued a lot.  For the first time in weeks he got out of bed with a smile on his face and no pain in his lower back. He stretched carefully sitting on the edge of his bed. He’s been in the bed for two days, so he figured today he should do something else. Maybe have a walk to Tesco and cook a proper meal. Over the past two days, he's still thrown up from time to time, so he figured it might get better if he filled his stomach with proper food for once.

He was about to head to the loo when he noticed his phone scree light up, flashing to signal a call coming in.

“Hello?” Harry picked up.

“Hello Mr Styles?” a female voice crackled.

“This is him?” Harry answered.

“Doctor Phillips would like you to come see him at the hospital,” she continued.

“Why?” Harry asked, his heart starting to race.

“We got your blood tests back and he said to call you,” she spoke and Harry could hear a rustling of papers in the background.

“Okay... Is something wrong in my blood?” Harry dared to ask, though he knew it wouldn’t be anything good if he has to go see the doctor.

“I’m sorry sir, I cannot answer that question,” the nurse says, “You can just come in like last time, the doctor will see you when you get here, okay?” She continued. “See you soon, bye” she adds and the line goes dead.

Harry sat there thinking of all the possibilities what could be gone wrong. He started blaming himself, thinking he should've gone to see a doctor sooner, saw himself already on his dead bed. Well, maybe he was exaggerating a bit, but the fact that something was found in his blood explained at least why he was still feeling sick.

“It can’t be anything good,” he said to himself squeezing into his jeans. He grabbed his dark green jumper and struggled it on, on the way out of his bedroom. He passed by the living room and stopped to look at the empty sofa. The empty beer bottles gathered on the coffee table were all gone, and the blanket that's usually lying in a mess on top of the couch was folded neatly on the pillow Harry frowned, looking around the unusually tidy room. He continued his way to the kitchen, that looked clean as well, and it made something uneasy settle in Harry's chest. He checked the fridge and the kitchen table, but there was no note from Jason. Nothing to alert him of where he went. Harry shrugged it off, grabbing his coat and reminding himself of the reason of his haste, not in the mood to think of Jason's weird behavior.

He walked down the two flights of stairs as soon as he could without straining his lower back and soon enough he was back on the subway on his way to the hospital. As soon as he got there, his heart sped up to the point where he thought it would burst out of his chest. He walked through the sliding doors again, a feeling of doom looming over his head. The same nurse that had registered him last time was sitting behind the desk, and she told him to go on through as Dr. Philips was apparently waiting for him.

Harry gulped and mouthed a quiet, “thank you”, turning to walk to the already familiar office. Once he reaches it he knocks lightly on the door.

“Yes, come in,” Harry could hear Doctor Phillips say and he pushed the door open.

Doctor Phillips smiled at him as soon as he saw Harry, motioning him to sit down, so that's what he did.

“Good that you could get here today,” he said as soon as Harry’s bum hit the seat.

“Is something wrong?” Harry dared to ask.

“We got your results back today and I must admit it’s nothing I would've expected when you last were here,” Doctor Phillips said and his words made Harry think of the worst.

“What is it?” Harry asked, his voice cracking. He felt himself getting dizzy again and the doctor must have noticed when he started talking again.

“Don’t worry, your blood results came back alright, you have nothing to worry about,” he said leaning across the table and patting Harry’s hand.

“Thank God,” Harry whispered closing his eyes.

“There is another reason why I called you here,” the doctor continued.

“What is it?” Harry asked confused.

“Tell me Harry, how is your lower back?” He asked instead of answering Harry’s question.

“It’s better now, I have had a bed rest for two days straight and I been using the hot packs like you advised. I feel a lot better though I’m worried a little, because I’m still feeling sick in the mornings,” he said rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans.

“That’s very good, at this pace you’ll get better very soon,” he says and opens the file on his table. “Tell me Harry, have you noticed any changes in your body in the past couple of weeks?” He asked looking up at Harry.

“What do you mean doctor? I’m not sure I understand,” Harry frowned confused.

“For example your nipples being very sensitive or sore? Maybe you’ve been urinating more than usual? Fatigue? Any food cravings?” Doctor Phillips listed.

“I’m not sure; I might have had more cupcakes at work than usual?” Harry questioned. “Well, I always feel very tired after work, but I guess these couple of weeks I felt more tired than usual. The same with my... my nipples, they are actually very sore doctor.” Harry added with a sigh.

“Alright,” Doctor Phillips said writing something down. “I’ll cancel your appointment to do the x-ray for your back, have you been using the medication i assigned you?” He asked.

“N-no, I’m sorry I figured that if I’m staying in bed and use hot packs I don’t really have pain in that area, is it bad?” Harry asked.

“Perfect,” Doctor Phillips murmured, “I’ll prescribe you different medication, but it would be better if you wouldn’t use any at all,” he continued writing in his folder.

Harry started to feel a little annoyed with him, he couldn’t understand where those questions would come from and why.

“Sorry, but what is wrong with me doctor?” He waited a minute till Doctor Phillips stopped writing and repeated his question a little louder.

“Well, I’m not sure how you are going to react at the news,” Doctor Phillips started, “but you are pregnant Mr Styles, that also explains why you been feeling sick, your sore...”

Harry couldn’t hear the rest, all that was spinning in his head was words you are pregnant. “I'm pregnant,” Harry repeated dazedly.

“Congratulations” Doctor Phillips said and squeezed Harry’s hand.

You are pregnant. Pregnant. I am pregnant. Harry repeated words in his head; he felt another wave of nausea approaching him. “How?” Was all Harry could say.

“When we got your blood results back we couldn’t believe it either, but after you listing your symptoms it just proved our theory. We have come across just a few men like you Harry, men that can actually produce eggs and get pregnant, so to speak carry the baby,” Doctor Phillips explained.

All this information was making Harry dizzier and dizzier. “What do I do now? How far along am I? I don’t...” Harry asked. He felt like he had a lot more questions than he received the answers to.

“Well...” Doctor Phillips started linking his hands on the desk. “The choice is yours to keep it or do an abortion. If the baby is unplanned, which I assume it is, seeing your reaction, you could also carry it full term and then give it up for adoption.” He explained carefully watching Harry. “I would suggest talking it through with your partner, sometimes one thinks they wouldn't react very well, but they appear happy after all.  And on the how far along you are, I’d say five or six weeks, that’s around when the morning sickness starts, but we can’t say for sure because you don’t have a monthly cycle to start from to calculate the duration. If you decide to keep the baby, I think it would be best if you came back in in about 8 weeks for a scan. He finished looking expectantly at Harry.

“Okay,” Harry nodded. “I’ll... I’ll let you know... Thank you...” he said standing up. He felt like he was floating, like his legs were on auto pilot carrying him out of the hospital and back to the subway.

Once he managed to buy his ticket and get on the train he sat down emotionless. He repeated the doctors’ words in his head over and over. “I’m pregnant” he whispered to himself placing his hands on his tummy. Suddenly he felt warm all over, his skin covered in goose bumps and his heart racing. “I am going to be a father?” He whispered talking to his tummy. If...that.

He looked out of the window. Looked how brown brick walls skipped by. He thought about Jason, about his reaction of Harry’s news. Maybe the baby was a sign that he has to move on from him. Harry knew deep down that there could be possibility that Jason wouldn’t take the news well. He would probably slap Harry again and blame him. But where to go? He couldn’t decide what to do and he didn’t have time either. He sighed standing up as the train approached his stop. There was a young lady standing by the door as well and a little girl that couldn’t be more than 5 years old holding onto her leg. Harry looked at the little girl who somehow reminded Harry of himself. Dark, curly hair was sticking out from under her rainbow coloured hat, her eyes big and green staring back at him. It felt like Harry was looking on himself, at little girl version of Harry. On his own accord his hand found its way to his tummy. He could feel his eyes starting to tear up. The little girl smiled shyly and turned her face away and that’s when Harry decided that he was going to keep the no matter what Jason says.

He stepped out of the train once it stopped and with determination set in each of his steps he made his way back to the flat.

He decided that he would try to get Jason in the good mood first and if he would be drunk Harry would try another day. It had to work, Harry thought, a few years ago they talked about having a family and now by a miracle Harry is pregnant and they have a chance to start over, to build a family.

He quickly made his way up the stairs and found that door was still locked. He breathed relieved when he unlocked it and the flat was still quiet. Harry quickly hung up his coat and hurried to the kitchen to cook something nice.

Harry was checking the potatoes when he heard the flat door close. He lifted his head to a bouquet of dozens of red roses gasping in surprise when from behind them peaked out Jason’s head. Harry almost didn’t recognize him, the scruff was gone and his hair styled and shiny.

“What’s this?” Harry asked surprised as Jason pushed the roses in Harry’s hands.

“I saw these on my way back home and thought of you,” Jason said and his words made Harry blush. He genuinely smiled for the first time in a long time and thought that today must be his lucky day, finally. Maybe he was being too hasty to think about leaving Jason to raise their kid on his own.

“I’m cooking us something nice,” Harry said motioning at the stove.

“Great, I have some news to tell you, I’ll set up the dinner table,” Jason said far too excited and disappeared around the corner.

Harry checked the food once again and hurried to bedroom to change out of his jumper and put the roses in a vase. He smelled them, feeling their soft petals brush against his cheeks. He smiled at the thought that today would turn out to be the best day of his life so far.

He changed into his black silky shirt, the front almost transparent and covered in flowers. He brushed his hair and then ran his hands through them. He smiled at his reflection satisfied and left the room with excitement building in his tummy.

When he got back to the kitchen the food was ready. He took two plates and nicely dressed them, carrying their food to the living room where Jason set up the table. He stopped in awe, looking at how nicely the table was set, it looked like a proper restaurant.  There was even a candle in the middle and a bottle of wine in a bucket to the side.  He stood by the table smiling at Harry and his eyes skimming over Harry’s body.

“I got the food,” Harry said approaching the table and setting both of the plates on it. Jason moved behind him and slid the chair away from the table inviting Harry. He sat down in it and Jason leaned in to kiss his neck and whisper “you look so nice it makes me want to skip the dinner and have a dessert right away.” He winked and made his way to his own seat across the table. Harry couldn’t help himself from blushing. It felt really nice to be wanted as more than just a sex object or a house slave; it felt like the beginning of their relationship.

“What’s the occasion?” Harry asked watching Jason pour the red wine.

“I had a call from my previous boss last night, didn’t want to say anything until I was sure,” Jason said placing the bottle in the cooler. “They are opening up a new factory and you are looking at their new CEO,” he continued spreading his arms, grin on his face.

“Oh my God, that’s such great news!” Harry shouted from excitement.

“So that means you can quit the job at the bakery and stay home,” Jason said after that and Harry’s smile faltered. It all suddenly felt familiar, this wasn’t a new chapter, and this wasn't Jason returning to his old self. Now that he had a nice job he felt like the proper alpha maleand if that was a way to isolate Harry from everyone once more it was just a double win. Even then, Harry swallowed his pride and tried to look at it from the bright side. It would give him time with their baby, make sure he could rest up enough during his pregnancy and he could stay at home with the baby while Jason worked.

“If you want to,” Harry said, forcing a smile and lifting his glass to meet Jason’s half way.

“Cheers to better life,” Jason said and clinked his glass, smiling at Harry.

Harry waited until Jason was half way done with his food to bring up the pregnancy. He was nervous every time Jason so much as glanced at Harry’s glass and the wine stayed the same level.

“I was thinking...” Harry started putting down his cutlery, wiping his mouth with his napkin, “remember how we use to talk about having a family?” He said and he could practically see Jason’s eyes light up.

“I’d love that,” he said reaching across and squeezing Harry’s hand.

Harry breathed from relief. “That’s so good to hear, because I have something to tell you too,” Harry said , getting more and more excited.

“What is it?” Jason asked looking intently at Harry.

“Remember how i was sick every morning?” Harry asked and Jason nodded. “Well, that’s... that’s because I’m pregnant. We're having a baby!” Harry whispered excitedly grabbing for Jason’s hand, but he pulled back.

Harry looked at his face and he was frowning. “You're- you're not happy?” Harry questioned.

“How? How is it possible that you are pregnant?” Jason asked emotionless.

“I...I... Well, the doctor said that I am one of those men who can produce eggs and get pregnant and it must have happened when you didn’t use any condoms, so now I’m preg-“ Harry couldn’t finish because next thing he knew Jason was standing up, his face red with anger and too much wine. He stood up with such a force that he tipped the table, Harry's glass of wine spilling over his lap and his plate with the remainders of his dinner upside down on the floor.

“Out!” Jason yelled, “Get out!”

“What? What are you doing? You-you said you want a family!” Harry cried.

“I want to, but not with... with a fucking freak like you!” He yelled, his face contorted in disgust, pointing a finger at Harry. “Yes, that’s what you are! A freak! Get out of my flat!” He continued his line of insults.

Harry was wrong again, he thought, realising his mistake. Jason hated him, he looked at Harry with such disgust that he couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up, bits of food falling off his lap. He rushed to the bedroom, but Jason was quick enough to catch him by his arm. He spun around facing him and Jason slapped him on his cheek, he pulled Harry impossibly close, so he could smell the wine on his breath and angrily bit h “you are disgusting. Get out!” He spit in Harry’s face and pushed him away. Harry almost toppled over his feet and for that split second all he could think of was that little human being inside of him and he had to do everything to keep it safe. He reached out fast enough to hold by the sofa. He stood up wiping his face and without looking back he put on his boots and coat and was out of the door followed by the sound of smashing glass, probably the bottle of wine thrown against the front door behind his back.

It was freezing outside when Harry walked away from the flat he lived in for almost four years nuzzling his nose in his coat. He wandered around dazedly for a while, until he ended up at the train station where he sat down on a chair.  Like a big wave everything what happened came rushing back at him and he broke down in tears. He thought about how happy he had been just this morning and even more when Jason had come home in such a good mood. How excited he had been to tell him that he was pregnant and now... He hiccuped wiping at his never ending tears. He had nothing left. He was a freak, a disgusting freak of nature that nobody wanted. He had no friends, no family and now he had no longer a place to call home. He was homeless, pregnant, alone and homeless.

He wiped at his cheeks and tucked his hands into his pockets, trying to keep them warm. He felt something sharp pinching his hand and pulled out the envelope. He blinked a couple of times to see clearer. With everything what was going on he completely forgot about Liam’s card. He opened it once again to read through, his eyes catching the tiny smiley face. He looked carefully at the envelope, there was Liam’s address. It was a little smudged from his wet hands but he could still read it. He had no other place to go, so he stood up and made his way to the window to buy a one-way ticket to London.

Three hours later Harry reached his destination. It was his first time ever in London so it took him another 15 minutes to get out of the station and find a taxi. He'd considered taking the subway but he figured that it would cost him a lot of time and effort he was too tired to spare.

He nervously fiddled with the envelope while waiting in line at the taxi stand, and while finally sitting in the back of the taxi and rattling off the address. It was nearing midnight when Harry finally arrived at Liam’s. He paid the taxi driver and got out. Once he stood completely alone on the street he pulled out the envelope again. “Bywater Square, Canary Gateway St Anne's Row... I hope it’s the right place,” Harry murmured approaching the entrance of the tall apartment building. He found Liam’s name written on the large brass board holding all the buzzer buttons for the different flats and pressed the button next to his name. Nobody answered after half a minute, so he tried again. Nothing. Harry buzzed another couple of times and sighed when there still wasn’t any answer. He thought that probably Liam had gone to see his family for the holidays, and his flatmate as well. He was about to give up and just try to find some cheap hotel room when he saw a young couple coming out from the building, laughing and talking among each other as their arms were wrapped around their partner. He smiled at them and once they passed him he caught the door and slipped inside. He looked around searching for anyone, but the lobby was completely empty. He quickly checked on which floor Liam lived and took the lift to 5th floor.

He felt kind of weird on his way up, thinking about what he should say to Liam. It's not like he had called him to let him know that he would be coming, and now he's here, showing up uninvited. Maybe Liam wouldn't even want to see him of maybe he'd be bad for ignoring him for such a long time. The lift stopped and Harry stepped outside. He walked down the corridor reading the numbers on the door.

“57” Harry read and stopped in front of the generic white door. He leaned in and put his ear against the door listening. There wasn't any sound coming from inside. Harry knocked softly on the door. Nothing. He tried again, this time a little harder. He was about to give up and walk away when he heard footsteps and the door opened.

“Harry?” Liam gasped. He looked exactly how Harry remembered him, just a little taller and broader. His hair was cut short on the sides with just the top left longer, replacing his mop of curls, but he still had the same kind eyes.

“Hi,” Harry said, his palms feeling sweaty.

“What are you- I mean wow, it’s such a surprise” Liam exclaimed taking in Harry’s appearance. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude,” he laughed and stepped aside, “come on in” he gestured.

“Sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you, I was buzzing downstairs, but nobody answered and I kind of took a chance by sneaking in,” Harry said stepping past Liam, his eyes roaming the spacious hallway.

“Ah, that thing has been broken for ages, told Louis to tell our superintendent, but looks like he hasn’t done it, lazy fucker,” Liam laughed closing the door behind Harry. “You can hang your coat on the rack over there, I’ll put the kettle on,” he continued passing Harry and disappearing into what seemed to be kitchen.

Harry hesitated when taking off his coat. His shirt was still wet with wine and he probably smelled like a homeless drunk.  He could see dark red patches on his skin and the front of his jeans were covered in white dry spots from the mashed potatoes. His coat was long enough to cover his messed look, but without it he felt insecure.

He peaked around the door frame. “Can I use your bathroom?” He asked. Liam was pouring the hot water into two cups.

“Yeah sure, I’ll show you the way,” Liam exclaimed placing the kettle down and rushing over to Harry.

“It’s fine if you just-“ Harry started, but Liam had already noticed how he looked.

“Harry what... What happened to you?” He asked looking at Harry’s clothes. Then he locked eyes with Harry and before he could say anything he saw how Liam’s eyes changed from kind to protective and almost angry. He could point out the moment when he understood why Harry was here so late and why he had dirty clothes.

Harry hung his head trying to blink away his tears. Liam reached out squeezing Harry’s bicep, “c’mon, let’s get you changed” he said softly and Harry nodded following Liam down the hall.

They entered a bedroom at the end of it, passing another room of which the door was left open and Harry saw a big mess and piles of clothes everywhere. He figured it would be Liam’s flatmate’s. Liam’s room was spacious, like the rest of the flat, and it had something very Liam-y about it, Harry could tell right away. Liam approached the closet and took out a pair of clothes.

 “These should fit you alright,” Liam said handing them to Harry, “you can wash up in there and I’ll wait for you back in the kitchen, okay?” He added pointing at another door, which Harry figured led to the bathroom.

Harry gave him his thanks and Liam smiled as he disappeared through the bedroom door.

Once he took the wine stained shirt off, he discovered that his entire tummy was stained red and even the hem of his white boxers. He jumped in the shower, washing up as quickly as he could and dried in one of Liam’s soft towels. He hissed as the material brushed against his nipple and was reminded of just how much he had to tell Liam. “One step at the time,” he told himself. He decided that he would first try to find out where they stood and then decide on how much to tell Liam. He put on a dark green hoodie and a pair of grey sweats. They were just a little too short, stopping at his ankles, but as long as they were clean and dry Harry was happy. He pulled on the hood for extra warmth and comfort and left his dirty clothes nicely folded on the bathroom counter.

He made his way back to the kitchen and found Liam there making sandwiches, humming a tune.

“Hey,” Liam said as soon as he saw Harry. “I’m making sandwiches, come sit” he motioned at the chair.

“Thank you,” Harry said once Liam set a steaming cup in front of him.

They drank their tea in silence. Harry knew that Liam didn’t want to push; he was waiting until Harry was ready to tell on his own accord.

“Are you alone?” Harry decided to start a little simple.

“Usually no, but since today is Friday, Louis is out clubbing. We won’t see him much over the weekend, he will sleep his hangover off all day and then be ready for next round,” Liam said with a little smile on his face. “But he is very nice guy,” he added looking at Harry.

“Oh... How have you been?” Harry asked wrapping his arms around his cup, trying not to blush at Liam's automatic assumption that he would be here for the entire weekend.

Liam looked at him and smiled a little; he reached out his hand and squeezed Harry’s. “I know this has been hard for you, but I am still your friend Harry, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” he said and Harry nodded.

“I just...” Harry sighed, “I feel so bad Liam, I have ignored you for years because I couldn’t see what you guys found so wrong in Jason, it took me so long to finally realise it. And although I saw it earlier, I wanted to leave him, but...” Harry said, he felt angry at himself, at Jason, about what a fool he had been. “I’m so sorry Liam,” he choked and couldn’t stop his eyes from tearing up.

“Stop, no...” Liam said and got up to pull Harry into a hug, “it’s not your fault Harry, it’s okay,” he whispered caressing Harry’s back. “Please don’t waste any more tears on him, he is not worth it,” Liam continued and somehow it made Harry feel a little better. It felt good to know that Liam wasn’t mad at him, he was still his friend.

“I-I left him for good Liam, that’s why... that’s why I came here,” Harry sniffled wiping at his eyes.

“You did the right thing Hazza,” Liam said, using his old nickname. Once Harry looked at him he added “I’m glad you came here” and smiled squeezing his shoulders.

“Thank you so much Li,” Harry couldn’t stop himself from hugging Liam once more. He already felt better and knowing that Liam was here for him lifted his mood.

“I think we should get some rest now, yeah? Talk some more tomorrow?” Liam started patting Harry on the back, “are you okay with sleeping on the couch tonight until we figure out things?” He asked looking at Harry apologetically.

“Sure, no worries,” Harry smiled assuring.

“I’ll get you a spare pillow and a blanket,” Liam said already making his way to his bedroom. After few minutes he was back with said things and showed the way across the kitchen.

“There we are,” Liam said placing the pillow and blanket on the large grey sofa. It was large enough that Harry could easily stretch his arms and legs without falling out.

“This is nice,” Harry said out loud.

“Yeah?” Liam questioned looking at Harry and he nodded plopping down on the sofa. It was quite soft as well, so Harry wouldn’t have any problems with his back in the morning.

“Alright then, good night Harry, rest well” Liam said suppressing a yawn.

“Night Liam... and thank you once again,” Harry said and watched Liam disappear down the hallway. He placed the pillow on one end and laid down covering himself with the blanket. He left Liam’s clothes on to be warmer. His thoughts kept spinning, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he ended up here and why. He slipped one hand under the hoodie and placed on his tummy. He couldn’t feel anything there, but he felt like that little baby, who probably didn’t even look like one yet, could feel his touch. He caressed his tummy humming softly and fell asleep.

It was still dark outside when Harry woke up the first time. He felt the same sickness crawling up his throat and the thought that he needed to find a bathroom fast. He stumbled on his feet covering his mouth with his hand and tried to see in the dark. He somehow got to the doorway without bumping anywhere. He thought about how bad he would feel to wake Liam up at this hour and while he made his way to his bedroom he noticed that the door to the other bedroom door was still open. He didn’t think too long when he stepped inside. He couldn’t see anyone in the bed and figured that Louis was still out. He rushed to open the bathroom door and collided with another body making his heart jump.

“Bloody hell!” Louis exclaimed stumbling backwards and blinking at Harry. “Who are you?” He questioned.

Harry couldn’t respond, he ran past Louis and made it just in time to not throw up on his bathroom floor.

“Oh God,” Harry could hear Louis mutter behind him.

Once Harry was done he rinsed his mouth and slowly walked to the door. It took all of his willpower to open the door and step outside. the room was still dark and once Harry was in it he could hear soft snoring. He breathed in relief and quietly made his way back to the sofa, hoping that Louis wouldn’t remember him in the morning.

When Harry woke up for the second time, a bright morning sun was shining through the windows. He stretched like a cat and could hear voices trickle out from the kitchen. He still felt a little drowsy so he turned on his side and closed his eyes letting the morning light wash over him.

“...last night,” Harry’s eyes opened once he caught the words. He recognize the voice as Louis’. He covered his face in embarrassment; he didn't want to believe Louis’ remembered.

“You are unbelievable Louis’, I swear it will get you in trouble,” Liam laughed and Harry sighed in relief that after all they weren’t talking about him.

Harry stretched once again and sat up. He couldn’t see much of the room last night, but in daylight it looked very nice. He looked around making his way to kitchen where the two men were still laughing.

“Morning Harry,” Liam was first to notice him coming through.

“Good morning,” Harry said burying his hands in the front pocket of the hoodie.

“Louis this is Harry, he will be staying with us for a while,” Liam said smiling at Harry.

Louis spun around in his chair clutching a cup of tea to his chest. “Hey,” he said tilting his head to the side and squeezing his eyes a little. “I’m Louis,” he reached out his hand to Harry.

Harry grasped it and could feel how his skin was still hot from the tea. Harry couldn’t help noticing that Louis’ hands were so much smaller than his. He also noticed Louis sharp cheekbones and the long lashes complimenting his cerulean eyes. He was really handsome; Harry would even say pretty.

“Nice to meet you,” Harry said, “again...” he added and could see the shock on Liam’s face when Louis started to laugh.

“You know him?” Liam asked looking at both of them.

“I-I met him this morning in his bathroom, kind of...” Harry trailed off and Louis laugh was so joyful and addictive that it made Harry grin as well.

“Oh...” Liam said, “Anyway we are having breakfast, would you like some?” He continued looking at Harry.

“Yeah, sure” Harry said and his stomach grumbled. He let go of Louis hand once he realised he was still holding it and wrapped it around his stomach. “Sorry,” he smiled apologetically.

He made his way around the table and sat down next to Liam. Liam handed him a cup of tea and a plate, gesturing how the rest was on the table.

They spent the rest of their breakfast talking. Well, mostly it was Liam and Louis, Harry just making an amused sound here or there or laughing when Louis said something funny. It felt nice to be around positive people, nice knowing that even if they got drunk he didn't have to fear getting hurt.

“Alright, I think I’ll go catch up on my sleep, got to be ready for round two,” Louis said standing up and if Harry thought he was small, he was wrong, Louis was tiny. Once Harry could see him like this, his oversize sweater and baggy sweats enveloping his tiny frame. “See you later guys,” he said over his shoulder with a smile and disappeared around the corner.

“Want to tell me about it?” Liam questioned.

Harry looked at him confusedly, “What...” he was about to ask, but then he understood, “Oh... Well, I was feeling sick last night or it was already morning, I’m not sure, and I didn’t want to disturb you so I saw Louis room empty and decided to use his bathroom, but it wasn’t empty at all...” Harry explained, “and the rest you already know,” he smiled.

“Are you okay though? Feeling any better?” Liam asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Harry nodded with a smile and just like on queue he felt sickness crawl up his throat. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled rushing to stand up and run to the bathroom. This time he ran to Liam’s room.

When Harry returned Liam had already cleared the table and was waiting sitting staring in front of him deep in thought.

“I’m sorry-“ Harry started, but Liam was quick to interrupt him.

“Do you have an eating disorder Harry?” Liam asked watching Harry.

“What? No!” Harry exclaimed shocked.

“You keep running to bathroom every time you eat, what’s going on?” Liam questioned, “You can tell me, I won’t judge you, you know that,” he added.

“It’s not that... I’m p-,” Harry sighed and sat down across from Liam, “I guess I should tell you why I’m here,” he said glancing at Liam.

Liam nodded and kept watching Harry carefully.

“Okay, where do I start...” Harry said, “Almost a week ago at work my back started to hurt really badly, you know I always had problems with my back, but I had an accident,” Harry decided to stick to his lie he told doctor. “So I-“ he continued, but Liam interrupted him.

“Harry,” he said reaching out and squeezing Harry’s hand again, “if you are going to tell me your story, please don’t lie to me, don’t defend him with lies,” he said looking Harry in the eye, “please.”

“Okay,” Harry sighed, “Jason... we... you know,” Harry looked at Liam and felt his cheeks burning. “And he like, pulled on my hair and my back cracked and ever since that night my back would, like hurt really bad at times and so it hurt again really bad when I was at the bakery and this time I felt sick as well, I threw up,” he continued his story.

“Why you didn’t go to see a doctor after what happened?” Liam asked shocked.

“Jason didn’t let me, he said that I should just take some meds and not waste money for nothing,” Harry explained. Liam snarled and even to Harry’s ears it sounded stupid.

“Why did you listen to him?” Liam asked.

“I thought he had a point at that time, because like he lost his job and I was the only one working and I was afraid that he-“ Harry paused, “that he would...” he didn’t finish, but seeing how Liam’s face changed into anger he knew he understood.

“He hit you?” Liam asked trying to sound calm.

“He didn’t really hit me; he just liked to slap me and push. Nothing more than few bruises,” Harry explained.

“Oh God...” Liam whispered rubbing at his temples.

“So the next day I went to see the doctor while he wasn’t home,” Harry continued, “and after they found out that I have a muscle sprain in my lower back, nothing too serious, so I was on bed rest for two days with hot packs and now I’m a lot better, though doctor said to keep using the hot packs and maybe get some massages.”

“And he let you sleep like that for two days?” Liam wondered frowning.

“Yeah, he saw me when I was sick and told me that he didn’t want me around so he wouldn’t catch the bug or something, I never told him I saw a doctor,” Harry continued.

“And why were you sick? Was it something with your back?” Liam asked.

“No, at first I thought it was and I told the doctor, so he took my blood...” Harry stopped to breathe. He didn’t know how Liam would take the news of him being pregnant. He was a little afraid that he as well would kick him out and call him a freak. Harry blinked a few times recalling Jason’s last words, it was still difficult to just forget and move on.

“And? What is it Harry?” Liam asked his face full of concern.

“The doctor said... they found out that I... I am, I mean I have a lot of hormones in my blood...” Harry paused, knowing Liam’s question before it was even out.

“What does it mean?” Liam wondered.

“They asked me some other questions about how I felt and if I noticed any changes in my body,” Harry continued.

“Oh my God,” Liam exclaimed covering his mouth, “don’t say you have cancer.”

Harry shook his head no. “No! No Liam,” he took a deep breath, “I’m... I’m expecting,” he said and looked at Liam to see his reaction.

TIt felt like two hours before Liam blinked or moved. “You mean pregnant?” Liam double checked.

Harry nodded, his eyes wide. He watched Liam stand from his chair and approach Harry.

“Come here,” he said wrapping his hands around Harry and pulling him into hug, “congratulations Harry, this is wonderful,” he said still hugging Harry close and Harry felt like a thousand of rocks had fallen off his shoulders. Liam was happy for him, he didn’t think that Harry was a freak and it he was so relieved. He sniffled into Liam’s shoulder, feeling overwhelmed.

“Thanks Li,” he murmured.

“I’m so happy that you are okay Hazza,” Liam said softly, “everything will be alright for you and your baby,” he added, pulling back from the hug, but still holding his hands on Harry’s shoulders, “I promise,” he smiled squeezing Harry’s shoulders.

“I can never thank you enough,” Harry whispered not trusting his voice, tears were already rolling down his cheeks and he wiped them away.

“You can thank me by making me the proudest uncle to the little one,” Liam said, pushing his arm playfully.

“I promise,” Harry smiled sniffling.

“And I guess that’s why you were here? Jason didn’t take the news very well?” Liam asked carefully.

Harry nodded. “I told him yesterday,” he sniffled again, “I thought it would be such a great time. He came home in good mood, even brought me flowers. I made us dinner, he even brought some fancy wine that I of course didn't drink. Then he told me that he got a job again as the CEO of a new factory and he seemed so happy. He said I wouldn't have to work, and it seemed to all fall into place, so I mentioned how we had always wanted to have a family and he was really excited about that idea. Until I told him that we had already started one, since I am pregnant.” he paused. Harry tried to stop hid hands from shaking, but he couldn’t. That moment he felt like he was still there, looking at Jason’s bloodshot eyes as he pushed the plates of food on him. Get out! You are disgusting! You are a freak! Harry squeezed his eyes shit, Jason’s words stuck in his head.

“Harry?” Liam’s voice brought him back from last night’s nightmare.

“And then he got really angry at me, he tilted the table so my wine and food got dropped on my lap and he told me to leave, so I did, without looking back,” Harry sobbed again and Liam hugged him. “He called me disgusting Liam,” he sobbed into Liam’s shoulder, “and a freak of nature,” he continued.

Liam pulled back, his face determined. “If anyone’s a freak it’s him Harry. He is nothing but a disgusting freak himself you hear me? Don’t let him get to you,” Liam said emphasizing each word. “He wasn’t worthy of you Harry, you deserve so much better than him,” he continued, hugging Harry again and as difficult as it was, he trusted Liam with his life, and hearing him say that almost made him believe it for himself. Believe that there was someone better for him, someone who would make him truly happy.

That someone was sitting on the floor in the dark living room and crying as well. Crying because of the story Harry told. It hurt so much to hear what Harry had been through and realise that they are the same in so many ways he couldn’t even have imagined. So Louis cried into his sweater covered hands about Harry and his own past, that wasn’t much different from the story he heard just now. It was easy to hide behind the facade he had built for himself. To let anyone and everyone believe that he would be nothing other than optimistic, laughing about everything and the life of the party. Yet underneath was just a broken boy with stitches over his heart he crafted himself.

Later that day when Harry woke up after his nap it was dark outside. He stretched on the sofa listening to the now familiar voices of Liam and Louis. He got up and slowly padded to the kitchen, his socked feet making soft thuds on wood floor.

“Hey guys,” Harry said as soon as he reached the doorway.

“Hey,” Liam was first to answer. He softly smiled at Harry.

“Hi,” Louis responded after and his eyes landed on Harry’s stomach.

Harry rubbed at his eyes feeling it a little sore from all the crying and noticed what Louis was looking at. He looked at Liam questioningly and he nodded with a small smile understanding.

Harry breathed with relief, reassured that Louis knew about his pregnancy.

“How are you feeling?” Louis asked taking Harry by surprise.

“I’m okay I guess,” Harry responded going further into the kitchen.

“You know, we’ve been having a discussion, which I think still isn’t fair just because I’m the owner of this flat,” Liam said accenting the last part and looking pointedly at Louis.

“What happened?” Harry asked reaching for kettle to turn it on.

“We,” Louis started rolling his eyes at Liam. “Have decided that I’m going to give you my bed to sleep in,” Louis said smiling.

Harry looked at both men puzzled. “But why? I don’t need anyone’s bed.”

“We find that difficult to believe,” Liam says. “Look, Harry. You are pregnant and you need a proper bed, if not now then later on for sure and you already have problems with your back. I don’t want you sleeping on my sofa ruining it more. It’s not about how you feel anymore, now you have to think about another life that’s growing inside of you.”

Harry had to admit, Liam had a point and as much as he would've liked to fight both of them on this, it would've been useless and a waste of time. So he did nothing else than sigh dramatically and nods with a “fine.”

“Good decision,” Liam agreed smilingly.

“But I hope you won’t mind me strolling in and out of my room from time to time, I’ll still have my clothes there and stuff,” Louis said tilting his head.

“No, not at all, I’m occupying your bed, not your room, it’s still all yours,” Harry assured smiling.

“Awesome, well as much as I’d like to stay and chat, there’s places I need to go and people to piss off,” Louis laughed standing up from the table.

Only now Harry noticed that Louis isn’t in the baggy clothes he'd seen him in before. He had black tight jeans on, hugging his thick thighs and bum perfectly, and a black shirt under a jean jacket. Not that Harry looked any longer than necessary. His hair was still a bit of a mess, but a styled mess, his fringe falling messily over his forehead. He looked... Harry couldn’t even find a word to describe him.

“Going out?” Harry asked and felt something fluttering in his gut. He shrugs it off.

“Yup,” he said popping the p. “Okay, have fun guys, not that you’ll have as much fun as me, but anyway, see you in the morning,” he said disappearing in the hallway, laughing and after they heard a door click shut the flat went quiet.

“It’s so strange,” Liam was the first to break the silence.

“What is?” Harry wondered.

“Every time he leaves it’s like he takes everything with him. It goes so quiet I can hear a pin drop,” Liam said still looking at the doorway.

Harry understood. Louis was so loud and bubbly, like sunshine. Every time he was around he filled the room with jokes and laughter, with loud words and his snarky replies. The flat might 've been under Liam’s name, but Louis was the heart, the center of it.

“Do you want to go out?” Liam asked suddenly.

“What? I can’t! I’m pregnant if you forgot,” Harry answered confused.

“No, not like that,” Liam laughed. “It’s nearing Christmas and London is beautiful at night.”

“Sure, why not,” Harry agreed and was about to run and change when he stopped dead in his tracks.

“I washed your clothes; your jeans are on dryer in my bathroom. You can keep my hoodie on, it isn’t really warm enough to wear that shirt of yours,” Liam said, apparently having read Harry’s mind.

They both got changed pretty fast and were out of the door in no time.

The air was crisp when they walked down the street and somewhere in the last 24 hours the ground had been covered in a thin layer of snow. It made a crunching sound when colliding with their boots with every step they took, that being the only sound they hear for quite a while.

Once they rounded a corner, walking out on a much busier and larger street, Harry could already see some of the Christmas decorations. They hung high in the windows of the shops lining the streets and on the outer walls of the houses. There were little snowflakes and entire set ups of reindeer's with a sleigh and everything in between. 

Harry felt like a child when Liam pulled him by the hand, down another street that was completely covered in Christmas lights. They waved back and forth above the entire length of the street, Harry imagining them to be little stars. 

“How many nights would it take to count them?” Harry asked no one in particular.

All he saw were the little lights, so bright and so many.

“It’s amazing isn’t it?” Liam stood next to him and Harry could see the same lights reflecting in his eyes.

“Yes, it’s beautiful,” Harry breathed, spinning around.

Once they've seen so much of the fairy lights they've gotten dizzy with it, they made their way further down the streets, discovering more and more Christmas lights all over the streets and hung up on buildings. They stopped for hot dogs and a hot cup of tea to warm them up when they stumbled upon a coffee shop, before continuing their Christmas decorations tour of London City. They talked and laughed with each other, and Harry almost forgot they hadn't seen each other in years. It felt so natural, he almost believed that his years with Jason, isolated from his friends and family were only a nightmare. It was like he had finally woken up. Then again, he still had this little reminder of Jason growing inside him. The baby would always serve as a reminder that it was much more than a nightmare. Harry shook his head, reminding himself that the baby is not part of his nightmare, it's his light in the darkness, the angel that's saved him from his personal hell.

At some point they decided to head back. Liam talked about his part of the life when Harry wasn't there. He talked about moving and meeting Louis. How they didn't get along at first, but slowly became inseparable.   He told Harry about his family and how they've been. Harry felt a bit guilty for not having seen them in such a long time, and when he told Liam as much, the latter promised to take him along when he went to visit next. 

It felt like they never stopped being best friends after all and that made Harry so happy, like a little kid on Christmas morning. By the time they reached the apartment building they're sharing stories of their childhood. It had them reminiscing about old pranks and how everyone always blamed Liam for the things Harry did.

“I’ll never forget that day you pulled my jeans down in front of the class,” Harry laughed remembering it so clearly.

“I said how sorry I was, it was your fault, you challenged me!” Liam exclaimed laughing at the memory. “Thank God they didn’t come down with your underwear,” he continues.

“And that I made an exception and decided to wear underwear that day at all,” Harry pointed out cackling.

“Those were the day’s man,” Liam sighed calming down. “I’m glad you are here Hazza,” Liam said looking at Harry and he could see Liam’s eyes shining. He didn’t know if it was from laughing or if he was really holding back a tear, but his words made something flutter in his chest.

“Me too Li, me too,” Harry responded smiling and resting his hand around Liam’s shoulders.

They made the rest of the walk in comfortable silence. They didn’t talk, but it still felt like they had a conversation. From time to time they would look at each other and just share a smile, that’s how easy and natural it felt. Once again Harry was reminded that he hasn’t laughed or had this much fun in so long, he had already started to forget how it felt like.

“You know Louis has his birthday on Christmas Eve and I’ve been wanting to throw him a surprise birthday party,” Liam said once they were back into flat, both of them warming hands around hot mugs and sporting red noses.

“That sounds great,” Harry agreed sniffling, a prickling feeling in his thighs from their long walk in the frost.

“But I have no idea about the theme you know, I don’t want it only be about Christmas, it’s his birthday too so it has to be something personal,” Liam sighed and sipped on his tea. “And I don’t have much time, it’s already on Thursday,” he shook his head in despair.

“Yeah, that gives you like, four days to set everything up,” Harry agreed. He felt a little excited at the thought of being part of someone’s birthday.

“Help me Harry, you got any ideas?” Liam looked at Harry with pleading eyes. He wished he could help, but the fact he didn’t knew Louis that well made him useless.

“What does he like?” Harry finally asked.

“Erm, Marvel heroes?” Liam answered unsure. “Clubbing? I really have no clue,” Liam cried. “What kind of friend am I?”

“Don’t worry Liam, we will figure this out,” Harry assured. “You know, maybe we can find some clues in his room, let’s go have a look,” he offered and Liam sighed.

“Mess, that’s all you’ll find there,” Liam groaned, but still followed Harry.

Once they entered Louis room Harry realised that it was really messy, dirty clothes and empty pizza boxes all over the floor. A few comics were scattered around random surfaces.

“I wonder what the girls he brings here think when they see this,” Harry wondered prodding at dirty sock with his socked toe.

“He never brings anyone here,” Liam said taking one of Louis t-shirts off the side table. “And he doesn’t swing that way if you know what I mean,” he wiggled his thick eyebrows at Harry.

“Ohh...” Harry responded understanding. He maybe seemed a little too flamboyant to be straight, but now knowing he’s gay as well makes something flutter in Harry's chest. Not that Harry would be interested, he just thought that Louis was pretty, very, very pretty. So pretty that Harry found himself staring at him for too long, he blamed it on his hormones though.

“Harry you in there?” Liam was standing in front of him now, waving his hand.

“Yes, sorry,” Harry apologised shyly.

They kept going through Louis mess and didn’t find anything other than dirty band t-shirts, socks and comics. They are about to give up when Harry comes across a sparkly sock. He frowned thinking, then turned around and his eyes landed on another sparkly garment. He walked over and he lift it up realizing it were sweatpants.

“Do you think he would mind if I took a look in his closet?” Harry asked pointing at the closet.

“As long as he doesn’t find out,” Liam said, but stays at the other side of the bed. “You go ahead, have a look, I just don’t want to spoil my image of Louis seeing what he might hide in there,” Liam added smirked

Harry laughed shaking his head and opened the closet. Seeing how messy his room was, it was pretty surprising that his closet somehow seemed organized.  Harry flipped through a rack of different Adidas sweatshirts and his hand landed on yet another sparkly cloth. Harry pulled it out and discovered it’s a hooded jacket. He smiled running his hand down its arm feeling the soft fabric.

“Perfect,” Harry said, idea of the theme in his mind.

“What’s that?” Liam asked still keeping his distance.

“I have an idea for the party,” Harry answered closing the closet.

“I hope the inspiration of it wasn’t in his closet,” Liam said carefully making his way around the bed.

“Actually it was,” Harry confirmed, eyes bright with laughter.

“No! As funny as you think it would be I don’t think Christmas is time for being a pervert,” Liam said frowning and Harry laughed even harder.

“No, Liam,” he chuckled, “glitters!” He exclaimed pointing at Louis sweatpants.

“What?” Liam mouthed looking confused.

“He likes sparkly things, in this case clothing, look...” Harry pointed and Liam followed his direction.

“Oh..” Liam said looking at the sock and sweatpants. “But shouldn’t he have like full closet of sparkly things if he liked them so much?” Liam asked.

“You don’t get it,” Harry explained. “I love silky shirts Liam, but I have just few of them for special occasions. Imagine if all of Louis clothes were sparkly, it would be kind of weird wouldn't it?” he asked, patiently making his point.

“Alright, I get it now,” Liam said looking more at ease and pleased to have found a theme for the party. “Glitter it is then,” he breathed going for the door. “You will help me prepare everything, right?” Liam asked halfway outside the doorway.

“Sure, just tell me what you need help with,” Harry answered following Liam outside. The evening was pretty much gone when they'd discussed all the decoration ideas and what to get for food. Both of them sat side by side scrolling through cake designs with glitter. They decided to go shopping the day after for all the decorations while Louis slept his hangover.

Harry yawned lying down in Louis’ bed and placed the hot compress under his back. He was in the middle of changing the sheets on Louis’ bed when he felt a little pain in his back. It wasn’t as painful, but it scared him nevertheless, so he decided to lie down, wishing Liam good night just in case.

He rolled down the duvet and lifted his t-shirt. His belly was noticeably growing and he knew that soon enough he would be able to feel it. Feel how the baby moved in his belly. He smiled stroking the bump, he was happy and excited for the baby and couldn’t wait for when he would be able to hold it in his hands. He rolled on his side and fell asleep thinking of babies.

Harry woke up to something falling. He sat upright in his bed and listened, eyes trying to see something, anything through the dark.

“Fuck,” Louis whispered and Harry realised he was holding his breath.

“Louis?” Harry asked feeling around for the bedside light switch.

“Harry,” Louis chuckled and Harry frowned. “I’m sorry if I woke you,” he breathed struggling to talk.

Harry finally found the switch and turned it on setting the room in dim light.

“Louis?” Harry said not seeing any sign of him.

“I’m here,” Louis said and Harry saw only his fingertips peeking out from the foot of the bed.

Harry frowned and crawled on his hands and knees to the end of the bed. Louis was there lying on the floor, his tight jeans low on his thighs. “What are you doing?” he wondered.

“Trying to take off my jeans, as you can see I have not succeeded,” Louis giggled and only now Harry noticed how drunk he was.

“Are you drunk?” Harry asked his own lips forming a smile.

“No, not at all, I’m just little tipsy,” Louis slurred pointing at Harry, his voice serious.

“Then how come you are on the floor with your jeans halfway down?” Harry asked.

“Well–“ Louis drawled out. “These bloody jeans are too tight to take off in the dark, while standing,” he said all too serious.

“And because you are drunk,” Harry added grinning.

Louis sighed. “Are you going to help me or not?” he asked around a yawn.

“What?” Harry asked surprised.

“Now that you are awake, you might as well help me get them off,” Louis answered trying to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, but failing.

Harry laughed at that climbing off the bed and going around. He stopped at Louis still shoe covered feet.

“Ever thought of taking these off first?” Harry joked slowly sitting down on his knees and untying his shoes.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Louis mumbled, seemingly on the edge of falling asleep.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me Lou, you know I can’t carry you and falling asleep on the floor isn’t the best idea,” he nudged Louis feet and his eyes opened.

“I’m awake,” Louis looked at Harry and smiled.

“Better tell me about your night out,” Harry said taking off each of his shoes.

“It was fun... It’s always fun,” Louis sighed his chin digging in his chest from his awkward pose. “You should come out with me sometime; I’d introduce you to my mates. They are fun,” he continued.

Harry just nodded smiling, it seemed like Louis forgot that Harry was pregnant and can’t actually go clubbing with him. He hooked his fingers around the hem of Louis jeans and pulled. “Jesus Louis, in what mind were you to wear those tight jeans,” he said when they didn’t move lower, but instead he slid Louis closer to him.

“These are my best guns,” Louis giggled watching Harry struggle. “Tight, in all the right places.”

“And a pain to take off when drunk,” Harry mumbled smiling. He sat back on his hunches and sighed. “You got to help me Louis, I can’t do this alone,” he said poking Louis in his shin.

“Fine,” he drew out, “what you want me to do?” he asked wiggling on the floor.

“Can you stand and sit on the bed?” Harry asked having an idea.

“I can’t promise, but I can try,” he responded already trying to sit up, and with a little help from Harry he succeeded. Harry watched how he positions himself on his hands and knees and slowly bends his legs holding onto bed frame for leverage.

“Almost there,” Harry said when Louis struggled and fell down on his knees again.

After three tries Louis finally stood, slowly swaying like a tree in the breeze.

“What now?” Louis asked still holding onto the bed, just in case.

“Come here, sit,” Harry held him by the elbow and guided him to the side of the bed. When Louis was about to sit he loses his balance and fell back on the bed, Harry coming down with him and landing on top.

Harry froze with his eyes wide while Louis giggled.

“I’m so sorry,” Harry excused himself getting a hold of his body and blushing as he climbed off of Louis. Louis just kept giggling like it was something funny.

“Your face,” Louis giggled wiping at his eyes. “You should have seen your face.”

Harry kept blushing and wondered if Liam had already heard them.

“Okay, we should get your jeans off,” he scratched at his scalp awkwardly.

“Gee Styles, I would have thought you are afraid of men,” Louis continued forgetting about his jean problem. “Priceless,” he giggled pointing at Harry, kind of.

Harry sighed getting frustrated. He tried not to get angry at Louis about laughing at him, but he couldn’t help. Part of the truth was that, yes, Jason had left a little fear in him, especially now when Louis was drunk and he didn’t know what he could do. He felt guilty thinking like that about Louis, but this situation just made Harry return to his past relationship.

“Harreh?” Louis interrupted Harry from his thought.

Harry just looked at him, gritting his teeth and pulling at Louis jeans.

“Harold...” Louis continued to try to get Harry’s attention, to look at him.

“What do you want Louis?” Harry asked annoyed.

“Are you mad at me?” he asked, his voice sounding small.

“No, it’s just...” Harry sighed giving up and sitting next to him on the bed.

Harry could feel Louis shuffle around behind him until he felt Louis sit up.

“Can I touch it?” Louis asked, his voice almost a whisper.

Harry turned to him frowning. “Touch what?” he asked confused.

“The baby? I mean your belly; can I touch it?” Louis explained in all seriousness.

Harry couldn’t hold his smile back. He shook his head. “You can’t feel it, the baby is too small, now I just look like I have fat on me, not pregnant,” he said looking down at his belly hidden under the t-shirt.

“I don’t care if it’s fat or not,” Louis replied touching Harry’s shoulder. “Can I?” he repeated.

Harry sighed, but still nodded his head. “If you want to,” he said lifting his t-shirt. He felt his cheeks burning once his belly was on display.

Louis slid closer to Harry as much as his half done jeans allowed. Harry watched his hand slowly reach out and fall onto his belly. Harry looked at Louis amazement filled face and smiled, he felt like the spot under Louis hand was burning, sending flutters up his spine.

“How old is it?” Louis broke the silence, his hand still on Harry.

“Doctor said it should be 5-6 weeks, I’ll know for sure in couple of weeks,” Harry responded watching Louis.

“Can you feel it yet?” Louis continued his row of questions.

“No, not yet,” Harry chuckled. “Okay, it’s enough,” he said taking Louis by his wrist and off his belly. He started to feel weird, with Louis looking at his belly like that and his hand almost hot on him. “We should go to sleep, need to rest,” he said standing up and turning to look at Louis.

“Yeah, sure,” Louis agreed. “I’ll be out of here whenever I’ll get these off,” he pointed at his jeans shrugging.

“Can you stand?” Harry asked already reaching out to give a hand.

“I guess,” Louis said grabbing at Harry’s hand and swinging himself up. “Now what?” he asked yawning.

“Hold onto me or something,” Harry said bending a little and hooking his fingers around his jeans again. Louis held onto him swaying from time to time when Harry pressed his jeans down from one side to another, soon enough his jeans gave in and rolled down his legs leaving Harry on his knees in front of him.

“Finally,” Harry grinned looking up at Louis.

Louis just stood frozen staring at Harry his mouth hanging open.

Only now Harry realized his face dangerously close to Louis crotch.

“Oh sorry,” Harry quickly got up, his cheeks turning pink. “You are free now,” he added giving Louis a little space.

“T-thanks,” Louis said stepping out of his jeans and leaving them all crumpled up by the bed. “I guess I’ll go now,” he said holding by the bed, making his way to the door.

“You don’t have to,” Harry couldn’t stop himself before words were out.

Louis froze.

“I mean, the bed’s big enough for both of us and you can, like take just another blanket? I think you shouldn’t sleep on sofa either,” Harry continued shrugging at his words.

“You don’t mind?” Louis asked turning around.

“No, if that... if you don’t?” he questioned poking with his bare toe at Louis discarded jeans.

“Not at all,” Louis answered already making his way over to the other side of his bed. He laid down and sighed.

Harry shrugged smiling and made his way to get the blanket from the sofa he was sleeping on. When he came back with it, he found Louis already softly snoring, his mouth agape.

Harry approached him and covered him with the blanket, he couldn't help noticing how small and childish Louis looked when he slept. He shook his head chuckling at himself for being such a creep.

Once Louis was covered he made his way back to his own side and as soon as he turned off the light he fell asleep.

~

When Harry woke up he lost his bearings for a moment. He couldn’t recognize the room he was in and it took a few seconds before he remembered. He sighed feeling hot and felt a body pressing against his side. He looked at a still sleeping Louis who somehow had ended up next to Harry. His hand thrown over his stomach and forehead pressed against Harry’s shoulder.

Harry smiled slowly sliding out of the bed. Louis sniffled and grabbed at duvet where Harry was sleeping just moments ago.

Harry wore Liam’s borrowed sweatpants and made his way out of the room. As he entered the kitchen he discovered that Liam was already awake, sipping at his tea and typing away on his phone.

“Morning,” Harry greeted holding back a yawn.

“Hey, morning,” Liam greeted back placing his phone on table. “Ready for shopping?” he asked a little overexcited.

Harry pressed his finger against his lips. “Be quiet, he will hear you,” Harry whispered.

“What? I thought he wasn’t home,” Liam said leaning on the side, trying to see sofa.

“He is in his bed, we decided to share,” Harry shrugged and couldn’t stop rolling his eyes when Liam fixed him with a knowing look he didn't know what to make of. “He has his own blanket Liam, don’t look at me like that,” he added.  Harry decided not to add that Louis was practically all over him in the morning though.

“Well, it’s not like he is seeing someone, if you know what I mean,” Liam said wiggling his eyebrows. It had become his thing, Harry noticed.

“Stop it Liam, we have shopping to do, yes?” Harry said changing the subject.

“Okay, okay,” he surrendered. “You’ll want to eat something first though.”

“To be honest, I’m starving and I hope I can hold it in,” Harry mumbled approaching the fridge.

Once Harry had breakfast he got ready as quickly as he could, trying to be quiet to not wake up Louis in the process. He grabbed his phone and wallet and quietly closed the door behind him. He was getting excited about the surprise party. He already could imagine Louis face when he would come home and see the flat literally covered in glitter.

“I’m ready,” Harry whispered to Liam and both of them left leaving a note to Louis that they had gone grocery shopping.

Liam took Harry to all the possible shops where they could get anything glittery and bought some new Christmas decorations as well. Harry couldn’t resist fist size disco balls, he already had an idea where to hang them so they would reflect the lights. He even sneaked a couple of mistletoe's in, just in case, they always make a party much more fun because you never know who will end up under it.

They wandered shops upon shops and streets upon streets until they decided to split up and find a gift for Louis. Liam had already had an idea in his mind so he walked off on is own leaving Harry on the street full of stores.

Harry couldn’t decide what to get for Louis. He tried entering some of the stores and see if they had anything MARVEL related, but the things he found were more for smaller kids. He couldn’t just gift him a mug of MARVEL heroes; even if he hardly knew Louis, it felt too impersonal. He wanted to find something that would match Louis personality. Something that would impress him and maybe remind a little that all this was also Harry’s idea. He was about to turn back giving up on his search to go and buy the mug and MARVEL sweater when he stopped to change his bags around. One seemed to be a little heavier and dig into his palm. He changed it and was about to go when he looked up in the store’s display and there it was. The gift Harry thought would be perfect. It screamed ‘Louis’ from top to bottom and Harry rushed in to get Louis the most memorable gift ever.

~

“Found all you needed?” Liam asked as soon as he met Harry where they'd agreed to meet up after their gift hunting.

“Yes! You?” Harry responded grinning, he still couldn’t tamper his excitement about Louis' gift.

“Yes and even more,” he said bending down and taking out somehow familiar sweater. “Look what I found,” Liam grinned showing Harry the same MARVEL sweater Harry almost bought.

“Wow, good thing I found something different or he would have ended up with two sweaters like that,” Harry chuckled shaking his head.

“Oh God, that would be so awkward,” Liam said placing sweater back in the bag. “Back to the flat?” he asked.

“Yes, got all I need,” Harry kept grinning as they made their way back to flat.

“Is it safe to come in?” Harry whispered peeking in from behind the door.

“Yes, looks like he is still sleeping,” Liam whispered back and approached Harry to take his bags. “We can put everything in my room, he never goes there so it’s safe,” he added making his way down the hall, Harry following behind.

“Liaaaam?” Louis groaned from inside his room.

Liam quickly threw the bags inside and rushed past Harry to answer before he wandered outside.

“What’s up Louis?” Liam answered opening the door to the room and looking inside.

“You know how great flat mate you are and-” Louis started, but Liam was quick to interrupt.

“What do you need?” He sighed.

“Some ibuprofen and water?” Louis asked his voice sounding weak. Harry chuckled closing Liam’s bedrooms’ door.

“Fine, just a sec,” Liam said and went to the kitchen.

Harry hovered next to Louis bedroom door considering going in and say hi, or if he'd better stay outside in case he'd remember last night.

“Hi,” Harry said deciding on going in. He promised himself to stop being so scared about everything.

“Hey,” Louis greeted back. Somehow he had managed to end up under the duvet Harry was using and he looked so small behind a mountain of it.

“Headache huh?” Harry asked leaning on the door frame.

“Just a little one,” Louis groaned and sat up, his eyes barely open.

“Have a rest then yeah?” Harry said about to leave.

“Harry?” Louis called.

“Yeah?” he turned around to face him.

“I just... I wanted to apologize for yesterday, I was kind of a dork to you, I’m sorry,” Louis said fiddling with the duvet.

“Don’t worry about it Louis,” Harry said smiling and walked away once Liam was approaching from the kitchen.

~

Next couple of days Harry and Liam spent preparing all the decorations in Liam’s room. They used every moment they had during days when Louis was too hungover to wake up or nights, when he was out with friends. Sometimes Harry would feel a little sad that he couldn’t hang out with Louis, get to know him better and become friends like he is with Liam. The only time he saw him was in the mornings when Harry would wake up and Louis would be sleeping very close to him. He didn’t even wake up anymore when Louis arrived from the club and got into bed.

Harry had to laugh at himself a little. He was being hormonal; he was just fine spending his time at home with Liam. Even if that meant they would do nothing other than watch TV.

“Any plans for tomorrow?” Liam asked Louis the night before his birthday while Harry sat next to him sipping on his tea.

It was a surprise that today Louis decided to stay in. No clubbing tonight, as he said earlier in the day after waking up from his nap.

“I don’t know,” Louis sighed. “Probably should do some last minute shopping.”

“Do you mind if I join you? I need to get a Christmas gift for my mum,” Harry asked just like he and Liam practiced.

“Sure, why not,” Louis sighed again and Harry could see a little disappointment in his face. It looked like he thought that they have forgotten about Louis birthday.

~

The next day Harry woke up more excited than ever. Not just because it was Christmas Eve, but because it was Louis’ birthday and he and Liam were preparing a surprise party for him.

He was a little sad that all he had to do was keep Louis away from the flat and he had to leave Liam to do all the decoration by himself. He found it a little unfair, but Harry always could add something and he was sure that nobody who'd attend Louis party would have the gift Harry had for Louis.

He felt proud of it. He slept in Louis bed smiling to himself about it hidden in Liam’s closet, wrapped in silver paper with a nice silver bow on top. He really enjoyed wrapping it for Louis. It was his first proper gift to someone in years, so he put an extra effort into it.

Harry got out of the bed while Louis was still asleep. He dressed and brushed his teeth, after making his way out of room. He discovered that even Liam was still sleeping and decided to cook breakfast for everyone.

“Mm smells nice,” Liam’s voice startled Harry making him let go of his spatula.

“Jesus Liam,” Harry breathed and picked up his spatula. “Decided to cook breakfast for everyone,” he smiled.

“Happy Christmas Eve,” Liam said scanning the table Harry had already covered with toasts, bacon and eggs, now working on his pile of chocolate chip pancakes.

“It will be just a minute before they're ready,” Harry said wiping his spatula on his apron. He had actually been surprised to find any apron in this flat.

“Is he awake yet?” Liam whispered sitting down with his mug of tea.

“Don’t think so, I figured to just let him sleep until he wakes up by himself,” Harry responded placing another pancake on top of the pile.

“Yeah, don’t think he would approve of spending the entire day outside just shopping,” Liam mumbled sipping on his tea. “And it’s not like anyone will be here before eight.”

“Morning” Louis yawned rubbing at his eyes.

“Good morning,” Harry and Liam said in unison. Harry smiled turning back on his pancakes while Liam asked, “you are up early.”

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep much with the smell of bacon filling my nostrils,” Louis responded sitting down and making himself a bacon sandwich. “Mm come to papa,” he said taking a bite.

Harry could feel his cheeks blush from Louis way of using word papa.

“What’s before eight today?” Louis asked mouthful of bread.

“What?” Liam frowned.

Louis kept one finger up until he finished chewing. “I heard you guys talking ‘bout something before eight?”

“Oh...” Liam froze looking at Harry for help.

“It’s.. erm.. The shops today don't close before eight, so we have plenty of time,” Harry said already feeling the heat crawl up his neck and quickly going to wash the pan.

“Cool,” Louis nodded. “How I missed this kind of breakfast,” he added taking another toast with bacon.

“All thanks to Harry,” Liam said going for eggs.

Harry sighed finally getting to sit down as well.

“Bless Harry,” Louis smiled around his toast.

Harry could do nothing than mumble that he was happy to cook for them and blush.

They slowly enjoyed their breakfast and talked for a while after when Harry felt someone poke him in his shin under the table. It was already around 12 and when Harry lifts his eyes he sees Liam pointedly looking at him. It was his queue to get Louis out of the flat until eight.

Harry couldn’t imagine with what and how he was supposed to entertain Louis for eight hours outside, in the freezing cold.

~

Harry tried to slow down the time until he was ready. Tried talking Liam into switching places, saying that he felt nauseous and after all he didn’t think doctors would approve of him having such long walks. But Liam being Liam all he had to do was make puppy eyes and Harry took his words back.

That’s how he ended up heading for the center with Louis 35 minutes later.

“What kind of gift are you looking for?” Louis asked after a while. It seemed as if he didn’t like silence. Harry couldn’t remember a time he was quiet.

“To be honest I have no clue,” Harry decided to say the truth, because he really had no clue.

“Well, that’s very... Helpful,” Louis chuckled.

“Sorry,” Harry sighed. “I just haven’t met them for years and now I’ll need to, because of the baby and-“ he rambled on, “I don’t even know how they'll react to the news,” he continued, his head bent.

“It can’t be worse than with him, can it?” Louis said, his hand brushing against Harry’s.

“I guess, but I’m still scared,” Harry said stopping. “What if they are disgusted as well?” he added his eyes big. He wouldn’t survive knowing that his family had left him as well, just because he could get pregnant.

“Harry,” Louis said bringing Harry out of his thought. “They will be happy for you, you need to stop worrying,” he turned Harry to face him, his somehow warm hands on Harry’s cold cheeks. “They will love you no matter what; there is no chance that they would say something bad about a lovely son like you.”

Harry saw something change into Louis eyes when he talked about family. Something he couldn’t quite explain, but something. Louis words helped him somehow though; he felt a little better hearing from Louis these words of encouragement.

He closed his eyes letting the winter cold and Louis warm hands wash over him. “Okay,” he breathed, “thank you, Louis,” he said opening his eyes.

“That’s better,” Louis smiled. “Now think about positive things, think about the baby, it can’t be good to worry like that all the time.” Louis retrieved his hands and nudged Harry to keep going. “What do you remember about her?” he asked.

“Well, I remember that she used to have a garden. Full of flowers, she loved flowers,” Harry said smiling at the memory. “When I visited her she used to ask me to mow her lawn and once I accidently drove over her flowers, I felt so bad,” Harry frowned.

“What did I say, just good things, yeah?” Louis said lightly bumping in his shoulder.

“She wasn’t mad at all though, she laughed,” Harry said.

“Hm, you could get her something related to flowers maybe?” Louis said, a hint of thought in his voice. “I might know a good store for that.”

Louis led Harry down the streets, turning left and right so quickly that even Harry felt like he couldn’t find the way back if he needed to. London was quite... big and it would take a lot of Harry’s time to not get lost in it like Louis and Liam.

When Harry was about to ask Louis how far it still was, they stopped in front of old looking shop. They entered through squeaky doors and a bell rang signalling that someone’s here. At first Harry couldn’t see anything more than old furniture and dust collected through the years on every surface.

When he was about to tell Louis they should go, an old lady came through another door behind the counter.

“Hello boys, how can I help you?” She said smiling at them.

“Hello, we are looking for the perfect gift to his mom,” Louis said pointing at Harry, who awkwardly waved.

“I see,” old lady said sliding her glasses on. “Is there anything in particular you are looking for?” she asked going around the counter.

“She likes flowers,” Louis answered. Harry felt like he just came to accompany Louis while he got a gift for his mom.

“I think I might have something special,” she said opening one of the displays. “What do you think?”

She showed them the most beautiful vase Harry had ever seen. It was a deep blue color with a large pink flower in the middle, small light blue petals covering its neck. It was beautiful and he knew his mom would love it.

“I love it,” Harry voiced his thoughts.

“It’s pretty amazing to be honest,” Louis agreed.

“You're taking it then?” the lady asked already closing the display and returning to the register.

“Yes,” Harry and Louis said in unison. Harry could see Louis cheeks colour a light pink shade when he realized he was deciding on Harry's gift for his mum. The lady wrapped the vase carefully and gave Harry a discount, saying that she hadn't seen such a cute and complementary couple before, which left both of them flushed when they stepped out of the shop.

Now that Harry had a gift for his mom he thought that Louis would want to head back to the flat, but it was still too early and he tried to think of possible ways to postpone it.

“Do you... maybe... want to eat something before we head back?” Louis surprised Harry with his question.

“Sure, I’m kind of hungry,” Harry said patting his belly. “You know somewhere good?” he asked curiously.

“I might,” Louis winked and led Harry down yet another maze of streets.

Soon enough they arrived at small caffé. It was decorated with little cupcakes wearing Christmas hats outside and that might be the thing which Harry considered most important. Once they were inside Harry’s nostrils were flooded by the sweetness of all kind of cakes and muffins he could imagine and a little bitters cent of the coffee beans.

“This is nice,” Harry said looking around like a little child in toy store.

“Wait until you've tasted anything,” Louis said making his way to the cake displays. “Hmm I’ll have one chocolate muffin and that one with mint choc chip,” he pointed at two different muffins and the girl behind the counter serving them took his sweets. “Harry?” he turned.

“Y-yes, mm, I’ll have... raspberry, white chocolate, mint, the one with those sparkles on too... hmm,” Harry said. There were so many of them and suddenly it reminded him of the bakery and he craved to try them all.

“Is something wrong?” Louis suddenly said and Harry lifted his eyes to look at him, but Louis wasn’t talking to him. He was looking at the girl behind the displays, his face annoyed. The girl blushed trying to escape Louis deadly glare. “Go on love, what else do you want to try?” Louis said turning to Harry. He placed his hand lightly on Harry’s hip smiling, encouraging him.

Harry felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. “And the banana one, please.”

“And two cups of Yorkshire please,” Louis added. Harry reached for his pocket, but Louis stopped him, hand on his. “It’s on me,” he smiled warmly at Harry, as he turned to the girl behind cashier his smile dropped.

They chose a small table by the window and sat down to eat their muffins.

Harry couldn’t resist his craving to devour them all. He realised how silly he must look when he had only three muffins left and Louis was still nibbling on his first one, small smile playing on his lips.

“So I take it they are good?” Louis said smiling.

Harry couldn’t answer his mouth full of muffin so he nodded smiling back.

Louis laughed throwing his head back, his eyes little slits with crinkles all around.

“Sorry, yes they are very good,” Harry finally could say, his tongue shooting out to lick at his lips. Louis stopped laughing to sip from his tea.

“You’ve got icing on your cheek,” he remarked, his hands folding around the warm cup.

Harry rubbed at his cheeks furiously only making Louis laugh again.

“No, wait, stop,” he swatted at Harry’s hands. “You are just making it worse, let me-“ he leaned over and Harry could feel his thumb brushing his cheek ever so lightly.

Harry watched Louis with bated breath, amazed by how beautiful he looked up close, not that he wasn’t beautiful at any distance, he was, but this close, Harry could almost see his own reflection in his blue eyes, the pink tip of his tongue darting out in concentration. He once again felt that same fluttering feeling in his chest and belly, but before he could think too much about it Louis touch was gone.

-there, much better,” Louis smiled sitting back in his chair.

“Thank you,” Harry said, clearing his throat when his voice cracked.

After that they fell into silence, Louis just looking into his cup of tea and Harry intently watching him.

“So...,” Louis started looking up, catching Harry off guard staring at him.

“I used to work in the bakery myself,” was first row of words that escaped Harry’s mouth. He knew he had to say something before it would get any creepier from Harry’s side. He could feel that he was blushing just by Louis eyes on him.

“Really? Something like this?” Louis asked flailing his arms around the caffé.

“Not really, but I did bake muffins too,” he added looking down on his trio of muffins. “I think that’s where my craving for them started.”

“It’s only normal, as far as I am aware,” Louis said eating another piece of his muffin.

“I’ll kind of miss the bakery,” Harry almost whispered. “But I guess my list of things I have lost only grows.”

“Don’t say that Harry,” Louis said reaching out for Harry’s hand and squeezing it. “You 'e got Liam again, you'll soon see your mom, and in a couple of months you'll have a baby,,” he assured.

“And you,” Harry added. “I mean I have met you too now,” he said feeling a little awkward of his choice of words.

“Yeah, and me,” Louis smiled and Harry thought he wouldn't ever stop blushing in this lifetime.

“Are you eating those or...?” Louis asked suddenly.

“I-I think I’m done,” Harry answered looking sheepish.

“Don’t worry we’ll take those with us, we'll eat them later on,” he smiled. “There is one more place I want to take you to, if you don’t mind?” Louis asked placing the leftover muffins in one of his bags.

“Yeah, sure,” Harry smiled, his mood returning.

“If you want to head back to the flat, just say so. I don’t want you to get sick because of me,” Louis said standing.

“No it’s fine. I want to,” Harry insisted and he knew they still had another four hours to fill before they could return.

“But even if you think you might want to get back, tell me, okay?” Louis asked.

“I promise,” Harry smiled and followed Louis out in the winter cold.

~

“Where exactly are we going?” Harry asked for the third time while following Louis.

“Just wait and you’ll see,” Louis said, throwing a smile over his shoulder.

Harry sighed and could feel his legs starting to hurt a little from the long walking. He could only be grateful that he was only six weeks, nearing seven, pregnant, he couldn’t even imagine himself walking this long looking like a snow ball.

They rounded a corner and into Harry’s view came a Victorian style building. It looked like an old palace and Harry thought that Louis was taking Harry to see an opera or something of that kind.

“Can you at least tell me if we are going into that building,” Harry asked hopeful.

“Possibly,” Louis grinned.

As it turned out they were indeed going to the Victorian style building but it wasn’t to see opera or an art exhibition.

Once they stepped through large door they ended up in wide hallway, looking much like registration in the hotel.

“Wait here yeah?” Louis said and went off to the registration looking desk.

Harry used the time to look around at all the posters about attractions and performers. He could hear music coming from four different directions and each of them was another style. There wasn’t much of a crowd in lobby, but from time to time groups of happy looking people or families exited through one of the four doors.

“You ready to have some fun?” Louis said coming back, his face split into grin.

“Depends about what kind of fun you are talking about,” Harry said eyeing Louis hand. He was holding two papers; the only thing Harry could see of it was a pink corner of a picture.

“You’ll love it. This way,” Louis responded and led Harry in the direction of one of the large doors.

Harry couldn’t imagine what it could be that he would love. He knew that Louis didn’t know him very well, but maybe he had talked with Liam about Harry and they hadn't mentioned it. Or maybe Louis just assumed that everyone liked the things he did, or maybe they were here just to see a band or for a Christmas related attraction. Harry was clearly excited about Christmas so maybe Louis figured he’d surprise Harry with something Christmas related.

“Close your eyes,” Louis said once they stopped at the door. “And don’t peek,” he added taking Harry’s bag from him and grabbing his wrist.

“Okay,” Harry closed his eyes, excitement boiling in his belly.

He could feel the sudden change of air temperature as soon as he heard Louis open the door. At first he thought that they were outside again, but the music and voices seemed to indicate the opposite. As they walked on he could hear the noise of something... something that sounded so familiar, but yet he couldn’t put his finger on it. They stopped and it somehow made Harry squeeze his eyes shut even tighter.

“You can look now,” Louis said, and Harry could easily hear the excitement in his voice.

Harry took a deep breath and blinked his eyes open. As he did bright, flashing lights blinded him again so he squeezed his eyes shut again. He blinked a couple of times, his eyes adjusting to bright violet light that changed on the rhythm of music flashing in all colours of the rainbow, but mostly staying violet.

As soon as he saw the ice rink he understood where the familiar sound came from, the sound of steel cutting the ice. He loved skating. He remembered doing it with Liam before he met Jason. That was always where he felt the happiest, on ice. Gliding through the masses of people or just alone. Feeling the wind blow in his hair, it almost felt like flying. Like being free.

“How... how did you know?” Harry asked barely audible, still taken by surprise.

“Liam told me this story about his best friend who seemed to be born on ice, a couple of years ago when we went skating. He never told me who it was, but after you showed up I kind of guessed it had to be you,” Louis smiled. He reached out his hand to Harry, “want to get those skates on and show me what Liam was talking about?”

“Yes, please and thank you,” Harry exclaimed linking their hands. He couldn’t stop smiling and couldn’t believe that Louis would figure something like that out. Let alone Louis surprising him with a ticket to the rink.

They approached the counter where they could rent the skates and leave their stuff. Most of the skates were black, but Harry found a perfect pair for himself in white. Harry was too excited to get on the ice and changed quickly, Louis didn’t stay behind.

“Ready?” Louis asked once both of them were standing just a step away from ice rink.

“Yeah,” Harry answered excited, but little hesitant. He missed skating, but he also felt a little unsure. He hadn’t skated for years and he was afraid to fall in the wrong way and hurt the baby or even lose it.

“You okay?” Louis asked turning Harry to look at him. He could probably see that Harry was worried.

“I’m just a little scared, it’s been years and I don’t want to fall and hurt the baby,” Harry explained.

“Let’s do this slowly, okay?” Louis said stepping on the ice. He made a small circle, just to try out the skates and the ice. He seemed like he knew what he was doing on ice and it surprised Harry how well and easy he could spin around, complete control over his legs on the ice.

He skated back to Harry and stopped in front of him reaching out both of his hands.

“Come on, I’ll hold you until you feel like you can do it,” Louis smiled encouraging Harry.

Harry slowly reached out and tightly held onto Louis hands. He slowly stepped one ice, step by step. At first he felt unstable, as if it washis first time on the ice. His legs felt wobbly, much like a new-born giraffe trying to stand. He could feel all of his body muscles clenching so tight they hurt.

Louis slowly started to skate backwards pulling Harry along. “One by one,” Louis said moving his feet.

All Harry could do was stare how Louis feet moved over the ice, his own still frozen. When Louis didn’t see any progress from Harry he stopped. He squeezed Harry’s hands making him look up.

“Stop thinking about it so much love, “ he said holding Harry’s stare. That feeling of fluttering in his belly was back and Harry could feel himself relax a bit. “Close your eyes,” Louis said sliding a tad bit closer.

“What?” Harry exclaimed.

“Just trust me Harry, close your eyes,” Louis said squeezing Harry’s hands.

Harry looked around and was grateful that there weren’t that many people anymore. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes holding onto Louis tighter as a sign he didn’t want to be let go.

“Tell me, how does it make you feel when you are on the ice?” Louis asked. Harry could feel him to start moving again.

“I’m afraid that-“ Harry started, but Louis was quick to interrupt.

“Not now love, tell me how it felt all those years ago,” he squeezed Harry’s hands again.

“Well, it was... very calming, I loved skating,” Harry said. He felt a little wind catch his hair. “It felt like flying, like that moment when you are about to be air bound and you have these butterflies in your belly,” Harry could feel himself smile and relax slowly. “I just love to feel the wind and the sound when skates cut the ice. I feel free.”

“That’s good,” Harry could hear a smile in Louis voice.

They didn’t say anything for a while and Harry kept his eyes closed like Louis told him. He concentrated on Louis small hands in his, the way he held him steady and pulled him along. He could hear his skates gliding on the ice so he listened, concentrated on that sound.

He was too deep in his thoughts to hear Louis the first time, but when he spoke again he said, “You can open your eyes Harry.”

And Harry did. First thing he saw was Louis smile. He felt him squeeze his left arm and looked down. He didn’t remember when Louis let go and now was holding just one hand. He also realised that Louis was no longer pulling him along; he was actually doing it himself.

A wide grin split his face. “I’m skating!” he exclaimed and Louis smiled back at him.

They skated for a while and Harry felt happy that he could do it again. He wasn’t scared anymore and Louis’ hand in his just assured him that he was there, holding tight, just in case he needed him.

He tried to stop and hug Louis as a thank you for what he’s done, because he helped him to not feel so scared but he was too excited to stop so he bumped into Louis instead. They stumbled on the ice and Harry could feel Louis arms wrap tightly around his waist the exact time he knew they were falling.

All he could do is yelp in surprise and fear for the baby and squeeze his eyes shut. The next moment he felt air hit his cheek and he opened his eyes to see that Louis was between him and the ice.

“Oh my God, are you hurt?” Harry asked looking down at him.

“No, I’m fine,” Louis laughed.

“You sure? You didn’t hit your head or anything?” Harry scanned Louis face for any distress though all he did was smile.

“No, don’t worry,” he smiled. “At least the baby’s okay,” he said and his smile disappeared right away, concern shadowing his features. “The baby is okay right? Do you feel any pain?”

“We are all good, you took the blow,” Harry answered Louis sudden concern evoking the flutters in his chest once more.

“Okay,” Louis breathed and Harry smiled back at him.

They looked at each other not even realising they were still laying on the ice. Harry lost in Louis blue eyes and he knew exactly how close they were. His eyes flickered down on Louis slightly parted and chapped lips. Harry was so close he had to fight the urge to kiss him. He looked back into Louis eyes slowly blinking at him, flickering at Harry’s mouth too for a second and he knew that Louis was thinking the same thing.

The loud noise of something like a horn brought them back to reality.

“Oh, I’m sorry I must be heavy,” Harry stuttered hurrying to stand up.

“No, it’s fine, don’t worry,” Louis followed to stand and helped Harry on his wobbly legs. “I guess that was our queue to go,” Louis added chuckling.

“What do you mean go? We just arrived!” Harry said, a million thoughts running through his mind because they couldn't go home yet, since Liam probably was still decorating the flat.

“They are closing the ice rink, look around we are the only ones left here,” Louis laughed shaking his head.

Harry did realise that, yes, they really were the last ones around. “What time is it?” he asked surprised.

“We’ve been here for three hours Harry,” Louis smiled answering and squeezed his hand once again.

“Oh,” was all Harry could say. Time flew so fast with Louis, he didn’t even realise it, but he still had another hour to fill until they could go home and have Louis' surprise party.

“There is a caffé here too and I think they should be open longer than the ice rink,” Louis said stepping off the ice and helping Harry. “Do you maybe want to get some hot chocolate before we head home?”

“Yeah, I’d love that,” Harry responded feeling a lot better off the ice. His legs still felt wobbly, but he wasn’t that afraid anymore.

They quickly changed back into his boots and took their bags heading into lobby where the small coffee shop was. They both ordered large cups of hot chocolate, Harry’s with cream, and took a seat close to the open fireplace.

They slowly sipped and shared the rest of Harry’s muffins.

“When did you meet Liam?” Harry wondered nibbling at his muffin.

“I met him at Uni,” he answered. “To be honest I didn’t think we would be such good friends as we are now,” he laughed.

“Why?” Harry asked.

“We couldn’t stand each other, we were literally at each other’s throats,” he sipped his hot chocolate. “I think he was this close to whack me,” Louis said gesturing with his fingers, leaving just a small space between his pointer and thumb.

“But look at you two now, sharing a flat,” Harry exclaimed.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have believed it at that time,” Louis chuckled. “How ‘bout you? How did you two meet?”

“I know him since we were little, I could say he is like a brother to me,” Harry said smiling. “We didn’t go to the same Uni though, so that’s where we parted ways. He was busy with Uni, I had Uni and a relationship I thought was perfect,” he sighed at the memory.

“At least now you two have reunited and that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Louis said finishing his hot chocolate and sliding his cup further away.

“Yes, I’m glad we did,” Harry said. “If he... If I wouldn’t have received his Christmas card, I don’t know where I would be right now,” he added, his brows furrowing.

“Do you have any siblings?” Louis was quick to change the subject.

“Yeah, I have older sister, but I haven’t seen her for years. She moved to California, has her own family now,” Harry said suddenly missing his sister. That only reminded him of how close they used to be, but at least he couldn’t blame Jason for not seeing her, it was just the distance and their separate lives that made them grow apart.

“Are you an only child?” Harry asked curiously because he hadn’t heard Louis talking about anything related to his own family.

“No, I have five sisters and a brother,” Louis said hesitant. “All of them younger though,” he smiled.

“Woah, that’s a really big family, it must be great to see all of them when you go visit,” Harry said in awe smiling at the image of Louis crowded by his smaller siblings.

“Yeah,” Louis responded looking at the fire. “I think we should go now, it’s starting to snow again,” he added pointing at the large window.

Harry looked at Louis surprised, noticing the tension in his shoulders. Maybe he was just imagining it and Louis was just tired of talking and being out with Harry. He stood up from the table and decided not to dwell on it any longer, it was Louis' birthday after all and he best get Louis back to flat in good mood.

“Yeah, I think we should,” he simply responded and followed Louis outside.

~

It was snowing as Louis said, it were those big snowflakes that slowly make their way down from the sky, like feathers. Harry could see them already piling up on his shoulders and in his hair.

They made their way back to flat in silence. Harry still though Louis shoulders were tense and his movements stiff. His face contorted in frown and his jaw set, his eyes fixed in front of, like he couldn’t wait to get home.

Harry wouldn’t forgive himself if he would show up to his surprise party like that. He suddenly stopped and watched how Louis stomped forward not even realising he was walking alone.

“..Five, six, seven-“ Harry counted his steps and he finally stopped looking around, searching for Harry.

“What are you doing?” Louis turned to him taking a step back.

“I-“ Harry didn’t really knew what to say, he looked around approaching Louis and saw an angel blinking in the window behind. “I want to make snow angel,” he blurted before he could realise.

“Snow angels? You've got to be kidding me,” Louis said his features already softening.

“No, I’m serious. Please?” Harry said trying to make his best puppy eyes impression.

“Oh god, please don’t make that face,” Louis laughed making Harry grin. “Louis does enough of them.” He was just a few steps from Harry now. “Where?” he asked.

Harry looked around the street, there wasn’t much of a space anywhere, but further ahead he saw a bus station. “There maybe?” he pointed not sure.

“Okay, let’s have a look,” he said and both of them made their way over.

There wasn’t much space either, but it was enough to get down and make a snow angel. The station was still covered in thin blanket of snow since it was too late to be cleaned.

Harry carefully chose his spot and laid down sprawling his legs and arms like a starfish. He moved them up and down, left to right while grinning, Louis watching him from the side, face split in grin.

“I think that’s enough Harold,” he chuckled. “If you continue I’m afraid the snow cleaners won’t have any job left to do in the morning.”

Harry giggled and sat up. “Does it even look like a snow angel?” He wondered turning to look at it.

“It did at some point,” Louis said smiling. “You better get up, don’t want you to get flu or something, Liam will kill me,” he rushed to help Harry up, careful not to ruin Harry’s masterpiece in the process.

“Thank you,” Harry said once he was beside Louis, both of them looking down at the snow angel, their hands still linked.

Louis just smiled at him and tugged at his hand to proceed their walk home. Harry couldn’t stop the smile that crept on his face. He knew Louis just for nearly a week, but he felt so free with him, like he could be himself and Louis wouldn’t make fun of him or laugh at him. He would just watch Harry do the stupidest things without any judgement. Harry felt like he knew him for longer than just a couple of days, but at the same time there were parts of Louis that still were undiscovered. His earlier experience taught him that talking about his family wasn't a good idea. It made him tense and very quiet and Harry had discovered that he didn’t like to see Louis like that. He wanted Louis to laugh and be the constant sunshine he always seemed to be. He was still wondering why Louis reacted so strongly to his family being brought up though, but for now he pushed the thought away and concentrated on the feeling of Louis' hand in his.

They finally reached the street where they lived and with every step closer Harry felt ithe excitement in his belly build up. He couldn’t stop wondering what Louis' face would look like so he hoped that Liam would have it on film. They spent their walk back with small talk, Harry mostly talking about his bakery adventures and a comfortable silence here and there. At some point Harry tried to start a snowball fight, but Louis just shrugged him off laughing that he wouldn’t throw a snowball at a pregnant man. That kind of ruined all the fun for Harry, but Louis was quick enough to tell Harry a story about Liam getting a blue eye in snowball fight and turning up like that at his midterms and it was enough to get Harry giggling. Suddenly they were only a couple of steps away from their flat. Harry looked up at the windows and noticed they were dark. For a split second he worried that something had gone wrong, but then he saw a shadow peeking through and was assured the party was waiting for them to arrive.

He felt more buzzing with each step, as if he was going to throw up the butterflies fluttering in his belly.

“What’s gotten into you?” Louis asked stopping on the stairs, just few steps from the door.

“Nothing, I-I just... feel a little woozy,” Harry explained.

“I knew that snow angel thing won’t do any good,” Louis said tugging Harry’s hand. “Let’s go and get you to bed with some hot tea.”

Harry smiled loving the idea, but he knew it wouldn’t be happening anytime soon.

Louis reached for the doorknob and guided Harry inside. As soon as the door closed behind him for a second it was all quiet and then it was loud yelling of happy birthday and bright lights turning on.

Louis froze still clasping Harry’s hand looking at all the people that flooded the hall of Liam’s flat.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!” all of them sang wide grins on their faces and one by one they rushed forward to hug and congratulate Louis.

Harry let go of Louis hand unwillingly and watched him disappear in the crowd of faces Harry didn’t even knew. All of his excitement leading to this disappeared. He found himself wishing that they could return back on the ice rink or outside, just the two of them and the quiet of the streets. He wished he could hold Louis' hand in his and hear him laugh or swim in his blue eyes and maybe this time have the guts to reach out and kiss him.

“Finally, I already started to worry where you two were,” Liam appeared out of the crowd interrupting Harry's thoughts.

“Y-Yeah we made it,” he smiled, still happy to see at least Liam's familiar face.

“Take off your coat and come with me, there’s people I want you to meet,” Liam said already unbuttoning Harry’s coat.

“Who?” Harry asked curious.

“Just few friends,” he winked smiling and Harry hoped that his brain sending him warning signals was just him being nervous and excited.

As it turned out Harry was right. Liam’s friends were three guys who had been looking forward to meet Harry, because of Liam’s constant talking about him.

The first one was Dave. He was very tall, taller than Harry, and little round around his belly. He seemed overly polite to Harry and it just made Harry feel bad that he couldn’t really enjoy his company because of the constant football talk and funny cat videos. At some point they just weren't funny anymore.

The second guy Liam introduced to Harry was Nick. He was shorter than Harry, but he was quite nice. Harry could say that he enjoyed his company. He enjoyed hearing him talk so passionately about his job as radio host and all the fun things he had done at the festivals. He much reminded Harry of Louis, he would whisper sassy remarks on the people passing them by or laugh out loud at some jokes, sometimes it was borderline annoying, but Harry couldn’t see him as anyone he would date.

The last person, well... Harry didn’t even hear his name because somebody, apparently being Louis, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away. All he could muster was a “Sorry!” trying to maneuver through masses of people.

“There you are,” Louis said, stopping near the couches. “I love the idea of glitter by the way,” he grinned pushing the glass of red substance in Harry’s hand.

“What? Why... I’m glad you like it,” Harry said a little taken back. He had tried to find Louis all night in the sea of faces, but he couldn’t locate him and now here he was. He felt the flutters in his belly returning. Harry could tell that Louis already had a few drinks; he was swaying a little and grinning like a maniac from ear to ear. “I can’t drink this though,” he added handing the drink back to Louis.

“No, don’t worry its non-alcoholic punch, I’m not that drunk on my arse to forget that you are pregnant Harold,” Louis said pushing the drink back. “Anywaaaaay,” he drawled, “who told you about my weakness for sparkles?” he narrowed his eyes at Harry.

Harry smiled around his glass sipping on his punch. Louis was right, he couldn’t taste any alcohol in it. “I figured it out myself, thank you,” he answered pointing at Louis' feet. “I see you’ve got an addition to your collection.”

“Yeah, Zayn got me these,” he wiggled his sparkly Adidas sneakers. “Oh, talking ‘bout Zayn. Zayn!!” Louis turned on the side and shouted over the music into the direction of balcony.

A tall, skinny guy with bleached blond hair and a leather jacket emerged from it. He looked absolutely stunning if Harry was being honest.

“Zayn, this is Harry. Harry, this is Zayn,” Louis introduced them. They shook hands; Harry’s a little sticky from the punch.

“Hi, nice to meet you Zayn,” Harry politely said smiling, glancing at Louis and the way he looked overly happy to watch them meeting.

“My pleasure, Louis has told us about you,” Zayn chuckled and wrapped his hand around Louis shoulders.

“Oh, he-he was?” Harry wondered. This was new. He watched Louis squirm under Zayn’s arm.

“Yeah, wouldn’t shut up about you,” he laughed squeezing Louis closer and Harry felt irrationally jealous for not being able to hug Louis like that.

“Okay, I’ll leave you two now,” Louis excused himself quickly smiling at Harry and disappeared in the crowd again.

Harry couldn’t believe that he would leave so soon. He just found him and now he was gone again.

“Don’t worry he won’t be gone for long,” Zayn said touching Harry at his shoulder.

“What?” Harry asked confused.

“You know, with that look on your face it’s not difficult to understand what you are thinking,” he winked with a knowing smile.

Harry blushed, not realising he was being so obvious; he secretly thanked Liam for leaving the flat dark, with just the Christmas lights and few disco lights being the only light sources.

“Want to sit down?” Zayn offered gesturing on the sofa. There was just one space left beside a couple who couldn’t seem to keep their hands off of each other.

Harry would object, but Zayn was already making his way around the sofas and all Harry could do was follow.

“Sit,” he said to Harry and he obliged slightly turning his back to the couple. Zayn sat down on the floor and crossed his legs.

“So, do you know if it’s a boy or girl already? Zayn asked out of the blue reaching in his pocket.

“What?” Harry asked surprised.

“Your baby? You are pregnant, right?” Zayn questioned taking out the packet of tobacco.

“Oh... Yes, erm I don’t know yet,” Harry said feeling a little taken back. He wouldn’t expect anyone else besides Liam and Louis knowing, but Zayn knew and he asked Harry about it so casually like it wasn't a big deal. It made Harry feel like a normal person, like he wasn’t that different or weird at all for being able to conceive.

“Do you know how many weeks?” Zayn continued rolling a cigarette.

“Five to six, nearing seven? I’m not sure yet, have to see doctor in few weeks to find out exactly,” Harry answered.

“Cool,” Zayn said smiling, propping the cigarette behind his ear.

They talked a little more, Harry finding out that Zayn knew Louis since childhood, they always had each other’s back and when Louis moved to London he followed. Ever since then they always hang out at clubs together. He felt kind of relieved knowing with what people Louis spent his evenings with. He also found out that Zayn is seeing some model and Harry inwardly thanked Louis for not trying to set him up with his friends like Liam was obviously trying to do. 

“Alright mate, Ima go for a fag, see you in a little bit?” Zayn said standing slowly up.

“Yeah, sure,” Harry said smiling. He felt a little disappointed that he was left alone again, sighing as he looked around the room filled with unfamiliar faces. The couple besides him had moved onto trying to suck each other faces off and Harry rolled his eyes at them when they bumped into him.

Harry suddenly felt how tired he was from the long day outside and yawned as he stood up from the couch. He thought that maybe he could just sneak into his room and go to bed.

He made his way through the crowd carefully and breathed in relief once he reached the hallway. There were still a few people here, just talking among themselves, but it wasn’t as crowded as the living room.

“Oi! Stop right there,” Harry heard Louis shout, the sound coming from the kitchen.

Harry turned around to see Louis just in time to see a couple of guys helping him off the kitchen table. He watched Louis wiggle his way over to Harry, not even apologizing to people he bumped into.

“I could spot your curly head anywhere,” Louis giggled reaching out and tugging at Harry’s hair. Harry could tell he had a couple more drinks than last time he saw him. “Where do you think you are going?” he asked tilting his head on the side.

“I'm sorry for leaving your party, but I'm awfully tired Louis,” Harry said sighing. “It’s good to see you are having fun though,” he added smiling.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to apologize, I wouldn’t expect you to stay up until morning,” Louis smiled. “I'll walk you there?” he nodded at the bedroom door. It was just a few steps to walk and Harry really didn't see the point, but it wasn’t like he was going to complain. He was happy with every moment he could get with Louis.

“I wanted to thank you,” Louis spoke again once they stood right outside the bedrooms’ door.

“It wasn’t just my idea, Liam helped too,” Harry shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.

“No, not about the party,” Louis started. “I mean, it’s great I love it!” he rushed to add when Harry looked at him confusedly. “It’s today I'm thanking you for,” he smiled, “I couldn’t have had a better way to spend my birthday, I really enjoyed your company Harry,” Louis said licking his lips.

“It was my pleasure Louis, I enjoyed the day with you as well, so thanks to you too,” Harry said blushing a little.

Louis grinned and they stood in silence, no one of them moving.

“You got to be kidding me,” Louis breathed around a laugh, his eyes flickering to a spot above Harry's head.

“What?-“ Harry looked confusedly at Louis and followed his gaze. Mistletoe was hanging just above Harry’s head, hidden in the dark. “Oh...” he breathed suddenly feeling nervous. “We could just like ignore it? Liam will never know-“ Harry said nervously.

“You can’t cheat mistletoe, its bad luck,” Louis said stepping a little closer.

 Harry never heard about mistletoe's and bad luck, but somehow Louis sounded very convincing.

“I don’t want bad luck,” Harry whispered watching how Louis stepped closer and closer, until he was just inches from him.

He was quite a bit shorter than Harry so he had to bend his head down a little, his hands clutched by his sides.

Louis was so close; Harry could feel his breath on his own lips. He looked at Louis, the way his eyes flickered from Harry’s eyes to his lips and back again. It felt like everything was frozen when Louis leaned in and his soft, warm lips touched Harry’s.

Harry just stood there frozen letting Louis kiss him, but then something clicked in Harry’s head and he drew Louis closer having found control over his arms again. He parted his lips letting Louis in and gasped when he felt Louis' tongue sliding past his lips.

For that moment nothing else mattered. Harry always was so close to kissing Louis, to imagining how it would feel like, but this. This was nothing like he imagined. This was better, much sweeter, Louis tasted like sweets, and Harry thought he could taste the hot chocolate still lingering on his tongue.

They pulled apart both of them breathing heavily.

“I- good night Harry,” Louis said looking anywhere but at Harry.

“Good night Louis,” Harry responded and watched Louis walk away. “What just happened,” Harry asked the empty hallway in front of them, then opened the door and went inside.

He fell asleep still tasting Louis on his tongue and feeling his soft lips against Harry’s.

~

The next morning Harry woke up alone. Louis side of the bed was still untouched. He stretched and climbed out of the bed, wearing Liam’s sweats he wandered outside. He made his way through the hall, glitter sticking to his feet. There was no sign of Liam or Louis in the kitchen and Harry shook his head seeing the state of it. “Liam will be delighted,” he chuckled.

He turned around and made his way into the living room where he found Louis. He was sleeping wrapped up in the glitter birthday banner looking peaceful, his fringe falling over his eyes and lips slightly parted.

Harry remembered his inebriate state of last night and their kiss, and he could feel himself blush just from the memory. He wondered if Louis would remember it, if he would remember it as clearly as Harry.

Louis stirred in his sleep and Harry made his way to the kitchen for the glass of water and ibuprofen. When he returned Louis eyes were open fighting the light coming from the window. He handed Louis the water and pill and he accepted gratefully.

“Merry Christmas” Harry said sitting down by Louis feet.

“Very Merry,” Louis chuckled and winced pinching at his nose.

“It seems like I missed all the fun bits last night,” Harry smiled nodding at Louis birthday banner.

Louis looked at it confusedly. “Believe me or not I have no clue how I ended up with this,” he said handing Harry back the glass and laying down. “Oh God, I think I’ll be sick,” he breathed, “stupid Zayn and his shots,” he grimaced covering his eyes with his arm.

“I’ll let you rest,” Harry said standing. He felt a little weird thinking that Louis might not remember anything from last night, not even how he kissed Harry.

“Harry, wait,” Louis voice stopped him in the doorway. He turned to look at him. “About the- you know, the kiss?” Harry could see Louis cheeks redden. “I-I was really drunk and I’m sorry if that... If that made you feel uncomfortable,” he said looking sheepish.

His words hurt a little and Harry couldn’t hide it, because he thought that it meant something, that maybe Louis liked him? A little? It was hard to hear him apologizing for something he shouldn’t have. Harry for sure felt something when he kissed Louis, didn’t Louis feel something too?

“It’s nothing, it was just the mistletoe,” Harry forced a smile and walked away.

“Right, just the mistletoe,” Louis responded lowly, but Harry didn’t catch it, rushing out of the living room.

He entered the bedroom and as soon as he did tears fell down his cheeks. He felt stupid, so stupid that he let himself think that there was something between them.

“Who would even want a boyfriend with my kind of baggage?” Harry whispered in the stillness of the room. He wiped at his eyes harshly and proceeded to have a shower.

Later when Harry emerged from the room again, freshly showered and after napping for a bit longer, he found Liam in the kitchen cleaning the mess.

“Morning sweetheart,” Liam greeted him sticking a pile of banners into a black garbage bag.

“Mornin’,” Harry smiled. “You need any help with that?”

“Nah, I’m almost done, I hope I didn’t wake you,” Liam asked tying the bag.

“No, no I’ve been up for quite a while now, just had a nap,” Harry said sitting down.

“I think the party was a success, I didn’t even see you when you left for bed,” Liam said wiping at his forehead.

“Yeah, it was fun,” Harry smiled.

“Listen, I hope you are not mad at me for trying to set you up with those guys, I feel so stupid now,” Liam said shaking his head. “You just got out of a horrible relationship and I tried to push you in another, I’m sorry,” he continued.

Harry was thankful that Liam could admit his mistake and apologize. “It’s alright Li, I forgive you,” Harry said. “I actually quite liked Nick, but I couldn’t see him as anything but a friend,” Harry admitted, “and I also met Louis friend... Zayn?”

“Really?” Liam asked surprised.

“Yeah, I had a chat with him, he’s a nice guy, Louis is lucky to have a friend like him,” Harry grinned remembering how easy and relaxed he'd felt in Zayn’s presence. There was this calmness about him that made Harry feel at ease.

“I cannot believe it,” Liam shook his head.

“What’s so unbelievable?” Harry wondered.

“Zayn is like Louis’ closest friend, he knows him longer than I do, if not since they were kids and Louis doesn't just introduce him to everyone he knows,” Liam explained.

“Why? What’s so special about him? He seemed okay to me,” Harry said.

“It took Louis and our friendship half a year before I got to meet him, he always talked about him, hung out in Louis room, but I never had a chance to meet him. It was like he was keeping him away from me until he was sure or something,” Liam said lowering his voice.

“Oh,” Harry thought. He knew Louis just for a week and Louis already introduced them, which made Harry think why and suddenly he remembered that Louis had talked to Zayn about Harry. Maybe he wouldn’t have introduced them if he wasn’t drunk, but then again he was the one calling for Zayn.

“So yeah, you must be special,” Liam said wiggling his eyebrows and the words “to Louis” were left unspoken.

Harry thought about it, about their kiss last night and his words this morning. It just didn’t make any sense, something didn’t add up.

He sighed giving up on the thought altogether and stood up deciding to have a cup of tea.

“Oh, I wanted to ask you, I saw that your gift is still in my closet. You didn’t have a chance to give it to him?” Liam questioned.

Harry froze remembering, there were so many things going on last night that he hadn’t even had a chance or any time to think about it.

“I forgot, oh my God,” Harry exclaimed and rushed to Liam’s room making his way over to the closet and retrieving the gift. He hesitated for a moment thinking that maybe his gift wasn’t such a good idea; after all he bought it rather impulsive. He shook his head taking a deep breath and exit the room muttering it was now or never. He slowly made his way to the living room. The TV was on, replaying some footie match and Louis was sitting on the sofa wrapped up in a blanket.

Louis seemed to sense Harry's presence or at least that he wasn’t alone anymore and he turned to look at him.

“Hey,” he said burying his nose under the blanket.

“Hi,” Harry responded standing awkwardly in the doorway, Louis' gift in his hands.

“What’s that?” Louis asked nodding at the box.

“It’s actually for you,” Harry said smiling a little.

“Me?” Louis wondered, sitting up straighter and patting the sofa next to him.

“Yeah, I forgot to give it to you yesterday,” Harry explained walking towards sofa and sitting down. “Happy Birthday Louis,” he added handing it to him.

“Thanks, Harry,” Louis said, shaking it a little, making Harry chuckle.

“You can open it if you want,” Harry assured, “it’s not like it's a Christmas present.”

“Okay, let’s see,” Louis placed the box in his lap and started to carefully rip the corners open. After each corner he looked at Harry and smiled mischievously and it made Harry almost burst with happiness.

He watched Louis carefully, the way his fringe fell over his eyes and his lashes seemed to lengthen when he looked down at his hands. His small hands made quick work of ripping the gift paper carefully off the black box that held the actual gift.

Louis lifted the box and placed it on top of the wrapping paper. He lift the top off the box and unfolded the white paper that was covering the fabric.

Harry could see his eyes widen in surprise. Louis reached out and carefully touched the sparkly fabric. He looked at Harry in amazement and then back at his gift.

Harry watched him taking it by the corners and lifting it in front of him.

“Where-“ Louis started, “Harry I love it, thank you,” he said surging forward and hugging Harry, the jacket of the sparkly suit Harry got him in between them.

Harry grinned into Louis shoulder relieved that he liked his gift after all.

“Where did you find it? It’s beautiful,” Louis asked pulling back from the hug and caressing the fabric.

“I just-“ Harry breathed, “it kind of found me,” he added grinning.

“I can’t wait to wear it, it’s perfect!” Louis exclaimed, grin still present on his face.

“I’m glad you like it,” Harry smiled and watched Louis in awe.

They sat in silence, the only sound coming from the footie game. Louis seemed more interested in his new sparkly suit than the TV. He kept touching the black fabric with little sparkles like stars scattered on it. He looked a lot like a kid on Christmas morning receiving his favourite toy. Harry couldn’t stop the warm feeling in his chest seeing Louis this happy loving his gift.

~

Later that day Harry entered the kitchen to find Liam there, his laptop in front of him.

“Hi,” Harry greeted, “just the man I was looking for.”

“Hey, what’s up?” Liam questioned.

“I need to see the doctor on Monday, about the pregnancy thing? So, I was wondering if you could come with me.” Harry said, his eyes darting nervously around the kitchen. “And I don’t know London that well either,” he added.

“I’d love that Harry,” Liam started, “and I’m sorry, but I have work on Monday, maybe Louis can? Have you asked him?” he questioned apologetically.

“N-no, I haven’t, didn’t want to bother him,” he smiled weakly, “doesn’t he work too?” Harry questioned.

“It’s some part time thing, I’m sure he can get the time off to go with you,” Liam smiled. “Do you want me to ask him?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll... I’ll ask him,” Harry answered and giving Liam one last smile he went to look for Louis.

As usual he was where Harry left him, in the living room watching footie.

Harry felt a little nervous, it wasn’t like he and Louis were strangers. They'd spent quite some time together and had enjoyed that. They even kissed actually, not that that’s any conformation to being friends, but still, he found himself feeling more nervous than when he asked Liam. He wiped his sweaty hands against his jeans and cautiously made his way around the sofa, slowly sitting down.

He breathed feeling his heart pick up speed. He glanced at Louis, the way his face changed into disappointment when the player missed the goal.

Harry felt nauseous and it wasn’t even like he was asking Louis on a date or something. He just needed somebody to accompany him to the doctor and show the way there. Still, Harry was a little afraid of rejection, of Louis rejecting him.

Harry felt someone’s toes poke at his tigh and he turned to see Louis looking at him.

“Are you feeling okay? You look a bit pale Harry,” Louis questioned, concern written on his face.

“I’m... okay,” Harry gulped, “I-I just... I wanted to ask you something?” Harry said glancing at Louis.

“Yes? Go ahead, ask,” Louis responded assuring.

“Do you think you can, like show me how I can get to the doctors?” Harry questioned looking anywhere, but at Louis.

“What do you mean show? Do you want me to come with you?” Louis asked.

“Yes, if-if you don’t mind, but like, if you need to work I can just take a taxi or just show me how I can get there on a map or something. I mean you didn't have to come if you don’t want-“ Harry rambled until Louis poked him in the thigh again.

“Harry,” Louis started, “I’ll come with you, relax,” he smiled amused.

Harry visibly breathed. “Sorry, I just didn’t want to pressure you into anything and then I get nervous. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

“I told you its fine, I’d love to accompany you,” Louis assured.

“Okay, I have my appointment on Monday 1.30 pm, I have contacted my doctor and he arranged me a visit here, so I don’t have to travel back,” Harry explained. After his talk with the doctor he was nervous, because he had an appointment at the actual gynecologist and it scared him, what if he’s the only one? What if they lock him in a cage and do all sorts of experiments on him? That scared him the most, he didn’t want to feel weird or be a freak like Jason called him.

Louis interrupted his thought by speaking again, “Monday is fine, I work in the morning, but I’ll be back by the time you need to be there.”

“Okay, yeah okay,” Harry said nervously, but was glad that Louis was going with him.

~

Monday came faster than Harry anticipated. It felt like he went to sleep one day and woke up three days later.

He woke up alone, no sight of Louis' sleeping body or his warmth pressing onto Harry’s side. He then remembered that he was talking about some work before he could take Harry to see the doctor.

He got out of bed and went through his morning routine without a rush. Once he was done he made himself breakfast. The flat seemed oddly quiet without Liam and Louis around.

Harry jumped from the sound of the phone ringing. It wasn’t his mobile, but the home phone. Harry never saw Liam or Louis use it, only when they ordered pizzas. He contemplated whether or not he should pick it up; after all he wasn’t the one living here. Then again Harry thought maybe it was something important, what if it was Louis? What if he was calling to say he would be late? Or that he couldn't make it after all. They hadn’t exchanged their mobile numbers.

The phone kept ringing and Harry picked it up deciding that he should, just in case.

“Hello?” Harry said into speaker. He listened for an answer, but nobody was talking back. He took phone away from his ear and frowned at it. “Is this even working...” he asked himself and put it to his ear again.

“Hello? Anyone there?” He asked again. He heard shuffling at the other end and then the line went dead.

“Strange,” Harry thought and placed the phone back to proceed with his breakfast.

Harry was lounging on the couch watching some soap opera when Louis arrived just before twelve.

“Hi,” he called out on his way to his bedroom, “give me a second.”

Harry used that time switching off the TV and standing from the sofa.

“You okay?” He asked once Louis has returned.

“Yeah, just had to change sweaters before we go, had an accident,” Louis laughed zipping up his jacket.

“Okay,” Harry smiled, already wearing his coat and boots. “I’m ready,” he announced once he's taken all the papers he needs.

“After you,” Louis said holding the door open for Harry.

Harry blushed a little and they made their way down the steps.

Harry didn’t even realise that Louis had a car, but apparently, he owned a small dark grey Toyota. It wasn't anything special and it had quite a few bumps and scratches, but it did the job of taking Louis where he needed to be.

While driving down the street Harry had become familiar with he wondered their shopping trip on Christmas Eve, how they walked around London all day and never once Louis mentioned that maybe they should have taken the car.

But it was nice and warm inside and Harry enjoyed watching the city through the window. It has become a little windy too and Harry smiles happily that they are shielded from it.

“Oh, in the morning something weird happened,” Harry suddenly recalled the phone call.

“What?” Louis asked, his eyes on the road.

“The home phone rang and when I picked it up nobody was speaking,” Harry explained frowning.

“Oh, that’s not the first time, just ignore it,” Louis said, glancing in the rear mirror and turning left.

Harry nodded in thought. "Haven't you tried to find out who is it who's been calling?" he asked, because that seemed the right thing to do. If someone trolled Harry like this more than once he would.

"Nah," Louis responded and they stopped at a red light. "We don't really care," he continued. Harry noticed his hands gripping the wheel tighter. "Anyway it's a waste of time and it doesn't happen that often, maybe it's just someone who dials the wrong number, that happens," he concluded turning to smile at Harry, but it didn't quite reach his beautiful eyes.

Harry decided on nodding confirming and leaving it at that.

Soon enough they reached the hospital. Once they've found a parking spot and made their way inside, they were greeted by a blonde nurse at registration that reminded Harry of the one at home.

“Hello, how can I help you?” Stacy, that’s what her name badge read, said smiling at both of them.

“Erm, I’m here to see Doctor Hall?” Harry answered lowly, but the nurse didn’t quite catch it, so she leaned in asking him to repeat it.

Harry cleared his throat awkwardly and took a breath to repeat, but Louis beat him to it.

“Here to see Doctor Hall,” he smiled at the nurse and Harry suddenly felt Louis fingers pressing into his hip assuring.

“Oh, yes, she is straight down the corridor, the waiting room is on the left,” Stacy said making notes on her pad.

“Okay, thank you,” Louis answered and guided Harry down the hall.

“Are you alright?” Louis asked concerned once they are out of hearing distance.

“Ye-yeah, just a little nervous, is all,” Harry said, but in his head he was actually freaking out, the thoughts about him being the only one running through his mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about doctors poking needles in him, using him as some experimental monkey.

They reached the waiting room and Harry’s stomach dropped instantly. There were about five women who were visibly pregnant, some alone and some with their partners, and all of them looked at Harry.

He directed his eyes somewhere else, but he could practically feel their eyes on him and it made him feel dizzy.

Louis sat him down by the door and squeezed his knee.

“Do you want some water, love?” Louis whispered leaning closer. He squeezed Harry’s knee once again when he didn’t answer. “Hey, look at me Hazza,” Louis whispered again.

Harry could feel his dainty fingers brushing away a stray curl from his cheek. He closed his eyes and nodded slightly.

It seemed like Louis got water out of nowhere, because the next moment he was handing him the plastic cup.

“Here you go.”

“Thank you,” Harry said after gulping all of it down in one go. He dared to look around for a second and caught two of the women whispering, one of them noticed Harry looking and smiled at him awkwardly.

“I want to go,” he blurted to Louis. Harry couldn’t stop his thoughts wondering if they mightn't been whispering about him, if they called him a freak as well.

“What?” Louis questioned surprised. He turned slightly to face Harry and took his hand in his. “Do you want to tell me how you really feel?” Louis whispered again.

“I don’t feel like-“ Harry started just as the door swings open.

“Don’t touch me, don’t you dare to touch me now Mark!” a blonde guy exclaimed entering the room. “Go get us some food, we are hungry,” he continued and spun around to face the other guy. Mark, as the blonde called him, was a little taller than the blonde and a lot skinnier.

“Sure, babe. Be right back,” he said and disappeared through the door.

Harry watched them in awe, especially the blond one. He had a dirty white t-shirt on and sweatpants, but it was impossible not to notice his rather big belly.

Blonde guy plopped down on the chair next to Harry and reached out to grab a magazine about pregnancy.

“Oh God, this is some right shit, old magazines everywhere,” he exclaimed loudly, and it was frankly rather annoying, but Harry can’t seem to take his eyes off his belly.

“You know you could possibly burn a hole in my belly with that stare?” the guy suddenly said and Harry’s eyes focused on his face instead.

“S-Sorry I didn’t mean to be rude” Harry stuttered feeling his cheeks burn.

“Don’t be mate, it’s nothing new,” he laughed. “By the way, I’m Niall,” he reached his hand out.

“Hi, I’m Harry,” he shook his hand smiling.

“Louis,” Louis shook the guy's hand after him.

“So, is it your first?” Niall asked rubbing his belly.

“Y-yeah,” Harry breathed.

“Congratulations to both of you, it’s a pretty amazing experience,” Niall smiled.

“No, its not- he’s not- he’s just accompanying me,” Harry practically fell out of his chair explaining.

“Moral support,” Louis smiled at Niall and he grinned looking very unconvinced at both of them.

“Okay...” he said, still grinning.

“But thank you,” Harry added smiling back.

“How far along are ya?” Niall asked. He looked at his watch and sighed.

“I’m not sure yet, that’s why I’m here, to find out. Maybe 6 or 7 weeks,” he replied.

He was starting to feel a lot better, thoughts about being a freak disappearing. He admired Niall for being so confident about being pregnant and he didn’t seem to care if those ladies looked at him or not. Harry wished that he could be like Niall.

“Oh, so all the fun buts still ahead of you,” Niall laughed, “I’m in my third trimester, 37 weeks and my body is literally killing me,” he sighed with a smile and looked down at his belly, placing a hand over it in a protective manner. “But I don’t regret it one bit, she is our third.”

Harry smiled and his eyes glassed over watching Niall, Louis squeezed his knee and Harry looked at him. He smiled proudly at Harry and there was something in Louis' eyes Harry couldn’t quite understand.

Niall sniffled and laughed. “I’m sorry I’m being emotional again and talking about this little angel doesn’t help one bit,” he added proudly.

“You say it’s your third?” Louis asked returning on the subject.

“Yeah, our first girl. We have two beautiful boys, Theo, who is five and Connor, who is seven and they are really excited to have sister,” Niall smiled, he reached finto his pocket and pulled out his phone.

“There they are,” Niall turned his phone at Harry and Louis showing the picture of two very wide grinning kids by the Christmas tree. Both of them had brown hair, the smaller one just a tone lighter and he was missing two front teeth.

Harry smiled at the picture and his heart warmed. Niall’s picture made him want to have that too and he couldn't wait till he got to photograph his own baby.

“They are beautiful,” Louis said, still rubbing small circles on Harry’s thigh.

“So beautiful, you must be a proud dad,” Harry confirmed.

“Yeah, most of the time they are little menaces and they drive me mad at all times, but they are our little angels,” Niall grinned looking at his picture longingly before putting it away.

“Parker?” a nurse stepped through the door and called. Some lady stood up, her belly notably smaller than Niall's. He seemed to be the only one that far along in the waiting room.

“So yeah, all the fun bits await you Harry. My body is so sore and oh, my nipples and ankles,” Niall breathed stretching his legs. “I won’t even mention how horny I get in the middle of the day.”

Harry watched him in shock and awe, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“How is it? Does it feel weird?” Harry dared to ask, finding himself wondering if maybe Niall felt the same way.

“Well, it was shocking when I found out I was pregnant, but when I told Mark he was over the moon, so happy that we could have our own babies,” Niall said dreamily, grin plastered across his face.

“That’s so nice,” Harry could only feel a little jealousy bite at his bones. He wished that Jason could have been that accepting as Mark.

“Is the baby daddy happy for you?” Niall asked in a teasing tone bumping Harry’s shoulder.

“N-Not really,” Harry sighed, he figured he might as well tell the truth.

“Oh. I’m sorry ‘bout that,” Niall said, his smile dropping. “But hey, you’ve got some supportive friends I see and that’s really what matters,” he continued sparing a look at Louis.

That did make Harry feel better and all this time until now he didn’t realise how big of a parts Liam and Louis had become of his life. He probably would have turned around and went back to Liam’s flat if not for Louis. He had been here ever since and assuring him that it was okay, he was there and he always asked how Harry felt.

He also never has looked at Harry differently. There were never any strange looks from Louis. Harry is reminded of Louis birthday, even then when he was drunk he didn’t judge Harry, he even introduced him to people he has talked about Harry to. It reminds him of how casual Zayn was. How he just asked Harry about his pregnancy without making it awkward.

Harry just smiled and nodded at that. He turned his head to look at Louis and founds him looking back as well. “Yeah, I got lucky,” he said, a warm feeling in his chest.

“Horan?” the same nurse comes through the door and says.

“Well, that’s my cue,” Niall said slowly standing up, “was nice to meet you both, finally some proper lads instead of these ladies and just me,” he added laughing and Harry saw a couple of them rolling eyes.

“Was nice meeting you too,” Harry smiled, “good luck.”

“Hope it’s not the last time we see you mate,” Louis said smiling as well.

“I hope not, you should come over some time,” Niall said, “just a sec,” he added and approaches the nurse, “can I borrow your pen?” He asked already reaching for it, “thanks.” The nurse rolled her eyes, but still smiled and crossed her arms exasperatedly.

“Here, my number, text me and I’ll send you guys the address,” Niall handed them a paper and Louis took it.

“Thanks mate, sure we will,” Louis said and Harry nodded agreeing.

Niall smiled at them and disappeared following the nurse, happily chatting with her.

“I like him,” Louis said as soon as the doors closed.

“Yeah, he is nice,” Harry agreed.

“Do you feel better?” Louis asked lightly bumping their shoulders.

“I kind of do,” Harry sighed looking at Louis. “It’s better to know I’m not alone in all this,” he continued nodding at his stomach.

“You were never alone Harry,” Louis added covering Harry’s hand with his.

“Not like that, I mean-“

“I know what you mean, I’m just saying,” Louis assured and smiled warmly at Harry.

Harry got that fluttering feeling again. He got it every time Louis said something like that or touched him ever so lightly that it mad Harry want to kiss him. It’s been just four days ever since, but Harry already missed Louis soft lips on his.

He cleared his throat, feeling hot for staring at Louis lips and slumped deeper in his seat.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Louis asked after a moment.

“I don’t know. I mean if you want?” Harry answered.

“Will you forgive me if I won’t?” Louis questioned taking Harry by surprise. “I feel like that’s something personal and I would feel a bit awkward,” he added carefully.

“Y-Yeah, it’s okay, I mean it’s totally fine if you don’t want to, they will probably ask a bunch of questions,” Harry assured, but still felt a little sad. “It’s fine, totally.”

“Okay,” Louis said lowly fiddling with the hem of his jacket.

They sat in the silence after that, both of them fighting a battle in their heads.

They greeted Niall when he walked out the door just as happy and smiling as he walked in.

The nurse called another lady and Harry started to feel like he will be left last one. Just as he thought the nurse would call somebody else he heard his name “Styles?”

“Yes,” Harry answered stopping his hand half way from waving.

“I’ll see you back here,” Louis assured him, placing his hand on his lower back.

Harry nodded and nervously made his way to the nurse.

The room Harry was brought in looked just as the one he visited those weeks ago. Growing pictures of a baby bump on the wall and a bed with what seemed to be a machine for ultrasound.

“Hello Harry, Doctor Phillips already told me that you would visit,” Doctor Hall greeted approaching Harry.

She looked much younger than Doctor Phillips, could be in her late 30’s, with dark hair in the bun and kind, dark eyes. Somehow she reminded Harry of Liam.

“Hi,” Harry greeted back squeezing her warm hand. She made him feel less nervous.

“Please, take a seat,” she gestured at the chair next to the bed and herself grabbed the pad off the table sat on another chair opposite the table.

“Okay, so I’m going to explain you what we are doing today,” she started looking at Harry.

“Okay,” Harry responded.

“Firstly I’ll ask you some questions about your family’s medical history and some personal questions as well. Then we will take blood and urine tests to check your and your baby’s health and lastly we will do an ultrasound to see how far along you are and when your due date is,” she said writing something on her pad.

“Okay,” Harry nodded, “Oh, here,” he remembered the medical records in his pocket and handed them to Doctor Hall.

“Thank you, this will be very helpful,” she smiled skipping them over. “Okay, do you have any medical and or psychosocial problems?”

“I have problems with my back? If that counts?” Harry said in thought. “I had an accident with my lower back, but its fine now; everything is in my medical records.”

“Okay,” Doctor Hall said making a note. She stood up and approaches what looked like a height measure. “Stand here please, I’ll record your height and weight, but before we do that I'll let you change into this hospital gown for me.”

Harry stood up nodding and took the gown from her.

“I’ll give you some privacy for that,” she added and left the cabinet.

Harry stood for a minute looking at the gown in his hands. It felt very stiff in his fingers, almost like a paper. He tried to be as quick as he could into changing, but as soon as his bare skin hit the cool air his body was covered in tiny goose bumps. He contemplated if he should take off his underwear as well, but left it on just in case. The thin fabric of hospital gown didn’t help in any way for him to keep warmer and Harry crossed his arms around himself.

“Can I come in?” The doctor asked opening the door just slightly.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Harry answered.

“Alright, step on here, please,” she gestured at the raised platform.

Harry did as he’s told stepping on the cold platform. His toes curled while the doctor took his measurements. It felt unrealistic for him being here and going through all of this. The doctor measured his height after that and wrote it down as well, after that he was allowed to sit back in the chair and she took Harry’s blood pressure. According to her face expressions everything seemed fine for Harry.

After that she asked another bunch of questions about his and his family’s medical history. He was also asked if he had any previous pregnancies to which Harry internally rolled his eyes, but answered with a no.

When they had gone through all the questions she took a blood sample informing Harry about the different laboratory tests they would do to make sure he is healthy and nothing is harming his baby.

She mentioned the pap smear which didn’t make any sense to Harry until she put away her pad from writing things down and asked Harry to lie on the bed and spread his legs.

Harry was confused at first, but the doctor explained to him that it’s necessary to make sure he doesn’t have any signs of cancer or other abnormalities.

Harry just stood there for a moment contemplating what to do. He sat on the bed remembering that he still had his briefs on. He smiled awkwardly at Doctor Hall and took a deep breath. He used the moment to slip out of his briefs when she went over to one of the cupboards to take something. He lied down on the bed, his legs still down.

She sat at the end and nudged his legs and the moment Harry lifted and spread them he felt his cheeks burning. He sighed in relief that Louis didn’t want to accompany him.

He fetl her latex gloved hands spreading his ass cheeks and how she prodded at his hole with something, he could feel it breaking through the resistance and he cringed at that. When he thought she was done, she squeezes his balls, making him gasp. He could feel her inspecting him and he had to sigh in relief once again that he was gay, this situation would have been more than awkward if not.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when she announced they were done and quickly sat up.

“Okay, don’t rush to stand we will do the trans anal ultrasound, just let me put these away,” she said standing and putting away her pads. Harry froze, hoping he misheard.

“Lay down for me, please and lift the gown,” she smiled at Harry and he did what he’s being told. “We will try to see the baby this way and see how old it is, we can’t do any ultrasound through your abdomen because it’s too small still. Okay. It’s going to feel cold, but that's just the gel,” she said before grabbing the tube of gel and squeezing it on some kind of stick. It reminded Harry of a large tooth brush.

Harry felt one of hers gloved hands parting his cheeks and then something cold nudged at his entrance. The feeling was very weird, Harry could feel it pushing past the muscle and he winced, it did hurt without any prep, but he breathed slowly to relax the muscles and make it less painfully. After it has gotten past his muscle he didn’t feel how deep it went, it was just the constant pressure until the doctor moved it around and accidentally rubbed across his prostate, Harry gasped and fixed his eyes on the black screen hoping she wouldn’t do it again.

The doctor turned on the screen of some little TV and all Harry could see for a moment was just a black picture with little white grainy spots and what seemed to be the stick sliding inside of him. For a moment there was nothing. Then Doctor Hall rolled the device to the side of his lower belly and Harry’s eyes widen.

“Here we are,” she smiled slowly moving the device.

Harry watched the screen attentively. In the middle of the grainy white screen was a black spot and in it he could see something bean-shaped.

“The black all around is the amniotic fluid, it’s like a bag full of water to protect your baby,” the doctor explained pointing at the screen, “and this little spot here is your baby Harry.”

Harry just watched the screen in amazement. Only now seeing his baby for the first time it hit him that he was going to bring another life in this world. He was going to be a father to something so small and it was his responsibility to keep it safe.

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” She asked and Harry didn't even realise he was nodding. He was hypnotized by the picture he saw on the screen.

She leaned over to the machine and suddenly the room was full with the sound of fast thuds. like a pulse after running, so fast, yet constant. Harry couldn’t help the overwhelming feeling he got from that sound and his eyes glassed over with tears. That mightn't been the most beautiful sound he had ever heard and he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that it's that little white bean on the screen was producing it, fighting for its life, growing inside of Harry to carry and take care of.

“Let’s see how far along you are,” the doctor said and she did something on the screen that made a little blue “x” show up. She placed it at one end of the bean and when she dragged it down it formed a line with another “x” at the end.

“The embryo is 18 mm long,” the doctor said and wrote it down in his file, “that means you are 8 weeks pregnant Harry” she smiled concluding.

“8 weeks?” Harry asked a little shocked.

“Yes, okay now I’m going to pull out the device,” she added placing her file on another chair. Harry winced when she moved it again and felt relieved when he saw her wiping the device.

He lowered his legs feeling the leftover gel sliding down his inner thighs and cringes.

“Do you have any questions Harry? I would understand if you do,” she smiled.

“Y-yes actually, how do I... How I will give the birth?” Harry asked swallowing.

“Well, the process is pretty much the same as for women, just that you can’t give a birth through your anal opening, so you'll have a C-section once labor has begun. I'll allow us to surgically remove the baby from your stomach through a small scar.  Of course you still will feel pain from the contractions, but there is no other way how you can give a birth,” she explained and the thought of having his baby surgically removed scared him.

Hospital and surgeries always have scared him and now the thought of having one performed on him while he is wide awake scared him even more. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to feel anything, but still it was mind blowing to think about it.

“Anything else Harry?” She asked him when he went silent.

“I’m not sure, like I don’t know what to ask? Because, like, I don’t think I know everything I just don’t know what kind of questions I should ask. If that makes sense,” Harry responded thoughtfully.

“Alright, I’ll explain to you the most frequently asked questions, okay?” She asked and Harry nodded. That seemed like a good idea. “So if you have any other questions you can call me or my assistant nurse and we can answer to your questions, if it’s nothing too serious call my nurse, if you experience bleeding or cramps call me immediately and get somebody to get you to hospital, try avoid walking long distances,” she explains and Harry carefully listens to every word. “Regarding sex and exercise. Sexual activities is not going to harm the baby in any way so you can do that as much as you want,” the doctor smiles, “with exercising it's a little different, try to avoid sports that can make you lose balance, like skiing, cycling or horseback riding and also later in the pregnancy it’s advisable not to sleep flat on your back as it might cause some distress for the baby and you might feel sick from it. Okay, that was all I can think of from the top of my head,” she concluded, “and your next, prenatal visit with me will be when you are 16 weeks, if everything goes smoothly, then we might be able to find out the gender of your baby.”

Harry got a little dizzy from all of the information thrown his way, but he caught every single word the doctor said and he got a little excited with the mention of the baby’s gender. He didn't have any names in mind yet, didn't really know where to start, but he did feel excited tot start planning and dreaming of his future with the baby.

“Now we will discuss your eating habits, pets and how to prevent miscarriage,” she started yet again, placing the pad on her knees.

Harry nodded and listened to every word she says. He soaked up the information and tried to find out what was most important. He found it easier to remember what he could eat than not. She explained everything in so much detail that it made Harry’s head spin. He felt like he was going to forget things as soon as he stepped through the door.

As much as he’d have liked to concentrate on her talking, he knew he would have to invest in some kind of pregnancy book or borrow Liam's laptop to refresh his mind.

“Harry?” Doctor Hall asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.

“Yes?” He questioned blinking rapidly.

“Do you have any questions?”

“N-no? Sorry it’s so much information,” Harry stuttered playing with the hem of hospital gown.

“Don’t worry, I understand. Just remember that if you have any questions or you feel like something is wrong, do not hesitate to call, okay?” She said and Harry could breathe a little easier. He thought he would have to listen through it all again.

“Okay, thank you,” was all Harry could manage.

“That’s all for today Harry,” she says and stands up from the chair, “I’ll see you in two months, on the twenty-second of February, and then we will do the ultrasound to determine your baby’s gender,” she smiled handing Harry couple of papers with all the information of today and when is his next visit.

“Thank you Doctor Hall,” Harry said upon accepting.

“I’ll leave you now, see you soon Harry,” she said and left the room.

Harry just sat there for a moment, papers in his lap. He skipped over the first page catching some notes here and there. He brought out the second paper and found a picture of his ultrasound. The picture of his baby, his little bean-like dot that he was lucky enough to be able to have.

He smiled softly brushing his fingers over the spot that represents his baby. “I love you, my little bean,” he said holding back tears. He felt like any moment he could burst from the feeling inside of him. He felt it building and building, his love getting bigger and his heart growing with it.

He wiped at his eyes and carefully slips off the bed; he placed the papers carefully on the chair and made quick work of changing out of the gown and into his own clothes.

When he was done he exit the room wondering if Louis would still be there or he if he'd have wandered away.

Harry spotted him as soon as he opened the door. He was still in the same chair he was in when Harry left, reading a pregnancy magazine. He looked up at Harry as soon as he heard the door open, a grin pulling at his mouth.

“Hi, everything alright?” He questioned placing the magazine on the table and standing up.

“Yeah,” Harry grinned back just as widely, “let’s go?” he continued feeling flutters in his belly.

Louis nodded and opened the door for Harry following him out.

They made their way back to the car in silence, but as soon as Harry and Louis got in Harry can’t stop himself.

“I saw it,” he almost whispered looking at Louis.

“The baby?” Louis asked turning slightly in his chair.

Harry nodded and took the picture out of the folder, handing it to Louis. “That’s my bean,” he said and the warm feeling he felt in the room was back as soon as he sees the picture again.

“Bean?” Louis questioned smiling, taking the picture from Harry.

“Yeah, my bean, he, she, kind of resembles a bean and I don’t know the gender yet so yeah, my bean,” Harry explained feeling proud.

“Your bean is beautiful,” Louis said looking at the picture and brushing his fingers over it just like Harry did.

His words made Harry grin wider and his fluttering more constant, he loved his baby and Louis made him feel even more love.

Louis handed Harry back the picture and started the car with the smile still on his face.

~

The next few days until New Year’s Eve felt like a dream to Harry. He spent them concentrating on the book he bought about pregnancy, which comes in handy and he followed every word Doctor Hall said about his meals. He didn’t have to change or adjust much because even before getting pregnant he was keen on vegetables and fruits.

When Harry and Louis arrived to the flat Liam was already home. Harry proudly showed him the picture of his baby and Liam nearly started crying with joy. They also told Liam about Niall, whom they met at the hospital and sort of, became friends with right away. Liam was on board with them when they mentioned that Niall had invited them over whenever they can, agreeing that it would be nice for Harry to know someone who's the same as he is.

It was New Year’s Eve when all three of them sat at the table, eating dinner and the home phone rang. Harry was closest to the hallway so he stood up to take the call.

“Hello?” Harry answered the phone, Louis and Liam quietly chatting in the background, “Hello?” Harry repeated when nobody answered.

He was about to end the call when he heard shuffling at the other end, “-s –is –uis?” somebody said and Harry didn’t quite catch it.

“Sorry I can’t hear you, can you repeat?” Harry asked listening carefully.

“Is this Louis?” a little voice came through.

“No, I’m his friend Harry; do you want me to get him?” Harry asked.

“Please,” the girl said and Harry could hear someone angrily shouting in the background.

Harry rushed to the kitchen where Liam and Louis were still eating and chatting away.

“Louis? It’s for you,” Harry said handing Louis the phone.

“Me?” he asked a little shocked, but took the phone anyway. “Hello?” he responded into phone standing up.

Harry watched him intently wondering who that little girl on the phone was.

“I’m sorry I think you have called the wrong number,” Louis responded into the phone.

Harry watched him with frown not really understanding the situation. Somebody just asked for him and he says its wrong call? Harry looked at Liam for any answer, but the guy seemed to enjoy his dinner rather than listen what was happening around him.

Louis handed Harry the phone, a little hint of unease written on his face and he couldn’t quite look at Harry too.

Harry left both of them in the kitchen as he walked back to put the phone back. It was so strange and all this what Harry just experienced didn’t add up.

He suddenly remembered about that same call week ago, when nobody was talking and Louis mentioned that it happened from time to time, when somebody would call and they would shrug it off as someone calling the wrong number. What if it was the same number? What if it was the same little girl? It made Harry think and maybe he shouldn’t invest his time into things that are not his business, but he couldn’t help it.

He wanted to know who the little girl was. Was she a sibling or his daughter? He may be gay, from what Harry has learnt, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have children, right?

He placed the phone back and made his way back to the kitchen where he found just Liam.

Harry had to hold back his curiousness because Liam didn’t seem bothered about the call at all. What if Liam didn’t know? Harry wondered taking his seat at the table.

“Any plans for tonight?” Liam asked.

“No, think I’m just going to watch a movie or something, don’t feel like doing anything. You?” Harry sighed.

“Yeah, same. Want to watch something together?” Liam asked.

“Sure, what about Louis?” Harry questioned hearing the hair dryer in the distance.

“Think he’s going out tonight,” Liam answered nodding in Louis direction.

Harry’s mood fell a little, he thought Louis would stay at the flat too because all day he hadn’t mentioned that he was going out and now when Liam told him, he was taken by surprise.

Harry couldn't help wondering if the call would be the reason Louis was going out, if he was going out to let himself forget about his old life, about that little girl on the phone.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Louis' voice.

“Have a good evening guys. Happy New Year!” he said a little too cheerfully, not even once meeting Harry’s eyes.

“You too Louis, come back in one piece, yeah?” Liam teased.

“See you,” is all Harry could manage to say and then Louis was gone.

They both sat listening into silence, if Harry concentrated he could still hear Louis walking down the steps, one moment and he was gone for the rest of the night.

“So, any ideas with which movie we should start?” Liam asked.

“Have you seen Love Actually?” Harry asked smiling a little and with that he promised himself not to think too much about Louis and the little girl, but just enjoy his evening with Liam.

~

Harry couldn’t sleep. He’d been awake ever since he bid Liam good night after watching about five movies with him.

He had this uneasy feeling in his chest and one moment he felt like throwing up or calling the nurse, worried that it had to do something with the baby.

He heard somebody close the front door and he was reminded that Louis hadn't come back yet. He listened how his steps echo in the otherwise quiet flat.

Louis entered his room, freezing in the doorway for a minute, listening for something, maybe Harry? The he continued his way to the bathroom and Harry squinted at the sudden light.

Harry couldn’t help but listen how he peed and then ran the water in the sink, brushed his teeth and after a moment stepped into the room. Harry couldn’t hear his steps anymore, just a little thump sounded when his socked feet hit the floor boards.

Harry could see his white t-shirt in the dark heading for the door, but then he stopped, surprising Harry and approached the other side of the bed. He slipped under the covers and Harry could feel the cold radiating off of his body. He instantly shivered and his skin got covered in goose bumps. He hear Louis taking a deep breath and then sighing.

“Can’t sleep?” Louis spoke into the dark room.

Harry froze and only after a moment realised he’d been holding his breath. “No,” he whispered, his eyes locked on something he can’t see.

“How was your movie night?” he questioned and Harry felt him turning on the side, facing him.

“Was alright, we watched five movies, he drank champagne, I ate chocolate,” Harry chuckled, “how was yours?” he added turning just his head into Louis' direction.

“’t was good, me and Zayn... always good,” he answered, his voice on the verge of sleep.

Harry smiled remembering Zayn and sighs. They went silent after that and Harry thought Louis is asleep, but that question kept bugging him, kept coming back to him, the girl's voice kept asking for Louis and Harry couldn’t stop himself before it’s out.

“Louis?” Harry said, listening for Louis' breathing.

“Hm?” Louis murmured.

“Who was it?” Harry asked hoping Louis would understand.

“Who was what?” Louis returned.

“Today? On the phone?” Harry tried again.

He heard Louis sigh and turn on his back. The silence lasts long enough for Harry to think that Louis might have fallen asleep or simply is not bothered to answer the question, but then he suddenly speaks and it’s like a lightning waking every sense of Harry’s wide awake.

“It was my little sister,” Louis said and Harry couldn’t help, but feel a little relieved.

“Why-“ Harry starts, but it seems like Louis knows what Harry is about to say and continues.

“It wasn’t safe to talk, she wasn’t alone, she shouldn’t have called, by the time you passed me the phone they disconnected the call,” he said, bitterness clear in his voice.

“Does Liam know?” Harry asked, but it seemed like he already knew the answer.

“No, well he knows that I have family in Doncaster and siblings, but he doesn’t know that it’s her that has been calling on this number, doesn’t know the entire situation,” Louis continued.

“What... I don’t understand,” Harry says honestly and nothing makes sense.

Harry hears Louis taking a couple of deep breaths before he speaks again. “I’ve been calling my sisters whenever I can and I keep telling them not to call me, but they still do, they do when they feel scared, when...” Louis stopped.

Harry listened, waiting for Louis to continue, but he didn’t. He turned on his side this time facing Louis. “Louis?” he questioned.

“Sorry Harry, I’m sorry I can’t,” he whispered and Harry felt him turning on his other side, facing away.

Harry felt like reaching out and telling him it was okay, that there was no need to feel sorry. He didn't know, wasn't sure if that was a good idea. There could very well be a reason Louis kept his family and those weird phone calls a secret from Liam, and Harry wasn't sure he'd be allowed to know. If he even wanted to know.

So he swallowed and started talking, saying what had been lying on the tip of his tongue for days.

“I have always been so scared,” Harry tells Louis' back, “Jason always brought me fear. Every time I came home from work I opened the door with trembling hands. I always could smell if he was drunk enough to hit me or if it was just going to be one of those days when he blamed me for all of his mistakes and the loss of his job. I always would know,” Harry continued, watching Louis turn back towards him, even though he couldn’t. “You know what’s worst?” Harry asked and continued not even waiting for Louis' reply. He could hear him breathing in the darkness of the room. “The worst of it all, is knowing that you have nobody, nowhere to go if you wanted to. I was alone through all of it and he kept reminding me that I have nobody, but him,” Harry finished listening into silence. He hoped that Louis understood where he was going with this, with Harry’s attempt of saying how blessed Louis was that he had Liam and Zayn in his life. Even if he had some dark secrets he wasn’t alone.

“Thanks for telling me this Harry, but I hope you know that you are not alone anymore,” Louis whispered, his palm finding its way to Harry’s bicep.

“I know that, I just... You aren't alone either Louis, whatever it is that you are keeping to yourself or whatever the situation is with you and your family,” Harry said, feeling the warmth of Louis hand through his t-shirt. “I’m not implying that you should go on and tell me because I just told you things, I just want you to know that I’ll be here whenever you need me or want to talk about it or don’t want to, I’ll understand.”

“Thank you,” Louis repeated and fell silent. Harry knew that Louis would need time to trust anyone other than himself or even Zayn.

Harry could hear Louis soft puffs of breath and how they slowed down as he fell asleep. Harry followed not long after, still hearing Louis soft snores when he closed his eyes and let the sleep take him.

~

Two weeks flew by fast. Fast enough that Harry felt like one moment he went to sleep with barely any sign that he is pregnant, to wake up with his belly shaped like a small football, if he wore a tight T-shirt or one that clung to his stomach, you could notice the baby bump.

He couldn't do anything else than smile and every morning he started with stroking his belly and telling it how much he loved it. He knew that the baby still couldn’t hear him now and for quite a while longer, but Harry still believed he could feel him and he hoped he does.

He lay on his side in the bed, having just woken up and he thought he heard a phone ringing. He was reminded of the fact that he and Louis have never picked up the subject from their talk in the dark. Some day it seemed like that was all it had been, a talk in the darkness and that was where it should stay. 

Harry felt like since that night Louis kind of distanced himself from Harry, but as soon as he sensed that Harry thought like that and noticed he acted very affectionate and very much liked to talk to Harry, but never for the reasons Harry would have liked him to. He would be like that for a few days and then again would distance himself by going out or sleeping on the sofa.

Louis had gone back to the distancing the day before. It hurt Harry a bit, unsure if he had something to do with it or if there was anything he could do to change it.

Harry listened to the phone's constant ringing until finally someone picked it up. He recognized Louis' voice straight away and Harry kind of anticipated hearing him say “sorry you have called the wrong number”, but he didn’t. It was quiet for a minute and then Harry hears something in the line of “I miss you too”.

It stirred something in Harry’s gut and all he could think of while trying to hold back his tears was the little girl, Louis' sister that misses her brother for, maybe reasons she didn’t know or understand. He wondered if she was being told lies instead of the truth.

Harry slid out of the bed and slowly walks over to the door, he knew and understood that what he was trying to do was wrong, but Louis seemed to have gone to the living room and Harry just wanted to listen, to hear a little more.

He walked out into the hallway and it seemed like the whole flat had sunk into silence. It felt like he could hear a pin drop.

He made his way to the living room, still not hearing any sound and that was where Harry found Louis. His head bent, where he sat on the sofa, shoulders hunched and phone in his hands.

For a moment Harry didn’t know what to do. Should he say something or just leave him be? He couldn't decide fast enough, not before Louis saw him. 

Their eyes met for a moment and then he turned away, not saying a word. Harry approached him and carefully sat down.

No one said anything. Harry didn’t even know at this point what to say so instead he just waited for Louis, waited for him to come forward in his own time.

“I want to give up, stop caring, but it’s more difficult than I thought,” Louis said breaking the silence.

“Why would- was it her?” Harry asked instead.

Louis nodded with a sigh.

“She wouldn’t want you to,” Harry said looking at Louis. Once the words were out Louis turned his head and locked eyes with Harry.  His heart sunk when he saw Louis' eyes filled with tears.

“I just can’t, it’s too much, too much to be reminded of. God, I must love the pain,” Louis faked a laugh.

“What was it?” Harry asked. He dared himself to ask.

Louis sighed deeply, at first Harry thought Louis was annoyed with him, that he would brush him off again, but then he started talking, quiet at first, his words muffled and unclear until he grew into it and Harry caught ever word, every emotion.

“It’s been four years since I have left my home and everyone who once loved me,” Louis started and Harry wanted to add that they still love him, but he didn’t. He decided not to waste his only chance of knowing what really is happening. “It was me, my mom and four of my younger sisters at that time, all being happy and it kind of felt right. I knew that it wouldn’t last for long, knew that sooner or later she would find somebody that would love her, take all her love she had for me to give him, and she did. They married way too early and my mom had twins from him. Something about him kept bothering me, he knew I was gay and I kept catching him staring at me like I’d done something wrong. So as soon as they married I kind of knew there would be something coming, it was the calm before the storm hit us,” Louis stopped, a single tear falling down. Harry felt like there wasn’t enough air to breathe, he felt like he knew all too well where this was going and he wanted to stop Louis, stop him from remembering and going through it once again, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t get himself to say it, to stop Louis, because as difficult it was for him it will not only hurt him, it will help him in a way too. He will feel better once it’s out, because that’s what helped Harry when he told Liam everything, it was a new start, another chance to pick himself up and brush it all off to start another new chapter.

“He started little by little, ruining my relationship between me and my mom, I guess he was jealous of how close we always were, how happy I made her. He started with just simple remarks that all of our family’s future was now resting on my sisters' shoulders, that I wouldn’t be able to give my mom grand children from our blood, that she had only wasted her time raising me. But he would just laugh it off like he didn’t mean it, like it was just a joke when I knew it wasn’t,” another tear fell and Harry had to keep himself from reaching out and brushing it away.

“It continued day by day, week after week and to my surprise it worked. I would feel that my mom held back every time she talked to me, she would barely look at me and that hurt me the most. Then one day he pushed me, he played it off as accident, but I knew it wasn’t, it was his way of seeing the reaction of my mom, what she would do, what would she say. She did nothing. So when he started to yell at me and call me names she did nothing. He pushed me a couple of times but it didn't hurt as much as the fact that my mom would just stand there, look at him abusing me and doing nothing,” he said and only now Harry sees that he is full on crying. Crying like Harry's never seen him do before.

If harry didn’t felt like reaching out before, nothing could stop him now. He scooted impossibly closer to Louis and hugged him. He hed him with all he got, held him while he goes through his memories, through his pain.

“So I left, I didn’t even take anything, didn’t even said goodbye to my little sisters. I lived with Zayn and went to Uni where I met Liam and that’s how I ended up here. I wanted to get as far as possible from him, from that place he made me leave. Then once I called home and to my surprise one of my sisters picked up, she kept asking me why I left because mom didn’t explain anything to her, but Ben had said that I left because I didn’t love my sisters anymore. I told her that he was lying because I still did and I hoped she trusted me. From that day one I would call her sometimes, to talk, see how things are at home and she always tells me that it gets worse every day. Ben yells and mom seems more tired than ever,” Louis sniffed wiping at his eyes.

Harry kept hugging him even when he's calmed down a little. He couldn't stop a few stray tears from rolling down his cheeks.

“It just makes me mad that I can’t do anything about it,” Louis continued gripping the hem of his jumper.

“Can’t you?” Harry whispered. He wasn’t sure if he didn’t sound stupid or offensive. Because after all, Louis wouldn’t be sitting here crying about his family if it would be easy to just go back.

“I-I can’t, I don’t want to, I just want to be there for my sisters you know? I don’t think that if I tried to reach out to my mom it would end on good terms. I kind of hope that the girls would tell her that I have been the one reaching out to them and that would make her think, you know?” Louis said. He sounded so hopeful that he made even Harry forget about all those things he wanted to say. That he should fight for his sisters, to be allowed to see them, but now, hearing Louis' hopes it sounded more realistic.

“I believe you can do it, I believe that one day it won’t be your sister calling, but your mom,” Harry pulled away and he hoped that he looked just as convincing as he sounded.

“Thank you, Harry,” Louis smiled a little and hugged him close again.

Ever since that day Harry and Louis shared a close bond. Louis showed Harry a side of his that he had always tried to hide. He was just as broken inside as Harry was, they recognized themselves in the other.

After that day Louis didn’t try to distance himself from Harry anymore, if anything they became closer. There were nights when they would stay awake and watch sappy movies sharing a box of tissues, or days when Louis would massage Harry’s legs because they hurt after their walk.

And every time Louis would do something nice, or even just touch Harry’s cheek brushing away a stray hair, he would feel the fluttering again, becoming stronger over time.

~

“Harry are you ready?” Louis asked for the hundredth time that morning.

They were late to doctor’s appointment already, not even minding the fact they had dinner planned at some restaurant with Zayn, Liam and Niall after Harry would've found out the gender of his baby. The last two months had been hectic for Harry. His baby bump had grown bigger by now it looked like a ball. It didn't matter what shirt or jumper he wore; it was always visible. The first time he felt his baby kick, it felt more like a soft flutter to him, two weeks ago. Harry was showering and once he felt it he was so overwhelmed by joy he almost ran naked to tell Louis and Liam.

His friends had been nothing but supportive all this time. Louis seemed to be more involved in what was happening to Harry than ever. There was a night he skipped on going out to party with Zayn, because Harry wasn’t feeling too well. He decided to stay home and be with Harry, just to make sure everything was alright.

“I’m ready,” Harry walked through the door from his and Louis’ bedroom huffing. He had troubles of finding his sweater, sometimes his and Louis clothes would mix up and he would end up trying to squeeze into Louis shirt or jeans, which would make him a little furious because he would think he had gained more weight than he should.

“Good,” Louis smiled opening the door to let Harry through. “Are you excited?” He questioned pointing at Harry’s belly.

“Yeah, a little nervous too,” Harry said honestly. Sometimes he would worry about his baby’s health, but Liam or Louis would always assure that everything was alright and there was nothing to worry about.

“Everything’s going to be fabulous,” Louis assured, “right, Bean?” he said bending a little so that his face was level with Harry’s bump.

Harry blushed looking down at Louis, feeling the flutters in his belly, and just like that he forgot why he was worrying in the first place.

They made their way to the car, Harry’s boots splashing through the last melting water from winter snow. He could feel spring approaching, could feel it in the warmth of sun on his back and hearing the birds singing their songs all around. He loved spring, loved every part of it.

Soon enough they arrived at the hospital where Doctor Hall was already waiting for Harry.

“Hello,” he greeted her smiling.

“Hello, Harry,” she answered returning the smile. “Excited for today?”

“Yeah,” Harry responded going to sit on the familiar bed.

“Alright then, we shall get to it,” Doctor Hall gestured for Harry to lay down and as soon as he did she covered his lower belly with the cold gel and this time uses something like a microphone to slide over his belly.

Harry watched in amusement as the picture on ultrasound machine changed. This time it wasn’t just the black spot and a little bean in it. His bean had grown into a baby and it made Harry feel so overwhelmed he had to brush away few tears.

“Here we go, look at that Harry,” the doctor said, smile evident in her voice. She kept guiding the device over his belly and Harry saw how the image had changed into a small baby sleeping on its back.

Harry couldn’t tear away his eyes from the screen and the doctor turned on the sound again, so that room is once more filled with the loud heart beat.

“Are you ready to find out the gender?” she asked after a while turning off the sound, she still guided the device over the belly and the image was constantly changing.

“Yes,” Harry said and nodded. He felt excitement building up, although he had a feeling what it might be he can’t wait to know for sure.

Doctor Hall slid the device further to the side and pressed a few buttons on the machine, making it beep every time she did, suddenly making the screen freeze.

He could see something that resembled tiny feet and he wanted to touch them so badly, just reach out and see how tiny they would be against his palm.

The device beeped again and Harry skipped over the words that were written on the screen, “Congratulations, it’s a Girl!!!”

“Congratulations Harry,” she said smiling.

Harry can’t hold his grin, he knew, he felt that his Bean might be a girl and today he was confirmed that he felt correctly. He grinned at the screen happily, feeling his cheeks hurt and thought that he had never felt happier than today.

~

“Why can’t you just tell me now?” Louis grumbled driving both of them to some small bakery Harry has told him about.

“Because I want you all to find out at the same time,” Harry rolled his eyes, a smile on his face.

He felt more than excited to tell everyone once he was finished at the doctors.

Doctor Hall showed Harry some more of the baby images in 3d. Harry was so happy to see her like that, his little Bean resembling a tiny human, tossing and turning in his belly. She looked already so big on the screen, but when the doctor said that she's still only twelve centimeter's long it shocked Harry.

So when he walked through the door and met Louis questioning the gender he just smiled, hands on his belly and told him to drive them to the Primrose bakery, where he had something to pick up, before they headed to the restaurant to have dinner with the other boys.

“I won’t say tell them Harry, please, tell me,” Louis pleaded, but Harry wouldn't have it.

“No, stop begging Louis,” Harry chuckled watching him huff in response.

“Why do you need to go to that bakery anyway, is this some kind of weird craving you have?” Louis questioned acting hurt.

“It’s a surprise,” Harry giggled in response.

“Is there something happening today that isn’t surprise?” Louis huffed.

“Wait and see Louis, wait and see.”

“Okay, I give up,” Louis said shaking his head. Harry could still see a glint of smile that escaped Louis lips when he casually turned to look out of the side window.

~

“Finally both of you have arrived; we started to think that you two might have ditched us and went to celebrate without all of us!” Niall laughed hugging Harry. It was a little awkward as Harry had his bump bigger and Niall still had a little of his after the birth just last month.

“Good to see you again, Ni,” Harry said squished by Niall’s shoulder.

“You look good since the last time I saw you,” Niall said holding Harry at arm’s length, “you seem more... how to say... glowing?” he smiled and Harry couldn’t hide his big grin.

“We are feeling very good,” Harry responded smiling and moving on to hug Liam and Zayn. Harry could hear Niall asking Louis about the cupcake box and something else he didn’t quite catch, but when Harry caught a glimpse of Louis face he had a blush on them.

Harry used the moment while everyone else was catching up with each other's lives to take the cupcake box from Louis and arrange them on the table, one for each. He smiled at the cupcakes holding his hand on his baby bump.

“So, will you tell me now?” Louis asked and Harry’s face split into a grin before he even turned around to see him.

“Patience isn’t your thing is it?” Harry chuckled shaking his head.

“Sorry, can’t help it,” Louis laughed, “will you?”

“Not yet, Louis, when time is right,” Harry said watching Louis huff in faux annoyance.

Harry smiled and all of them took their respective places at the table.

They went through the dinner catching up. Mostly it was Niall who talked about his new born and once again invited all of them for a barbecue when it got warmer, Harry of course couldn’t wait to see Niall’s kids with his own eyes, after all the photos Niall had been sharing. They all seemed to have blonde hair and blue eyes, even though Niall was brunette, the kids must have gotten their hair colour from Mark.

Zayn seemed a little too quiet to Harry. He spent most of the night barely saying a word, he would just sit there and watch everyone and from time to time Harry would catch Zayn looking at him with a little knowing smile.

It wasn’t that he was being creepy or that he made Harry feel uncomfortable, but when they arrived there was a point that Zayn had dragged Louis aside and ever since then Zayn looked like he knew something that wasn’t quite clear to Harry. That made him really curious and think if the subject of conversation was Louis' family. In the end Harry decided not to think about it too much and concentrate on his dinner party.

“I swear to God Harry, if you make me look at these cupcakes any longer I’ll just end up eating them all without your permission,” Niall laughed and the others joined him.

Harry could feel Louis nudge him in the thigh with his knee where he sat next to Harry.

“Okay, okay,” Harry sighed unable to hide his smile. “Before Niall eats them and ruins my surprise there are some things I want to say first,” Harry looked at Niall pointedly to which he just laughed.

“Like the gender of your baby,” Louis said not missing a beat.

“Yes, Louis that time has come, but I won’t be the one telling you that,” Harry said catching everyone by surprise.

“The answer is in the cupcakes isn’t it?” Liam questioned pointing at the said cupcakes.

Harry nodded smiling, “yes, you're correct, but first I just want to say a big thanks to all of you for being there for me and accepting me as I am,” Harry said getting a little emotional, “I know I haven’t-“

“And I’ll stop you right there Harry,” Louis interrupted before he could finish. “We have come here to celebrate the new life of your baby and yourself, so no more dwelling in the past, this night has to be remembered because of happy things, so let’s get to it?” he added squeezing Harry’s knee under the table.

“Yeah, we are all glad to be here man, no more sadness, this has to be your happy time,” Zayn added.

“Okay, yeah, you are all right,” Harry agreed shaking his head. “So without any further ado, bite the cupcake and see for yourself,” Harry grinned with excitement.

“Wait! Stop!” Liam exclaimed before everyone grabbed for the cupcake, Niall had it already halfway to his mouth.

“What now?” Niall grumbled setting the said cupcake down again.

“I want to propose something, to make it more interesting?” Liam said looking at all of them.

“I’m listening,” Harry said wondering.

“What if we say what we think you are having before biting the cupcake and who ever guessed it right... hmm I haven’t thought this through,” Liam chuckled telling his idea.

“I love where this is going,” Niall agreed, “Can I choose what the winner gets?” He questioned and everyone agreed. “So, as an experienced father I would suggest that the winner helps Harry take care of the baby, while he catches up on sleep, because believe me, giving birth is tiring as hell especially if it lasts more than a day.”

“Yeah, I agree with that, I believe all of us will want to participate in caring for the baby and helping Harry, but the lucky winners will do it more often,” Liam concluded.

“Alright then, winners get to help and losers take out dirty diapers?” Niall questioned.

They all nod in understanding that whoever wins or loses won’t have to do it full time. They all live their separate lives, just Liam and Louis sharing their flat with Harry, so in the end it’s all between the two of them.

“Okay, my guess,” Niall starts it off, “I think you are having a boy, just because my first was a boy.”

“I’ll go agree with Niall there, it’s a boy,” Zayn said smiling.

“Yeah, me too, my gut says it has to be a boy,” Liam added looking convinced.

Harry just looked at them, his smile not faltering an inch. Although none of them guessed it correctly yet he still had a hope that Louis would guess right.

“You all sound very convincing guys, I think I’ll-“ Louis started making a dramatic pause, “I have decided not to go with the flow, so my guess is that Harry is having a girl,” Louis said and turned his head so that he could see Harry.

Both of them just grinned at each other and Harry knew somehow inside that Louis knew it’s a girl too, even before Harry was told. He could see it in his eyes when Louis would look at his belly with such joy, or in his voice, so calm and soothing when he would talk to Bean or in his touch when he would feel for the first flutters of her.

“Can we eat the cakes now?” Niall brought Harry back to reality.

“Yeah, sure,” Harry smiled and watched how his friends attacked the cupcakes. He thought that he would never forget this exact moment when all of them took a bite, all of their surprised faces and Louis' face of pure joy once he realised he guessed it correctly.  Liam’s face was definitely priceless after Niall reminded him that he would have to take out baby diapers. Harry knew that he wouldn’t let his friend suffer that badly after all he’s done for him. He'll just have him do it once, so that he’s done what he needed to to from their bet, but rather let him care for the baby as much as Louis.

~

Later that night, when all of them had parted their ways and returned back home, Harry was laying on his side, facing Louis, listening to his breathing.

“Can’t sleep?”  Louis suddenly whispered.

“Don’t want to, yet,” Harry whispered back, a little taken aback.

“What’s on your mind?” He questioned.

“Just thinking,” Harry breathed, “how long've you known I’d have a girl?” he questioned, he didn’t even have to ask if he guessed because Harry knew that Louis somehow knew.

“It’s not-,” Louis stopped and Harry could feel him shuffle closer, “Can I?” he asked and Harry nodded not even seeing Louis hand reaching out.

Harry only felt him when he placed his hand softly on Harry’s bump. He shivered, it wasn’t that he was cold or anything; it was just Louis, the touch of his hand so warm and light on his belly.

“It’s not that I knew for a long time, but I had an idea you might have a girl that moment when you walked out from your first doctor’s appointment. You had this look of pure joy on you face and you hugged the picture so tightly. Then you told me you called it Bean and it was it for me, as soon as I saw that tiny spot you showed me, I just... I thought it couldn’t be a boy, so tiny, yet... beautiful,” Louis continued whispering into darkness.

Louis words made Harry feel like he was floating. His limbs suddenly felt so light and the fluttering feeling in his stomach wouldn’t stop. He wanted to kiss Louis, he ached for his lips, the way they fit with his.

“And maybe watching my mom give birth to four girls did the trick too,” Louis chuckled taking his arm off of Harry’s belly.

As soon as his hand was off, Harry felt like something was missing, something that belonged to him, like a part of his belly.

“Do you sometimes just want to go back to the place where you felt happiest?” Louis asked breaking the short silence.

“I guess you expect me to say yes, but no. No, I don’t because-,” Harry started, with every word he said he felt his heartbeat speed up, “I feel happiest here, with you-“ he gulped, “and Liam, Niall, even Zayn,” he chuckled. “You?”

“Yeah, I do,” Louis said his voice thoughtful. “There is this one day I can’t quite forget and from time to time I find myself wanting to go back, do it all over and-“.

“I miss my family too, I would want to go back and fix some mistakes,” Harry added, obviously understanding that Louis missed his family with how he and his mom were just like best friends.

“No, it’s not that-,” Louis started and sat up, “I can’t quite forget that day we went ice skating.”

Harry’s breath caught in his throat and he blinked trying to understand if his mind was playing games with him or he’s just dreaming. “What?” He questioned.

“Yeah, I really enjoyed it and it really was when I felt the happiest in a long time and it was because of you Harry,” Louis said making Harry feel hot, “I wouldn’t change anything from that day, just one thing-“ Louis continued and Harry felt him leaning closer, the warmth of his body radiating. “I would have kissed you,” Louis whispered just inches away from Harry’s face.

“Kiss m-“ Harry was about to say, but Louis was quick enough to bury Harry’s words under his soft lips.

Harry’s body felt tingly and covered all over with goose bumps. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Harry was a reason for Louis to feel happy and that he was still thinking of that day.

The same day Harry wanted to kiss him, the same day he wanted to last forever because Louis made him feel something warm and magical within.

He concentrated on Louis lips and his tongue breaking its way past Harry’s lips and into his hot mouth. Harry suddenly felt thirsty for Louis. It seemed that with just kissing wasn’t enough, he wanted to touch, to feel Louis skin under his fingertips. Kissing him had somehow broken a barrier he didn't realise had been there.

He wrapped his hands around Louis neck and tried to pull him closer. He could feel a little resistance from Louis, but he was too afraid he would stop kissing him and make it too awkward.

“Please, Louis, please,” Harry pleaded breaking away just a little from Louis lips.

That did the trick; Louis became more pliant in Harry’s arms, though he still wouldn’t climb all over Harry because of the baby.

Harry’s arms roamed Louis torso as much as he could reach, but still it felt like it wasn’t enough, it still was just his body covered with t-shirt, not bare skin like Harry desired.

He couldn’t understand what had gotten into him and he wasn’t sure what he wanted to get out of this, but he couldn’t think anymore, once Louis hands found their way into Harry’s curls and his lips were sucking down his neck.

Harry groaned once Louis tugged on his curls and bit at the skin just below his ear. He could feel the same fluttering in his stomach and it made him feel woozy mixing together with pleasure.

Harry dragged his hand down the front of Louis clothed torso and once he reached its hem he slid his hands under, finally touching the skin. It felt surreal, the moment he felt Louis' soft, warm skin under his fingertips and the moment Louis once again marked his skin.

They kissed, both of them hungry for more. Harry was getting aroused by Louis' hands in his hair and on his neck. His nipples were extra sensitive and every time Louis accidently brushed his hand across them, pleasure would spike through him, making him ache for Louis touch.

Harry slid his hands under Louis’ shirt, dragging his hands up his spine and taking the shirt with them. Louis easily complied breaking the kiss for a second to allow Harry to tug it over his head. Once Louis' mouth was back on Harry’s lips he felt satisfied that finally he could feel the warmth of Louis skin.

Both of them broke apart after a moment, both panting like after a fast run. Harry could slightly see Louis' face into the darkness of the room. They just stared at each other like that, both of them frozen in place, gasping for air. Harry could hear his heart beating in his ears and feel the flutters in his belly grow. He wanted Louis, wanted him everywhere, wanted to feel his touch on his skin and his lips molding with his. Just the thought that maybe Louis wouldn’t want that stopped him from reaching out and pulling him in.

Harry gasped when he suddenly felt Louis fingertips brushing down his arm, to his own fingertips lacing them. Louis tugged on Harry’s arm and it took Harry a moment to realise that Louis wants him to sit up. He does just that and fells Louis hand yet again brushing down his sides, over his waist and then hooking around the hem of Harry’s own t-shirt. He tugs it off, leaving Harry topless as well, his skin covered in goose bumps once the slightly colder air hits his skin.

Louis brought their lips together once again and Harry moaned into his mouth when Louis thumb softly brushed over his nipple. Louis kissed down Harry’s jaw and neck, peppering little kisses as he trailed along his collarbone. Harry intertwined his fingers in Louis' hair as he felt him kiss his chest nearing his nipples.

It felt like electricity shooting through him once Louis kitten licked and suckled on his sensitive nipples. He couldn’t stop another round of moans that escaped his mouth. He was lost in Louis' hot mouth when he was brought back by Louis palm cupping his cock through his boxers. Only then he realised how hard he was straining in his boxers.

He thrust into Louis palm moaning loudly when Louis circled his nipple with his tongue.

“Ohh... Lou-“ Harry whispered when Louis hand started to stroke him over the fabric.

“Harry...” Louis whispered back pulling away from sucking on his nipples.

Harry whined in response, already missing Louis lips on him.

“You sure about this?” Louis questioned, his face hidden in the darkness.

Harry nodded before even his words were out, “yes, I’m sure, please don’t stop now,” Harry whined, his own words sounding somewhere far away.

“But you tell me if something doesn't feel right and I’ll stop, okay?” Louis whispered, his face just inches away.

“Okay,” Harry nodded searching for Louis hand on the sheets and squeezing it.

“Do you mind if I turn on the light? I don’t want to hurt you because I can’t see,” Louis said placing his palm on Harry’s cheek.

Harry nodded, but he felt a little uncomfortable that there would be light. That Louis could see how pregnant he looked, not attractive at all. He kind of felt better when there was darkness to hide in, he felt a little uncertain. Not that he was regretting being pregnant, but he thought of Louis seeing Harry naked and pregnant. It made him fear that it would kill the mood once Louis saw him like this, and then it would hit him that he is trying to have sex with a pregnant man and he wouldn’t want it anymore.

Harry could feel Louis move over to his bedside table and flick on the small light. It didn’t give much light, it being old and not bright enough, just setting the room in dim colours, but still enough to allow seeing.

Louis turned back, facing Harry now, his hair a mess and lips bitten red. He still looked beautiful, Harry thought. He could see Louis eyes skip over Harry’s body lingering on his belly and it made Harry want to hide under the covers.

He knew that Louis could see his discomfort and the next moment he was in front of him again, cupping his chin, making their eyes meet.

“Hey,” Louis whispered searching Harry’s eyes.

Harry shook his head, his eyes squeezing shit.

“Hey, look at me,” he continued and Harry slowly opened his eyes. “You are beautiful, okay?” Louis said brushing Harry’s nose with his.

Harry nodded trying to push away all the thoughts that would make him think any different. He concentrated on Louis hands and how he touched him, like he was made of porcelain.

Louis brought their lips together again and this time he kissed him differently. It was soft and slow, and it made Harry’s butterflies return, climb up his chest and make his heart beat faster.

“You are beautiful,” Louis whispered against his lips and Harry nodded along believing every word.

They continued kissing, Louis touch never faltering, never stopping on Harry’s skin. Louis kissed his way to Harry’s nipples again making him moan low in his throat. He started to kiss lower, making his way to Harry’s belly.

Harry watched Louis intently, the way he softly placed little kisses on his belly and murmured something against his stretched skin.

“What are you doing?” Harry questioned amused.

“I’m apologizing to little Bean for what’s to come,” Louis chuckled pressing another kiss to Harry’s belly.

Louis words made Harry speechless and his breath got caught in his throat from the sudden fluttering of his heart. These kinds of things, things that Louis did without even thinking, these words that he said so naturally made Harry the happiest; it reminded him once again that there was someone out there who could love him just the way he was.

“You can save that for another time, I’m pretty sure she is sleeping now, can’t feel her move,” Harry smiled feeling his cheeks burning, “if anything you can apologize if you wake her.”

Louis just grinned at that and placed another kiss just above Harry’s navel. He sat up his grin still present and kissed Harry once again.

“How do you... I mean how would it be most comfortable for you?” Louis asked after they have kissed for a while.

“I-I don’t know, as long as it’s not me on my back I guess,” Harry answered butting his lip, feeling the heat climb up his neck.

“Do you want to get on your hands and knees for me, love?” Louis asked smiling softly and Harry nodded sheepishly. “But first we got to get rid of these,” Louis added hooking his finger behind the waistband his boxers and pulling a little.

Harry went to take them off, but Louis was already on it hooking both of his hands on sides and pulling down, all Harry had to do was lift his bum off the bed enough so Louis could slip them over and down his long legs. His semi-hard cock sprung free, it’s head slapping against his lower belly; he could barely see it sitting on his bum in the bed. It left him wondering how many weeks he would have left until the only way to see it was the mirror.

Harry was too busy thinking about his own cock to notice Louis discarding his boxers and placing a bottle of lube and a condom next to him.

Louis placed his palms on Harry’s thighs slowly running them up, the sensation of it made Harry’s skin prickle. He couldn’t take his eyes off Louis hands and when he dragged them down to almost his knees Harry noticed Louis' own cock, already hard and leaking pre-come.

Harry was taken aback by the sight of it. He was so busy worrying that Louis would feel disgusted seeing him pregnant and naked in the dim light of the room, that he forgot that Louis words were genuine. Maybe Harry was beautiful after all, to Louis, beautiful and apparently hot enough to turn him.

Harry breath hitched when Louis moved closer between Harry’s legs, his hard cock swaying with the motion. He suddenly wanted him so badly; it turned him on so much he couldn’t wait to feel Louis inside of him.

“Want to turn around now, love?” Louis whispered into Harry’s ear his voice sounding more like a purr.

Harry nodded eagerly turning around and bracing himself on his hands and knees. He could feel the weight of the baby stretch his belly a little, but it wasn’t too uncomfortable or painful.

Louis moved closer to Harry and he could feel his erection brush against the back of Harry’s thigh when he leaned down to kiss at the nape of Harry’s neck.

Louis continued to place little kisses down Harry’s back while caressing his hips. He could feel himself relax, melt under Louis' touch. Harry could feel Louis' palms sliding over his bum cheeks once his trail of kisses reached Harry’s lower back. He parted them licking a wet trail over Harry’s puckered hole, making him gasp. His arms gave out and he landed on his elbows.

Louis proceeded with his kitten licks over Harry’s hole until he couldn’t take it anymore. “Louis, please,”~ Harry pleaded burying his face into the sheets.

Louis licked once more over Harry’s entrance and sucked each of his balls in his mouth sending Harry almost over the edge without even getting touched.

Harry could hear the cap of lube pop open and the sound of it made Harry’s cock ache for touch and his hole clenching around thin air in anticipation of Louis' fingers.

Harry breathed a long sigh once Louis' thumb touched the rim of Harry’s entrance. He brushed it over it a couple of times while reaching around and giving Harry’s abandoned cock couple of slow strokes. Harry felt on the edge already but he pushed his orgasm building up in the pit of his stomach down with all his willpower, wanting to come on Louis' cock.

Louis' thumb slowly entered Harry’s hole, he could feel Louis twist it around while slowly thrusting it inside. When Harry was about to say that he was ready for another he could feel Louis switching his thumb for his pointer and middle finger. The new sensation of stretch made Harry moan once again, his face squished against the bed, his hands fisting the sheets above his head. It felt so good, so different to be approached with so much care - and maybe even love? - by a man.

Ever since that last night when Harry was woken up by Jason touching him, where he felt like he was still dreaming, he thought that he wouldn’t be able to feel that high again, just because Jason’s face would haunt him, or he would be reminded of the incident where he hurt his back. But Louis made it so much better than he'd ever experienced it before. It was about Harry feeling good, not just Louis getting pleasure for himself.

Harry started to rock back slowly on Louis' fingers meeting him half way. Louis hooked his fingers as he thrust into Harry’s hole and hit them right on Harry’s prostate making him cry out. His cock throbbed heavily under his belly, pre-come leaking with every time Louis hit his prostate.

Harry desperately wanted more and he could feel that he wouldn’t last much longer if Louis kept it up.

“I want your cock Louis,” Harry moaned turning his head to the side, he could feel Louis' thrusts falter, losing the rhythm he'd built up once he heard said the words coming out of Harry's mouth.

“You sure about that? I’m not sure you're ready, you are so damn tight love,” Louis responded still thrusting his fingers inside of Harry, his other hand caressing his hip.

“I’ll be okay, just I won’t-ahhh-last any longer,” Harry moaned, already embarrassingly close to the edge.

“Okay,” Louis whispered. He still kept going, though time his thrusts were shallow, not quite reaching Harry’s prostate, pulling him back from the ridge he'd been threatening to fall over.

Once Louis fingers were out Harry clenched around air, his puckered hole stinging a little because of the stretch. Harry turned his head to look at Louis, his forehead and chest were already sweaty, hair sticking to his forehead. He looked beautiful, Harry thought, watching him reach down and stroke himself a couple of times. Louis eyes squeezed shut, his head falling back, his adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed and Harry noticed he was close himself, even though watching Louis like that didn't do much to stop him from coming on the spot.

Louis reached for the silver package on the bed, his hand still wrapped around his length. He held it in one hand and used his teeth to rip it open.

“Don’t-“ Harry said stopping Louis half way. He looked at Harry questioning. “I'm safe, and I trust you if you say you're safe, which I believe you are, I mean, it’s not like I can get more pregnant,” Harry shrugged, his head pressed on the mattress, “unless you prefer to use a condom,” he finished and Harry could see Louis eyes become impossibly darker.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm safe, just got tested last month and haven't... you know... for a while now. God. Fuck,” Louis breathed, his voice a little raspy. He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and reached for the bottle of lube instead, throwing the condom over his shoulder.

Harry braced himself hearing the familiar pop of the cap. Soon enough Harry could feel something nudge at his hole, he grunted disapprovingly when it turned out to be Louis thumb applying more lube and stretching him again.

“I don’t want to hurt you or her, be patient,” Louis chuckled sneaking his hand around and squeezing Harry’s cock at the base to relieve some of the pressure.

“Louis, please,” Harry cried out clenching around Louis thumb, it wasn’t enough for him, he wanted more.

Louis kissed his back and withdrew his finger, seconds later Harry could feel his head nudging at his entrance. He slid it up and down a couple of times and every time he dragged it over Harry’s stinging hole it made Harry shiver with anticipation of being stretched by Louis' thick cock. He could feel butterflies in the pit of his stomach when Louis finally stopped at his entrance and slowly pushed in.

Harry could feel himself being stretched inch by inch and when he felt like Louis' head was almost in he pulled out and slowly pushed into Harry again. It felt like Louis is torturing Harry, withdrawing right when Harry could almost feel him inside.

“Louis... stop that and get in or I’ll do it myself,” Harry growled, his cock throbbing painfully to remind him how close he was to coming.

“Fuck,” Louis breathed bracing his hands on Harry’s hips. “You are so tight, love, fuck-ahhh” he moaned and Harry could finally feel him going deeper. “Feels so good,” Louis whispered leaning down and kissing Harry’s back.

Harry breathed once he felt Louis balls settle against his bum and his cock stretching him fully open. Louis caressed Harry’s sides and back helping Harry to relax while adjusting. His hands felt so soft on Harry’s skin leaving the places where he touched feeling hot.

Harry wiggled his bum and Louis proceeded with circling his hips and slowly pulling out. Harry could feel him withdrawing just enough that it left just the head of his cock in and he slowly pushed in again.

Louis fucked Harry slowly, each draw with calculated precision. He stopped for a second changing the direction slightly and Harry moaned out loud; butting the sheets when Louis finally hit the spot he was aching for.

Harry could hear Louis’ low grunts over his own moans as he slowly fucked Harry, each time hitting him on the spot. It tookonly a couple more thrusts for Harry to come untouched. He spilled marking the sheets and Louis hand wrapped around his length to fuck him through his orgasm. Louis spilled inside of Harry not long after, slowly riding it out. He pulled out after that and fell on the sheets next to Harry, his eyes closed, chest heaving, and little droplets of sweat covering his upper lip and sliding down his neck. Harry laid on his side next to him, carefully avoiding the wet patch on the sheet and scrunching his nose a little. He could feel Louis come dripping out of him and over his left cheek buthe felt too tired to really care.

He watched Louis in amazement, still feeling high and tingly. Louis made him feel happy and wanted. Louis opened his eyes, turning his head and smiled at Harry. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, both of them happy.

“Sleep?” Louis whispered reaching his hand out and hooking a stray curl behind Harry’s ear. Harry nodded suddenly feeling his limbs becoming too heavy.

Louis sat up looking around the room, Harry watched him climbing out of the bed and disappearing from his sight. He felt too tired to try and see where he went off to.

Harry’s eyelids were falling shut when he felt Louis kiss him on his cheek and caress his hand.

“Come on love, let’s get you cleaned up so we can go to sleep,” Louis nudged him with his nose, peppering little kisses on his neck.

Harry grunted lowly in his throat and let himself to be manhandled by Louis. He could feel Louis spreading his legs just enough to clean up the come that had been dripping out with a warm, wet towel. He felt Louis rolling down the blanket just above Harry’s head.

“Can you just get up for a second, love?” Louis leaned in again, his breath tickling Harry’s ear. “I promise you can sleep after.”

Harry complied slowly, blinking his eyes open. He turned his head looking at Louis behind him and smiled lazily. He sat up slowly and turned to Louis making grabby hands. Louis held him and helped him stand off the bed, his limbs feeling heavy and tired.

He watched Louis pull the blanked off the bed quickly and replace it with Harry’s duvet that had been lying by the bed on the floor. He folded the duvet far enough for Harry to lay down first. As soon as Harry sat on the bed Louis grabbed the shirt from the side and helped Harry pull it on. It all felt like a dream when Harry’s head finally hit the soft pillow, he hugged himself burying his face in it, but soon enough he felt Louis warm body press against his back, spooning him. Harry fell asleep after Louis kissed him on the cheek, wishing him goodnight and wrapped his hand around Harry, leaving it on his belly and holding him close.

~

After that night Harry and Louis would only grow closer.

Harry felt a little awkward the next morning, a little out of place. Louis hand was still tightly holding him and his body warming Harry’s back.

He thought that once Louis would be awake he would go back to ignoring Harry for days or partying the nights away. He was afraid that once Louis would open his eyes, he would regret what happened between him and Harry, and Harry feared the moment Louis would open his eyes.

Harry swallowed thickly once Louis stirred. He could feel him nuzzle his face into Harry’s hair and inhale. Harry could feel Louis' palm squeeze his hip, then he would lean over and place a chaste kiss on Harry’s shoulder. In that moment Harry finally realised that nothing has changed. Louis wasn’t trying to play it off as a mistake, if ever, they became closer.

Harry’s fluttering feeling grew whenever he saw Louis or when he touched him ever so softly. But he always managed to blame it on hormones and the baby rolling in his belly, making him feel the flutters. He still couldn’t accept that someone like Louis would want someone like Harry. Harry, who had something of his past growing inside of him and he wasn't even sure how Louis felt about raising a child that isn’t his, even if he ever wanted kids.

So Harry enjoyed every minute he had with Louis trying to ignore his feelings. Week by week Harry’s belly got bigger and every week he was closer to see his baby.

After another four weeks flew by and one morning Harry was still in his bed. It would be one of those days when Harry couldn’t find strength to get out of bed. He laid on his side listening to the voices on TV and possibly Liam washing dishes.

He started to feel a little hot, winter had passed and at the end of March it was getting very warm already, world outside was ready for spring and so was Harry.

He rolled out of bed finally and sat on the edge of the bed stretching. He felt a little like losing balance, but after a few blinks he felt fine again.

“Oh hello there Bean,” Harry said smiling and he placed his hand on belly feeling the little one move. “Somebody is very active this morning,” he continued looking down at his belly, holding both palms over it.

Harry sat there for a while just smiling at his belly. He was halfway there to finally see her and he couldn’t wait, four and a half months had flown by so fast Harry felt that he couldn’t keep track.

“Morning,” Harry turned his head to see Louis in the doorway.

“Morning,” Harry smiled feeling the baby flutter in his belly.

“You alright?” Louis questioned approaching Harry, smiling back at him.

Harry nodded, “yeah, she is very active today,” he added gesturing at his belly.

“Can I feel?” Louis asked sitting next to Harry on the bed.

“Yes,” Harry said lifting his shirt up enough so Louis could put his hand on his bare skin. Harry could feel the kicks growing stronger and thought that Louis should feel it too. “Do you feel it?” he asked looking at Louis.

“No, not yet. I think she knows it’s me, that’s why she doesn’t move,” Louis chuckled and then Harry felt the baby move again and Louis eyes grew bigger. “Oh my God, I felt it,” he said, surprise evident in his voice.

“See, she likes you,” Harry whispered watching Louis hands on his belly.

“She proper plays football in there,” Louis added still chuckling, “wait till you get out Bean, I’ll teach you how to play,” Louis said leaning closer to the belly, talking to it.

“More like doing gymnastic tricks,” Harry said blushing a little. Sometimes he would think about never having hada talk with Liam about how long he is allowed to stay. At first he thought that it would be just a couple of weeks, but those weeks have turned into months and he feels a little bad for taking up their space at the flat. Once his baby would be born, it would need space as well and as nice as Liam was, Harry knew that he didn’t expect for Harry to stay. Nobody has ever brought it upp, but still the thought alone makes Harry feel bad for not even helping Liam and Louis to cover any bills.

And now when Louis so easily talked about the future, it once again reminded Harry how uncertain it was for him. He didn't even know where he'd live once the baby had arrived.

“Okay, enough football talk, I’ll go shower,” Harry said slowly standing up, his feet were starting to swell up and hurt, and he knew that this was just the start, the worst parts were yet to come.

Later that day all three of them were invited to Niall’s. He rang up to see how they were doing and all of them decided to go over, have a proper lads evening and it would be a great time for them to see their new-born girl Abigail.

All three of them made their way to Niall, who was living just a little outside from London. He and Mark had a nice little house with a small lawn in front of it, but the street they lived on was calm and deserted of cars. It seemed like a perfect neighborhood to raise a family.

They climbed out of the car, parking next to Range Rover in the parking lot in front of the house, and Niall was already at the door waiting for them.

“Hey lads!” he said grinning, he opened the door wider and through his legs a golden retriever puppy sprung free, running at three of them, wagging his tail from happiness.

“Hey there puppy,” Liam was first to catch it. He leaned down to pet it and it jumped on his legs licking his face.

Harry couldn’t really bend and pet it when it ran to Harry, but he made sure to let it know he was just as happy to meet it as Liam.

“Catch it Louis will you, or we will have spent all evening trying to get it home. That little shite doesn’t listen to any commands yet,” Niall explained coming closer and hugging all three of them.

Louis caught the puppy and lifted it in his arms giving Harry a chance to pet it too. Harry smiled at Louis thankful and scratched behind puppy’s ear.

“Don’t they look like a happy little family?” Niall said and Harry turned to look at his friends who stood next to Liam, his hands in his jean pockets, both of them watching Harry and Louis.

“Okay, very funny. Are we going inside or not?” Louis was first to talk, after sharing an awkward smile with Harry.

“Sure, yes,” Niall answered still grinning and turned around guiding all of them inside.

Niall’s home seemed small from outside, but once they stepped inside it appeared to be bigger. All the rooms were spacious and open and you could tell it was a family home by the way there were kids toys everywhere.

Harry could hear distant voices from TV and Niall’s kids laughing and squealing.

“You can leave your footwear here or any jacked if you like,” Niall said gesturing at the rack of hangers.

All three of them took off their shoes and discarded their jackets. Harry hanged his and was left in his white, slightly transparent, t-shirt.

Harry made his way further into the house following behind Louis. They stopped in what seemed to be living room and dining room together. The table was already set with dinner plates, just for the four of them.

“Hey guys,” Mark greeted them from the chair. Harry didn’t notice him at the start as the chair he was sitting in was on the opposite wall.

Only now Harry saw that he was holding a little baby in his lap, feeding it from the bottle and an urge to see the baby flooded through Harry’s body, he felt excited.

“Where’s the rest?” Niall asked him and as soon as he did, two blonde haired heads popped out from behind the sofa laughing. “Oh, there you two are, come meet my friends’ boys!” Niall ushered them over.

Harry couldn’t stop the grin that spread over his face as soon as he saw Niall’s kids. In person they looked so much like Niall himself, like little copies. They ran out from behind the sofa giggling and shyly hiding behind their dad once they came closer.

“So this is Theo and Connor,” Niall gestured to the smaller one, Theo and his big brother Connor. “Say hi boys,” Niall added ushering them out from behind him.

“Hi boys,” Liam greeted both kids, squatting down to their height and reaching a hand out to shake. “I’m Liam,” only Connor shook it, Theo still was little shy standing next to his brother. Harry watched how Liam stood up with his cheeks going a little red after being declined the handshake from Theo.

“Hey Connor and Theo, I’m Louis,” Louis was up next. He kneeled in front of the kids to be the same height as they were. “So I’ve heard that you two are the big brothers now?” Louis asked a little playful tone to it and both of them nodded their heads in unison.

Harry was amazed by the way Louis could easily befriend the kids. He looked so natural and relaxed and surely Harry could see that the kids liked Louis too, they felt as if he was one of them, their buddy. Harry loved to see Louis in his element and once again he was reminded of how difficult it must be for Louis to be away from his own sisters.

Harry was brought out by his thoughts of someone tugging at the hem of his shirt. He blinked back to reality to see Louis still chatting with Connor. He looked down in front of him once he was tugged by his t-shirt again to find Theo looking at him. Harry smiled at the little boy encouraging him not to be shy.

“Hi, I’m Harry,” Harry said after a moment of staring and grinning like a fool.

Theo turned his head to look at his dad who was watching Harry’s and his son’s exchange. He turned back to look at Harry and brought his little hand up gesturing with his pointer to come closer. Harry smiled and leaned as close as he could with his baby belly.

“Do you have Abigail in there just like my daddy had?” Theo asked all serious pointing at Harry’s belly.

Harry huffed out a little chuckle glancing at other boys watching their exchange.

“Yeah-I mean no,” Harry breathed, “I mean I am having a little girl too, just like your daddy, but my girl doesn’t have a name yet,” Harry explained as simply as he could to the little boy.

“Will you call her Mo?” Theo asked looking at Harry, his blue eyes suddenly so big Harry was afraid they would pop out.

“Sure, I’ll call her Mo if you want,” Harry smiled making Theo grin widely at him too. Harry was taken aback when Theo reached out grabbed Harry's hand.

“Come meet my sister, I am big brother now,” Theo said pulling Harry by the hand to where Mark was sitting.

Harry smiled at other boys watching him being led away to see Abigail.It turned out to be the best evening Harry had ever had. He was so excited to see and hold Abigail even with his own belly, it only made him want to hold his own little miracle as soon as possible. Harry couldn’t take his eyes and hands away from the little baby so peacefully sleeping in her dads’ hands and even in Harry’s. She made Harry’s heart fill with love, she looked so cute with her little nose and mouth, and chubby cheeks, he reminded Harry of an angel he used to see drawn on the ceilings. All what was missing was a big fluffy cloud for her to sit on.

After they had met Abigail they had some roast dinner Niall cooked himself. They ate exchanging stories and Niall talking about his daughter’s birth, but Liam had to stop him when he looked at his food with a disgusted face, having to endure a round of teasing for being so queasy.

They sat on the sofas around the small coffee table, still talking and drinking teas and coffees. Harry sat in his spot and hummed feeling Theo’s little hands trying to braid his hair. As soon as Harry moved to the sofa he left his brother to play alone on the floor and insisted that he had to braid Harry’s hair, as he couldn’t braid his little sisters’ hair yet.

Harry could feel that he wasn’t really braiding it just making knots in them rather than braids. He felt happy knowing that Theo liked him and it just assured Harry that he wouldn’t be that bad of a dad if he would allow his Bean to bride his hair from time to time too. He caught Louis watching them more than once and both of them exchanged a smile. It only made Harry grin wider with every time Louis would make Harry’s heart skip a beat and cause butterflies in his stomach.

Later that night Harry sat on the sofa idly watching TV, waiting for the others to return. Niall and Mark had gone to put the kids in bed, to which Louis offered to help and ran down the hall with Connor on his back giving him a piggyback ride. Liam had gone for a glass of water and returned after a few minutes.

“So, when are you going to tell him?” Liam asked out of nowhere placing his glass of water on the table, looking at Harry.

“Tell who and what?” Harry asked frowning little taken back.

“That you like him and by him I mean Louis,” Liam said and as soon as he mentioned Louis name Harry could feel his cheeks burn.

“Why would you say that? I don’t-“ Harry started, but Liam was quick enough to interrupt.

“Please, Harry. I see how you two eat each other with your eyes, hell, it’s not just me Niall sees it, Mark sees it, i bet even Zayn has seen it. Stop lying to yourself,” Liam said scooting closer and squeezing Harry’s knee.

“It’s not like that Liam, we just get along very well,” Harry explained. He was so convinced that they were just having a fling, everyone was just imagining things.

“Okay,” Liam sighed before continuing. “Do you remember how you were when you first started to date Jason? How happy he made you and you kept telling me about that free falling feeling that made butterflies in your stomach and it was the day you realised you-“ this time it was Harry that interrupted him.

“Loved him,” Harry finished in monotone voice.

“Do you feel something like that towards Louis?” Liam asked trying to catch Harry’s eyes.

Liam’s words made Harry think. It made him think about all those times Harry had felt the fluttering feeling, even before he could feel the baby move inside of him. It made him remember how affectionate Louis always was towards him too and just how moments ago Louis' look at Harry was enough to make Harry’s breath hitch. Did it mean that Harry had fallen for Louis without even noticing it?

Harry looked at Liam with big eyes after realising what he was blind enough not to see. He could feel his palms sweat and suddenly it felt like the room was too hot to breathe in. He tried to take deep breaths, but it only made him choke on air. Harry was saved when Liam handed him his glass of water whispering calming words.

“I’m afraid,” Harry sighed after calming down a little, “What if he doesn’t like me the same way Li? What if it’s just in my head? Don’t think he would want someone like me,” Harry mumbled the last words.

“You have nothing to be afraid of, Harry. I’m hundred percent sure he feels the same way towards you. It’s just that none of you have the balls to say it,” Liam assured Harry giving him a little smile.

“And you think it should be me?” Harry questions.

“Yes, because I know Louis well enough to know that he won’t say it unless you will,” Liam explained. “He is waiting for you Harry, has been all this time ever since I sent you that Christmas card, it just took time for him to realise it,” Liam concluded and his words got to Harry.

He instantly remembered about that smiley face in his card. The same one that gave hope to Harry and made him brave enough to stand up to Jason and leave. It was his light at the end of the tunnel and Louis has been that special someone for Harry all along. It made Harry think that maybe all what happened was meant to be. It was Faith playing its cards so that Harry could finally meet Louis and all the things Harry had been through was just the road to him.

Soon after that Niall and Louis returned to join Harry and Liam on the sofa. Harry was a little afraid to look at Louis, but once he squeezed himself between Harry and Liam just to wrap his arm around Harry and watch TV snuggled up. He felt the same flutters just feeling Louis pressed so close and warm, he ached to just lean in and kiss him. Harry knew he had to be the one telling Louis and he wanted to do it soon.

~

Harry woke up with a strange feeling in his gut. He felt like something wasn’t right, that something was bound to happen. He couldn’t stop thinking, waiting for the shot.

He rolled out of his bed, his feet screaming in pain as soon as he touched the floor.

He was in his thirty first week of pregnancy, his belly was a lot bigger and he felt bigger himself as well. Some days he could feel his back ache a little, but at his third ultrasound about three weeks ago Doctor Hall mentioned that he would start to feel it soon.

But Harry was feeling a little uneasy. He started to think that maybe his feeling has something to do with his baby that something wasn’t alright.

He took his phone ringing his doctor.

“Good morning, Doctor Hall speaking,” Harry heard the doctor answer.

“Hi, it’s me Harry,” Harry said.

“Hello Harry, is everything alright?” she asked hearing a distress in Harry’s voice.

“I don’t know, possibly. I just feel strange doctor,” Harry explained sitting down on the bed.

“How do you mean strange? Is there any blood or pain?” Doctor Hall asked.

“No, no, I just have this strange feeling, I’m scared something will happen,” Harry said into the speaker. He noticed Louis coming in to check on Harry, but as soon as he saw Harry’s terrified expression his smile dissipated and was replaced by a worried frown.

“Okay, do you want to come over today just to check if everything is okay and to put you at ease?” Doctor Hall suggested and Harry nodded his head even she couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, okay. That would mean a lot,” Harry answered taking a deep breath.

“Okay, I’ll write your name down and I shall see you very soon Harry.”

“Yes, thank you doctor,” Harry said and ended the call.

Louis had taken a seat next to Harry, his hand on his thigh, as soon as Harry ended the call he asked, worry in his voice. “What’s going on? Why do you need a doctor?”

“I don’t know, I just woke up feeling very strange, like something is going to happen and it scares me, so I’m going to see the doctor to make sure everything is alright with the baby,” Harry explained fiddling with his fingers.

“Sure, I’ll take you. I’ll tell Liam to wrap you a sandwich, I reckon you want to go straight away?” Louis said already standing up and helping Harry up as well.

Harry nodded at Louis' plan and the warm feeling in his chest calmed him a little. He was glad he had Louis and both of them were getting closer than ever, but still they hadn't said anything about how they feel towards each other. They would secretly exchange little kisses when Liam wasn’t around, but by the look Liam was giving him he knew that Liam understood what’s going on. Ever since that dinner at Niall’s and a talk he had with Liam he promised he would do it soon, but Harry never could find a perfect moment to tell him. There were days when both of them would snuggle on sofa watching TV or spoon just before falling asleep. The words always stuck in Harry’s throat, never could get past his tongue or out of his thoughts.--

Last week he almost told him. Harry and Louis had just woken up. The day seemed to be perfect for it, sun was shining through the window and warming the spot over their feet. Both of them were still fuzzy with sleep and relaxed snuggling close to each other, exchanging little kisses and smiles. And Harry looked into Louis eyes about to say it, but then Louis phone shrieked to life and he had to answer the call. The moment was lost and it seemed like the Gods were against Harry, because every time he tried to say it something happened. Be it Liam suddenly coming to watch TV with them, or Zayn calling Louis to go out.

Every time there was something and Harry simply gave up. He grew tired of the odds being against him.

So here he was with his feelings and love growing towards Louis and never being able to tell him.

Louis disappeared to grab said sandwich while Harry was getting ready. Once he was done, he made his way into the hallway where Louis already was waiting for him with Liam.

“Do you need anything else? You want me to come with you too?” Liam asked as soon as he saw Harry. It didn’t help one bit when Liam looked at him with his big puppy eyes full of concern.

“No, it’s okay. Stay here, Louis is coming with me already, if it’s anything serious I’ll call,” Harry assured trying for a small smile.

“Okay, take care you guys, keep me updated,” Liam added once Louis was guiding Harry out through the door.

The drive to the hospital seemed shorter than ever. It felt like they just drove out on the main street when they were parking in front of the hospital already.

Harry tried to relax and not to think about what could happen. He kept himself calm as to not make anything worse, he didn’t want to push himself into early labor just because he felt like something would happen, it was probably just his head messing with him or even tiredness.

After Harry was guided inside, Louis keeping close, and after the doctor making yet another ultrasound and taking his blood for tests Harry was assured that all it was, was false alarm. Everything was okay with his baby; the doctor didn’t find anything particularly worrying. After Harry was done with the check-up the doctor explained that it could be because it’was Harry’s first pregnancy and his body hadn’t adjusted to the change yet. She assured that Harry has nothing to worry about and his baby was healthy, the heart rate was normal, there was nothing happening that should concern anyone.

When Harry left the doctor he felt a lot better, he sighed in relief once he was sitting in the car yet again to be taken home. The doctor must have been right, it was new for Harry, and everything what was happening was new.

He gasped feeling a strong kick and smiled down at his belly. “Okay, okay, nothing is wrong, I’ll stop worrying,” he said to the bump stroking it with his palm.

“Do you mind if I stop by the store, get a few things we need?” Louis asked taking his seat behind the wheel.

Harry shook his head putting the seat belt on, “not at all.”

Once they arrived at the store both of them climbed out of the car. Harry followed Louis around the store, watching him do a quick work of shopping; taking just a few things they needed at the flat. They didn’t even spend much time at the store, but Harry could feel his feet already hurting from the constant walking and he couldn’t wait to get back to the car.

“I need just few more things from upstairs. You want to wait for me down here?” Louis said once they paid and stopped by the stairs that led to second floor, where all the clothing stores were situated.

Harry shook his head and just thinking about going up those stairs made his feel hurt more. “My feet are killing me; do you mind if I go wait you in the car?” Harry questioned and Louis gave him the keys saying that he wouldn’t be long.

Harry slowly made his way back. He stopped for a second feeling a sting like pain in his back. He massaged the spot stopping and taking a breath. He didn’t know why and how, but something made him turn around.

His heart dropped to his stomach seeing the familiar face of Jason staring back at him. He felt like all the air was sucked out if his lungs with every step Jason took coming closer and closer. Harry stood frozen in place feeling another hard kick in his stomach. He suddenly felt like he needed to hide the baby, protect it from the man who was getting ever so close, so he wrapped his hands around his belly, holding it.

“Harry,” it wasn’t even a question, it felt like Jason was expecting to see Harry and it made fear crawl over Harry’s body.

Harry himself couldn’t say a word, it seemed like Jason had a power of taking that away from him just with his bloodshot eyes.

“I was, I was looking for you. I want you to come home,” Jason continued.

Harry wanted to run, but he couldn’t get his legs to move.

“Come home with me, Harry. Let’s go home and raise our baby,” he said looking at Harry’s belly and reaching out.

“No!” Harry took a step back finally getting himself to move. He couldn’t let Jason touch him, touch his baby, ever.

“What do you mean no? I love you, Harry. Please forgive me, come back home to me,” Jason pleaded stepping closer.

“No, no,” Harry repeated avoiding Jason’s touch. He was afraid that he could get mad and hurt him. He blinked away his tears, deciding not to show Jason how scared he really was, before he could do anything else.

“Don’t say no to me, I know you don’t mean it,” he continued.

Harry kept shaking his head, denying Jason to touch him and somehow he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep up these theatrics without lashing out. Harry could spot the exact moment when Jason got mad that Harry wasn’t listening, wasn’t going anywhere with him.

“You are coming with me! I don't care if you want it or not!” Jason gritted through his teeth reaching out to grab Harry.

“Get your dirty hands off of him!” Harry could hear Louis yell and the next moment Jason was pulled away. He almost fell over on his drunk arse with the sheer force of Louis' push.

“You fucking asshole!” Jason screamed getting mad, “who the fuck are you?” he yelled stepping closer.

Harry watched Louis, not backing away. . Although he was smaller than Jason he didn’t show any fear stepping in front of Jason, blocking him from Harry.

“I am the person who will fucking ruin your face if you as much as make a hair from Harry’s head fall!” Louis growled pushing his finger in Jason’s chest, making him step back.

“Heeey, I’m not here to cause any trouble. I just came to take what’s mine,” Jason explained, his voice dropping.

“I don’t see here anything that belongs to you asshole! He said he doesn’t want anything to do with you, so which part of that you did not understand? Or maybe calling the police will help you think clearer, huh? Telling them how you easily raised a hand at a pregnant man how does that sound to you? Ring any bells?” Louis continued defending Harry. All Jason could do was retreat after Louis mentioned the word police.

“Relax man, I need no trouble, just here to talk,” Jason said visibly calming. Harry could only watch with amusement how Louis made him so afraid; he had never seen Jason like that.

“There is nothing to talk about, leave now while you still got all of your teeth and don’t you dare look at Harry ever again. Understood?” Louis continued his speech shoving Jason in the chest, pushing him back.

“Okay, okay. Relax, I’m going,” Jason answered lifting his hands up in defense. Harry watched him look at Harry once more before he turned away and retreated. “Fuck!” Harry could hear him swear as he got further away.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you or Bean?” Louis was already in front of Harry skipping his eyes over his body, concern written on his face.

“No, no we are good, a little shaken, but alright,” Harry smiled taking a long breath.

“Thank God I spotted him in time, if he would have touched you, I swear-“ Louis gritted his teeth. “I’m never leaving you alone again,” he cupped Harry’s cheeks and locked his eyes with Harry’s.

There was nothing more than Harry wanted in this moment as to kiss him, so he did. He smashed their lips together making Louis freeze for a moment, but once he came out of it he hotly licked into Harry’s mouth. Louis lips had power over Harry; because once he kissed him back there was nothing else in the world Harry could think of than Louis.

“Take me home?” Harry whispered against Louis lips once they realised they were still in the car park, in front of everyone making out.

“Let’s go,” Louis answered pecking Harry once more on his lips and taking him by the hand.

They decided not to tell Liam about their little chat with Jason. They came to the conclusion that it would just make everything worse and it wasn’t like he was going to try and see Harry again.

Once they arrived home they assured Liam that neither Harry nor baby had any problems and that it was just a false alarm. They could see by the look of Liam’s disheveled hair that all he’d been doing was worrying sick and pulling at his hair.

Later that night when Louis held Harry close as they fell asleep he allowed himself to think about what happened. He now understood that the feeling he had was his body warning him about Jason. He somehow felt that something would happen and it wasn’t anything baby related, it was about him meeting Jason again.

Harry still could see his face when he closed his eyes and it made him shiver. It seemed like Louis could sense it, because the next moment he has whispering soothing words into Harry’s ear and placing little kisses along his neck and shoulder.

“Louis?” Harry said on the verge of falling asleep.

“Hm?” Louis hummed against his skin, still kissing him.

“Can I?” Harry questioned sitting up and turning so that he would be facing Louis.

Louis reached out brushing away a stray curl from Harry’s cheek. His hands lingered a while longer into his hair and Harry felt content just from his touch. He knew he had to say it now because God knew when he would have another chance.

“Lou?” Harry said lowly and Louis opened his eyes. “I want to tell you something.”

“Go on, I’m listening,” Louis half whispered.

“I- I don’t know how to say it or how it all happened, but really, I don’t even know when it happened so it didn’t really make sense to start, because there is no start-“ Harry started and words kept falling out of his mouth, even to his ears it sounded ridiculous.

“Harry. You are rambling,” Louis placed his finger on Harry’s lips stopping him from talking.

“Right, sorry. What I wanted to say is that,” Harry said feeling his heartbeat in his throat and hearing it in his head. “I like you. A lot. I think I even love you because you make me feel like no one ever has,” Harry finished stopping and staring at Louis, gauging for his reaction.

“I know,” Louis smiled and simply responded taking Harry by surprise.

“What do you mean you know?” Harry questioned and he couldn’t see anything changing in Louis. He didn’t look surprised or too happy by Harry’s words. Harry was internally screaming from fear, because he expected Louis to act differently after Harry told him that he loved him.

“Did you know that you talk in your sleep?” Louis asked and Harry looked at him confusedly. He started to feel a little bad and that Louis was making fun of him didn’t help either. “About a month ago I woke up to you talking and you said that you love me and ever since that night I’ve been waiting for you to say it,” Louis smiled and kissed Harry.

Harry still was a little confused. “Wait, what?”

“I love you too Harry, have been ever since I took you to Alexandra Palace ice skating,” Louis finally smiled and Harry understood that Louis was just messing with him a little. To hear those words from Louis' mouth felt like a weight has been lifted off his heart. “I was afraid to tell you, because I thought you wouldn’t want any relationship after-“ he cut off not saying Jason’s name.

Harry could understand him and really, he would think the same if he were in Louis' position.

“I love you,” was all Harry could say. He felt happy that he could finally say it and Louis felt the same. “I want you as a constant in my and little Beans life. If that- if you want it?” Harry questioned, but he could read the answer on Louis face even before he said it.

“I’d love to. I love her as much as I love you and I don’t think I could just watch you two walk away from my life,” Louis said brushing his nose against Harry’s.

“She is ours now,” Harry said grabbing Louis hand and placing it on his belly. “Yours and mine, ours,” Harry whispered ~watching Louis smile in response.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms, big smiles on their faces and with a promise to love each other endlessly.

~

“What do you think you are doing?” Louis asked coming through the kitchen door, finding Harry with his hands half way covered in foam.

“Cleaning? I was watching TV and suddenly I had this surge of energy and I wanted to use it to clean this mess,” Harry explained grinning.

He was already past week forty in his pregnancy and knew that any day any minute he could go into labor, but that didn’t stop him from doing things. He was feeling anxious to finally get this pregnancy over with and the heat that came along with August didn’t help one bit. Harry visited the doctor every week now and his baby had already dropped, which scared Harry, because the baby wouldn’t have a way out if she decided it was time.

He washed his hands under the tap and wiped them plopping on the chair, his tiredness was back.

“What did you bring?” He yawned around his words.

“Just some necessities,” Louis said lifting the bag in his hand. He approached Harry and kissed him on his sweaty forehead. “How is our little bean?” He asked slowly placing his hand on Harry’s large belly.

“She is good,” Harry smiled leaning into Louis and settling his head on his chest. “I think she is ready,” Harry whispered feeling content.

“What? Your water broke?” Louis retreated looking at Harry in shock.

“No, she just seems calmer now, doesn’t kick that often,” Harry smiled assuring, “and I guess I just know, father's instinct and all.”

Louis looked at Harry and smiled. “I love you,” he whispered against Harry’s forehead placing a kiss there.

“We love you t-uff” Harry started and baby’s kick made him double over. “That was a strong one,” he breathed brushing his hand over the belly, “kicked me right in the gut.”

“I would too if had to stay upside down for this long,” Louis chuckled and leaned down to whisper something against Harry’s belly.

Harry could just look at the simplest things Louis did and love him even more. It had been a bit of a roller coaster of love since that night he told Louis he loved him.

They would spend their days attached to the hip to what Liam would just shake his head and call them love sick.

“Okay, enough of you two planning things behind my back,” Harry huffed playfully pushing Louis away and standing up from his chair.

As soon as he straightened, the baby’s kick knocked another breath out of Harry making him reach out and hold on to Louis for leverage.

“Another one?” Louis asked holding Harry’s hand.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded taking a deep breath. “Ow!” Harry suddenly felt a strong pain in his belly that made him to almost double over and something dripping in his sweats. “Oh my, I think my water just broke,” Harry looked at Louis with big eyes.

“You sure it wasn’t another kick?” Louis questioned and once Harry squeezed his hand almost blue growling in pain his face changed to terrified.

“Oh God, get me to hospital,” Harry said trying to take deep breaths.

“Liam!” Louis yelled guiding Harry out of the kitchen.

“He is not home Louis, don’t bother,” Harry said keeping his breaths steady. “I have my bag in our room, go grab it –ow- I’ll wait here for you,” Harry steadied himself holding his hands against the wall. His pain was getting more constant and he swore he could see little stars dance in front of his eyes once he closed them.

“Be back in a sec,” Louis said rushing to grab Harry’s hospital bag.

It wasn’t long after he was back and helped Harry down to the car, while calling the doctor. Once they got on the road Harry felt like he was about to blow up, he could feel his baby literally pushing down, trying to get out though there was no possible exit. While fighting with his pain he could hear Louis call the other boys and telling them the same exact sentence of “Harry’s in labor, going to the hospital,” and ending the call.

“Hold on love, almost there,” Louis reached out and squeezed Harry’s thigh. Harry tried to concentrate on Louis soothing voice as he talked to him and it helped a little to take his mind off the pain.

Sooner than Harry thought they were already parking by the hospital and a nurse was waiting for them outside with a wheelchair.

It all felt like a dream one moment Harry was rolled into the hospital and the next he was already lying down under fluorescent lights, Louis dressed in paper scrubs holding his hand and telling him how good he is doing and that he loves him.

He couldn’t feel any pain, just tugging and things moving around in his stomach, but as soon as he heard the cry of a baby his heart skipped a beat and his eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t wait to see his baby girl, his little bean, but he knew he would need to wait just a little longer for it to happen. One of the nurses carefully handed him the baby still fresh out of the womb, a bit of blood on her pink body and all Harry could do was stare, his eyes glassy with tears. He lifted his hand to touch her, lying so peacefully on his chest. He stroked at her tiny hands and she instinctively wrapped her little palm around Harry’s finger. Harry gasped, smiling while Louis whispered “she is beautiful” against his temple.

The nurse took the baby to clean up and do some check-ups and the next moment Harry could see her, she was clean and wrapped in a fluffy yellow baby blanket. He took her in his arms, wincing at the pain from the scar when he moved around a bit.

“She is beautiful, Harry,” Louis said once again, both of them watching her. “She looks just like you,” he added and both of them chuckled when she yawned.

“Our beautiful baby girl,” Harry whispered smiling. He couldn’t feel happier than he already was, his heart felt like bursting with love and affection. He felt the happiest man alive with his little miracle in his hands and Louis by his side.

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Louis asked reaching out and softly stroking the baby’s nose.

“Yeah,” Harry said smiling, “I think the name Alexandra would be the best choice,” he added looking at Louis.

He could see right in Louis eyes the second he understood why. The place where they once fell in love, the place where they felt happy together.

Louis grinned at Harry’s words and he could see how much he loved Harry and it felt nothing like ever before. For Harry, this felt like the home he never had.